Things you''ve decided you just don''t care about...

[Gypsy]

Everyone has different proirities... which ones have you just decided you don't give a da*m about?

1. Whether ALL my guests will like the cake flavor. I'm avoiding nut allergy issues, and that's about it. John can pick whatever he wants, and if the guests don't like it... oh well. I'm probably going to be providing persian pastries family style on each table, so they'll have something to munch on.

2. My BM's dress. As long as it's black, tea-length and doesn't have a pattern, I'm good.

3. Whether it's a Tux or Suit for John and BM. It's his call. As long as he's dressed appropriately I don't give a hoot.

4. How the OOT guests are getting to the venue. This is probably the harshest, but... it's CA. You need a car. Period. Get a rental, I'll give you a map. Everyone attending from OOT is coming in groups or packs, and each group has at least two people capable of drving and reading a map. It's gonna be 5 miles from the hotel with the room blocks, two roads total, I think you can manage it. Wedding doesn't have hard alcohol and it ends at nine. You'll be fine. The hotel front desk can give you directions too. (Although the hotel does have a shuttle and if they offer anything for a nominal fee, John might decide to arrange something. I'm staying out of it.)


What about you?

 

[October2008bride]

I have a few things too! Great thread!

1. BM Dresses - same as you Gypsy. Black, knee length probably, and something that *they* are happy with.

2. Parking - we are getting married downtown Toronto and the church and reception are walking distance. Literally 1.5 blocks. His parents thought it was soooo inconvenient and we should pay for parking for everyone. Ahem. No thanks. Sure its a nice to have, but I would never expect that someone would pay for my parking in the city. Most of my friends are in the city anyways, so they can cab it or take the subway. I thought we were actually making it easier on them!!

3. DJ. We picked a very well regarded DJ, but really didn''t look around or anything. I''m of the mindset that a wedding dj is just that...as long as he''s not *terrible*, I''ll be happy. Even though I dont'' want to hear "Celebrate" or the Chicken Dance, there is a reason why they are popular at weddings and if that is what gets Aunt Bessie on the dance floor, so be it.

There are some other things, but those are the big ones I think!

 

[swimmer]

Oh Gypsy, your #4 is what is driving me batty. I so admire your determination to not care, the other night I had a nightmare that I was driving FMIL''s friends around the morning of the wedding and so showed up for the wedding in my pjs. People keep asking me if they "have" to rent a car...I want to scream, yes! just like the car I rented for your wedding! At least where we are getting married its less than $30 a day to rent a little car. What would they do without a car, chill in the hotel waiting all day for a bus? There is almost no public transportation in East Tennessee! This is a sad fact and not very environmentally friendly, but its not something I personally can fix before May! I''m about to hyperventilate just thinking about this issue. I''m impressed with people who do provide transport, but with 200ish OoT guests...and they aren''t all staying at the 4 hotels we booked rooms...breathe...please give me some of your calm on this topic.

OK, to answer your question, things I''m not stressing about...
Flowers, they will be pretty, they are flowers.
What my mom wears, she is so beautiful, I just want her to stop fixating on it.
BMs dress, they picked it, they like it, just hope their shoes are comfy for dancing.
My aunt is painting the ketubah and FMIL and I are going to make the chuppah when we feel like it.
My hair. I gave up on it in middle school, why do I think it will bend to my will now? It''ll be fine.

and other than the transportation, i''m stressed about the schizophrenic best man, FFIL who wants to roast instead of toast, and rain. Yeah, Gypsy that was totally not the post you asked for, but you struck a nerve. Oh, and I love your boxes! How perfect. The Persian desserts sound awesome as well.

 

[enbcfsobe]

i feel you on this. sometimes i go back and think about these things just because it makes me more relaxed.

1. what the cake looks like (and whether anyone else likes how it looks/tastes). i''ve never actually noticed a wedding cake while attending an actual wedding. i''ve never managed to catch the cake cutting. ever. i''ve only ever noticed them in pictures. i don''t care what it looks like, as long as it vaguely resembles a cake, is big enough to serve everyone a small piece, and tastes at least as good as a mix. if i can get some flowers on it, thats great. oh, and i don''t want fondant. i think it tastes gross. the cake is part of the catering package, and i''m not paying extra for bells and whistles. its just not my thing.

