Wanting but Waiting...

[star sparkle]

So I took a big (to me) step - yesterday I ordered a copy of TCOYF, a basal thermometer, and OPKs. I guess this is really happening? Lol, I always thought I'd be very laid back when it came time for the TTC process, but now that we plan on starting just under a year from now, I realize that I'm such a control freak that being laid back about it was never going to happen.

 

[amc80]

So I took a big (to me) step - yesterday I ordered a copy of TCOYF, a basal thermometer, and OPKs. I guess this is really happening? Lol, I always thought I'd be very laid back when it came time for the TTC process, but now that we plan on starting just under a year from now, I realize that I'm such a control freak that being laid back about it was never going to happen.

Hmmm, that sounds familiar. Although I only tracked for about 6 months before TTC so I'd say you are way ahead of the game

 

[star sparkle]

So I took a big (to me) step - yesterday I ordered a copy of TCOYF, a basal thermometer, and OPKs. I guess this is really happening? Lol, I always thought I'd be very laid back when it came time for the TTC process, but now that we plan on starting just under a year from now, I realize that I'm such a control freak that being laid back about it was never going to happen.

Hmmm, that sounds familiar. Although I only tracked for about 6 months before TTC so I'd say you are way ahead of the game

Haha, I think I need as much time as possible to get used to the idea of TTC, so I need to start ASAP. I'm still unsure and in disbelief that it'll be happening so soon, and I'm hoping that tracking and such will make me feel better about it and more in control.

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

Well it's December and DH and I will be officially TTC NEXT December. Ack. Less than a year! I'll have my implanon taken out next October and start tracking my cycles once it's out. I can't believe it. I still don't really feel ready but DH and I have been married over five years already, it'll be over six when we start TTC. I need to keep writing these posts so I'll believe it lol. In terms of having a baby we have started a baby savings account. We know we will have to move to a bigger apartment and we know we will need emergency funds saved so that we are starting now. It used to be our wedding fund account originally and now it'll be the baby fund. So cute!

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

OK so two more months plus of wrapping my head around it and I'm becoming more and more OK and actually excited/anxious about our timeline! I have even started researching baby and birth topics. I am planning on doing the Bradley Method classes once I am actually (hopefully) preggo and I found a local Bradley coach who I will hopefully be going too. DH is down and it makes me really happy that he's so go with the flow! I'm still planning on removing my Nexplanon in six months and then let's see what happens!

 

[bobbin]

I have officially shifted and am really clucky. I have started to be able to see the positive benefits to Charlotte of having a sibling and as she isn't so demanding now she's almost 2, I can imagine having 2. Typical, as we are not in any way able to start TTC now and probably won't be in a position to until the end of 2015/start of 2016. Sigh.

Seeing mums with little babies at the shops makes me sad these days!

 

[dani13]

I have officially shifted and am really clucky. I have started to be able to see the positive benefits to Charlotte of having a sibling and as she isn't so demanding now she's almost 2, I can imagine having 2. Typical, as we are not in any way able to start TTC now and probably won't be in a position to until the end of 2015/start of 2016. Sigh.

Seeing mums with little babies at the shops makes me sad these days!

This is how we feel too! Was starting to think L would probably be an only at times up until fairly recently! It's so sad that the baby stage goes so fast!!

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

I have officially shifted and am really clucky. I have started to be able to see the positive benefits to Charlotte of having a sibling and as she isn't so demanding now she's almost 2, I can imagine having 2. Typical, as we are not in any way able to start TTC now and probably won't be in a position to until the end of 2015/start of 2016. Sigh.

Seeing mums with little babies at the shops makes me sad these days!

