Well, I didn''t see this coming.

[LadyBlue]

I''m so sorry feral, but is better now than after being engaged or married. Maybe if he would had asked for a long engagment this would be different. But he asked you to end with the relatiship, is better for you to go home with you family and be with people that really cares about you.

 

[Winks_Elf]

Date: 5/18/2009 6:13:27 PM
Author: purrfectpear
You know Feral, now that we know he's pulled this crapola before, I suspect we're even LESS hoping he'll change his mind.


'Cause Girl, you deserve much, much better !!!


Seriously...let's play this scenario out for a second. He calls and begs. He 'promises' and swears. You give in, and the engagement happens.


Then a week before the actual wedding he gets drunk and bails again. Then what

So let's say by now you've convinced yourself he just has issues, and sure enough...He calls and begs. He 'promises' and swears. You give in, and the marriage happens.


A few years later you mutually decide to start a family. Just before the birth he gets drunk and disappears while you're in the hospital alone..............lather, rinse, repeat.........for every little life event that might make him feel pressured to man up as an adult.


Is this the guy you're hoping will come back

Listen to this (and the other) wise woman here. That was me, with my then-husband arguing with me that I wasn't really in labor, and that was me in the hospital, almost dying thanks to the drugs they gave me while my now ex-husband was busy smooching it up in the parking lot with the whore he left us for...after giving birth to our 4th child. Is this what you want to deal with? I should have trusted my gut instincts. NOW I do, but I could have saved myself a lot of heartache if I had just listened to my gut.

It's a crappy situation, but you've gone this route with him before. Now you are back at the very same crossroads. Don't travel down that same route again. Brush yourself off, allow yourself to mourn the relationship, and get on with life. I promise you that something better is coming. Just keep your fork!

 

[Feralpenchant]

Well, I just got into Georgia. Thank you all for your support. I hope this will get easier. I will keep you updated if anything happens worth noting.

At least I have my family here. My two sisters just had babies so there will be plenty to keep me busy.

I can''t express how grateful I am to have a community here on PS that I can turn to.

 

[Squirrly]

glad you made it to GA

i''m sure being an auntie is going to wear you out/distract you plenty, especially the more mobile the kiddies become.

if you make some fun summer plans you''d better post about it, well aside from being the most awesome auntie ever

and here''s some dust for one awesome GA summer to welcome you back home with

 

[sparklyheart]

Good luck in Georgia! Have fun being an aunt!! We''re all here to listen (read?) if you need to vent or whatever.

 

[KimberlyH]

I''m so glad you''re back in Georgia. Enjoy your family, especially those new babies, relax, find a job you like and focus on moving forward with your life. You can do this!

 

[MonkeyPants]

Glad you made it to Georgia safely Feral! and Yes, babies will keep you so busy that you won''t have time to think about any drama.

 

[jcrow]

yes, it will get easier. you''ll look back at this being so happy you''ve made this decision. take care of yourself.

 

[princesss]

Glad you made it down to GA safely. Throw yourself into family life for a while, reconnect with friends, and meet new people. You''ll get through this.

*hug*

 

[ilovesparkles]

My problem is that I''m too wise for my age and I keep making stupid decisions based on the fact that it''s hard for me to accept that people my age (guys especially) are simply NOT where I am mentally and will not be for.. God knows how long. This has been the case with girlfriends too. I find myself just at the problems they think they have. It cost me my relationship with my best friend last year, we''re the same age but I just couldn''t relate to her anymore. Until I get to an age where guys my age are starting to gain sanity, I''m just going to be my own best friend, because everything else has bitten me in the @$$ so far. I hope I can find girls to be friends with that know what''s up.


OK, I bolded this portion of your last large reply feral, and I just want to tell you I was there too! I was overly mature since 6th grade because of my family life, I just had to be. So, I was in a relationship at age 23, the last time I was here on PS. And he broke my heart 4 times, FOUR TIMES I let that man push, pull, come here, go away. Please don''t make the same mistake. Let this time around be the flashing lights for you, let this time be the obvious, "Gosh this man just can''t handle it." He had his second chance and he just blew it. He blew it big time. He didn''t try to talk it out with you, he didn''t sit down and ask for a little more time to himself as he was getting too overwhelmed. No, he basically kicked you out and back to GA.

