Walking away.

[Efe]

Date: 4/2/2009 5:57:52 PM
Author: Gypsy
Day dreamer, I don''t agree with you, but I really respect your well thought out and eloquent post and your opinion.

Haven, I''ve been there too. And afterward people referred to him as a ''cancer'' and what not and I was like???? I was in an agony of indecision for YEARS over this guy WHY didn''t you say anything sooner? God knows I gave you the opportunity to every time I vented, or complained or came for advice! I felt very let down by my loved ones. And it took some pretty bad crap to get me to walk away, and I HONESTLY would have walked away before the sh*t hit the fan, if just one person had taken me aside and told me that I could, and SHOULD not put up him, and that I had a DUTY to myself to walk away. But, no one ever did, until he was gone. But it taught me something. I have to look out for me. And what I appreciate about this forum, and I''ve seen it time and time again in my own life, is that the ladies here WILL tell me things that people in my ''real'' life won''t. And while it''s hard to hear the things said sometimes, I have grown as a person thanks to the support and the criticism I''ve recieved here.

In my mind, this very thing is the biggest gift this forum has to offer.

 

[Haven]

Date: 4/2/2009 6:00:16 PM
Author: decodelighted

Date: 4/2/2009 5:57:59 PM
Author: Haven
There is a difference between being blunt and being offensive or demeaning.

gg--I reported your response to pp in which you called her ''bitter'' and told her to ''get over yourself.'' That post violated etiquette guidelines 4 (personal attack) & 6 (inflammatory and obnoxious behavior,) in my opinion. It sounds like there is a history here that I have no knowledge of, but I that doesn''t make it okay for you to call another poster names.

I tried to find something similarly offensive in pp''s posts, but couldn''t.

SPOT ON!!! I lacked the patience to find the right words -- but know them when I see ''em.

Ooooh, a "ditto" (of sorts) from Deco! I am beyond flattered.

 

[Dreamgirl]

I think there are many others who stir the pot. What did I do other than help defend girlie? I don't have antics. I'm trying to help someone out as others never step up to plate when helping the 'under dog' so yeah, I end up catching all the $hit.

This is exactly what I'm talking about...bad, bad vibes around here anymore...I remember back when everyone was nice and just got along. There were no little snarky comments with thousands pouring in to back up the snarky comments and kick others while they were down, nobody needed to defend anything, we all just got along and were happy.

Maybe some new rules need to be enforced around here or something. Something has to change...

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 4/2/2009 6:08:31 PM
Author: Dreamgirl
I think there are many others who stir the pot. What did I do other than help defend girlie? I don''t have antics. I''m trying to help someone out as others never step up to plate when helping the ''under dog'' so yeah, I end up catching all the $hit.

This is exactly what I''m talking about...bad, bad vibes around here anymore...I remember back when everyone was nice and just got along. There were no little snarky comments with thousands pouring in to back up the snarky comments and kick others while they were down, nobody needed to defend anything, we all just got along and were happy.

Really? Was this before I joined? Cause I''ve never been to the Delusional Echo Chamber. Where has it been all this time? Is it anything like the Room of Requirement in Harry Potter? Does it crop up magically when a poster needs it? Hmm... guess I''ve never needed it then.

 

[Dreamgirl]

You said yourself you don''t come around the LIW board. But the LIW board used to be supportive and friendly. ALWAYS since I''ve been here. But there was a shift where negativity seems to clutter the space now..

 

[girlie-girl]

No Gypsy, you were being judgemental by thinking I was young because of my name and avatar. I don''t post personal details, so what else was it based on?

Haven, there is no history with PP and myself. I just have seen her be rude to so many people that I had to say something. That''s it.

I really don''t want this thread about me as that''s not why I posted here. For those whose eyes and minds are open, they see my point. It''s all good.

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 4/2/2009 6:08:31 PM
Author: Dreamgirl
Maybe some new rules need to be enforced around here or something. Something has to change...

Yes, why don''t you contact the admins & give them a piece of your mind! You should get your money''s worth around here!! Oh wait, how much are you paying again? Never mind.

