Well, I didn''t see this coming.

[luckystar112]

Ditto both of Tgal''s posts.
If you''re anything like I was at age 20/21, then the last thing you probably want to hear is "you''re so young!" but it really is the truth. I say pack your bags, move back to GA, and start your life over. You need to build your self-esteem back up. "I''m sorry, please come back" should make you scoff, if anything. Work on yourself.

P.S. And when you''re ready to meet new guys, you might want to box the ring so that you are approachable.

 

[luckystar112]

Date: 5/18/2009 1:44:47 PM
Author: Feralpenchant

I woke up one morning and had 7 missed calls and 5 texts. Most of them went something like ''Where are you? It''s not like you to not answer your phone..''

What this tells me is that he is used to you being at his every beck and call. It should drive you mad that he thinks he can dump you and you''ll be sitting on the other end of the country waiting for his phone call.
If you move and this happens again, you need to be strong enough to say "Please stop calling me. You made your decision".

 

[Bia]

I say pack your bags and move back home. Do not communicate. If he deserves you, he''ll prove it, and it won''t be by making a dozen "I miss/love you" phone calls to you in the middle of the night.

I''ll also ditto TGal by saying that he is (as you are) young, and based on your convo, he''s also still very immature. You don''t want to the only one doing all of the sacrificing in a relationship. That''s a mistake, and you deserve someone who makes an effort all of the time.

 

[decodelighted]

Color me irked too. You seem to be using his previous history of doing this to you as evidence that he'll be back ... as reason for hope. Unfortunately it seems to many of us like evidence that he's even less ready to be a husband than it looked after your first post. Consider THIS broken promise foreshadowing of the LIFETIME of broken promises you'd have had from this boy. Push. Pull. Come here. Go away. They'll be looking at your finger! I'm not happy with you.

To be ABLE to have a mature, mutual relationship .. you have to be able to predict the consequences of your actions. You have to KNOW yourself. That little boy doesn't know himself AT ALL. Doesn't know what he wants. Doesn't know how partners fit into individual lives. Doesn't know that people don't make each other happy ... people make THEMSELVES happy. Do you know all of those things yet? If not: step back. Reassess. Go back to Georgia and work on YOURself. Rekindle friendships. Travel. Have adventures! And if/when he calls -- hang up.


ETA: Oh, and take the ring. Because he's a weasel.

 

[Squirrly]

Date: 5/18/2009 2:17:25 PM
Author: decodelighted
Rekindle friendships. Travel. Have adventures! And if/when he calls -- hang up.

ditto, especially on the travel and have adventures part. do all the things you want to do and have been wanting to do but haven''t because you know those weren''t things he''d enjoy. and definitely treat yourself, try a spa day if you haven''t yet, and just let yourself be pampered like you should be

 

[princesss]

Date: 5/18/2009 2:17:25 PM
Author: decodelighted
Color me irked too. You seem to be using his previous history of doing this to you as evidence that he''ll be back ... as reason for hope. Unfortunately it seems to many of us like evidence that he''s even less ready to be a husband than it looked after your first post. Consider THIS broken promise foreshadowing of the LIFETIME of broken promises you''d have had from this boy. Push. Pull. Come here. Go away. They''ll be looking at your finger! I''m not happy with you.

To be ABLE to have a mature, mutual relationship .. you have to be able to predict the consequences of your actions. You have to KNOW yourself. That little boy doesn''t know himself AT ALL. Doesn''t know what he wants. Doesn''t know how partners fit into individual lives. Doesn''t know that people don''t make each other happy ... people make THEMSELVES happy. Do you know all of those things yet? If not: step back. Reassess. Go back to Georgia and work on YOURself. Rekindle friendships. Travel. Have adventures! And if/when he calls -- hang up.


ETA: Oh, and take the ring. Because he''s a weasel.

I typed out a whole post that PS ate, so I''m just going to DITTO Deco. This guy is a boy who is used to having what he wants when he wants it without responsibility. Screw him. You don''t need that. You''re young, so be young and carefree. You''ll move past this and be a stronger person for it. He''ll stay the same selfish person as long as you give into him. Consider this a life lesson for both of you. You can be responsible for how much YOU grow because of it. Hopefully he''ll grow to. And you know what? Growing hurts sometimes. Sad, but true. But you will come out wiser and stronger for it.

 

[Feralpenchant]

Date: 5/18/2009 2:03:43 PM
Author: luckystar112
Ditto both of Tgal''s posts.

