merlinthecat
Rough_Rock
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Should I wear my ring??
- Thread starter IluvEmeralds
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trillionaire
Ideal_Rock
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IluvEmeralds
Shiny_Rock
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Date: 8/24/2008 7:04:49 PM
Author: trillionaire
you are nicer than me. I would elope and show up to the wedding with my wedding pictures!
Trillionaire-
Not a bad idea really...I like your style!
Still I''m hurt about what to do with the fam...I''ve talked to the sis, and the parents...and still nothing...even when I said I wouldn''t wear it until AFTER her wedding (around them @ least!!) I just finished talking with my sis....and though she doesn''t know I am working on the ring (or my mom either)....she is def with my mom''s opinion of no ring for me..
***SIGH***! Sorry to be a pain ladies but you are a HUGE help to me right now!! Thank you from the bottom of my heart!!
Guilty Pleasure
Brilliant_Rock
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Seriously??
I would get engaged as soon as that ring gets ready. Then I would wait two weeks until after my sister''s wedding to EMAIL*** my parents and say, "We''ve been engaged for x months. This is how he proposed. Here are the pictures from the proposal (clearly showing that you had a ring). We plan on getting married on such and such date. hugs and kisses, your darling daughter."
*** okay I probably would not email. I''d wait to see them in person or call if out of state. But I''m ticked at your family, so I''m suggesting giving them the cold shoulder.
Either way, I do not think you should postpone your engagement, and I DO think you should make it clear to them that they have been out of the loop.
I would get engaged as soon as that ring gets ready. Then I would wait two weeks until after my sister''s wedding to EMAIL*** my parents and say, "We''ve been engaged for x months. This is how he proposed. Here are the pictures from the proposal (clearly showing that you had a ring). We plan on getting married on such and such date. hugs and kisses, your darling daughter."
*** okay I probably would not email. I''d wait to see them in person or call if out of state. But I''m ticked at your family, so I''m suggesting giving them the cold shoulder.
Either way, I do not think you should postpone your engagement, and I DO think you should make it clear to them that they have been out of the loop.
sugarjo
Shiny_Rock
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your sister sounds like a brat. for real. i think we all know that on her big day, it would take an army of zombies with pitch forks and rabid unicorns to "steal her thunder".... is she so insecure that she can''t share in this happiness with you.
chances are my sister and i will get engaged within a year of each other, probably within a few months. i''m the oldest and really don''t care.
i say, slap the brat.
hugs,
sugar<<
chances are my sister and i will get engaged within a year of each other, probably within a few months. i''m the oldest and really don''t care.
i say, slap the brat.
hugs,
sugar<<
Guilty Pleasure
Brilliant_Rock
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Do you have holiday plans yet for Thanksgiving and/ or Christmas? If the wedding is in early November, and you plan on flying back to your family's state for one of the holidays, then I say get engaged in October and wait until the holiday to officially announce it. If the wedding is in late November, then wait until Christmas.
At the holiday dinner, say, "Dearest family, {insert FI's name here] and I have an announcement to make. We are engaged! [FI slips ring on your finger] We are planning on getting married in [insert location and month or exact date here]" Then sit down and smile. If they ask for the story or ask when it happened, tell them the truth. Tell them you have been committed to marry each other since [insert month here] and designed the ring together in August. The ring came in in October and [insert romantic ring giving story here], but you wanted to wait for a family gathering before announcing it officially. The big elephant in the room will be that there WAS a family gathering, but they were a bunch of jerks and didn't want to accept your news, so whatev. IF someone is snarky about the fact that you were engaged before sister's wedding, say in your best Tibetan monk voice "If ring falls in forest, and no girl is there to see the diamond sparkle, did the ring really fall?"
Just kidding. Tell them the engagement wasn't official until you announced it to your family. (but his side and all your friends in Florida have known for months
)
There ya go. I can't think of a more polite and "high-road" way to handle it. Quite frankly, I hope you have a destination wedding and leave all these brats behind!
At the holiday dinner, say, "Dearest family, {insert FI's name here] and I have an announcement to make. We are engaged! [FI slips ring on your finger] We are planning on getting married in [insert location and month or exact date here]" Then sit down and smile. If they ask for the story or ask when it happened, tell them the truth. Tell them you have been committed to marry each other since [insert month here] and designed the ring together in August. The ring came in in October and [insert romantic ring giving story here], but you wanted to wait for a family gathering before announcing it officially. The big elephant in the room will be that there WAS a family gathering, but they were a bunch of jerks and didn't want to accept your news, so whatev. IF someone is snarky about the fact that you were engaged before sister's wedding, say in your best Tibetan monk voice "If ring falls in forest, and no girl is there to see the diamond sparkle, did the ring really fall?"
