Should I wear my ring??

[cbs102]

Date: 8/27/2008 2:52:11 PM
Author: FrekeChild
Don''t wear the ring. But instead, make sure that you have a tan line where the ring would be. A very prominent tan line.

But I''m the sort that would tell her to not get preggers for a year before AND the year after, and that she shouldn''t wear her rings to my wedding either.

They are being ridiculous. I would tell them now that you''re engaged and wear the ring on your right finger if they still made a huge fuss about it...

Actually, I probably would boycott the wedding completely, but I''m weird like that.

i don''t think that you are weird.. i think that you have respect for yourself and you realize that your life is just as important as your sister''s life. i am still appalled by this whole thing

 

[DiamondsforDee]

You know, your sister should probably call every unmarried male and female over the age of 18 attending her wedding and remind them that getting engagement before her wedding is not allowed. That was no one else will be foolish enough to get engaged and wear a ring and steal her thunder.

Honestly, you are being more than accommodating. Get engaged whenever you want and do not worry about your family. I would probably suck it up and not tell anyone until after the wedding but I would say when we actually got engaged. And if anyone asked why I waited so long to tell people we were asked not to announce anything until after sisters wedding. That places the "crazy" squarely where it belongs, while making you look like the good person you are for putting up with such garbage.

Good luck!

PS: Is it wrong that I''m happy your ring is bigger than your sisters and in short order you''ll be able to rub that in at all family events?

 

[IluvEmeralds]

Hi Ladies,

WOW...I feel so blessed for all the honest and supportive replies!! Thank you so much. I was in withdrawl yesterday that I couldn''t get on here b/c school was so nuts!! I''ve showed my FF/FI (I don''t know what to call him since we''re being so quiet/secretive!!) all of your replies and he was very happy to see that others thought the same as he did. He''s said from the beginning that he thought I should get to wear my ring whenever/whereever I want and be PROUD about it. I''m still on the fence....I guess I''ve just been yelled and screamed at so much over the past few weeks that I feel beaten up really. I honestly don''t want to hurt my sister for ANYTHING in the world, but at the same time I don''t think she realizes how much she''s hurting ME at the same time. I''ve waitied so long for the day when I get my ring...I don''t know whether or not I''m going to be able to NOT wear it. (It''s petty...I know...but it''s the truth). I want to TRY for my sister''s sake because I want to be the BETTER person so I can say later that I was the one who took the highroad. Make sense?

I just wish they could be happy for ME too!! It''s really true that sometimes weddings bring out the WORST in people. Such a shame that a HAPPY and loving time can''t be shared with the ENTIRE family.

Thank you again ladies, you''ve helped me sleep better in the past few days!! YOU ROCK!!

 

[IluvEmeralds]

Date: 8/27/2008 5:07:25 PM
Author: DiamondsforDee
You know, your sister should probably call every unmarried male and female over the age of 18 attending her wedding and remind them that getting engagement before her wedding is not allowed. That was no one else will be foolish enough to get engaged and wear a ring and steal her thunder.

Honestly, you are being more than accommodating. Get engaged whenever you want and do not worry about your family. I would probably suck it up and not tell anyone until after the wedding but I would say when we actually got engaged. And if anyone asked why I waited so long to tell people we were asked not to announce anything until after sisters wedding. That places the ''crazy'' squarely where it belongs, while making you look like the good person you are for putting up with such garbage.

Good luck!

PS: Is it wrong that I''m happy your ring is bigger than your sisters and in short order you''ll be able to rub that in at all family events?

Secretly I''m happy about this too! My sister was always one to brag that her FI had the most money and the best taste, and would therefore get her the BEST ring...BLAH BLAH BLAH!!!

 

[princesss]

Date: 8/27/2008 8:15:22 PM
Author: IluvEmeralds
Hi Ladies,


WOW...I feel so blessed for all the honest and supportive replies!! Thank you so much. I was in withdrawl yesterday that I couldn't get on here b/c school was so nuts!! I've showed my FF/FI (I don't know what to call him since we're being so quiet/secretive!!) all of your replies and he was very happy to see that others thought the same as he did. He's said from the beginning that he thought I should get to wear my ring whenever/whereever I want and be PROUD about it. I'm still on the fence....I guess I've just been yelled and screamed at so much over the past few weeks that I feel beaten up really. I honestly don't want to hurt my sister for ANYTHING in the world, but at the same time I don't think she realizes how much she's hurting ME at the same time. I've waitied so long for the day when I get my ring...I don't know whether or not I'm going to be able to NOT wear it. (It's petty...I know...but it's the truth). I want to TRY for my sister's sake because I want to be the BETTER person so I can say later that I was the one who took the highroad. Make sense?


