Snowballing Weddings....

[Gypsy]

In another thread a while ago it was observed that when we start our planning we have an idea in our heads, but as the planning moves forward... we make compromised and decisions, small ones that start that snow ball rolliing until one day we look back and realize that the wedding we've planned doesn't resemble the original very much.

Our wedding is still going to be relaxed and semi formal but I had envisioned a small wedding (50 people) with the ceremony near the water somewhere and a nice brunch at a restuarant afterward.

So we've booked a winery (no where near a body of water, even an artificial one) and we're serving an early dinner! It cracks me up sometimes. But I'm happy with it. We still do our ceremony outdoors in a lovely area and we COULD do a brunch or lunch, but the menu prices are the same as we are the only wedding that day... so it's more convenient for us to do a late afternoon ceremony and an early dinner. It's still on a Sunday as well, which is nice. Oh, and the guest list is at 90!

So how has your wedding evolved?

 

[Haven]

We didn''t have a clear idea of what we wanted before we started planning, so our ideas have evolved as we''ve started doing research. We originally planned on inviting 150 people and trying to keep the cost to $20,000. Now we''re going to end up inviting a bit over 200 people, and we''ll probably spend closer to $35,000 on the wedding.

As far as the "feel" of the wedding, though, I think it''s remained the same. We wanted something elegant that included our family and friends, honored the traditions of our heritage, and most of all celebrated our marriage to each other and our wonderful family and friends. Above all, we want to have a lot of fun and relish the day, which I absolutely think is going to happen.

We also wanted to remain free from the drama that people normally associate with planning a wedding, and we''ve been successful thus far.

My FI proposed three months after a very close family member of mine passed away from cancer, so for my family especially, all of this celebrating and planning has become a source of happiness and joy in the face of sorrow. It''s been so wonderful to see the people we love so happy and excited for us just because we''re getting married--I feel so overwhelmed by their support.

Gosh, that came out far mushier than I expected. It''s probably because today is the birthday of my loved one who passed away in June, so I''m being particularly reflective, I suppose.

 

[mimzy]

I''m not sure if i should even bother posting because I''ve only been officially planning for about two months, but i definitely had some pretty solid ideas about what i thought the wedding would be like before i got the ring.

originally we were thinking of inviting 130ish guests and having it a beautiful, ornate masonic temple downtown. i had really wanted a downtown wedding, but we''ve moved it to the ''burbs to save some money since the guest list is at 200 and busting at the seams. the building we chose (ironically another masonic temple from the 1920s) is much less ornate, and more of a blank slate, which has sort of encouraged a little bit more of a cohesive color scheme/theme, which i hadn''t really been expecting to do. but i love it! I''m excited that it has taken on a little bit of a 20s theme (we are planning on playing ragtime during the cocktail hour, incorporating it into the stationary,etc) which i had always thought would be cool, but hadn''t expected to be able to do.

 

[zoebartlett]

This is kinda long...

The snowballing effect sounds familiar -- I wonder if I made such a comment. My wedding has turned out differently to some degree than I thought it would.

What we wanted:

A small wedding (our guest list was at 80)
A relaxed, fairly informal affair (catered brunch, no dancing)
A JP instead of a priest (we knew from the beginning that we wouldn't be getting married in the Church)
I didn't want a traditional wedding dress.
We didn't want to do a receiving line.
We didn't want to be the center of attention. We wanted more of a mingling, party atmosphere, if that makes sense.

What we're having:

A larger wedding (our guest list is at 155+ and we expect roughly 130 to attend, maybe -- it's hard to guess)
A more formal affair (sort of, see below)
I'm wearing a traditional wedding dress.
We're doing a receiving line.
We're still having a JP.
A more formal dinner rather than brunch
We're having dancing and we're going to do a father/daughter and mother/son dance (although we're combining them and doing one dance at the same time).
We will be the center of attention (not by choice -- you know, people watching you dance, kiss, etc.-- totally not meant to sound snobby AT ALL but that may have not come out right.)

So yeah, our wedding is definitely not what we had planned on at first. As I said earlier (in the thread that Gypsy mentioned above), I could have stood up more to my parents about certain elements I didn't want. My parents haven't been pushy at all, which has been great. They are, however, paying for the reception, and my mom really wanted so and so to be invited and "oh yeah, please add X to the list..." types of comments were made often. Suddenly, the guest list was out of control (to me anyway). We were talked out of a brunch reception because the coordinators felt that it would be too hard to keep brunch food hot enough, particularly eggs, while being served. They really didn't like the idea of a brunch and since we had already chosen the venue, I went along with their suggestion of having a regular plated dinner (somewhere around 12:30/1:00).

I kind of feel like I'm planning our wedding for someone else. I don't want to be the BRIDE. I want to be the bride. Follow me?