If you''re anything like I was at age 20/21, then the last thing you probably want to hear is ''you''re so young!'' but it really is the truth. I say pack your bags, move back to GA, and start your life over. You need to build your self-esteem back up. ''I''m sorry, please come back'' should make you scoff, if anything. Work on yourself.


P.S. And when you''re ready to meet new guys, you might want to box the ring so that you are approachable.

I completely agree that everyone here knows what they are talking about when they say "You''re too young to really know yourself". While I feel like I do know myself, I realize that my knowledge up to this point is all I have. So of course I''m going to think I''m right, because that''s all I know so far! And you guys are older, have more experience, and have been through the years I''m about to go through.

It''s the same way I feel about my little 15 year old cousin who thinks she''s ready to get engaged and be an adult now. I find myself saying, trust me, in 6 years, you won''t know what the heck you were thinking! She doesn''t get it, but then again, neither do I

You don''t get it till you get there.

My problem is that I''m too wise for my age and I keep making stupid decisions based on the fact that it''s hard for me to accept that people my age (guys especially) are simply NOT where I am mentally and will not be for.. God knows how long. This has been the case with girlfriends too. I find myself just

at the problems they think they have. It cost me my relationship with my best friend last year, we''re the same age but I just couldn''t relate to her anymore. Until I get to an age where guys my age are starting to gain sanity, I''m just going to be my own best friend, because everything else has bitten me in the @$$ so far. I hope I can find girls to be friends with that know what''s up.

I really am taking in everything everyone is saying. This is hard but if it was gonna happen, I''m glad it happened now.

Sort of.

 

[blueroses]

Date: 5/18/2009 2:17:25 PM
Author: decodelighted
Color me irked too. You seem to be using his previous history of doing this to you as evidence that he''ll be back ... as reason for hope. Unfortunately it seems to many of us like evidence that he''s even less ready to be a husband than it looked after your first post. Consider THIS broken promise foreshadowing of the LIFETIME of broken promises you''d have had from this boy. Push. Pull. Come here. Go away. They''ll be looking at your finger! I''m not happy with you.


To be ABLE to have a mature, mutual relationship .. you have to be able to predict the consequences of your actions. You have to KNOW yourself. That little boy doesn''t know himself AT ALL. Doesn''t know what he wants. Doesn''t know how partners fit into individual lives. Doesn''t know that people don''t make each other happy ... people make THEMSELVES happy. Do you know all of those things yet? If not: step back. Reassess. Go back to Georgia and work on YOURself. Rekindle friendships. Travel. Have adventures! And if/when he calls -- hang up.



ETA: Oh, and take the ring. Because he''s a weasel.

Yep. Hurts like hell, but I think this is right on. Hang in there, lady.

 

[Feralpenchant]

Date: 5/18/2009 2:17:25 PM
Author: decodelighted
Color me irked too. You seem to be using his previous history of doing this to you as evidence that he''ll be back ... as reason for hope. Unfortunately it seems to many of us like evidence that he''s even less ready to be a husband than it looked after your first post. Consider THIS broken promise foreshadowing of the LIFETIME of broken promises you''d have had from this boy. Push. Pull. Come here. Go away. They''ll be looking at your finger! I''m not happy with you.


To be ABLE to have a mature, mutual relationship .. you have to be able to predict the consequences of your actions. You have to KNOW yourself. That little boy doesn''t know himself AT ALL. Doesn''t know what he wants. Doesn''t know how partners fit into individual lives. Doesn''t know that people don''t make each other happy ... people make THEMSELVES happy. Do you know all of those things yet? If not: step back. Reassess. Go back to Georgia and work on YOURself. Rekindle friendships. Travel. Have adventures! And if/when he calls -- hang up.



ETA: Oh, and take the ring. Because he''s a weasel.

Yes, Deco, I do know those things. They are very good questions to ask yourself. One day I''ll find a guy that knows those things too. Cause XSO won''t know those things for a long time, I don''t think.

 

[blueroses]

Date: 5/18/2009 3:43:33 PM
Author: Feralpenchant

I really am taking in everything everyone is saying. This is hard but if it was gonna happen, I''m glad it happened now.


Sort of.

I know what you mean

But when time passes, that sort of will turn into THANK GOD. But it takes time. Keep checking in with yourself like you''re doing. You deserve to be valued!!

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 5/18/2009 3:43:33 PM
Author: Feralpenchant

Date: 5/18/2009 2:03:43 PM
Author: luckystar112
Ditto both of Tgal''s posts.

