What I Hate MOST About Wedding Planning

[Class n Sass]

I have discovered over the past couple of months that th hardest thing and the thing I hate the most about wedding planning is getting people to cooperate. I first had issues with my FSIL''s daughter being in the wedding. There was a lot of drama with that. My FSIL wasn''t getting back to me on anything and eventually took her daughter out of the wedding and didn''t even mention tell me. She put her daughter up to it. Now one of my BMs who I love dearly is always unavailable. She doesn''t answer any emails I send about anything. I find myself having to IM her while she is at work to make sure she received them. A simple repsonse back would be nice. My MOH re-scheduled the date of my bachelorette party all for her. Not that she had definite plans for the original date but becuase she anticipated making plans that weekend. Who does that??? I had to schedule a separate date for her to get measure for her dress because she couldn''t go when everyone else was going. She is always going somewhere spur of the moment which is fine but I just wanna sometimes tell her "look if this was going to be too much for you then you should have told me that when I asked you to be in my wedding!" I don''t want to be rude or get into a fight with her but I just wish she was a bit more cooperative.

Then one of my other FSIL''s daughter is my FG. I have been calling her to find out if her daughter''s ears are pierced because I would like to buy her jewelry for the wedding. Of course she has not called back. I guess some people don''t realize all the work involved in planning a wedding. I haven''t been asking anyone to do anything at all. Have not been a Bridezilla(totally NOT me at all). So I guess I just expect people to at least respond to simple things. Maybe I am asking too much.

What things did you hate the most? Or are currently hating the most?

 

[Independent Gal]

Ah, I knew there was a reason I did every last thing alllll by myself and don't have any official bridesmaids.

So far, the part I've hated most was anxiety about Crazy Aunt F and what she might do to spoil the wedding. I've had that anxiety since I was quite young, though. As in "Oh lordy! What if someday I get married?! Then I'll have to invite Aunt F and who knows WHAT she'll do?!"

Which reminds me, did I tell you guys Aunt F gave my grammy a gift to give me when I last visited? It was an apron. I actually needed a new apron. But this apron has embroidered on it, all special like in pink:

"What part of PRINCESS don't you understand?"

To which the obvious response is "What part of B!TCH don't you understand?"

which my dad and I blurted out at the same time when we saw it. But Crazy Aunt F wasn't there to hear. Thankfully.

It actually did its job though, as I spent the rest of the afternoon slightly worried in case I WAS acting like a princess. I finally asked my dad for a reality check and he obliged. Phew.

ETA: And just so you know, I wrote her a VERY nice thank you note anyway. Always the high road for Aunt F, always the kick in the pants anyway.

For those unfamiliar, here is the Crazy Aunt F thread:
https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/my-crazy-aunt.67115/

 

[Gypsy]

You know Indy, I had somehow managed to miss the Crazy Aunt F thread. And you have my EVERLASTING SYMPATHY.

As to what I hate the most? Nothing yet. *crossing my fingers* I''ll update you if that changes however.

 

[Independent Gal]

Hey, not to threadjack, C&S, but by coincidence, I came home just now to Crazy Aunt F's, RSVP card. It was hilarious. She has no partner (wonder why?!) and apparently told my dad that she was bringing a friend. My dad said that she couldn't just do that. This resulted in yet another screaming fit, again in front of Grammy, but she promised she wouldn't just bring him. (I wasn't there, heard this second hand).

So, the RSVP card.

It says (and I roughly paraphrase)

"Your late dear grandad (who, I remind you, was MY DAD) thought it was very important that people should join others in celebration. CUT! .... So at this point, perhaps you're thinking she might say something like "which is why I'm so happy to be there to celebrate with you & FI" ... but oh, no. You're mistaken!...

What she instead says is... RESUME "So I want to bring my friend R. I heard you have space problems. But I want R to come with me, OK!?!?!!!!"

Note the charming attempt at emotional blackmail, that somehow fails to link logically with the actual request. Would my grandfather, whom she knows I was very close to, really be concerned whether some stranger celebrated my wedding with me? I think not. Classic. Classic Aunt F!

 

[Selkie]

What a total nutter, Indy!

 

[diamondfan]

I hated the feeling like everything I did, everything I chose, was fodder for commentary and judgment. It drove me crazy to have everyone weighing in on things that I felt were not really their purview. And then add to that the passive aggressive stuff when people did not want to assist you but pretended they did...so you had to constantly be on them and get frustrated...not fun.

 

[Class n Sass]

Indy Gal...that is nuts!!! I am worried about RSVP cards too. I haven't sent the invitations out yet but I plan to do so within 1 month. I can't wait to see what they are going to look like. I also anticipate many people not sending them back and then I will have to make phone calls...especially to my in-laws.

Diamond Fan...I totally know what you mean. This same BM that is giving me grief has been saying if you need anything just let me know....All I need is for you to cooperate. I honestly rather do many things on my own so that I know it is done to my liking. I am a super organized neat freak. I am very particular about the aesthetics of things...and many people are not.

 

[Haven]

Oh, ladies, I''m so sorry to hear about all the difficulties you''ve been having. My only problem thus far has been with finding a dress for my bridesmaids, and that''s really not a huge deal. (Four months to go, though, so who knows?)

 

[Independent Gal]

C & S, to cheer you up, what''s been your FAVE thing about planning so far?

