The Official TTC for 6 Months or More Thread

[BrightSpot]

Ltl, hoping this is your month! Btw, when I used hcg, it was definitely gone by 9dpo. Hoping you can stay busy this weekend & get some good news early in the week.  And thanks for the congrats. 

Tammy, I'm glad you were able to talk to your boss & that she was so supportive.  I'm sorry about the bfn. Hugs to you. How long is your lp usually? I'm still hoping you don't need one, but do you have a plan for next month?

Curly, I thought it was the 2nd cycle. I hope that af is at least back to normal & glad that you're ovulating again. Also glad that you had a fun night with your girlfriends & a nice snuggle with dh & pup. I hope you can treat yourself a bit. 

Prana, how was Scotland? Thinking of you & sending good 2ww dust. 

Afm, not much to report. I guess I'm 5w today but not much on the symptom front, which makes me nervous. 1 week to go until the u/s. we're celebrating our anniversary this weekend & dh's birthday next weekend. I really hope we have good news in between or I'll have to put on quite the brave face for his party. 

 

[tammy77]

Hi Bright!

I'm hoping all you have to pull off is a good excuse for not drinking at his party! I'm praying for you and truly feel like this is your sticky little baby.

I have what *I* want to see happen as a plan, but need to wait to hear back from my GP when she's in next week after her vacation. My plan is to be insistent about an HSG and use my painful ovulation/AF (and recently post coital cramping on left side - ouch and ugh!) as a springboard for getting it done THIS MONTH. With a little luck, she'll code it as diagnostic to save my lifetime infertility balance too. Here's hoping.

 

[BrightSpot]

Aw, thanks Tammy! I really hope you're right. People might indeed be suspicious if I forgo the amazing frozen cosmos at this place.

That sounds like a great plan & even better if you can get the hsg done this month & not coded to infertility.
How are you holding up? Sending you a big hug & so hoping your bfp is right around the corner!

 

[tammy77]

Eh on to round 8. Sorry for the false alarm. Ugh

 

[monkeyprincess]

So sorry Tammy It's so darn frustrating. I'm so glad you have an appointment coming up though and I really hope your plan to get an HSG very soon without tapping into your infertility coverage works for you. You will feel so much better having more information and hopefully taking some steps to help you along a bit. Big hugs to you.

 

[CurlySue]

So, so sorry, Tammy.

 

[BrightSpot]

Tammy, I'm so sorry! Big hugs to you. I hope you can get the hsg done this month so you can get some more information & a plan to move forward. It definitely helps mentally to feel like you're trying something different that might have better results.
I hope you can pamper yourself this weekend & enjoy your wine.

Hi to everyone else & happy Friday.

 

[tammy77]

It might be the hormones talking, but last month I had that "maybe this is the wrong thing to do" thought pop into my head when AF arrived. This month it was strong enough that I broke down and told DH that this just might not be the right path for us. It's just too painful to fail month after month. It's taking a huge toll on me personally, and us as a couple. I can't keep from getting extremely sad, then all that sadness explodes into anger. It's awful and unfortunately it's being aimed at my DH over stupid things. I don't know girls, maybe it just isn't God's plan for us to have a baby together after all and I need to just accept that fate instead of trying to control things that are simply not in my power to make happen, no matter how much I want it, or how hard I try. I'm just broken.

 

[BrightSpot]

