Sometimes the world just isn''t fair....

[Heidi137]

I''m so sorry! You might want to check out breastcancer.org for support and information. There are people living many years after a stage 4 diagnosis. Don''t ever give up!

 

[sumbride]

I''m so sorry Freke... my grandmother was diagnosed with Stage 4 ovarian cancer over a year ago and I was very worried she wouldn''t be at my wedding, but she made it and she''s still with us today. I''m hopeful that you will have your mom around for a while, but sometimes it does help to acknowledge your grief and help it to move along so you can enjoy the fact that she is still with you. My grandmother gave us all a copy of "For one more day" by Mitch Albom and reading it was like a direct message to enjoy her NOW, and know that she''s still with you even when she may not physically be with you. Still, I hope that she will be smiling and wearing a corsage on your wedding day.

 

[monarch64]

Liz, please know...a positive attitude is everything, it really is. In your darkest day, darkest hour...I''ve been there with my dad in ICU, wondering if he would come back to us...please know that miracles DO happen...don''t give up. My dad was frail and weak on my wedding day, my parents didn''t want me to know and I didn''t find out until I was on my honeymoon that he was in surgery and having most of his organs removed....they kept it from me to protect me. You have this time with your mom, you know what she''s going through and you have hope. Please, please, keep your head up for yourself, and your mother. Everything will be ok. I wish I could reach out to you more, but this is the only medium I have. I am thinking of you and your mom, and your family. Take care of yourself.

 

[Phoenix]

I''m sooo very very sorry to hear.

I lost my own mother last year, through very tragic circumstances (and my mom went through soooo much pain before she went). I know how it must feel. BUT I''d like to echo what others have said, miracles do happen and a positive attitude is KEY.

I''m sorry to hear also about yr BF''s sister and her BF too.

BIG HUGS to you, your mom and yr family. I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[isaku5]

(((((MORE BIG HUGS))))) coming your way FC ,and the strongest ever healing vibes to your mom

 

[ladypirate]

Freke, I''m so so sorry. I wish I could give you a hug right now. I know that nothing anyone says can make it better, but I want to commend you for being so strong. Your mother is so lucky to have a daughter like you who cares about her so much. I''m keeping you and your mom and the rest of your family in my prayers.

 

[AmberGretchen]

Oh honey - I can''t even imagine how tough this must be for you, for your mom, and for the rest of your family. All possible good thoughts and prayers are headed your way for you and your mom - I''m sure she appreciates you being there for her more than she could ever tell you, and I''m sure she''s incredibly proud of you.

 

[AGBF]

I am so sorry, FC. It isn't fair at all. You are too young and you deserve to have your mother with you for many more years and special occasions, just as she deserves to be there to celebrate them with you.

People have a right to their pain and grief, and it is perfectly realistic to think that you may lose her. On the other hand, as many others have said, treatment of cancer has reached a new high. A friend of mine with an advanced ovarian cancer (I forget which stage. Stage 3? Stage 4?) was given a year to live about eight years ago. She had been told that if she survived for five years there would be a cure. When she had survived for five years she said to her oncologist, "Well...I did my part." She had a party for herself when she reached 80 last year. None of us would ever have guessed that she was going to make it to 80!. She had so many surgeries, so many rounds of chemo! But in between she was well and she traveled and she read and led a full life. I am still hopeful she will live to see a cure. At least, up until now, each time the last drug failed there was a new one that just appeared to be tried on her.

I will keep you and your mother in my thoughts and prayers.

PS-My mother's life has also been totally ripped apart by C-Difficile. She has been on a steady decline since contracting it. It has left her a shell of herself and made her vulnerable to a stroke and seizures. But she is 90 and we are still not giving up on her!

Hugs,
Deb

 

[Erin]

I''m sorry.

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

I am so sorry to hear about your mom. My thoughts are with you and your family.

 

[strmrdr]

prayers outgoing

 

[mercoledi]

Oh Liz, I don''t even know what to say. My thoughts are with you.

 

[CrownJewel]

Freke, I don''t know what to say, but I''m sending you a hug. I hope your mom at least feels a little better after they drain her lungs and she get out of the hospital. I know it''s just one tiny fix, and there''s a whole lot more going on, but I guess you can only climb the mountain little by little.

More hugs on the way. Keep us updated.

 

[Miranda]

Oh, Freke, I''m so so so sorry honey. I wish you didn''t have to go through all of this. My heart is just breaking for you.

