Wanting but Waiting...

[4ever]

Hi jazzoboe welcome

It sounds like you both have a plan however I would be willing to bet you won't be waiting 2 years!

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

Welcome jazzobee! My DH and I are in a similar boat. We will still be paying loads and renting for a few more years but were diving in to TTC by December anyway. I'll be 29 then and DH 30. Sometimes you just have to go for it. As for social life, all of our friends have started having babies so we'll all be in the same boat anyway. This will happen with your friends too. It changes but the fun can still be had

Has anyone else had weird preggo dreams? The night of the fourth I woke up after dreaming that I found out I was 8 weeks preggo and baby Daddy wasn't DH but a NY Yankee, I can't remember which one lol. I told DH in the dream and he wasn't even mad, he said OK it's mine anyway lol. When I told the real him in the morning he was confused but laughed anyway. Told me not to get any ideas, ha. Then the night after I dreamed about the BC coming out and being preggo 2 weeks later. I wonder what I'll dream about tonight!

 

[jazzoboe]

I have definitely had a handful of pregnancy dreams in the last few years. The first one was about a month before I got married. I dreamt that I was having a baby even though I had no idea how i had become pregnant, but I could feel the baby kick and was really excited to meet him/her. When I woke he, I was kind of sad that it wasn't real because the feeling of the baby kicking in the dream had felt so real. I think that's when I knew 100 percent for sure that I wanted a baby some day.

I've had other similar dreams since and always wake up a little disappointed.

I have also started seeing babies EVERYWHERE lately! I think I need to go snuggle with my friend's little boy again in the next couple of days.

And, I agree, we likely won't wait a full 2 years, but I'll let my DH think that for a while. I can tell he's starting to crack a little already!

 

[TooPatient]

DH laid off.

His former company cut 1400 employees from the main campus area and another large number from another out of country. They are planning to do 18,000 in the next 12 months...
(yeah... the mega company that has been all over the news )

Thanks to the stupid attorney-speak in the packet they handed out at the "special invite only" meeting, we have little idea how much he'll get as severance (even though there is supposed to be). I'm working off of the idea of no severance so that we can budget for that and any extra will just be nice.

No major or even minor renovations this summer. Airplane restoration on hold. I'm cutting expenses and trying to make sure we'll be okay.
He's got a couple of recruiters interested in talking already, so hopefully there won't be a gap in income. His is the only income in our house

Not sure where that leaves us on TTC. The last thing I want is to be stuck with no insurance and no income with a baby in the mix. I guess we just have to take it a step at a time and go from there.

 

[SMC]

DH laid off.

His former company cut 1400 employees from the main campus area and another large number from another out of country. They are planning to do 18,000 in the next 12 months...
(yeah... the mega company that has been all over the news )

Thanks to the stupid attorney-speak in the packet they handed out at the "special invite only" meeting, we have little idea how much he'll get as severance (even though there is supposed to be). I'm working off of the idea of no severance so that we can budget for that and any extra will just be nice.

No major or even minor renovations this summer. Airplane restoration on hold. I'm cutting expenses and trying to make sure we'll be okay.
He's got a couple of recruiters interested in talking already, so hopefully there won't be a gap in income. His is the only income in our house

Not sure where that leaves us on TTC. The last thing I want is to be stuck with no insurance and no income with a baby in the mix. I guess we just have to take it a step at a time and go from there.

Man, so sorry to hear that! I think it wouldn't be a bad idea to wait to TTC until your DH has secured a job with insurance. Good luck!

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

DH laid off.

His former company cut 1400 employees from the main campus area and another large number from another out of country. They are planning to do 18,000 in the next 12 months...
(yeah... the mega company that has been all over the news )

Thanks to the stupid attorney-speak in the packet they handed out at the "special invite only" meeting, we have little idea how much he'll get as severance (even though there is supposed to be). I'm working off of the idea of no severance so that we can budget for that and any extra will just be nice.

No major or even minor renovations this summer. Airplane restoration on hold. I'm cutting expenses and trying to make sure we'll be okay.
He's got a couple of recruiters interested in talking already, so hopefully there won't be a gap in income. His is the only income in our house

Not sure where that leaves us on TTC. The last thing I want is to be stuck with no insurance and no income with a baby in the mix. I guess we just have to take it a step at a time and go from there.