I think about this a lot too. I was an only child growing up, DH was a middle child. I think we will have two if we are able but there will be a decent gap between them, at least 4 years would be my plan. Oh well, as of September my BC will come out and I'll start tracking to try in December. Another one of my friends (known her since I was 5) just told me she is pregnant so it really is time, lol. I have started taking steps to prepare myself. I have cut out most coffee. I no longer drink it in the morning and have it maybe once a week as a random treat. I also started taking vitamins again regularly to help prepare my body. I'll start to prenatals in September so they have time to build up in my system before we TTC. I also found a local Bradley Method teacher in my area but I will wait until I'm actually preggo before I contact her obvi. On top of that I am also considering if I want to go midwife vs. traditional. I think as long as I am having a complication free pregnancy (when and if I get pregnant) I will go that route but I still want to deliver in a hospital. Basically, I'm an over researcher lol. I just need to let these things bubble around in my head for awhile lol. I must say I am finally feeling excited about this. We will make it work, no matter what now I just need to obsess over if I'm actually fertile and able to get pregnant. I guess I'll find out soon enough!

 

[star sparkle]

I'm still in a very underwhelmed state of mind about the whole thing, and our tentative timeline is to start TTC in the fall. I guess right now I'm liking the *idea* of a baby, but maybe not so much the actuality. Maybe the excitement will come, maybe it won't, we'll see what happens.

 

[MuffDog]

Hey everyone...thought I'd pop in and check this thread out as my son is 20.5 months and I've been thinking about #2.

And by thinking, I mean..well...feeling like I'm turning 35 this year and that I need to get on it (so to speak) however I'm so uncertain.

My son was tough. I mean really hard. Hard enough that I'm only just recently starting to forget how bad it was.

When I think of my future, I think of a bigger family, but right now with things just now starting to get easier, it is hard to think "let's do it again".

I didn't have a cuddly, sleep sweet little babe, so it is hard to...yearn for that bit.

When DH and I talk about it, it ends up being kind of negative. How hard it will be. Lots of work. And of course I also have to think about the 2nd career hit I'll be taking and dealing with the SAHM rage I used to get (against my DH because I worked all day and then had to do all the house stuff).

Oy....

If I were younger, I'd just wait longer. But I'm not. So I feel pressure to get moving but...ahhhhh...

Hopefully some of you get what I mean.

 

[amc80]

Muffdog- I get it. B wasn't easy. He just started STTN consistently at about 16 months. He ate every 2-3 hours until he was about 8 months old. He's had an ER trip, a surgery, and another hospitalization. Someone told me to not think about how hard it is the first few years, but to think about what you want your dinner table to look like 10 or 15 or 20 years from now. I've come to the realization the I will be tired, fat, and very busy for the next few years. I think it is a small price to pay for the future.

 

[stephbolt]

Hey everyone...thought I'd pop in and check this thread out as my son is 20.5 months and I've been thinking about #2.

And by thinking, I mean..well...feeling like I'm turning 35 this year and that I need to get on it (so to speak) however I'm so uncertain.

My son was tough. I mean really hard. Hard enough that I'm only just recently starting to forget how bad it was.

When I think of my future, I think of a bigger family, but right now with things just now starting to get easier, it is hard to think "let's do it again".

I didn't have a cuddly, sleep sweet little babe, so it is hard to...yearn for that bit.

When DH and I talk about it, it ends up being kind of negative. How hard it will be. Lots of work. And of course I also have to think about the 2nd career hit I'll be taking and dealing with the SAHM rage I used to get (against my DH because I worked all day and then had to do all the house stuff).

Oy....

If I were younger, I'd just wait longer. But I'm not. So I feel pressure to get moving but...ahhhhh...

Hopefully some of you get what I mean.

Hi Muffdog! You know I have a kiddo almost the same age. We are thinking about TTC this summer. I go back and forth between being wildly excited and wanting to start right this second because my kid is so cool and funny and interesting right now and being terrified about throwing ourselves back into the whirlwind of the newborn days and how it will affect N. I do like AMC's suggestion to think about the long-term bigger picture. I have two siblings who I love dearly and look forward to giving that to N, and I'm hopeful that I can get through some of the harder parts of parenting this time with the knowledge that it will change. Good luck to you figuring out the right timing for your family.

