Wanting but Waiting...

[aviastar]

Well, I've finally found a stone mason who was willing to actually call me back! There's good news and bad news; good news? It can be patched, but it won't solve any problems. Bad news? ALL the chinking should be gutted, spray insulated, and then re-chinked. Womp, Womp.

We really should do it the right way, it will a) actually solve the problem for at least 50 more years, b) add a layer of insulation the room could truly use, and c) greatly deter the mice and stink bugs we struggle with. The basement could be spray foam-ed, too at the same time which would almost double B & C.

More good news; the most expensive part of the process is demolishing the existing chinking and we can do that part ourselves! You can't do the stone work until it's consistently over 60 degrees anyway, so we have some time, but doing that step ourselves will save us thousands. So. That's what we are going to do.

And we're not pushing back the TTC timeline, either, since doing the demo ourselves preserves our baby savings account. Yea for big construction projects that HAVE to be finished before a baby arrives, right Stacey?!?!

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

And we're not pushing back the TTC timeline, either, since doing the demo ourselves preserves our baby savings account. Yea for big construction projects that HAVE to be finished before a baby arrives, right Stacy?!?!

SOOO right! I was just pestering DH about the upstairs bathroom last night lol...I mean, I love many thing about our house. Have no bathtub is not one of them. DH has been really busy with his parents bathroom (he works with his dad and if they're slow, he puts DH to work on their house..ugh!), but that will be finished soon so we can attack our house! I have totally threatened moving back in with my parents if we don't have a bathtub by the time a baby comes..he doesn't believe me but my Mom thinks its a terrific idea lmao...what can I say, she wants grandbabies!! At this point though, we are stalled out on the house reno front. DH has been working his butt off at work and he doesn't always feel up to working on our house. I do get it, but I'm also tired of not seeing any sort of progress. I offered up all of my assiatnce with everything that needs to be done and he basically laughed at me and told me that I would probably make more work for him ( its true!). I'm putting my foot down this week though! We WILL start doing some stuff. Scheesh!

Oh and I just started going to this awesome yoga class about 10 minutes from my house. $5 a class and it's really fun and relaxing, but you feel the workout too. I can't wait to go again (Wednesday!). I was supposed to go on Saturday to the 9am class, but when my alarm went off, DH turned over and snuggled up and I fell back to sleep. Scheesh.

 

[megumic]

Ok. I'm ready to be pregnant again. I know, I know, LO is only 6.5 months old, but still. I'm ready. No, seriously. Unfortunately that's not in the cards for the moment.

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

Ok. I'm ready to be pregnant again. I know, I know, LO is only 6.5 months old, but still. I'm ready. No, seriously. Unfortunately that's not in the cards for the moment.

At least you know you're ready! When do you think it'll be possible to start ttc again?

 

[amc80]

Ok. I'm ready to be pregnant again. I know, I know, LO is only 6.5 months old, but still. I'm ready. No, seriously. Unfortunately that's not in the cards for the moment.

Really? That's nuts. Wait until November and be my preggo buddy again

 

[pancake]

Meg, you're not the only one. I don't care much for being pregnant, but I am just CLUCK CLUCK CLUCK CLUCKY. S is 12 months now so it wouldn't be insane to TTC, but I've just started a PhD and I want to be a minimum of 18 months in when we have our next baby. So it looks like we will start TTC at the end of this year...sigh. WBW.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

So great to see other WBW TTCers for #2! I feel like the considerations are so much different this time around. Meg, I don't think it's crazy to be ready when your first is only 6 months. I was ready to TTC again immediately after having K, it's only recently that I've been wanting to hold off a bit. And Pancake, I completely understand taking your career into account. I feel like my career has been on hold and I know that will continue when I have another.

We're still looking at May as the month to start trying. Two of the moms in my mom group are going to start trying again in the fall. We all got pregnant in May/June of 2011 and we agreed that spending the summer feeling nauseous wasn't much fun--the other two have decided to enjoy this summer now that our kids can toddle around and enjoy the beach, so they're targeting September. I can completely understand their reasoning and may decide to do the same. We'll just play it by ear.

 

[mayerling]

I want another as I don't want N to be an only child (I was an only child and hated it), but I've had and am still having such a difficult time that, at the moment, I don't want to TTC for another 3 years at least.