I am glad you made it to GA safely, and please think about what you really DESERVE, and how you SHOULD be treated.

 

[tlh]

Glad you are in GA. I''d put a block on his number and email address. Right now you need time w/ your friends and family and to avoid any confusing signals he may send your way. I wish you the best... I''m sorry for your heartache.

 

[purrfectpear]

Hot men all over the South are

and they are looking for YOU !!!

Have a nice holiday weekend and remember, we''re in your corner

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I just want to encourage you that our daughter was in a very similar situation with a 3 yr. relationship (around the same age as you and your bf) and the boy broke up with her because he wanted some freedom before settling down. At the time, she thought she could never love anyone as much as him and was heartbroken for a long, long time. Every few months to a year, he''d call or ask to come by to see her, but they did not get back together. Now, at age 23, she has met and fallen in love with a great guy who is 27, almost 28. He is mature, has his own business, and really loves her! She couldn''t see ahead in time, but she found someone SO much better, and so much more mature. I told her long ago that boys her age were not mature enough for her. Now she believes me!!!

I hope you find happiness being back near your family and that you make some new friends very soon!

 

[chiquitapet]

Great to hear you made it back to Georgia and are now with your family!! All the best and please let us know how you`re going.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

I am thrilled you made it to GA...I am hopeful that your future will hold only wonderful things!!

 

[Indylady]

I am so sorry! I know this is a hard time for you, but I am utterly confident that you will come out stronger! Lots of hugs, and we are all here for you!

 

[Kitiaral]

Oh dear! I can''t believe how awful he is! But I''m with all the other girls when they say that it is for the best. You need a man you can depend on. Not one who can''t take the heat. You sound like such a strong person. You are definitely handling this much better than I would. And IT IS a blessing in disguise!

I was with someone who was scared of committment and broke my heart. I thought my life was over b/c he was the only one for me, blah, blah, blah... I was so dumb. Then I met someone who isn''t afraid of all of this stuff. And it''s so nice not to have to worry about if he''s gonna run off all scared. I know he will never let me down like that.

So although I''m sorry that this happened to you, be glad it happened before you were married. And you had kids. You dodged a bullet girl...throw a party! And if he does come back...don''t make is easy for him. Because that will just show him that you will always be there waiting for him. Make him sweat it out and see if he hangs around during it. I know it''s kinda a test, but you need to know if he''s really changed. A promise is a promise. And he promised never to do this again. And he did, and that''s unforgivable in my mind.

Good luck! Let us know how you r doing! Hugs!!

 

[funnyface786]

I know this post is not really new, but I just kinda found it. Wow, FP I congratulate you for being so strong and I really hope you are doing at least a little bit better!!!

Reading your situation was like flashing forward in my OWN life if my now ex-boyfriend was still with me. Sadly, I could completely imagine him doing something like this. I am about the same age as you (21) and he is also 21 - we broke up about 2 months ago in a very similar way (well, without the ring). He also broke up with me a previous time saying he didn''t know if he could see himself marrying me, then came crawling back saying he made a huge mistake and (like you), that he would never do it again... only to do it again 3 months later. Both times everything seemed perfect, then all of a sudden he made a 180 and got "confused" and freaked out. I truly believe it has to do with the age...

Anyway, reading the advice people gave YOU has helped MYSELF as well, and I hope it has helped you also. I am going through the same feelings as you are (I''m sure), that I can never see myself with anyone else, and somewhere somehow for SOME reason I still kind of believe that we will be together, "someday". But after I got over most of the initial pain, I (and I hope you have also realized this) took a good hard look at how he treated me and now am 90% sure that I can''t be happy with him if I were to get back together with him right now. I''m still healing and hurting and I know you are too, but I hope that you come to this realization:

The fact that he has ANY sort of doubt that he wants to be with you, whether in marriage or just in a relationship, is NOT something you should put up with! You deserve someone who wouldn''t give you a second thought! You should be with someone that couldn''t be happier to propose to you! Would you really want to settle for anything less? Would you really want to be with someone that you''ll always constantly be worrying about whether or not they are having doubts about you, or wondering if they want to break up with you, or wondering if they are even HAPPY with you?