If you''re anything like I was at age 20/21, then the last thing you probably want to hear is ''you''re so young!'' but it really is the truth. I say pack your bags, move back to GA, and start your life over. You need to build your self-esteem back up. ''I''m sorry, please come back'' should make you scoff, if anything. Work on yourself.


P.S. And when you''re ready to meet new guys, you might want to box the ring so that you are approachable.

I completely agree that everyone here knows what they are talking about when they say ''You''re too young to really know yourself''. While I feel like I do know myself, I realize that my knowledge up to this point is all I have. So of course I''m going to think I''m right, because that''s all I know so far! And you guys are older, have more experience, and have been through the years I''m about to go through.

It''s the same way I feel about my little 15 year old cousin who thinks she''s ready to get engaged and be an adult now. I find myself saying, trust me, in 6 years, you won''t know what the heck you were thinking! She doesn''t get it, but then again, neither do I

You don''t get it till you get there.

My problem is that I''m too wise for my age and I keep making stupid decisions based on the fact that it''s hard for me to accept that people my age (guys especially) are simply NOT where I am mentally and will not be for.. God knows how long. This has been the case with girlfriends too. I find myself just

at the problems they think they have. It cost me my relationship with my best friend last year, we''re the same age but I just couldn''t relate to her anymore. Until I get to an age where guys my age are starting to gain sanity, I''m just going to be my own best friend, because everything else has bitten me in the @$$ so far. I hope I can find girls to be friends with that know what''s up.

I really am taking in everything everyone is saying. This is hard but if it was gonna happen, I''m glad it happened now.

Sort of.

FP, I''m just saying this as a little joke:

If you''re going to hope to get to an age where guys your age start to gain sanity, you''ll be enjoying senior discount dates at Mickey D''s.

And a sign of knowing when we are getting wise is knowing that we don''t know much at all.

 

[princessplease]

Date: 5/18/2009 3:43:33 PM
Author: Feralpenchant

Date: 5/18/2009 2:03:43 PM

Author: luckystar112

Ditto both of Tgal''s posts.


If you''re anything like I was at age 20/21, then the last thing you probably want to hear is ''you''re so young!'' but it really is the truth. I say pack your bags, move back to GA, and start your life over. You need to build your self-esteem back up. ''I''m sorry, please come back'' should make you scoff, if anything. Work on yourself.



P.S. And when you''re ready to meet new guys, you might want to box the ring so that you are approachable.

I completely agree that everyone here knows what they are talking about when they say ''You''re too young to really know yourself''. While I feel like I do know myself, I realize that my knowledge up to this point is all I have. So of course I''m going to think I''m right, because that''s all I know so far! And you guys are older, have more experience, and have been through the years I''m about to go through.


It''s the same way I feel about my little 15 year old cousin who thinks she''s ready to get engaged and be an adult now. I find myself saying, trust me, in 6 years, you won''t know what the heck you were thinking! She doesn''t get it, but then again, neither do I

You don''t get it till you get there.


My problem is that I''m too wise for my age and I keep making stupid decisions based on the fact that it''s hard for me to accept that people my age (guys especially) are simply NOT where I am mentally and will not be for.. God knows how long. This has been the case with girlfriends too. I find myself just

at the problems they think they have. It cost me my relationship with my best friend last year, we''re the same age but I just couldn''t relate to her anymore. Until I get to an age where guys my age are starting to gain sanity, I''m just going to be my own best friend, because everything else has bitten me in the @$$ so far. I hope I can find girls to be friends with that know what''s up.


I really am taking in everything everyone is saying. This is hard but if it was gonna happen, I''m glad it happened now.


Sort of.

What I put in bold breaks my heart. I am so sorry Feral. You don''t have to explain this situation any further. I hope you have someone you can turn to in this hard time.

 

[NakedFinger]

feral- your post about you guys breaking up previously irked me as well. Its sounds like he knows he has you, and can do this whenever he wants because he knows you will always come back? If it happened once, and never did again, then we could chock it up to nervous/scared, etc, but again? And say you got back together, who knows how many more times he would do it?

