Should I ask him to spend more? And how???

[Mara]

given that you two could afford it, have a conversation on how you'd like a higher budget. if you both are lawyers then you know how to present a point. but i don't know if i would say 'i want this $13k ring at tiffanys' ESPECIALLY if he has different values in terms of money than you do. you two sound a bit like my husband and i. he loves me, and wants to see me happy and is very indulgent with me and my 'hobbies' (read diamond upgrades and expensive purse loves) but he also knows where to draw the line. he was raised in a very fiscally conservative household as well, and i was raised in a bit more of a laissez faire household re: spending. it is sometimes hard to mesh our two backgrounds so that we are both happy, but he does understand that i am not 'frivolous' and is pretty good about being okay with what i *really* want as long as it's reasonable. but it took us a bit to get there AND i don't think he would have agreed to up his budget much more than a few thousand when we were looking because i would have just seemed so greedy to him because in his mind HE was responsible for that important part of the puzzle. our budget when starting was $7k and the total ended up being $10k and he was fine with that. we didn't have a discussion but when we were looking at costs, he said it was fine. so, maybe your bf is fine with thinking of starting around $5-6k but thinking up to $9k or something. again, this is something you might want to address. but $13k? i don't know that i'd go for that. and especially not SOLELY for a markup. it sounds like you do not LOVE the tiffany solitaire persay, you love the blue box and what it will represent to others around you. i'd much rather love my stone and ring than the box it came in esp since you will be wearing it daily for the rest of your life. make sure you LOVE it. just my two cents.

 

[kenny]

Money is a funny thing.
Most people have very strong feelings about it.
What makes perfect sense to one person feels wrong to another.

Marriage is the combining of two people who come with a past.
They are not blank white canvases.

This is a wonderful opportunity to see this as a way to bring you two closer.
I'm not sure what ring you will end up with but I hope your marriage will be stronger as a result of this.

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 11/14/2006 9:22:08 AM
Author: winternight
We''re both attorneys and both make in the low six figures, him more than me. He has almost no debt (student loans) and pretty substantial savings.

Hey Winternight!
Listen, I don''t think you''re being greedy at all. What''s important to you IS important. If you care more about the ring & he cares more about the wedding/house etc ... you might have to negotiate. I was in the same position & I offered to chip in. It let him know how important it WAS to me and that I was willing to put my $$ where my "dreams" were!

It''s possible he just didn''t know the "going rate" in your area/for diamonds when he set the mental budget. 1ct solitare is kinda standard for DC area professional ... if not 1.2-1.5. It''s not "unreasonable" IMO. You''ll be wearing it as your income increases too ... so you really really really might want to consider a jeweler with a trade-up policy so you could increase later if you want to.

My sister is a DC area law partner who still wears her 1ct solitare in a Tiffany STYLE solitare. I say TIFFANY STYLE because he already had a 1ct stone from his family & just got it set for her. You couldn''t tell it''s not "the" tiffany solitare. And it''s a very simple classic look she adores.

PLEASE PLEASE consider buying your stone (& even setting) online. You could get the 1 ct you want WITHOUT going over his budget! Or if you got a small increase in his budget, or agreed to contribute a small amount ... could get a 1.5 ct solitare!

I noticed in an earlier post you said you wanted a "Tiffany quality" stone. You have seriously been brainwashed. Most Hearts & Arrows (Hearts on Fire ... Whiteflash''s ACA) stones are BETTER cut than Tiffany standard issue. And MUCH MUCH MUCH more affordable without the blue box 40% markup. You''d have him doubling his budget for STATUS ONLY. That''s just sad to me. And I love Tiffanys ... for my watch ... for silver jewelry ... for crystal ... BUT NOT FOR E-RINGS!!!!!!!!!! Not if you have a budget! Not if you want the most BLING for the buck!! SERIOUSLY!!!

Save your convincing skills for convincing him to buy online ... one of the super ideal cuts Tiffany doesn''t even carry.

 

[ladykemma]

Date: 11/14/2006 11:00:09 AM
Author: decodelighted

Date: 11/14/2006 9:22:08 AM
Author: winternight
We're both attorneys and both make in the low six figures, him more than me. He has almost no debt (student loans) and pretty substantial savings.

Hey Winternight!
Listen, I don't think you're being greedy at all. What's important to you IS important. If you care more about the ring & he cares more about the wedding/house etc ... you might have to negotiate. I was in the same position & I offered to chip in. It let him know how important it WAS to me and that I was willing to put my $$ where my 'dreams' were!

It's possible he just didn't know the 'going rate' in your area/for diamonds when he set the mental budget. 1ct solitare is kinda standard for DC area professional ... if not 1.2-1.5. It's not 'unreasonable' IMO. You'll be wearing it as your income increases too ... so you really really really might want to consider a jeweler with a trade-up policy so you could increase later if you want to.

