Wanting but Waiting...

[TooPatient]

AL -- OMG
So cute!!!!

Okay....
So poor DH got to hear me yesterday. I'll spare him today and talk with all of you who understand instead!

We're getting so close!
OMG

So I know it will work out great. I know we have the financial ability to make it work. I know we can do all that.
It just seems so scary. So irreversible. So.... EEEEeeeek!!!!

We've decided to do minor stuff around the house for now and postpone any major remodel stuff for at least 2 years. My logic being (and DH agreed) that we've got another 4 months before we start trying. Even if we got pregnant right away, it would be another 9 months before there was a baby in the house and then we could easily keep the baby in a bassinet in our room for the first few months and then move the sewing stuff out of the office so we'd have an office/nursery combo until we did the mega remodel. (I figure a kid won't be scarred if they share a room with a computer until they are a year or so old!)

But then I can't help going back to OMG!!!!
I'd love to have more money in savings. I'd love to have a stable job rather than starting my career with an infant at home. I'd love to travel with DH.

I know (logically) that it makes sense to have a baby while I'm not working anyway so we don't lose my income for a couple of more years. I also know that I can do the online Master's degree so I don't have a gap and can still meet with all of the recruiters.


EEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKK!!!!

Okay....

That said, I'm trying to figure out how to best time things (not that you have much control over that!). I need to not have a due date earlier than 6/20/15. I also need to not have an early baby before that date. That is spring quarter and I have a class I HAVE to complete that is only offered one time per year.
Ideally, I'd be able to finish school quarter and then have the baby in the last couple of weeks of June or early July (I'd love July for the rubies!) so that I can be home full time until the end of September when I'd have a few hours several days a week at school but mostly just at home. Schedule would be like that for a year and a half or so and then I'd do the online Master's program so I'd be home full time for another 2 years.

I don't want to quit bc until we're ready for immediate pregnancy because it could happen any time after that. I'm contemplating ending when I remove in September (but due date calculator estimates dd could be as early as 6/1 or ending in October (dd as early as 7/1. I'd sort of lean towards September because that gives a couple of cycles that would time just perfect edd's before the start of the next school year but I worry about planning to be in class up to a couple of days before...
But of course you never know as reading through the pregnancy threads here you can see all sorts of stuff like confined to bed early on or emergency delivery or early delivery or ....


GAH!!!
I'm a big planner and this is the sort of thing that has too many unknowns and things you can't control!

(Oh, and waiting until after school isn't an option because DH will be 58 in one week so I don't want to wait 2-3 years or more...)

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

Ya just gotta dive in! Best of luck!

 

[SMC]

TooPatient, I was just reading threads because I'm bored at work today and saw your post. If you're still on the pill, I'd get off at least 3 months before you start trying for real. It took me about 3 months for my cycle to get regular again. We used condoms until we were really ready.

It also seems like you have a very narrow desired delivery window which only gives you one, maybe 2, cycles to get pregnant before the window closes. Seems like that's a lot of pressure as sometimes it doesn't happen so soon. You should give yourself more time and relax. If you end up getting pregnant at an inopportune time, I'm sure you'll find a way to deal with it!

 

[Niel]

Where are the Sebastian pics?!?!?!?

We got home late Saturday night with him and yesterday was very busy! Here he is!

Amazing.
My Mort is a cav. My mom has a cav too. Mort's a ruby and my mother has a tri color. Best dogs ever

 

[TooPatient]

TooPatient, I was just reading threads because I'm bored at work today and saw your post. If you're still on the pill, I'd get off at least 3 months before you start trying for real. It took me about 3 months for my cycle to get regular again. We used condoms until we were really ready.

It also seems like you have a very narrow desired delivery window which only gives you one, maybe 2, cycles to get pregnant before the window closes. Seems like that's a lot of pressure as sometimes it doesn't happen so soon. You should give yourself more time and relax. If you end up getting pregnant at an inopportune time, I'm sure you'll find a way to deal with it!