It def sounds like a maturity thing. I've used the phrase "your relationship is so high school". Meaning, in high school you have stupid fights, break up like once a week and get back together (or some people I knew, felt like once an hour), had tons of drama, and fought over stupid things. Lots of "I cant take this anymore..." and such. As you get older and get more mature, and reltaionships are more serious, you realize that in a serious relationship you cant break up once a week over stupid things, or go "on and off" like you use to. In a mature serious ADULT relationship you are commited. It sounds to me he thinks he is still in HS, and can break up with you and get back together whenever he feels like. But he needs to be a big boy a realize that promises were broken, a ring is now unused, you have to MOVE, etc. Im sorry, but I give you credit for doing it all the first time, I dont know how you could handle doing that again! And to comment on the highlighted part, I SO know what you mean! lol. I am 24 (will be 25 in 2 months) and my best friends are 28, 30 and 32. LOL

Date: 5/18/2009 3:43:33 PM
Author: Feralpenchant

My problem is that I'm too wise for my age and I keep making stupid decisions based on the fact that it's hard for me to accept that people my age (guys especially) are simply NOT where I am mentally and will not be for.. God knows how long. This has been the case with girlfriends too. I find myself just

at the problems they think they have. It cost me my relationship with my best friend last year, we're the same age but I just couldn't relate to her anymore. Until I get to an age where guys my age are starting to gain sanity, I'm just going to be my own best friend, because everything else has bitten me in the @$$ so far. I hope I can find girls to be friends with that know what's up.

 

[purrfectpear]

You know Feral, now that we know he''s pulled this crapola before, I suspect we''re even LESS hoping he''ll change his mind.

''Cause Girl, you deserve much, much better !!!

Seriously...let''s play this scenario out for a second. He calls and begs. He "promises" and swears. You give in, and the engagement happens.

Then a week before the actual wedding he gets drunk and bails again. Then what

So let''s say by now you''ve convinced yourself he just has issues, and sure enough...He calls and begs. He "promises" and swears. You give in, and the marriage happens.

A few years later you mutually decide to start a family. Just before the birth he gets drunk and disappears while you''re in the hospital alone..............lather, rinse, repeat.........for every little life event that might make him feel pressured to man up as an adult.

Is this the guy you''re hoping will come back

 

[allycat0303]

Hi Feral,

Ok. I went back to look at some of your posts because I wanted to have a little background before I commented. I noticed in one of your older posts that you are both 21 years old (maybe 22 now). I wasn''it able to find out how long you''ve been together, but honestly, I think it sounds like he is having some cold feet. Maybe this is too big of a committement for him at this moment. When I was 21 years old, from about 21 to 23 years old, my fiance broke up with me like 5-6 times. Sporodic, never see it coming, "I need my space" And he would quickly come back and I would take him back. It pretty much stopped when he was 24 years old and could be completely into this relationship. I think it might just be a maturing process, and have little to do with how much he loves you.

I am sorry he caught you off guard. Give it time, take care of yourself.

 

[HollyS]

He''s done this before?????

C''mon, I know you love him, but you can''t keep taking the bait.

You will be wasting your time if you get back together again. I wish things were different for you, but they are not.

This is the kind of guy who might marry you . . . and a year or two later tell you it''s over. It''s much better to know now, and leave the relationship now, than to fool yourself into a false sense of ''forever'' because you have a marriage certificate and a wedding band.

This isn''t just cold feet. It''s a pattern of behavior.

I''m sorry; I really am.

 

[phoenixgirl]

I think you need to focus your energy on getting back to Georgia now. You can't heal and gain perspective until you get there. So pack up your car and hit the road.

It sounds pretty final to me that he told you to keep the ring. He thought it through; if he thought he would change his mind next week, he would keep it so he could still propose. I don't think he's going to. And more so, I don't think he's right for you, so even if he does, it doesn't matter.

I met DH when we were 18 (me) and almost 20 (him). We got engaged when we were 23 and 25, married at 24 and 26. And would you believe that I feel like I got married really, really young? I'm having a baby at 29 now (and DH will be just turned 31), and I still feel like we are super super young to be doing things like this.

Anyway, DH tried to break up with me once when I was 22. He said he wanted to see other people, or not be "boyfriend and girlfriend" anymore, or something. I said ok, and then we kept acting just like usual (just like girlfriend and boyfriend). I am NOT the kind of person to put up with crappy undefined relationships but I figured I could let it slide for a week or two until I could figure out if he was just having cold feet or was really trying to break up with me. Turns out it was just the cold feet.

So sometimes that happens, sure. But this is more than a vague, "I think I want to see other people, oh wait, no, just you." This is a here, take the most expensive thing I've ever bought that I was going to give you as a promise of marriage and keep it as a consolation prize. (BTW, I would totally keep it. Make a pendant! It's a gorgeous stone.)

The first time sounded like cold feet/needing more time to grow up. The second time is one time too many. Seriously. I absolutely believe in "Fool me once . . ." Otherwise you will forever set up the dynamic that you will accept crap from him as long as he [fill in the blank] to make it up to you. Life is too short and there are too many good men to accept crap.