 

[MuffDog]

Muffdog- I get it. B wasn't easy. He just started STTN consistently at about 16 months. He ate every 2-3 hours until he was about 8 months old. He's had an ER trip, a surgery, and another hospitalization. Someone told me to not think about how hard it is the first few years, but to think about what you want your dinner table to look like 10 or 15 or 20 years from now. I've come to the realization the I will be tired, fat, and very busy for the next few years. I think it is a small price to pay for the future.

It is funny because it is that dinner table in the future idea that got us preggo the first time I just need it get me there a second time, I guess!!

 

[pancake]

I think in reality, there's no perfect time to have your second or subsequent kids (or the first for that matter!). For us there were a few factors involved - firstly, I started a PhD when #1 was 12 months old and I wanted to have a least a year of solid work under my belt (so really, 18 months - especially given that I was going into a new area and required a completely new set of skills) before going on leave again. Then there was the consideration of what age gap range we were after - part of this was thinking about S and what kind of sibling relationships we wanted to foster, developmentally (obviously any age gap has its magic and its pitfalls!), but also it was informed by us really wanting a third child at some stage as well, and my age. Then there was the whole, "well, what if we have trouble falling pregnant?" thing.

Our first was a very easygoing baby and I'm sure that that had an influence too.

So in the end we thought that a 2.5-3y gap would be nice, and so we jumped in TTC at a point at which, if we fell pregnant immediately, there would be a 2.5y age gap. And here we are - I'm 14 weeks, and there will be a 2.5y age gap I definitely still had the "holy crap!" moment when we made the conscious decision that we were starting to TTC, but I think that persists regardless of how "ready" you are, whatever that means.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

I have a 2 year old and a 3 week old, so I'm right in the thick of juggling a toddler and a newborn.

I think it's smart to expect it to be hard. It is hard, even when you don't have especially challenging kids. For me, the pregnancy was harder because I couldn't rest. Financially, it's hard. Career-wise, it's hard because my career has been stagnant since having our 1st. and now that our second is here, it's impossible to be there 100% of the time for both kids and at times you feel like you're failing both. As a mom, that's hardest for me.

We had a plan similar to Pancake's--we wanted to space them 2-3 years apart, so the first month we had a "green light", we went for it and they are within a week of being 2 years apart. Even though that was our plan, I spent the entire pregnancy worrying about the impact it would have on Katie, our marriage, my career, etc. I was even starting to cry as they wheeled me in for the c-section because I knew our lives would never be the same. I only say this because I think some anxiety is normal even when you really want another.

Now that I'm on the other side, I am over the moon. Yes, it's hard, but not as hard as I imagined it. When both are crying, it's no fun, but there is also more love in my life. And seeing my first dote on my second makes my heart melt.

I completely understand having reservations when your first was extra challenging. My first was easy, so I was convinced I would have a challenging second baby. But every baby really is different--some things are easier and some aren't. Since you had a challenging first, hopefully more things are easier at the very least, you are more confident the second time around.

Lots of luck with the decision!

 

[MuffDog]

I have a 2 year old and a 3 week old, so I'm right in the thick of juggling a toddler and a newborn.

I think it's smart to expect it to be hard. It is hard, even when you don't have especially challenging kids. For me, the pregnancy was harder because I couldn't rest. Financially, it's hard. Career-wise, it's hard because my career has been stagnant since having our 1st. and now that our second is here, it's impossible to be there 100% of the time for both kids and at times you feel like you're failing both. As a mom, that's hardest for me.

We had a plan similar to Pancake's--we wanted to space them 2-3 years apart, so the first month we had a "green light", we went for it and they are within a week of being 2 years apart. Even though that was our plan, I spent the entire pregnancy worrying about the impact it would have on Katie, our marriage, my career, etc. I was even starting to cry as they wheeled me in for the c-section because I knew our lives would never be the same. I only say this because I think some anxiety is normal even when you really want another.

