Should I tell my mom I don''t like her dress?

[Sabine]

Okay, my mom would KILL me if she knew I posted this pic of her on here, but c''est la vie! Here''s the story: Right when I was picking my dress, I took my mom to David''s to show her the bridesmaid dresses. While we were there, I asked her to try on this MOB dress that they show on all their brochures with the Marine colored dresses (which is the color of my BM dresses). It''s this really pretty grey dress with sort of tank style straps, but it did look TERRIBLE on her. While we were looking at other colors, she found this dress and wanted to try it on. It is a bridesmaid dress, but she is young, so I thought she could pull it off. When I saw her, I told her I liked it, and it wasn''t till I got home and looked at the pics that I think I really saw how she looked. Now don''t get me wrong, I don''t think she looks bad, I just don''t know if a strapless BM dress is the way she should go. I''d really like to see her in something more, I don''t know, classy. I thought after a while I''d suggest going shopping, and we''d find something else, but I talked to her today and aparently she is IN LOVE with this dress (although in their light blue/grey color instead of purple) and ready to order it.

Actual question: should I tell her I think she could do better and suggest she at least look at other dresses, or should I let her be happy with this dress that she is in love with? And is it just me, or is this dress just too young for a MOB?

 

[Efe]

I would just tell her that you are concerned that she will look too much like a part of the wedding party as opposed to the MOB. I think it looks fine on her but it clearly looks like a brides maid dress.

 

[zoebartlett]

Hmm, tough one. I do think it looks more bridesmaidy. If it were MY mom, I''d say something (politely). The color is beautiful but I''m not sure it''s really appropriate for the mother of the bride. Maybe others will chime in and set me straight if I''m way off.

 

[surfgirl]

Sabine, my sympathies! Yeah, it''s not doing anything for your mom and it looks way too young for her. No disrespect intended! Why not say what we always say here "mom, I know you really like that dress, but I''ve been thinking and I think we can do much better. Let''s go shopping together and see if we cant find something more fancy/appropriate/special for you because I want you to look gorgeous on my wedding day!" Actually, I think the "I''d love to see you in something more special because that dress looks too much like a BM dress" strategy will be a better way to approach the situation.

If it makes you feel any better, my mother wore a ridiculous ball gown for my sister''s wedding, with a WHITE lace bodice (which I thought was tacky), and HUGE ball gown skirt! It was way WAY over the top. And for the rehearsal dinner she wore a very age-inappropriate dress that was WAY too mini for a woman of her age. So I sympathize with you totally!

 

[Independent Gal]

What Surfgirl said. Your mom can do better and look more stunning, and she''d probably appreciate you gently telling her so. But just make sure you phrase it in a constructive way! You could say ''Y''know, mom, I''ve seen you look like SUCH a knock-out, and the more I think about it, the more I think you''re not at your gorgeous best in this number." Or something like that. Then suggest a fun girly-shopping day or something.

If it''s any encouragement, I went through a similar thing with my mom and she was totally on board when I gently said something. It turned out not to be a big deal. And we''ll be going shopping together for her dress when I visit her next month, something we''re both looking forward to!

 

[Sabine]

Thanks BizouMom, Zoe, Surfgirl, and Indy! I think I will gently suggest that she could do better and make a fun day out of it! Any suggestions on what kind of dresses I should try to get her to try on?

 

[E B]

What if she purchased some kind of pretty beaded or lace jacket to wear over it? I think alone and strapless it looks like a BM dress, but with her shoulders covered, it could be lovely and appropriate for a mother of the bride.

 

[E B]

For instance, David sells a three-quarter sleeve bolero in several colors (including the Marine):

Satin Bolero Jacket

Just a suggestion! I know my mom was so stressed out about what she'd wear, and if your mom really loves this dress, it might be a great compromise!

 

[surfgirl]

I think you should try the evening wear departments of some major department stores like Nordstrom''s, Macy''s, etc. In fact, Nordie''s always has great evening wear selections on its website!

 

[shigidigi]

Sabine, I think that Ebree is onto something- if your mother wont listen to your "we can do better" talk, see if you cant find something nice to cover her shoulders that will make her outfit more classy looking.

You can also show your mom some outfits from Nordstrom''s. I love that they have flat $5 shipping no matter what you buy! And then you can always return what you dont like to the stores.

What about something like this: linky

Nordstrom has a whole section of mother of the bride dresses and outfits- take a look, you never know what you AND your mom might like! MOB Dresses

 

[FireGoddess]

Is it bridesmaidish? Yes.
Does it look good on her? Yes.