Thanks for the experience!
I've been on the NuvaRing for 10+ years now so I'm not sure how long it will take to get back regular again. It seems like it really varies from almost no time at all to many many months (and possibly needing dr assistance). This is one of the things I've been thinking about and trying to sort out. I'm leaning towards taking it out in September as that would mean the earliest due date would be just at the start of the time we're aiming for but even if it takes a few months (or more) to sort out it would still be just fine timing. A few months seems to be a sort of average timing to re-adjust with some women sooner and some later. (or at least it seems that way from what I've read)

The "ideal" window is a couple of months, but that is really just a wouldn't it be great if..... sort of timing.
It would be VERY awkward if I was pregnant prior to that time (as I'd be almost through with a quarter and taking a class offered only once per year and required for a transfer so it would postpone my transfer for at least a year) but definitely no big issue if it was after. I could easily shift transfer times or work with the department to do online the first couple of quarters or one of a dozen other possibilities.

I'm hoping to stay relaxed through the whole thing and just take life as it happens.

I do love being able to come here and have all of you around who have BTDT or are there right now and understand. This isn't something I talk with people other than DH about and he doesn't quite understand all of the female hormone quirks

 

[4ever]

Today feels like a good day to stop lurking around all the baby talk and say hello.

Hello!

After some having a big talk with DH this last few weeks about making a timeline for TTC I have been doing a lot of thinking, and reading back through this thread I feel so much better after reading that many of you are, or have been, in the same position as I am now.

So, to introduce myself in my current situation (I think some of you may remember me from LIW and BWW); I pretty much feel like at this moment in time, my life is as close to perfect as it could get. I've been married for 2 years and am very happy in my relationship with DH, we bought our first (family sized!) house almost a year ago and I really love my job.

I can't really imagine being happier except...DH is 8 yrs older and his biological clock has been ticking since before we met. I don't want him to be an "old dad" (his words) and I want his parents (who started their family later themselves) to be well enough to visit their grandkids as they live overseas. I can see the benefits of being a younger mum and am now coming to the realisation that I may never feel "ready" to have kids.

So, the only things really holding us back is a) for a control freak like me, it seams pretty terrifying to voluntarily do something that will completely rearrange my life in ways I can not actually fully comprehend and possibly do not have control over, and b) I dirive so much self estime and pride from my work and I feel like I have only just started out (it's been a year and a bit) and I have so much more I could do in this job, I kind of feel like having a baby now would be career suiside. My boss told me when I interviewed that it is a full time job and not well suited if I planned to leave and have babies.

We've has a pregnancy "scare" recently, HPT says BFN but currently waiting on blood tests to be sure. This has got me thinking (a lot!) about, assuming it comes back negative, when we will start trying.

So hi, thats us at the moment. I would be particularly interested in hearing from any mums about how having kids affected their career, short and long term, and if anyone managed to go back to work full time post baby.

thanks

 

[JGator]

TooPatient, you also should consider starting prenatals 3 months before you start TTC. I think it's the Folic Acid in the prenatal that you should be building up in your system in advance of pregnancy.

 

[SMC]

TooPatient, you also should consider starting prenatals 3 months before you start TTC. I think it's the Folic Acid in the prenatal that you should be building up in your system in advance of pregnancy.

Ooh yeah, that's good advice! I started my prenatals back in January but wasn't religious about taking them (oops) until we seriously started trying. I've read that the B6 in prenatals also helps temper the severity of your morning sickness, but you have to have it at healthy levels in your system before you get pregnant.

 

[TooPatient]

TooPatient, you also should consider starting prenatals 3 months before you start TTC. I think it's the Folic Acid in the prenatal that you should be building up in your system in advance of pregnancy.

Great reminder!

My doctor knows we're planning to TTC and gave the go ahead for when we are ready! She said any of the prenatals are fine to use. I guess I should probably look at getting some

I'm also trying to get in a bit better shape so that my body is ready. My ab muscles are weak and I've seen suggestions that making them as strong as possible might help have an easier pregnancy & recovery.


4ever

Exciting to see you around here!
This is an amazing thread full of ladies who have great advice and listen to the craziest of OMG moments. I don't know what I'd do without everyone here!

There was a thread about how having kids affected careers. I can't remember exactly what it was called, but I'll try to find it later (unless someone else remembers?).

You aren't alone in the "I'm not ready.... yes I am.... no I'm not.... am I?!?!??" sort of thoughts

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

Welcome 4ever!