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

For those wbw second baby ladies; what is the 'normal' time to wait to start ttc for baby #2? We also want at least 2 (another only child and hated it here), but I worry about being 30 when we start ttc for baby #1 and not having the baby until I'm 31 (depending on when I get pregnant). I know with my age we won't want to wait too long between them, but what would be a good time frame? I'm trying to map everything out in my head.

 

[monkeyprincess]

Megumic, not crazy at all! My little guy is only 4.5 months old, and I'm already insanely broody! Our situation is a little different because we needed fertility help last time around, so I feel like it puts a little extra pressure on me to start trying earlier than I otherwise would. At the same time, I want to make sure I soak up every day with little Ev and not feel like I miss out on his babyhood/toddlerhood.

Stacy, I had my first just after I turned 32. That is definitely playing into my desire to have another one before too long. I think I read that ideally you would give your body 18 months between pregnancies, but we will be trying for another one much sooner. Possibly when this little guy is 9 months or so.

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

Megumic, not crazy at all! My little guy is only 4.5 months old, and I'm already insanely broody! Our situation is a little different because we needed fertility help last time around, so I feel like it puts a little extra pressure on me to start trying earlier than I otherwise would. At the same time, I want to make sure I soak up every day with little Ev and not feel like I miss out on his babyhood/toddlerhood.

Stacy, I had my first just after I turned 32. That is definitely playing into my desire to have another one before too long. I think I read that ideally you would give your body 18 months between pregnancies, but we will be trying for another one much sooner. Possibly when this little guy is 9 months or so.

Thanks, MP. DH and I were talking about it and we were thinking 12-18 months before ttc for #2, so that sounds 'normal'. Will you be doing fertility treatments again? If you don't mind my asking, what treatments did you use and how long did you ttc before getting pregnant with Ev?

 

[mayerling]

For those wbw second baby ladies; what is the 'normal' time to wait to start ttc for baby #2? We also want at least 2 (another only child and hated it here), but I worry about being 30 when we start ttc for baby #1 and not having the baby until I'm 31 (depending on when I get pregnant). I know with my age we won't want to wait too long between them, but what would be a good time frame? I'm trying to map everything out in my head.

Stacy, that's my case exactly. Pregnant at 30, had the baby a few months shy of 31. Before having this one, I wanted to have both by 35 but I couldn't face that now.

 

[monkeyprincess]

Stacy, I don't know that there is any "normal" time to wait in between kids. However, most of the people I know have their kids spread 2-3 years apart.

As for your question, I don't mind you asking at all as I have overshared about our fertility experiences on here for the past couple years. We started TTC in March 2011. By September 2011, I knew something wasn't right because I was tracking my cycle and we had perfect timing each cycle, so I talked to my doctor. I had some blood tests done and an HCG and my husband had a semen analysis. Everything was pretty much normal or borderline normal, and we never pinpointed exactly what the issue was. We tried clomid for two cycles, and ultrasounds showed I had several follicles, but still nothing. Ultimately, I got pregnant in January 2012 on our first cycle doing an IUI (artificial insemination) along with clomid and an HCG trigger shot. We are going to try again for awhile on our own, but if I'm not pregnant after 4-6 months or so, I think I will go back to the same nurse practitioner and try an IUI again.

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

For those wbw second baby ladies; what is the 'normal' time to wait to start ttc for baby #2? We also want at least 2 (another only child and hated it here), but I worry about being 30 when we start ttc for baby #1 and not having the baby until I'm 31 (depending on when I get pregnant). I know with my age we won't want to wait too long between them, but what would be a good time frame? I'm trying to map everything out in my head.

Stacy, that's my case exactly. Pregnant at 30, had the baby a few months shy of 31. Before having this one, I wanted to have both by 35 but I couldn't face that now.

Unless I were to get pregnant rightnow I will be 31 when I have our first. I also think we want to do 2 before 35, but maybe I will change my mind like you have.

Stacy, I don't know that there is any "normal" time to wait in between kids. However, most of the people I know have their kids spread 2-3 years apart.