Just kidding. Tell them the engagement wasn't official until you announced it to your family. (but his side and all your friends in Florida have known for months
There ya go. I can't think of a more polite and "high-road" way to handle it. Quite frankly, I hope you have a destination wedding and leave all these brats behind!
risingsun
Ideal_Rock
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diamondfan
Super_Ideal_Rock
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I think you could bow down, sure, and it would please them to get you to do so. However, you are an adult, and while I do not think you should be rude about it, this is your choice with your fiance. I think it is pretty silly for them to be thinking that they can control you to this degree.
Yes, the ring might make it feel more official, but you guys are already engaged. I might tell my mom, hey mom, I am fully supportive of Sis, and do not want to steal her thunder, but aren''t you carrying this thing a little too far? I am not an attention seeker, and we are just doing what works for us, this is not about her.
I do not know what to say other than if you wear it you know people will get pissy, and you have to decide if it is worth it. But I am also somewhat confrontational in those situations. Me, I would likely NOT have worn it out of courtesy until they were snarky. And while I still might not end of doing it (I CAN be a chicken!!) I would want to all the more just for their attitude. Your mom should be happy for you, but since you say she is not a big fan of your future hubby I guess she is not going to jump for joy, which is sad.
Yes, the ring might make it feel more official, but you guys are already engaged. I might tell my mom, hey mom, I am fully supportive of Sis, and do not want to steal her thunder, but aren''t you carrying this thing a little too far? I am not an attention seeker, and we are just doing what works for us, this is not about her.
I do not know what to say other than if you wear it you know people will get pissy, and you have to decide if it is worth it. But I am also somewhat confrontational in those situations. Me, I would likely NOT have worn it out of courtesy until they were snarky. And while I still might not end of doing it (I CAN be a chicken!!) I would want to all the more just for their attitude. Your mom should be happy for you, but since you say she is not a big fan of your future hubby I guess she is not going to jump for joy, which is sad.
kittybean
Ideal_Rock
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Well, it is really late here, but I just had to log in to post on this thread. To the OP: I am so, so sorry that your family has put you in this awful situation. They are being ridiculous, controlling, mean-spirited, joy-sucking, self-involved, rude, and absolutely irrational. The fact that your mom brought it up again in such a deliberate manner is SHOCKING to me. I am aghast at her audacity.
I think you should get engaged whenever you want. Whether it''s before or after your sister''s wedding, it''s between you and your FF. I think that, after their unbelievably inconsiderate behavior, you would be totally justified in wearing your ring proudly and announcing your engagement at your sister''s wedding. I understand, however, that you may want to put off the engagement announcement for the sake of family harmony, and if you can do that, you are a much, much better person than me. I would respond to their disrespect and misbehavior by totally ignoring it and pretending as if they had said nothing to me. Such a lack of consideration for the happiness of their daughter and sister deserves no acknowledgment.
To me, happiness should be shared. If my brother (I have no sisters) were to hypothetically get engaged a month before my wedding, I would be THRILLED and would encourage him to share his happy news with all of our extended family and friends at the wedding. I would toast to them and congratulate them on their happiness, and I would feel even more joy that day. In no way would his fiance "steal my thunder" by showing off her ring. I have realized in the course of my wedding planning thus far that my wedding is not all about me; it is a family affair. Of course I want "my day" to be very special, but I want it to be special for all my guests as well. I wouldn''t dream of asking someone to postpone their happiness because it might "interfere" with mine. There is no such concept in my mind, and just as I would respect and share in my brother''s happiness, I expect him to respect and share in mine.
My closest cousin, my "almost sister," got engaged six months before I did. Am I stealing her thunder by also being engaged and wearing my ring to her wedding? Absolutely not. My family is doubly happy, and my cousin and I have done nothing but share our joy (well, and our frustrations with the wedding planning process). We are so happy for each other and so excited to be going through this exciting time in our lives together.
As other posters have said, a bride does not get a YEAR in which all celebrations, all happiness, and all attention belong solely to her. Please, please, please don''t let your family mar this wonderful time in your life with their nonsense. Do whatever makes the most sense to you.