I have been on the fence about starting to TTC for years and I finally set a time line about a year before and I'm actually getting more excited as I get closer. I also love planning so it's helped me to have an extended and slowly approaching timeline.

Toopatient start those vitamins! I feel you on the working out, that was one of the big things I wanted to get into more and my sprained ankle has kept me at PT only. I have to see after this week if I can go back to the real gym and at least do the elliptical.

DH and I have our 6th wedding anniversary and 13th overall anniversary this Sunday! This will be (hopefully) the year of the baby! I'm a bit weird with numbers and it would make me really happy to actually be pregnant by our 7th and 14th years together. I'm still on track for BC coming out in August and then starting vitamins and getting as healthy as I can for TTC in December. I think the hard part will be using condoms in the not yet period lol.

ETA: 4ever do you mind sharing you career and what country you live in? I live in the US which has pretty horrible maternity leave, only mandatory 12 weeks unpaid leave with insurance, after that you're on your own (unless your company offers more as a perk). I am a teacher and I am allowed to use my sick time to be paid for maternity for only 6 weeks and then unpaid but insured for up to 12 weeks. I plan on taking maybe 8 weeks as I can't imagine not being paid! Most of my friends have gone back to work within 12 weeks around here. We are all working professionals. The only person who I know who has seen trouble with maternity leave is an accountant. She said most women at her firm leave after having a baby and if they return end up working at another firm.

 

[star sparkle]

4ever, you are definitely not alone!! I posted my freak out a couple pages back, and it's basically the same things you mentioned. I'm so glad to know I'm not the only one who doesn't feel "ready," even though we have a plan to start TTC soon.

On that note, we're scheduled to start trying in 3 months. Eeek! Guess I should start those prenatals?

 

[TooPatient]

Looks like people recover best if they do ab/core strengthening early (like before TTC) and also start building up bladder muscles using kegel (spelling?) exercises to help maintain continence.

Has anyone done or not done these? Doing these?

 

[4ever]

Thanks for the welcome!

Asscher- I'm in New Zealand and I'm a jewellery buyer for a larger retail chain. NZ is a small country and there are not a lot of good buying jobs to be had and very very few in this industry, so there is no way I'm giving this job up any time soon if I can help it!
Paid parental leave here is 14 weeks and there are plans for this to increase to 18 weeks by 2016. Your employer is also legally obligated to hold your job open for you for a year if you are on maternity leave. 14weeks does not seem long enough to me but compared to the US it's a dream! I expect I will have to return to work soon after this time because realistically we would struggle to pay the morgage on just DHs salary.

I have already started my mental before TTC checklist;
-Finish decorating the guest room so my mum can stay with us for a while to help and DHs parents can visit. We can do the 3rd bedroom when we are expecting since I don't see the point of decorating as an office and then painting all over again.
-I have got to get fit! I have pretty much no core strength and I'm a bit more jiggly than I was a few years ago. I need to start good fitness habits or I will never loose the baby weight.
-Save for a new car. I still have my first car and it is old. It's reliable but repairs a frequent and expensive. I don't feel that it is safe enough to transport kids in.

At the moment I'm thinking roughly we might be able to start trying March-june ish next year. This should leave me free for traveling ( buying trip) early next year and will hopefully time the birth to be at the least busy time of the year at work. I realise I am perhaps being a little too optimistic about having a baby causing minimum work disruption, I will try but who knows how things will work out.

 

[4ever]

4ever, you are definitely not alone!! I posted my freak out a couple pages back, and it's basically the same things you mentioned. I'm so glad to know I'm not the only one who doesn't feel "ready," even though we have a plan to start TTC soon.

Your freak out got me to post! It's very reassuring to know that I'm not the only one feeling this way!

 

[4ever]

DH and I have our 6th wedding anniversary and 13th overall anniversary this Sunday! This will be (hopefully) the year of the baby! I'm a bit weird with numbers and it would make me really happy to actually be pregnant by our 7th and 14th years together. I'm still on track for BC coming out in August and then starting vitamins and getting as healthy as I can for TTC in December. I think the hard part will be using condoms in the not yet period lol.

Congratulations for tomorrow!