Tammy, big hugs to you.   I'm sorry you're feeling so down. I admit that I've had the same exact thoughts at various time during the ttc process. I felt like I was putting myself in a situation that was making me miserable without a guarantee of a light at the end of the tunnel. It just didn't make logical sense to me. I've also had the thought that maybe it wasn't meant to happen if this was so hard. Like there were signs telling me I wasn't meant to be a mom. (And frankly, if this pregnancy doesn't pan out either, I'll probably just write a big "ditto" to your post above.) 
This process can be so emotionally draining & it's so easy to doubt whether it's worth it or not. And having never had a child myself, I can't really say either way. It can take a huge toll on your self esteem & feelings of happiness not to mention your relationship.  So, please know that you're not alone. 
As for where to go from here, only you & your dh can decide. I'll share with you a tidbit that my grandmother said to me about this process that changed my perspective. I had been thinking before I spoke with her that if I tried & failed, I would be so much sadder because of all that I've been through than if I never tried at all. But when I told my gran about what we'd been through, she said to me that I should rest easy in knowing we've tried everything possible and that if it's meant to be, it will be. That made me feel a little better. 
So, if you feel you've given it your best shot & it's truly too painful to continue, then you maybe you should call it a day (or at least take a break). But if you'll always wonder what if--you'd done the hsg, tried clomid, given it another couple months, then maybe it's worth not throwing in the towel yet?
Regardless of what you decide, we're here for you. I hope you can relax this weekend & feel a little better. 

How's everyone doing today? Happy Friday!

Afm, in unrelated news, it's our 6th wedding anniversary this weekend. It almost seems like yesterday I was posting here about engagement & wedding stuff. Hoping to have a nice little celebration (& catch up on some sleep!)

 

[tammy77]

Bright,

Thank you so much for your thoughtful post. I know that I'll regret it if I don't at least try the HSG and possibly clomid. I think that's the end of the line for us though and that's part of why I have these little meltdowns. I don't want to get to the point where there's nothing else left to do but give up. My personality is to choose to quit before being completely defeated. Unfortunately with TTC, I know that would likely mean a lifetime of "what if's" and regret.

As a side note, there's just a lot of stress that isn't related TTC. Maybe this is just delaying while we get some kinks worked out with DH's job schedule (he's working almost opposite schedule from me. I'm 8-4:30pm and he's 1-10pm, and we also have an upcoming custody battle with my exH that's causing me a TON of stress. Wine is good, very good!

Anyhow, thank you again. It helps so much to be able to hear from others that have BTDT. I know you're right, I just need to keep things in perspective.

 

[JGator]

Happy Anniversary Bright. Wishing and praying for a super sticky baby and a great ultrasound next Friday. My next ultrasound is Friday too!

Hugs to you Tammy. I'm sure the stress outside TTC is adding to your overall stress level immensely. Maybe you can take some time out for yourself for a massage or something. The good news is that they haven't found anything wrong with you or DH. I think the HSG and Clomid are great next steps. I started Clomid and had an HSG and ultimately got pregnant within a couple months after that, and I'm 5 years older than you.

 

[indecisive]

Hey Tammy. I am CD1 today so I know how you feel. My doctor wants me to try 4 more months now that the Metformin has regulated my cycles before we go on to the HSG, Clomid, etc. I know we will def go on to those steps if we don't get our BFP before then. I think we would try to afford IUI but I don't see how we could pull out the money for IVF if it goes to that. I know what you mean about being scared to exhaust all your option.

Have you guys seen the movie Up? I watched it for the first time last night and I was totally crying. You see the couple excited and in love and trying for a baby. Then there is either a miscarriage or some sort of infertility diagnosis and you see how crushed they are but they keep living and are still happy and so in love. It kind of made me imagine life with my husband if we never had kids. I really feel like there would be a hole in our life but it reminded me to enjoy all the steps in our lives together more. My husband had to have surgery on his elbow so I am not seeing how we will have any romantic, baby making times this month. I am hoping I will be able to stay positive!

Still thinking good thoughts for you Bright!

 

[LtlFirecracker]

Alright, I caved. I took a HPT today and it was neg . So the injected HCG is out. I am probably 11-12 DPO today. I am not sure the lowest HCG level first response can detect. I know it is not over yet, but at this point I am not getting my hopes up. Serum HCG is tomorrow if AF does not come and I will get results on Tuesday. I will probably take another HPT on Tuesday morning just so I won't have to deal with the bad news while in the middle of patient care.

 

[tammy77]

Alright, I caved. I took a HPT today and it was neg . So the injected HCG is out. I am probably 11-12 DPO today. I am not sure the lowest HCG level first response can detect. I know it is not over yet, but at this point I am not getting my hopes up. Serum HCG is tomorrow if AF does not come and I will get results on Tuesday. I will probably take another HPT on Tuesday morning just so I won't have to deal with the bad news while in the middle of patient care.

