So I''ve stopped wearing my diamonds....

[NYCsparkle]

Most of the famous women in NYC are wearing fakes anyway. LOL My sister worked for a high end costume jewelry place in NYC and the Hamptons before opening up her own company in East Hampton and NYC. You wouldn''t beleive the socialites and celebs that pay big bucks for, as they call them, the great CZ stones. I see some of those celebs on tv and I laugh because I know their diamonds are fake.
i''m sure they have real ones too, but it feels good to know that not everything they buy is 100,000.
Wear your real jewels in NYC and wear them with pride.

They DESERVE to shine!

 

[ephemery1]

Ursula, I''m wondering if maybe some of the snide comments and looks you are getting are magnified in your own mind by the fact that YOU''RE not happy with your stone. If that''s the case, rather than stop wearing it altogether... is there a possibility for a reset or an upgrade?

I only mention this because it seems from your past posts that this is an issue that has bugged you for quite a while... not just the size of your stone in comparison to other New Yorkers, but the size of your stone as representative of your husband not respecting your love for diamonds! If you are still interested in a larger stone, I''m curious if you ever had the opportunity to talk to him about that? In some of your previous posts, it sounded as though you had some other projects going on (apartment renovation, etc) that might have made it tough... but maybe now would be a better time?

And surely he''s noticed that you''ve stopped wearing your ring.... has he made any comments about that?

 

[ursulawrite]

style="WIDTH: 99%; HEIGHT: 218px">Date: 10/10/2006 9:43:17 AM
Author: ephemery1
Ursula, I''m wondering if maybe some of the snide comments and looks you are getting are magnified in your own mind by the fact that YOU''RE not happy with your stone. If that''s the case, rather than stop wearing it altogether... is there a possibility for a reset or an upgrade?

I only mention this because it seems from your past posts that this is an issue that has bugged you for quite a while... not just the size of your stone in comparison to other New Yorkers, but the size of your stone as representative of your husband not respecting your love for diamonds! If you are still interested in a larger stone, I''m curious if you ever had the opportunity to talk to him about that? In some of your previous posts, it sounded as though you had some other projects going on (apartment renovation, etc) that might have made it tough... but maybe now would be a better time?

And surely he''s noticed that you''ve stopped wearing your ring.... has he made any comments about that?

You''re probably right -- to an extent. I started off LOVING my stone; I wore it for about six months with nothing but pride and joy. Then the comments started happening. At first I was baffled, then angry, then confused, and it''s got to the point now where someone has only to look at my ring and I feel a deep sense of shame, sadness and regret.

An upgrade is absolutely out of the question. The apartment renovations ran to six figures and my husband thinks a bigger diamond is a complete waste of time and a huge insult to the selection he made in the first place. So, I guess we''re stalemated.

The issue caused an argument last Saturday. He doesn''t care if I wear a plain band in the day but we went out to dinner somewhere fancy over the weekend and I didn''t wear my diamonds. I tried to explain how I enjoy the anonymity of a plain band, how I can neatly pass under the assessment radar, but he really doesn''t get it. He says it''s up to me what I choose to wear but he''s pretty angry about the whole debacle.

 

[february2003bride]

I think that''s crazy. Why let a few snide and unclassy remarks dictate what and what you don''t wear? And if your friends are jealous to the point that they are holding a grudge, then you need new friends. Wear your jewelry and as long as you aren''t blanatly showing it off and being crass about it, why NOT wear them??

 

[phoenixgirl]

someone has only to look at my ring and I feel a deep sense of shame, sadness and regret.

I looked back at some of your old posts too. I''m sorry that you feel so sad. I had a debacle with wanting a diamond band to replace my wedding band, so I understand the frustration. My husband felt that I was capriciously rejecting the ring that we had been married with, whereas I just thought it wasn''t practical at the time of our wedding to spend even more money. I just thought of it as something that would make me happy. It turned out to be a huge issue. So I do understand. It wasn''t until I explained that diamonds were my "hobby" that DH seemed to get it.

But I guess the question is, why such intense feelings concerning your current ring? I see that your ring is a 1.3 carat E VVS1; this is by no means a common or inexpensive diamond. Also, your ring size is quite small, so the diamond looks even bigger on your finger.