My sister is a DC area law partner who still wears her 1ct solitare in a Tiffany STYLE solitare. I say TIFFANY STYLE because he already had a 1ct stone from his family & just got it set for her. You couldn't tell it's not 'the' tiffany solitare. And it's a very simple classic look she adores.

PLEASE PLEASE consider buying your stone (& even setting) online. You could get the 1 ct you want WITHOUT going over his budget! Or if you got a small increase in his budget, or agreed to contribute a small amount ... could get a 1.5 ct solitare!

I noticed in an earlier post you said you wanted a 'Tiffany quality' stone. You have seriously been brainwashed. Most Hearts & Arrows (Hearts on Fire ... Whiteflash's ACA) stones are BETTER cut than Tiffany standard issue. And MUCH MUCH MUCH more affordable without the blue box 40% markup. You'd have him doubling his budget for STATUS ONLY. That's just sad to me. And I love Tiffanys ... for my watch ... for silver jewelry ... for crystal ... BUT NOT FOR E-RINGS!!!!!!!!!! Not if you have a budget! Not if you want the most BLING for the buck!! SERIOUSLY!!!

Save your convincing skills for convincing him to buy online ... one of the super ideal cuts Tiffany doesn't even carry.

i agree. i think he is going on old information.

a 1.25 carat solitaire in platinum. perfect! not tiffany, not tiffany!

look what you can get for 7k for the stone, plus more for the setting.
http://www.whiteflash.com/round_ideal_cut/round-ideal-cut-cut-diamond-78306.htm

this setting with 6 prongs in heavy platinum
http://www.whiteflash.com/Engagement-Rings/Styles/Solitaire/Platinum-Heavy--Tiffany--Style_715.htm

look at this setting here is the tiffany clone
http://www.whiteflash.com/Engagement-Rings/Styles/Solitaire/Platinum--Tiffany--Style-Knife-Edge_792.htm

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 11/14/2006 12:25:15 AM
Author:winternight
Ok so I feel a little bad about posting this but my ring is very important to me, much less so than the wedding budget. I recently became engaged and my fiance and I started looking at rings together. I saw one that I really love for $7,300 - the Tiffany flower ring - but then I also saw one that was more of a ''wow'' ring for $13,000 - a simple 1.1 ct Tiffany diamond solitare, which frankly would probably go better with my wardrobe since it can be rather eclectic. My problem is his original budget was about $5-6,000. Maybe its a terrible think to say/feel but I think this is on the low side.

I think that given his savings a month''s gross salary (or less) isn''t unreasonable - he''d be paying cash for the ring. I don''t know how to broach the subject and its also an issue because his mother isn''t really a jewelry person while my mother is and had and has some gorgous things (most were stolen). I think its also nagging me that my father paid $2,500 for my mother''s ring in the 1970s. I don''t know what to do and we''re ring shopping this weekend. Should I just sigh over the bigger rings or stay in his budget? The other thing that is bothering me is that I''m worried that I''ll settle for the flower ring, which I love, but then wish I had a regular and simple engagement ring. It would be uncomfortable for both of us for me to offer to chip in.

He''s really wonderful, I feel terrible about this but I''m also a little surprised by how much other people''s budgets are and I can''t help being a little envious...

for every person who has a budget higher than yours, there are about 20 or 30 who have one lower than yours. Make no mistake in that! I agree with Mara - why tiffany''s? You could get what you want for his budget just about....

 

[Cehrabehra]

My advice to you: Drive up early on a saturday morning to NY and visit jon at good old gold... tell him you have a 6k budget and you want the best cut you can afford around 1 carat.... and in a few years once your monies are combined and your house is bought, you can upgrade to whatever you want. That way you get the excellent upgrade policy, awesome customer service, the feel of a storefront with real live stones, and the quality and price of an internet purchase!

I went over budget by about 4x, but I waited 15 years to do it. No hurry!

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 11/14/2006 9:31:47 AM
Author: kenny
It sounds like you two have very different values and expectations when it comes to money and debt.

I''d address this issue and try to both get very comfortable with this subject now, before you get married.

Sorry, I know this is none of my business, but you *are* posting on a public forum.

ITA... we had no money issues at all until we had money... then our socioeconomic backgrounds drove us in different directions as to what to do with it. He very much wants to save because his family had no money where as I am more of a risk taker - invest and make LOTS of money... because my family had it. Work those issues out now!!!

 

[denverappraiser]

I think you should discuss it with him. Most guys don’t understand the whole diamond thing and they see it very differently than women do. They see it as an unnecessary expense - Women see it as an asset and an object of pride. $5-6k is an entirely reasonable budget for most people but YOU aren’t most people. He surely knows this and is prepared to accommodate your subtleties in other ways. That’s part of what he loves about you. He doesn’t know that this is an important issue for you unless you clue him in and you don’t want to set yourself up for looking at the ring and thinking of your husband as somehow ‘cheap’. Now THAT would be a waste of $6000.