Now that I'm on the other side, I am over the moon. Yes, it's hard, but not as hard as I imagined it. When both are crying, it's no fun, but there is also more love in my life. And seeing my first dote on my second makes my heart melt.

I completely understand having reservations when your first was extra challenging. My first was easy, so I was convinced I would have a challenging second baby. But every baby really is different--some things are easier and some aren't. Since you had a challenging first, hopefully more things are easier at the very least, you are more confident the second time around.

Lots of luck with the decision!

Pancake and NEL - thanks for your input. It is such a hard decision!! It is like I'm standing on a diving board. I know I'm going to jump and I know it will be cold when I first get in, but DANG it is hard to make that leap!! Of course - once you are in it is fine and warm and fun...but propelling your legs to get you in? That part is tough!

This weekend was hilarious. My son was amazing. Like insanely funny and cute all weekend. It is like he knew we were having trouble with the decision because he was so difficult and was trying to be good. See mom? I'm cute and funny and wouldn't you love another one? hahaha

 

[mlk]

Hi ladies, mind if I join in?

My son is 15 months old and I am ready for no. 2. after a very tough pregnancy in which I had severe pre-eclampsia, a two month premature baby and a very demanding child, I had finally got up the courage to try again as my ideal gap was 2 years.

Recently I have been seeing a new holistic go to try to sort out my blood pressure which never went back to normal and he has just found a genetic mutation called Mthfr (yes I can think of an appropriate term to call it!) which can cause a multitude of problems including failure to absorb folic acid, neural tube defects, miscarriage, stillbirth, clots, preeclampsia and many other things.

Basically I have to now wait 3 months until my body has enough time to absorb natural folate before we can try. So here I am wanting but waiting

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

Well the apartment is no longer an issue with having a baby! We found a new place with two bedrooms, one small and just right for a nursery. We're moving in two weeks and we will keep that room empty so it's ready when we are

One step closer!

 

[MuffDog]

Well the apartment is no longer an issue with having a baby! We found a new place with two bedrooms, one small and just right for a nursery. We're moving in two weeks and we will keep that room empty so it's ready when we are

One step closer!

That is such a quick move! Congratulations!!

DH and I talked about it a bit more and are leaning towards going for it. Of course, my DH (who always dreamt of being a professional athlete) would prefer if the next babe was born at the start of a year...which means we can't get moving until mid April.

Men.

Hmpfh.

 

[mayerling]

Muff, I don't get the reference about being a professional athlete...
Also, you mentioned finding things difficult with your son which sort of confused me because I remember you saying that he would STTN at a very young age and how he would get something like 17 hours sleep a day at some point. I remember feeling jealous as N has never slept that long. I, too, am on the fence about having another precisely because life with N has not been that easy. I definitely want another one but I'm more than happy to wait until he's older. I'm an only child so I've always wanted two, but never thought they had to be of an age when they could be each other's playmate.

 

[monkeyprincess]

Hey Muff, glad to see you posting and considering adding to your family. I hear you, I had a pretty difficult newborn as well. He got a lot easier around 4 months or so and has been a pretty great kid since then, but the first few weeks/months were really rough and I wondered if I'd ever do it again. My situation is a bit different from yours because I have fertility problems, so for me, I knew if I wanted more children, I needed to start trying again pretty quickly. I think in order to do that, I have pretty much had to forget a lot of the early stuff and just realize that we got through it the first time, and we will get through it again. Plus, I hope that I learned a lot the first time around, and, hopefully, if I'm able to have another baby, it will make the next time around a bit easier. Good luck with your decision!