 

[mimzy]

my least favorite part about wedding planning is keeping my mom and dad both appeased with the decisions being made. they''re divorced, and while perfectly civil to each other, it''s a horrible experience listening to my mom go off about the input my dad is having or listening to my dad scoff and tell me that if my mom wants to invite more people she can put in more money. HORRIBLE. i know it''s unintentional, but i can''t avoid being put in the middle of it. i also feel like i am constantly hurting people''s feelings (not just my parents) because my preferences arent the same as theirs.

i also am a little discouraged by all the vetoing that my FI has done

. he wants a super traditional wedding, especially the ceremony, and isn''t going for a lot of the ideas that i am really excited about and/or attached to. we''ll see how that pans out though, there is still a lot of time left and a lot of convincing to be done

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Bridesmaids can be a problem!! That is a commonly known fact! It''s very hard to have a group of women all able to do the same things at the same time, just the nature of the beast!

I had problems with mine, unfortunately and it did sour my day. But, if I had to do it all over again...I would pay closer attention to the early signs that something was wrong and would have been proactive about it.

Rather than stew over the issues, I think that you have a chat with the problem makers and see if there is someway you both can meet in the middle. I can''t take to much issue with the bachelorette party, because its a gift. But I would talk about how having to make special arrangments or accomidations is a bit to much for you and you''d prefer to set up a group date for fittings or whatever. If someone is avoiding you, I would do what businesses do...call 3 times, if they don''t get in touch with you in reverse, move on. Obviously, for whatever reason, they can''t be counted on, and you shouldn''t sit there pounding sand.

Be proactive!

 

[anchor31]

Getting people to cooperate is definitely the hardest thing.

My FI's mother is a total nightmare. She went completely berserk as soon as she knew we were getting married. She yells at FI about everything that's wedding related, everything. Even the proposal, for crying out loud! It's horrible, and if she was to not show up at our wedding, I would be perfectly happy.

My sister/MOH was also a nightmare, until she left for her year-long trip in Australia. She was freaking out about me getting married, and she was getting really mean. We had a couple of blowouts, including one on our 22nd birthday. Thankfully, during her trip down-under she's been learning to understand and deal with her emotions. She's never been this close to mom, she called me three times to talk about the wedding (and asked if it was ok if she cried during the ceremony, poor thing) and wants to make our wedding cake. She'll be back one month before the wedding.

My mother and I butted heads a few times too. Once was pretty bad because she wanted to add people to the guest list when it has to be limited, but the rest wer more like minor annoyances. My mom's pretty old-fashioned and I've been hearing a lot of "oh, are you sure you want to do that?" Yes mom, I do.

I have 5 months to go, and I just want this planning thing to be over!! EVen FI now admits that we should have eloped.

 

[bee*]

So far the only thing that has been annoying is that I thought I had found my photographer but unfortunately I haven''t! I enjoy the hunt for a good vendor though so I think that I might have found another one. Parent''s have been helpful but relaxed about the whole thing and the bridesmaids are my sisters and D''s sister and they haven''t had much to do yet.

 

[Aloros]

Well, I just started planning, and so far...mostly good. We''re only having a maid of honor (my sister) and a best man (his brother). Our parents are fairly uninvolved right now, except to ask us how it is going. I told my mom and dad that I basically just want them to show up the day of and to have a good time. I sort of feel they''ve worked hard enough to get me to where I am now

Right now we''re doing the venue search - which involves lots of driving around on weekends and always to places that are 15-30 minutes away. And since we don''t like to leave stepson-to-be at home alone for too long, he comes with us on the pretense that we''d like his opinion.

And for a ten-year-old, he sure has a lot of opinions (including the insistence that we should have a star wars cake)! It''s one of those things that is really annoying but also sort of funny and cute at the same time.

Think puppy running away with your underpants.

 

[Independent Gal]

Hey Aloros, what do you think of, insted of a Groom''s Cake, surprising step-son-to-be with his very own starwars cake at the wedding? I bet it wouldn''t be too expensive (grocery store?) and having been the step-kid at my dad''s various weddings, I can tell you that a little thing like that goes a loooong way!

 

[gtn]

I am sorry to hear about all of your problems. I hear you on the RSVP thing though, my family wasn''t very good about it for my cousin''s wedding so I am expecting problems on that front. It sounds like your MOH is being a PITA have you tried asking her why she is behaving the way she is? Sometimes calling a person on their behavior fixes it.

What do I hate most about planning the wedding. Looking and looking and not finding what I want, but I just remind myself, things happen for a reason.

 

[Aloros]

Independent Gal, I LOVE that idea!

We''ll have to see how things go though. He''s been fairly spoiled (ok, REALLY spoiled) so far, and has this attitude of entitlement that drives FI and I nuts! He really is a sweet kid at heart though, so if we can "un-spoil" him in time for the wedding, it would be awesome to be able to do something extra-special for him.

Making leaps and bounds in that direction, so here''s hoping!

/thread-jack

 

[gtn]

Author: Aloros
Think puppy running away with your underpants

lol

Date: 2/26/2008 2:53:40 PM
Author: Independent Gal
Hey Aloros, what do you think of, insted of a Groom''s Cake, surprising step-son-to-be with his very own starwars cake at the wedding? I bet it wouldn''t be too expensive (grocery store?) and having been the step-kid at my dad''s various weddings, I can tell you that a little thing like that goes a loooong way!

I was thinking the same thing. Great advice

 

[Class n Sass]

Step-Son-To-Be Cake is an awesome idea! It will definitely make him feel included. And it usually doesn''t take a whole lot to make a 10 year old smile.

Indy Gal...What I have like the most about planning is getting to pick things out. I have loved selecting the attire and flowers, cake tastings and attending band showcases. It all has been really fun. I am trying to take it all in and enjoy every minute of it. I joke with my FI all the time by telling him that the next time I get to plan a party this big is when our daughter gets married....the daughter we don''t have yet..lol

 

[SarahLovesJS]

I am hating the idea of spending money.

Haha I love money, and I don''t want to spend it. As much as I am excited about having a beautiful wedding, I just wish I could get what I want for less. Having expensive taste gets so old.