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 4/2/2009 6:14:53 PM
Author: girlie-girl
No Gypsy, you were being judgemental by thinking I was young because of my name and avatar. I don't post personal details, so what else was it based on

GYPSY never said that! She was *explaining* why others might have thought that since you seemed so oblivious to how it could be construed that way. Guess its easier to jump on people & get defensive instead of re-reading for, um, comprehension.

 

[lindsaylove]

If you look at Gypsy''s post you''ll see that she was explaining how "others" "may incorrectly assume". She wasn''t assuming it herself.

 

[Gypsy]

Thank you very much Deco and Orchid.

 

[bee*]

Date: 4/2/2009 6:14:53 PM
Author: girlie-girl
No Gypsy, you were being judgemental by thinking I was young because of my name and avatar. I don't post personal details, so what else was it based on?

I think that Gypsy was just pointing out how she thinks pp came to think that. Don't think she was being judgemental.

ETA-oops see others posted already while I was making tea!

 

[Shoopy]

Date: 4/2/2009 6:13:45 PM
Author: Dreamgirl
You said yourself you don''t come around the LIW board. But the LIW board used to be supportive and friendly. ALWAYS since I''ve been here. But there was a shift where negativity seems to clutter the space now..

This forum is exactly as it has always been: supportive. What you are trying to create is a board full of people that stroke each other''s ego and never speak from their heart about things the way they perceive the situation to be. That doesn''t help anyone.

You harp on the negativity because of how badly we all made you feel when we tried to give you advice although no one did that intentionally. Now you see it as the board in general being negative which isn''t fair.

 

[Gypsy]

Thank you bee*

And Fiery... EXACTLY. DITTO. As Deco said it, "Delusional Echo Chamber."

And Dream, just because I haven't posted here much doesn't mean I haven't lurked. I have.


Bizou, I agree 100%. That is one of the greatest things about PS.

 

[ChargerGrrl]

Date: 4/2/2009 6:08:31 PM
Author: Dreamgirl

Maybe some new rules need to be enforced around here or something. Something has to change...

I''m having a "Tracy Flick" flashback.

 

[lindsaylove]

Support is a great thing - support isn''t always happy faces and clapping emoties, it is often giving heart felt advice that may be difficult to accept if you aren''t willing to.

 

[October2008bride]

Date: 4/2/2009 6:25:17 PM
Author: ChargerGrrl

Date: 4/2/2009 6:08:31 PM

Author: Dreamgirl


Maybe some new rules need to be enforced around here or something. Something has to change...

I'm having a 'Tracy Flick' flashback.

Tracy Flick. Hilarious.

 

[ChargerGrrl]

Date: 4/2/2009 6:22:26 PM
Author: fieryred33143

Date: 4/2/2009 6:13:45 PM

Author: Dreamgirl

You said yourself you don''t come around the LIW board. But the LIW board used to be supportive and friendly. ALWAYS since I''ve been here. But there was a shift where negativity seems to clutter the space now..

This forum is exactly as it has always been: supportive. What you are trying to create is a board full of people that stroke each other''s ego and never speak from their heart about things the way they perceive the situation to be. That doesn''t help anyone.

You harp on the negativity because of how badly we all made you feel when we tried to give you advice although no one did that intentionally. Now you see it as the board in general being negative which isn''t fair.

Fiery, you''re going to be one smart mama! Lucky baby!

 

[bee*]

Date: 4/2/2009 6:26:10 PM
Author: Orchid14
Support is a great thing - support isn''t always happy faces and clapping emoties, it is often giving heart felt advice that may be difficult to accept if you aren''t willing to.

ditto. I''m sick of everything being called negative unless you pat each other on the back. Support means different things to different people and just because someone disagrees with you does not mean that they''re being mean/unsupportive. Quite a few of us here would rather have the truth be told to us if we''re being out of line, then have people just say we''re great.

 

[Dreamgirl]

Ok then. I''m wrong. Point made.