As for your question, I don't mind you asking at all as I have overshared about our fertility experiences on here for the past couple years. We started TTC in March 2011. By September 2011, I knew something wasn't right because I was tracking my cycle and we had perfect timing each cycle, so I talked to my doctor. I had some blood tests done and an HCG and my husband had a semen analysis. Everything was pretty much normal or borderline normal, and we never pinpointed exactly what the issue was. We tried clomid for two cycles, and ultrasounds showed I had several follicles, but still nothing. Ultimately, I got pregnant in January 2012 on our first cycle doing an IUI (artificial insemination) along with clomid and an HCG trigger shot. We are going to try again for awhile on our own, but if I'm not pregnant after 4-6 months or so, I think I will go back to the same nurse practitioner and try an IUI again.

Thanks, MP! I'm glad you've had luck with IUI! I actually looked into this in the past, just to educate myself on the process. It seems like the least crazy option, to me. Hopefully baby #2 will be easily conceived and there won't be any worries or stress.

 

[aviastar]

Wowza, lovely little explosion of activity over here!

I'm in the same boat with everyone else- turned 30 last month, going to start TTC next month, so I'll be walking the 30/31 one when bebe makes an entrance if we get KU right away. We'll be squarely 31 if it takes some time.

For us, a lot of going to depend on our house situation for #2. Our little fixer upper is only one bedroom right now; there are plans for an addition, but that's quite a ways away. If we can maximize space well or get the addition going sooner rather than later we can have two kids sooner rather than later. We'll just have to see.

But I do want more than one. Heck, I'd like to have 3 or 4. I'm the oldest of four and I just love the house full of people and activity. DH wants to start with 2 and re-evaluate But in any case, there won't be too much time to wait in between sibs. I am trying not to get attached to any sort of plan, cause you know how it goes with mice and men...

 

[amc80]

For those wbw second baby ladies; what is the 'normal' time to wait to start ttc for baby #2? We also want at least 2 (another only child and hated it here), but I worry about being 30 when we start ttc for baby #1 and not having the baby until I'm 31 (depending on when I get pregnant). I know with my age we won't want to wait too long between them, but what would be a good time frame? I'm trying to map everything out in my head.

I was 32 with baby #1, and will be 34 with (planned) baby #2. We want 3 or 4 (as of now), so I'll definitely be over 35 with at least one kid. Our first two will be 2 years apart and if we have more we will space them a bit closer together.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Stacy, my first thought was the same as MP's--that there is no perfect time. I tend to be a serious over-planner. I wanted to be married at 26, start having kids at 28 and have 2 or 3 kids before age 35. We ended up pushing back our kids timeline from 28 to 30 (I'm glad we did) and like Mayerling, we had our baby when I was a few months shy of 31.

We are doing the usual 2 - 3 years between kids. That's part of the reason May is our "go" date (K would be 2 when the next is born). I've asked everybody about gaps in age--friends, family, coworkers, random people in the grocery store--plus I've read a lot of articles about spacing kids. The thing is, there are advantages and disadvantages to any age gap, so it's really just about when you feel ready.

I'm a big advocate of tracking ovulation before TTC (again with the over-planning). The thing is, like MP, everybody I know who's had fertility problems fall into the "unexplained" bucket as they ovulate regularly, have normal progesterone levels, etc., so tracking your ovulation doesn't guarantee anything, but if my reasoning was that if I did have problems ovulating, I wanted to know.

 

[amc80]

I wanted to add that part of the reason we are waiting 2 years is because of day care. We can't afford two kids in daycare (plus neither of us love the idea of daycare anyway). DH is planning a career change that would happen right around when baby #2 would be born. If daycare weren't an issue, we'd probably have them closer together.

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

I have to say, it's nice being in the company of 'older' women who are trying/want to start trying for babies! I feel so behind and every single women in my family, aside from one cousin, already has at least one and up to three kids. And SIL is 2 years younger and has 2.

I think DH and I will have one and assess if we want to start trying at 18 months to 2 years after, just based on this convo with you lovelies. At this point, that seems like the most realistic way for us to not have to rush and still have them grow up semi-close. Also, I think with 2 little ones, I won't want to work at all and I think daycare would just be outrageous if we went that route. This allows us to save up more, so I can take a few years off. I've always wanted to be a SAHM, but I feel like I may want to work pt after baby #1 is at least 6 months old to get myself out of the house.

