What is something people don’t know about divorce until they’ve gone through it?

[qubitasaurus]

Sorry to be unpopular but I think a SAHM actually IS in this day and age a poor partner. Not always, but frequently, I see stay at home wives as out of touch and spoiled brats.

I work full time and am the sole provider for my family. I’ve been a stay at home parent for my maternity leave. There is no comparison. My mother was also a SAHM. Yes it important. But it’s has absolutely no comparison to the stress and responsibilities of being a full time bread winner, responsible for all bills and the financial stability of your family AND being a mother.

Those of you who have had the joy of staying at home and not working - think yourselves extraordinarily privileged. Especially if you got the benefit of doing that after the kids went to school full time.

Working is damn hard. Yes it IS harder than working in the home. Yes it is awfully hard being a sole breadwinner. Yes it’s horrific not being able to be with your children because you need to pay for their food and schooling. In my opinion stay at home parents, especially after the kids are at school full time are effectively parasites. And they certainly don’t deserve 90% of their working spouse’s income or assets. Sorry, not sorry.

Is there any chance you had a maid during the maternity leave? I had a maid for my second maternity leave and the difference was pretty extreme (between a maid and the second being a better sleeper, having a second baby was a lot easier than having the first. This was true even when the birth was during a massive covid reopening spike).

I think for a sahp arrangement to work both parties have to be in agreement, if either one resents being forced to stay home or being forced to be the sole breadwinner then it's not going to work out so well. This doesn't diminish the efforts of either party to look after their kids or earn the income, it just means that they're not the exact roles everyone wanted and thus they're less appreciated.

I realized today that I work for myself. Not for my kids or anything else. I work for my own sanity's sake and because it brings me a sense of purpose. I don't want to be a sahp because I'd miss out on this. I'd stay at home though in a heartbeat if I thought my kids needed it. I'd also continue to work to support my husband to be a sahp too. Id see this as an equally important and worthwhile contribution to working.in a company

 

[Ionysis]

On the other hand, wonderful step parents can be a huge benefit to the child’s life. Especially if one partner left an abusive or unstable marriage.

Completely agree with you. I’m sure there are many stepparents who have been the most incredible and loving parents to their partners children.

I just think I’d be too terrified that I’d make a mistake and allow the wrong person to come into their lives. My husband and his siblings were severely abused emotionally physically and sexually by their step father and a friend of mine’s little daughter was sexually assaulted by her first boyfriend after divorcing. It’s put me off the idea of bringing anyone into that close proximity to my daughters, however nice they may appear. I’m paranoid about sleep overs too. Sad isn’t it to think that way.

 

[Rfisher]

I’m not familiar with situations in states that don’t have no fault divorce and do allow for alimony.
But
If one told me their ex partner got 90% of their current income and how it wasnt ‘fair’
I’d be nosy enough to ask what assets/debts that person kept in the divorce as well.

I’ve known a few who liked to speak this way - and didn’t consider retirement funds/assets they kept 100% of, as part of the whole pie that was divvied up.

 

[Ionysis]

Is there any chance you had a maid during the maternity leave? I had a maid for my second maternity leave and the difference was pretty extreme (between a maid and the second being a better sleeper, having a second baby was a lot easier than having the first. This was true even when the birth was during a massive covid reopening spike).

I think for a sahp arrangement to work both parties have to be in agreement, if either one resents being forced to stay home or being forced to be the sole breadwinner then it's not going to work out so well. This doesn't diminish the efforts of either party to look after their kids or earn the income, it just means that they're not the exact roles everyone wanted and thus they're less appreciated.

My husband was at home too so I wasn’t doing it TOTALLY alone - just mostly LOL! And I had very easy babies that slept brilliantly and I didn’t breast feed. I stuck to a routine from day 1 and they both played ball perfectly. I completely understand that it’s not that way for everyone!

My gripe is a personal one and it colours my view. My husband can’t / won’t get a job so I HAVE to be the sole breadwinner. I’d be happy for him to stack shelves part time for pin money - or even do volunteer work for free - it’s not about the cash. It’s that he sits on his arse all day contributing nothing financially while I carry the weight of everything on my own. I have no choice but to work. I know it’s due to his mental health issues so I try to be understanding, and fortunately I find my job extremely fulfilling. But I certainly wouldn’t have him sat at home all day if I could wave a magic wand and change things.

And if we do divorce once the kids are off hand that will probably be the reason why.