 

[Pandora II]

Date: 4/2/2009 5:56:23 PM
Author: ilovesparkles
THANK YOU HAVEN! Amen!

Girlie and Freke, once upon a time, I was in a bad relationship. And people were giving me advice. And I asked one of those naive questions young girls sometimes do, and it was at this point in time, that some one decided to make fun of my name. Seriously?! First of all, its a diamond forum, all of us here like sparkly things. And second, kick me while I''m down why don''t ya!

I am so sick and tired of the rude cruelty around here. On the other hand, I am also perturbed at the number of posts that are depressing, sad, and turn into therapy sessions. Now I have held back on this comment because 3 years ago, I was that poster. But so help me *** I never will be again. The purpose of this forum is for happy LIW, not people that need couples therapy.

There, I said my peace, now I shall return to looking at of erings!

WTF???

 

[fuzzers]

Date: 4/2/2009 6:45:10 PM
Author: Pandora II

Date: 4/2/2009 5:56:23 PM
Author: ilovesparkles
THANK YOU HAVEN! Amen!

Girlie and Freke, once upon a time, I was in a bad relationship. And people were giving me advice. And I asked one of those naive questions young girls sometimes do, and it was at this point in time, that some one decided to make fun of my name. Seriously?! First of all, its a diamond forum, all of us here like sparkly things. And second, kick me while I''m down why don''t ya!

I am so sick and tired of the rude cruelty around here. On the other hand, I am also perturbed at the number of posts that are depressing, sad, and turn into therapy sessions. Now I have held back on this comment because 3 years ago, I was that poster. But so help me *** I never will be again. The purpose of this forum is for happy LIW, not people that need couples therapy.

There, I said my peace, now I shall return to looking at of erings!

WTF???

I''m glad I''m not the only one who caught this.

 

[Gypsy]

Pandora, I'm sitting here trying to give you the benifit of the doubt and figure out what point your post has, other than to be rude. And honestly? I can't find another reason for it. Which is strange for me, because from our time on BWW together I did not think you the sort to be that way. Are you maybe saying that the highlighted statement wasn't the clearest expression of LIW intent you've seen? Or what? And Fuzzers, what am I missing?

 

[LtlFirecracker]

edited

 

[Pandora II]

Date: 4/2/2009 6:50:31 PM
Author: Gypsy
Pandora, I''m sitting here trying to give you the benifit of the doubt and figure out what point your post has, other than to be rude. And honestly? I can''t find another reason for it. Which is strange for me, because from our time on BWW together I did not think you the sort to be that way. Are you maybe saying that the highlighted statement wasn''t the clearest expression of LIW intent you''ve seen? Or what? And Fuzzers, what am I missing?

Gypsy, I am totally with you on everything you are saying.

I just don''t get how someone can think that the LIW forum should be only reserved for happy people in secure relationships.

A lot of information about relationships that is shared here has led to people being able to re-evalute their own situations, gain insights and maybe take better decisions in their lives.

Look at some of the girls who have been here in dead-end relationships and have left and then come back sometimes months sometimes years later in a better and happier place - and what a great example that is to people who maybe can''t believe that there can be more than one man for them in the world and perhaps taking the same step could make them happier too.

Yes, it''s great to read happy, uplifting stories, but this forum is here for everyone to participate in and why should people with doubts or worries be told that they shouldn''t be allowed to post.

I''m just horrified that someone should think this is fair or appropriate - it would be like someone on the Preggo thread saying you should only post about how wonderful pregnancy is and please no discussion of miscarriage or anything frightening...

 

[Bia]

Gypsy, I'm glad you started this thread. Speaking as a former LIW, I've learned if you're going to participate on PS you have to be able to listen carefully (at times I, too, felt indirectly attacked). I don't think there is one person here that intentionally tries to hurt anyone else. BUT there are a lot of members that are not afraid to be completely honest. And let's face it, sometimes the truth hurts. I try very hard to be careful that my comments don't hurt another poster, but if that member is asking me, or anyone really, they should be open to hearing ALL sides...if they can't handle it, then they shouldn't ask. It's that simple. In fact, that should be the # 2 PS commandment after "Be respectful of one another."

