Tacori E-ring
Super_Ideal_Rock
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When enough is enough - mental illness
- Thread starter kmarla
- Start date
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- Feb 8, 2013
- Messages
- 690
Dreamseeker, so many of the things you said reflect our experience with our daughter almost exactly. The meds, the poor sleeping habits, the wanting to be normal so much but never quite getting there. I'm just noticing in the last couple of days that for the first time in my memory I've slept through the night. My daughter would wake me up at least two or three times every night while she was roaming the house, opening and closing doors, banging around in the kitchen etc. I'm a very light sleeper. Thank you so much for sharing your story! It is comforting to know that others are walking a similar journey. We are all trying to find a way to help our children be happy and stable. I'm very curious to see these pics of your living room and AGBF's. Somehow I have a funny feeling that mine might be very similar too!
Tacori e-ring, your support and guidance to all of us here struggling is so very appreciated
Jambalaya, the support and comfort is wonderful. I agree with you!
AGBF, you sound like a pretty amazing person. Thank you again for sharing your story and the support you are giving everyone
I had a very productive talk with the facilitator at CMHA. My primary concern was to have a contingency plan in place for our daughter so that if her current situation fell apart she would have a safe place to be. That is now in place. I have step by step instructions of where to send her, what forms we can fill out in advance on her behalf for CMHA, and crisis numbers for her and us. This is such a huge relief for my husband and I. I will find a way to make sure my daughter has this info in her wallet in case of emergency. We'll keep it in ours as well. Our secondary concern was support for ourselves. I received information about a different support group that, like the f2 support group, is tailor made for parents in our situation and I will follow up with this group. The facilitator did confirm that the wait list for intake for counselling is years long (2-3 at the moment) as is the wait list for intake to apply for supportive housing. If you're homeless though, they can make things happen so that you've got a place to live, even if the extra support isn't in place. By the way, the "intake" process is just completing the application. Then you sit on a new wait list, also years long
My husband has received referrals through his workplace for private psychologists, and we will be following up with those. Our supplemental insurance will cover some sessions. By the way, some of you may be wondering why we can't just pursue some of these services privately. Here in Canada we have universal health care (not really free but subsidized through our high taxes) and while many services have now been delisted (no longer covered) in my province, with mental health issues we have to go through our provincial health services. We cannot see a psychiatrist privately, for example, but we can see a psychologist privately.
Tacori e-ring, your support and guidance to all of us here struggling is so very appreciated
Jambalaya, the support and comfort is wonderful. I agree with you!
AGBF, you sound like a pretty amazing person. Thank you again for sharing your story and the support you are giving everyone
I had a very productive talk with the facilitator at CMHA. My primary concern was to have a contingency plan in place for our daughter so that if her current situation fell apart she would have a safe place to be. That is now in place. I have step by step instructions of where to send her, what forms we can fill out in advance on her behalf for CMHA, and crisis numbers for her and us. This is such a huge relief for my husband and I. I will find a way to make sure my daughter has this info in her wallet in case of emergency. We'll keep it in ours as well. Our secondary concern was support for ourselves. I received information about a different support group that, like the f2 support group, is tailor made for parents in our situation and I will follow up with this group. The facilitator did confirm that the wait list for intake for counselling is years long (2-3 at the moment) as is the wait list for intake to apply for supportive housing. If you're homeless though, they can make things happen so that you've got a place to live, even if the extra support isn't in place. By the way, the "intake" process is just completing the application. Then you sit on a new wait list, also years long
My husband has received referrals through his workplace for private psychologists, and we will be following up with those. Our supplemental insurance will cover some sessions. By the way, some of you may be wondering why we can't just pursue some of these services privately. Here in Canada we have universal health care (not really free but subsidized through our high taxes) and while many services have now been delisted (no longer covered) in my province, with mental health issues we have to go through our provincial health services. We cannot see a psychiatrist privately, for example, but we can see a psychologist privately.
