What to do????

[Italiahaircolor]

A few of you may remember my handkerchief delemia...well, its back!! DUM-DUM-DUM

I found out today that M is pregnant. I am happy for her, shocked, and little thrown. I know that they arent in the best place, money-wise, and they took on a lot this past year buying a fixer-upper home which is why I''m a bit shocked. Anyway, I bought the effin hankie, after much advice...and now, she''s not having the wedding--just a court house ceremony.

So...

I feel like sending her this gift could be seen as an insult like "congratulations on your shot gun wedding..." and I don''t feel that way, and I certainly don''t want to come off like I''m happy that she''s not getting the dream wedding.

M always wanted to be a Momma...that was like the "goal" for her. I really don''t agree with the timing, I think they''re a bit under prepared to take on the daunting task of being parents and raising a child when she couldn''t afford $100.00 for alterations less than a year ago, but, regardless children are blessings.

So now, what do I do? Send the hankie with a note explaining that this was purchased before I knew she was preggers? Or do I scrap the whole thing, and get a baby gift when she has the lil'' one?

I have my reasons to be cautious, personal things regarding children in my marriage...and I don''t want her to think I''m acting out of spite or jealousy and behaving childishly because I''m not. Money issues aside (which is a fear for me, because I know it worried her in the past), I am very happy for her.

What''s a girl with a stupid hankie to do, ya''ll????

 

[Independent Gal]

If I recall correctly, you said in the other thread you didn''t want to be friends with this gal anymore? Well, then don''t! Or maybe I''m misremembering? But if that''s the case, then let. it. go. Seriously. You''re sweet to want to send something, but just don''t.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Date: 2/26/2008 12:09:34 AM
Author: Independent Gal
If I recall correctly, you said in the other thread you didn''t want to be friends with this gal anymore? Well, then don''t! Or maybe I''m misremembering? But if that''s the case, then let. it. go. Seriously. You''re sweet to want to send something, but just don''t.

You''re right Indy. Partially at least. I don''t have any intentions of buddying-up with M again...I was very hurt by her in the past. But, I''m kind of like the mob "once you''re in, you''re in" -- I''ll always care for her well being, and I''ll always take the initative to be kind. I try to do the right thing (which is how I was raised). I am not worried about a baby gift at this point because it''s like eons away...I''m just worried about the handkerchief. Do I sent it? I already have it (and it''s perfect). Or do I just tuck it away? That''s the whole point...before she was pregnant and having this lovely wedding, I was set...and now, I''m stuck because I fear sending the gift would be a slap in the face...

 

[VRBeauty]

Did you get it with the "tears" message? If so, don''t send it -- it''s certain to be misinterpreted.

If not, save it and send it as a little something for her when you send a baby or "congratulations on your pregnancy" gift.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Minims....I did get the message! Ugh! I only put that on there because that is the sentiment she put in the card she gave me when she gifted me my handkerchief on the night before my wedding...

 

[gtn]

I would save the hanky for another date. It might be misconstrued.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Gtn...it''s a loss...it has her name on it...I think I''ll just tuck it away until I meet someone else with her exact name getting married on her planned wedding day, LOL...

 

[door knob solitaire]

For those who don''t remember the quote was exchanged with Hair Color girl before her wedding... I think it was:

May this dry only your happy tears...

IHC... think their getting married now is most noble and should be supported just as if she was attired in a cathedral train and 300 guests awaiting with matching napkins a chocolate fountain and champagne. OK...so once again my flowery words were not needed in this application. But they are marrying ahead of plans because there is a baby on the way. Woo Hoo...I applaud them.

So she doesn''t get to wear a pretty dress...but dang it...it isn''t something everyone has to run and hide under a rock over.

I do agree with other posters that the quote could be misunderstood...but not in this case. You were bestowed that sentiment and you wanted to return the favor. She the recipient will recognize that quote.

IHCgirl...You put misgivings behind you...shook off injustices many of us couldn''t have...you discarded the ill will and decided to rise above it in planning months ahead...ordered the hanky and now you have this most thoughtful personalized gift...and a dilemma.

But why? Isn''t she still the same person you bought it for? It is still the same event-a wedding/a commencement of a marriage...the only difference here is it is not a huge planned event...and now there is a tiny creation a bundle of joy that will bring to her life love and wonder for years to come.

If it were me...feeling alone (without the guests and support of friends of a wedding) and scared (mother for the first time in her life)...holding onto a pretty feminine piece of material, with a beautiful sentiment, sent to me from a friend from my past while I marry would absolutely make my day. And I would remember it fondly...probably for a lifetime.

I encourage you to send it. Send it ahead of the ceremony. No need to explain when it was purchased. I would write how much the sentiment touched you and you hope to return the favor on her special day. It is you know...a very special day.

 

[VRBeauty]

Date: 2/26/2008 12:30:56 AM
Author: Italiahaircolor
Minims....I did get the message! Ugh! I only put that on there because that is the sentiment she put in the card she gave me when she gifted me my handkerchief on the night before my wedding...

I hadn''t recalled that from the previous thread... it pretty much ensures that the message wouldn''t be misconstrued! And I agree with DKS sort of... the fact of the pregnancy shouldn''t affect your decision re a wedding gift. Give her a wedding gift if you want to wish her and her marriage well, or for the sake of the friendship that was. Or don''t, if you''d rather forget that the friendship existed because of her behaviour around your wedding. But I don''t see why her pregnancy should be part of the decision.

Good luck!

 

[bee*]

Date: 2/26/2008 12:09:34 AM
Author: Independent Gal
If I recall correctly, you said in the other thread you didn''t want to be friends with this gal anymore? Well, then don''t! Or maybe I''m misremembering? But if that''s the case, then let. it. go. Seriously. You''re sweet to want to send something, but just don''t.

I agree with Indy on this one. I think I would be more hurt and possibly confused if I got a pressie in the post from someone that doesn''t want to be my friend. It would make me think that there was possibly malice behind the thought, even if there wasn''t.

I do agree though with DKS that if you were going to send it anyway, nothings changed with her only she''s not having a big affair for a wedding.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

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