 

[MuffDog]

Muff, I don't get the reference about being a professional athlete...
Also, you mentioned finding things difficult with your son which sort of confused me because I remember you saying that he would STTN at a very young age and how he would get something like 17 hours sleep a day at some point. I remember feeling jealous as N has never slept that long. I, too, am on the fence about having another precisely because life with N has not been that easy. I definitely want another one but I'm more than happy to wait until he's older. I'm an only child so I've always wanted two, but never thought they had to be of an age when they could be each other's playmate.

Hey Mayerling! The athlete thing - sorry. They call it 'redshirting' where parents will intentionally keep their kids back one year so they are the oldest/strongest/smartest in their class - but primarily people do it for sports I hear. So they get an additional year as an amateur or something.

Here is the wikipedia definition: In United States college athletics, redshirt is a delay or suspension of an athlete's participation in order to lengthen their period of eligibility. Typically, a student's athletic eligibility in a given sport is four seasons, a number derived from the four years of academic classes that are normally required to obtain a bachelor's degree at an American college or university. However, student athletes may be allowed to redshirt for up to two years, so they can spread those four years of eligibility over five, or sometimes six years. In a redshirt year, student athletes may attend classes at the college or university, practice with an athletic team, and dress for play but may not compete in games. Using this mechanism, a student athlete has up to five academic years to use the four years of eligibility, thus becoming a fifth-year senior.

Anyways - if we got preggo now-ish, the LO would be a December baby, which would make him/her the youngest in the class/on the team.

Honestly - it is so STUPID but DH feels strongly about it given that it just means waiting one additional month. Sigh. Boys.

Also - Luca was a miserable kid. Sure, we sleep trained early but that was because we had to. Otherwise he cried/screamed from 4-11 p.m. and then took sometimes 1-2 hours to go back down after a night feed. He would then wake in the a.m. screaming. It was never ending. After sleep training, he stopped waking up screaming, but he continued being generally miserable and high maintenance until he was almost 18 months. So yeah - he eventually slept well but the rest of the time was pretty crappy.

It was only after 18 months or so that he started being mostly happy. Before that it was so, so rare.

MP - people keep telling me that the second will be easier, but I know that isn't for sure. So pretty much we are going into it thinking that we may have another one like Luca. Which is shitty to start but awesome later. He was definitely worth it (but it has taken me a long time to get to the point where I didn't feel physically ill thinking about the bad times).

 

[amc80]

Anyways - if we got preggo now-ish, the LO would be a December baby, which would make him/her the youngest in the class/on the team.

Honestly - it is so STUPID but DH feels strongly about it given that it just means waiting one additional month. Sigh. Boys.

Check your school district! Our cut off is either September or October. So a December baby might have to wait until the following year anyway. Have you read Freakonomics? There's a whole chapter on this. Apparently some huge percentage of professional baseball players are born in July. Why? Because the cut off for Little League is June 30. Really interesting. We are probably going to hold B back since he's an August baby. I've read a lot on it and it seems boys can usually use the extra time to mature. Even if they seem fine to go into Kindergarten, by 3rd grade or so it usually catches up with them.

Anyway, I can't wait for some of you to move over to the TTC thread. Most of the ladies are now in the JBP thread.

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

Anyways - if we got preggo now-ish, the LO would be a December baby, which would make him/her the youngest in the class/on the team.

Honestly - it is so STUPID but DH feels strongly about it given that it just means waiting one additional month. Sigh. Boys.

Check your school district! Our cut off is either September or October. So a December baby might have to wait until the following year anyway. Have you read Freakonomics? There's a whole chapter on this. Apparently some huge percentage of professional baseball players are born in July. Why? Because the cut off for Little League is June 30. Really interesting. We are probably going to hold B back since he's an August baby. I've read a lot on it and it seems boys can usually use the extra time to mature. Even if they seem fine to go into Kindergarten, by 3rd grade or so it usually catches up with them.

Anyway, I can't wait for some of you to move over to the TTC thread. Most of the ladies are now in the JBP thread.