I just wish they could be happy for ME too!! It's really true that sometimes weddings bring out the WORST in people. Such a shame that a HAPPY and loving time can't be shared with the ENTIRE family.


Thank you again ladies, you've helped me sleep better in the past few days!! YOU ROCK!!

As for the bolded part: that's not petty, honey. That's proud. Excited. Wanting to be the one to take the high road is a little...eh (ETA: Only if it's to show her up. If it's because you really want to do something to make your family happy, then that's fine). But being so excited you just don't want to take it off? Not petty.

 

[trillionaire]

wear the ring!

wear a white dress too!

Then get on the mic and announce your engagement during the toast

... explaining to all the guests that you had been forbidden from getting engaged by your whole family, and they yelled and berated you, treated you like a red-headed stepchild, kicked your puppy and didn''t want you to be able to share your love of your FI with the rest to the family. You should also cry a little, for effect.


.... then say "I''m pregnant!"

 

[FrekeChild]

Date: 8/27/2008 8:58:21 PM
Author: trillionaire
wear the ring!

wear a white dress too!

Then get on the mic and announce your engagement during the toast

... explaining to all the guests that you had been forbidden from getting engaged by your whole family, and they yelled and berated you, treated you like a red-headed stepchild, kicked your puppy and didn''t want you to be able to share your love of your FI with the rest to the family. You should also cry a little, for effect.

.... then say ''I''m pregnant!''

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

OMG, that is SO something I''d do.

 

[risingsun]

If you were my sister, I would be proud and pleased to announce your engagement at my wedding! Do what you feel is best, of course, but the concept of "stealing someone else''s thunder" seems just ludicrous to me.

 

[partgypsy]

I think your family is acting very strangely at a time they should be happy for you. The only thing I can think of is that they don''t approve of your relationship and are hoping to break it up or at least delay it. That''s really sad.

Personally what I would do is get engaged when your ring gets in in October and let you and your fiance''s immediate family members and friends know weeks prior to the wedding. If your family is still being so petty that they will not allow you to announce your engagement AFTER the FACT to the rest of the family at that point, simply wear your ring all the time EXCEPT to her wedding (and yes a tan line would be great!). Then after the wedding at the next family meeting or holiday let everyone know you are engaged and the date you have been engaged (actually since August). If anyone then asks the obvious question why you didn''t say anything before then, explain that it was out of request of your mother and sister that you not say anything till after the wedding. You have complied with the letter of your mother and sister''s (unreasonable) request but everyone else will then draw the conclusion who is the reasonable one is and who is being unreasonable/nutty.

Revenge is best served cold.

 

[Bliss]

I echo Miss Pear and DF on this one. It''s one day and I would not wear the e-ring on your left hand for that reason. BUT... I would still wear it, just on the right hand. Maybe you could turn it around so it looks like a plan band to everyone else? This way you could still wear it, and secretly peek at it now and then. That ring is a part of you and FI now. I wouldn''t be without it for special occasions such as this. To detract attention, I would wear it on my right hand and turned around. LOL. It would make my heart ache a little less than going ringless if I had to pretend I was not engaged. Plus, it''s a little disrespectful to FI, isn''t it? Gosh... This one is a toughie. I feel for you!

 

[Bliss]

Date: 8/27/2008 9:41:42 PM
Author: FrekeChild

Date: 8/27/2008 8:58:21 PM

Author: trillionaire

wear the ring!

wear a white dress too!

Then get on the mic and announce your engagement during the toast

... explaining to all the guests that you had been forbidden from getting engaged by your whole family, and they yelled and berated you, treated you like a red-headed stepchild, kicked your puppy and didn't want you to be able to share your love of your FI with the rest to the family. You should also cry a little, for effect.


.... then say 'I'm pregnant!'

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!


OMG, that is SO something I'd do.