 

[Elizabeth35]

My husband was at home too so I wasn’t doing it TOTALLY alone - just mostly LOL! And I had very easy babies that slept brilliantly and I didn’t breast feed. I stuck to a routine from day 1 and they both played ball perfectly. I completely understand that it’s not that way for everyone!

My gripe is a personal one and it colours my view. My husband can’t / won’t get a job so I HAVE to be the sole breadwinner. I’d be happy for him to stack shelves part time for pin money - or even do volunteer work for free - it’s not about the cash. It’s that he sits on his arse all day contributing nothing financially while I carry the weight of everything on my own. I have no choice but to work. I know it’s due to his mental health issues so I try to be understanding, and fortunately I find my job extremely fulfilling. But I certainly wouldn’t have him sat at home all day if I could wave a magic wand and change things.

And if we do divorce once the kids are off hand that will probably be the reason why.

Ahh---that explains your vehement response, an emotional hot button for you.
How would you feel if your husband did all the cleaning, cooking, shopping, yard work, child transport/homework help, managed insurance and bills, washed the cars? Handled child dr/dentist visits, home repairs, car repairs, and ran all errands?
Would you still feel he is parasitic?

 

[Gussie]

I told my husband that SAHPs were referred to as parasitic on here yesterday. He said that his parasite (lovingly and jokingly) is the finance manager, cook, nurse, taxi service, tutor, personal shopper, and emotional support provider and that he thinks it's a damn good deal.

 

[seaurchin]

I agree, Gussie. And people can be an asset or a load either way, at home or at a paid job. It's also hard when the tasks of a SAHP are mostly so menial when you could be doing something more glamorous as well as actually get a paycheck. It truly is a sacrifice. But looking back, as I said earlier, to me it far outweighed the "professional job" I had, as far as adding meaning to my life. I wish I'd known that at the time.

 

[seaurchin]

A couple of people have mentioned married friends dropping those going through a divorce. I haven't been divorced but have been through similar friendship shifts with marriage, having kids, changing jobs etc. I think people tend to gravitate towards those who they feel are in their same "world" but it still feels lousy to be left out.

On the other side of it, I had one divorced friend keep wanting me to go on adventures with her and arguing when I didn't want to. It's like she thought my life should be rearranged to match hers but I liked spending most of my free time with my husband and family.

Another time long ago, a divorced friend went the other way and seemed like she was trying to throuple up with us lol. Well, I don't think she was interested in my husband romantically and I know she wouldn't be his type even if he was single. But she started saying we were both her best friends, asking his advice on personal dating issues and just trying to insert herself too much. I tried to talk to her about it and she said I was "just jealous of her."

I've also had single/divorced friends who knew how to stay in their lane and would always be welcome in my life. But tbh now I am a little more cautious.

 

[Ionysis]

I told my husband that SAHPs were referred to as parasitic on here yesterday. He said that his parasite (lovingly and jokingly) is the finance manager, cook, nurse, taxi service, tutor, personal shopper, and emotional support provider and that he thinks it's a damn good deal.

Can I be married to you instead?!

 

[nala]

I told my husband that SAHPs were referred to as parasitic on here yesterday. He said that his parasite (lovingly and jokingly) is the finance manager, cook, nurse, taxi service, tutor, personal shopper, and emotional support provider and that he thinks it's a damn good deal.

Your post really resonated with me. My current hubby is self-employed and has been since we got married. There were many times his job was “feast or famine” and still is! Tbh. I’m happier when it’s famine bc he is all of the above! I can gladly foot the bills, even though I’ve never had to, but I would because when he is not busy at work, I get the following: he does the grocery shopping and cooking, laundry, cleaning, car maintenance, and drives me everywhere! Oh, and he is handy! He is mr DIY and fixes all home repairs! So I can so appreciate anyone who is stay at home! Even if we don’t have kids anymore, I think that his productivity has shaved years of stress off me!! For sure!!! The weeks he is super busy, I find that I’m miserable!!! I abhor household duties—literally , I get depressed if I have to clean or do my own cooking or grocery shopping! I figure that even if he switched jobs, we would prob make out the same financially bc we would want to pay for a cleaning lady, repairs, etc. so I’ll gladly give up excess money for time spent with him. Plus I hate having strangers in my house. Lol

 

[YadaYadaYada]

There would be a line for Gussie, not only does she do everything listed up there but she also has an amazing jewelry collection!