I can say a as a teacher, if you can hold him back do it.

 

[amc80]

Anyways - if we got preggo now-ish, the LO would be a December baby, which would make him/her the youngest in the class/on the team.

Honestly - it is so STUPID but DH feels strongly about it given that it just means waiting one additional month. Sigh. Boys.

Check your school district! Our cut off is either September or October. So a December baby might have to wait until the following year anyway. Have you read Freakonomics? There's a whole chapter on this. Apparently some huge percentage of professional baseball players are born in July. Why? Because the cut off for Little League is June 30. Really interesting. We are probably going to hold B back since he's an August baby. I've read a lot on it and it seems boys can usually use the extra time to mature. Even if they seem fine to go into Kindergarten, by 3rd grade or so it usually catches up with them.

Anyway, I can't wait for some of you to move over to the TTC thread. Most of the ladies are now in the JBP thread.

I can say a as a teacher, if you can hold him back do it.

Oh you're a teacher! Super. I'd love to hear any thoughts on this.

The only problem is we are (hopefully) moving to Oregon. Their policy is that a kid who is 5 by September 1 must be in kindergarten, and a kid who is 6 by the following Sep 1 has to be in 1st grade. So I guess the only way around it would be to do private school for two years? Not sure.

 

[mayerling]

This is interesting. Where I'm from you can't choose when to send your child to school. Also, I would never hold my child back...

 

[pancake]

I strongly disagree with the practice of holding children back. I don't think it is for parents to decide on a "hunch" or a "worry" that their kids are "too young" for a system that should be designed to cater for the range of developmental stages and abilities of children within a range that is clearly stipulated. It is becoming more popular in Australia as well and it is changing the demographics of childhood education within a system which should be regulating it better. There is no convincing empirical evidence that it is of benefit in terms of social, mental health or educational outcomes. Obviously, there is always individual variability but I think that too often people have a very limited view of what constitutes "school readiness". Certainly within developmental paediatrics there is a question of whether such a thing actually exists.

 

[mayerling]

I strongly disagree with the practice of holding children back. I don't think it is for parents to decide on a "hunch" or a "worry" that their kids are "too young" for a system that should be designed to cater for the range of developmental stages and abilities of children within a range that is clearly stipulated. It is becoming more popular in Australia as well and it is changing the demographics of childhood education within a system which should be regulating it better. There is no convincing empirical evidence that it is of benefit in terms of social, mental health or educational outcomes. Obviously, there is always individual variability but I think that too often people have a very limited view of what constitutes "school readiness". Certainly within developmental paediatrics there is a question of whether such a thing actually exists.

I wish PS had a "like" button!

 

[MuffDog]

This is interesting. Where I'm from you can't choose when to send your child to school. Also, I would never hold my child back...

(just in case I wasn't clear above, we are just choosing to put off TTC so that we don't end up with a December baby if possible).

Which I know is silly because who knows when I will actually get preggo, but since I was a one shot wonder last time, I don't want to risk it.

I actually don't mind the idea of holding a kid back if you don't think they are ready. Of course with consultations with teachers, etc. To me the system isn't perfect for all kids, and if I knew my child would not thrive starting kindergarten at a certain time, I would consider holding him/her back.

In Ontario, children are eligible for junior kindergarten the year they turn 4, though they aren’t required by law to attend. They are required to be in Grade 1 the year they turn six, unless special arrangements are made with their school to hold off.

Here is an article about it if you are interested: http://www.thestar.com/life/parent/2013/06/17/should_you_put_off_kindergarten_for_your_child.html

 

[mayerling]

Muff, I apologise for my comment. I didn't mean to imply that you intend to do that.

Also, where I'm from is similar in that it's your choice when to send your child to pre-school/nursery but they definitely have to be in kindergarten (age 5) in September of the calendar year they turn 5; so if they're born in Jan they go at 5 years 9 months and if they're born in December they go at 4 years 9 months.