You also mentioned earlier that you would be getting an upgrade in 7 or so years (for your 10 year anniversary?). So I take to mean that your husband is amenable to an upgrade, just not now? Maybe you could suggest that you get it for your fifth instead? What if you agreed to go down a bit on color and clarity to keep costs lower? Maybe G/VS2? It may be that the women you see eyeing your ring have stones of lower color and clarity but spent about the same amount.

How do you think you will feel if you do get your dream ring? What size is "big enough" to satisfy your bling craving? I guess two things could be going on -- one, you just love diamonds and will be happy when you finally get your dream diamond, or two, your "deep sense of shame, sadness, and regret" may stem from other issues concerning how you feel about your life, so a new diamond would just distract you from them for a bit.

Your rings really are quite lovely, and you have such nice, petite hands. It may very well be that the side-long glances you see are people noticing your rings because they are so beautiful. Also, you mentioned 2 carat stud earrings . . . have you still felt like wearing them, or are you off of diamonds altogether? Do you think you''re trying to get your husband''s attention by not wearing the engagement ring, sort of to say, "Fine, if you won''t get me the ring I want, then I won''t wear the one you did get me"? I don''t know, a lot of things could be going on here. I wish you the best of luck as you sort through everything.

 

[sevens one]

I hope this doesn''t come off wrong Ursulawrite,
God knows I''m the last person to be giving any sort of advice

But

I first went back and saw your ering- which is stunning and a classic. It looks huge on your small finger
and the eternity band is lovely too.

But

again I went back and noticed that last year this time you were having problems with your ering also.
Something about jealousy over they "newly engaged" with their 2 plus carats....

I think I sense disappointment in your ering. Were you hoping for something bigger when you got engaged?
I find it sad that you seem embarassed by the size of your diamond. It''s very pretty.
Maybe you should lay it out for dh- what''s really bothering you.

 

[february2003bride]

Date: 10/10/2006 9:59:07 AM
Author: ursulawrite

style="WIDTH: 99%; HEIGHT: 218px">Date: 10/10/2006 9:43:17 AM
Author: ephemery1
Ursula, I''m wondering if maybe some of the snide comments and looks you are getting are magnified in your own mind by the fact that YOU''RE not happy with your stone. If that''s the case, rather than stop wearing it altogether... is there a possibility for a reset or an upgrade?

I only mention this because it seems from your past posts that this is an issue that has bugged you for quite a while... not just the size of your stone in comparison to other New Yorkers, but the size of your stone as representative of your husband not respecting your love for diamonds! If you are still interested in a larger stone, I''m curious if you ever had the opportunity to talk to him about that? In some of your previous posts, it sounded as though you had some other projects going on (apartment renovation, etc) that might have made it tough... but maybe now would be a better time?

And surely he''s noticed that you''ve stopped wearing your ring.... has he made any comments about that?

"...my husband thinks a bigger diamond is a complete waste of time and a huge insult to the selection he made in the first place."

Ok, that I DO get. My e-ring was damaged and I''m replacing it this month. Since joining PS I always look and admire other rings and thought about changing mine, but I loved loved loved my cathedral setting and never went through with it. Anyway, DH wants me to get the exact same setting and I don''t. I can''t replace the sentimental value even with an exact copy so I''m while I''ll probably get something similar, it won''t be exact. But he was insulted because when I said I wasn''t getting the same setting, he took that as the old one wasn''t good enough, which isn''t true! Heck, I picked OUT that ring, so it dam sure was good enough. But it was an insult to DH''s ego which I never meant to happen.

I still think you should wear your rings. How do you know that the rude clerks just didn''t have that attitude with everyone?

 

[february2003bride]

Ok Ursula, that ring is stunning!! WHY wouldn''t you wear that??

 

[mrssalvo]

Date: 10/10/2006 9:59:07 AM
Author: ursulawrite

style="WIDTH: 99%; HEIGHT: 218px">Date: 10/10/2006 9:43:17 AM


An upgrade is absolutely out of the question. The apartment renovations ran to six figures and my husband thinks a bigger diamond is a complete waste of time and a huge insult to the selection he made in the first place. So, I guess we're stalemated.