2. parking. despite the proximity of the venue to some hotels, most of those hotels suck, so we''ll probably end up doing a shuttle just so no one gets hit by a bus (the venue is on a difficult-to-cross street). but i''m not paying for both. if you don''t take the shuttle, you''re on your own. it probably means you (1) are from the area so you aren''t paying for a hotel room or (2) were too stubborn or cheap to stay in the city so you had to rent a car. i say tough noogies. you''re lucky that the garage is $7 instead of the $30+ for every other lot in the city.

3. reception/info cards in the invites. if you aren''t over 80 and can''t get on the internet to check the website, just call me. if you don''t have my number or my mom''s number or FMIL''s number, you shouldn''t be invited. we''ll be in close touch with the over-80s anyway (grandma and great aunt). i''m not killing more trees and paying more money for paper that you''re going to chuck anyway. look it up or call me or just let it be a surprise.

4. catering to the very small % (we''re talking 2 people) who are so observant that they will need to walk to the ceremony because of the timing. they are ADULTS. they have made a DECISION to live their life that way. i will provide appropriate food and schedule so that they can get there, but i am not planning the entire weekend around them. they can decide how far is too far to walk and choose accommodations accordingly. i hate to be harsh about this, but my mom is treating this like the people that are at issue are 5 years old. they are not, and they can address the issue themselves, with much less embarassment. i''m happy to provide information and advice, but i am not scheduling and planning the whole thing on the basis of what they can and cannot do. there is a difference between accommodating someone and having the world revolve around them. ok, so maybe i care, but only to the extent that i want to express that i''m not going to let it affect my plans.

phew. that felt good.

 

[zoebartlett]

My parents had to rent everything down to table linens when my sister got married. I went with my sister and my mom to pick out the linens and I was bored beyond belief. I decided right then that I didn''t care about linens and for my wedding, I''d let someone else decide what to go with. As it turns out, my venue is a restaurant and they provide them. So I don''t have to think about that and that''s good cuz I don''t care.

Favors. I''m actually on the fence abut this. If we do anything, it will probably be a little box or bag of chocolates. We may decide to skip favors all together and I''d be fine with that. I don''t care too much about that.

Whether my FI (and his best man and our dads) wanted to wear tuxes or suits. I know I posted a question about that but I was fine with either option. They decided on tuxes, by the way. We have to back to the drawing board and redecide what vests and ties to go with but at least the decision of whether to wear tuxes has been made.

What my FI wanted for his wedding band. We haven''t contacted him yet but my FI likes Bruce Boone''s "scoop." The price is right too, which certainly helps. I don''t particularly care what style of ring my FI wants -- I''m just impressed that he agreed to wear one at all.

What my sister, my MOH, wanted to wear. She decided what color (blue) and what style she wanted and looked best to her. Since the girl didn''t wear a dress to her own wedding, I certainly wasn''t going to decide that for her. She said she was happy wearing whatever I wanted her to but I let her do the decision making on that one. She chose a very nice dress with spaghetti straps and layers at the bottom.

What wine we want served at the RD and the reception. That''s all up to my dad. He''s looking forward to going to the liquor store and buying the place out. I could care less.

Now that I''ve written a novel, I should go to bed. Good night.

 

[basil]

Everything that I thought I didn''t care about in the beginning, it turns out that I actually do care about now. I thought all I really wanted was to marry fiance in a gorgeous dress, looking gorgeous with a gorgeous bouquet.

I thought I didn''t care about linens, chairs, etc. But now I do.

I thought that I didn''t care what the bridesmaids or my fiance wore. I do.

I thought I didn''t care about the invitations and such. But now I really kinda do.

I think I need to take a step back.

 

[IWantAMilkshake]

Date: 2/13/2008 9:43:43 PM
Author: basil
Everything that I thought I didn''t care about in the beginning, it turns out that I actually do care about now. I thought all I really wanted was to marry fiance in a gorgeous dress, looking gorgeous with a gorgeous bouquet.

I thought I didn''t care about linens, chairs, etc. But now I do.

I thought that I didn''t care what the bridesmaids or my fiance wore. I do.

I thought I didn''t care about the invitations and such. But now I really kinda do.

I think I need to take a step back.

HA! I totally feel like this. I also feel bitter that I feel like I HAVE to care about everything, because no one else does. Or more specifically, I have to form an opinion on everything, because no one else will. And somehow once I form an opinion, I care about something I heretofore have never even knew existed.

 

[diamondfan]

It has been a while for me, but I think now I would not care so much about making everyone happy. I was so so worried about that that I think I lost me in the process. I was easily pushed and manipulated and it really just made the whole planning process and wedding itself more stressful than it needed to be.

