The Official TTC Thread!

[sbde]

dreamer...the enabler in me says to just go POAS

!! Good Luck!

 

[Dreamer_D]

Good question Indy. I think I will tell the people from whom I would want support if I had a miscarriage (knock wood): DH (obviously

), my 4 close female friends whom I have dinner with every week, and *maybe* the parents. I''m not sure yet about the parents because I think that a) DHs parents may not be able to keep it a secret from the rest of the family, they are all very close; and b) I think they would be too upset which would add to our emotional burden. Okay, so I am only concerned about DH''s parents, my mom would keep it a secret and be supportive, but we can''t tell one and not the others. But with the parents I only planned to wait until we see the heartbeat, which is around, what, 10 weeks give or take a few weeks? After that apparently miscarriage rates drop to 3%, so that is a risk I am willing to take. If that''s the case, I am only keeping it a secret for 6 weeks after the time we find out.

Okay in reality we will probably tell the parents right away. But we''ll see.

I guess this doesn''t give DH anyone from his social circle to tell, but they are kinda blabber mouths, so I am not sure I really want him telling any of them... if he really wanted to tell someone we probably would, though.

I agree with your reasoning about the secretiveness of miscarriage. I think there is a stigma around it, which there shouldn''t be, because like you said it is normal and common. I''m just not sure I like my personal business known that much by people I am not really close with. So we will NOT be talking about it outside of this tight circle until I am 12 weeks, no question about that.

 

[Independent Gal]

Yes, I think one interesting thing that comes through in this thread is how mammalian we actually are. I mean, all the DH''s are all IRRATIONALLY "I shot, I scored!" and take it as a point of pride. And women sometimes IRRATIONALLY feel like there''s something wrong with THEM if things don''t work right on the first go.

It''s like people are proud of their fertility, which, when you think about it, is a very weird thing to be proud of. And then when you think about it again, couldn''t possibly be less weird. You know, since we''re animals and all. Animals capable of pride.

Anyway.

I just asked DH whether he''d want to tell his folks right away and he said ''DEFINITELY!'' Then they will tell all their friends though. Especially his mom.

If it didn''t stick and people knew, I think I''d find peoples'' pity would make it worse.

Heck, I''m not even pregnant yet so why am I worrying about this?!

Maybe because it''s easier than worrying about not being able to get knocked up in the first place?

 

[neatfreak]

Mela: Congrats girl!!!!

Dreamer: I think that could be a dip for implantation and then implantation bleeding! It's possible! Better POAS just to make sure though.

And you can "see" the heartbeat on an u/s quite early if you can manage to get an early one. We saw and heard it on u/s at 8 weeks.



Re: When to tell people

We told our parents after a few weeks just to make sure it wasn't a fluke since we found out so early. But when I was getting super strong/dark lines a few weeks later, we couldn't resist. We also told our absolute best friends only because I knew that we'd want their support if something were to happen.

THEN once we found out about the twins AND since saw the really strong good heartbeats, we've been telling more people. But still only in the "needs to know" camp. So still only very close friends (i.e., people we see all the time and would notice I wasn't drinking and wasn't feeling well a lot) and my advisor (also so he would know why I was looking green all the time!). But we still haven't told the next "tier" of friends and we probably won't for awhile, probably just after 12 weeks. I personally don't understand the societal stigma with miscarriage, so while I wouldn't want to have to discuss it with the whole world, I certainly wouldn't have a problem discussing it with close friends. And it wouldn't be a secret I would want to face alone ya know? It's a fact of life, but a sad one, so I'd rather have support from close friends and family if something were to happen.

 

[Jas12]

whoops, my post above was in the wrong thread (except for the reply to indgal)
sorry TTC gang---i''ve cut and paste the rest of the post into the right place!

 

[Independent Gal]

BTW Jas12, your little Cohen is sooooooo cute. That pic is killing me.