Try admiring the rings on other lady attorneys that you know and pointing out how proud they must be to have it. He’ll get the point.

Neil Beaty
GG(GIA) ICGA(AGS) NAJA
Professional Appraisals in Denver

 

[bee*]

I think that you should definitely sit down and have a chat with him. Im heading to NY to get a lucida ring from tiffanys and bf''s budget is around 12000 euro which I think is around 15000 dollars. If I go over that, I am going to pay anything extra myself. Personally I prefer smaller size diamonds so I migth well come in under that. I would offer to pay the difference if its a ring that you really really love. Maybe he can up his budget a small bit and then you can put in the extra. I know that its not very traditional but if the two of you are going to be sharing all your finances in the future well you might as well start now!

 

[ImpatientOne]

I would talk to him and explain your point of view. I feel the same way, although my circumstances are much different. I am a 45 year old woman who takes home 4 times as much $ as my bf. He is in the military (enlisted) and doesn't make a lot of $. I know what I want as far as a wedding set and I don't want to have to upgrade later, so I will end up paying for the majority of it and he will contribute what he can. At first he was kind of reluctant, but fortunately, he understands how picky I am and now doesn't have an issue with it...

I aleady own my own home and have everything else I could ever need, so I have no guilt in spending to get my "dream ring"

 

[winternight]

Ok, thanks for everyone''s input. We''ve already talked about alot of things and actually I''m the one pushing for a smaller, less expensive wedding. Believe me that is going to take some work in this area.

I''m do spend, but selectively. I love designer clothes and jewelry but I don''t even have cable or a car (use the metro) so its a selective thing. I''ve even gotten great deals on Ebay. I also contribute the max to my retirement accounts and save, so its not like I''m going to bankrupt the guy - besides I also make good money and I think that I''m not being unreasonable here. Frankly a friend of mine whose an invesment banker contributed because her fiance is in medical school and I think her''s is over a ct. and from Tiffany''s. Its seriously amazing. When you''re a woman making that kind of money I think you have your own ideas about what you''d be willing to spend on jewelry, it complicates things - me contributing will not work however, he would be upset if I even mentioned it.

I''m actually planning on getting myself a set of diamond stud earrings somewhere around 1 ct. - 1.5 ct. tw sometime next year. I don''t really have that much in diamonds yet but I have some lovely pieces in gold, heavy ornate stuff. Frankly jewelry is really important in my mother''s culture (it is in the US too) but it has a different emphasis and people just spend more on it than they do here as a general matter (current company excluded, you ladies have some bling! Some of the rings in the avatars are to die for, including the one posted by someone above as an upgrade).

Btw. every piece of jewelry he''s bought me has been from Tiffany''s - he likes to feel like he''s buying me something special and I''m fine with that - its also easier for him. He doesn''t research purchases, I''m the one who has lead him to the outlets and the sales for his suits and furniture, so he know gets better quality for the same price. All he''s done on this is go to Tiffany''s and originally look at a pear shapped solitare, I don''t even know if he looked at the price - I have a feeling not given his price reaction, I think he look suprised. I have hinted at shopping at other stores, but my mother says to leave him alone, he feels good making the purchases and he can afford it. She says we can save in other areas.

I''m going to do a bunch more research and look around some more this weekend, but I have a few questions:

1. Is there a retailer in the DC area that people recommend that I can see these stones? the hearts and fire? I might be ok with buying a stone online but the fiance will not be - this I''m pretty sure of. He doesn''t do anything online, pay bills, shop, nothing other than ESPN scores.

2. What should I read? I''ll read all of the primers on this site.

3. I was going to check out Boone''s and The Tiny Jewel Box this weekend in DC, along with looking at Tiffany''s again in the daylight. Anywhere else? I think I''ve heard some recommendations for somewhere by Tyson''s. I''ve also seen a place called Pappillion (sp?) in Friendship Heights.

4. Is NYC worth a trip? That may work out, I might be going up there alone in the next few weeks anyways.

5. Second-hand Tiffany''s, Cartier, etc.? That would save a few thousand I think. I''ve heard good things about signedpieces.com (that might be ok even though its online given the name thing - and this will matter to my fiance in my opinion). Any local places with high quality second hand? Any place in the Miami or West Palm Beach, Florida area? I''ll be there for the holidays and I would think there has to be a place.

6. DC area appraiser?

Thanks so much to everyone for your comments! I love my fiance madly and I''ve really been struggling with this, but I''d rather get something fabulous the first time out and not think about upgrades for awhile. Who knew shopping could be this stressful and daunting? I''m hoping to learn alot from here.