 

[basil]

IWantaMilkshake -

That''s a really good way of putting it. When the caterer says "which do you want, the ivory or the white china", and looks at you, you have to make a decision. And it''s just not in my personality to make any old decision without considering it pretty carefully. If someone said "I really really want the ivory china" I''d be all for it, but since no one else cares, then I have to care, because I can''t let myself pick the wrong china! My wedding/marriage/life/chance of happiness will be ruined

 

[misysu2]

Great topic.

I don''t care anymore about:

1. where OOT guests stay (they need to put their big kid undies on and book a hotel!)
2. flowers
3. Food at the reception.
4. my hair

 

[teetee]

1. reception venue - looked at one place and booked it because it was highly recommend by both sets of parents and accommodates the number of guests.
2. church - booked the church his family attends
3. dress - not that I don''t care but I got tired of trying them on
4. favors

that''s all i''ve got for now...

 

[Neveah]

1. How BM wear their hair. I told them they could get it done, not get it done, wear it upside down or sideways. Whatever. As long as they love it.

2. Limo.... I got rid of it. Though church and reception are only 2 blocks away downtown so it would just be a waste of money. We''re gonna hop on the shuttle provided for guests instead.

3. My FI''s paronoid schizophrentic alcoholic brother who''s a GM. Okay, I still care. But I have let it go.

 

[CJ2008]

1. Favors

2. How much money people will spend to be at the wedding. I know I'm asking everyone to go to Mexico -- but -- they also don't need to stay as long as they are. People just keep throwing out hints how much the trip is costing them, which is funny, because it's the very same people that go on vacation every year w/o a problem.

This sounds harsh -- but feels good to say it.

Damn! I have to work on something else to not care about -- I'm sure I'll come up with more as time goes on.

ETA: 3. Cake flavor. I like Tres Leches, and that's what we're having damn it. haha

 

[staceybelle]

1. Where people are staying -- after my mom booked rooms for her side of the family twenty-five miles away from the reception site, I decided everyone was on their own. It would be nice to have booked a block of rooms, but our guests are adults, after all, and I''m sure they can get on the Internet and find a decent room.

2. Invitations -- FI wanted something that was mostly white or ivory and modern, but not TOO modern, not square, and not too colorful. I got tired of trying to find something that fit that description within my price range. I got tired of trying to find something like that fit that description outside of my price range, for that matter. I decided it couldn''t be done and ordered some plain vanilla invitations. At least they were cheap.

3. Favors -- They''ve been given at fewer than 25% of the weddings I''ve been to in the past five years. They''re not really common in the region where I live. We thought about some relatively inexpensive ones and it still amounted to a rather large chunk of change that could be better spent elsewhere.

4. Limo -- Our reception is at the top of a 36 story building, so nobody will see us arrive unless they''re looking really hard almost straight down. We''re staying at the hotel across the street, so we''re not going to be making our getaway by car. Again, a substantial chunk of money better spent on something else.

5. Honeymoon -- we''re both still in law school & quite poor. Maybe someday . . .

 

[Gwyn]

#1 I dont think i ever cared about guest liking the cake, just me But I will put that down. To be honest though, i dont even know if i want a cake. I kind of want some tiramisu and that doesnt form into 3 teirs too well...I might just skip it all together. To be honest, i dont think ive ever even noticed a cake at another wedding. The only reason i really care is that i am using the cake cutter from both my grandmother and mothers wedding. which will have all our dates engraved on it. So it might be nice to have something to cut. At this point, i dont really care what though.

#2 I was a lil worried about OOT guest accomadations. Both my ceremony and reception are at the same place and i booked a block of rooms there for them, but if they stay any other length of time...I have no clue. I will have lil baskets for those that are staying in the INN though.

#3 I also worried a lil bit about OOT guest transportation. Depending on when they arrive I may be able to get them at the air port but, like gypsy said, this is california. Los Angeles no less for me, they are going to need a car. I am sure they can go in on one together or something. My reception and such is not near the airport...oops But I dont care!

#4 In addition to the above, I do not care about the cost of the INN. It is southern california, what do you expect! I booked the block and got a discount. A nights stay for $160 isnt that bad. There are even a couple of hotels nearby, you might be about to get something down in the 140-150 range if you look around. Sorry, but im not sacraficing my dream spot to save $20 on a room rental. My mother actually used this as a reason why I should have had the wedding back on the east coast. Hell even my sisters hotel for her wedding back there was $110-120, what were they expecting??