I know what you mean about numbers, I told DH this week that if we conceived in a particular 4 month period in 2016, the baby would be born in an even numbered year when we were both even numbered ages. The look he gave me in reply was not very encouraging

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

DH and I have our 6th wedding anniversary and 13th overall anniversary this Sunday! This will be (hopefully) the year of the baby! I'm a bit weird with numbers and it would make me really happy to actually be pregnant by our 7th and 14th years together. I'm still on track for BC coming out in August and then starting vitamins and getting as healthy as I can for TTC in December. I think the hard part will be using condoms in the not yet period lol.

Congratulations for tomorrow!

I know what you mean about numbers, I told DH this week that if we conceived in a particular 4 month period in 2016, the baby would be born in an even numbered year when we were both even numbered ages. The look he gave me in reply was not very encouraging

Hahahahaha I love and totally get it! And your job sounds like some major fun! I really think you are doing yourself a good service by planning so far ahead. It is true that things won't always go as planned but it helps us control freaks feel better about it when we've had a long time to think about it.

As far as the core strength goes, at home yoga is great! I'm actually quite a lot overweight but I have surprisingly good core strength from doing daily 20 min yoga in the mornings with my students at school. I was evaluated by a trainer when I joined a gym and he was happily surprised. You can also easily practice planking at home which will whip you up quickly without risking injury to your back or other body parts like poor form crunches or sit ups. Even for the keegle muscles, I practice every time I go!

 

[amc80]

4ever- where in nz are you? I lived in sucks for a year in high school as an exchange student. Such a wonderful country!

As for the abs- I was in pretty good shape when we tried for #1. I had just done a 1/2 marathon the month before and made it a point to keep working out through my pregnancy. I had bad luck, though, and had preterm contractions at 29 weeks. So no more working out for me. But I can't even tell you how much fitness and strength I lost from sitting on my butt for the 10 weeks until delivery and the 6m until I could physically work out after B was born. My advice is to get into a good routine (if you aren't) and stick with it for as long as you can. I'm a little nervous to do anything too intense after what happened last time, but I'll definitely be walking on the treadmill or riding the stationary bike. I figure anything is better than nothing. As for abs, get them in now because it's fairly early on that you have to stop ab work. One thing that's really weird about pregnancy is you have to work on relaxing your abs. It was really hard for me because I feel like I spend so much time keeping things sucked in a tight.

 

[4ever]

Amc- I'm in Auckland.

I don't want to buy any exercise equipment and a hate the gym with a passion, I think I will have to get DH on board with some walking or running. He could do with loosing a bit of tummy If he's hoping to keep up with small people in the future.

 

[amc80]

Amc- I'm in Auckland. I don't want to buy any exercise equipment and a hate the gym with a passion, I think I will have to get DH on board with some walking or running. He could do with loosing a bit of tummy If he's hoping to keep up with small people in the future.

Awesome! I went to Mt. Roskill for have of 6th and half of 7th form.

 

[4ever]

Amc- I'm in Auckland. I don't want to buy any exercise equipment and a hate the gym with a passion, I think I will have to get DH on board with some walking or running. He could do with loosing a bit of tummy If he's hoping to keep up with small people in the future.

Awesome! I went to Mt. Roskill for have of 6th and half of 7th form.

We lived in Mt Roskill for the 3 1/2 years before we bought our house. Small world! Did you get to travel around much while you were here?
We are out west now because we couldn't even afford a 2 bed unit in the central city, house prices have gone mad!

 

[amc80]

We lived in Mt Roskill for the 3 1/2 years before we bought our house. Small world! Did you get to travel around much while you were here? We are out west now because we couldn't even afford a 2 bed unit in the central city, house prices have gone mad!

Oh how funny! I did get to see most of the country. My grandparents came over to visit and we spent two weeks touring. Made it all the way to Queenstown and back! Such great memories.

 

[4ever]

Do you all watch One Born Every Minute?
DH was out with friends last night so I took the opertunity to watch a few episodes. I don't know what I expected but it was simultantiosly extremely terrifying and very fascinating. I also cried through pretty much the whole thing.

I'm not sure that it made me want to go through that any more, but man it's addictive tv viewing!

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

Do you all watch One Born Every Minute?
DH was out with friends last night so I took the opertunity to watch a few episodes. I don't know what I expected but it was simultantiosly extremely terrifying and very fascinating. I also cried through pretty much the whole thing.