 

[dk168]

It does have to cost the earth, and it is possible to remain as friends afterwards.

It helped that my ex-hubby is a great person with an even greater heart.

DK

Bummer, just realised my mistake in my post: meant to say it DOES NOT have to cost the earth etc., DOH!

I have not read all the posts, however, here is a true story that I can relate to...

A relative of my ex-hubby lost the equivalent of their house in legal fees, apparently because they could not agree on who should have custody of the dog.

The relative's father had to help with the legal fee.

This happened before our own divorce and my ex-hubby and I both felt very sad when we heard about it.

For my own divorce, my ex-hubby said take whatever I liked, and he did the paperwork all by himself and did not involve any lawyer. The cost of the divorce was about 130 GBP in those days.

We had 2 properties between us at the time, a house and a flat. The house is in his name where we both lived and worked; and the flat in London was my bachelor flat.

He kept the house and I kept the flat, and he gave me the car as he did not want to drive.

I took the saucepans, as I said I would when I bought them jokingly. However, I did buy him a set of replacements before I left.

We did not considered our pensions and other assets.

He had helped me when I was in financial troubles after the divorce more than once.

As I have said, he was and still is a gentleman with a big and kind heart.

DK

 

[Mrs_Strizzle]

I always say you never know someone until you divorce them.

I never would have dreamed my divorce would have gotten as ugly and horrible as it did. Luckily I knew my present husband and supported him as a friend while he went through his divorce. So I'm pretty sure I know him now

 

[ItsMainelyYou]

Just because you have struggles, does not mean you don't have privilege.

And FYI, there are people literally rationing groceries, water, electricity to afford that $5 in gas. My god this is so tone deaf I cant even believe it.

This is more dependent on social structure more than privilege in many cases. Countries differ greatly in this respect.

The three countries with the highest percentage of SAHM are Sweden, Denmark and Norway. At 70% or more.

In America many of them dropped out of the workforce because they couldn't afford said childcare, working costs incurred, or they were discriminated against/ fired for their child's needs. They couldn't afford to, and were penalized for working. The sad fact is it's more common to stay home with your children out of necessity than privilege in America.
The state with the highest percentage of SAH is Mississippi, consistently one of the 'poorest' states.
And yes, this disproportionately effects women in the long term in a myriad of different metrics. That is a distinct lack of privilege.

I am one of the few in America who was a majority SAH by the so called privilege of choice. It is still harder for many reasons than it should've been because there is no social structure in place. My prospects for reentering the workforce now that they're almost grown are greatly diminished. It was a permanent detriment to me professionally and a sacrifice made. Would it that we lived in a society that didn't force this for some form of abnegation for both choices.
My sister was able to SAH, the difference is in her country healthcare, childcare, and education is fully subsidized. She receives the CCB each month for her children. It was easier for her.


*To every divorced parent, single parent, working parent, stay at home parent or legal guardians. Whatever flavor you are, I salute you.
None of these decisions were/are easy, the challenges ongoing and you do not get the respect you deserve. This perpetuated 'damned if you do and damned if you don't' is unfair and your very real and complex feelings are valid. I see you.

 

[telephone89]

This is more dependent on social structure more than privilege in many cases. Countries differ greatly in this respect.

The three countries with the highest percentage of SAHM are Sweden, Denmark and Norway. At 70% or more.

In America many of them dropped out of the workforce because they couldn't afford said childcare, working costs incurred, or they were discriminated against/ fired for their child's needs. They couldn't afford to, and were penalized for working. The sad fact is it's more common to stay home with your children out of necessity than privilege in America.
The state with the highest percentage of SAH is Mississippi, consistently one of the 'poorest' states.
And yes, this disproportionately effects women in the long term in a myriad of different metrics. That is a distinct lack of privilege.

I am one of the few in America who was a majority SAH by the so called privilege of choice. It is still harder for many reasons than it should've been because there is no social structure in place. My prospects for reentering the workforce now that they're almost grown are greatly diminished. It was a permanent detriment to me professionally and a sacrifice made. Would it that we lived in a society that didn't force this for some form of abnegation for both choices.
My sister was able to SAH, the difference is in her country healthcare, childcare, and education is fully subsidized. She receives the CCB each month for her children. It was easier for her.


*To every divorced parent, single parent, working parent, stay at home parent or legal guardians. Whatever flavor you are, I salute you.
None of these decisions were/are easy, the challenges ongoing and you do not get the respect you deserve. This perpetuated 'damned if you do and damned if you don't' is unfair and your very real and complex feelings are valid. I see you.