I know you''re hurting but I know for me the advice I''ve gotten on here has helped IMMENSELY. Like I said we are sort of in the same boat, and yeah, I do think that its possible that someday when we are both more "grown up" we might be together. But I''m not banking on it. And neither should you. Just be happy.

 

[Squirrly]

Date: 6/8/2009 8:01:28 PM
Author: funnyface786
Anyway, reading the advice people gave YOU has helped MYSELF as well, and I hope it has helped you also. I am going through the same feelings as you are (I''m sure), that I can never see myself with anyone else, and somewhere somehow for SOME reason I still kind of believe that we will be together, ''someday''. But after I got over most of the initial pain, I (and I hope you have also realized this) took a good hard look at how he treated me and now am 90% sure that I can''t be happy with him if I were to get back together with him right now. I''m still healing and hurting and I know you are too, but I hope that you come to this realization:


The fact that he has ANY sort of doubt that he wants to be with you, whether in marriage or just in a relationship, is NOT something you should put up with! You deserve someone who wouldn''t give you a second thought! You should be with someone that couldn''t be happier to propose to you! Would you really want to settle for anything less? Would you really want to be with someone that you''ll always constantly be worrying about whether or not they are having doubts about you, or wondering if they want to break up with you, or wondering if they are even HAPPY with you?

aww funnyface, this makes me smile! at the risk of bringing back horribly out-dated groan-worthy slang, you go girl!

and feral, i hope you''re doing well and when you''re feeling up to it please pop back in and let us know how you''re doing

you girls both get some much needed healing dust!

 

[rialaine]

Squirrly Good idea!!! I second that--- ******HEALING DUST****** and lots of ::hugs::

 

[ckrickett]

Glad you made it to GA safe and sound.

After reading and following this thread the past few weeks I really want to say we have some WISE ladies in this bunch. I think the boy you were with has shown you who he is. Not saying he is a bad person, but he is not someone deserving of YOU. Get your life together, enjoy yourself, YOUR new freedom, I''d probably say sell the ring and get something completely new that celebrates YOU and just let yourself heal.

 

[ts44]

I''m just reading through all of this now but I''m so happy that you made the decision to go back to your family and be independent for a while. I was in a similar situation with a "catch and release" guy (he''d catch me, then release me, then catch me again, on and on). It just makes you tired! The decision to leave him in the dust and focus on myself was the best I ever made. Yes it took three years before I met somebody else again, but they were three happy years (so happy that I almost didn''t say yes when my fiance asked me out!) because I finally knew that I could be a-ok with just myself! That confidence made me able to really understand what a healthy relationship was, in that you can rely on each other but one person cannot be completely dependent on the whim of the other.

In short, I wish you all the best. You have great building blocks; you''re mature, thoughtful, have a supportive family and a good safety net. You also have the added benefit of time! Imagine, you are 21 and have this figured out and it took me until I was 25 to figure it out! I''m a slow learner.

Think of all the fun you will have with these years.

Cheers,
Michelle

 

[lilmissrugger]

Hey Feral, I hope everything is going well in Georgia.

I''m so proud of you and impressed with your getting on a plane and going back home. I know it had to be tough and must have felt like ripping away part of yourself, but it''s such a smart move. Now you can start healing. My mother once gave me great advice (well, she does it all the time, but this SPECIFIC time was great)- she said that no matter who you just broke up with or who just broke up with you, the next man you find and fall for will be better suited for you and a better match.

Anytime I had just gotten out of a relationship, this was awful to hear. I couldn''t imagine having ANYONE who knew me better, loved me more, etc, than that last guy. But, lo and behold, the next man would come along and be better.

When you go through tough breakups like this, you have to always remember to learn. You can pick out what you reallllly didn''t like about your ex (and you know there are things he did that drove you crazy) and avoid them in a future mate. With each failed relationship, you can learn better what you do and don''t like, and therefore know better if a new guy is realllly what you''re looking for.

Get out there and enjoy the time that you now have for yourself- chances are, you''ll discover things about yourself you weren''t even aware had changed, you were so focused on an "us" than "me". So go explore, relearn who you are, and have fun.

And, of course, we''re here for you