If she loves it, why not let her get it, with possibly a wrap to go with it to make it more MOB-ish? (And I don't mean a matching satin wrap, I mean....some other sort of complementary wrap.)

ETA: I didn't read the whole thread and after doing so, it seems I'm on the same page with Ebree.

 

[shigidigi]

Oh and by the way it could be worse- my mom signed us up for "What Not to Wear"!! Calling herself apple-shaped, etc. I really hope they dont call...

 

[oobiecoo]

If she is really truly in love with he dress then I would suggest a jacket to go over it.

http://www.siriinc.com/mother-of-the-bride.html Has some nice ones...

 

[Stephanie]

I totally agree with Ebree. Sometimes people just have their heart set on a particular item and they will not compromise. A jacket or wrap may be perfect!

 

[Sabine]

I think a lace or organza jacket might work if she does have her heart set on the dress! I really like the organza one that shigidigi posted! And oobiecoo, I think I might have to have her look at the dresses on the site you posted no matter what! They are very pretty, and not the typical beaded top MOB dresses that I know she does NOT like. I know you were just suggesting it for the wraps, but I really like the dresses there!

 

[TravelingGal]

I agree...a nice covering of some type should do the trick.

 

[cara]

So before opening the thread, I read the title and was imagining minor stylistic differences between bride and mother for a dress already purchased, so planning to write "Well, just let your mom pick her own dress... who cares if its the wrong color or whatnot"

But apparantly I had a failure of imagination, as when I opened up the thread my thought was:

"No!!! Please save that good woman from looking like Barney!"

OK. Now that I calmed down and read that it will be in grey, I am much relieved. It looks like a million other synthetic satiny bridesmaid dresses, I don''t imagine grey would be doing much for your mother''s complexion, but it must be an improvement over the purple, and I can see how a woman of her proportions would appreciate the silhouette created by the dress and side gather.

But since she has not ordered it I think you can safely beg for another mother-daughter bonding moment and try to drag her out shopping again.

If she balks or still wants it after trying on alternatives, please do get her a non-matchy-matchy wrap or shawl as Ebree and others suggest. Not that there is anything inappropriate per se about the neckline, just that it looks like mom trying on her daughter''s junior prom dress and she needs to age up the outfit somehow if she is going to wear a bridesmaid standard.

 

[VRBeauty]

Cara captured my response perfectly (and put it much better than I could have!) I think you''d be doing her a favor by telling her you have reservations about her choice. Most BM dresses are made on the cheap because the maids are basically forced to buy dresses that -- let''s face it -- most of them would never dream of wearing in any other setting.

Your mother deserves better for her daughter''s wedding! She also deserves to look more dignified than that dress (no matter how you dress it up) will allow.

If it''s the strapless look she''s enthralled with, mayby you could suggest that she go strapless for the rehearsal dinner. I''m sure there will be lots of strapless sundresses to choose from come next spring.

 

[Gypsy]

The only problem I have with it is that it looks like a BM dress. Something with some detail beading or embriodery (not prom-ish or BM-y) in that color in a similar style would look lovely. Or I think with the right shrug it would look appropriate... and she could take the shrug off if she gets hot... but makes the 'right' first impression at the same time. I don't think that mom's have to look dowdy, and your mom looks good, so I wouldn't burst her buble too much.

 

[qtiekiki]

What is it that really bothers you with the dress your mom chose? Is it because it''s strapless? Then a jacket, shrug, wrap will do the trick. Is it because it looks like a BM dress? Then you will need to find a new dress with your mom.

I think the dress looks fine on your mom and it''s classy, not revealing or anything. I don''t see anything wrong with a MOB wearing that dress. There''s no reason for a MOB not to look and feel young. My mom wore a strapless lavender gown for my wedding and she looks really classy.

 

[surfgirl]

qt, the difference between your mom's dress and this one is miles apart, IMO. Your mom has on a lovely, age appropriate evening gown that seems to be made of gorgeous silk shantung and very elegant beading. The David's one is cheap poly faux satin (I say that having seen those dresses in person), and the styling is more like a BM or a prom dress. Not something a MOB should be wearing. BTW, I love your mom's dress qt! I hope you can find your mom something entirely different. I dont think a wrap will save this dress...Just my two cents though. I think your mom could look a million times prettier in a different dress, different fabric, different styling. With her coloring, something in a bronze or gold color perhaps?