THIS IS THE FUNNIEST THING I HAVE EVER READ!!!!!!!!!!! LOLOLOL.

The only thing keeping it from turning Jerry Springer would be turning after the pregnancy announcement...pointing at FBIL and screaming, "AND IT'S HIS!!!!"

Hugs to you... I hope our antics are keeping you laughing. And I wish you all the happiness in the world for your beautiful engagement!!!!

 

[fieryred33143]

I am still really bothered by having to not wear the ring or wear it as a RHR or even turning it around so that it appears as a plain band.

In the best 5 year old huffy voice I can muster: That''s not fair.

It isn''t one day. It''s what the request represents...a lifetime of always giving into the family to make them happy completely forgetting about what works for you and the person you are marrying. What''s going to happen when your sister is TTC and you are planning your wedding? Are they going to expect you to not plan it for the year that she''s trying? Not have the wedding in the year the baby is said to be born so that she has her year? And while we''re at it, don''t have the wedding until after the baby has turned a year old so that the baby can have his/her year.

Not wearing the ring that day means that they will be happy. No doubt. And you? Will you be happy? Will your fiance be happy? Who took a family vote and decided that everyone''s happiness means more than your own? And if you do decide not to wear it, don''t be surprised when the requests from them keeps getting more and more ridiculous.

I wish you the best. It''s not an easy decision to make.

P.S. I hope your FI doesn''t read this because I have to say that if I was him and you didn''t wear the ring, I would go around to each table and introduce myself as your FH and say that you didn''t wear the ring because your family told you not to

 

[cbs102]

Date: 8/28/2008 1:41:29 PM
Author: fieryred33143
I am still really bothered by having to not wear the ring or wear it as a RHR or even turning it around so that it appears as a plain band.

In the best 5 year old huffy voice I can muster: That''s not fair.

It isn''t one day. It''s what the request represents...a lifetime of always giving into the family to make them happy completely forgetting about what works for you and the person you are marrying. What''s going to happen when your sister is TTC and you are planning your wedding? Are they going to expect you to not plan it for the year that she''s trying? Not have the wedding in the year the baby is said to be born so that she has her year? And while we''re at it, don''t have the wedding until after the baby has turned a year old so that the baby can have his/her year.

Not wearing the ring that day means that they will be happy. No doubt. And you? Will you be happy? Will your fiance be happy? Who took a family vote and decided that everyone''s happiness means more than your own? And if you do decide not to wear it, don''t be surprised when the requests from them keeps getting more and more ridiculous.

I wish you the best. It''s not an easy decision to make.

P.S. I hope your FI doesn''t read this because I have to say that if I was him and you didn''t wear the ring, I would go around to each table and introduce myself as your FH and say that you didn''t wear the ring because your family told you not to

this is exactly how i feel on the topic. i really hope that you can keep that chin up, go to the wedding wearing the bigger, more beautiful engagement ring, on the arm of your amazing FIANCE and hold your ground. this is your life- LIVE IT.. according to you and no one else

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Wait...we get a whole YEAR to be exclusively engaged? WTF, I got jipped!

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Another thing, and I haven't read the entire chain, someone else may have mentioned this. If she get's pregnant in the year after her wedding...YOUR year according to your mother's definition. Does that mean that she's stealing YOUR thunder, or does the thunder get passed to her because she's the first to be pregnant with her first child/your parents grandchild?

There's just no winning in this situation.

You need to do what's best for you and no one else. You can be engaged at her wedding and handle yourself with class and tact (i.e., not showing pics of your ideas at the reception etc). But you do NOT in any way have to hide the good news. This a happy occasion and should be celebrated as such. Your mother AND your sister are two bratty peas in a pod.

And for the record, this is coming from someone whos "thunder" was stolen by her brother and now sister-in-law.

 

[IluvEmeralds]

Date: 8/28/2008 1:58:13 PM
Author: cbs102

Date: 8/28/2008 1:41:29 PM
Author: fieryred33143
I am still really bothered by having to not wear the ring or wear it as a RHR or even turning it around so that it appears as a plain band.

In the best 5 year old huffy voice I can muster: That''s not fair.

