This hasn''t been posted in a while, good to look at!

[Smurfysmiles]

Questions To Ask Before Getting Married


Question 1: What percentage of our income are we prepared to spend to purchase and maintain our home on a monthly or annual basis?

Question 2: Who is responsible for keeping our house and yard cared for and organized? Are we different in our needs for cleanliness and organization?

Question 3: How much money do we earn together? Now? In one year? In five years? Ten? Who is responsible for which portion? Now? In one year? Five? Ten?

Question 4: What is our ultimate financial goal regarding annual income, and when do we anticipate achieving it? By what means and through what efforts?

Question 5: What are our categories of expense (rent, clothing, insurance, travel)? How much do we spend monthly, annually, in each category? How much do we want to be able to spend?
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Question 6: How much time will each of us spend at work, and during what hours? Do we begin work early? Will we prefer to work into the evening?

Question 7: If one of us doesn''t want to work, under what circumstances, if any, would that be okay?

Question 8: How ambitious are you? Are we comfortable with the other''s level of ambition?

Question 9: Am I comfortable giving and receiving love sexually? In sex, does my partner feel my love for him or her?

Question 10: Are we satisfied with the frequency of our lovemaking? How do we cope when our desire levels are unmatched? A little? A lot? For a night? A week? A month? A year? More?

Question 11: Do we eat meals together? Which ones? Who is responsible for the food shopping? Who prepares the meals? Who cleans up afterward?

Question 12: Is each of us happy with the other''s approach to health? Does one have habits or tendencies that concern the other (e.g., smoking, excessive dieting, poor diet)?

Question 13: What place does the other''s family play in our family life? How often do we visit or socialize together? If we have out-of-town relatives, will we ask them to visit us for extended periods? How often?

Question 14: If we have children, what kind of relationship do we hope our parents will have with their grandchildren? How much time will they spend together?

Question 15: Will we have children? If so, when? How many? How important is having children to each of us?

Question 16: How will having a child change the way we live now? Will we want to take time off from work, or work a reduced schedule? For how long? Will we need to rethink who is responsible for housekeeping?

Question 17: Are we satisfied with the quality and quantity of friends we currently have? Would we like to be more involved socially? Are we overwhelmed socially and need to cut back on such commitments?

Question 18: What are my partner''s needs for cultivating or maintaining friendships outside our relationship? Is it easy for me to support those needs, or do they bother me in any way?

Question 19: Do we share a religion? Do we belong to a church, synagogue, mosque or temple? More than one? If not, would our relationship benefit from such an affiliation?

Question 20: Does one of us have an individual spiritual practice? Is the practice and the time devoted to it acceptable to the other? Does each partner understand and respect the other''s choices? E-mail to a friend E-mail to a friend

 

[FrekeChild]

You know, I find it funny that so many of those questions don''t apply to us. (Children and religion)

Not to mention that we aren''t in a place where we can talk about how much money we make, because he''s still a grad student and I''m still an undergrad. Granted, we still have, but it''s still odd.

 

[tessari]

Helpful, esp the one about not wanting to work...hehe.


No offense smurfy smiles, but I am so glad you changed your avatar--I am not a feet person!

 

[vita*dolce]

this list is intense!! i''m probably going to make my SO answer all of these questions now

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

Date: 9/11/2008 6:38:11 PM
Author: FrekeChild
You know, I find it funny that so many of those questions don't apply to us. (Children and religion)

Not to mention that we aren't in a place where we can talk about how much money we make, because he's still a grad student and I'm still an undergrad. Granted, we still have, but it's still odd.

The questions about children and religion do apply to you... the answers may be, "we do not want children, and we both do not go to church or want to go to church" but those are still answers that are important to know about each other!

As for being in grad school, you still probably would like to know if your partner plans to work someday or if he has any preconceived notions about what his work schedule/ your work schedule would be like

ETA - or you could switch out child for "golden retriever" and ask who will have to feed and walk the dog

 

[Smurfysmiles]

Lol I''m glad you guys approve of my new avatar
I have talked about a lot of these with SO but the one that is not on there is "What happens if either of us is unable to have children" I haven''t brought that one up with SO but I plan to soon.

 

[trillionaire]

Ugh. we have battled over the last week with #17-18

we never argue, so it's totally out of character for us. I caved. lol.

I got tired of fussing about it, and it was more about principle than trust. I have faith in trust.

call me naive if you want.

 

[dcgator]

Hey Smurfy,

Very interesting questions and I appreciate you re-posting them for all to read. Although I only agreed to it with the notion that we would be moving in together because we were going to get married, my FF and I already bought a house and live together. So, I guess we had to look at most of those questions earlier in the relationship versus before marriage. However, I am happy to say that we already have/currently do take about most of those questions.

In regards to the not having children question, I have acutally already brought that up since my mom has a history of miscarriages, tumors, and other obgyn problems. We are both very excited to have children, but know that if it''s not possible through natural ways, we would adopt, since we really do want children.

I think that is a very valid question, and one that should be added to the list!

 

[dcgator]

Oh, one more very important one to add...

Where will you be living in the future. Are you willing to move to acommodate one person''s job? Would you be willing to move closer to one person''s family in order to have stable family support in child rearing?

 

[Smurfysmiles]

Definitely good questions to add!
This is just a short version i found on about.com

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Those are interesting questions...but I think it is some what unrealistic to ask/answer those and base the direction of your relationship on them...esspecially the ones where you''re required to estimate what the plan will be for the next 5, or even 10 years.

I find that my marriage has grown and changed since the first day we got married. The year of our wedding, I took nearly six months off work to concentrate on our wedding, to get married, and to honeymoon. Our savings, earning, spending ratio was completely different then than it has been this year. While in some ways it could have been nice to sit down with my DH and map everything out...it just doesn''t seem like it would be very practical for us.

Our views on religion are one thing now we can both get behind...but who''s to say someday that wont change, I love my my husband and if he suddenly found God, just because it wasn''t in the plan doesn''t mean I can''t adjust to that...but I certainly can''t predict that now. Or on the number of children we have? What if we never get pregnant? Or what if I do AI and end up like 6 all at once?

I just think that life is full of so many variables and bridges...and half the fun is figuring it out along the way...I don''t think, even if I could, I''d want to know all those answers...I like the surprise of still learning new things about my DH and vice versa. I don''t want to live my life, or set my goals on questions I answered or asked when we were 25 and 28 respectfully. I''m looking forward to loving my husband as we navigate our marriage as it unfolds.

But, thats just my .02

 

[Smurfysmiles]

I think that way too italia although maybe some questions are good to know right away i.e. if they were in a coma for x amount of time would they want you to or not pull the plug you know? i certainly wouldn''t want to have a set amount of kids i want to have they''re all blessings no matter how many i would end up with!