 

[decodelighted]

Women are often MUCH better at intuiting the needs of their partners ... for instance .. you know it''s important to him to

* spend 5-6K
* get a "status" brand - Tiffany
* not "work too hard" ... take a short cut by going to a well-known retailer
* not buy online
* not have his gal even MENTION the idea of contributing

Well ... does he know what''s important to YOU???
* 1 ct. or over stone
* spend "a fair amount" compared to your friends & other socio-economic peers
* NOT to feel like he''s "cheaped out" or be reminded of that every time you look down
* TO BE HEARD & a partner in this decision.
* NOT to feel like you''ve "settled" for a Tiffany ring you don''t really like because he wants the status

Just because he''s "buying" doesn''t mean he gets his way 100% ... you''re building a life together & YOU''RE the one wearing the ring! If it''s important to you, which you''ve made it clear that it is ... you may have to be more aggressive/clear/forthright about YOUR NEEDS & FEELINGS & DESIRES.

Just because you can "read" him ... doesn''t mean he can "read" you - or your mind.

 

[Regular Guy]

1) Christian Bernards at the Malls (for example, White Flint in Rockville, and their other locations) offers Hearts of Fire, and it's definitely good to see this, at least to get the scent of what looks good. Also, there's a special jeweler in Hagerstown that carries it, too.
2) I'm sympathetic to purchasing at Tiffany, as I, too purchased many pieces of Jewelery for my wife there. When shopping more recently for a replacement engagement ring, I shopped in order a) Bailey Banks & Biddle for Lazare, b) Charles Schwartz for both Lazazre and generic ideal, (check them out, consistent with the others now on your list), and then c) what is now called James Allen in Frederick. My final purchase was with the latter. This is just descriptive; I also don't earn as much as your FI.
3) For other shopping suggestions that would make a difference, see my previous post(s) in this thread, because there are some options. Also, don't depend on new written text here; search on DC here on the boards to read about options available locally.
4) Appraisers....if you buy a diamond for which you don't need an appraiser (i.e. comes with contemporary AGS certification, for example), I can recommend Martin Fuller in Northern Virginia (Fairfax?), who others frequently use, who I used, but who may not add much value, but could make you feel good. Though I'm hard pressed to suggest a local appraiser, you can see options here. Consider reviewing here, and congrats for reading up further. There's lots you can learn. The strategy of shopping with comfort is reasonable at Tiffany, and relatively deserved. To the extent you're willing to trade comfort for knowledge, and deferring to your fiance, there's reasonable movement available, indeed. My wife likes her engagement ring, and I'm glad for it.

(edited to add) 5) Yes, going to the right places, NYC is definitely worth a trip. I think Good Old Gold on Long Island, in particular...and if you're conscionably in the area, is worth it....either to purchase...or for education about high quality options that also happen to be value priced.

 

[decodelighted]

One more quick thought on your initial question "Should I ask him to spend more? And How?"

It''s not really a matter of that. You skipped a step & just figured that to get what you want he''d HAVE to spend more.

You ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY should TELL HIM WHAT YOU WANT. You can even lay it all out ... this is what I want ...this is WHY I want it ... this is what it costs at Tiffany''s ... this is what we could buy it for online or at a NYC store (Good Old Gold) for example. Then it''s HIS CHOICE whether to increase the budget & buy it at Tiffany''s or to work with you further (or on his own) to investigate ways to make you BOTH happy.

His desire to shop at Tiffany should not automatically trump your desire for size. IMHO.

p.s. - and all sorts of old fashioned Mom''s tell their daughters to "back off" all the time. Southern? People who married in the fifties or early sixties don''t always understand the new dynamics between two working lawyers .. ya know?

 

[winternight]

^^^
Thanks for that DC area info.

Decodelighted, your post cracked me up! Thanks, I need a good laugh I''ve been too stressed about this. I''ll start letting him know what is important to me. Honestly he didn''t seem to care about the ring that was about $7,000 so I think going up a bit more won''t really kill him or give him a heart attack - maybe I''ll take him shopping first for a couple of days and he''ll probably pay me off just to stop shopping - haha, I''m serious I think it would be worth literally thousands to him not to have to look around. One time we could have saved $300+ to drive an hour or so round trip to order a couch and he wouldn''t do it.

I asked him which ring he preferred of my favorites so far and he said he''s leaving it up to me because he doesn''t want to influence me one way or the other, nothing about price came up. I would try to get something a little less at least though - I don''t want to be totally inconsiderate.