- Joined
- Feb 8, 2013
- Messages
- 690
- Joined
- Feb 22, 2009
- Messages
- 4,602
There is a lot of irony to my story with my stepson. First, there is the fact that I have bipolar disorder and PTSD and anxiety and have achieved stability. Second, I had been on a message board a lot like this one for people with bipolar disorder and depression for eight years. That message board had a forum for friends and family members and I frequented that board. So when my son's issues because acute, I was like, clap the hands, "I got this!" But apparently, he did not get the memo. I learned there is no template for mental illness. There were things I knew logically, but didn't apply to him because I wanted him to be well so desperately. There were also some pretty extreme outside influences that I couldn't fight, like his mother. She felt that her son being in the mental hospital, covered in cuts from head to toe was just "extra energy from springtime." No medication followed. My stepson has never been properly medicated. He self medicates now...heavily.
You're right to say that when all was said and done and when the smoke from the mushroom cloud had settled, I was hurt and resentful. I also felt like the worst person in the world to resent him, knowing what I know. The heart feels what it feels. It took a long time, two years, to realize that he was just operating on a faulty set of resources to get what he desperately needed.
The friends and family forum:
These mothers were my heroes. I still keep in touch with a few of them on facebook. Before I had this stuff happen with my son, I would call moms of kids with mental illness "Warrior Moms." They love fiercely, they have been through more than most any mom, they fight alone for their kids (most of the time), and they are covered in battle scars. These moms taught me a lot about boundaries. They taught one another about self care because they were no good to their children if they were too worn out to function. They spoke a lot of the oxygen mask analogy of breathing from the oxygen mask first so that you can help others. They treated their own depressions because many of them were actually clinically depressed from the stress of watching their kids go through the illness and from bearing the brunt of the illness. There was a steadfast rule that any threat of suicide or violence required a 911 call.
As I said, I thought I had this.. They were an amazing support network. I did practice a lot of the self care, etc, but some things were just too much.
My experience with having bipolar disorder:
I don't want to share this stuff for any other reason than to give you information.
I have learned that a very conservative approach to medication is best. I read that some meds can take up to six months to show their full benefits. In my early years of diagnosis, my doctor would switch meds out on me every two weeks or so. Because of this, I have tried most of them! But I believe this approach had dire effects on my mood state. I ended up psychotic. In the end she said there was nothing more she could do for me when I was on a very powerful, old antipsychotic and I had electroconvulsive therapy.
I will never know if I would have had psychosis anyway. I just think it was a series of bad events.
After ECT, and a few years of recovery, I took a much more conservative approach to medication. I went on one antipsychotic, that made me sleep and sleepy for three weeks. I eventually emerged from the fog and was able to function. My symptoms were lessened. I increased the dose little by little. I added another mood stabilizer after that. I slowly, over years, worked my med cocktail. I am now on several meds. In the springs, I may, very conservatively take one or two off the cocktail, but I am just thinking about it now. Some doctors want to be too aggressive. The aggressive approach has led to many problems in my experience. Also, I can't touch antidepressants with a ten foot pole.
ECT saved my life. It sounds scary. It was scary. But I don't know where I would be if I didn't have it.
The worst part of my illness didn't hit until I was quite a bit older than your children. When it did, I wanted stability very badly. When I look back, I can see that mental illness was there my whole life, especially the OCD or the obsessive thought aspect. For example, in my mind, everything in the world had feelings and as such, had to be treated equally. If I were putting dishes away, not a single dish could be out of place because it would be sad. Walking home, if I stepped on a crack, I would sit on the couch petrified, rocking back and forth crying because I was certain I killed my mother. I was irrationally afraid of taking a shower because I knew a monster was going to swim from the ocean, into the pipes, and come through the drain and eat me. I had to take baths for years. I pulled my hair and eyelashes. Twelve, I attempted suicide because I told my mom I hated her and I thought she believed me. I always had suicidal thinking. I thought it was normal. I thought that when life got too difficult, you just killed yourself. My late teens were really hard. Because of my naivete and lack of judgment, coupled with the impulsiveness of bipolar disorder, I got myself really hurt several times. I didn't live at home after 16, but not for the same reason that your children are facing. My mom was unfit.