My thoughts are with you, fingers crossed for the recruiters!

 

[4ever]

DH laid off.

His former company cut 1400 employees from the main campus area and another large number from another out of country. They are planning to do 18,000 in the next 12 months...
(yeah... the mega company that has been all over the news )

Thanks to the stupid attorney-speak in the packet they handed out at the "special invite only" meeting, we have little idea how much he'll get as severance (even though there is supposed to be). I'm working off of the idea of no severance so that we can budget for that and any extra will just be nice.

No major or even minor renovations this summer. Airplane restoration on hold. I'm cutting expenses and trying to make sure we'll be okay.
He's got a couple of recruiters interested in talking already, so hopefully there won't be a gap in income. His is the only income in our house

Not sure where that leaves us on TTC. The last thing I want is to be stuck with no insurance and no income with a baby in the mix. I guess we just have to take it a step at a time and go from there.

I'm sorry to hear about this TP! I hope everything works out with the recruiters and it dosnt throw your TTC timeline off too much.
I really feel for you ladies who have to worry about insurance along with everything else involved with planning a family.

DH is talking about looking for a new job. He current management are really useless so I don't blame him. If he does get a new job he will almost certainly get paid more, however he will have no paid leave for a year , the law here is that your first 3 months is a trial period so the can give you the flick with no notice during that time. DHs current job also offers a "baby bonus" so DH would get 4 extra weeks paid leave or get 4 weeks extra pay if he stays. I've left it up to him do decide what he wants to do but the uncertainty makes me anxious.


On the TTC plan front: At the moment my point of view changes regularly from "yeah, we'd be great parents, this could totally make this the right time, let's do this thing" to " omg, what the heck am I thinking? I would have to be effing insane to think this is a good idea, there is no way we can both work full time with a baby, you are flushing your career down the toilet". Today is the latter and I'm freakin out. This is exhausting.

 

[4ever]

Has anyone else had weird preggo dreams? The night of the fourth I woke up after dreaming that I found out I was 8 weeks preggo and baby Daddy wasn't DH but a NY Yankee, I can't remember which one lol. I told DH in the dream and he wasn't even mad, he said OK it's mine anyway lol. When I told the real him in the morning he was confused but laughed anyway. Told me not to get any ideas, ha. Then the night after I dreamed about the BC coming out and being preggo 2 weeks later. I wonder what I'll dream about tonight!

I had some pretty messed up dreams the other night.

The first I went into labour and had the baby while DH was busy at work. I called him and he said he'd come see us when he was finished work later that night. Then the baby kept getting bigger and grew up into a teenager before DH arrived.

The second I had just given birth and was in a room with other women who had just given birth and I wanted to find my baby. However, instead of babies we all had cats roaming around and I didn't know how to work out which one was my cat.

Weird.

 

[hippipixi]

is anyone else wanting and waiting because they are ready to go but their husband/partner is not?

I've been ready to go for a long time but now I want to wait at least till the end of the year because of Australia's new parental leave scheme kicking in July next year. My husband and I have always talked about kids. We know how many we want and have picked out names and veto'd others, discussed parenting styles, how long I will have off work and which of our parents might help us out, etc. we've been together 8 years and married last year.

He's happy with the idea of kids and would say he definitely wants them if you asked. But he's not ready now. It used to be that we should wait until we finish our degrees, then until some family issues were sorted out, then until we got married. Now he thinks we should wait until we buy a house (very reasonable), he's also mentioned waiting until we have started our own business.

My issue is that while i don't want to push him to do something if he's not ready he is unfortunately like this with every aspect of life. He decided a year ago that he didn't want to live where we are now, wants to move 1.5hrs away to the city (schools are better in the city). we decided he should find a job there first, we would move and then i would find a job. He still hasn't applied for anything yet and our current lease ends in september. i told him for the 10th time the other day that he needs to start applying for jobs and his response was 'just not yet, I'm not ready'. I love him but he's obviously paralysed by the idea of change

anyway vent over. anyone else have a husband/partner dragging their heels?