I am definitely tracking and that one little thing makes me feel more control over the situation. I have always felt we'd struggle to get pregnant (for some weird reason!), so this is a precaution to fully arm myself with information.

 

[aviastar]

Yea...in my larger circle of friends and aquaintances- which honestly I am still only in touch with because of Facebook- it feels like I am in the minority. Many are on to their seconds, including my own baby sister! I don't even want to talk about my church gals
; some of them are up to 5!

But in reality, amongst my real circle of real friends I actually keep up with, I'll be one of the first. I have two sisters, one with two kids and one with none yet, and I am auntie to two girlfriend's babies. Honestly, we're still going to weddings...

Between the two sides of our family we have cousins and siblings anywhere from childless by choice all the way up to 5 kids, so we don't get a lot of pressure from anyone but my own mother and she's mostly kidding. Mostly.

 

[PilsnPinkysMom]

AMC, MP, Megumic, NEL, & Pancake, just wanted to add that I'm feelin' it, too. I don't know why, as Eloise isn't even sleeping through the night yet, but I love her so much and somewhat miss pregnancy... and just want to do it all again!

I sometimes fantasize that I could be re-pregnant with Ellie, knowing it was her. Does that make sense? Now that I know how much I adore the girl, it would be great to relive her pregnancy.

DH wants to wait 'til she's 4 or 5, so seems like I'll be WBW for a while... though I think I can shave a few years off of his timeline

My deep, dark secret is that we're not using BC now, and I'm not charting. I haven't had a cycle yet, and I'm also on Domperidone which can stall the return of my fertility, but I secretly wish I'd get pregnant again. I know that DH has to recognize the risk we take each time we BD, but perhaps he's in denial.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

PnPsmom, what you said about wishing you could re-live everything with E is exactly how I feel. When K turned 1, I started really reflecting on how fast this past year has gone and how I wish I could re-live those "first" moments with K. If I could do it all over again with K, I would do it in a heartbeat. But having another and not knowing the outcome is honestly a little scary. What if I have another and don't feel the same bond? What if our next is a high-needs baby and I don't know how to handle it because K was such an easy newborn? How am I going to handle not being able to devote as much attention to K--she's my whole world right now. I definitely wish I could go back and re-live my pregnancy with K...I was so nervous about having a baby in our lives, but now I find that laughable.

We aren't being hyper-diligent about protection, either, but I do use OPKs and have a regular cycle, so it's easier to avoid certain times. Still, I find it a little odd since were more uptight in the past. You guys will work out the timing--I can see the advantage of waiting several years between kids. I have a feeling your DH will probably be ready to go for it sooner rather than later. Even though my DH is terrified of small babies, I think he longs for another as he sees K grow up.

 

[aviastar]

I am officially starting my LAST pack of BC today, so let the countdown begin!

And I don't know if it's baby fever, cabin fever, or just plain crazy, but I am in the worst grumpy funk lately! I am so frustrated by waiting; waiting to TTC, waiting for the weather so I can get into the garden, waiting for temps to go up so I can work on my house, always waiting on my DH to get home from practice (I know he tries not to let it take over, but seriously...lacrosse steals my husband every spring), waiting, waiting, waiting...it's like a hamster wheel of death.

I need something small, a project, something creative, that's not dependent on a ton of money or weather, or other people; any suggestions to help me get through March?

 

[pancake]

Stacy - personally I think it's a bit premature to worry about how you'll "fit" 3 kids in when you're only 30! From my perspective, I am now 33, my daughter is 12 months old, and I would love 3 kids, maybe even 4, but realistically 3. We are talking about TTC starting at the end of this year/early next year, and I think that that's a realistic timeline taking into account our desire for another after that. I always thought I wouldn't want to still be having kids once nearing 40 but now I think that finishing up my family (ie having my last baby) in my late 30s will be fine, which gives me a good 5-7 years to figure it out

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

Ok, what is BD? I know it stands for getting fresh (ha! that's what we say in my house!), but what is BD?