I think your stats are possibly incorrect? Sweden, Denmark and norway come up as some of the highest % of working women with kids under 6 per a 2001 survey.

Countries Compared by Labor > Working mothers. International Statistics at NationMaster.com

Working proportion of mothers with children under 6 years old 2001

www.nationmaster.com

I will say, that doesnt necessarily negate your point - those with strong social systems allow a nice amount of mat leave, likely don't punish women for taking that time off and still allow them to return to their same or equivalent position. I believe they also provide pat leave (or can split the total leave into mat/pat). And as I said I am a huge supporter of higher wages, longer mat leave, etc.

Mississippi only shows something like 6% of parents stay at home, and I would also wager there is more to that than $, but also religion, culture and politics. Wasnt it the MS governer that blamed kids lack of education on working moms? There is still a lot of shame to working moms, especially in certain areas like MS.

 

[ItsMainelyYou]

* Ah, you're right, I should have clarified : for children under 6
They have the support not only of child rearing but to reenter the workforce as well, which I also should've added in!
Yes, and while religion/culture play their part, it is largely economically based for many. It tends to inordinately effect the working poor. It costs them more to work.
This was a common issue I saw when I worked with The United Way when I was young, way before babies- I wasn't wise enough to connect to me at the time.
The pandemic actually accelerated this in many respects. It's certainly a super complicated Gordian knot of an issue for all of us.

 

[Gussie]

*To every divorced parent, single parent, working parent, stay at home parent or legal guardians. Whatever flavor you are, I salute you.
None of these decisions were/are easy, the challenges ongoing and you do not get the respect you deserve. This perpetuated 'damned if you do and damned if you don't' is unfair and your very real and complex feelings are valid. I see you.

What she said!

I would also add that there is a certain amount of guilt for most mothers whether staying at home or working. SAHMs often feel they don't contribute. In my case, I have always carried guilt that I don't use my education (many years - 3 M.S. degrees). Working moms feel they aren't home enough, at least I felt that when I did work. The grass is always greener... Women should make every effort to support each other. No one knows what is going on in anyone's life or why they make the choices they do. And no one should have to explain themselves.

 

[qubitasaurus]

My husband was at home too so I wasn’t doing it TOTALLY alone - just mostly LOL! And I had very easy babies that slept brilliantly and I didn’t breast feed. I stuck to a routine from day 1 and they both played ball perfectly. I completely understand that it’s not that way for everyone!

My gripe is a personal one and it colours my view. My husband can’t / won’t get a job so I HAVE to be the sole breadwinner. I’d be happy for him to stack shelves part time for pin money - or even do volunteer work for free - it’s not about the cash. It’s that he sits on his arse all day contributing nothing financially while I carry the weight of everything on my own. I have no choice but to work. I know it’s due to his mental health issues so I try to be understanding, and fortunately I find my job extremely fulfilling. But I certainly wouldn’t have him sat at home all day if I could wave a magic wand and change things.

And if we do divorce once the kids are off hand that will probably be the reason why.

I think I would also be upset, mostly itd be the lack of respect for my feeling. And how little he was thinking/caring about me when he made that decision to stay home, without me.

If I am in a place where I can confidently cover all expenses, I'd be ecstatic for him to stay home and teach things to my daughter and play with my son. Even if my maid ran circles arround the three of them all day Id be happy the tiny tikes had their daddy -- he's quite clever, is a good leader and an excellent problem solver and would be a better role model for them.

But if I said I needed him to work or even just provide some level of emotional support implicit in also trying to hold down a job so I didn't feel like I was doing it alone, then I'd be angry if he left me struggling to keep it together all by myself. I recognize that once I became a parent I lost the power to just say 'no I don't feel like it.'. I'll hold it together now no matter what, which is scarry at times. But I have a partner who has my back, and helps to hold me together so it's ok. I think that was non negotiable to me. I couldn't do it if he didn't have my back. And if he made decisions that impacted all of us unilaterally without me, I'd feel like it wasn't a partnership anymore.

Edit: I should say though that I don't think this is what is going on in all the sahp families I see arround me. Mainly a change of laws here forbidding the spouses of foreign nationals from working, means that when they decide to shift here (usually) for the husband's career the wife forfits the right to work. So they make a joint choice to forfeit (usually) her career for his.