 

[Gypsy]

Freke honey, I know that there are lots of boards for cancer support. It helps to post things where you can get support from people who have been through what you are going through, and understand. That other thread I posted in BWW for example (bad timing on that one), on the other wedding board I frequent, my local board on the knot, for example is like this place, lots of helpful people going through the same thing, and while this is my main home... sometimes when you are in need of information, it''s good to venture to other boards and seek the advice offered there. Maybe you can post and ask for forums on cancer support?

I think it would be great for you to have some extra support right now.

 

[coatimundi_org]

(((HUGS)))

I''m so sorry about your mother, Freke. Your mother and family are in my thoughts.

 

[star sparkle]

Liz, I am so incredibly sorry. I don''t have any great words of wisdom but I just hope you know that we are here if you need anything. I honestly can''t even begin to imagine what you''re going through but I will keep my fingers crossed that everything turns out okay.

 

[ringster]

oh freke...i am so sorry. please don't give up hope and spend as much time as you can with your mom. take care of yourself as well cause i know that dealing with something like this can take its toll.

and there are drugs on the market for breast cancer that just got approved this year - hopefully her doctor knows about them and can help. doctors at a teaching university might also be able to help because they are usually aware of the cutting edge technology.

 

[FrekeChild]

Thank you all for all of your kind words. You have no idea how much they mean to me.

Here''s an update. I just talked to her, she and my dad were waiting for them to come pick her up for a CT scan. She asked me where the closest waffle place is, which I had no idea. Apparently she hasn''t eaten since yesterday at noon, and SHE WANTS WAFFLES. I offered pancake places and french toast places, but only waffles will do. I wish my dad luck with the waffle hunt. But I''m happy to hear that she has an appetite.

They did one series of draining today, she has to go through another one tomorrow, but she sounded pretty upbeat, so that makes me happy.

I''m not going to class today, every time a thought jumps into my head, I basically burst into tears. So I don''t think I can really make it through 3 hours of class.

BF is being really supportive. His own mother passed away in Nov 2005 from heart problems, pancreatic cancer, and diabetes, so he knows how I''m feeling. I''m not saying that she''s a goner yet, but I''ve had to come to the harsh conclusion that she''s not going to be around forever in the past 12 hours.

It''s really hard for me to remain upbeat about everything. This all started when I was nineteen, when she was first diagnosed, she was told then that she had 6 months to live, and she''s still here 7 years later. In 2005 (I think I mistyped 2006 in the OP) when it came out of remission they told her she had 6 months to live if she did nothing-no chemo and no radiation, but 2 years if she did do chemo and radiation. She''s still here 2+ years later-once again defying the odds. She''s the strongest person I''ve ever known, but I''m not sure she can take much more and continue defying those odds.

Again, I truly appreciate all of your support and kind words.

I think cupcakes are in order...

 

[LaurenThePartier]

I''m so sorry, Freke! Your post brought tears to my eyes because it''s so obvious how much you love about your Mother.

I hope you have support IRL, but if not, we are always here to offer hugs and prayers.

 

[poshpepper]

Im so sorry Freke!

My mom and grandmother both had breast cancer... so I know how it felt to get that news

I am praying and sending good thoughts your way and sincerely hope your mom will come out of this. {{{{hugs}}}}

 

[ringster]

Date: 4/8/2008 12:48:21 PM
Author: FrekeChild
Thank you all for all of your kind words. You have no idea how much they mean to me.


Here''s an update. I just talked to her, she and my dad were waiting for them to come pick her up for a CT scan. She asked me where the closest waffle place is, which I had no idea. Apparently she hasn''t eaten since yesterday at noon, and SHE WANTS WAFFLES. I offered pancake places and french toast places, but only waffles will do. I wish my dad luck with the waffle hunt. But I''m happy to hear that she has an appetite.


They did one series of draining today, she has to go through another one tomorrow, but she sounded pretty upbeat, so that makes me happy.


I''m not going to class today, every time a thought jumps into my head, I basically burst into tears. So I don''t think I can really make it through 3 hours of class.


BF is being really supportive. His own mother passed away in Nov 2005 from heart problems, pancreatic cancer, and diabetes, so he knows how I''m feeling. I''m not saying that she''s a goner yet, but I''ve had to come to the harsh conclusion that she''s not going to be around forever in the past 12 hours.


It''s really hard for me to remain upbeat about everything. This all started when I was nineteen, when she was first diagnosed, she was told then that she had 6 months to live, and she''s still here 7 years later. In 2005 (I think I mistyped 2006 in the OP) when it came out of remission they told her she had 6 months to live if she did nothing-no chemo and no radiation, but 2 years if she did do chemo and radiation. She''s still here 2+ years later-once again defying the odds. She''s the strongest person I''ve ever known, but I''m not sure she can take much more and continue defying those odds.