It isn''t one day. It''s what the request represents...a lifetime of always giving into the family to make them happy completely forgetting about what works for you and the person you are marrying. What''s going to happen when your sister is TTC and you are planning your wedding? Are they going to expect you to not plan it for the year that she''s trying? Not have the wedding in the year the baby is said to be born so that she has her year? And while we''re at it, don''t have the wedding until after the baby has turned a year old so that the baby can have his/her year.

Not wearing the ring that day means that they will be happy. No doubt. And you? Will you be happy? Will your fiance be happy? Who took a family vote and decided that everyone''s happiness means more than your own? And if you do decide not to wear it, don''t be surprised when the requests from them keeps getting more and more ridiculous.

I wish you the best. It''s not an easy decision to make.

P.S. I hope your FI doesn''t read this because I have to say that if I was him and you didn''t wear the ring, I would go around to each table and introduce myself as your FH and say that you didn''t wear the ring because your family told you not to

this is exactly how i feel on the topic. i really hope that you can keep that chin up, go to the wedding wearing the bigger, more beautiful engagement ring, on the arm of your amazing FIANCE and hold your ground. this is your life- LIVE IT.. according to you and no one else

CBS- it''s so funny that you mention the part about my FH because he is just DYING to tell my fam to take a flying leap off a very short pier

It''s been a very trying time to keep our mouths shut on this one,but like I said I want to be able to look back and say that I was the better person on this one. I keep coming back to the fact that I don''t think that if I asked my sister to do this for ME, she would think I was NUTS. I understand that it''s her wedding, but I have no intention of even TALKING about my engagement at her wedding, all I want to do is wear my ring. THAT''S IT!

I understand that my parents have issues with my FH but really, I''m a grown woman and they can just DEAL WITH IT!! After thinking on this for a few days, I''m really leaning towards just wearing my ring LOUD AND RPOUD!! (esp after seeing some CAD pics...OMG!! I''m soooooo excited!!)

But I know in my heart I''ll make that decision on that day. I just hope it doesn''t turn into a HUGE production.

Thank you ladies for the laughs and the smiles, keeep ''em coming...you have made my heart lighter in the past few days. THANK YOU!!

 

[IluvEmeralds]

Date: 8/27/2008 9:41:42 PM
Author: FrekeChild

Date: 8/27/2008 8:58:21 PM
Author: trillionaire
wear the ring!

wear a white dress too!

Then get on the mic and announce your engagement during the toast

... explaining to all the guests that you had been forbidden from getting engaged by your whole family, and they yelled and berated you, treated you like a red-headed stepchild, kicked your puppy and didn''t want you to be able to share your love of your FI with the rest to the family. You should also cry a little, for effect.

.... then say ''I''m pregnant!''

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

OMG, that is SO something I''d do.

Temptin....oh so tempting..with my CRAZY a*** family you have no idea how funny that would be!! I love it!!

 

[SparklyLibra]

Date: 8/26/2008 5:05:54 PM
Author: diamondfan
I think Ppear''s point is valid in terms of the dynamics here. I think they are being a tad jerky and selfish. However, that is the status quo, and sometimes, even when you are dead right, it only causes bigger issues to push the envelope. YOU know you are engaged. You know your family. If you think all will calm down and you can appear in your ring, engaged, do it. I think bowing down to them on a certain level sucks. But you also have to deal with them in the future, and sometimes even when one is right the price is high. I am the type who could get mad about it, and really want to wear it, but in the end I would likely cave in and NOT wear it as I am a bit of chicken where confrontation is concerned. (but it would piss me off greatly and I would likely grumble under my breath about it for a while !!!)

While I am PISSED

for you at having to deal with this at what should be one of the happiest moments in your life, I have to agree diamondfan on the highlighted points.

It''s CLEAR that you family is CONVINCED beyond all sense of reasoning & emotional intelligence that more than one of their children do not deserve to be happy at the same time... Which I find sad and heartbreaking... (Believe me, I can relate, I have some special family members too... IE, my own mother... that''s a whole nudder post tho)

...

Because your mother will not budge on her stance, even though you may be right, knowing you''ll have to deal with these people in the future and knowing that it''s futile to try to brow-beat her into accepting it, It may just be more sensible to wait. Just know within yourself that you did it for peace & sanity sake, not for them.