I'm sorry Ltl! I really hope it is just too soon to tell. I'll be thinking of you and hope that your serum HCG is positive. Big hugs! Do you have a plan for next month, just in case?

I actually just popped in to vent/ask questions/dump thoughts and saw your post, I'm so sorry for the late reply.

Indecisive, big hugs to you too! CD1 certainly sucks and I'm right there with you. How old are you, if I may ask? I'm sorry if you've already said and I missed/forgot. I wouldn't be too thrilled with waiting an additional 4 months before running the HSG at least, ugh.

Prana, haven't seen you around. Hope all is well and you have some happy news soon!

Curly, thinking of you! What's your plan for this month? I'm so glad to hear that your able to lean on your DH. It makes the process a little less painful.

AFM: I just found out some interesting and alarming (to me at least) information. I was talking to my mom the other day about how my periods are getting heavier with clots, and asked if she had them. She casually mentioned to me today that she did, and had Endo...oh, and my grandmother had a hysterectomy in her 30's because her periods were extremely heavy. Of course the first thing I did was google whether or not Endo is hereditary and apparently there's strong evidence that suggests that it's much more likely to have it if your mother did. So I guess it's time for me to get really serious about this, or call it a day. On one hand, I'm excited to be able to go back to my doctor with significant news. On the other hand, I'm terrified that it will be something that requires a lap, etc. to even give us a level shot at TTC.

 

[monkeyprincess]

Firecracker, so sorry about the BFN. Just for information, I tested for the first time on 12dpo, and I had the faintest of faint lines on a FRER. It was so faint that I'm not sure anything would have shown up if I had tested on 11dpo. Still holding onto hope for you lady. I know how frustrating this whole thing is. If this doesn't happen to be your month, will you be doing the same protocol? I tried clomid for two months (but without a trigger shot), and we had no luck, but the next month I tried clomid, trigger and IUI, and we finally got our BFP. Definitely something to consider, as it has worked for Bright as well both times she tried it.

Tammy, ah, I was so saddened to see your post. This whole process is so emotionally draining and really starts to make you question everything. Only you and DH know what is best for your family and when you've reached your limit. But I'm continuing to send you thoughts and prayers as you discern your next steps.

 

[tammy77]

Thinking of you today, Ltl! MP I haven't commented about your success rates, but I am pretty impressed at the bfps that both you and Bright (and Jgator?) got. It makes me much more likely to give it a shot. It's funny. I draw a line in the sand, then when that doesn't work I push the line out just a little more. Now that I realize there might be Endo causing my issues and it's not just related to fertility (these periods are stupidly painful and gross), I think I'm going to push for a lap if the HSG shows even a slight chance of it. I don't want to mess around with that. I'll go back on hormones after we're done TTC to control it, I suppose. For now though I'm NOT going to give up.

 

[indecisive]

Ltl- You aren't out till you're out! I hope this is your month!

Tammy- I am 27 but I will be 28 in July and we are trying for our first. We have been trying about 10 or 11 months. I told a little white lie to the DR. and said I had been trying 2 months longer than we had but he still wanted us to wait 6 months from starting the metformin to go further. That is 4 months from now but I am hoping that we get pregnant before then. Also, because DH is recovering from surgery I don't want to "waste" Clomid cycles while we might not be able to BD with enough frequency. I am glad you are feeling more positive. It sounds like it is good to get things checked out no matter what with the family history of endo.

 

[LtlFirecracker]

Well, indecisive is right. I am not out yet. No spotting and AF was due today, and my temp went back up this morning. Since I am able to look up my serum HCG today, I am forgoing the HPT this morning. Wish me luck!