Big HUGS to you, and I''m so sorry again that you have to deal with this. You deserve so much more.
I think you should get engaged whenever you want. Whether it''s before or after your sister''s wedding, it''s between you and your FF. I think that, after their unbelievably inconsiderate behavior, you would be totally justified in wearing your ring proudly and announcing your engagement at your sister''s wedding. I understand, however, that you may want to put off the engagement announcement for the sake of family harmony, and if you can do that, you are a much, much better person than me. I would respond to their disrespect and misbehavior by totally ignoring it and pretending as if they had said nothing to me. Such a lack of consideration for the happiness of their daughter and sister deserves no acknowledgment.
To me, happiness should be shared. If my brother (I have no sisters) were to hypothetically get engaged a month before my wedding, I would be THRILLED and would encourage him to share his happy news with all of our extended family and friends at the wedding. I would toast to them and congratulate them on their happiness, and I would feel even more joy that day. In no way would his fiance "steal my thunder" by showing off her ring. I have realized in the course of my wedding planning thus far that my wedding is not all about me; it is a family affair. Of course I want "my day" to be very special, but I want it to be special for all my guests as well. I wouldn''t dream of asking someone to postpone their happiness because it might "interfere" with mine. There is no such concept in my mind, and just as I would respect and share in my brother''s happiness, I expect him to respect and share in mine.
My closest cousin, my "almost sister," got engaged six months before I did. Am I stealing her thunder by also being engaged and wearing my ring to her wedding? Absolutely not. My family is doubly happy, and my cousin and I have done nothing but share our joy (well, and our frustrations with the wedding planning process). We are so happy for each other and so excited to be going through this exciting time in our lives together.
As other posters have said, a bride does not get a YEAR in which all celebrations, all happiness, and all attention belong solely to her. Please, please, please don''t let your family mar this wonderful time in your life with their nonsense. Do whatever makes the most sense to you.
Big HUGS to you, and I''m so sorry again that you have to deal with this. You deserve so much more.
Carbonlove
Rough_Rock
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I don't see how you are "stealing her thunder" by being engaged before your sister's wedding. I can see if you are
both planning your weddings at the same time that might be conflicting, but you wouldn't even be planning by then.
That is the silliest thing I've ever heard. Your family should be happy for you both. Your sister sounds incredibly
selfish I'm sorry for that. Like DF said they shouldn't control your life. What other silly rules are they going to make up? You can't wear white at your wedding because your sister did?!
They should realize that your love life has nothing to do with them. I honestly feel that you are going to tell them you are engaged so close after your sister's wedding that they are still going to act ridiculous. Is it just your sister and mother that feel this way? Do they have a closer relationship? Are you even close to them? I'm not sure I would even be interesting in telling my engagement story to such negative people. I would be very interesting in your sister's reasoning of not wanting you to be engaged before her wedding. Sounds insecure. I want the best for my brother, but then again I don't need attention to make me feel good about myself.
both planning your weddings at the same time that might be conflicting, but you wouldn't even be planning by then.
That is the silliest thing I've ever heard. Your family should be happy for you both. Your sister sounds incredibly
selfish I'm sorry for that. Like DF said they shouldn't control your life. What other silly rules are they going to make up? You can't wear white at your wedding because your sister did?!
They should realize that your love life has nothing to do with them. I honestly feel that you are going to tell them you are engaged so close after your sister's wedding that they are still going to act ridiculous. Is it just your sister and mother that feel this way? Do they have a closer relationship? Are you even close to them? I'm not sure I would even be interesting in telling my engagement story to such negative people. I would be very interesting in your sister's reasoning of not wanting you to be engaged before her wedding. Sounds insecure. I want the best for my brother, but then again I don't need attention to make me feel good about myself.
LaraOnline
Ideal_Rock
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I wholeheartedly agree. I''ve heard of this attitude a few times since being on this forum - and I guess it is very personal, bouncing off family politics, past history etc etc, but surely....? The more the merrier - and joy shared etc etc. How can your happy event affect her happy event except by making it happier?? Why won''t your mum see how unfair and mean it all is?
