Walking away.

[FrekeChild]

Lol LP. Too true...

 

[Haven]

Date: 4/2/2009 7:25:34 PM
Author: musey

Date: 4/2/2009 5:57:59 PM
Author: Haven
ETA: I think everyone will agree that using a bit of discretion (or, dare I say *prudence*) before posting will quite possibly save you some embarrassment in the long run. I got into a silly tiff with musey a loooong time ago, and for whatever reason I didn''t let it go and we went back and forth for a bit. I was mortified when I re-read the whole thing the next week. Luckily, musey is one classy lady and didn''t hold it against me.

Oh shush, it wasn''t your fault, I was being very stubborn and defensive

I also felt silly about it later.

I heart you, Haven!

Awwwww. I heart YOU, Musey!

 

[Haven]

Oh, and that caterpillar is too cute to eat! But I'll never turn down a slice of pie . . . with ice cream?

 

[princesss]

Date: 4/2/2009 9:15:58 PM
Author: Haven
Oh, and that caterpillar is too cute to eat! But I''ll never turn down a slice of pie . . . with ice cream?

Psh, Ms. Fancy Pants etiquette queen, you should say it the special way. Repeat after me..."Pie a la mode." There we go. That''s better.

Fun thread to read through. And PP, I totally agree. I don''t give advice here that I wouldn''t give to my best friend. And I say it the exact same way.

 

[KimberlyH]

I''m just here for the pie. I''ll take chocolate cream, please.

 

[Haven]

Date: 4/2/2009 9:32:30 PM
Author: princesss

Date: 4/2/2009 9:15:58 PM
Author: Haven

Oh, and that caterpillar is too cute to eat! But I''ll never turn down a slice of pie . . . with ice cream?

Psh, Ms. Fancy Pants etiquette queen, you should say it the special way. Repeat after me...''Pie a la mode.'' There we go. That''s better.

Fun thread to read through. And PP, I totally agree. I don''t give advice here that I wouldn''t give to my best friend. And I say it the exact same way.

AHAAAAAHAAAAHAAA! You are so right, dahling. May I puhlease have a slice of pie a la mode?
Thank you so very much. (Head tilt. Curtsy.)

 

[ilovethiswebsite]

I think at the end of the day we are all different people seeing posts from our own individual viewpoints. Some of us are able to say, "get out" of a relationship much easier than others, based on life experiences and personal growth and maturity. Others are more likely to say, "stay and cope" based on their experiences (I am assuming positive experiences of staying by a partner's side through tough times). One opinion is not necessarily better than another. Moreover, it truly is impossible to give accurate advice based on very small descriptions of the individual's relationships. In the end, people come to this forum for advice, and advice is what they will get. If you are afraid to hear differing opinions, than it's probably not wise to post on a public forum like this. You are essentially setting yourself up for disappointment if you are going to take comments too literally or too personally. While I do agree than some posters can be nastier than others - you have to take their opinions with a grain of salt. At the end of the day - only you know what's best for you. In addition, if you aren't ready to consider different view points, that is your own personal choice and it just means you aren't ready to change or see the light. People can only make changes in their life when THEY are ready - not when everyone else in their life is telling them it's time. I think that is when posters run in to trouble on this forum. Essentially, they want to vent and get advice, but they aren't necessarily ready to hear anything negative because they just aren't "there" or "ready" yet. Change can be very scary for some people!

Also - this reminds me of a very important theory in psychology - the idea of cognitive dissonance. Nobody wants to feel like they are in a relationship that is unhealthy - it just doesn't match up to their behavior of actually being in the relationship. If feels a lot better just to convince yourself your relationship is healthy or OK so you don't have to deal with the disparity between your actions and feelings... It just doesn't feel good. I think this theory can explain a lot of human behavior, especially when it comes to denial that we sometimes observe on this forum.

 

[iluvcarats]

Well now I feel stupid!
You''re all here having pie with ice cream, and I have been on the "To circ or not to circ...that is the question" thread all day.
This thread is by far more appealing!