MP - If this does not work, we are not repeating the protocol until the June cycle. I took a whole week off this month, and can't afford to do that in May. Plus my schedule is already booked for May. I did some research on unexplained fertility, and based on the numbers I saw I would expect my doc to want to try this 3-4 times. If he wants to move to something else sooner, I am all for it. If after 3-4 times he wants to continue this protocol, I am going to be asking why we are not moving on. I should have no problem repeating the protocol in July and August since I will be moving to the same town as my doc. I am worried about my new job, and how accommodating they will be to a new doc trying to get pregnant.

Tammy - I understand where you are coming from in not wanting to go too invasive. I personally have determined my line in this, it is a little further than yours. I am willing to do about 2 cycles of IVF. If that does not work, than I think I need to start thinking about if adoption is right for me. At this point, I am not open to surrogates/donor eggs and those options. However, I can tell you, I went through the same procedure as MP (without the IUI) and it really was not difficult at all. I commented to my husband it was almost too easy. I have seen tons of IUI's and I don't think they would add too much more complexity to the whole thing. The worse part for me was the clomid, I was a bit moody on it. If your mother has endo, and you have the symptoms, I think it is worth getting it looked it to.

incecisive - good luck to you. I don't know if you read my other posts, but my doc skipped the IUI as he told me that in the situation of normal sperm counts, it does not really contribute. For me that was a big deal because my insurance stops paying for everything if you do an IUI or IVF. Without an IUI, I got the entire thing covered (my doc did not know this when we were talking until after I said something, so I know cost was not a factor in his decision making). I looked up the numbers myself, and there was a small difference, but not enough to justify the IUI. If money is an issue and your doc does not feel it is necessary, it may be worth skipping. Although, if you have insurance that pays for everything but the IUI (which is only a couple hundred dollars), it might be worth boosting the odds even just a little. In doing my research, I really think doing the clomid with the HCG together is what really makes the difference. Hope this helps.

Wish me luck guys.

 

[monkeyprincess]

Firecracker, OMG you have got to be the most patient person in the world! I would've taken 5 tests by now! Hoping you hear good news today! Sounds like you have a thought-out plan in place. I ws skeptical of IUIs because when you read the statistics, it doesn't seem like they have much higher chance of success, but the more reading I did, the more I've come to believe they are a great option for people who seemingly don't have any major fertility issues or unexplained infertility. I think it just eliminates a lot of the barriers such as hostile CM or too high ph, etc., and gets the goods right where they need to be at the right time. Hoping that you get your BFP and don't even need to worry about the next step!

Tammy, glad to hear you are feeling a little better and armed with more information. Really hoping you get some answers!

 

[tammy77]

Hi Girls,

Good luck, Ltl!! I will be stalking, just so you know.

Regarding your comments, I think that my line is blurred and rather flexible but I don't think that we have the resources for IVF. I am strongly considering an IUI if the HSG/Lap options don't work. I ran it by DH with a verrrrry simplified explanation and he said that he'd be on board if push comes to shove. So, we'll see. MP, I saw so many encouraging IUI stories too. I also had to share yours and Bright's with DH when I gave him the IUI debrief this morning.

I need to lose some weight though, ugh. I'd love to drop 20 lbs, that's what I was at when I got pregnant with both of my girls. I can't seem to get past 5 lbs lost though, which of course I put right back on when AF shows. It's a vicious cycle and I know I really have nobody to blame but myself. I indulged a lot less this month though, so that's a start.

 

[LtlFirecracker]

I am posting from my iPhone so I am keeping it short.

Hcg is essentially zero and I am spotting. So no luck this month . Will come back tonight with a longer post.

 

[tammy77]

I am posting from my iPhone so I am keeping it short.

Hcg is essentially zero and I am spotting. So no luck this month . Will come back tonight with a longer post.

Ugh I'm so sorry Ltl!

 

[monkeyprincess]

I am posting from my iPhone so I am keeping it short.

Hcg is essentially zero and I am spotting. So no luck this month . Will come back tonight with a longer post.

Ugh I'm so sorry Ltl!

Me too, Firecracker I know how hopeful you were and what a big blow it is to not have it happen after your first medicated cycle. However, I truly believe the baby you are meant to have will come when the time is right and you still have many options available to you. Big hugs.