(If you tell them now, even tho you''re right, they will bleed you dry of the last shred of happiness that you and FI have over being engaged in the first place.... Keeping it hush hush before the guaranteed storm will keep sacred what should be before it gets funky with the fam. She did say no engagements for a year right??? Then it''s bound to be funky anywayz).

I would even go so far as telling them that much when you finally reveal just how long you''ve been engaged... If it were me I''d tell them, "um yeah, the only reason we didnt share our happy news with you at the time is becuz y''all obviously lacked the capacity to be happy for both your daughters at the same time" I promise, you"ll prolly hear a snail fart

. I''d leave ''em with that and let that one marinate for a bit, then follow with, "well now that ****''s wedding is over, I suppose there should be enuff happy left to go around for my engagement?"

But I''m jut facetious like that sometimes.....

 

[IluvEmeralds]

Date: 8/31/2008 7:07:12 PM
Author: SparklyLibra

Date: 8/26/2008 5:05:54 PM
Author: diamondfan
I think Ppear''s point is valid in terms of the dynamics here. I think they are being a tad jerky and selfish. However, that is the status quo, and sometimes, even when you are dead right, it only causes bigger issues to push the envelope. YOU know you are engaged. You know your family. If you think all will calm down and you can appear in your ring, engaged, do it. I think bowing down to them on a certain level sucks. But you also have to deal with them in the future, and sometimes even when one is right the price is high. I am the type who could get mad about it, and really want to wear it, but in the end I would likely cave in and NOT wear it as I am a bit of chicken where confrontation is concerned. (but it would piss me off greatly and I would likely grumble under my breath about it for a while !!!)

While I am PISSED

for you at having to deal with this at what should be one of the happiest moments in your life, I have to agree diamondfan on the highlighted points.

It''s CLEAR that you family is CONVINCED beyond all sense of reasoning & emotional intelligence that more than one of their children do not deserve to be happy at the same time... Which I find sad and heartbreaking... (Believe me, I can relate, I have some special family members too... IE, my own mother... that''s a whole nudder post tho)

...

Because your mother will not budge on her stance, even though you may be right, knowing you''ll have to deal with these people in the future and knowing that it''s futile to try to brow-beat her into accepting it, It may just be more sensible to wait. Just know within yourself that you did it for peace & sanity sake, not for them.

(If you tell them now, even tho you''re right, they will bleed you dry of the last shred of happiness that you and FI have over being engaged in the first place.... Keeping it hush hush before the guaranteed storm will keep sacred what should be before it gets funky with the fam. She did say no engagements for a year right??? Then it''s bound to be funky anywayz).

I would even go so far as telling them that much when you finally reveal just how long you''ve been engaged... If it were me I''d tell them, ''um yeah, the only reason we didnt share our happy news with you at the time is becuz y''all obviously lacked the capacity to be happy for both your daughters at the same time'' I promise, you''ll prolly hear a snail fart

. I''d leave ''em with that and let that one marinate for a bit, then follow with, ''well now that ****''s wedding is over, I suppose there should be enuff happy left to go around for my engagement?''

But I''m jut facetious like that sometimes.....

 

[IluvEmeralds]

Okay let me try this again...sorry ladies. Thank you SL for your honest insight. I''ve been thinking the same thing for a bit now. (To be honest I go back and forth depending on how mad and bitter they make me...but welll...that changes daily). But I appreciate your honesty and candor. I''ve been hoping to find the strength to be the bigger person on my sister''s wedding so that I''m able to NOT wear the ring and NOT be bitter about it at the same time. I really think it''s going to be a weekend decision between me and my FF. THANK GOD he''s my rock and he''s there for me through all this (and all my LIW''s!!! THANK YOU!!) otherwise I don''t know what I would do. I''m sure others have been through similar situations...what have you guys done? What do you do when your family hates your FF so much that they are willing to sacrifice your happiness and your relationship with them? Which way do you turn? Has anyone else dealt with this one?

 

[nclrgirl]

Date: 8/24/2008 7:11:44 PM
Author: IluvEmeralds

Date: 8/24/2008 7:04:49 PM
Author: trillionaire
you are nicer than me. I would elope and show up to the wedding with my wedding pictures!

Trillionaire-

Not a bad idea really...I like your style!

I never wanted a big wedding anyway...