The issue caused an argument last Saturday. He doesn't care if I wear a plain band in the day but we went out to dinner somewhere fancy over the weekend and I didn't wear my diamonds. I tried to explain how I enjoy the anonymity of a plain band, how I can neatly pass under the assessment radar, but he really doesn't get it. He says it's up to me what I choose to wear but he's pretty angry about the whole debacle.

here's where I see the real issue. it's with your hubby and not "others" so much. Do you really enjoy the anonymity of the plain bands or were you just making a point, since he won't let you get a bigger diamond that you can afford or recognize it's importance to you, you'll just go diamondless? You do have a beautiful diamond and it's a very nice size but I can totally understand as most of us here on PS can your desire to have a bigger diamond. Instead of being angry with New yorkers why not decide what you really want and start getting the wheels turning on how to make that happen for yourself.

If the store employees are ignoring you b/c of the size of you ring, and that is the real issue for you, can you just not shop elsewhere?

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 10/10/2006 8:45:50 AM
Author: AmandaPanda

Date: 10/10/2006 3:32:37 AM
Author: codex57
Doesn''t living in NYC condition you to dealing with mean people? Just assuming based on what the media portrays.

That''s just a silly comment.

Like saying all the people in California are dumb surfer dudes or all the people in the south are redneck hicks.

Sorry to digress...

I got a lot of blonde beach bimbo attitude and I do say like and dude a lot even though I haven''t lived there in 11 years LOL I''ve lived in the south and I''ve lived in new york and those stereotypes are all bunk. I found the people in NYC to be VERY nice. Giving up their seats to me on the subway when I was heavily pregnant etc.

Living on EARTH should (unfortunately) condition you to dealing with mean people.

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 10/10/2006 9:59:07 AM
Author: ursulawrite

You''re probably right -- to an extent. I started off LOVING my stone; I wore it for about six months with nothing but pride and joy. Then the comments started happening. At first I was baffled, then angry, then confused, and it''s got to the point now where someone has only to look at my ring and I feel a deep sense of shame, sadness and regret.

An upgrade is absolutely out of the question. The apartment renovations ran to six figures and my husband thinks a bigger diamond is a complete waste of time and a huge insult to the selection he made in the first place. So, I guess we''re stalemated.

The issue caused an argument last Saturday. He doesn''t care if I wear a plain band in the day but we went out to dinner somewhere fancy over the weekend and I didn''t wear my diamonds. I tried to explain how I enjoy the anonymity of a plain band, how I can neatly pass under the assessment radar, but he really doesn''t get it. He says it''s up to me what I choose to wear but he''s pretty angry about the whole debacle.

Well.. this might sound harsh and I apologize for that -not my intent... but perhaps it is time to wear it as the SYMBOL it is intended to be and not the fashion accessory that may or may not pass the eyes of the trend police without scorn - yourself included. I have NO clue what makes you feel "a deep sense of shame, sadness and regret" but goodness, that is NO WAY to feel about your ring! It isn''t the size that matters, it''s the motion of the ocean. Okay well size matters a little sometimes but you''ve got enough, really, to work with ;D hehehe What needs an "upgrade" is your own perception of it.

 

[sevens one]

Date: 10/10/2006 10:49:06 AM
Author: Cehrabehra

Date: 10/10/2006 9:59:07 AM
Author: ursulawrite

You''re probably right -- to an extent. I started off LOVING my stone; I wore it for about six months with nothing but pride and joy. Then the comments started happening. At first I was baffled, then angry, then confused, and it''s got to the point now where someone has only to look at my ring and I feel a deep sense of shame, sadness and regret.

An upgrade is absolutely out of the question. The apartment renovations ran to six figures and my husband thinks a bigger diamond is a complete waste of time and a huge insult to the selection he made in the first place. So, I guess we''re stalemated.

The issue caused an argument last Saturday. He doesn''t care if I wear a plain band in the day but we went out to dinner somewhere fancy over the weekend and I didn''t wear my diamonds. I tried to explain how I enjoy the anonymity of a plain band, how I can neatly pass under the assessment radar, but he really doesn''t get it. He says it''s up to me what I choose to wear but he''s pretty angry about the whole debacle.