 

[jazzoboe]

To some extent, yes. I'm definitely more ready in that I have one or two things I want to check off my list before we TTC but I'm excited to start before too long.

DH is definitely a little more nervous about the idea of having kids even though he wants them, so when the time comes I think I'll have a hard time getting him to say "yes, let's go for it." He jokes that we'll have to have an "oops." Which I wouldn't mind too much either, though I'd really like to at least get in better shape first. However I am currently off birth control (which he is aware of and I know it freaks him out a bit, but doctor's orders...) and just using condoms, so a surprise is definitely not impossible.

But yeah, I know it's going to be hard to get him to commit to actually trying when the time comes.

 

[amc80]

I have a friend who was in that position, except she was the one dragging her feet. She had a bunch of excuses and "let's wait until after x" type of things. Her husband finally told her there will always be some reason to wait. Which is true. There will always be a better house, schools, jobs, city, etc. Schools are important, but the kid won't be starting tomorrow, you know?

 

[NewEnglandLady]

I would recommend doing what I did. I bought a box of condoms and told him that when they were gone, we were done with birth control. By the time we were down to our last few, he was REALLY trying not to use them, haha. In fact, he kept one "emergency" condom just in case he freaked out when it was time to pull the goalie.

My husband is a commitmentphobe. He admits it. He went to a therapist before we got engaged because he was so terrified of committing to marriage that he had multiple panic attacks when trying to buy my engagement ring. He also had a major panic attack before we bought a house. Big changes = extreme anxiety for my husband.

I'm not a terribly patient or empathetic person by nature, so I probably don't deal with his anxiety as well as some other women would. So when I told him it was our last box of condoms (I'd gone off BC nearly a year prior so I could track my cycles), he knew I wasn't joking. I personally see nothing wrong with some strong urging when one party has cold feet.

For the record, we both had anxiety when I found out I was pregnant with our first. Seems like a lifetime ago. He has no anxiety at all about #2. Now he's the one who wants another and I'm done. The anxiety he feels now will feel like a distant memory when he has a baby in his arms.

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

I am the one who's been dragging my feet, lol. My DH was ready three years ago. I'm just a very long term planner. When I make up my mind on something I'm good to go but I like having a long time to prepare. We were engaged about 4 years before we got married for the same reason, all me. Now we are only 4-5 months away from TTC depending on when my cycle lands once it comes back after removal of my Nexplanon. I'm cautiously ready.

 

[hippipixi]

oops wrong account. made this one when i was new and lost my account details

 

[hippi_pixi]

Thankyou Jazzoboe, Amc80, NewEnglandLady, Asscherhalo Lover. thankyou for your stories it really helpful to have people to talk to. we have made major progress this week i think. DH had a really shit week at work last week, so he did up his resume and cover letters on the weekend and has applied to available jobs in the location we want to move to. he's visiting 3 places in person tomorrow.

and he is showing promise on the baby making front. on wednesday i brought it up and he said once he's settled in his new job we'll do it and we will do it next year (there might have been a pause and a 'maybe' but I'm taking it as a win.) he usually replies to me on the topic with an unhappy tone but this time it was more positive. only months ago he was saying we'll do it in a few years, way off in the future etc. interestingly his mother called this week also, she's been harrassing him to buy a house ASAP, but now that he's changing jobs she says 'great and after that you will have a baby, don't worry about the house, its time to have a baby'. win!

One of my colleagues had a baby a week ago and is bring him in this tuesday so thats really going to set me off. It's hard to contain my excitement and act like a normal sane person

 

[4ever]

I'm stepping off the baby bandwagon for now. I realised I've been trying to get myself pumped to do this for DH, when really I just don't want kids yet.

I told DH, he's disappointed but said he expected that I would come to this realisation. He's now hoping for an 'accident'

I think in another 2 to 3 years I will feel more satisfied with what I have achieved in my career and babies will be back on the cards.

bye for now

 

[TooPatient]

I'm stepping off the baby bandwagon for now. I realised I've been trying to get myself pumped to do this for DH, when really I just don't want kids yet.

