Wedding Announcements for Elopers -- Will people think I''m asking for gifts?

[Loves Vintage]

We are eloping (no guests) in June. The people in my life now already know about this. A lot of people who I''ve lost touch with or who we seldom talk to (like people from former jobs and schools, etc.) are not aware, simply because we have not spoken with them recently. I would like to send out wedding announcements when we get back both to everyone who knows we are eloping anyway (sort of as a formality, I guess) and to all of those people who we would like to know about our good news.

The thing is, I would be truly horrified if anyone thought we sent out announcements because we were asking for gifts!! I DO NOT want any gifts. I DO NOT need any gifts. But, I seriously seriously do not want anyone to think they are somehow obligated to send a gift. And, you can''t send them back, so then I would totally freak out and feel guilty about having sent our announcements, which makes me think that perhaps I should not send them out!!

So, I asked an acquaintance who eloped what she did - and she said they did not send out announcements because her husband was afraid people would think they were looking for gifts!

That would be enough to answer my question, except I have you guys to pose my endless musings to -- should I send them or not?

 

[Rhea]

Yes, for my information. I don''t want to slip up should I run into you and not know that you''re married.

I have a friend who eloped and then sent announcements...which had her registry information in them. I''m grown up enough to decide, no matter what the couple expected, if I want to send a gift or not. I think putting registry information in the invitation is appalling but I think in friend''s case she wasn''t thinking (you know how some places give you cards to put in your invitations, she did that, I think she just wasn''t thinking).

In some ways, for me, it''s like sending a birth announcement. Please let me know that your child has been born. I may send a card. I may send a gift. But I don''t think updating me as to the change in your family is gift grabbing.

 

[Sabine]

I think announcements are nice, and will NOT make you look like you are asking for gifts. You may have to realize that some people are going to send gifts whether you want them or not, but sending the announcements is just a nice gesture to update the people in your life.

 

[mia1181]

LV- You''re eloping too?!

We are planning on sending out announcements for our elopement too. Like you, we don''t want any gifts we just want everyone to know we did it! We are having a photographer take pics of the ceremony and then do some more formal shots after. And we are going to use the pictures in the announcements so people can see what we looked like. I really want people to see that it was just as special as any other wedding, but it was just private. I guess I feel like eloping gets such a bad rap, but it doesn''t have to be about sneaking away in the middle of the night and getting married by elvis while your wearing jeans and a t-shirt.

Are you eloping locally or doing the destination thing?

 

[neatfreak]

I believe that in this situation I would certainly send an announcement, after the fact, but geez would I NOT include registry info! That to me sounds like fishing for gifts...but if friends of mine eloped I would certainly love to receive an announcement (esp. if it included a great photo of them on the day of.) And as long as no registry info is included in the announcement I would not see that as fishing for gifts at all.

I think Surfgirl sent out really chic announcements after her elopement if I remember correctly...I'd try to find those on here if you can.

 

[surfgirl]

LV, we eloped last summer and we sent out formal wedding announcements to friends and family. We weren't expecting any gifts but sometimes people want to give a gift anyway. You can do something as simple as a STD-style post card, or something more elaborate. We did envelopments and added a photo of us from our wedding day, and we went the extra mile and did hand calligraphy on the addresses. And I have to tell you, it makes you feel "bridal" sending out announcements. You dont get to do the wedding invitation thing, and this sort of takes the place of that. I highly recommend it. You're just telling people your wonderful news! That's all. I dont think anyone assumes you're fishing for gifts. I would do it again. It's a nice way to share your happy news with people you care about.

ETA: HA! neatfreak, we were posting at the same time girl...Great minds think alike, eh? neatfreak is right, I had posted my announcements here but I dont see them anymore. Maybe someone can find them. I know I took down some threads because the Mr. felt it was too much photo identity on the internet but I thought those were still around...I had a blast making them up. They were half printed, with a space for a photo. Like neatfreak mentioned, we wanted to share a photo of our special day with everyone that we would have invited to a wedding anyway...It all worked our really well. We had a great photo and got lots of positive responses from our announcements. Do it, if you think it'll be fun for you!

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Just wanted to say I wish I could join you in eloping right about now!