Well.. this might sound harsh and I apologize for that -not my intent... but perhaps it is time to wear it as the SYMBOL it is intended to be and not the fashion accessory that may or may not pass the eyes of the trend police without scorn - yourself included. I have NO clue what makes you feel ''a deep sense of shame, sadness and regret'' but goodness, that is NO WAY to feel about your ring! It isn''t the size that matters, it''s the motion of the ocean. Okay well size matters a little sometimes but you''ve got enough, really, to work with ;D hehehe What needs an ''upgrade'' is your own perception of it.

tough love

(that''s why I love it here)

 

[bling*diva*]

~~I just looked at your e-ring thread, and I have to say that your rings are beautiful!!! I love your set, and it''s not small by my standards!! I also noticed that you have a diamond wedding band that''s 2.6 carats!!! Are you wearing your diamond band at all?? I think that if you are uncomfortable wearing your e-ring, then your diamond band would be a great alternative to wearing no diamonds...that way you get the simplicity of a plain band, and you still get some sparkle!! I honestly think that you shouldn''t worry about what other people think or say about your e-ring. It was given as a symbol of love, and that''s not measured by carat weight!!

 

[Mandarine]

I''m sorry I''m going to have to disagree with everyone here.

I can completely see why you don''t want to wear your diamonds....so I suggest you just send them to me

. You have my dream ring!

Seriously now....this is meant to be a symbol!!!! when did it just become an accessory?. I know many people (specially here on PS) LOVE their diamonds...but I think it''s important to remember what they mean in the first place. I just get a little annoyed by how much importance has been put on the actual ring...and it shouldn''t be about what other people think......let them think whatever they want!...it''s about what you think and feel. Now, if you have a problem with your stone then that is what you feel...it has nothing to do with other people or what comments they make. You shouldn''t let other people have so much influence on you.

M~

 

[firebirdgold]

I''m totally baffled by people making snide comments about your ring, particularly men! I didn''t even realize they notice that kind of thing. Maybe things are different in NYC, but most multi-millionaires I know don''t actually wear big bling. Well, other than the texans who just do everything big.

I don''t know what to say about the nasty comments coming from your acquaintances other than that it has more to do with them than you. If it''s coming from men who are friends of your husband, you can bet it has more to do with their rivalry with him than you.

But I can tell you that how salespeople treat you has nothing to do with your bling. It''s all about attitude. I can walk into any store on Rodeo wearing stuff from the gap and jjill with my coach purse and I''ll still get perfectly polite and rapid attention. Ok, I''m naturally arrogant but it''s all about being sure within yourself that you''re just as good as anyone else no matter what. Basically if you expect great service, you''ll get it.

Admittedly when I worked at a high-end jewelry store we did judge customers by their appearance, only it wasn''t by their bling but by their watches. But anyone with a couple of shopping bags trumped a diamond encrusted solid gold rolex anyday. Salespeople want your money, all they''re doing is judging how easy it''ll be to get you to part with it, not how fashionable you are or how much your husband loves you or whatever. Insecure and self-conscious people are simply a harder and less likely sale.

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 10/10/2006 11:31:43 AM
Author: IndieJones
I''m totally baffled by people making snide comments about your ring, particularly men! I didn''t even realize they notice that kind of thing. Maybe things are different in NYC, but most multi-millionaires I know don''t actually wear big bling. Well, other than the texans who just do everything big.

Moment of comic relief here... hehehe... my best friend L''s mom is very wealthy and is constantly dripping in (real!) jewels like she''s going to a ball - no joke! but her clothes look like she got them at k-mart clearance rack! She''s the most eccentric old bird and L and I laugh and joke about it all the time... I''ve known them for over 20 years so I guess I have clearance to tease about her mom LOL She visited me recently and had gold and diamonds and opals and rubies on at least 2-3 fingers per hand, some stacked, and earrings and necklace and bracelet and watch and I STG those beige ortopedic looking shoes and white capris and a bright turquoise blouse and her hair in a pony tail bobby pinned to her head. And not in a good way

 

[upgrading mama]

Date: 10/9/2006 11:00:10 PM
Author: *~Sweetpea~*
Maybe you should switch the ring to your middle finger and when they give you a hard time, offer them a closer look.

lol that''s great!!!!!