Avia, I am right there with you on being super annoyed with waiting! Waiting to ttc, waiting for house projects to get finished (bathroom, front room...I'm not even thinking about the kitchen or downstairs bath because they seem so far out of reach), waiting to get my garden going..ugh!

In my real life, I will be one of the last to have babies. My wedding party ladies only had myself and one of my MOH's who do not have any kiddos. And there were 3 who weren't married, including myself. Only one person in my wedding party was did not have kids and is/was not engaged, which was my MOH. I feel like she and I are closest to getting started on that stuff together, but she is in school so babies and marriage seem to be a distant (2-3) future thing. I had 7 ladies in my wedding.

Pancake, I think that once we have our first, I'll worry a lot less. At this point though I know I am just in panic mode, simply because we're in the unknown. We don't know if we will get pregnant right away or have struggles. As soon as we get pregnant with our first I KNOW I will be less worried about time frames and all that. We're still NTNP at this point, but we use birth control about 1 in 5 times that we are fresh (Ha! or bd, whatever that means!). We've actually had a spike in that at our house, which is extra fabulous, because I'm not as stessed Gotta love it!

 

[Elmorton]

Hi all, wow, I can't believe how this thread has boomed! I hope it's okay to post here about this rather than start a new thread..I figure others might be having similar debates about the less romantic/more pragmatic details about when it's the right time to ttc, and so this may be the right place..

DH and I have been wanting but waiting for about a year now...we have always known that we want to be parents, but the thought was terrifying. Then a bunch of stuff happened - DH got a different job with a significant raise (and paid paternity leave), hours that are more like mine, our friends started having kids, we had our 5 year anniversary and DH turned 30 (my 30th is in a couple of months), and all of a sudden, having a baby started becoming a priority. Currently, DH is a little more nervous (excited, but nervous) and I've had this "I just want to be pregnant" feeling starting to kick in - strong.

So, we have a vacation to Italy and France coming up in May. While we are hoping it is not a once in a lifetime trip, we have planned it like it is...we know that we will be spending vacation time and money with different priorities when we have a little one, and this is the last thing that we had on our list of things we wanted to accomplish before having kids. We do not have flexible vacation -- basically, this trip has to happen - no delaying it. Originally, our plan was to start ttc on vacation/right before. But then when I had my yearly with my doctor, she said we should start trying after my bc pack is done in March. Her rationale is that I'm 30, overweight, and that it may take a few tries after coming off bc to get pregnant.

We have used FAM before (almost 2 years) to prevent, so I am planning on ending BC at the end of this month and starting to chart on my next cycle. I never had irregular charts and had a consistent 29-32 day cycle. I was 25-26 when we charted, so it has been awhile and I realize that my body may have changed in that time.

One more factor - I do not want to be ttc after August. I am a one person department at a college, and I work with students with disabilities. When my predecessor left it was mid-semester and then I wasn't hired until 2 months into the semester following. It was a disaster - students really got lost in the shuffle/transition, and I'm just not willing to do that to students again (and to myself, frankly...I can't imagine what it would be like to come back from leave if I wasn't there for the start of the semester in the fall).

So here's my dilemma:

1) We could start trying at the end of March. If we got pregnant the first try, the timing with work would be pretty ideal (though DH was concerned about having a due date so close to Xmas since that would be lame for a kid). However, I'd be 9-11 weeks preggo in Italy. I hear that's not fun and a DH was concerned about what would happen if I needed attention from a doctor while abroad. I have been trying to lose weight, and have shed a few pounds, but clearly this is a lot less time I have to work on that.

2) We could start trying in April. From what I figure, If we got pregnant on the first try, I would be 5-7 weeks in Italy. Gives another month for weight loss, but I'm still curious if I will be starting to feel tired or nauseated on the trip.

3) We could start trying on our trip. I'm just concerned with stress and time change, it's not going to happen on vacation. But if it doesn't happen, we only have 3 more tries before August (ttc would pause until January).

I just want to jump in - I feel so ready! And I keep telling myself that it probably won't happen on the first round. But after using FAM, my 32yo bestie got pregnant on the second try and another friend on the first. So I feel like it's not as remote of a possibility as my doc seemed to think it is. And I don't want to be exhausted or feeling ill in Italy. Aughhh! Would love some insight for anyone who is willing to share their thoughts.