 

[sbde]

hmm, I''d tell immediate family (parents, siblings) pretty soon after finding out, but everyone else would definitely not be told until after the first 12 weeks. It''s almost nice to have that little secret to ourselves for a while, no?

 

[Dreamer_D]

I don't think I want to test until 14DPO (next wed) because I wouldn't trust a negative at this point but it would just depress me anyways. If my temps stay high the next couple days then I will have a better idea that something is up. I have been having "tummy problems" of the bathroom variety (i.e., not puking

) the last 2 days, so maybe I have a bug of some sort that is raising my temp. On the other hand, some women have issues like this during implantation too, so who knows.

If I am not preggers, I have to admit I am worried about how messed up my cycles have been. I read in Taking Charge of your Fertility that really light periods can be a sign of an anovulatory cycle... well I think last month I had an anovulatory cycle based on my super light period. But this month my tempts show a REALLY CLEAR bi-phasic pattern. Yet, if this isn't implantation spotting, then my period is still really really light, which suggests I wasn't fertile.

Siggghhhhhh, Indy, I'm with you. I need something to think about OTHER than whether or not I am fertile. Usually diamonds are a great distraction, but I have no money to spend on that right now, so it isn't a particularly good distraction KWIM?

Anyone wanna take up knitting with me?

ETA: I have been STARVING the last few days. Like, I woke up EARLY this morning and had to have breakfast! That is unusual. Maybe it is because everything I ate in the last few days didn't stick around long enough to satisfy...

 

[neatfreak]

Dreamer: Really light periods do NOT mean anything necessarily, especially if you are coming off the pill. I''ve always had super light periods. It''s just normal for some people and especially after coming off the pill, I wouldn''t worry about it if you are showing a clear biphasic pattern.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Thanks NF, that is good to know. I wish I was the type of person who didn''t analyse things very deeply, that would make life easier. But then I guess I''d need a different career!

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 5/25/2008 2:04:36 PM
Author: dreamer_dachsie
Thanks NF, that is good to know. I wish I was the type of person who didn''t analyse things very deeply, that would make life easier. But then I guess I''d need a different career!

I totally get it. It doesn''t get easier on this side of the fence!!! But it''s easier for me to now tell YOU not to worry.

 

[AmberWaves]

Hey everyone! Man, run a day of errands and miss a whole lot! Still here, still cramping, still hating AF.

Here''s hoping the next cycle is equally clockworky, I''ll be able to plan accordingly!

Good luck to DD!

 

[tiffanytwisted]

Indy-good question. It so varies from person to person. I have had 2 girls I work with tell us when they were like 7 weeks along and hadn''t been to the doctor yet, and another girl just told me (when she got back from her honeymoon) and she''s only like 5 weeks, and I''m not close to her or anything. Anyway, I thought it was odd that they were basically telling everybody, not just close friends. But to each their own.
In December when I had the ectopic I hadn''t told any of my family. I was waiting until after our first appointment. I had told 2 close friends but that was it. Anyway, my dad was visiting when I started cramping and had to go to the ER, so I basically had to just blurt out, "well, I''m pregnant but now I''m having massive pain so I need you to take me to the ER" Not exactly how I wanted the conversation to go. At that point I had wished that I had told them earlier. And after 2 ER visits and surgery everyone at work ended up finding out anyway, (well, people were asking why I was gone so I gave permission for everyone to know).
But, when it happens again I don''t know that I will tell anyone earlier. I still would like to know that all is well before we spill the beans.
By the way, I''m also in the over 30 group (turned 35 in March). I told my ob i was now "advanced maternal age" and he actually laughed.