IluvEmeralds
Shiny_Rock
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- Aug 13, 2008
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Hi Ladies,
I apologize for my late reply....first day of school...and it''s been NUTS!! (i''m a middle school teacher). Thank you thank you for all of your honest replies. Again, you have helped me more than I can ever say. Myself and my FF have yet to decide how we are going to handle this one, but this forum has given me a lot of other angles to think about that I hadn''t yet considered so thank you! I suppose I will know what is best for me once I have that ring on my finger. My only hope is that I will find a solution that can make me and my FF AND my family happy. (Although I''ve come to realize there is a LIMIT with them for sure!!)
thank you again...and I promise to keep you updated. All you PSers ROCK!!
I apologize for my late reply....first day of school...and it''s been NUTS!! (i''m a middle school teacher). Thank you thank you for all of your honest replies. Again, you have helped me more than I can ever say. Myself and my FF have yet to decide how we are going to handle this one, but this forum has given me a lot of other angles to think about that I hadn''t yet considered so thank you! I suppose I will know what is best for me once I have that ring on my finger. My only hope is that I will find a solution that can make me and my FF AND my family happy. (Although I''ve come to realize there is a LIMIT with them for sure!!)
thank you again...and I promise to keep you updated. All you PSers ROCK!!
vita*dolce
Brilliant_Rock
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wow, i''m sorry that your family is spoiling such a wonderful time for you! if your FI proposes and gives you the ring you should absolutely wear it, and your mom should be happy for you no matter what is going on in your sister''s life.
i absolutely think it''s important to respect your sister''s feelings, if my sister were getting married i wouldn''t want to get engaged for at least a month after my sister''s wedding, but that''s a decision for you to make, it''s none of your mother''s business.
good luck with your sticky situation!!
i absolutely think it''s important to respect your sister''s feelings, if my sister were getting married i wouldn''t want to get engaged for at least a month after my sister''s wedding, but that''s a decision for you to make, it''s none of your mother''s business.
good luck with your sticky situation!!
swingirl
Ideal_Rock
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Whether you are engaged or not you can survive for one day without the ring on your finger. If your family has requested it, it must be a big deal to them. It isn't polite to take attention away from the bride on her wedding day. But waiting a whole year is ridiculous unless there is some cultural rule about that time frame. I've never heard of any "rule" about engagements amongst family members. Someone is making that one up! And I wouldn't play along with their game unless this family "rule" is something everyone knew about 20 generations ago.
You shouldn't be keeping quiet about it, though. You should tell your mother that although you won't be getting engaged before your sister's wedding, you WILL be getting engaged when your boyfriend asks...and you are expecting it to be soon!
You shouldn't be keeping quiet about it, though. You should tell your mother that although you won't be getting engaged before your sister's wedding, you WILL be getting engaged when your boyfriend asks...and you are expecting it to be soon!
brooklyngirl
Brilliant_Rock
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It''s such a shame you have to deal with this. Get "officially" engaged when the ring is ready, and tell your family then. If it''s a month before your sister''s wedding, I really don''t see why this should be a problem. No one should tell you when to get engaged, and you shouldn''t allow them to have such power over you.
From your posts, it seems that your sister is a lot closer with you mom than you are, or is maybe favored by your mom over you, and this is where this awful reaction is coming from. I can definitely see how hurtful that is, and I hope that it doesn''t ruin this wonderful time in your life.
On the same note, in your place, I would have an elopement. Invite a couple of your closest friends, go somewhere romantic and get married without the drama. What bride needs people at her wedding who aren''t happy for her?
My situation is sort of similar - my mom wasn''t exactly thrilled at my engagement. She didn''t say so -- in fact she didn''t say anything, until I reminded her that she should congratulate us. At one point she was even reluctant to drink to the engagement. Ouch. My sister has been married for 9 years now, but I am positive that if my sister and I were at this stage of life at around the same time, I would be *told* to step aside so that my sister could have her day (or month, year, whatever). Sometimes I wish that I would have agreed to a tiny destination wedding, instead of having to deal with my family and all the wedding planning. There, I said it. Bah!
I really don''t have much advice other than do what works for you and makes you happy. There will always be people who aren''t happy with something you''ve said or done. You can''t live to make them happy. Every couple goes about their engagement in their own way. Not everyone wants to share with the whole world that they''re in the process of picking out the ring, having it made, whatever. Some people like to present the finished product. That difference is nothing to give someone grief about.