I am so sorry that the people in NYC are so shallow. If it really bothers you, only you will know what best makes you comfortable.

I live in a small country town in souther Ontario, Canada, but I am from upstate NY. I have a 1.5 ct Radiant cut and this is by far the biggest diamond (and most here have rounds). I do feel a bit wierd sometimes, like at church, bc most there don''t wear any diamond, or they are very small. No one has ever said anything though.


I think if you really are feeling like you are being judged and ignored than they are ignorant fools. If it were me, I would were your ring anyways. Heck, i''ll wear it if you mail it to me!

Or, how about a great sapphire or something like that? Then you can keep your diamoond, and get a gorgeous colored stone too??

 

[ephemery1]

Date: 10/10/2006 11:31:43 AM
Author: IndieJones

But I can tell you that how salespeople treat you has nothing to do with your bling. It''s all about attitude. I can walk into any store on Rodeo wearing stuff from the gap and jjill with my coach purse and I''ll still get perfectly polite and rapid attention. Ok, I''m naturally arrogant but it''s all about being sure within yourself that you''re just as good as anyone else no matter what. Basically if you expect great service, you''ll get it.

Indie you are too funny...

But I do agree that sometimes it''s all about the attitude.

Ursula, I''m sorry that this has been eating you up for so long... whether or not the snide comments are real or partially magnified by your own dissatisfaction, it''s NOT fun feeling that way. Especially not for two solid years of otherwise happy ring-wearing!! I would speculate this is about more than just stone size though... it seems that part of your unhappiness comes from your husband not understanding your concern. At the same time, it might be helpful to ask yourself if you are unhappy with your ring because 1) you genuinely love fun bling and would prefer something bigger... or 2) you feel a need to measure up to other people?

If the answer is #1, that''s something you''re going to have to discuss with your husband. And if you truly can''t afford an upgrade, well then so be it... we can''t afford my 3-carat rock right now either.

But at least let him know that is something that''s important to you! And if the answer is #2, you may want to think about WHY you feel that need. Is it about being somebody from a different culture trying to fit in with a very high-pressure NYC society? Or is it because you''ve spending time with the wrong kind of people?? I mean honestly, if these are your FRIENDS making those comments... well they don''t sound very friend-like to me. And if it is just salespeople/strangers, then who cares? They don''t even know you... so why would you attach any value to their perceptions of you?

Just trying to understand further... I think your discomfort is very real... it''s just a matter of figuring out how to resolve that in a way that works for both you AND your husband AND your gorgeous ring!

 

[ursulawrite]

Date: 10/10/2006 11:31:43 AM
Author: IndieJones
I''m totally baffled by people making snide comments about your ring, particularly men! I didn''t even realize they notice that kind of thing. Maybe things are different in NYC, but most multi-millionaires I know don''t actually wear big bling. Well, other than the texans who just do everything big.

I don''t know what to say about the nasty comments coming from your acquaintances other than that it has more to do with them than you. If it''s coming from men who are friends of your husband, you can bet it has more to do with their rivalry with him than you.

But I can tell you that how salespeople treat you has nothing to do with your bling. It''s all about attitude. I can walk into any store on Rodeo wearing stuff from the gap and jjill with my coach purse and I''ll still get perfectly polite and rapid attention. Ok, I''m naturally arrogant but it''s all about being sure within yourself that you''re just as good as anyone else no matter what. Basically if you expect great service, you''ll get it.

Admittedly when I worked at a high-end jewelry store we did judge customers by their appearance, only it wasn''t by their bling but by their watches. But anyone with a couple of shopping bags trumped a diamond encrusted solid gold rolex anyday. Salespeople want your money, all they''re doing is judging how easy it''ll be to get you to part with it, not how fashionable you are or how much your husband loves you or whatever. Insecure and self-conscious people are simply a harder and less likely sale.

Well, I would say that I''m confident but unreservedly polite (I''m British, after all), so I don''t know if that has anything to do with it.