 

[ephemery1]

I think it's a lovely idea to send an announcement. And depending on the wording/format, you may be able to include a line at the bottom that specifies "No gifts, please!" if you are truly concerned that people will see it that way. "We have found everything we need in each other, so need for cards or gifts... we just wanted to share our happiness with you." or something less sappy if you prefer.

ETA -- "The love and support of our family and friends is all we really need, so no gifts, please." might be another wording option....

 

[Haven]

Yes, I think you should send out wedding announcements. If people think that an announcement is your way of asking for gifts it just shows their ignorance, because that is certainly not the case.

PLEASE do not include a "no gifts, please" sentiment on the announcements though. No matter how "nicely" you word it, mentioning gifts on an invitation or an announcement is just plain tacky. And I think it would be extra tacky on an announcement, because a gift is NOT required and certainly should not be expected in response to an announcement.

ETA: Do know, though, that some people will send you a gift regardless just because they care about you and want to acknowledge your marriage in that way.

 

[Rhea]

I agree with Haven on the not including anything about gifts. To include it is, in my opinion, tacky, and says that you''ve thought about people giving you gifts.

 

[spike13]

I''m eloping too and looked this question up on an etiquette site. As far as I understand it, it is perfectly proper to send announcements to let people know you''ve gotten married and not seen as a gift grab (unless you include the registry info - which you''re not supposed to do).
The rule is to send them the day after the wedding to anyone not invited.

That said I wonder if it would be appropriate to simply state that you don''t want any gifts sent, of course worded properly.

Or is that somehow rude, because you''re presuming people would want to send gifts if you didn''t say it?

I feel the same way, I don''t want any gifts and don''t want any sent, so I look forward to more opinions.

Does someone have a link to what Surfgirl did?

 

[lauralu]

I would see it as an announcement as well. Like a birth announcement! I think it''s important and I would love getting one from a friend who eloped. Especially seeing them in a pic from their wedding day! I would not in the least think it''s about asking for gifts. You are announcing your marriage, not inviting them to the ceremony and reception and such.

Some people of coarse, will feel like they want a gift though because they care about you, not because it obligates them...IMHO anyway...

 

[Loves Vintage]

Date: 4/6/2008 11:39:17 AM
Author: Addy
Yes, for my information. I don''t want to slip up should I run into you and not know that you''re married.


I have a friend who eloped and then sent announcements...which had her registry information in them. I''m grown up enough to decide, no matter what the couple expected, if I want to send a gift or not. I think putting registry information in the invitation is appalling but I think in friend''s case she wasn''t thinking (you know how some places give you cards to put in your invitations, she did that, I think she just wasn''t thinking).


In some ways, for me, it''s like sending a birth announcement. Please let me know that your child has been born. I may send a card. I may send a gift. But I don''t think updating me as to the change in your family is gift grabbing.

Thanks, Addy. This is a very helpful way to look at it - to update people on the happy occasion in my life.

Re: registry info, I would never include registry information mainly because we aren''t registering for anything. I''m 34 and bought my second house just a few weeks before meeting the love of my life. We seriously need not a thing, but on top of that, I would hate for anyone to send me anything because we are not having party of any sort. I was worried because, for exampled, I would like to send announcements to quite a few of the lovely ladies that I have worked with over the years with whom I had developed special bonds at work. Quite a few of them are retired now. I would love for them to know that I have met the man of my dreams. It would, however, break my heart just a little bit to think of them dipping into their retirement accounts to send me a crystal vase. But, that''s just me. I will send out announcements because I want the people who have been important to me and have given me advice over the years to know about our marriage and how happy we are.

 

[mia1181]

CV- Wow the your location is gorgeous! You must be so excited!

I know what you mean about getting more and more excited.... unfortunately I''ve had a little setback, but I am trying to look at it as more time to work on planning the few things I get to plan. Everyone keeps suggesting we get married in July as planned and go on the honeymoon in September. But since we have been together 9 years, (living together . I want the whole marriage and honeymoon to feel like a whirlwind, so I really feel married KWIM? We''ve been engaged for like 3 years, so a few more months isn''t going to kill me (although I feel like it will!

)

I just don''t know how I am going to keep that wedding band off my finger until then! I wear it around the house sometimes, but I know if I wear it too much it won''t feel as special when it is for real.