Still I''m hurt about what to do with the fam...I''ve talked to the sis, and the parents...and still nothing...even when I said I wouldn''t wear it until AFTER her wedding (around them @ least!!) I just finished talking with my sis....and though she doesn''t know I am working on the ring (or my mom either)....she is def with my mom''s opinion of no ring for me..

***SIGH***! Sorry to be a pain ladies but you are a HUGE help to me right now!! Thank you from the bottom of my heart!!

ILE, your story hits close to home for me. I had a similar experience w/ FI''s brother''s FI, and they got engaged AFTER us!

People are ridiculous about weddings. Your mom and sister are definitely not being rational, fair, or kind.

 

[IluvEmeralds]

NG-

I''m sorry to hear that you had a similar experience. That''s horrible. How did you handle the situation if you don''t mind me asking? I think that'' s what I''m struggling with the most, is how to deal with how much HATE is going through my family right now. It''s not an emotion I deal with often for sure.

Thanks for sharing!

 

[nclrgirl]

ILE, well, I started by trying to explain to FSIL that us setting our wedding date (since we had been engaged for 3 months already then) was in no way us trying to steal her just-engaged "thunder". I offered to discuss it more with her, and reminded her that our FI''s are brothers and that family is more important than this. She responded to this discussion.....poorly.

So then I told her what I really thought. In kinder words, but pretty much that she was being a brat and that I thought that she was being rude. We are still mending.

I have always tried very hard to reach out to her, ESPECIALLY since then, but she doesn''t seem interested in having a relationship with me, and frankly, I still harbor some very hurt feelings over the whole situation.

I really hope you are able to come to a decision that works for you and your family. I agree with others that it seems that weddings bring out the worst in people. It''s really a shame. Just don''t let them forcing their drama on you take away the joy that you and your FI have. I let her take away some of my joy, and I wish I hadn''t...

 

[IluvEmeralds]

nclrgirl-

Wow, I''m so sorry to hear that you had to go through all that mess with your FSIL. That must have been a really hard time for you! You are so right about weddings...they really can be a messy time for some of us. Not everyone handles them with grace that is for SURE!! What you went through/are going through with your FSIL is what I''m afraid is going to happen between myself and my sister. I''ve already lost some ground with her over this, and I''m just afraid of losing more I guess. My mom is a lost cause right now. Unfortunately I''ve come to realize that I''m just going to have to wait until AFTER my sis gets married to repair fences with her.

I wish you well with your FSIL....hopefully she comes around soon!

Ladies, has anyone else had a similar problem? What to do when your family hates your FF? Any and all honest opinons are welcome. I''m getting down to the wire of my ring being ready (YEA!!) and we both agreed we wanted to at least have SOME idea of a decision. Your thoughts have been great and a lot of help. Keep ''em comin''!!

Thanks again nclrgirl!!

 

[Pandora II]

Is there a particular reason why your family hate your SO?

Mine HATED one of my ex''s - and had good reason to. Didn''t mean I didn''t stay 6 years and 364 days longer than I should have in that 7 year relationship.

For what it''s worth I think their behaviour is appalling.

My BIL was engaged in June 06 married in September 07
DH & I were engaged in December 06 and married in July 08
My brother was engaged in December 07 and gets married in May 09
My FIL''s wife''s daughter was engaged a week before our wedding.
My FBIL is proposing at Xmas.

FIL''s wife''s daughter told me about her engagement at the after-party for our wedding and I was furious with her... for not telling us before so DH could have announced it and given congratulations in his speech. She said she hadn''t said anything because she didn''t want to steal our thunder. WTF?

I was the one in the big white dress, most of the people there were my parents friends and all our relatives, there was no way she would have stolen anyone''s thunder, but it would have been nice to celebrate her happiness on a day that was after all a celebration of unions!

I saw your other thread about your sister''s invitation. You have been with your FI for 5 years and she addresses him as ''and guest''. That is just plain rude to say nothing of the tacky gift request...

I would elope and get married the same day.

 

[IluvEmeralds]

Hi Pandora,

Thanks for the response...wow it seems like a lot of happiness going on in your family lately!! Congrats!! As for why my family hates the FF/FI there really isn''t ONE concrete reason. He''s a wonderful person and he is the best thing to ever happen to me. However I get a bunch of random excuses that he''s too old....not stable...blah blah. I honestly just think that its a bunch of random BS to tell you the truth. The part that upsets me is just the CONSTANT flow of negative that comes from my family. It''s just so hurtful. I would just love for it TO STOP!! As for the elopping...that''s not a half bad idea really!!