#5 If all my BMs like their dress. Two of them are very similar and one isnt. I happened to wear a miserable BM dress to the wedding of the one that is not similar quite reccently so I am care less and less about her happiness in that department. Besides, might as well get 2 happy instead of 1.

#6 My mother liking my dress. She likes puffed sleeves and lace and flowers, I dont. She kept telling me how much she wanted a ttdress with all this stuff and finally i just told her "You have a wedding dress like that, it is hanging in YOUR closet. I want this".

#7 The cost of my invites. My mother and sister made a big deal about how paying $5.25 per invite is insane and i should just have DIY ones. Well im not crafty, dont own and printer and really dont enjoy that kind of thing. These come premade, pre printed and have the return cards and everything i want included (sans an extra outside envelope). Any I only need about 50 of em. Plus, as far as preprinted cards go, $5.25 is not that bad. I am well within my budget for things and that is what i chose to care about!

#8 If people like the guest list. FI and I come from pretty different backgrounds. Pretty much all of his friends spin records and listen to techno. At all their past weddings they had turn tables up and guests and bride and groom would spin. I don''t really listen to that stuff and noone else i know really does. FI and I both like oldies and some newer dance music like Black eyed peas and such so that is what we will play. His friends don''t like it, i dont care. I did say it might be nice if we could play some techno or something during the cocktail reception. Might be nice to have a lil touch of him in there and it could pump up people for the reception to follow..who knows..not something I chose to care about anymore.

#9 Save the dates, I only have about 5 sets of couples coming in from out of town and they are all close relatives and/or in the wedding. Trust me they know. Im not bothering wasting time/paper/money/effort dealing with STDs.

#10 People getting mad they were not invited or family getting mad we didnt invite all of FIs extended family. We have a venue that seats 50 people. I am not even inviting all my aunts and uncles let alone cousins! Im really sorry we couldnt invite you but i have not even met any of these people before. FI doesnt care at all so ive decided I dont either

#11 Parents being mad their kids cannot come with them. Sorry, I would hate for you not to make it but we just dont have the room. As mentioned above, there are adults that we are not inviting die to space issues and our desire to keep it a small. Not to m ention, "kids dinners" are still $45! You spend that on your kids next mac and cheese or hotdog meal and then get back to me.

#12 If the BMs wear matching shoes, or colored shoes (they dont even have matching dress colors) if they do makeup, hair, nails etc.

#13 renting a car/limo. We are getting married and the having the reception at the same spot. It is an evening ceremony and such and we are staying there the night before. i see no need to get a car, i dont even know what i would do with one....

#14 Seeing my fiance before we take out vows. I want to get pics and stuff out of the way so we can go from the ceremony to the cockktail hour to reception. I dont want to pull people off into rooms and such. I really do not care if his first look at me is up on the altar. come to think of it...i dont even think there is an altar...you know what i mean though.


Hmm.... i have alot of things. Does this make me a bridezilla? Maybe I should care more....

 

[sumbride]

I didn''t care about what the bridesmaids wore so long as it was coordinated... I picked the color and the length, they picked everything else. I also didn''t care about hair or makeup though I did ask them to get it "done" because I wanted them to look "finished".

I didn''t care about the table linens, the place settings or any of that.

I didn''t want favors so we didn''t have them.

Out of town guests got a hotel block, a map, and a goodie bag, but I did NOT arrange transportation. Adults can take care of themselves.

I let my mom have her way with the guest list... it didn''t bother me that it soared because it made her happy (and I wasn''t paying!).

 

[mjso]

I don''t care about:

1) Flowers - I know nothing about them, I''ve never been a girl who likes flowers, as far as I am concerned they just die and are a waste of money, but I assume its a wedding so I''ll have some sort of boquet or something. I''m trying to do a non-floral centerpiece (floating candles with sea glass or some such) because really I don''t get much from flowers.

2) The temperature the day of our ceremony. We''re getting married May 1 on the beach. It could be cold, it could be excessively hot, I don''t really care. Its going to be short, people can deal. They will be allowed to go inside into a temperature controlled room that is a short walk away, directly after the ceremony.

3) If divorced people that I am inviting will be able to control themselves in the prescene of their ex. I don''t care that you decided you needed to have another new wife, as far as I''m concerned the woman that was my aunt for 20something years of my life is coming to my wedding. Grow up and sit on the other side of the room.