Oh, I have no idea when we will get our photos to be able to send out announcements. The most important people in our lives will get a phone call right away, but everyone else will have to wait for the announcements. I guess it helps that we are originally from NY so we won''t be running into any distant friends or family.

This is the photographer we are thinking of going with.
http://www.iqphoto.com/cityhall/index.htm

I like that he has a photojournalistic style and he has a package specifically taylored to "city hall weddings." Anyway, I would like to try and get announcements out right away so I am going to ask if he can email me a couple of pictures while we are on the honeymoon and I can get them put on cards and have my order sent to my boss''s house. I was thinking of having labels made of all the people I am sending them to so all she has to do is stick on labels and stamps on the cards and send them out. That way they can be sent out immediately. Okay I know there is a slim chance this will happen but I love the idea of everyone finding out while I''m still on my honeymoon.

Oh, I am looking around for a place to order the cards, and I found this website: http://www.picaboo.com/
I like them because it is totally custom, you can use more than just one pic and can pick everything from the actual layout of the cards, to the font type, size and color. I also will add the address of the photographers website so everyone can see more pictures. The only problem is they are very pricey at $2.49 each. I might just do a flat 2-sided card instead for just $1.49.

Okay I feel like I''ve written a book!

 

[SuLi]

My FI and I are in the same predicament....we are eloping in October. As soon as we got engaged and told family and friends of our plan, people immediately asked us where we were registered, which really confused me. I think I even posted a question about it here sometime last year.

My FI''s family is throwing an informal "shower"/picnic for us in June, and I believe my own family is throwing another informal get together in the fall. I really did not want either (hence, eloping), but decided that I didn''t want to be stressed or pulled in different directions by family (a whole other issue). I made it very clear to them that the only way my FI and I were showing up at either gathering was if people did not bring gifts.

We are planning on sending a wedding announcement after we get married, and HOPE that people don''t think it''s a call for gifts.

Good luck to you!

 

[Loves Vintage]

Date: 4/6/2008 12:58:32 PM
Author: surfgirl
LV, we eloped last summer and we sent out formal wedding announcements to friends and family. We weren''t expecting any gifts but sometimes people want to give a gift anyway. You can do something as simple as a STD-style post card, or something more elaborate. We did envelopments and added a photo of us from our wedding day, and we went the extra mile and did hand calligraphy on the addresses. And I have to tell you, it makes you feel ''bridal'' sending out announcements. You dont get to do the wedding invitation thing, and this sort of takes the place of that. I highly recommend it. You''re just telling people your wonderful news! That''s all. I dont think anyone assumes you''re fishing for gifts. I would do it again. It''s a nice way to share your happy news with people you care about.

ETA: HA! neatfreak, we were posting at the same time girl...Great minds think alike, eh? neatfreak is right, I had posted my announcements here but I dont see them anymore. Maybe someone can find them. I know I took down some threads because the Mr. felt it was too much photo identity on the internet but I thought those were still around...I had a blast making them up. They were half printed, with a space for a photo. Like neatfreak mentioned, we wanted to share a photo of our special day with everyone that we would have invited to a wedding anyway...It all worked our really well. We had a great photo and got lots of positive responses from our announcements. Do it, if you think it''ll be fun for you!

Thanks SurfGirl, You know, I was thinking, half the fun would be picking out the announcements themselves!! We will do announcements and will include photos. I wish I could see yours. Maybe you did have yours pulled because you had your pictures inside.

Thanks for sharing though. You''ve been very helpful during this whole engagement ring to elopement process. Still need to finalize the wedding band . . . .

 

[Loves Vintage]

Date: 4/6/2008 3:49:50 PM
Author: SarahLovesJS
Just wanted to say I wish I could join you in eloping right about now!

Ha Ha! Join the club!! Anytime!!

 

[surfgirl]

If you can wait a couple of weeks LV, I can re post a few of them. I''m out of the country right now and the photos aren''t on my laptop...

 

[Pandora II]

Oooh, Hvar is gorgeous.

FI and I went to Croatia 2 years ago for a couple of weeks in September.

My favourite place was Korcula - next island along after Hvar. It''s well worth a look - there is a monastery on an island nearby with these crazy deer who will run you down for a sandwich. They''re very cute but very into begging!