Can I have some pie?
Pretty please?

 

[ilovesparkles]

Date: 4/2/2009 7:01:14 PM
Author: Pandora II

Date: 4/2/2009 6:50:31 PM

Author: Gypsy

Pandora, I'm sitting here trying to give you the benifit of the doubt and figure out what point your post has, other than to be rude. And honestly? I can't find another reason for it. Which is strange for me, because from our time on BWW together I did not think you the sort to be that way. Are you maybe saying that the highlighted statement wasn't the clearest expression of LIW intent you've seen? Or what? And Fuzzers, what am I missing?

</DI

I just don't get how someone can think that the LIW forum should be only reserved for happy people in secure relationships.


A lot of information about relationships that is shared here has led to people being able to re-evalute their own situations, gain insights and maybe take better decisions in their lives.


Look at some of the girls who have been here in dead-end relationships and have left and then come back sometimes months sometimes years later in a better and happier place - and what a great example that is to people who maybe can't believe that there can be more than one man for them in the world and perhaps taking the same step could make them happier too.


Yes, it's great to read happy, uplifting stories, but this forum is here for everyone to participate in and why should people with doubts or worries be told that they shouldn't be allowed to post.


I'm just horrified that someone should think this is fair or appropriate - it would be like someone on the Preggo thread saying you should only post about how wonderful pregnancy is and please no discussion of miscarriage or anything frightening...

You CLEARLY did not read the rest of my post. This is the exact $hit I cannot stand! I stretch out my neck, brave an opinion, and get yelled at for it. UGH

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 4/2/2009 11:40:35 PM
Author: ilovesparkles

Date: 4/2/2009 7:01:14 PM
Author: Pandora II

Date: 4/2/2009 6:50:31 PM
Author: Gypsy

Pandora, I'm sitting here trying to give you the benifit of the doubt and figure out what point your post has, other than to be rude. And honestly? I can't find another reason for it. Which is strange for me, because from our time on BWW together I did not think you the sort to be that way. Are you maybe saying that the highlighted statement wasn't the clearest expression of LIW intent you've seen? Or what? And Fuzzers, what am I missing?

I just don't get how someone can think that the LIW forum should be only reserved for happy people in secure relationships.

A lot of information about relationships that is shared here has led to people being able to re-evalute their own situations, gain insights and maybe take better decisions in their lives.

Look at some of the girls who have been here in dead-end relationships and have left and then come back sometimes months sometimes years later in a better and happier place - and what a great example that is to people who maybe can't believe that there can be more than one man for them in the world and perhaps taking the same step could make them happier too.

Yes, it's great to read happy, uplifting stories, but this forum is here for everyone to participate in and why should people with doubts or worries be told that they shouldn't be allowed to post.

I'm just horrified that someone should think this is fair or appropriate - it would be like someone on the Preggo thread saying you should only post about how wonderful pregnancy is and please no discussion of miscarriage or anything frightening...

You CLEARLY did not read the rest of my post. This is the exact $hit I cannot stand! I stretch out my neck, brave an opinion, and get yelled at for it. UGH

Whoa there killer! I don't think anyone yelled at you. Just because someone disagrees with you doesn't mean they're yelling at you.

 

[LaraOnline]

Date: 4/2/2009 2:19:16 PM
Author: Gypsy
A lot of people who post on other boards, and who have a lot of good sense and perspective DON'T post here, so the LIW (in my opinion) seem to re-enforce each other's 'trapped in a maze' mindset, instead of being able to help each other out of the labyrinth.

Problem is that for many LIWs, the waiting is, in itself, similar - okay, exactly the same - to being 'trapped in a maze'...

partners are SELF-INTERESTED, that is how human nature works...therefore you shouldn't really be surprised if your man tells you what you think you want to hear / basically acts in the SHORT TERM to achieve HIS OWN goals in life, which may not be compatible with your own needs and longer term goals for life.