I am still reading to catch up on where everyone is in their cycles- in on CD 12. My monitor has still been low, and i haven''t noticed any change in CM, although I think that might be part of my problem.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Date: 5/25/2008 9:34:52 PM
Author: tiffanytwisted
Indy-good question. It so varies from person to person. I have had 2 girls I work with tell us when they were like 7 weeks along and hadn't been to the doctor yet, and another girl just told me (when she got back from her honeymoon) and she's only like 5 weeks, and I'm not close to her or anything. Anyway, I thought it was odd that they were basically telling everybody, not just close friends. But to each their own.
In December when I had the ectopic I hadn't told any of my family. I was waiting until after our first appointment. I had told 2 close friends but that was it. Anyway, my dad was visiting when I started cramping and had to go to the ER, so I basically had to just blurt out, 'well, I'm pregnant but now I'm having massive pain so I need you to take me to the ER' Not exactly how I wanted the conversation to go. At that point I had wished that I had told them earlier. And after 2 ER visits and surgery everyone at work ended up finding out anyway, (well, people were asking why I was gone so I gave permission for everyone to know).
But, when it happens again I don't know that I will tell anyone earlier. I still would like to know that all is well before we spill the beans.
By the way, I'm also in the over 30 group (turned 35 in March). I told my ob i was now 'advanced maternal age' and he actually laughed.

I am still reading to catch up on where everyone is in their cycles- in on CD 12. My monitor has still been low, and i haven't noticed any change in CM, although I think that might be part of my problem.

Tiffany, I'm so sorry that you had to go through that, it must have been so hard! Forgive me if this is presumtuous to suggest, since I don't know much about your situation, but you mentioned that CM may be an issue for you... have you read Taking Charge of Your Fertility? It is very readable and it has really really good information about CM and how to identify it and how to time intercourse if your CM is low (e.g., if CM is low you want to try to BD as close to O as possible since sperm can't live very long without high quality CM). Are you checking your CM internally or externally? If you don't get tonnes of it, then you may need to check it internally... I can't relie on external myself, since I don't get full-on EWCM, just slippery CM, which I can assess best internally.

Also, are you temping? That may be another useful tool to help you understand your cycles and when is the best time to BD. It also has lots of info about different types of cycles (i.e., temp patterns and CM patterns) that may make conception more difficult and may help know when the best time is, given your particular pattern.

Anyhoo, that came to mind from your comment so thought I'd throw it out there. I just bought the book and it has been VERY interesting to read.

ETA: I love your e-ring! Gorgeous! Just stalked your posts to see it.

 

[lisa1.01fvs1]

Hey all thought I''d give my .02 on the to tell or not to tell.

We agonized a little but I figured that if we had a m/c I would need all the support I could get.

So I told and don''t mean to be a killjoy here but you can have a m/c - complications at any time.

True the odds go down quite a bit after 12-13 weeks but they never truly disappear.

And it''s not just about losing the baby. Many a fine pregnancy turns south at delivery or w/ problems in dev. of the fetus.

So I just spilled the beans and hoped for the best. Anyway, I was showing fairly early so the secret wasn''t a secret for that long.

Enjoy every step. It is one of the best/miraculous and wonderous events ever!

I was scared but had to let it go. What choice do we have - revel in the ride.

 

[tiffanytwisted]

Dreamer-thanks for the compliments on my e-ring! That''s so funny that you "stalked" the posts!
I have read TCOYF. Thanks for the recommendation. There is so much information in that book, whether you are trying or not trying or just want to understand your body more. I also chart temps, and cm on fertility friend. (I know there are quite a few people using that here.) I also have to check internally. Anyway, so I had decided on my own that CM was a problem, and one of the things she suggests in TCOYF is robitussin. SO this month I figured what the heck, it''s worth a try, it''s not like robitussin has side effects so it couldn''t hurt.
So yesterday morning I checked and there wasn''t much, and it was watery. So last night we get home (we were out of town for the weekend), my husband goes to a friends house, and I check again. TMI ALERT- there it was, full on egg white. So I called him and made him come home![
So, now on CD 13. I usually ovulate around day 15.

 

[Independent Gal]

Ladies, did reading TCOYF make you worry less or more? Did it give you new things to worry about? I''m kinda... scared to read it.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Tiffany, that''s great news! I haven''t read the whole thing yet, but I am going to dig in deeper tonight! Good luck!