As for men, I was completely baffled, too, that they would even notice rings, let alone comment. The biggest jerk-off comment of them all was:

"Wow, put your hand down, you''re blinding me with your bling."
(At which point I giggled and smiled.)
Which was followed by, "It''s nice. But actually, my wife''s ring cost $40k."
(At which point my mouth dropped to the floor.)

With women, even the nicer ones have used the words "cute" and "sweet" to describe my ring, and call my oversensitive, but they''re pretty poor choices of adjectives, even if they come with no malice.

I have the most wonderful friends in the world and they have not passed comment either way; most couldn''t give a flaming hoot about diamonds. It''s the people on the fringes, and yes, I have a terrible tendency to take to heart what strangers/inconsequential acquaintances say.

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 10/10/2006 11:59:23 AM
Author: ursulawrite

Date: 10/10/2006 11:31:43 AM
Author: IndieJones
I''m totally baffled by people making snide comments about your ring, particularly men! I didn''t even realize they notice that kind of thing. Maybe things are different in NYC, but most multi-millionaires I know don''t actually wear big bling. Well, other than the texans who just do everything big.

I don''t know what to say about the nasty comments coming from your acquaintances other than that it has more to do with them than you. If it''s coming from men who are friends of your husband, you can bet it has more to do with their rivalry with him than you.

But I can tell you that how salespeople treat you has nothing to do with your bling. It''s all about attitude. I can walk into any store on Rodeo wearing stuff from the gap and jjill with my coach purse and I''ll still get perfectly polite and rapid attention. Ok, I''m naturally arrogant but it''s all about being sure within yourself that you''re just as good as anyone else no matter what. Basically if you expect great service, you''ll get it.

Admittedly when I worked at a high-end jewelry store we did judge customers by their appearance, only it wasn''t by their bling but by their watches. But anyone with a couple of shopping bags trumped a diamond encrusted solid gold rolex anyday. Salespeople want your money, all they''re doing is judging how easy it''ll be to get you to part with it, not how fashionable you are or how much your husband loves you or whatever. Insecure and self-conscious people are simply a harder and less likely sale.

Well, I would say that I''m confident but unreservedly polite (I''m British, after all), so I don''t know if that has anything to do with it.

As for men, I was completely baffled, too, that they would even notice rings, let alone comment. The biggest jerk-off comment of them all was:

''Wow, put your hand down, you''re blinding me with your bling.''
(At which point I giggled and smiled.)
Which was followed by, ''It''s nice. But actually, my wife''s ring cost $40k.''
(At which point my mouth dropped to the floor.)

With women, even the nicer ones have used the words ''cute'' and ''sweet'' to describe my ring, and call my oversensitive, but they''re pretty poor choices of adjectives, even if they come with no malice.

I have the most wonderful friends in the world and they have not passed comment either way; most couldn''t give a flaming hoot about diamonds. It''s the people on the fringes, and yes, I have a terrible tendency to take to heart what strangers/inconsequential acquaintances say.

I feel hurt by strangers sometimes but I think I''m too stubborn for it to affect my actions or behavior. What the guy above said to you was such an obvious testimony to his own insecurity - a nice comment about "oh you had to compensate for your own *personal* size?" hehe would have been stooping but fun to fantasize about in retrospect ;D


Maybe a compromise? no new diamond, but a new setting?

 

[Mara]

gosh cehra i have lived in CA all my life and i have never known anyone who says 'dude'...i think of that as such a southern california thing. haha.

anyway...ursula i won't give you a lecture on how the rings are so symbolic of whatever because i personally don't have much symbolism in my rings other than 'they show that i am married'...at this point the stone is far from being remotely what my husband picked out so sentimentalism is only left in the settings themselves and that waxes and wanes depending on my mood. i'm just really not a sentimental person. i also know that once you are dissatisfied with something, it's very hard to 'talk yourself' into pretending you are not or similar. because it really is about what you think inside, not what anyone else thinks. and it seems like your unhappiness with your rings is the underlying issue here.