I told DH, he's disappointed but said he expected that I would come to this realisation. He's now hoping for an 'accident'

I think in another 2 to 3 years I will feel more satisfied with what I have achieved in my career and babies will be back on the cards.

bye for now

Sorry to see you go!

Glad you were honest with yourself and are not going to force yourself to rush into something you'd rather wait for

See you back here when you're ready


(Oh.... but stick around and post!)

 

[TooPatient]

Foot dragging..... Yeah.... We were together 9 1/2 years by the time we got married.
There is ALWAYS another thing that would make the timing "better" if you wait.

We had to sit down and have that talk earlier this year as he kept saying we'd talk about kids "After _____ "
Did that with getting married. Took almost 10 years. We don't have another 10 years to wait until "After _____" to decide to have a kid. (right now, I'm 29 and DH is 5


So...
Still out in limbo here.
DH still officially employed but laid off. Can't file for unemployment until middle of next month. Can't apply to certain contract companies until middle of next month. Won't know severance details until potentially middle of October.

We won't be TTC while he has no income. That would not be good for us. We can survive for some time without him working, but couldn't manage the added expense of a pregnancy & baby.

He's scrambling to brush up his (impressively large) set of skills and add some of the latest cool programming stuff. Got a couple of projects that we're going to try to sell ourselves and possibly start up a small business of our own. If that doesn't work out, he'll go the standard recruiter route and do contract positions. Either will likely mean (eventually) a higher income and more enjoyment.


So I guess that leaves me time to lose weight before TTC...
I've got 15 pounds to lose before I get back to where I was at the wedding when I wanted to lose 60
Currently 5'4" and 215 Definitely NOT in very good shape at all.
I'd like to get to 140 eventually but want to do a gradual healthy improvement approach that I can sustain. I am most interested in being healthy. A lower weight would be good, but I want to be able to put my shoes on without struggle or get up off the floor without pain or walk up the stairs without getting winded.

 

[hippi_pixi]

Toopatient It sucks feeling like you are in Limbo. I hope it all works out for you. a higher income and more job satisfaction sound good.

I don't feel like I have anyone else to talk to right now so I'm here again. I feel like we took 2 steps forward and 1 step back. Hubby has been offered a job in the new city we're moving to. he will work there 2 days a week while working 4 days at his current job to see how it goes and then give notice at the old job if all goes well and we will move. we had agreed to start trying for a baby in December so i have an appt this week for pap smear/bresst check and general preconception checkup. this weekend i said to Hubby 'so you tend to smile and nod and agree with my thoughts on our future and then throw me a curve ball later on. so just to confirm you are on board with everything I've said yes?' and he says 'yes new job, move cities, buy a house and then try for a baby december NEXT year' oh dear. I'm pretty bummed

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

Ugh how annoying! I have the same timeline for this year. My appointment to have the BC removed is August 18th and then we're waiting for my cycles to come back to start tracking. We will officially be trying in December as long as everything comes back normal. I've not had a normal cycle in over four years because of my BC so I'm not sure how long it'll take. Only one week to go until I'm on active prevention duty. I have to start the vitamins too. Now that it's here it feels so fast!

 

[TooPatient]

Toopatient It sucks feeling like you are in Limbo. I hope it all works out for you. a higher income and more job satisfaction sound good.

I don't feel like I have anyone else to talk to right now so I'm here again. I feel like we took 2 steps forward and 1 step back. Hubby has been offered a job in the new city we're moving to. he will work there 2 days a week while working 4 days at his current job to see how it goes and then give notice at the old job if all goes well and we will move. we had agreed to start trying for a baby in December so i have an appt this week for pap smear/bresst check and general preconception checkup. this weekend i said to Hubby 'so you tend to smile and nod and agree with my thoughts on our future and then throw me a curve ball later on. so just to confirm you are on board with everything I've said yes?' and he says 'yes new job, move cities, buy a house and then try for a baby december NEXT year' oh dear. I'm pretty bummed

Gah Mr. Hippi Pixi

Sorry he said next December. At least it wasn't a look of terror and indefinite postponement...