That is why older people bang on so much about VALUES. You can't make another person see the value of marriage...but you might be able to make them 'get' that encouraging a person away from their own truths is wrong... or you might be lucky enough to find a person who has similar values to yourself, and inherently strives towards marriage as part of the expression of their own self-interest!

Also,because we are interactive creatures, the writing is rarely 'on the wall', particularly in an intimate relationship. The whole process of interacting is based on co-operating, which scuppers an ability to see past the trivial fact that he made tea and toast for you a couple of hours ago...

throw in a couple of significant life events, such as the opportunity to buy a house... or the bonding aspect of considering your private dreams for a child one day... mix in the sentimentality that romance is based on... and voila! you're stuck!

 

[LaraOnline]

Date: 4/2/2009 11:40:34 PM
Author: iluvcarats
Well now I feel stupid!

You''re all here having pie with ice cream, and I have been on the ''To circ or not to circ...that is the question'' thread all day.

This thread is by far more appealing!


Can I have some pie?

Pretty please?

My poor little boy! I have been staring at his penis all day! (potty training) if only he knew the conversations we were having about the possible pros and cons of cutting some of it off!!
If he gets AIDS I know it''ll be my fault

(mother guilt sneaks in every nook and cranny)

anyway, now I know this has all been an argument, perhaps I won''t trawl back through the thread after all...lol

 

[kama_s]

Date: 4/2/2009 11:34:22 PM
Author: ilovethiswebsite
I think at the end of the day we are all different people seeing posts from our own individual viewpoints. Some of us are able to say, ''get out'' of a relationship much easier than others, based on life experiences and personal growth and maturity. Others are more likely to say, ''stay and cope'' based on their experiences (I am assuming positive experiences of staying by a partner''s side through tough times). One opinion is not necessarily better than another. Moreover, it truly is impossible to give accurate advice based on very small descriptions of the individual''s relationships. In the end, people come to this forum for advice, and advice is what they will get. If you are afraid to hear differing opinions, than it''s probably not wise to post on a public forum like this. You are essentially setting yourself up for disappointment if you are going to take comments too literally or too personally. While I do agree than some posters can be nastier than others - you have to take their opinions with a grain of salt. At the end of the day - only you know what''s best for you. In addition, if you aren''t ready to consider different view points, that is your own personal choice and it just means you aren''t ready to change or see the light. People can only make changes in their life when THEY are ready - not when everyone else in their life is telling them it''s time. I think that is when posters run in to trouble on this forum. Essentially, they want to vent and get advice, but they aren''t necessarily ready to hear anything negative because they just aren''t ''there'' or ''ready'' yet. Change can be very scary for some people!

Also - this reminds me of a very important theory in psychology - the idea of cognitive dissonance. Nobody wants to feel like they are in a relationship that is unhealthy - it just doesn''t match up to their behavior of actually being in the relationship. If feels a lot better just to convince yourself your relationship is healthy or OK so you don''t have to deal with the disparity between your actions and feelings... It just doesn''t feel good. I think this theory can explain a lot of human behavior, especially when it comes to denial that we sometimes observe on this forum.

Indeed. Well said. Especially the last bit on cognitive dissonance.

 

[iluvcarats]

Date: 4/2/2009 11:56:38 PM
Author: LaraOnline

Date: 4/2/2009 11:40:34 PM

Author: iluvcarats

Well now I feel stupid!


You''re all here having pie with ice cream, and I have been on the ''To circ or not to circ...that is the question'' thread all day.


This thread is by far more appealing!



Can I have some pie?


Pretty please?

My poor little boy! I have been staring at his penis all day! (potty training) if only he knew the conversations we were having about the possible pros and cons of cutting some of it off!!