Mara, I love designer purses too! Believe me based on my closet my fiance knows what he''s getting into but I work hard at keeping things within reason by saving in most other areas. I think you really understand my situation b/c your husband is also from a different type of background and has different interests. I think its a good balance because my fiance has already thanked me for helping him to upgrade wisely in other areas, he loves his new suits & ties for instance and he didn''t have to spend much more for them, we just shop wisely.

Ira, thanks for all of your helpful suggestions, I really appreciate it - unfortunatley none of my friends in DC have good rings, frankly most say they saved the money for the wedding - I''m the opposite, I''d rather have the money in a lasting reminder than spend 30k on a single day (this number has come up repeatedly and I''d like to spend about a 1/3 of that, or less, if possible).

I also see alot of larger stones that don''t have any sparkle or fire - maybe I can''t articulte things correctly but that is why I''m very nervous about going a non-high end store route. Frankly I don''t want to get anything less than about a VS1 and a F-G color. I am willing to look at a little lower but my mother had a 1/2 ct. solitare that was excellent quality and she was constantly getting compliments like ''why does it sparkle do much?'' I''m more into quality than size, but I guess I don''t think 1ct is that big of a deal? I also know that I need a great cut, figuring out how to determine that is why I''m here.

Oh yeah we''re both in our 30s, so I think it makes me a little more impatient, kwim? I''m not a 23 year old straight out of law school.

I know the guys think I''m being terrible by wanting him to double his budget, but honestly how is he going to feel when I end up purchasing stud earrings that are as big or bigger than my e-ring? Also, my mother has already told me that she wants to buy me a piece of jewelry for about $5,000 as a wedding present, and no she doesn''t make alot of money its just a tradition to buy the bride a piece of jewelry as the wedding gift and in her mind that sum is reasonable.

I''m going to do some shopping this weekend and just focus on finding something that I love. I''m already interesting in trying on the Cartier diamond rolling rock ring. I just really want something amazing that I will get delighted with everyday, I''m sure I''ll know it when I try it on and maybe we just need to shop a little, I''m always uncomfortable shopping for jewelry when the other person is paying, it makes it hard to focus for me - maybe the key is a little wine first.

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 11/14/2006 2:10:40 PM
Author: winternight
how is he going to feel when I end up purchasing stud earrings that are as big or bigger than my e-ring? Also, my mother has already told me that she wants to buy me a piece of jewelry for about $5,000 as a wedding present, and no she doesn''t make alot of money its just a tradition to buy the bride a piece of jewelry as the wedding gift and in her mind that sum is reasonable.

These are two KEY pieces of info you should def clue him in on! His fragile ego is at stake!

This is an *adjustment* process for him .. dip his toe into the "bad news" ... then dunk the b-strd.

I''m totally kidding ... I''m sure he really wants to get you what YOU want. (Not wanting to influence your decision etc). I don''t know your relationship -- so I don''t know if the calm negotiation & lots of info tactic would be better than the "secretly find what you like, get him to go there and GUSH ESTATICALLY over it while saying oh no it''s tooo expensive" method.

Either way ... I hear ya on the over Thirty, professional, not-into Wedding front. But good luck on avoiding the wedding $$. We started with a 10K budget ... then 13K ... then 16K and ended up about 20K. And it was 80 people IN A BARN .. d.i.y. flowers ... BBQ buffet.

So ... don''t kid yourself either.

The sticker shock he''s getting with bling ... oh you''ll get it too with ....dun dun dun ....THE WEDDING MADNESS.

 

[Holy]

I am in the final steps of purchasing a ring from GOG on line. It will probably knock the socks of what you are thinking about at Tiffany''s and is bigger. My total cost will be in the mid-$7k range--not too far above the range you have mentioned. And I will have tons of documentation on the stone, which of course has also assisted me in making the decision, a benefit you will not have with Tiffany''s. AND I am across the country from NYC. You have the possible benefit of being able to go to GOG in person, but you don''t need to. So it comes down to what are your priorities--knowing that a certain minimum amount was spent and knowing that you have a certain brand, OR knowing that you have quality, knowing you were a good steward of money, and knowing you have tons of documentation and data and the assistance to understand it. Take the savings and buy some other jewelry from another reputable on-line jeweler! Or pay off debt. Or make a bigger down payment on a DC-area house (ouch). Sorry didn''t mean to be arrogant--just giving perspective and information.

 

[Arcam]

"1. Is there a retailer in the DC area that people recommend that I can see these stones? the hearts and fire?"

as stated before,
Christian Bernard for Hearts on Fire and Solesfera, do a retailer search from their website for locations, there are tons

Charleston Alexander for ISEE2, they have a bethesda and arlington/alexandria location.

Bailey Banks Biddle, Lazare

You could always try Quest Jewelers as well in Fairfax VA, I know they were talking about ramping up their diamond analysis capabilities, but I''m not sure what they have done since they moved to the new retail store.