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 10/24/2007 8:57:32 PM
Author: surfgirl
qt, the difference between your mom''s dress and this one is miles apart, IMO. Your mom has on a lovely, age appropriate evening gown that seems to be made of gorgeous silk shantung and very elegant beading. The David''s one is cheap poly faux satin, and the styling is more like a BM or a prom dress. Not something a MOB should be wearing. BTW, I love your mom''s dress qt!

You beat me to it Surfgirl.

 

[Hera]

Date: 10/24/2007 9:00:34 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 10/24/2007 8:57:32 PM
Author: surfgirl
qt, the difference between your mom''s dress and this one is miles apart, IMO. Your mom has on a lovely, age appropriate evening gown that seems to be made of gorgeous silk shantung and very elegant beading. The David''s one is cheap poly faux satin, and the styling is more like a BM or a prom dress. Not something a MOB should be wearing. BTW, I love your mom''s dress qt!

You beat me to it Surfgirl.

I agree too.

 

[Independent Gal]

Another ditto (quadritto?).

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

I think the dress is all wrong. Nothing is going to show her age more clearly than her arms and with them uncovered it does look very bridesmaid.
I also think the cheap fabric and cut that they use is not doing your mother a lot of favors. A bias cut or a slightly heavier fabric would be more flattering.
For me, the biggest problem is with the colors. I dn''t know what your wedding color scheme is, but you mother needs to wear either a more saturated or color or a warm tone. She has beautiful golden skin and pastels and cool colors are just going to wash her out rather than make her glow.

 

[dmamsquared]

http://www.chadwicks.com/womens-Special-Occasion.aspx?DeptId=8219&Page=1&12PerPage=true

Check these out. My friend chose a MOG dress from Chadwicks. At first I thought ewwww, Chadwicks, but I have to say that she looked like a million bucks. I''d post her picture, but I think we would not be friends anymore. She went with a color that she knew most flattered her complexion, which turned out to be a salmon pink color. As the mother of a very picky soon-to-be-bride, I am not sure how she would handle this. I would have to say though, I would be able to sense if she were not being totally honest. I value her opinion most of the time. In the long run, she is usually right. But we won''t tell her that.

 

[shigidigi]

I like some of the Chadwick''s dresses dmamsquared''s link went to.

What about this beautiful dress?? dress

 

[qtiekiki]

I guess I wasn''t thinking so much about the fabric, but more referring to the strapless. For some reason, it just seems to me that it''s the strapless that bothers Sabine since she says that a jacket/wrap might work. I could be wrong.

On otherhand, my mom tried on a satin Jessica McClintock strapless dress and a few of their MOB dresses when we were dress shopping. I thought my mom looks much better in the regular line because the MOB dresses made her look older.

My mom got her dress at www.groupusa.com. Their online store selection is very limited, but if there''s one near you, their in-store selection is pretty good.

 

[eks6426]

hmm, well I agree with Ebree that maybe a bolero type thing would work but instead of having it in matching satin, how about a nice thicker lace in darker champaign/gold. I'm not sure what color YOUR dress is, but usually the purple and champaign colors look good together. It might tone down the purple some....

That being said, I'd still vote for taking your mom dress shopping under the guise of "not wanting her to look like a bridesmaid." I think the strapless on her is actually nice, but a better quality dress would drape nicer.

Good luck!

 

[Sabine]

Wow, thanks for all the opinions/suggestions! I don''t think I would have a problem with a strapless dress if it was one that was more flattering on her. My problem is that the dress is too bridesmaidy and just doesn''t look sophisticated. By sophisticated I don''t mean old, I love that my mom is still young and can pull of a lot of great styles (because I often get to raid her closet!!!) I actually liked the one shigidigi posted from the Chadwick''s link dmamsquared posted, but I think my mom would balk at something that shiny. I actually like a lot of the dresses at Chadwick''s, but I think my mom wants something with more structure (maybe why she is so drawn to the side draping a-line). I also think a richer color like bronze would look a lot better on her too. She is worried about matching my bridal party. Our wedding colors are navy blue, dark purple, light blue and light purple. My girls are wearing navy blue, so she doesn''t want that, but she still wanted a coordinating color, which is why she wanted grey/slate blue. Do you think she needs to coordinate with the bridal party? She will be in pictures with the girls, with me with our flowers, etc. Any suggestions on colors she could look at that would go better with her complexion that would still somehow GO with the wedding colors?