If he gets AIDS I know it''ll be my fault

(mother guilt sneaks in every nook and cranny)


anyway, now I know this has all been an argument, perhaps I won''t trawl back through the thread after all...lol

That thread has remained very civil!
Sorry for the thread jack.
Don''t mind me, I''m just here for the pie

 

[sunnyd]

Is it weird that I have potatoes growing things that look like the caterpillar?!

 

[FrekeChild]

They are probably just the potato plant sunnyd! Are they growing out of the "eyes"?

 

[ladypirate]

Oh no, Sunny! You have the dreaded caterpillar potato!!!

Maybe you could make caterpillar fries with it?

 

[allycat0303]

This was a really good thread. Caterpiller pies and all included. I read through the whole thing mentally preparing a post, but pie has already been served...therefore, discussion is usually over.

But I do want to say...that I never tell a girl to walk away because being in a 14 year relationship, my fiancé has done things in the past (i.e when I was around 22-23 years old) that EVERY lady here on pricescope would have smacked me and said, ''''Oh my gosh. You idiot, LEAVE, LEAVE, LEAVE!!'''', but I hadn''t discovered PS then. So I don''t feel comfortable telling the ladies here to do what I wasn''t able to do at that time. I can''t give advice that I wasn''t strong enough to take myself.

 

[jcarlylew]

Date: 4/3/2009 6:47:16 AM
Author: allycat0303
This was a really good thread. Caterpiller pies and all included. I read through the whole thing mentally preparing a post, but pie has already been served...therefore, discussion is usually over.
...
(edited)
I can''t give advice that I wasn''t strong enough to take myself.

I was thinking the exact same thing! took the words out my mouth (and replaced with with a chocolate cupcake..yummmm)

 

[NakedFinger]

Date: 4/2/2009 6:05:16 PM
Author: BizouMom

Date: 4/2/2009 5:57:52 PM
Author: Gypsy

And what I appreciate about this forum, and I've seen it time and time again in my own life, is that the ladies here WILL tell me things that people in my 'real' life won't. And while it's hard to hear the things said sometimes, I have grown as a person thanks to the support and the criticism I've recieved here.

In my mind, this very thing is the biggest gift this forum has to offer.

Ahmen to that. Anyone ever have a friend that broke up with her bf, and you say bad things about him afterwards, and then they get back together and she hates on you for it? LOL Everyone in the world is always trying to be politically correct and polite. I'm not saying anyone has the right to be mean or verbally abusive in this site, but I relish the opportunity for people to "stop being polite, and start being real " (har har har! lol). Honestly though, sometimes your friend/family have a hard time telling you like it is, in fear of hurting your feelings. This forum provides an outlet to get an honest, and sometimes harsh, dose of reality for someone who can "say it to your face" so to speak.

 

[sunnyd]

Date: 4/3/2009 12:14:40 AM
Author: FrekeChild
They are probably just the potato plant sunnyd! Are they growing out of the ''eyes''?

Yep, it''s an eye disease. It looks so gross, they''re white and purple and green...the taters were good though!

LOL, caterpillar potatoes!

 

[dragonfly411]

Sunny - please remember potatoes are root plants, yours were just trying to grow hehe!!!!


I missed this discussion but wanted to say that there are some cases where walking away is important, and sometimes you DO have to wait and see. I think that many tell a girl to wait because it takes said girl making the decision on her own to walk away. You can lead a horse to water.....

 

[Allison D.]

Date: 4/2/2009 2:16:40 PM
Author: decodelighted

If you haven''t directly experienced an ''easy'', fully mutual loving relationship where both people are on the same page and navigating toward the same harbor -- you don''t know how WORTH waiting for that is. How *anything* less is going to make the rocky, complicated landscape of marriage + life''s epic challenges = impossible.

I''ve decided that I should just shamelessly follow Deco around ditto-ing her threads because she''s COMPLETELY in my head.