I know it won't be easy to leave for good because it will symbolize you giving up hope that he doesn't mean it, but you really do need to get packing and hit the road. Good luck!

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

I am sorry that you have to mend your heart but I do think it is better to have happened now as opposed to later.

You need to start trying to move onward and upward and not allow yourself to look back at him. Even if he does show up on your doorstep - it should be after he has spent time discovering who he is. Don''t pine away the days on what may happen or wishing he would suddenly realize he made a mistake. Take this time to really find out about yourself - it won''t be an easy journey but in the end you may find out that you are 100% better off.

You are young and if you think you have changed perspective between 15 and 21 wait until you are rounding into your 30''s and 40''s and 50''s and on and on. Every day I amaze myself with the changes in my perspective and I realize I will never ever stop growing as a person and I don''t want to stop either! You are at a very exciting time in your life with opportunities that you do not even recognize yet - try to see all the potential you have and embrace this challenge.

The universe is calling you back to GA for a reason...run with it. I have every confidence that this change is setting you on a path you need to be on and even though you may struggle a bit - the journey will heal your heart and show you how amazing you are.

 

[Iowa Lizzy]

You may feel like you have no one to turn to. Please know that you have a whole group of wonderful ladies here on PS. Many of us (myself included) have been where you are. Come vent to us anytime. Really.

You are showing so much strength and maturity right now. You deserve someone at your level. He''s out there, trust me. But take time for yourself right now. I agree with a previous poster, do things you like to do that he didn''t.

Oh, and buy the books "He''s Just Not That Into You" and "It''s Called a Break-Up Because it''s Broken." Those books got me through some tough break-ups in college.

Again, we''re here for you.

 

[D&T]

ahhh Feral,, I was just checking this forum to see if you got your ring, I remember from the first day you posted, and now I learned this, I am so sorry about this. you seem like a very strong girl and can pick yourself up and move forward from this experience, can only make you stronger. ** HUGS**

 

[SparklyLibra]

((((HUGS))) to you Feral. I''m gonna have to ditto PP, Deco & T-Gal.

I hear what you are saying about this maybe being growing pains. But do you really want to be his crash-test dummy? You sound wise beyond your years, and I think if he''s not sure what it is he wants at this time that he go out there and find out just exactly what it is, on his own. I don''t think it''s fair that he drag anyone else through his soul-searching, especially a fabulous young lady like yourself (

)

Listen, at least if he''s gonna keep somebody hanging on and dragging them around like a comfort "blankie" just ''cause he''s too chicken to actually grow up, let it be someone who''s fool enough to put up with that crap.

You sound to me to be waaaaaaaaay too smart to fall for this again. You seem to know what you want for yourself: go out there and find it!

Best of luck to you, and stay strong.

 

[KimberlyH]

What a crappy thing to have happen, feral. I am so sorry that your life is in upheaval. I hope that once you move and get settled you spend some time enjoying yourself, your family, hobbies, etc. Get involved in things that matter to you, focus on school, focus on you. Life tends to fall into place when you have yourself sorted out. He sounds very young, not because he''s 21, but because he makes rash decisions without thinking of the long term consequences (negative and positive).

 

[wolftress]

I just wanted to write and say I''m so sorry this has happened to you.

I''d also like to offer a bit of perspective because I''ve been down a similar road before, but I was the one who did the pushing and pulling. When a person feels like they have the upper hand in a relationship, which your Ex SO obviously feels he has because you were living under HIS roof, waiting for HIS proposal, they can use the threat of breaking up and even go the whole hog and actually break up with you because they want you to fix whatever problems in their lives they''re not happy with. He''s hurting and unhappy for whatever reason, so you''re a convenient target to transfer that hurt and unhappiness onto. He won''t stop doing this until you disappear from his life and I mean disappear... change your phone number, tell your dad not to allow him to see/speak to you, etc. Only then will he realise what he has done, and by then you will be well on your way to a much better life without him.

Take care of yourself and don''t allow yourself to give him another chance. Wear the ring on your right hand proudly because it is something beautiful that will no longer be his, much like you.

 

[chiquitapet]

Oh, feral, I`m so sorry you`re going through this. You have been given great advice by PSers already, but let me just say few words. I know you`re hurting right now, but this really is for the best. You need to start concentrating on yourself and your life - it is all ahead of you. He knows/thinks he can control you and the moment he feels lonely, he makes a phone call and you`ll be coming back. Quite simply - he doesn''t deserve you and you don''t deserve to be treated like this. You need to be strong and move on. He''s done this to you before, he''s doing it now, and if you guys end up together, do you have any guarantee he`s not gonna do it again? When you have couple of kids in your arms?