ETA: I forgot to mention, the venue matches us very well. We had considered a few different types of settings -- the mountains, my parents' backyard, the beach, and maybe a country club or two. In the end, we decided to go with a restaurant that is also a bird sanctuary. It's hidden away in a quiet residental area, not far from the beach and a touristy town, especially in the summer. It's a very pretty place, inside and out, but it's not ornate or lavish.

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 2/8/2008 9:03:24 PM
Author: ZoeBartlett

I kind of feel like I''m planning our wedding for someone else. I don''t want to be the BRIDE. I want to be the bride. Follow me?

ETA: I forgot to mention, the venue matches us very well. We had considered a few different types of settings -- the mountains, my parents'' backyard, the beach, and maybe a country club or two. In the end, we decided to go with a restaurant that is also a bird sanctuary. It''s hidden away in a quiet residental area, not far from the beach and a touristy town, especially in the summer. It''s a very pretty place, inside and out, but it''s not ornate or lavish.

I know exactly what you mean. I wanted no dancing except our first dance... then John started worrying about room for a dance floor at reception venues, and it occured to me to mention that it wasn''t that important IMO as there wouldn''t be too much dancing, and that if there was we''d need to ask someone to operate the Ipod system. That''s right about when he dropped the DJ bomb on me. And I started having nightmares about people tapping their spoons on glasses evey 15 minutes.


Your venue sounds really lovely! A bird Sanctuary! You are going to have some fabulous pics! One of the things I liked about Garre is that it felt less formal than Wente... more out in the country in a field of wildflowers instead of spanish mansion.

 

[zoebartlett]

Your venue sounds lovely as well, Gypsy! I''m sure you''ll have great photos! I''ve been to southern CA but I haven''t been north of Santa Barbara. I''ve always wanted to check out the northern part of the state -- it sounds fantastic. A winery wedding...it sounds very elegant.

Are you planning on posting pics afterwards? I''d like to but we''re Internet-shy. I can''t imagine many people would be interested in seeing a bunch of wedding pics that don''t include the bride and groom.

 

[Gypsy]

I''d love to see any pics of yours... even if they are of your hands holding each other honey or of a few birds. I don''t know yet if I''m posting pics, I think it depends on how they turn out! LOL!

 

[monarch64]

Our wedding ideas snowballed first from our idea of doing a tiny destination wedding into our parents talking us into a larger, guest-friendly wedding...and then we put our foot down and said, "ok, but we're in control from here." At that point, we got a budget from my father, found a venue, did all the rest of the planning stuff...and then my MIL threw a wrench into things with her own ideas on what would make our wedding "perfect." She wanted our 10 and 12 yr. old nieces to be jr. bridesmaids. Fine. Done. But then there was the problem of finding them dresses to match what my BM's and MOH had already chosen...so we had to have dresses made for them, which cost their parents $500 not including their shoes, underpinnings, and hair/makeup. Then my MIL and my mother got into a long distance discussion of whether we should offer wines at each table during the reception (MIL's idea, DH and I were anti), and whether we should have hors d'heuvres during the reception line...finally we had to stop her and tell her we had a budget and if she and my FIL weren't willing to pay for it, it wasn't going to happen. My sometimes "saint" of a mother was indeed a saint during the whole process, I knew she wanted to shove her foot down my MIL's throat over these issues but fortunately she kept her cool and so did we. Moral of my story: stick to your guns and don't let anyone tell you that your vision could be made better "if only" you conceded to certain additions.

ETA: Oh, and I do love my MIL...she just gets a bit carried away at times. Specifically for her only son's wedding, which apparently in her mind translated into "her" wedding. LOL!

 

[Selkie]

Ours turned out almost exactly how I''d pictured it, but I think that''s for several key reasons:

1)I had about four years to think about every aspect of it, and I "planned" it (location, guest list, and theme) all out before I started planning it.

2)It took us so long to get engaged (my choice) that both sets of parents were just happy that we were finally doing it, and pretty much let us do exactly what we wanted.

3)Our venue was set in stone (in our minds, anyway) almost from the day we started talking about getting married, and it placed a strict limit on the number of people we could invite. Luckily we both have small immediate families, and they made very few demands about who to invite.

4)I''m quiet, but I''m stubborn when I want things a certain way.

Things I didn''t care about, like favors, I let my mother choose and refused to stress about. And I knew I could trust her to keep things reasonable.

 

[bee*]

I''m only planning for four months however we have quite a few things booked at this stage so I think I can contribute! So far, nothing has snowballed. We always wanted to get married at Cabra Castle, we always knew that we would have roughly 150 people, I had set ideas on bouquests, photographers, videographers, cake etc and so far I have found vendors whose work I adore and they''re in our budget. FMIL, who can be quite difficult, has adored everything I''ve picked out and can''t believe how nice everything''s looking and my parents are so relaxed and don''t mind how things are done as they trust my opinion on how I want things. D and I have picked everything together so he''s happy too. I think it''s worked out as I was like Selkie in that I had kind of planned things before I planned things, if you know what I mean.