 

[enfianced]

FYI
I''m not eloping (having 200-person wedding in San Francisco, Aug 0 but still sending announcements to people who aren''t invited to the wedding. It''s not about asking for presents, I don''t think. It''s letting people know what''s going on in your life. If they choose to send a gift...even better! We just had to cut the guest list off somewhere, and even some family weren''t included, so the announcement is a way to let them know the details.

 

[enfianced]

Just one other thing...no one should feel bad about people getting them gifts, even if you do elope. The fact of the matter is, many of those people you''re sending annoucements too have probably invited you to their birthdays, weddings, showers, etc and you''ve gotten them a gift at some point. If people want to give you a gift, then so be it. It''s a nice jesture and I think anyone who sees it as "begging for gifts" doesn''t understand how much money you might actually be saving them by eloping, therefore they don''t have to pay to travel to your wedding, pay for a hotel, etc.

 

[Loves Vintage]

Date: 4/7/2008 1:12:34 PM
Author: surfgirl
If you can wait a couple of weeks LV, I can re post a few of them. I''m out of the country right now and the photos aren''t on my laptop...

Sure, I think we have time. Do you remember where you ordered from?

In the meantime, I''ll have to try to get a pic of the ring we have on deposit and see if anything new has come into the shop that they think might suit my fancy. I usually like to hem and haw about things, you know agonize, hem, haw, again and again, so when I found this ring so easily, it just seems *too* easy.

 

[danimdd]

Need some advice from you in a similar situation...

My boyfriend & I have been together for 8 years, living together for 4 and we have decided, as we are both turning 30, it''s time to get married. We both love hiking and traveling so we have planned to spend 2 weeks hiking in arizona then end with a ceremony in Sedona. I don''t think i need to explain to this bunch all the reasons why we want to elope...but our large family is another story.

Because we are both close with our parents and they are pretty relaxed people we are thinking of inviting just them. We have too many siblings and grandparents to make it affordable to include them (plus the older folks just won''t be able to make it to the sight which will be a short hike up a mountain). I know some of our family will be understanding of our wishes, plus we plan to appease them by having a photographer & videographer & showing the video at a backyard bbq about 6 months later when I graduate from medical school.

But there are a few family members that I know will be really mad (my grandmother imparticular)- ironically it is these family members who are some of the reason why I don''t want an a traditional wedding (they would drive me nuts!) Example, my brother is currently planning his $50K wedding and it has gotten out of hand, my grandparents keep trying to add to the already huge guest list, the original location has been changed becuase some family members who are helping with the cost didn''t like the site, and others are complaining about the type of minister overseeing the ceremony, etc...

My question is what do I do with the few that are going to be really upset? Do i just send them an announcement with a nice handwritten note and tell them that I can''t wait for them to see the video at the BBQ. Do I tell them before I go (I really don''t want to)? Like I mentioned above, I am in medical school and don''t need the added stress of angry calls from my grandparents. I guess I am just looking for some encouragement....thanks.

 

[bling addict]

Hi Danimdd,
I think with the few people that you think are going to be upset, sending them an announcement and handwritten note is fine - I wouldn''t tell them before hand if you think it will create unwanted drama/stress in your life. It''s unfortunate if people will be upset, rather than happy for you, but it is your wedding, so you should do what makes you and your fiance happy. I think if you mention something a long the lines that they are important to you etc might help (make them understand).

We sent announcements to close family and friends after we got back (probably a little late, as they were kind of an afterthought for me). On the front we had a photo from our wedding day, and location (hawaii)and date on the back
we had a message:
"We are overjoyed to share the news that we were married on a beautiful day in Hawaii at sunset. You have shared in our lives through your friendship and love; please know that you were in our thoughts as we began our lives as husband and wife" and then I had a handwritten note to the different people. --- Just wanted to give you an idea of things you could write to help your grandparents understand that they are still important to you etc.

Sorry for the thread jack LV. I agree with previous posters who have said sending announcements is a nice way of updating people on your situation, and they can choose for themselves whether or not they want to send a gift. I don''t think it looks like a gift grab. The people I sent them to seemed to really like them, and liked the photo of us on our wedding day.