Thanks for the support!!

 

[cbs102]

Date: 9/3/2008 7:45:17 PM
Author: IluvEmeralds
Hi Pandora,

Thanks for the response...wow it seems like a lot of happiness going on in your family lately!! Congrats!! As for why my family hates the FF/FI there really isn''t ONE concrete reason. He''s a wonderful person and he is the best thing to ever happen to me. However I get a bunch of random excuses that he''s too old....not stable...blah blah. I honestly just think that its a bunch of random BS to tell you the truth. The part that upsets me is just the CONSTANT flow of negative that comes from my family. It''s just so hurtful. I would just love for it TO STOP!! As for the elopping...that''s not a half bad idea really!!

Thanks for the support!!

I would say that your relationship is now stable... you are engaged! and i noticed in your other thread that you referred to him as FI and i was proud of you!! jeep doing that!!!

 

[Gwyn]

really late post....Ok I have not read any responses so any repetition of info or comments, please ignore.

IMO, Your "family" has a lot of nerve asking you to postpone your engagement. A perfect year, yea...no. She gets a day. I think it is completely out of line for them to ask you to put your life on hold. Now I dont know your ages but even if the two of you were very young I think its it still completely rude to ask that of you. I can understand them not wanting to help out too much in the planning right away since they will still be boggled with your sisters wedding and such but to tell you you cant even get engaged...im blown away!

I got engaged the April before my sisters wedding in July. This was not a big surprise since most of my family knew it would be happening before my sister even got engaged. I too struggled with the idea of wearing my new ering to her wedding. I live on the other side of the country and had not seen any friends or family since the engagement so I knew many of them would be asking to see the new ring. I brought the ring on the trip with me but decided not to wear the ring so that my own news wouldnt take away from my sister's day. My sister came over to me near the beginning of the day when the two of us and the other members of the bridal party were getting ready and grabbed my arm to show all her friends and the people around my new ring. When she saw it wasnt there she got all annoyed and demanded that I put it on. She said it was ridiculous for me not to be showing people, especially since now was one of the few times that everyone in our lives would be gathered and get to see it. She was so happy for me and loved my ering and saw no reason why i shouldnt be taking advantage of the fact that people were there to hear the engagement story etc. For that whole day, whenever she saw me with people, she made sure I showed them the ring.

IMO, thats how a family reacts to news that one of their own is getting married. They should be happy for you, not see it as some inconvenience.

Have you spoken with your sister at all about this? Is she the reason your family "laid down the law" or did they do that just in case so she wouldnt feel bad?

ETA I just read some responses from the first page. As you can guess I completely disagree with deco and thing you have every right to live your life how and when you want to. I dont think anyone has a right to make you put something on hold. Hell (not to be morbid) you could die in a car crash tomorrow. Granted at that point being engaged wouldnt matter too much since you would be dead but who knows... I know that it would mean something to me to be engaged and have it official (aka with ring) before I died. I know that is an extreme situation but I only use it to prove the point that time is precious and valuable and not to be wasted. Something this important shouldnt be put off.

OK so waiting one more month before putting on the ring really wont kill you. And you could do this one little thing to avoid conflict but, why should you? Its the principal of the matter. And if you are going to let these people control this aspect of your life, i honestly believe you are going to have trouble later on down the road when they want to control more and more of it.

I love guilty pleasures comment about your sister not being able to get pregnant before your wedding is over. Another great illustration of how utterly ridiculous it is to ask someone to put off something in their life because of something going on in yours that really doesnt affect them.

And that is my very long 2 cents...more like 6 or 7 cents...

 

[JSM]

I''ve been following this and I want to agree with everyone else. This is your timeline and your life, don''t put it on hold for anyone else. Wear your ring proudly.

I got engaged quite a while ago, and my engagement will be over 2 1/2 years due to financial reasons and the fact that I am still in grad school. My brother got engaged about a year ago, and they set their wedding date almost a year after my planned date. I was shocked and asked them why so long - they both graduated college together and have jobs - and they said they didn''t want to take away from my wedding. I was touched, but told them they could have their wedding whenever they wanted and NOT to base it on me! I was happy for them and they need to plan their own lives without worrying about mine.