 

[tdiddy]

Date: 11/14/2006 12:42:16 PM
Author: winternight

Btw. every piece of jewelry he''s bought me has been from Tiffany''s - he likes to feel like he''s buying me something special and I''m fine with that - its also easier for him. He doesn''t research purchases, I''m the one who has lead him to the outlets and the sales for his suits and furniture, so he know gets better quality for the same price. All he''s done on this is go to Tiffany''s and originally look at a pear shapped solitare, I don''t even know if he looked at the price - I have a feeling not given his price reaction, I think he look suprised. I have hinted at shopping at other stores, but my mother says to leave him alone, he feels good making the purchases and he can afford it. She says we can save in other areas.

I''m going to do a bunch more research and look around some more this weekend, but I have a few questions:

1. Is there a retailer in the DC area that people recommend that I can see these stones? the hearts and fire? I might be ok with buying a stone online but the fiance will not be - this I''m pretty sure of. He doesn''t do anything online, pay bills, shop, nothing other than ESPN scores.

2. What should I read? I''ll read all of the primers on this site.

3. I was going to check out Boone''s and The Tiny Jewel Box this weekend in DC, along with looking at Tiffany''s again in the daylight. Anywhere else? I think I''ve heard some recommendations for somewhere by Tyson''s. I''ve also seen a place called Pappillion (sp?) in Friendship Heights.

4. Is NYC worth a trip? That may work out, I might be going up there alone in the next few weeks anyways.

5. Second-hand Tiffany''s, Cartier, etc.? That would save a few thousand I think. I''ve heard good things about signedpieces.com (that might be ok even though its online given the name thing - and this will matter to my fiance in my opinion). Any local places with high quality second hand? Any place in the Miami or West Palm Beach, Florida area? I''ll be there for the holidays and I would think there has to be a place.

6. DC area appraiser?

Thanks so much to everyone for your comments! I love my fiance madly and I''ve really been struggling with this, but I''d rather get something fabulous the first time out and not think about upgrades for awhile. Who knew shopping could be this stressful and daunting? I''m hoping to learn alot from here.

I''m confused - are you looking for a pear shaped diamond or a round? When you mentioned simple Tiffany solitaire I think we all thought you wanted the ROUND Tiffany solitaire. But this post implies you and your BF are looking at pear shaped solitaires at Tiffany. If Pear is what you want, you can get even more for the money if you look online b/c rounds typically cost more than pears (by as much a couple thousand on a 1 ct round vs pear).

Please clarify.

 

[LuvThatBling]

As my mother always tells me, how you start it is how you finish it. When you are engaged, in many ways you are setting the foundation for your marriage. Honestly, I''d view this as an opportunity to have a better understanding with your fiance. If you handle this tactfully, I think you can both benefit from discussing it. Men aren''t mind readers, and he may not know how important this is to you, so I think you should find a kind way to let him know.

I have seen a lot of responses from people implying you are being materialistic, but I don''t agree with that. Most guys like plenty of expensive things, electronics, extravagent cars and hobbies just scratching the surface. I don''t see any of those things as more important than you having a ring you will love. Talking about how to spend your combined incomes does not get easier after marriage and you need to learn to voice your opinions and find a amenable joint solution sooner rather than later IMO.

 

[NovemberBride]

As far as DC area stores, I am familiar with both Boone & Sons and Tiny Jewel Box, both are very high end stores where you are likely to see prices similar to those at Tiffany & Co. While you will some some gorgeous rings, they are not likely to help with your budget issues. I would also recommend Charleston Alexander, I have a pair of 2ct diamond studs there that cost about half of the price I was quoted for the same size, quality, etc. from Bailey Banks and Biddle. Even though it is thought of as more high end, Bailey Banks is still a mall store with high mark-ups.

 

[Regular Guy]

November & others,

Not meaning to threadjack...but re Charleston Alexander...though I now live near their new Bethesda store, I haven''t gone in there yet. I did go to their VA store 4 ish years ago, and found it unpleasant. I''ve been recommending them lately based on knowing they have big stock, etc. But really, unless you know what you''re looking for...it''s still not very good is it?

I went there last night, on line, to see about making a recommendation to this writer. The one I recommended is about all I could find. Though they talk about offering 1000s, they seemed to total out at about 300 plus rounds (still a lot, I guess), with only about 50 they regard as primo. But, several of the primo ones (their category of ideal excellent, right?) were not even GIA excellent, so how did they get there. The one I brought up was GIA excellent, and then I proofed it under the HCA. But...to do that...I had to find the GIA website that would let me enter in the serial number, because their site cuts off (strategically?) the crown & pavilion data.