Indy: well I can''t say what will make you worry, but I have found is decreased my worries. The book is kind of a feminist manifesto about fertility. The woman is really gung-ho about natural birth control, that is what temping and fertility awareness is all about, and the fact that it helps you conceive is a lovely side effect! In addition, she thinks that the fertility awareness method (FAM) can prevent all sorts of unneccesary medical procedures because it can alert you to issues early and also alert you to non-issues, if that makes any sense, because you really know your body and can use natural methods to get preggers instead of medical methods. I am pretty granola myself, and love the book "Our Bodies Our Selves", another feminist medical bible, so this way of thinking is really consistent with my own view of health and the world. So that may be why I find it reassuring. Plus it has lots of pictures, graphs, and other things that make it all make sense and help you to really understand what''s going on in your body. By no means is she anti-intervention... there is a chapter about modern fertility treatments at the end. She just thinks that sometimes this can be avoided by using the methods suggested in FAM.

But if you find the medical system and the idea that medical procedures can help you comforting, then this book may stress you out more because you are really taking charge of something that you may feel more comfortable leaving in the hands of doctors. I had a friend who recently TTC and got preggers, and she refused to temp of monitor her CF, and visitied the doctor a lot, but she finds anything "natural" to be really stressful.

Anyways, maybe others have opinions about this.

As for me, my temp fell below the cover line today, and my stomach issues are gone, so the high temps I had over the weekend must have been due to illness. So I will be reading TCOYF very carefully in the next couple days to see if she has any good suggestions to help me out this cycle. She does mention, BTW, that can actually take months, or even years (

) for cycles to normalize after BCP. Of course, you can get preggers in that time, but cycles may be wonky for that long. Hopefully, I have a nice long luteal phase this time around.

 

[E B]

Indy,

TCOYF is a very helpful book. It didn''t scare me in the slightest! I highly recommend reading it.

Any news from mela lu?

 

[mela lu]

Hi gals!

At work - trying to focus on this busy day - but having troubles

Tiffany - good luck to you and GREAT use of the ''Robittusin''! Baby dust all over you and your DH!!!!

As per your convo (that I missed yesterday), we decided to tell both our families (parents and siblings), and I told my best girlfriend who is now 11 weeks along. I''m so thrilled that we get to go on this journey toghether! (history: best friends for 17 years now, and share the same bday!!!) anyways, My SIL (my hubby''s twin) has 3 kids, the youngest of whom is 14 months is a great source of advice, not to mention hand-me-downs! haha. So everyone is cautiously excited for us!

now, the thing you''ve all been waiting for: (we finally found our camera)

 

[E B]

Yay Mela!

Congratulations!

 

[Independent Gal]

Date: 5/26/2008 9:47:09 AM
<

Indy:
But if you find the medical system and the idea that medical procedures can help you comforting...

Well, I do find the idea comforting that if I'm, say, bleeding out my ears or playing host to a parasite, medical procedures can help me. And I'm not so crunchy that I think of the old days when childbirth was the leading cause of death in women with nostalgic sighs. That said. I hate going to the doctor. I hate hospitals. I hate being condescended to. And I definitely do not have a 'Trust him/her! S/he's a doctor!' mentality. Quite the opposite. I've found doctors are wrong juuuuuuust as often as the rest of us humans.

So when it comes to health stuff, I'm definitely a take charge kinda gal.

But I was just worried whether I'd learn about NEW things that COULD go wrong. Like before joining this thread, I didn't even know that my luteal phase could be wonky.

But it sounds like it's a book I'd like. So I'm going to order a copy right now!

 

[neatfreak]

Indy: I also enjoyed TCOYF. I actually have 2 copies of this book...I wish that there was a way to contact you and I would send you one so you don't have to buy it! I think it's really helpful to know exactly what is going on in your body. There are new things that you'll worry about, but at the same time one of the best take home points of the book is the hundreds of weirdo charts from women who ALL GOT PREGNANT. So that really helped when looking at your own weird chart!