That''s about it for now. Really I am OCD about what other people think, so I doubt this list will get much longer, unfortunately I''m more likely to end up on the "things you are obsessed over list"

 

[musey]

Things I''ve given up on caring about:

1. The DJ. As long as he plays what we request and keeps the volume at the level we want, I''ll be happy.

2. Linens. The venue doesn''t have anything that "matches" our color scheme, so I decided to just be over it. I''ll just pick something that doesn''t look too garishly "off"

That''s it. Either the rest I still care about, or never did to begin with so it wouldn''t occur to me

 

[anchor31]

Well, it''s pretty simple. I care about the husband, the ring and the dress (and getting nice vendors within budget)...

The rest... Don''t care.

 

[tberube]

YAY! This is a great opportunity to slough off some items from my brain.

1. favors. I don''t care, nobody else cares, so I''m not having them.
2. the cake. I know what I''d like it to look like, very simple with fresh flowers, but I just don''t see myself going nuts over it.
3. antiquated traditions like the bouquet toss, the garter toss, the father-daughter / mother-son dances (too much crying) and stuff like that. I don''t care either way, so why even bother?
4. the "perfection" of the day. Stuff happens: a misspoken sentence, a rain shower, a dirty dress hem. I have a good sense of humor so I think I''ll be able to shrug off those little things fairly easily.

 

[LegacyGirl]

My SO''s side of the family.

Most of them don''t speak English and in their culture it is expected to have a 10 course meal at your wedding. I just can''t deal with it.

 

[Sabine]

I''ve given up on caring about our Priest. We''re getting married in the church I attended when I was younger, but unfortunately, the Priest who had been there passed away 2 years ago. We were hoping we could get married in the church, but have a Priest from where we live now come and officiate. The new Priest did NOT go for that. We''ve had a few sessions where we''ve tried to get to know this new Priest, but he just lectures us. It would have really been nice to have a personal ceremony given by a Priest we have a personal relationship with, but I''ve accepted that it''s just not possible, and I''m glad the vows themself as well as the building will be meaningful.

 

[zoebartlett]

Oh yeah, we''re not doing the garter thing or the bouquet toss. Are those still done? I haven''t been to a wedding in a long time that included them. I don''t really want to be announced at the start of the reception either but we might be if that''s what the DJ recommends. I don''t care too much about that but I REALLY don''t care to toss my bouquet at others. Besides, I''m the last of my friends to get married so I don''t picture a large group of girls vying for the bouquet.

 

[Courtneylub]

Date: 2/14/2008 8:28:24 PM
Author: ZoeBartlett
Oh yeah, we''re not doing the garter thing or the bouquet toss. Are those still done? I haven''t been to a wedding in a long time that included them. I don''t really want to be announced at the start of the reception either but we might be if that''s what the DJ recommends. I don''t care too much about that but I REALLY don''t care to toss my bouquet at others. Besides, I''m the last of my friends to get married so I don''t picture a large group of girls vying for the bouquet.

I''m thinking of leaving out the garter and bouquet toss also and just doing the anniversary dance. I''m sure all my single girlfriends are sick of being pointed out. I wouldn''t mind the removing of the garter because I think it''s cute, but we probably have to do all or nothing.

I don''t care about:

The venue anymore. I gave in and we''re having it where the FI wants it. It will be beautiful no matter what.

If other people disagree with my tastes. I will listen and be open minded, but if I''m set on something, there''s no changing my mind, so let it go. That means you, Mom and FMIL.

The DJ. As long as he plays what I want and doesn''t play what I don''t want, I''m good. And as long as he doesn''t make announcements in the stripper DJ voice.

Having bridesmaids. I''m so glad I decided not to have any. I love the intimate feel our wedding is going to have with it just being the 2 of us. Same with walking down the aisle. Just me. No having to involve my dad and step dad...who hate each other.

 

[CJ2008]

Oh, after reading some of yours, I have some more!

1. Definitely NOT doing bouquet toss, garter, father-daughter, mother-son, nothing like that. Not sure about being announced...might be fun.
2. I want to walk down the aisle by myself. But my mother keeps asking me (I think she''s guessing that I am so NON-traditional) in a certain you-wouldn''t-dare-not-would-you tone, if my dad is walking me down the aisle. Meanwhile, I think I SO rather not have ANYONE walk me down the aisle. I want to be alone with my thoughts, I think, you know? OR -- I''d rather both my mom and dad walk in front of me...but someone holding my arm while I''m all panicky...no!