I like that they now have, or so I''ve heard, ISEE machines? But on a scale of 1 - 5, don''t they rate a 2? At best...comparison to the on-line options we see here? Sorry, Winternight...I don''t mean to send mixed messages. Below my signature, you''ll otherwise see shopping strategies, that would confirm it''s a good idea to take a drive to NY, indeed. Saving several thousand dollars and improving your choice in the end takes work, as it turns out. Though, and despite what''s frequently said, Tiffany usually, to me, produces a lovely diamond, too.

 

[winternight]

Date: 11/14/2006 3:13:22 PM
Author: tdiddy

I''m confused - are you looking for a pear shaped diamond or a round? When you mentioned simple Tiffany solitaire I think we all thought you wanted the ROUND Tiffany solitaire. But this post implies you and your BF are looking at pear shaped solitaires at Tiffany. If Pear is what you want, you can get even more for the money if you look online b/c rounds typically cost more than pears (by as much a couple thousand on a 1 ct round vs pear).

Please clarify.

Sorry for the confusion. I''m looking for a round, he thought I''d like a pear diamond and had gone to buy a ring himself but decided that I was particular and should help pick out my own ring. (He''s right).

 

[fire&ice]

I don''t think you are unreasonable. The key is REASON. You have to give & take - so will he. It''s a major purchase and you do have input. I think the first thing is to shop SMART. I would learn all you can. You seem to want a high quality stone. Have you seen an H in a great cut? In a diamond the size of 1c, you will likely not see anything visable in a VS2 - and SI1 for that matter.

You will be paying an enormous premium for Tiffany &Co. products. It is not a guarantee of absolute quality. Quality can be had for quite a bit less.

Guys do tend to be a bit clueless about jewelry & diamonds. He may not know your desires. Have a reasonable chat with him.

 

[diamondhunter10]

I am sure if you took the specs of the ring that you are looking for that you could get a better deal somewhere besides Tiffany''s. You may also want to look at different cuts and settings that can sometimes add a lot to the WOW factor.
I suggest you do what is in your heart. The decision is more emotional, meaning that he may be offended and subconsciously make him feel like less of a man. I know that is not the case with my husband, he would of loved the fact that I would offer to help in this situation, conversely, my brother-in-law would be devastated by that request.
Good Luck

 

[diamondseeker2006]

You''ve had tons of advice already, but I just wanted to affirm that I don''t think your thoughts are unreasonable at all for your situation (income, profession, area you live in, and age). I''d FAR rather spend the extra money on the ring than the wedding. And I see nothing wrong with a $10,000-13,000 budget considering what you have told us. I agree with deco and those that said guys are just clueless about the cost of diamonds. And while Tiffany is a great place to get sterling bracelets, etc., it is not the best place to get a diamond solitaire. For $13,000 you could get close to a 1.5 ct. diamond elsewhere!

We got my anniversary diamond from Good Old Gold without going there. But if you could go there, you''d get a diamond education, and and outstanding stone at a very fair price (make an appointment if you do). Then you can have it set in the SuperbCert Tiffany reproduction setting for about $1500.

Now, if he will not go to NY to look at GOG and will not order online (even with a 30 day no-questions-asked return policy), then I''d go to Quest Jewelers to buy a stone and have them make the Tiffany repro setting. You''d have to ask Quest in advance to bring in some stones for you to look at, and ask for GIA Excellent cut and AGS0 ideal cut and whatever you can handle for color and clarity. G-H is a nice white color without paying a big premium for the D-F range. But look at Good Old Gold''s tutorial on the 4 C''s to see pictures of color, clarity, etc.

http://www.goodoldgold.com/4Cs/

Here is the Quest site. Many people on here have had them make settings and some have bought diamonds as well. Their prices are better than many of the jewelers already mentioned for your area. There is no reason to overpay for a diamond.

http://www.questjewelers.com/

Let us know what happens!

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Just read another post on here by a 22 yr. old grad student spending $8000. So don''t feel bad about wanting to up the budget!

https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/average-budget.53412/

 

[jaz464]

Date: 11/14/2006 2:10:40 PM
Author: winternight
^^^

I also see alot of larger stones that don't have any sparkle or fire - maybe I can't articulte things correctly but that is why I'm very nervous about going a non-high end store route. Frankly I don't want to get anything less than about a VS1 and a F-G color. I am willing to look at a little lower wine first.

Looking at VS1, F-G is fine if that is what you like, but those things having absolutely nothing to do with sparkle or fire. VS1 is the clarity (inclusions in the diamond) and F-G is the color (or lack of). Cut is what determines sparkle and fire. There are many J color, SI clarity diamonds that will outsparkle an F VS any day of the week because they have a superior cut.

 

[Kay]

Date: 11/14/2006 5:54:29 PM
Author: diamondseeker2006
You've had tons of advice already, but I just wanted to affirm that I don't think your thoughts are unreasonable at all for your situation (income, profession, area you live in, and age). I'd FAR rather spend the extra money on the ring than the wedding. And I see nothing wrong with a $10,000-13,000 budget considering what you have told us. I agree with deco and those that said guys are just clueless about the cost of diamonds.