 

[BrightSpot]

Ltl, I'm so sorry. Hugs. It's so hard to get your hopes up, deal with the hormones then get a bfn. I hope you can relax a bit during your month off & have success next cycle in June. Remind me-what clomid dosage did you use this time? 

Indecisive, so sorry af arrived.   I hope that the metformin is enough to get you ku within a few cycles. If not, clomid can definitely help. I had little to no side effects on the clomid. I've actually had more issues with the metformin. 

Jgator, thanks for the anniversary wishes. We had a nice little celebration. I can't believe it's been 6 years already! Here's hoping we both have good u/s news this week. 

Tammy, I'm sorry things have been so stressful lately. That must be so hard to deal with opposite schedules with your dh. Adding ttc stress & painful periods is certainly no fun. I think  it's definitely worth asking your doc about endometriosis. I'm not sure exactly how that's diagnosed but the more info the better to help you move forward effectively. I second what everyone said about Iui. It's really not that invasive (no worse than a pap smear) & has given lots of us a much better shot than drugs or bd alone. It does take a little romance out of the process, but once you've been ttc for a while, some of that goes by the wayside anyway. I know what you mean about drawing a line in the sand, then inching it forward. I've almost called it quits several times. I'm glad you're feeling a bit better & are willing to stick it out a bit longer. I'm so hoping you're ktfu soon!

Hi to curly, prana & everyone else. 

Afm, not much to report. Just hanging in there, waiting for my u/s on Thursday & hoping for the best. 

 

[LtlFirecracker]

Thanks guys, I appreciate all your kind words. Flaky nurse did not call me today with the results. I can't believe that! I mean I know this is routine for her, but does she not realize that we are hanging on these results. She has no idea I am able to look up the results myself, and I am not sure I am ready to tell them as they will probably get annoyed with me. I will probably wait until AF comes and than call her. Or maybe I will just tell her I took an HPT and that it was neg. As soon as AF comes, I am going to block my schedule for June so that I can take the time off.

MP - I re-read articles I have access to at work again. I was honestly confused. I could not find much on clomid + HSG without an IUI. I know I don't have access to the infertility journals, but I have access to a website that summarizes all the major journal articles on the topic, and the article I was reading was updated in March 2012. There was one study that stated if you have an LH surge on clomid, HSG was not even recommended. I will have to print them out and bring them home one night so I can really read them. I might ask to try an IUI once on the 3rd or 4th try, but I want to hold out since I will have to pay for the whole thing myself. For unexplained fertility, it appears IVF is my best hope if this procedure does not work (about a 30% pregnancy rate with one try vs 9% with clomid, a trigger, and IUI) so I want to save our money for that.

Tammy - to answer Bright's question about diagnosing endo, it can only be definitively diagnosed through laproscopy. In the article I was reading today, the authors stated in patients high risk for endo, they do not do an HSG, they just go straight to laproscopy. That is fairly invasive, and you might not want to do that right now. But I just thought you should know that. An yes, I agree with the others, even without the IUI, there is very little romance left in this process. I hope you are feeling better today.

Bright - I am wishing you luck on your US!

 

[monkeyprincess]

Firecracker, so sorry again that this wasn't your cycle. And that is really crappy that you didn't get a call from the nurse. How very insensitive. I have no doubt you that you have done your research and understand the medical information and will figure out the best course for you. In the meantime, big hugs to you and take care of yourself.

 

[fisherofmengirly]

Hey everyone,

Yeah, I'm still around, but not much. Right now I'm focusing on walking more (goal is 6 miles a day like I used to do in college... currently up to 5 and my hubs does 2.5 of it with me... the dogs are loving life right now; they live for going on walks!) and that new activitity takes what spare time I had used before for cruising around the web and googling pregnancy signs. So in all, it's a very good thing! The Dr. was telling me about a study that she did a couple years back on fertility and the impact exercise can have on it, and for anyone who's not UNDERWEIGHT, it only increases the chances of conceiving. She cited several things (some obvious): excercise gives you more energy, exercise gets your body moving and that has an impact on hormones, exercise is vital during pregnancy so you need to be doing an adequate amount prior to pregnancy, and exercise can lead to more desire when the time is right to make a baby. And I'd really been needing to get back into walking again, but the hilly sub division we lived in had stopped me. But not anymore. I also walk with a friend during lunch at work.... that's such a fun break in the craziness of the day.