From your posts, it seems that your sister is a lot closer with you mom than you are, or is maybe favored by your mom over you, and this is where this awful reaction is coming from. I can definitely see how hurtful that is, and I hope that it doesn''t ruin this wonderful time in your life.
On the same note, in your place, I would have an elopement. Invite a couple of your closest friends, go somewhere romantic and get married without the drama. What bride needs people at her wedding who aren''t happy for her?
My situation is sort of similar - my mom wasn''t exactly thrilled at my engagement. She didn''t say so -- in fact she didn''t say anything, until I reminded her that she should congratulate us. At one point she was even reluctant to drink to the engagement. Ouch. My sister has been married for 9 years now, but I am positive that if my sister and I were at this stage of life at around the same time, I would be *told* to step aside so that my sister could have her day (or month, year, whatever). Sometimes I wish that I would have agreed to a tiny destination wedding, instead of having to deal with my family and all the wedding planning. There, I said it. Bah!
I really don''t have much advice other than do what works for you and makes you happy. There will always be people who aren''t happy with something you''ve said or done. You can''t live to make them happy. Every couple goes about their engagement in their own way. Not everyone wants to share with the whole world that they''re in the process of picking out the ring, having it made, whatever. Some people like to present the finished product. That difference is nothing to give someone grief about.
anchor31
Ideal_Rock
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- Oct 18, 2005
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I think your family is being completely unreasonable. A "year for her perfect wedding"? They have to be kidding. A wedding is one day and it always seems to me like people always blow it''s importance out of proportion. My brother got engaged 3 months before my wedding, sent his STDs 2 months before it and is getting married 3 months after it. There was some drama because he initially talked about "beating me to the altar" (his words), but otherwise there was no fuss at all. Why should there be? We can''t spend our lives walking on eggshells making sure that were not making anyone unhappy, and putting our lives on hold because we''re "stealing thunder" or whatever. Your family needs to get some perspective here... Do they really believe it''s ok to ask you to wait a whole year after your sister''s wedding to even get engaged? It''s crazy. If you''d been planning to have a super short engagement and get married right before your sister, my opinion would be different... but getting engaged, I don''t see the problem.
Bottom line, if your BF proposes before your sister''s wedding, wear your ring! Just deflect questions about it... That''s what my brother did about his wedding at mine, and everything was fine.
Bottom line, if your BF proposes before your sister''s wedding, wear your ring! Just deflect questions about it... That''s what my brother did about his wedding at mine, and everything was fine.
cbs102
Brilliant_Rock
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honestly, the more i think about it i just find it appalling that people put such stipulations on others...especially your family! Here is what you should do... If your future fiance feels that he is ready to propose...(oh wait, he did that already right) and he gives you that beautiful ring that you both have been working and dreaming up, and asks you to spend the rest of your life with him, than i think you should say yes... scream it in fact. this has nothing to do with ANYONE but you and your fiance!!!! i don''t believe in this stealing thunder crap. it is what it is. you and your sister are both in serious relationships... she is planning a wedding and you are about to. i don''t see what the big deal is??? your sister is the one in the white dress and veil not you..you will just have a ring on your finger... i would go tell her to shut the bleep up and get over it. you live your life for you... not to make everyone else happy.
robbie3982
Ideal_Rock
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I just kind of scanned the replies so sorry if this is a complete repeat. Wow, I can''t believe that they would say that to you! I think your family is being ridiculous! I would wear your ring when you get it, including to the wedding. There''s no reason you should have to pretend that you''re not engaged when you are. I think the sooner you tell your family that you''re engaged, the better. It''ll give them more time to get over the fact that you''re not doing what they say. As long as you''re not going around talking about your wedding plans in great detail at her wedding I don''t see the issue.
I got married last September and had 2 cousins planning weddings right around the same time (well, one was just a belated reception). We had a reception for one cousin on a saturday followed by a shower for the other cousin the following day, followed by cousin #2''s wedding the next saturday, followed by my shower that sunday. We had a lot of out of town relatives and everything had to be condensed so that everyone could make everything. I''m with everyone who said you get one day for your wedding. That''s it. And just because it''s your day doesn''t mean that everyone else has to stop living their lives.
What are they going to do when your sister gets pregnant? No babies for you for a year? Ugh. I''m really annoyed for you.