What your kids have going for them: They have parents who love them. They already have a diagnosis. Even if they aren't acknowledging their diagnosis at this time, it is in the back of their mind. There will probably come a time when they will reach acceptance. They have help and support.
Denial: Wow... it is so easy to deny a diagnosis that doesn't have a tangible test such as a brain scan or a blood test. Sure, you can go to the Amen Clinic and get a $3000 brain scan, but who's doing that all of the time? After years of hospitalizations, meds, ECT, I still wanted to deny having bipolar disorder. I wanted this to be something else, or everyone else. I drifted in and out of acceptance. I was in a partial hospital program and having a talk with one of the therapists, saying that maybe it wasn't bipolar disorder and she said, "how would you explain all of this? What other explanation can you give to all of these events in your life?" and I was done. I have had bipolar disorder, ptsd, anxiety, and possible ocd ever since. But denial is very big for everyone! Who the heck wants this? A disorder that is so stigmatized that people shy away from you and treat you as less than? A disorder where people think you are going to harm them or shoot up a school? It is so difficult for me to tell someone my truth. I bet from your parental standpoint it has to be difficult too. I know that it is from mine.
I am not normal. Even fully medicated and stable, I am not normal. I strived for normal for a very long time and learned that is not achievable for me. First, I am permanently disabled and I have been since 2003. I will probably be in therapy for the rest of my life. My "stable" means not having gigantic mood swings, but I still struggle pretty badly with obsessive thought because I can't be medicated for it. That requires antidepressants. Also, PTSD is something that can rule me and when it gets going with obsession, whew! I have smaller moods swings. And the obsessive thought tells me stuff like my son is going to die and it will show me an entire detailed scenario, over and over again and I sit frozen. That might be a bad day. If I get really fixated on something, I might have a bad six months. I was fixated on school shootings. I had to drive around my son's school, pray over it. Then I would sit at the kitchen table, wringing my hands, talking myself out of picking him up from school, telling myself "feelings aren't facts." Months and months of that. I recently sold and bought a house, well, in September, the stress of that event required a new medication, Lithium, so a big mood stabilizer, and if I am being honest, I haven't fully recovered. My stress tolerance is at about a 5 when normal people ar at a 25.
Therapy: Therapy absolutely saved my life, 100%, the end. Meds alone wouldn't have done this. I have been seeing the same therapist for ten years. Even at my most broke, I have been paying for her out of pocket. So many people say their insurance doesn't cover therapy so they can't go or they can't afford it, but then eat out all the time, get coffees, or buy luxury items. I believe therapy is the best investment you can ever make in yourself. It has been worth every penny for me. I had to find a therapist that practices EMDR because I have trauma. It is a plus that she also does EFT. I needed somatic/experiential therapies rather than talk therapy or CBT. You can't ask a racy/manic/ocd brained person "what is the worst thing that can happen" because that is the worst thing you could ask.
I have been asked that.. For me, I had to find the right therapist who performed the right therapy.
I don't know if I am going to explain this correctly, but I am going to try:
I don't know if any of you have seen Dr. Amen's brain scan of the manic brain. He calls it "The Ring of Fire." Well, that's a pretty good description. The thing is, mania isn't just a brain experience. The brain is firing at a rate that makes you feel like you can read another person's mind because you can almost hear what is coming out of their mouths before they say it. But your body, because the brain is firing so quickly, every nerve ending is hypersensitive too. Your muscles are jumping. Shoot, sometimes it feels like your bones are jumping and you can feel the tips of your hair. What I am trying to say is that everything is heightened and on edged...and it can either be "happy, I'm so alive" on edge, or "agitated, I want to punch stuff" on edge.