I was half hoping they would get married first to take the pressure off of me, but that''s another story!

 

[IluvEmeralds]

Date: 9/4/2008 4:04:00 PM
Author: Gwyn
really late post....Ok I have not read any responses so any repetition of info or comments, please ignore.

IMO, Your ''family'' has a lot of nerve asking you to postpone your engagement. A perfect year, yea...no. She gets a day. I think it is completely out of line for them to ask you to put your life on hold. Now I dont know your ages but even if the two of you were very young I think its it still completely rude to ask that of you. I can understand them not wanting to help out too much in the planning right away since they will still be boggled with your sisters wedding and such but to tell you you cant even get engaged...im blown away!

I got engaged the April before my sisters wedding in July. This was not a big surprise since most of my family knew it would be happening before my sister even got engaged. I too struggled with the idea of wearing my new ering to her wedding. I live on the other side of the country and had not seen any friends or family since the engagement so I knew many of them would be asking to see the new ring. I brought the ring on the trip with me but decided not to wear the ring so that my own news wouldnt take away from my sister''s day. My sister came over to me near the beginning of the day when the two of us and the other members of the bridal party were getting ready and grabbed my arm to show all her friends and the people around my new ring. When she saw it wasnt there she got all annoyed and demanded that I put it on. She said it was ridiculous for me not to be showing people, especially since now was one of the few times that everyone in our lives would be gathered and get to see it. She was so happy for me and loved my ering and saw no reason why i shouldnt be taking advantage of the fact that people were there to hear the engagement story etc. For that whole day, whenever she saw me with people, she made sure I showed them the ring.

IMO, thats how a family reacts to news that one of their own is getting married. They should be happy for you, not see it as some inconvenience.

Have you spoken with your sister at all about this? Is she the reason your family ''laid down the law'' or did they do that just in case so she wouldnt feel bad?

ETA I just read some responses from the first page. As you can guess I completely disagree with deco and thing you have every right to live your life how and when you want to. I dont think anyone has a right to make you put something on hold. Hell (not to be morbid) you could die in a car crash tomorrow. Granted at that point being engaged wouldnt matter too much since you would be dead but who knows... I know that it would mean something to me to be engaged and have it official (aka with ring) before I died. I know that is an extreme situation but I only use it to prove the point that time is precious and valuable and not to be wasted. Something this important shouldnt be put off.

OK so waiting one more month before putting on the ring really wont kill you. And you could do this one little thing to avoid conflict but, why should you? Its the principal of the matter. And if you are going to let these people control this aspect of your life, i honestly believe you are going to have trouble later on down the road when they want to control more and more of it.

I love guilty pleasures comment about your sister not being able to get pregnant before your wedding is over. Another great illustration of how utterly ridiculous it is to ask someone to put off something in their life because of something going on in yours that really doesnt affect them.

And that is my very long 2 cents...more like 6 or 7 cents...

Hi Gwyn-

Thanks for the 6 or 7 cents!! I appreciate it. It''s nice for me to hear that I''m not nuts for feeling like I should be able to wear my ring proudly. AND not have to wait another month just for another person. At first I thought I was going to be able to wait...but the closer it comes the more my FF/FI and I agree that this is OUR LIVES and we should be able to talk about this happy time if we want to. I''m all about avoiding conflict...but I don''t see an opportunity to avoid it right now. I think either way they are going to be upset. Whether I tell them now or a year from now. Who knows. I''ve spoken to my sister and my mother both on several occaisons and they both refuse to budge in any way on this. I honestly believe my sis is just following what my mom says but who knows. (My mom has never been a fan of my FI/FF.....for really stupid reasons!!) Ahhh well....I shall keep y''all updated on what happens. We are getting closer to the ring getting done and D-day as well call it! We are at initial casting phases so it''s not far from nows (HOPEFULLY!!) I''m DYING

to tell people it''s been over a month now since we got engaged and you guys are the only people who know!! THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME TELL SOMEONE!!

SDL--- THANK YOU! I appreciate the support!! you are too kind!

Happy Saturday to everyone!!