I got married last September and had 2 cousins planning weddings right around the same time (well, one was just a belated reception). We had a reception for one cousin on a saturday followed by a shower for the other cousin the following day, followed by cousin #2''s wedding the next saturday, followed by my shower that sunday. We had a lot of out of town relatives and everything had to be condensed so that everyone could make everything. I''m with everyone who said you get one day for your wedding. That''s it. And just because it''s your day doesn''t mean that everyone else has to stop living their lives.
What are they going to do when your sister gets pregnant? No babies for you for a year? Ugh. I''m really annoyed for you.
Amzizzle
Shiny_Rock
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- Jul 17, 2008
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Honestly,I think there the ones acting like spoiled brats....but wearing the ring and getting everyone angry isn''t the way to go about it either.I would share your feeling of disagreance,but not wear the ring to the wedding (I say wear it everywhere else though!). You should maybe think about asking them again a week or two after the wedding to,people forget really fast and it may not be nearly as big a deal then.Good luck!
cbs102
Brilliant_Rock
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i disagree ! why can''t you wear this ring if you are engaged??? the ring is a symbol of that engagement! it is one that her FF spent a lot of hard earned money on. i think that your family has lost their ever lovin mind. seriously.Date: 8/26/2008 2:37:35 PM
Author: Amzizzle
Honestly,I think there the ones acting like spoiled brats....but wearing the ring and getting everyone angry isn''t the way to go about it either.I would share your feeling of disagreance,but not wear the ring to the wedding (I say wear it everywhere else though!). You should maybe think about asking them again a week or two after the wedding to,people forget really fast and it may not be nearly as big a deal then.Good luck!
purrfectpear
Ideal_Rock
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- Mar 31, 2008
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She can. No one is agreeing with the crazy relatives. Some have commented that even though the crazies are wrong, it might be prudent to not wear the ring for that one day simply to improve future relations. If it''s some point of honor with you to be "right" then by all means wear it. I don''t think anyone here would say you were wrong. But.....sometimes you can know you are right, and still take the path of least resistance in the case of close family members. My concern would be that you would be risking the mom freaking out and ruining the day. Totally unnecessary and so easy to avoid. It''s one day.Date: 8/26/2008 2:57:28 PM
Author: cbs102
i disagree ! why can''t you wear this ring if you are engaged??? the ring is a symbol of that engagement! it is one that her FF spent a lot of hard earned money on. i think that your family has lost their ever lovin mind. seriously.Date: 8/26/2008 2:37:35 PM
Author: Amzizzle
Honestly,I think there the ones acting like spoiled brats....but wearing the ring and getting everyone angry isn''t the way to go about it either.I would share your feeling of disagreance,but not wear the ring to the wedding (I say wear it everywhere else though!). You should maybe think about asking them again a week or two after the wedding to,people forget really fast and it may not be nearly as big a deal then.Good luck!
- Joined
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Can you have a talk with your mom, maybe? Explain that you have no intention of "stealing" anything from your sister, be it thunder, attention, whatever, and that while your sister''s wedding should most certainly not be about your engagement ... neither should your engagement be about YOUR SISTER''S WEDDING. Bottom line is, you''re a grown woman with your own life, and no one else gets to dictate how you live it. Given how immature your family is acting, I would most certainly refrain from wearing the ring if it would cause a kerfuffle, just for the sake of your own grace and peace of mind ... but if you get the usual wedding question of when is it your turn, I wouldn''t hide the truth, either!
I have to agree with Deco and Allycat. It is only one month. Let your sister have her day and then you will get to have yours. If they already told you it will be a big deal, is it really worth the hurt feelings? I know getting engaged is exciting, but it will be even more so without the controversary. You've waited this long...
Could you announce it the day after the wedding?
Could you announce it the day after the wedding?
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Personally I'd rather than someone announce a week before the wedding than the day after the wedding. The week before was stressful and any distraction was welcome. The day after I was waking up blissfully next to my partner and spending the day with family just listing to everyone's reflections of the wedding.
diamondfan
Super_Ideal_Rock
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I think Ppear''s point is valid in terms of the dynamics here. I think they are being a tad jerky and selfish. However, that is the status quo, and sometimes, even when you are dead right, it only causes bigger issues to push the envelope. YOU know you are engaged. You know your family. If you think all will calm down and you can appear in your ring, engaged, do it. I think bowing down to them on a certain level sucks. But you also have to deal with them in the future, and sometimes even when one is right the price is high. I am the type who could get mad about it, and really want to wear it, but in the end I would likely cave in and NOT wear it as I am a bit of chicken where confrontation is concerned. (but it would piss me off greatly and I would likely grumble under my breath about it for a while !!!)
louisvgirl
Shiny_Rock
- Joined
- Oct 9, 2007
- Messages
- 323
The fact that your family has said you can''t get engaged or ?? in a year, is absolutely ridiculous. How does anyone dictate something like that to 2 adults ???i
After having the ring in October:
BF/FI: I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you? Will you marry me?