The part I highlighted above is the most succinct, accurate, SAGE thing I think I''ve read on PS in years. Deco has managed to sum up in a few lines the feeling I''ve had since I met my husband. I''ve always marveled at how easy our relationship seems to be overall. Sure, we have our random tiffs as does everyone, but those times are relatively isolated compared to the full-on harmony that we typically feel on a day-to-day basis. We approach differences as problems that we can creatively solve together instead of as a battleground.

Before I met Rich, I never knew relationships could be like this. As Deco says, once you find that with the right partner, anything else just isn''t worth the effort, and once you know that from your own experience and you see someone else struggling to make sense of a tough situation, it''s incredibly easy to say "it''s not worth it. Cut bait and find the real deal."

 

[ilovesparkles]

Well I have been hemming and hawing about whether to walk away from this thread or to try and explain myself. In the end, I don''t want people to think I meant what is interpreted by what I said in this thread, because that is not me. I thought about it for a very long time last night, and yes I can admit when I am wrong. So, PSers, I was wrong and the statement I made was rude, poorly worded, and did not convey what I was trying to express. I am sorry for that. I am not going to bother explaining what I was trying to express, unless anyone is actually interested, and I don''t expect anyone is. Afterall, it has turned into pie and potato talk.

 

[ladypirate]

Date: 4/3/2009 1:50:10 PM
Author: ilovesparkles
Well I have been hemming and hawing about whether to walk away from this thread or to try and explain myself. In the end, I don''t want people to think I meant what is interpreted by what I said in this thread, because that is not me. I thought about it for a very long time last night, and yes I can admit when I am wrong. So, PSers, I was wrong and the statement I made was rude, poorly worded, and did not convey what I was trying to express. I am sorry for that. I am not going to bother explaining what I was trying to express, unless anyone is actually interested, and I don''t expect anyone is. Afterall, it has turned into pie and potato talk.

Don''t forget the caterpillar salad!

 

[LaurenThePartier]

Date: 4/3/2009 1:42:11 PM
Author: Allison D.

Date: 4/2/2009 2:16:40 PM
Author: decodelighted

If you haven''t directly experienced an ''easy'', fully mutual loving relationship where both people are on the same page and navigating toward the same harbor -- you don''t know how WORTH waiting for that is. How *anything* less is going to make the rocky, complicated landscape of marriage + life''s epic challenges = impossible.

I''ve decided that I should just shamelessly follow Deco around ditto-ing her threads because she''s COMPLETELY in my head.

The part I highlighted above is the most succinct, accurate, SAGE thing I think I''ve read on PS in years. Deco has managed to sum up in a few lines the feeling I''ve had since I met my husband. I''ve always marveled at how easy our relationship seems to be overall. Sure, we have our random tiffs as does everyone, but those times are relatively isolated compared to the full-on harmony that we typically feel on a day-to-day basis. We approach differences as problems that we can creatively solve together instead of as a battleground.

Before I met Rich, I never knew relationships could be like this. As Deco says, once you find that with the right partner, anything else just isn''t worth the effort, and once you know that from your own experience and you see someone else struggling to make sense of a tough situation, it''s incredibly easy to say ''it''s not worth it. Cut bait and find the real deal.''

Add me to the list of shameless ditto''ers.

 

[dragonfly411]

totally random and off topic but LP your new avatar is my fav

 

[ladypirate]

Aww, thanks dragonfly! It was actually my original avatar--I figured I''d go back to it after the great avatar switch of ''09.

 

[arjunajane]

Date: 4/3/2009 3:13:38 PM
Author: ladypirate
Aww, thanks dragonfly! It was actually my original avatar--I figured I''d go back to it after the great avatar switch of ''09.

Is it from cyanide and happiness LP? I love those things..

 

[ladypirate]

Date: 4/4/2009 1:24:05 AM
Author: arjunajane

Date: 4/3/2009 3:13:38 PM

Author: ladypirate

Aww, thanks dragonfly! It was actually my original avatar--I figured I''d go back to it after the great avatar switch of ''09.

Is it from cyanide and happiness LP? I love those things..

It is! I''m glad someone else recognized it.