ETA: I do have all the bay area PSers contacts...so if you by chance have one of theirs we could make it happen!

 

[mela lu]

hi again,

I just wanted to thank everyone on this thread for the insights, laughs, caring and info. DD, Amber, Blein, Lisa, Indy and Tiffany - You are all so wonderful and I truly hope and pray for some much deserved baby dust for y''all soon. I''m going to be sticking around here for a bit, as I''m not emotionally ready for the official pg thread. yikes. Tomorrow i''m seeing my GP to confirm the pg and then I''ll slowly make my way over to the other thread. I have a lot of back-reading to do...so that''s how I''ll prob be passing the time.

 

[lisa1.01fvs1]

MELA

Yay for pics!!!!!

We are sorta weird on here needing to see pee sticks and all. DH just saw this and walked right out of the room!

He thinks peeing on sticks and saving them are gross. Too bad! I saved the ones from 2 weeks ago although they are yellow and
archival looking.

BTW: when I get a + stick I''m gonna include it in a card for him - hehehehe.

Or put it under his pillow.

 

[Independent Gal]

Thanks Neatfreak, that''s really nice of you, but I actually found one second hand on alibris.com (great site by the way, particularly if you like first editions and things) that was $8 including shipping. So no big whoop!

It''s the 2001 edition... is that the most recent? Well, I suppose not all THAT much has changed.

Well, this is my first ''likely'' week for trying. We didn''t get reckless till after it was ''likely'' last time around, so this is our first real go.

DH is stressed about work right now, so I think he welcomes the distraction.

I''ll have my first testable day while we''re in New Mexico on our little honeymoon.

And mela, congrats again!

 

[Independent Gal]

Lisa that's funny about your DH! I think mine would find it weird if I posted a stick on here. Actually, we never talk about PS anyway. I mean, he knows I hang around on here, and, like Neatfreak's hubby, he has his own guilty pleasure website for a hobby of his (and no, it's not p@&n!)

Anyway, it gives me a way of obsessing and getting help and support without bugging my friends.

 

[mela lu]

my hubby HATED the fact that I jumped on PS right after we tested + but then he just turned around, left the room and decided not to kill my fun. love him!

Lisa - under his pillow!!!!! HEE!

 

[Dreamer_D]

Date: 5/26/2008 10:40:11 AM
Author: Independent Gal

Date: 5/26/2008 9:47:09 AM
<

Indy:
But if you find the medical system and the idea that medical procedures can help you comforting...

Well, I do find the idea comforting that if I''m, say, bleeding out my ears or playing host to a parasite, medical procedures can help me. And I''m not so crunchy that I think of the old days when childbirth was the leading cause of death in women with nostalgic sighs. That said. I hate going to the doctor. I hate hospitals. I hate being condescended to. And I definitely do not have a ''Trust him/her! S/he''s a doctor!'' mentality. Quite the opposite. I''ve found doctors are wrong juuuuuuust as often as the rest of us humans.

So when it comes to health stuff, I''m definitely a take charge kinda gal.

But I was just worried whether I''d learn about NEW things that COULD go wrong. Like before joining this thread, I didn''t even know that my luteal phase could be wonky.

But it sounds like it''s a book I''d like. So I''m going to order a copy right now!

I feel the same way Indy. By no means am I anti-doctor. That would be insane! But I do like to be informed about my own body. To cope with my intense distraction and alleviate my stress, I have taken the day off to stay home and read TCOYF cover-to-cover. I figure I''m on CD-4 now, so I need to read up so I''ll be ready to go this cycle. This month or next would be ideal for getting preggers for us. Lets see what happens!

So far I am really enjoying it and finding it very reassuring.

 

[Independent Gal]

For us too (I mean, me getting knocked up this month or next). So I think I may go get some robitussin. You know. Pull out all the stops so to speak.