I'm not sure that it made me want to go through that any more, but man it's addictive tv viewing!

I've never seen it but I have been at a few births and heard enough to get an idea. It's def the pregnancy and birth that gives me the most fear. Newborns I've handled, the pregnancy and birth, nope, lol.

With this school year wrapping up for me it blows my mind to think that I may be pregnant this time next year. Heck I might be pregnant by January! Less than six months to go...

How's it going for you ladies w an earlier timeline? Has anyone started the vitamins and tracking yet?

 

[TooPatient]

Do you all watch One Born Every Minute?
DH was out with friends last night so I took the opertunity to watch a few episodes. I don't know what I expected but it was simultantiosly extremely terrifying and very fascinating. I also cried through pretty much the whole thing.

I'm not sure that it made me want to go through that any more, but man it's addictive tv viewing!

I've never seen it but I have been at a few births and heard enough to get an idea. It's def the pregnancy and birth that gives me the most fear. Newborns I've handled, the pregnancy and birth, nope, lol.

With this school year wrapping up for me it blows my mind to think that I may be pregnant this time next year. Heck I might be pregnant by January! Less than six months to go...

How's it going for you ladies w an earlier timeline? Has anyone started the vitamins and tracking yet?

I've seen just enough of birth to know I don't want to see more. I'll deal with it when the time comes (I mean... it isn't like you can back out once the baby is there!) but have no plans to watch any in detail. Planning to talk to the wife of a friend (she's had 5!) who is super helpful in such areas.

Just finished my quarter on Thursday so haven't had time to get vitamins yet. Need to get on with finding the one I want to take.
No plans to track for at least a few months of trying. (of course being a planner I may or may not be able to stick with the no tracking )

 

[4ever]

Our TTC timeline currently has us starting about 9- 10 months away.
Now that I'm getting my head around the idea that seems like a very long time to wait.

 

[bobbin]

4ever, I don't know the reasons behind the 9-10 month wait but that time will FLY by. If it will mean you are in a better financial/career/personal position, I would wait.

I used to watch one born every minute a lot when I was pregnant, and as I learnt more about birth towards the end of the pregnancy I used to yell at the TV whenever it was on as some of the practices of the nurses/hospitals and the behavior of the dads infuriated me!


I can't remember when I was last on. I am very, very clucky right now! We have a loose timeline of starting to TTC mid-late next year, so 12 - 18 months away. DD will be 3-3.5 when we start to TTC. If it were completely up to me without any external pressures, we would start now, but we are currently living in an awful tiny house and are about to sign a building contract to knock it down and rebuild it. We need joint income whilst we are building. I have also started a new job in the last three months and need to put some time in there as I have a lot of responsibility there, and DH is studying and super stressed. I am hoping he will be finished studying by the time the next baby is here.

I sometimes feel that it is so far away, but then I realise that our original TTC timeline was December this year, and when I thought about that last year it seemed FOREVER away, but now last year seemed like only yesterday. The time will fly.

 

[star sparkle]

I've been using OPKs for the last 5 months or so, but that's the extent of my "tracking." I tried temping in the beginning, but it just won't work for me. I'm a horrible sleeper and I NEVER wake up at the same time every morning, and I also rarely sleep any given night for more than 2-3 hours uninterrupted. My OPKs have been positive each month like clockwork, though, so hopefully that'll be enough.

No vitamins for me, yet. I should get on that.

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

I've been using OPKs for the last 5 months or so, but that's the extent of my "tracking." I tried temping in the beginning, but it just won't work for me. I'm a horrible sleeper and I NEVER wake up at the same time every morning, and I also rarely sleep any given night for more than 2-3 hours uninterrupted. My OPKs have been positive each month like clockwork, though, so hopefully that'll be enough.

No vitamins for me, yet. I should get on that.

It's good to know that you've found those work for you! I plan on starting them once and the BC comes out in August.

 

[4ever]

4ever, I don't know the reasons behind the 9-10 month wait but that time will FLY by. If it will mean you are in a better financial/career/personal position, I would wait.

I used to watch one born every minute a lot when I was pregnant, and as I learnt more about birth towards the end of the pregnancy I used to yell at the TV whenever it was on as some of the practices of the nurses/hospitals and the behavior of the dads infuriated me!