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

Avia - I totally forgot to post this but, YAY for last pack of BCP!!!! Get ready to start baby making asap!

Elmorton - Phew, it sounds like a LOT of positive things are happening for you and your DH! Congrats on getting super close to starting to ttc! What an exciting time with this, losing weight AND going on a fabulous vacation! My first thought would be to start ttc immediately, IF that is what your doctor advises. You could be lucky to get pregnant asap and while that might make travel a little uncomfortable, it would also be a fabulous surprise right within your time frame. I would totally take the advice of my doctor over anyone else, since she knows you and your body and if she is worrying about age/weight being a factor in your ttc, I would heed her advice. If you do end up not being able to get pregnant before August, when will you want to start ttc?

You mention friends who have ttc using the charting method and became pregnant pretty quickly. Were they the same age/weight range as yourself?

I also get those pangs of 'damn it, I want to be pregnant NOW', so I totally understand the urges and wish you the best of luck in ttc and getting pregnant asap!!

 

[Elmorton]

Stacy, Yupp - first friend is pretty similar to me, and second is in much better shape (marathoner). When I think about it, no one in my crowd (sample size of 5) took more than 2 tries (not all were charting) so I feel oddly convinced that it will happen quickly for us, too. Clearly, my friends aren't an indicator of how my body works, but in the back of my mind, I feel like erring on the side of fertility instead on infertility.

My doc (gp) and I don't always see eye to eye, and she basically said I could always postpone my trip -uh, no! She is not big on FAM and acted like the chances of getting pregnant are slim for everyone, everywhere...and I think the I'd rather look at numbers of people who know when they ovulating getting pregnant vs people who go calendar/based on 28 day cycle vs people who aren't trying to prevent rather than lump all of those together and call that the odds. It just seems like basic science...and I was miffed by my doc shrugging it off.

 

[aviastar]

Stacy, BD is Baby Dance, I think. And DTD is Do the Deed.

What are you working on in your garden this year? How much land do you have? We've got just over 3 acres; my philosophy is going to be to start at the house and work my way out! I'm starting bulbs (crocus, daffodil, gladiolus, and dalhila), roses (five different climbers for the fence line), and veggies this year. If I am really ambitious and lucky, I'll get the stone path laid from the gate to the porch and the beds around it blocked in and the hydrangea hedge in front of the porch started. I've got some help coming in digging out all the new beds (there ARE benefits to having a whole team of high school boys who want to get on Coach's good side!) and that's going to be key!

Elmorton: This one is tough, but my first gut resposnse is follow your own gut! I don't think there is really any 'perfect time' to be pregnant, which is actually a good thing since we have so little control over the timing anyway. There will always be holiday babies and ladies suffering through third trimesters in the summer. Personally, I would probably take the time to try and get in a little better shape and start on your vacay- you're only 30! Other than the weight issue, does your doc have any reason to suspect fertility issues? Family history, previous conditions? My midwife told me they wouldn't even look at diagnosing infertility at my age (also 30) until we had been BC free for 1 whole year.

Walk me through your timeline again; I'm confused about leaving mid semester...

 

[tammy77]

Elmorton, if I were you I'd honestly consider just focusing on weight loss (I'm heavy too and 8.5 wks pregnant...I wish I started out smaller). If I were going on a once in a lifetime (or at least very long time) trip, I would NOT want to be pregnant by more than a week. If you want to drink wine, eat whatever you want and be sure that you're not exhausted (trust me, it starts EARLY in pregnancy...like week 4-5 for me at least) then wait to start until May. Realistically, that's two months and you ARE young at 30! Your doctor needs to stop with the scare tactics.

If you were 40, then I wouldn't recommend waiting but you have time on your side. I'm turning 36 in two weeks and we did need help with this one but my youngest daughter was conceived at 27 yrs old - so not much younger than you are - in 2 tries (I was definitely still overweight, always have been). If you're not "morbidly obese" it is unlikely to delay pregnancy, especially if your cycles are regular. Maybe you can start temping/using opks this month and next so you know for sure that you're ovulating? That would help your timeline I think.

So I say use the time to opk/temp/continue to lose weight, then go on your trip and bring back a little souvenir!