The guest list at a shower

[zoebartlett]

Oh, let''s see, it''s been what, 30 minutes or so since I started a new thread. Let''s do one more...

The shower. My mom''s friend is going to host a shower for me the weekend after Mother''s Day (I''m not even sure what weekend that is). My mom said that the guest list would be too big if everyone were invited (my friends, co-workers, my FI''s family, etc.).

My mom said that she''d talk to my FMIL about the possiblity of my FI''s side giving me a shower. I can understand why she''d talk to her, but it also says (to me anyway), "there''s no room for you. Can you put something together?" It sounds a little intrusive -- asking someone to do something she may not have had intentions of doing on her own. I''m not sure.

How, if at all, do I handle this? My mom''s friends will be invited to the shower her friend is giving me. IF my FI''s side throws me a shower, it will most likely be only FILs and their children in attendance.

Where do co-workers and friends fit in? I know I won''t be involved in the planning really and I realize that it''s not my place to add to a guest list. I''m just not sure what to do, if anything. Maybe I''m over thinking this.

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 2/13/2008 7:47:25 PM
Author:ZoeBartlett
Oh, let''s see, it''s been what, 30 minutes or so since I started a new thread. Let''s do one more...

No Advice on the shower issue, but I wanted to let you know that I feel this way ALL THE TIME. SO no worries. Flood the board with your worries. I do. LOL. (Plus I do it on theknot''s local board too, so I''m a TOTAL PITA).

 

[swimmer]

You guys are too cute. When I''m wasting time there is little I like more than reading about everyone''s wedding planning and such. Such great ideas, and everyone likes a distraction from their own difficult decisions/issues. We all can solve each others'' probs faster than we can solve our own.

I guess the question is, does your FMIL want her fam/friends to shower you? If she is ambivalent or perhaps feeling obligated to invite, then great, no need to invite that chunk of folks. If she wants them invited...then a friend of hers could be told by her that there will be a shower...right? Because your sister or mom or FMIL can''t host the shower, I read that it has to be someone more distantly related...where is our Miss Manners on that?

If you don''t want another shower, perhaps just let the shower topic rest with your mom giving her friend her list only? Do people get offended about not being invited to a shower? hm, it could happen.

 

[zoebartlett]

I bet I''d have way more than 3,000 posts if I posted EVERY single random thought that entered my mind. I have quite a lot of them.

Swimmer, I''m not sure what my FMIL thinks. She''s been pretty distant throughout the planning process (I don''t mean that to sound rude -- she just hasn''t been actively involved in helping to make decisions). She''s told us several times that she doesn''t know anything about planning weddings (although she has 2 daughters who either are or have been married at some point in their lives). She''d be happy to help if I asked her to do a specific task but I think she''d probably leave planning anything up to others with more experience. I''m pretty sure if anyone on my FI''s side were going to plan anything, it would be his sisters.

I''m not even sure that my sister will be able to come to the shower our mom''s friend is having. My sister (my only attendant) lives across the country and has a somewhat random work schedule (she doesn''t have a 9-5 job).

I think I''ll just stay out of it all together and see what happens. I''m sure I''ll hear a few details along the way from someone or another as time gets closer.