 

[Tonks]

I’m a bit hesitant to wade in here but given all that has been said it is difficult not to.

To put all my cards on the table, I’m a SAHM. And I have been open here in that past that I have struggled with severe depression.

So some of the things said in this thread have been…illuminating.

First, absolutely I will acknowledge that I have privilege in being able to stay home. Yes. I do.

And, it is also true that this privilege does not mean staying home is easy or that I sit around and eat bon-bons all day. The economic reality in this country for many is that the cost of daycare makes continuing to work less than appealing for many women given that they wouldn’t have very much take home pay. And yes, it is true that “very much take home pay” to one person is a year’s salary to another person, because we are talking privilege. I acknowledge this. However, I am highly educated, we are in a very high tax bracket, and for us, my working would not have been worth it.

It is also true that I would have liked to have worked part time. And yet, in my field, part time meant 40 hours per week, which would have required full time childcare. We could not have afforded that when we had our babies.

Something else worth acknowledging is that when women get off the career path, they often cannot get back on. I am, as I mentioned earlier, highly educated. I have also been out of the workforce for well over a decade, and I honestly doubt that I am employable in my field. Would I like to go back to work when my kids go to college? Perhaps. Will I be able to? Given that I have no recent paid work experience, I don’t honestly know.

Let’s also talk mental health, since that was mentioned. I have struggled with severe depression for most of my adult life. I finally found a treatment that got me into remission, but that was 12 years into our marriage. Staying well has required a commitment to strenuous exercise, counseling, and dietary management. I will be the first to acknowledge that it has taken a toll on our marriage, but I am very lucky that my husband does not blame me for my mental illness. Marriage counseling has helped both of us tremendously, and one of the things it has done has made me more sensitive to the **enormous** emotional burden he shoulders as the family provider. It has also helped him become more sensitive to the trauma that has led to my depression. If I were to realize that he thought of me as a parasite or that he thought of divorcing me because of my illness when the kids left the house, that would truly be crushing. I don’t pretend to know the details of anyone else’s situation, I simply want to offer that from the perspective of a spouse who has worked her ass off to stay mentally well and actually currently finds herself in a downslide, despite all of said work. Would I have been able to hold a job through our marriage, aside from all the economic realities I pointed out above? Honestly, I doubt it.

 

[yssie]

@Tonks Thank you, as always, for your openness and your willingness to share. For every person who speaks out in this thread there are who knows how many more who have similar circumstances, who feel the same ways, but aren’t comfortable voicing that… Your post will resonate with a lot of people, it resonates with me.

Our demons are varied, aren’t they? And yet here we all are, we all somehow found each other… You’re valued here, too, you know. I hope you know that. And I hope this downslope rights itself for you soon

 

[Tonks]

@Tonks Thank you, as always, for your openness and your willingness to share. For every person who speaks out in this thread there are who knows how many more who have similar circumstances, who feel the same ways, but aren’t comfortable voicing that… Your post will resonate with a lot of people, it resonates with me.

Our demons are varied, aren’t they? And yet here we all are, we all somehow found each other… You’re valued here, too, you know. I hope you know that. And I hope this downslope rights itself for you soon

Thank you, @yssie , I truly appreciate that. I have every confidence the downslide will be slight and easily remedied this time—we know what treatment works now (it’s called transcranial magnetic stimulation or TMS—uses magnets of the type found in MRI machines) and I will be starting a course of it soon. Honestly, I am ok. Was a bit shocked when my doctor told me to go ahead and do it, but I would rather intervene early!

Yes, our demons are varied, and I suppose that’s why I posted. My hope for this forum is that we can remember that we see only a tiny fragment of people in what they post here, and to be kind always.

 

[Gussie]

Hugs to you @Tonks. We have more than I would like to admit in common. Although it has been mild, I too have struggled with depression. When I became a SAHM I honestly thought my world had ended. I loved my career; it was my identity. The universe (God to me) has a way of turning things on a dime though. While I was 8 months pregnant with my second child
my 3 yo son got leukemia. That requires full-time 24/7 care. During the 4 years he was in treatment, I had my 2nd and 3rd kids. Not going to sugar coat my privilege but I had a nanny and a housekeeper and was still completely overwhelmed. Every time my husband advanced in position and salary, I moved further away from going back to work. My son had been so sick that I felt unbelievably guilty even thinking about going back to work since we didn't need the money. Again, definitely privilege. But that doesn't negate the feelings I had. I never went back to work because of guilt, not to mention how hard it would have been to re-enter the workforce after so many years. In all honesty, I had to work very hard to change my attitude from seeing my staying at home as an opportunity rather than a sacrifice. I am grateful to have had the choice but it still hasn't been easy. As I mentioned before, no one knows what is going on in anyone's life or why they make the choices they do.