 

[Squirrly]

Date: 5/18/2009 3:46:13 PM
Author: Feralpenchant

Yes, Deco, I do know those things. They are very good questions to ask yourself. One day I''ll find a guy that knows those things too. Cause XSO won''t know those things for a long time, I don''t think.

HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGS

i hope all the travel arrangements are going smoothly for you, i''d help you pack and get home if i could

 

[tlh]

Date: 5/18/2009 10:36:06 PM
Author: KimberlyH
What a crappy thing to have happen, feral. I am so sorry that your life is in upheaval. I hope that once you move and get settled you spend some time enjoying yourself, your family, hobbies, etc. Get involved in things that matter to you, focus on school, focus on you. Life tends to fall into place when you have yourself sorted out. He sounds very young, not because he''s 21, but because he makes rash decisions without thinking of the long term consequences (negative and positive).

I agree.

Just wanted to give you a huge hug!

 

[janinegirly]

I'm sorry feral, this is horrible. Since it happened before, I think there are no more 3rd chances for your ex. Of course I also think you are very young (since I'm old and in my 30's), but can understand that you feel "mature for your age" and ready for the next stages in life. Some people just are. Maybe look to date older guys?? That's the best way of finding someone more at your own maturity level. I heard the rule of thumb is 10 yrs...so if you date a 31 year old maybe he'll be more at your level? hehe, just a little levity. Hope you're doing ok.

 

[Dreamgirl]

Awwww I''m so sorry to hear about this. You must be so devastated. ***BIG HUGS***

 

[Italiahaircolor]

FP, everyone is right...you are very young--and while I don''t doubt for a moment that you know exactly what you want...I also believe that you don''t know enough about what you don''t want.

When I was 21, I was engaged...so I''m speaking with a dose of experience here. I don''t doubt for one minute that people can get engaged or married at 21 and have a very happy life. But the key to that is both people wanting it in equal messure. You cannot love enough for both of you. Marriage is the ultimate partner--and both people need to be 100%. You dodged a bullet, FP. You''ll go on from here to meet someone who will love you --- and the only memories of an engagement and marriage you''ll have will be positive, uplifting ones.

When a man shows you who he is, you need to pay attention to that. If he plays games with your heart and your head...those are red flags and things you need to be wary of. If he leaves you, and put your though pain and heartbreak and then comes back expecting open arms and forgiveness...he''s treating you like a puppet. If he tells you one day to expect an engagement and the next tells you he doesn''t want to be with you...that''s a huge problem.

FP please move to Georgia. Please go and be happy and find yourself. Have adventures and good times. Make friends that will be important to you forever, and even date men that you find interesting. Don''t hold yourself back, or sell yourself on something that may never be by waiting for him to come back. In the end, you''ll look back and realize that these days are the best days of your life--and that taking advantage of your independence isn''t not a mistake.

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 5/19/2009 1:39:13 PM
Author: Italiahaircolor
FP, everyone is right...you are very young--and while I don''t doubt for a moment that you know exactly what you want...I also believe that you don''t know enough about what you don''t want.

When I was 21, I was engaged...so I''m speaking with a dose of experience here. I don''t doubt for one minute that people can get engaged or married at 21 and have a very happy life. But the key to that is both people wanting it in equal messure. You cannot love enough for both of you. Marriage is the ultimate partner--and both people need to be 100%. You dodged a bullet, FP. You''ll go on from here to meet someone who will love you --- and the only memories of an engagement and marriage you''ll have will be positive, uplifting ones.

When a man shows you who he is, you need to pay attention to that. If he plays games with your heart and your head...those are red flags and things you need to be wary of. If he leaves you, and put your though pain and heartbreak and then comes back expecting open arms and forgiveness...he''s treating you like a puppet. If he tells you one day to expect an engagement and the next tells you he doesn''t want to be with you...that''s a huge problem.

FP please move to Georgia. Please go and be happy and find yourself. Have adventures and good times. Make friends that will be important to you forever, and even date men that you find interesting. Don''t hold yourself back, or sell yourself on something that may never be by waiting for him to come back. In the end, you''ll look back and realize that these days are the best days of your life--and that taking advantage of your independence isn''t not a mistake.

This is very sage advice FP! Italia is spot on with this.