Again, I truly appreciate all of your support and kind words.


I think cupcakes are in order...

freke, sounds like your mom and your family has been on a rollercoaster ride for the last 7 years. that is really tough and speaking as someone who has been through a similar rollercoaster (not cancer but lots of misc medical issues with my brother), i feel for you.

your mom is such a brave and strong woman! definitely someone to be admired and no doubt that she and your family will do all you can to fight this thing. my thoughts are with you and your family, freke.

 

[doodle]

freke, i''m so sorry! this brings back a lot of memories for me--everyone in my family tree gets cancer! my mom also had bc and was given such a bad prognosis that she actually sat me down at one point to give me her wishes for funeral arrangements and any legal issues that would''ve arisen. the doctor literally told her, "you need to make plans because you don''t have a future left. it''s a matter of months", and that''s a quote. she went through the various surgeries, etc. and, WOW, i just realized how long it''s been(!) 5 years later, she''s fine. while i was dealing with all this, my best friend''s grandmother was going through the same thing, and another close friend''s father had brain cancer. i can''t even begin to tell you how much strength and support i got from the two of them through all that. it helps soooo much to talk to people who have been there and who understand your grief, anger, and fear. hope is a powerful, positive, transforming thing--hang onto that. miracles happen, and there are some people that are just so strong, life can''t break ''em. your mom seems to be pretty tough and very upbeat--one heck of a lady, and i wish her (and you!) all the best (and some waffles!).

 

[FrekeChild]

Thank you again, PSers make up a wonderful community and I''m so glad I found PS in general. I haven''t heard anything else yet, but I''m planning on calling her room sometime soon. Because of the C diff she was given a private room because they don''t want it to spread. But she''s happy about having her own room and getting some privacy.

I''ve spent a lot of time thinking about everything the past couple of weeks, and one thought that keeps popping up is how hard this must be for my dad. His oldest son died from brain cancer when I was 2-I think my brother was about 24 when he died. Years later when I was about 21, my next oldest brother was diagnosed with kidney cancer, but luckily he''s still doing fine, at least in the cancer regard. I''m just waiting for my other brother to come up with some other kind of cancer. Their mother (my dad''s first wife) is actually doing chemo right now for a variety of cancers. She was first diagnosed about the same time my brother was. I think it originated in her stomach, and spread from there. I think that perhaps he needs to find someone to talk to, even more than I do.

The only silver lining I can really find is that I am adopted. My parents were unable to conceive and had just started looking into adoption when my biological mother decided that my first family wasn''t good enough, and she wanted someone else. So they were able to adopt me. And I am their only child. But truly, I am HER only child, because my dad has his two sons. And she''s told me that I come first and foremost and that I am her primary concern.

I think the one thing that does make me feel better is what she said once..."You know, everyone thought I was a goner from that first 6 month diagnosis. I have to wake up and take everyday after that as a gift, because I probably shouldn''t have had this long anyway."

 

[Elmorton]

Freke, you are so courageous - as is your mother. Prayers and hugs headed your way, hon.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

My thoughts are with you and your family. I am so sorry and really wish the best for your mom.

 

[PugLover]

Freke, I lost my mom 10 years ago and though I know it''s been a while, I still think about it so very much. All I can say is, enjoy your mom right now, spend lots of quality time together, and think positive!!! She will be at your graduation and your wedding, you''ll see! A lot of the previous posters have shared their stories of friends or family members and how they defied the odds, and so far it seems that your mom has as well. Be strong for your mom and your dad and know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[mimzy]

i am so sorry for you and your family - sending lots of prayers your way.

don''t forget that there are miracle stories that happen every day, and that anything is possible.

 

[Sabine]

I''m so sorry, Freke. I''ll be keeping your mom and family in my prayers.

 

[Mara]

freke, i had to come look up why you bought the 12 cuppies...i am so sorry about your Mom. it must be so incredibly hard, words won''t make any of it better. one of my uncles was diagnosed with stage 4 about 5 years ago, and he went fairly quickly from that point on, it was so sudden. he also had to have his lungs drained once or twice. he was quite young, only 55 and had been so healthy before, it is just horrible how merciless cancer is. it was very hard on the family, especially for his daughter who really held the family together. just this last year she had her first baby and i am sure it was so bittersweet to not have her father around.

anyway i don''t want to be a downer, as there are plenty of cases where people make it years and years past what the doctors first think they have....so sending positive thoughts and vibes your way that is the case for your Mom....she certainly is surrounded by your love.

you eat all of those 12 cupcakes with my blessing, you hear??? comfort eating is the best.