anyway...it is unfortunate that your dissatisfaction with your rings has translated into being super sensitive about what others think about it. can you get a really good CZ to wear out to shops and stuff? or what about a nice blingy diamond band like from SP or something? i have seen women who have a ton of $$ just wear something like a 2-3ctw diamond band and to me that just screams class and an attitude like 'i have SO MUCH MONEY that i don't need a big solitaire or care what anyone else thinks'. bands like that are about $3k so not too high priced seemingly. though i also think that much of how other people *perceive* you has to do with attitude as well. self-confidence regardless of one is wearing or not wearing goes a long way with others IMO.

tough call though about how to handle this with hubby. i know if i go out with just my w-ring on, like i do some saturdays for my workout, or similar, if greg sees me, he asks where my e-ring is. this always makes me laugh because i hardly go without it but he is like a hawk eye and notices when i don't have it on. i know that if i decided to just wear my w-ring and not my e-ring he'd have a fit because really of all the $$ spent on it. in his mind if i am not truly enjoying what i wanted so badly, he would be upset because we could have done something else with that $$. so i will probably never not wear my e-ring and save my marriage some arguments. can you wear your ring around hubby?

anyway...i know that giving or hearing advice about this may or may not help because it's really something you have to work out for yourself. but good luck!! your ring IS really lovely and i hope you can find some peace with it or find a way to get around it and get some additional ring satisfaction in the form of another purchase.

ETA i just noticed someone else saying you have a diamond band of 2.6ctw...why not just wear that then?!

 

[jfo]

Ursula,
I just read through this whole thread and I am so sorry that you are feeling this way. I am not sure I have much to add that hasn''t already been said, but I just wanted to say that you should wear what you feel comfortable with... However, you certainly should NOT feel influenced by looks and/or comments from strangers and acquaintances around you. It absolutely blows my mind that there are people out there who care that much about a wedding set that you are wearing. It''s ridiculous and insulting--like people before me said, it is a symbol of your love and marriage with your husband, plain and simple.

All that matters is what *you* think of it. That said, if there is some underlying issue between your husband and you about the rings that he gave you, then that should be addressed. You two need to talk about it.
By the way, I saw a picture of your ring and it is GORGEOUS!
*hugs*

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 10/10/2006 12:20:48 PM
Author: Mara
gosh cehra i have lived in CA all my life and i have never known anyone who says ''dude''...i think of that as such a southern california thing. haha.

There''s not that many years between us but maybe it made the difference? I went to high school in san jose (class of 8 and we''d cut school and go to santa cruz and surrounding beaches and watch the surfers... oh I loved the surfer boys so I married one! (he no longer bears any resemblance! lol) so I got my license in 86 so I guess it was then, and it just stuck... I don''t think I said it more than anyone else back then but I didn''t lose it when everyone else did, though it did fade some and now I''ve totally reverted... I got drunk in january at a weekend away with friends and they teased me that when I''m drunk every other word is DUDE! DUDE!! and now I''ve got all of them saying it - even the one from Ohio who swore she''d never go there ROFL!!!!

 

[Cehrabehra]

another idea... what about a RHR? in your last thread you said an upgrade has been ruled out because of *his* sentimentality... how about you let ''him'' keep his e-ring and you create a woman-power "I love myself" ring for your other hand? Maybe you can''t do it right now... but if you start making a plan on that front it won''t at all be like you''re taking his ring away.

 

[phoenixgirl]

You said in an earlier post that your husband spent $5000 on your e-ring? Or at least you said that he told you that was all he was comfortable spending. Is it possible that he didn''t want you to know the exact amount? I can''t imagine a GIA certified 1.32 E VVS1 diamond cost that little four years ago.

 

[dolphingirl22]

I know how you feel about the comments. When I was getting engaged we just bought a house and didn''t have a lot of money for a ring. I picked the ring myself and it was $695 from Ben Bridge (a mall jewler). The center stone was a whopping .17 carats. I was so happy to be engaged that I didn''t care about the size of my diamond. Then I would show it to my friends and family and get "oh...thats nice" and the look as if they felt sorry for me. It really did hurt, and I began to hate my ring. We went to Tahiti on our honeymoon and it seemed that all the newlyweds there had at lease a 1ct on their finger. I waited two years to finally bring it up to my husband that I wanted an upgrade. He agreed and now I am perfectly happy with my .70ct diamond. I know that it still small for most people, but I love it and thats all that matters.