This is where somatic therapies come in because they really calm down someone with bipolar disorder who is really heightened in this manner, along with mood stabilizers and/or antipsychotics.
Somatic therapies help with my obsessive thoughts because I can go through them in a safe place and hopefully heal the source.
I fully believe the teen years through the twenties are the most difficult for those with mental illness. The brain isn't done developing, there are the normal impulsivity issues and they are magnified by the illness. The last thing I want to say is don't take the nastiness personally. That really is the illness. I always say mental illness lies to the person and it is true. Everything it tells us (with MI) is so darned convincing when we are unstable. Why do you think it is able to get us to do such horrible things? The awful things coming out of their mouths is all illness. Don't take it personally. I still believe you should take care of yourselves, minimize contact, and stay safe, but look at the nastiness as an illness, not as your child.
I don't know if anything here that I have written will help. My biggest fear is that I sound presumptuous. That is not my intent. I will answer any questions if you have them.
Take care Warrior Moms.
You're right to say that when all was said and done and when the smoke from the mushroom cloud had settled, I was hurt and resentful. I also felt like the worst person in the world to resent him, knowing what I know. The heart feels what it feels. It took a long time, two years, to realize that he was just operating on a faulty set of resources to get what he desperately needed.
The friends and family forum:
These mothers were my heroes. I still keep in touch with a few of them on facebook. Before I had this stuff happen with my son, I would call moms of kids with mental illness "Warrior Moms." They love fiercely, they have been through more than most any mom, they fight alone for their kids (most of the time), and they are covered in battle scars. These moms taught me a lot about boundaries. They taught one another about self care because they were no good to their children if they were too worn out to function. They spoke a lot of the oxygen mask analogy of breathing from the oxygen mask first so that you can help others. They treated their own depressions because many of them were actually clinically depressed from the stress of watching their kids go through the illness and from bearing the brunt of the illness. There was a steadfast rule that any threat of suicide or violence required a 911 call.
As I said, I thought I had this..
They were an amazing support network. I did practice a lot of the self care, etc, but some things were just too much.My experience with having bipolar disorder:
I don't want to share this stuff for any other reason than to give you information.
I have learned that a very conservative approach to medication is best. I read that some meds can take up to six months to show their full benefits. In my early years of diagnosis, my doctor would switch meds out on me every two weeks or so. Because of this, I have tried most of them! But I believe this approach had dire effects on my mood state. I ended up psychotic. In the end she said there was nothing more she could do for me when I was on a very powerful, old antipsychotic and I had electroconvulsive therapy.
I will never know if I would have had psychosis anyway. I just think it was a series of bad events.
After ECT, and a few years of recovery, I took a much more conservative approach to medication. I went on one antipsychotic, that made me sleep and sleepy for three weeks. I eventually emerged from the fog and was able to function. My symptoms were lessened. I increased the dose little by little. I added another mood stabilizer after that. I slowly, over years, worked my med cocktail. I am now on several meds. In the springs, I may, very conservatively take one or two off the cocktail, but I am just thinking about it now. Some doctors want to be too aggressive. The aggressive approach has led to many problems in my experience. Also, I can't touch antidepressants with a ten foot pole.
ECT saved my life. It sounds scary. It was scary. But I don't know where I would be if I didn't have it.
The worst part of my illness didn't hit until I was quite a bit older than your children. When it did, I wanted stability very badly. When I look back, I can see that mental illness was there my whole life, especially the OCD or the obsessive thought aspect. For example, in my mind, everything in the world had feelings and as such, had to be treated equally. If I were putting dishes away, not a single dish could be out of place because it would be sad. Walking home, if I stepped on a crack, I would sit on the couch petrified, rocking back and forth crying because I was certain I killed my mother. I was irrationally afraid of taking a shower because I knew a monster was going to swim from the ocean, into the pipes, and come through the drain and eat me. I had to take baths for years. I pulled my hair and eyelashes. Twelve, I attempted suicide because I told my mom I hated her and I thought she believed me. I always had suicidal thinking. I thought it was normal. I thought that when life got too difficult, you just killed yourself. My late teens were really hard. Because of my naivete and lack of judgment, coupled with the impulsiveness of bipolar disorder, I got myself really hurt several times. I didn't live at home after 16, but not for the same reason that your children are facing. My mom was unfit.