Maybe he's been thinking next year and didn't realize you were thinking this December?

I hope he gets the new job and loves it!
Once you move and settle in, maybe he'll be ready sooner?

On the up side -- If you've got a full year to wait, you can spend it getting ready! Set up a nursery in your new house, maybe start buying baby supplies when you see them on sales (you know those season end things where prices are super low)...


I know it is tough.
So many mixed feelings and so hard to get excited when it feels like every time you do something comes up to postpone.

 

[TooPatient]

Ugh how annoying! I have the same timeline for this year. My appointment to have the BC removed is August 18th and then we're waiting for my cycles to come back to start tracking. We will officially be trying in December as long as everything comes back normal. I've not had a normal cycle in over four years because of my BC so I'm not sure how long it'll take. Only one week to go until I'm on active prevention duty. I have to start the vitamins too. Now that it's here it feels so fast!

So close!!!!

I can't believe you're almost there!

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

Ugh how annoying! I have the same timeline for this year. My appointment to have the BC removed is August 18th and then we're waiting for my cycles to come back to start tracking. We will officially be trying in December as long as everything comes back normal. I've not had a normal cycle in over four years because of my BC so I'm not sure how long it'll take. Only one week to go until I'm on active prevention duty. I have to start the vitamins too. Now that it's here it feels so fast!

So close!!!!

I can't believe you're almost there!

Neither can I! It's going to be weird to have to actively prevent again since I'm so used to being on a very reliable BC but I think we'll be fine. I have also started buying small but random baby things here and there. I have a private amazon wish list and if I see something is at a very good discount I've been know to buy it, lol.

Oddly I'm most looking forward to using the OPKs and tracking my cycle. I've never done that before. I'll post again after the BC is out on Monday. I've had one removed already and I hope this one comes out as easily and my screening is all clean. Fingers crossed!

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

...and the Dr. cancelled my appointment. Rescheduled for Sept. 5. Hopefully starting off with bumps on the TTC road means the rest of it will be smooth sailing. Let's see!

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

Before this thread get's buried and lost,

How are you all doing? My appointment to have my BC removed is tomorrow and all of my pre-natal vitamins arrived today. I decided to try the Honest Company vitamins, I got the prenatal, DHA/Omega 3, and the immunity defense. Here's hoping tomorrow goes well!

3 months until TTC!

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

It's done! The Nexplanon is out, the blood has been drawn, pap is finished, and prenatals all started. For the next three months I'll be working out as much as possible, eating as best as I can, and trying not to get pregnant in the meantime, ha.

Some juicy developments at work too. I'm a teacher and one of my paraprofessionals is in her first trimester. This poor woman has been throwing up so much that she lost 16 pounds in the last month, and she only weighed about 125 to start with. When I saw her at the first day of work on Tuesday she looked like she had cancer she was so thin and exhausted. Idiots kept telling her that kind of vomiting was normal, no way. I told her about Zofran and she got herself to the ER that night. Three bags of fluids and a RX for Zofran later and the poor thing has finally stopped throwing up.

It'll be pretty nuts if we both end up pregnant at the same time. It's going to be a long year!

 

[TooPatient]

It's done! The Nexplanon is out, the blood has been drawn, pap is finished, and prenatals all started. For the next three months I'll be working out as much as possible, eating as best as I can, and trying not to get pregnant in the meantime, ha.

Some juicy developments at work too. I'm a teacher and one of my paraprofessionals is in her first trimester. This poor woman has been throwing up so much that she lost 16 pounds in the last month, and she only weighed about 125 to start with. When I saw her at the first day of work on Tuesday she looked like she had cancer she was so thin and exhausted. Idiots kept telling her that kind of vomiting was normal, no way. I told her about Zofran and she got herself to the ER that night. Three bags of fluids and a RX for Zofran later and the poor thing has finally stopped throwing up.

It'll be pretty nuts if we both end up pregnant at the same time. It's going to be a long year!

WooHoo!!!!

Glad it is out and done! Just a few more months and you'll be ready to start trying

How horrible about your coworker! That is NOT normal So glad you were able to help her. That can't have been healthy!