I agree completely. You are a professional woman in your 30's and you both have good salaries now and will make even more money later. With that said, it is still a tricky matter to not offend your future fiance. I have seen both sides of this issue. I am also an attorney, and two of my male associates, when they were ready to become engaged, expressed disgust at the price of diamonds, what a racket it is thanks to DeBeers, etc. They couldn't justify spending more than $5-6K on a diamond because they didn't think it was worth it - they saw no value in diamonds (unlike a house or a car). They saw the rings as a silly thing they had to purchase to make their girls happy (which they wanted to do). Of course, they both also purchased 1 carat solitaires within their budgets after I coached them on how to buy online.

When DH and I got engaged 3 years ago, I was a 31-year-old, mid-level associate. DH is also an attorney, so our financial situation was similar to yours. We are both "do it once, do it right" people, so I wanted a ring that I would be happy with forever -- no upgrades. I work with extremely wealthy clients, and it is important to look successful. I wanted something substantial, but tasteful. After doing a lot of research online, I set our budget at $5-6K because I knew I could get exactly what I wanted -- 1.0-1.25 ct, D-F marquise in a platinum solitaire -- within that price range and I love to get a good deal. (DH expected to shell out closer to 10K at a local store, so he really loved me for finding such a good deal at Whiteflash.)

I think the best approach might be to sit down with your boyfriend and tell him based on the rings you've looked at together, and what you see other female attorneys/professionals wearing, your dream ring would be a 1 carat solitaire. It would look appropriate for your professional situation and give you the most versatility with your wardrobe. Tell him you could tell he looked surprised when he saw the price of the ring at Tiffany's. Then tell him you have done some shopping around and believe you can get what you want for a much better price elsewhere. You could show him some examples of stones and settings you found at other stores. Then you look reasonable for trying to get him the best value for his money and he can decide if he is comfortable buying online or from a "non-premium" local jeweler or if he wants to double his budget to get you what you want at Tiffany's.

If you are going to NY soon, do yourself a favor and make an appointment to meet with Jonathan at Good Old Gold. He can show you hearts and arrows diamonds that will be better cut than what you find at Tiffany's for a better price. If nothing else, he will give you a great education. If he has something you like, you can order it online and have him ship it to you in DC to avoid the sales tax, and you will have an "in store" buying experience combined with an online price.

I understand wanting to stay with an F-G color because I am very color sensitive, but consider moving down a little in clarity. VS2 will be perfectly eye clean and look identical to VS1 w/o magnification (I believe there is no visible difference between VVS1 and VS2 to the naked eye). Many SI1 stones are also eye clean and allow a lot of buyers to get a larger stone while staying within budget.

Here are a few I found online that won't put you way over budget:

0.904ct G, VS2 for $5,576 (a .9-.99ct diamond will look like a 1ct to most people but will cost less per carat than a diamond that has made it over teh "magic" 1ct mark) http://www.goodoldgold.com/diamond/2562/

0.937ct D SI1 for $6,307 (I love this one. The ideal scope image and Gemex light performance report look fantastic. As long as Jonathan verifies it is eye clean, I bet it would be a stunner - if you can get comfortable with an SI1 clarity grade.) http://www.goodoldgold.com/diamond/2234/

1.012ct G VS1 for $7,203 http://www.goodoldgold.com/diamond/1648/

1.01ct G SI1 for $6,018 http://www.goodoldgold.com/diamond/2555/

Here are a few from Whiteflash. I had a great experience with them, but they are in Houston, so it would be more of a true internet purchase for you than GOG.

1.02 ct F VS2 for $7,106 http://www.whiteflash.com/round_ideal_cut/Round-Ideal-Cut-cut-diamond-52591.htm

1.017 ct G SI1 A Cut Above H&A for $6,256 (A Cut Above is their in-house "super ideal" H&A brand) http://www.whiteflash.com/hearts_arrows/A-Cut-Above-H-A-cut-diamond-49822.htm

1.007 ct G VS1 A Cut Above H&A for $8,190 http://www.whiteflash.com/hearts_arrows/A-Cut-Above-H-A-cut-diamond-55409.htm

Both Good Old Gold and Whiteflash have excellent reputations on this board. They have good return and upgrade policies. You can find a platinum solitaire (Tiffany repro or something different) online or at a local jeweler for between $500 and $1500.

 

[decodelighted]

You have GOT TO SEE this thread from today ... just LOOK at what you can get ONLINE, non-Tiffany.

Check it out.

GORGEOOOOOOHHH-SO.

More "evidence" for the case file you should start building asap!