What your kids have going for them: They have parents who love them. They already have a diagnosis. Even if they aren't acknowledging their diagnosis at this time, it is in the back of their mind. There will probably come a time when they will reach acceptance. They have help and support.
Denial: Wow... it is so easy to deny a diagnosis that doesn't have a tangible test such as a brain scan or a blood test. Sure, you can go to the Amen Clinic and get a $3000 brain scan, but who's doing that all of the time? After years of hospitalizations, meds, ECT, I still wanted to deny having bipolar disorder. I wanted this to be something else, or everyone else. I drifted in and out of acceptance. I was in a partial hospital program and having a talk with one of the therapists, saying that maybe it wasn't bipolar disorder and she said, "how would you explain all of this? What other explanation can you give to all of these events in your life?" and I was done. I have had bipolar disorder, ptsd, anxiety, and possible ocd ever since. But denial is very big for everyone! Who the heck wants this? A disorder that is so stigmatized that people shy away from you and treat you as less than? A disorder where people think you are going to harm them or shoot up a school? It is so difficult for me to tell someone my truth. I bet from your parental standpoint it has to be difficult too. I know that it is from mine.
I am not normal. Even fully medicated and stable, I am not normal. I strived for normal for a very long time and learned that is not achievable for me. First, I am permanently disabled and I have been since 2003. I will probably be in therapy for the rest of my life. My "stable" means not having gigantic mood swings, but I still struggle pretty badly with obsessive thought because I can't be medicated for it. That requires antidepressants. Also, PTSD is something that can rule me and when it gets going with obsession, whew! I have smaller moods swings. And the obsessive thought tells me stuff like my son is going to die and it will show me an entire detailed scenario, over and over again and I sit frozen. That might be a bad day. If I get really fixated on something, I might have a bad six months. I was fixated on school shootings. I had to drive around my son's school, pray over it. Then I would sit at the kitchen table, wringing my hands, talking myself out of picking him up from school, telling myself "feelings aren't facts." Months and months of that. I recently sold and bought a house, well, in September, the stress of that event required a new medication, Lithium, so a big mood stabilizer, and if I am being honest, I haven't fully recovered. My stress tolerance is at about a 5 when normal people ar at a 25.
Therapy: Therapy absolutely saved my life, 100%, the end. Meds alone wouldn't have done this. I have been seeing the same therapist for ten years. Even at my most broke, I have been paying for her out of pocket. So many people say their insurance doesn't cover therapy so they can't go or they can't afford it, but then eat out all the time, get coffees, or buy luxury items. I believe therapy is the best investment you can ever make in yourself. It has been worth every penny for me. I had to find a therapist that practices EMDR because I have trauma. It is a plus that she also does EFT. I needed somatic/experiential therapies rather than talk therapy or CBT. You can't ask a racy/manic/ocd brained person "what is the worst thing that can happen" because that is the worst thing you could ask.
I have been asked that.. For me, I had to find the right therapist who performed the right therapy. I don't know if I am going to explain this correctly, but I am going to try:
I don't know if any of you have seen Dr. Amen's brain scan of the manic brain. He calls it "The Ring of Fire." Well, that's a pretty good description. The thing is, mania isn't just a brain experience. The brain is firing at a rate that makes you feel like you can read another person's mind because you can almost hear what is coming out of their mouths before they say it. But your body, because the brain is firing so quickly, every nerve ending is hypersensitive too. Your muscles are jumping. Shoot, sometimes it feels like your bones are jumping and you can feel the tips of your hair. What I am trying to say is that everything is heightened and on edged...and it can either be "happy, I'm so alive" on edge, or "agitated, I want to punch stuff" on edge.
