waiting...and waiting...HELP!

[lucy.lucy.80]

It is so nice to find a place where other people have similar issues as myself. I have a similar story as many people in this forum and any advice would be greatly appreciated.

My bf and I have been dating for 6.5 years (we are both in out late 20’s) and over the past year we have seriously discussed marriage. He constantly asks me to move in with him, and I would, but not until we are engaged and he knows that. He has already asked my family for my hand in marriage and told him it would be a couple weeks until he found the right ring….6 months later and still no ring!! When I expressed my concern to him, he said he has looked at a lot of places but has not found the right ring yet. He suggested we go ring shopping together and we did a couple months ago, but I found nothing that I fell in love with and overall the whole experience was a bit awkward. I would rather him pick it out himself himself.

I have started to get a little frustrated and feel he is just using not finding the right ring as an excuse. Between our family and friends everyone has been asking both of us when it is going to happen. I have decided just recently to stop bringing up marriage b/c maybe he is starting to feel too much pressure. Maybe it will happen during the holidays but I am getting tired of waiting and the empty promises.

Any help or insight would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

Well you said you went shopping with him and even you didn’t find anything that set your heart on fire. Perhaps he’s thinking it’s a large investment to make without knowing for sure that you’ll absolutely love the ring.

Have you thought about having a ring custom made? If you designed your own ring, top to bottom, you could incorporate aspects of other rings you may have seen and said, “I like this but I don’t like this part”. If you pool all your likes together you could end up with your perfect ring.

If you wanted to test the waters a bit instead of dropping the topic completely perhaps you could approach your BF and ask how he would feel about meeting with a jeweler to work out a custom setting since neither of you have been able to find anything in the stores that you love.

 

[musey]

Echoing KTF, maybe you''re not shopping in the right places! Where have you been looking? Diamond districts, local jewelers, mall stores, online?

 

[bluebubbles]

I feel for you. I know what you must be feeling and having felt that way before, I''ve learned and read to just not bring up the whole engagement/marriage thing. I''ve had my own hurt and frustration. I wonder, why guys bring up the whole ring shopping business and getting married idea, when they''re not going to own up to what they say. Anyway...my advice to you is what I am doing. Just don''t bring it up anymore. Let him bring it up. My BF doesn''t and didn''t like pressure. All the pressure caused him to retract. So, it might be the same way with your BF. Second, maybe just mention to him that the main thing is that the both of you are getting married and spending the rest of your happy lives together. That''s the most important thing. The ring is just a symbol. Being with him is what you''re more concerned about, not the ring. Suggest that he gets a simple ring for symbolic reasons and proposal formality, but later on search for the "perfect" ring. Don''t let the "perfect" ring prevent your engagement.

Good luck girl! Hoping the very best for you before the year ends.

==> Getting an MBA is easier than getting an MRS.<==

 

[Independent Gal]

Hiya Lucy!

Here's what I would do. Have him choose a beautiful stone and get it set in a plain gold solitaire (which you can get for about $150). Then get engaged. When you find the setting of your dreams, you can transfer the stone.

Problem solved!

Unless that isn't really the problem....

But it might well be. Many guys don't enjoy shopping for these things, so aren't likely to be proactive about it. A while back, my guy was SUPER excited about getting me the matching wedding band for my e-ring at Bulgari, and told me he's already saved up a chunk for it, but when we walked by and I said 'Let's go in and you can see how the different ones look together' he was all 'AWWWWW??? Do we have to?' He's excited about me having beautiful jewelry, he's excited about seeing it on me, but he is definitely NOT excited about having to shop for it. (We decided against springing for the matching band anyway!)

So if he's already asked your parents, you guys might just be drifting along cause he just doesn't want to look anymore. So go on bluenile, whiteflash, james allen, or wherever, choose a fantastic stone and a plain temporary setting, problem solved.

Just a thought!

 

[lucy.lucy.80]

I apologize for bringing back an old topic however I just wanted to thank you for all your advice.

I really appreciate it and took all the advice to heart. I have been searching the internet and found my dream ring on whiteflash.com. I showed it to him this past week and he was soo excited that I found something I really liked. I think the ring is going to be purchased this week so hopefully my wait won''t be much longer

 

[bee*]

that''s great to hear! Hopefully you''ll be engaged soon!

 

[chelleliz]

Yay! Keeping my fingers crossed for you!

 

[anchor31]

Date: 11/19/2007 11:35:53 AM
Author: lucy.lucy.80
I apologize for bringing back an old topic however I just wanted to thank you for all your advice.

I really appreciate it and took all the advice to heart. I have been searching the internet and found my dream ring on whiteflash.com. I showed it to him this past week and he was soo excited that I found something I really liked. I think the ring is going to be purchased this week so hopefully my wait won''t be much longer

That''s wonderful! Would you mind sharing it with us? I''ll keep my fingers crossed for you!

 

[lucy.lucy.80]

sure! this is a picture of the setting and I think were going with about a 1ct ideal cut round diamond.

http://www.whiteflash.com/Engagement-Rings/Styles/Diamond-Settings/The--Legato--with-Micro-Pave_1071.htm