Waiting, Wishing, Hoping, Exhausted

[LESLIE35]

Hey, everyone, I''m new to the board. I need some advice bad. I''m 35 and living with my 24 yr. old boyfriend. Have 2 kids and am very much in Love with him. We have been living together now for little over 2 years. We''ve talked about getting married, but no proposal yet. I''ve gotten my hopes up many, many times, but just let downs so far. How do I deal with the waiting, I''m getting really discouraged. Can anyone help? Please.

 

[sevens one]

Is he the father of the two kids?
Has he ever given any indication that he wanted marriage?

If he doesn't want to get married, what does that mean for you?

 

[LESLIE35]

No I was previously married for 16 years. Yes we've talked about marriage and even looked at rings about 3 weeks ago. But now he says he has to get his finances in order and it may be after Christmas before he does anything. I'm just very frustrated.

 

[sevens one]

And after Christmas then what? Tax time-

My point is- you don't need a fancy ring to get married. Does he want marriage or is he stalling.
And how long are you willing to wait.

 

[LESLIE35]

He says he doesn't want to ask me until he has a ring, because I have told him he doesn't need a ring to ask. I really don't know anymore, he came out of a bad divorce before we started dating, so I think he is still a little scared. I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt.

Thanks for helping.

 

[sevens one]

Good luck Leslie. Things will work out the way they should.

 

[MelissaSue]

To deal with the waiting you can come join us in the Anxious to Get the E-ring thread.. other than that, it doesn't sound like there is much more you can do but wait. You can let him know that it is important to you to be engaged, but you can't push too hard, just gotta let him do it when he wants to. If he's come out of a bad relationship, he may need some time before he's ready to commit again.. best of luck though!

Melissa

 

[Todd07]

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On 10/6/2004 11:30:03 AM LESLIE35 wrote:





He says he doesn't want to ask me until he has a ring, because I have told him he doesn't need a ring to ask. I really don't know anymore, he came out of a bad divorce before we started dating, so I think he is still a little scared. I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt.

Thanks for helping.
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Guy's perspective.

Since you've been living together for 2 yrs, his previous marriage is not the issue. Why don't you help him get clarity on what he wants (not what you want). One option is to see a therapist together. Another option is a deadline. I normally don't like deadlines but 2yrs of living together is enough to make a decision on a relationship.

 

[MrsFrk]

Well, I'm wondering about a few things. Was living together your idea or his? Is he financially okay? How is he with your children? 24 is still fairly young, and while I totally understand your confusion and frustration, he may just not be ready for marriage again. I mean, he was married and divorced before 22...he may want to wait a long time before he marries again.

Considering the situation you guys are in (kids in the picture, you live together already) I think that yours is not a scenario where you can/should just sit back and wait for the on-bended-knee super romantic scenario to play out. You need to have a serious heart-to-heart with him about what your needs and expectations are versus his. You may hear what you need to hear, but maybe not. I think it is better know sooner rather than later. I do so hope that everything works out for you.

 

[LESLIE35]

We had a talk last night and he said if he had the money right then I would already have a ring and we would be married. He really wants this, and I have to believe him. My kids love him to death, they get along very, very well. There 11 and 9, so the living together doesn't bother them. There father is living with a girl also, but they recently got engaged. So again, it's familiar to them. He loves the kids and wants us to have some of our own, "soon", he says. He pretty mature for his age, so that's why I'm still with him, the age difference bothered me at first, thought he was way to young, but after getting to know him, and talking, I realized that it for him, was just a number. Because he doesn't act like he's 24. He acts older than my ex, who is 38.

I feel better after talking with him last night, I just hope the finaces thing doesn't take to long.

 

[LuvthatSparkle]

Just wanted you to know that you're not alone. My boyfriend is 26 and I just turned 36 on Monday, Oct. 4th. We have been dating since Christmas last year but we met last summer. I didn't know how old he was until 2 months after we starting dating. I knew he was younger, but I thought what's 5 years, boy was I wrong! lol. He spent 6 yrs. in the service and he's in college now getting a degree in Accounting. There are no kids in the picture and he's been married once before. Economically we are in different positions, but I know eventually we will be on the same page. Also we are a biracial couple.........can this get stranger! We had the talk about our age difference, I don't look my age and he doesn't look or act his. We love each other very much and we talked about getting engaged which we plan to do next year. In the meantime I keep it movin so no matter what happens I'm still OK. It sounds like your guy is sincere. Don't let fear make your decisions. Relax about it for your own piece of mind, you will know when it's time to throw in the towel.

 

[fancyrock]

just to thru in a different perspective...




I'm younger by 8 years. I'm 34 and he is 42. When i met him, he was set in life, didn't think he NEEDS to have a partner to be happy. He found his own happiness within himself. He has a easy-going-way about him. He has dated many nice girls, but "no click", "no magic". So when i came along, i threw him off of his "plan". I knew from the begining that he would need time to rethink and replan his future. Is it going to be with ME... or not? As our love grew more and more for each other everyday... the answer was clear to him. But, HE has to be the one to come to that conclusion. I didn't want to be the one to push or force him in to a marriage. So, i've too, been waiting patiently for the BIG QUESTION to pop out of his mouth. I think timing is important. If your man is sincere (and he sounds like one), he'll know when to surprise you!

 

[MrsFrk]

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On 10/7/2004 9:42:08 AM LESLIE35 wrote:

We had a talk last night and he said if he had the money right then I would already have a ring and we would be married. He really wants this, and I have to believe him. My kids love him to death, they get along very, very well. There 11 and 9, so the living together doesn't bother them. There father is living with a girl also, but they recently got engaged. So again, it's familiar to them. He loves the kids and wants us to have some of our own, 'soon', he says. He pretty mature for his age, so that's why I'm still with him, the age difference bothered me at first, thought he was way to young, but after getting to know him, and talking, I realized that it for him, was just a number. Because he doesn't act like he's 24. He acts older than my ex, who is 38.


I feel better after talking with him last night, I just hope the finaces thing doesn't take to long.----------------

Oh, I'm so glad you had a talk. Age is absolutely just a number, I've been on my own since I was 14, at 24 I had waaaaaay more life/money/job experience/responsibility than your average 40 year old.