Nothing new here.
Well, not much. Still waiting. DH still in limbo. "Employed" but laid off so can't really do much. No filing for unemployment or even interviewing until the middle of the month. Still holding out hope that he'll get stuff done quickly enough here that we can just do our own company.

Sad though. This was going to be the month I stopped birth control. Now that is postponed.

Trying to be positive. It gives me more time to focus and get done with my school. It also gives me lots of time to help "A" settle in to high school. And I can drink wine on our first anniversary!

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

It's done! The Nexplanon is out, the blood has been drawn, pap is finished, and prenatals all started. For the next three months I'll be working out as much as possible, eating as best as I can, and trying not to get pregnant in the meantime, ha.

Some juicy developments at work too. I'm a teacher and one of my paraprofessionals is in her first trimester. This poor woman has been throwing up so much that she lost 16 pounds in the last month, and she only weighed about 125 to start with. When I saw her at the first day of work on Tuesday she looked like she had cancer she was so thin and exhausted. Idiots kept telling her that kind of vomiting was normal, no way. I told her about Zofran and she got herself to the ER that night. Three bags of fluids and a RX for Zofran later and the poor thing has finally stopped throwing up.

It'll be pretty nuts if we both end up pregnant at the same time. It's going to be a long year!

WooHoo!!!!

Glad it is out and done! Just a few more months and you'll be ready to start trying

How horrible about your coworker! That is NOT normal So glad you were able to help her. That can't have been healthy!


Nothing new here.
Well, not much. Still waiting. DH still in limbo. "Employed" but laid off so can't really do much. No filing for unemployment or even interviewing until the middle of the month. Still holding out hope that he'll get stuff done quickly enough here that we can just do our own company.

Sad though. This was going to be the month I stopped birth control. Now that is postponed.

Trying to be positive. It gives me more time to focus and get done with my school. It also gives me lots of time to help "A" settle in to high school. And I can drink wine on our first anniversary!

It'll all pan out! Yay for finishing school and wine!

 

[TooPatient]

Toopatient It sucks feeling like you are in Limbo. I hope it all works out for you. a higher income and more job satisfaction sound good.

I don't feel like I have anyone else to talk to right now so I'm here again. I feel like we took 2 steps forward and 1 step back. Hubby has been offered a job in the new city we're moving to. he will work there 2 days a week while working 4 days at his current job to see how it goes and then give notice at the old job if all goes well and we will move. we had agreed to start trying for a baby in December so i have an appt this week for pap smear/bresst check and general preconception checkup. this weekend i said to Hubby 'so you tend to smile and nod and agree with my thoughts on our future and then throw me a curve ball later on. so just to confirm you are on board with everything I've said yes?' and he says 'yes new job, move cities, buy a house and then try for a baby december NEXT year' oh dear. I'm pretty bummed

How are things going with the new job and move and all that?

Hope it is all going great and NEXT year has become THIS year

 

[hippi_pixi]

AsscherHaloLover- You've definitely got the ball rolling. sounds like removing the implant went well and you're all set for TTC!

Toopatient - I'm sure it won't be long before this awkward limbo stage is behind you

We haven't moved yet... My husband started a new job 2 days a week, on top of the 4 days he was already working 8-7. He wanted the overlap to be sure the new job was a keeper before giving notice at the old. the new job is not working out as we had hoped, they hired him and offered him 2 days a week until we move but he works on commission and has only had a couple of hours work on the days he had any work at all. so he's now looking for something else. We're in talks with a job we turned down a month ago that we know realise has better prospects but I think needs someone full time very soon and he needs to give 2 months notice. so I'm trying to convince him to have a leap of faith and give his 2 months notice, so we can just move on with our lives. we have a decent amount of savings to survive a lean period if need be

I'm very excited to move because it is barrier no. 1 to TTC, but finding the situation very stressful too. I'm also waiting to give notice to my work until we know when we are moving, I'm so beyond ready to do this since i emotionally checked out of this job a year ago when we decided to move.

I pretty much told hubby that come december I am trying for a baby. with or without him he's allergic to change but is coping pretty well with it all

apparently William and Kate are expecting number 2!