I can't remember when I was last on. I am very, very clucky right now! We have a loose timeline of starting to TTC mid-late next year, so 12 - 18 months away. DD will be 3-3.5 when we start to TTC. If it were completely up to me without any external pressures, we would start now, but we are currently living in an awful tiny house and are about to sign a building contract to knock it down and rebuild it. We need joint income whilst we are building. I have also started a new job in the last three months and need to put some time in there as I have a lot of responsibility there, and DH is studying and super stressed. I am hoping he will be finished studying by the time the next baby is here.

I sometimes feel that it is so far away, but then I realise that our original TTC timeline was December this year, and when I thought about that last year it seemed FOREVER away, but now last year seemed like only yesterday. The time will fly.

ATM we are planning on April next year. Mostly it's me just trying my best to fit procreating in around work, so hopefully I will only miss the quietest part of the year and my boss won't be so pissed at me.
My impatience is just a reflection of my need for action as soon as I've made my mind up about something, however I think waiting will hopefully help me feel more excited about babies.

Building a new house sounds exciting! However with building AND your new job, I can see that adding a new baby to the mix might not be ideal!

 

[jazzoboe]

Hi all!

I feel like it's finally time to de-lurk and dip my toes into this thread.

DH and I have been married about 3 1/2 years now, and our timeline has pretty much been getting pushed out farther and farther for the last few years, but I think we're finally starting to move a bit closer. When we got married it was "at least 3 years" and then as time passed we kept saying we felt like we were probably 3 years out. Now I've got him down to 2 but I suspect we may not wait that long. We are fairly young still (I'm about to turn 27) so we have plenty of time, but our best friends just had a baby and he is ADORABLE! They are the first of our friends to have kids so it will be interesting to see how things change. We took them dinner last night and snuggled with the baby and I could see DH just melting. He threatened to withhold sex for 6 months because he's afraid I'm getting ideas Of course I totally am getting ideas.

Anyway, a little background. Financially we would be okay to handle a baby now, but we're really trying hard to live fairly frugally and put all the extra toward building savings and paying off our cars and student loans. In another year or two when we have some things paid off I think we will feel more comfortable. DH's biggest reason for waiting is that he thinks having a baby will pretty much end our social life. The first year we were married we had almost no friends living nearby, but we have since gotten close with a couple different groups of friends and had our best friends move back to town, so now we are always busy hanging out with people on weekends and enjoying the freedom of being able to go out and do things at the drop of the hat. Understandably he worries that that would all stop if we had a kid. And yes, I agree, it would definitely slow down, but we do have our both sets of parents close by, so we will always have babysitters, it'll just take more planning to do things.

For me, the biggest issue is wanting to get healthy and in shape before I get pregnant. I started steadily gaining weight while in college and blamed in on poor diet and little exercise but then I started eating very healthy and exercising regularly and the weight would not come off. Last fall I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism (Hashimoto's), which had helped explain the weight gain and the fact that I have very low energy, but unfortunately I have not yet found the right combination of meds, supplements, and diet/exercise to help much.

I have an awesome doctor who listens to me and takes me seriously, tested my hormones and glucose/insulin among other things, and had me stop birth control a few months ago, as she agreed that it would only hinder my progress. I was pretty nervous since I had long, irregular cycles and horrible cramps before I started bc, but luckily my cycles resumes pretty much right on schedule and have been fairly regular. I've been trying to temp to track my cycle just to have an idea of what is going on, and it looks like I'm ovulating, so that's definitely good news! My insulin was a little on the high side even though my blood glucose levels were okay, so doc's got me on a few supplements to try to get it down, but if there is no improvement when we test again in a couple of months she will probably start me on metformin. Mostly I'm just frustrated because I'm working hard and can feel my body getting stronger but just cannot shed the extra fat, and I'm afraid if I get pregnant before I get it off, it will only be twice as hard later. However, I think if I could get in better shape I would feel ready for a baby soon. I feel like I've started seeing them everywhere I look for the first time have the feeling of certainty that I really want to be a mother.

So no definite timeline yet, but I can officially say that I am wanting, but I am waiting. Best of luck to you all who are getting closer to TTC!