 

[Calliecake]

@Tonks, Your honest and thoughtful post really tugged at my heart. I hope you begin to feel better quickly and feel peace. At the end of the day, you will ALWAYS be what matters most to your family and friends. Your kindness always comes thru in all your posts.

@yssie, I know you probably already know this but I just want to tell you again how much I love your posts.

I will never understand why women can’t just support each other, especially when difficult choices are made. What may be the best decision for one woman may be another woman’s nightmare.

 

[Calliecake]

@Gussie, You have shared a lot in your threads these past few years. When I read your post up thread and you talked of bon bons and soap operas, all I could think was walking a mile in your shoes at certain points in your life would seem nearly impossible to most of us. You are a very strong woman.

 

[Gussie]

Thanks @Calliecake. You are such a huge support on ps and definitely one of the ones I would love to meet irl!

 

[Austina]

I told my husband that SAHPs were referred to as parasitic on here yesterday. He said that his parasite (lovingly and jokingly) is the finance manager, cook, nurse, taxi service, tutor, personal shopper, and emotional support provider and that he thinks it's a damn good deal.

I just told my husband the same @Gussie, he laughed and said he’d rather go out to work than do all the things that I did in the home, everything you listed, plus decorator and gardener. Great being a ‘parasite’ isn’t it?

 

[Calliecake]

I feel the same way about you @Gussie!

 

[Tonks]

Hugs to you @Tonks. We have more than I would like to admit in common. Although it has been mild, I too have struggled with depression. When I became a SAHM I honestly thought my world had ended. I loved my career; it was my identity. The universe (God to me) has a way of turning things on a dime though. While I was 8 months pregnant with my second child
my 3 yo son got leukemia. That requires full-time 24/7 care. During the 4 years he was in treatment, I had my 2nd and 3rd kids. Not going to sugar coat my privilege but I had a nanny and a housekeeper and was still completely overwhelmed. Every time my husband advanced in position and salary, I moved further away from going back to work. My son had been so sick that I felt unbelievably guilty even thinking about going back to work since we didn't need the money. Again, definitely privilege. But that doesn't negate the feelings I had. I never went back to work because of guilt, not to mention how hard it would have been to re-enter the workforce after so many years. In all honesty, I had to work very hard to change my attitude from seeing my staying at home as an opportunity rather than a sacrifice. I am grateful to have had the choice but it still hasn't been easy. As I mentioned before, no one knows what is going on in anyone's life or why they make the choices they do.

Oh @Gussie . Hugs to you. I don’t think I knew you and your family had been through this. I’m so very sorry. You are so strong and they are lucky to have you. We dealt with cancer in our family, but it was my husband, not a child. I really struggled, and truly cannot imagine the fear and anxiety of having that person be your small child. Oh, goodness. How is your son now?

Thank you for sharing with all of us. I hope we can all learn from each other on threads like this.

 

[Tonks]

@Tonks, Your honest and thoughtful post really tugged at my heart. I hope you begin to feel better quickly and feel peace. At the end of the day, you will ALWAYS be what matters most to your family and friends. Your kindness always comes thru in all your posts.

@yssie, I know you probably already know this but I just want to tell you again how much I love your posts.

I will never understand why women can’t just support each other, especially when difficult choices are made. What may be the best decision for one woman may be another woman’s nightmare.

Thank you for your kind words, @Calliecake . It is truly a balm to feel all these good wishes.

I agree, it would be lovely if we could support each other. That probably starts with understanding each other, which is one reason I have tried to share my experience here, and I am grateful to all of you doing the same.

 

[Gussie]

Oh @Gussie . Hugs to you. I don’t think I knew you and your family had been through this. I’m so very sorry. You are so strong and they are lucky to have you. We dealt with cancer in our family, but it was my husband, not a child. I really struggled, and truly cannot imagine the fear and anxiety of having that person be your small child. Oh, goodness. How is your son now?

Thank you for sharing with all of us. I hope we can all learn from each other on threads like this.

This sweet boy just graduated high school and leaves for college next week. He's a healthy, caring, smart, athletic, and all around great kid (not biased at all lol)!