You: No, sorry. My mommy said I can''t.
Absolutely not. You and your FI , bless your hearts, are being put through the ringer, and I can see why HE is P***** off. You can''t blame him.
You get re-engaged with your beautiful custom big ring, when YOU want to. Don''t mothers know that when they tell their kids not to do something, they''re going to want to do it more??? Considering what you have shared regarding your sister and mother, they will make your life hell if you show up with the ring to your sister''s wedding. They will never let you live it down. Is it worth it to you, to go through with it for a few hours?? If it doesn''t matter, then wear it. If it does, then hold back. I would take satisfaction knowing that we are engaged, ring and all, and that we did it, even when we were told not to. I would then announce our engagement a couple of weeks later. Not in 2009, according to your mother''s wishes.
After having the ring in October:
BF/FI: I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you? Will you marry me?
You: No, sorry. My mommy said I can''t.
Absolutely not. You and your FI , bless your hearts, are being put through the ringer, and I can see why HE is P***** off. You can''t blame him.
You get re-engaged with your beautiful custom big ring, when YOU want to. Don''t mothers know that when they tell their kids not to do something, they''re going to want to do it more??? Considering what you have shared regarding your sister and mother, they will make your life hell if you show up with the ring to your sister''s wedding. They will never let you live it down. Is it worth it to you, to go through with it for a few hours?? If it doesn''t matter, then wear it. If it does, then hold back. I would take satisfaction knowing that we are engaged, ring and all, and that we did it, even when we were told not to. I would then announce our engagement a couple of weeks later. Not in 2009, according to your mother''s wishes.
ams0124
Brilliant_Rock
- Joined
- Aug 6, 2008
- Messages
- 934
I agree with PerrfectPear on this...You may be right in your justification in wearing it, but in the end will it cause more harm then good...sounds like it. You''ll be wearing that ring everyday for the rest of your life, one day will not be that huge of a difference. I would suck it up not wear it, and then after the wedding talk to sis and mom, and let them know how disappointed you were with their reactions to your engagement...and for the sack of their happiness you conceded something that meant a lot to you, and they should respect that and turn the focus now to you, and planning your dream wedding as they did for her....Date: 8/26/2008 3:36:06 PM
Author: purrfectpear
She can. No one is agreeing with the crazy relatives. Some have commented that even though the crazies are wrong, it might be prudent to not wear the ring for that one day simply to improve future relations. If it''s some point of honor with you to be ''right'' then by all means wear it. I don''t think anyone here would say you were wrong. But.....sometimes you can know you are right, and still take the path of least resistance in the case of close family members. My concern would be that you would be risking the mom freaking out and ruining the day. Totally unnecessary and so easy to avoid. It''s one day.Date: 8/26/2008 2:57:28 PM
Author: cbs102
i disagree ! why can''t you wear this ring if you are engaged??? the ring is a symbol of that engagement! it is one that her FF spent a lot of hard earned money on. i think that your family has lost their ever lovin mind. seriously.Date: 8/26/2008 2:37:35 PM
Author: Amzizzle
Honestly,I think there the ones acting like spoiled brats....but wearing the ring and getting everyone angry isn''t the way to go about it either.I would share your feeling of disagreance,but not wear the ring to the wedding (I say wear it everywhere else though!). You should maybe think about asking them again a week or two after the wedding to,people forget really fast and it may not be nearly as big a deal then.Good luck!
And I like (love) the idea of telling sister not to get pregnant before you wedding!! Just for the sake of comparissons if nothing else.