Odd thing is, walking more has NOT made me have more energy like it usually does. I'm zapped and sleepy and tired. And it totally makes me feel like I'm pregnant. It's hard not to get your hopes up (I find that even more so now, because I finally know what it really feels like), but I'm trying not to. I do thank God for the hope He has restored in my heart, though.

Still think of our little Miracle kiddo every day. The rose bush makes me smile every time a new bloom appears. The hope bush we got blooms a lot more often and I think that's fitting, in a way. Hope springs eternal, after all.

I hope you all find a way to keep the hope alive. What God places in our hearts, He will bring to fruition.

And when you DO become pregnant, don't let fear steal those moments of joy. I'm forever thankful for the precious times of complete peace we shared while carrying our sweet baby. They are priceless and changed me for always. So thankful! My prayer is that our next pregnancy will also be one of peace, not fear. I pray that same thing for each of you.

 

[tammy77]

Fisher,

It's SO nice to hear from you. I got the chills reading your post because this very morning I woke up and told my DH that I'm ready for a change. I'm overweight and have been living my life 28 days at a time with the only real goal to be getting pregnant, resulting in me being exactly the same weight I was when I started this journey.

So I told him that for the next two months, I'll keep the appointments with my doctors to look at options, but I don't want to opk/temp/HSG (or lap, I did realize that was the actual next option unfortunately given our situation and my history). I just want to work my butt off to lose as much weight as I can. IF I still need the lap or whatever once I drop the weight, then I'll be further ahead anyhow than the couple of months I "lost". I won't put it off more than this, but I know this is the right path.

What I didn't tell him is the reason for the change. I had a dream this morning that I was holding a baby boy, mine, and he was nursing. It felt SO real (I loved nursing my girls, one of my favorite parts of being mom to a newborn). I want our baby so much it hurts, but I also need to be healthier - focus on the big picture of myself that includes weight moreso than being 35.

As a side note, MIL told me last night that my sister in law's best friend received some surprising news. She's 38, her DH is 58. Yep, she's pregnant! I oscillate between "WTH how can a nearly 60 yr old man and a nearly 40 yr old woman get pregnant, but I can't?!" and "Well, there's hope if they got pregnant, maybe I can too." Mercifully, the hope is winning. Fisher, thank you for reaffirming that path.

 

[BrightSpot]

Fisher, it's so great to hear from you. 
Once again, I'm so impressed by your faith & positive attitude. Making positive changes in your life & retaining hope for the future is definitely a healthier way to look at things & so inspiring. I really hope you're pregnant again before you know it.  You & Paul are going to make such wonderful parents. 
I am now pregnant again & have felt much more fear than joy this time around, which makes me sad. My first u/s is tomorrow (I'll be 6w) & I'm terrified the same thing will happen as last time. It's funny, though, I was in the park with dh over the weekend. We were alone on a blanket & within a few minutes 6 couples with their little ones had joined us. One of the little ones had my (late) grandfather's name. All of a sudden I felt this warm feeling that, not only would everything be ok, but our little one was a boy & would be named after that grandfather. So that's the hope I'm clinging to as I wait until tomorrow's appointment. 

Tammy, I'm so glad you're going to focus on positive changes for your health & things you can definitely change. (It can be so frustrating to focus so much energy on something you can't necessarily change no matter how hard you try)
Hoping we're all successfully pg soon. 

Hi to everyone else. Hoping we can all try to follow fisher's example to live in hope, not fear.

 

[mayerling]

Bright, what time is your appointment? I'm hoping early in the day in the US so that I can get an update over here before I have to go to bed. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you!