Don''t be ashamed to wear your ring, its beautiful. Most people would die to have a 1ct diamond. You can''t live your life worrying about what others think. They may have the 4ct rock, but they could be really unhappy.


-Kristine

 

[swingirl]

It sounds like the real problem is you think your husband should have spent more on your ering in the first place and that you never really were satisfied with your stone size. I don’t think it’s so much about other people’s comments but really about your dissatisfaction with your husband’s unwillingness to scrimp and save and get you something appropriate to his income...and love for you.

You are not the first to be disappointed with your husband’s ring choice/budget although most dislike the setting more than the stone size.

I think you need to have a serious discussion with your hubby about how you would love your current stone to be worn as a pendant or something because it is so sentimental, but on your finger you want something that represents your income and social status. Then figure out a way YOU can cut back on spending to allow for the budget you think you’d be satisfied with. Set up a time frame to save and do without. If it’s more important to have a blingy ring than other expensive stuff, you should be able to make that choice. It is your finger, your jewelry, and your ears that have to hear the comments.

Good luck. It’s a touchy subject for men and they don’t have to wear a ring picked out by someone else. If all your husband’s friends drove black Ferraris and your husband drove a power blue Honda Civic (gift from the wife) he might get it.

Still I think your rings are beautiful and should be worn, at least when you are with your husband. It''s a respect thing.

 

[lisaC]

Ursula I think you need to be honest with yourself. You''re really disappointed that your husband only got you a 1.3 while he is perfectly happy spending on the fabulous lifestyle you enjoy. You are angry that your husband, though he can afford it, does not want to get you the rock of your dreams. You have to find a way to talk to your husband about how unhappy you are or it is going to cause more problems in the long run. Perhaps instead of saying upgrade you need to say right hand ring- enormous right hand ring.
Else this is an issue you may need to get to grips with with a counsellor. Why you cannot enjoy your ring for what it is and why you allow others to colour your perception of it...
Women on this forum are trying to be supportive. You have a lovely set of rings and an enviable tiny ring size. But despite the compliments you are unhappy and only you know what will make make you happy.
Not wearing your rings is really just cutting your nose off to spite your face. And alienating your husband will achieve nothing.

 

[ursulawrite]

Date: 10/10/2006 12:47:14 PM
Author: phoenixgirl
You said in an earlier post that your husband spent $5000 on your e-ring? Or at least you said that he told you that was all he was comfortable spending. Is it possible that he didn''t want you to know the exact amount? I can''t imagine a GIA certified 1.32 E VVS1 diamond cost that little four years ago.

A friend of a friend is in the industry. I know he spent that much because I''ve since met the jeweller involved -- plus he''s told me a couple of times. I suppose the application of a "bargain mentality" for something so important hurt a little and I wish he''d never told me.

My husband is a wonderful man and we''re extremely close. I think the negative comments from others started to make me question his decision to play it modestly when, in fact, I would usually commend someone''s financial savvy. Funny how it''s different in this instance.

Thanks for being my personal therapists, everyone!!

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 10/10/2006 1:34:54 PM
Author: ursulawrite

Date: 10/10/2006 12:47:14 PM
Author: phoenixgirl
You said in an earlier post that your husband spent $5000 on your e-ring? Or at least you said that he told you that was all he was comfortable spending. Is it possible that he didn''t want you to know the exact amount? I can''t imagine a GIA certified 1.32 E VVS1 diamond cost that little four years ago.

A friend of a friend is in the industry. I know he spent that much because I''ve since met the jeweller involved -- plus he''s told me a couple of times. I suppose the application of a ''bargain mentality'' for something so important hurt a little and I wish he''d never told me.

My husband is a wonderful man and we''re extremely close. I think the negative comments from others started to make me question his decision to play it modestly when, in fact, I would usually commend someone''s financial savvy. Funny how it''s different in this instance.

Thanks for being my personal therapists, everyone!!

Keep the ring he gave you and go for the RHR!! I''m a sucker for sentimentality - ESPECIALLY if it''s the guy!!!j ADD to the collection - don''t replace