DMBsGirl
Brilliant_Rock
- Joined
- Sep 29, 2006
- Messages
- 1,589
i think it is pretty unfortunate that your family feels this way. i can''t say that i wouldn''t be hurt by it. i don''t have a sister, but if i did i would be sooo happy that she was finally engaged. how can you steal a bride''s thunder?? an engagement doesn''t trump a wedding! she''ll be the one with the dress on and the party will be all about her and her fiance. it''s not like you''re going to show up dressed like a bride!
before i was engaged, so many people in our lives were so eagerly awaiting me getting engaged that a FRIEND of ours even said "oh i hope he proposes at my wedding!" A FRIEND said this, and while my fiance would never have done this it just shows that when someone really loves you they don''t just think of themselves and want to see you happy as well!
anyway, since your family already "warned" you, i guess i would hold off announcing any engagement, but I wouldn''t be happy about it. Get engaged when you want but hold off wearing the ring until the wedding is over, after the wedding i would totally let them know when you actually got engaged and how you WISHED you could have shared it with them when it happened
before i was engaged, so many people in our lives were so eagerly awaiting me getting engaged that a FRIEND of ours even said "oh i hope he proposes at my wedding!" A FRIEND said this, and while my fiance would never have done this it just shows that when someone really loves you they don''t just think of themselves and want to see you happy as well!
anyway, since your family already "warned" you, i guess i would hold off announcing any engagement, but I wouldn''t be happy about it. Get engaged when you want but hold off wearing the ring until the wedding is over, after the wedding i would totally let them know when you actually got engaged and how you WISHED you could have shared it with them when it happened
trillionaire
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Apr 18, 2008
- Messages
- 3,881
upon reflecting on this situation, I DO see how being engaged at the wedding could "steal her thunder" a bit... Once the vows are said, then the wedding is just a nice party, but the union is already becoming "old hat". I could see a lot of people fawning over you, asking if you had started planning your wedding, and asking about the engagement, etc. I was at my boyfriend's brother's wedding, and IF we had been engaged at the time, I think it would have been kind of a big deal (this could also be because we have been dating longer than the bride and groom, and the family knows me better than they knew the bride. Also, I am dating the oldest brother), but I think for extended family especially, an engagement would have made them really happy and excited. There are so few chances to share great family moments, you know? I also don't think they would be doting on you in front of the bride, which would be tacky.
With that being said, I would be completely honest with my family. I would tell them the truth, and be done with it. And if people ask you about it at the wedding, you can be gracious and say, "Thank you for asking, we got engaged in (insert month here). We really haven't even thought about it because we have just been so excited about [sister's] wedding. Everything has been just beautiful, hasn't it? Blah blah blah about sister." And I would wear my ring, unless your sister plans to come to your wedding sans rings.
The nerve of her being all married and stealing your not-quite-married-yet thunder!
But, I am also the type who wants to elope even after everyone has told me that they would be sad/hurt/pissed, etc, so take that as you will.
On the other hand, if they didn't want to know when I got engaged, I might be inclined to NEVER TELL THEM! I would just start wearing my ring, then elope one day, and if anyone asked, I would say, oh yeah, we got engaged a long time ago, but no one was interested in hearing about it.
With that being said, I would be completely honest with my family. I would tell them the truth, and be done with it. And if people ask you about it at the wedding, you can be gracious and say, "Thank you for asking, we got engaged in (insert month here). We really haven't even thought about it because we have just been so excited about [sister's] wedding. Everything has been just beautiful, hasn't it? Blah blah blah about sister." And I would wear my ring, unless your sister plans to come to your wedding sans rings.
But, I am also the type who wants to elope even after everyone has told me that they would be sad/hurt/pissed, etc, so take that as you will.
On the other hand, if they didn't want to know when I got engaged, I might be inclined to NEVER TELL THEM! I would just start wearing my ring, then elope one day, and if anyone asked, I would say, oh yeah, we got engaged a long time ago, but no one was interested in hearing about it.
FrekeChild
Super_Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Dec 14, 2007
- Messages
- 19,456
Don''t wear the ring. But instead, make sure that you have a tan line where the ring would be. A very prominent tan line.
But I''m the sort that would tell her to not get preggers for a year before AND the year after, and that she shouldn''t wear her rings to my wedding either.
They are being ridiculous. I would tell them now that you''re engaged and wear the ring on your right finger if they still made a huge fuss about it...
Actually, I probably would boycott the wedding completely, but I''m weird like that.
But I''m the sort that would tell her to not get preggers for a year before AND the year after, and that she shouldn''t wear her rings to my wedding either.
They are being ridiculous. I would tell them now that you''re engaged and wear the ring on your right finger if they still made a huge fuss about it...
Actually, I probably would boycott the wedding completely, but I''m weird like that.
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