I don't feel there is a negative vibe on LIW. If I did, I wouldn't spend the majority of my PS time here. Because I was a LIW, I can remember feeling anxious, and yes, even depressed at times. I asked for advice and I am thankful that I received the input I did because it helped me tremendously. Words from the 'sweeter' posters made me feel better (like a soothing cup of tea when you're sick), BUT the advice from the more 'no-frills' posters helped me even more because they helped me see that I am accountable for the things I choose to do, and how those choices will impact my relationship. I needed that insight.

I think some of the current LIW, some more specifically than others, are having a very hard time right now with their SOs. They might do themselves a great service by listening with open ears (and hearts), and heeding some of the advice given because it could be the best thing that ever happened to them.

 

[purrfectpear]

One thing I think we can all agree on is that we

the happy endings and thrill to the joyous engagements. Gwen and J are just a recent example of a LIW story that grew patiently and blossomed into a new beginning.

It''s just that it''s so sad to see the lack of progress in a relationship that isn''t growing, and is based on lies and manipulations with the resulting pain to the LIW. Some of us may point that out with more tact or diplomacy, but I believe that all of us point it out with the same hopeful intent that we would give to a sister, a best friend, or a close acquaintance.

I''ve never seen anyone on PS who took any pleasure in pointing out that someone''s pain was fun. If someone has a big ''ol run in their pantyhose, a friend points it out before they go into their job interview

If there''s a caterpillar in their salad, a friend points it out before the fork goes in their mouth.

 

[Gypsy]

See Pandora

I KNEW I was missing something. I agree with you, and I think maybe the statement was not as well stated as it could be.

Bia, you post is wonderful. Just wonderful. I''m so happy for you and for PS that you are a part of it, and that it''s had a positive influence in your life too.

 

[FrekeChild]

Date: 4/2/2009 6:13:45 PM
Author: Dreamgirl
You said yourself you don''t come around the LIW board. But the LIW board used to be supportive and friendly. ALWAYS since I''ve been here. But there was a shift where negativity seems to clutter the space now..

Disagreeing with someone or being honest with someone is NOT negativity.

 

[ladypirate]

Date: 4/2/2009 7:06:52 PM
Author: purrfectpear
One thing I think we can all agree on is that we

the happy endings and thrill to the joyous engagements. Gwen and J are just a recent example of a LIW story that grew patiently and blossomed into a new beginning.

It's just that it's so sad to see the lack of progress in a relationship that isn't growing, and is based on lies and manipulations with the resulting pain to the LIW. Some of us may point that out with more tact or diplomacy, but I believe that all of us point it out with the same hopeful intent that we would give to a sister, a best friend, or a close acquaintance.

I've never seen anyone on PS who took any pleasure in pointing out that someone's pain was fun. If someone has a big 'ol run in their pantyhose, a friend points it out before they go into their job interview

If there's a caterpillar in their salad, a friend points it out before the fork goes in their mouth.

Unless it's a caterpillar salad! Nom nom nom.

Wait, what?

 

[Lauren8211]

Date: 4/2/2009 7:13:52 PM
Author: ladypirate

Date: 4/2/2009 7:06:52 PM

Author: purrfectpear

One thing I think we can all agree on is that we

the happy endings and thrill to the joyous engagements. Gwen and J are just a recent example of a LIW story that grew patiently and blossomed into a new beginning.

It''s just that it''s so sad to see the lack of progress in a relationship that isn''t growing, and is based on lies and manipulations with the resulting pain to the LIW. Some of us may point that out with more tact or diplomacy, but I believe that all of us point it out with the same hopeful intent that we would give to a sister, a best friend, or a close acquaintance.


I''ve never seen anyone on PS who took any pleasure in pointing out that someone''s pain was fun. If someone has a big ''ol run in their pantyhose, a friend points it out before they go into their job interview

If there''s a caterpillar in their salad, a friend points it out before the fork goes in their mouth.

Unless it''s a caterpillar salad! Nom nom nom.


Wait, what?