This is where somatic therapies come in because they really calm down someone with bipolar disorder who is really heightened in this manner, along with mood stabilizers and/or antipsychotics.
Somatic therapies help with my obsessive thoughts because I can go through them in a safe place and hopefully heal the source.
I fully believe the teen years through the twenties are the most difficult for those with mental illness. The brain isn't done developing, there are the normal impulsivity issues and they are magnified by the illness. The last thing I want to say is don't take the nastiness personally. That really is the illness. I always say mental illness lies to the person and it is true. Everything it tells us (with MI) is so darned convincing when we are unstable. Why do you think it is able to get us to do such horrible things? The awful things coming out of their mouths is all illness. Don't take it personally. I still believe you should take care of yourselves, minimize contact, and stay safe, but look at the nastiness as an illness, not as your child.
I don't know if anything here that I have written will help. My biggest fear is that I sound presumptuous. That is not my intent. I will answer any questions if you have them.
Take care Warrior Moms.
- Joined
- Jan 26, 2003
- Messages
- 22,155
House Cat-
I was writing you a lengthy reply when suddenly my computer turned off because Windows had decided to do an update and reconfigure some things without any regard to what I might be doing. I am going to get a Mac. I lost everything I had written to you. I wanted to thank you for a wonderful post. Maybe someday I will be able to tell you more in detail what I was going to, but I doubt it.
I'm sorry I can't get into more detail. Your posting was great.
Hugs,
Deb
I was writing you a lengthy reply when suddenly my computer turned off because Windows had decided to do an update and reconfigure some things without any regard to what I might be doing. I am going to get a Mac. I lost everything I had written to you. I wanted to thank you for a wonderful post. Maybe someday I will be able to tell you more in detail what I was going to, but I doubt it.
I'm sorry I can't get into more detail. Your posting was great.
Hugs,
Deb
- Joined
- Feb 8, 2013
- Messages
- 690
House cat, I am beyond grateful for your willingness to share your experience Please know that it is so immensely helpful to have someone with first hand experience take the time to describe what it really "feels" to be bipolar, OCD and PTSD. I have always tried to separate the "labels" from her core personality, and will admit that sometimes it is a struggle. It can be very hard sometimes to figure that out. My daughter is not able to be anywhere near as articulate as you. I had become fairly good at analyzing her mood, and seeing when it was starting to be elevated. She began a new medication a year ago and for the first time since her teen years was very compliant in taking her meds. Things were good/fairly stable for almost a year when this latest crisis happened. This time there was a bit of irritability beforehand, but I thought it was just holiday stress, the kind we all experience with changes in routine etc. I was keeping an eye out, but really had no idea things would change so rapidly. This was not her previous pattern. It is a journey and we'll always be learning and adjusting.
This morning our daughter texted and wanted us to help her out in a purchase by co-signing. Because of her recent behaviour, including her financial decisions, we expressed concern and basically said no, but nicely. My husband and I then got a very threatening, insulting and very hurtful text from the person our daughter is staying with. I guess the kid gloves are off. I am more worried than ever now about my daughter.
Please know that it is so immensely helpful to have someone with first hand experience take the time to describe what it really "feels" to be bipolar, OCD and PTSD. I have always tried to separate the "labels" from her core personality, and will admit that sometimes it is a struggle. It can be very hard sometimes to figure that out. My daughter is not able to be anywhere near as articulate as you. I had become fairly good at analyzing her mood, and seeing when it was starting to be elevated. She began a new medication a year ago and for the first time since her teen years was very compliant in taking her meds. Things were good/fairly stable for almost a year when this latest crisis happened. This time there was a bit of irritability beforehand, but I thought it was just holiday stress, the kind we all experience with changes in routine etc. I was keeping an eye out, but really had no idea things would change so rapidly. This was not her previous pattern. It is a journey and we'll always be learning and adjusting.This morning our daughter texted and wanted us to help her out in a purchase by co-signing. Because of her recent behaviour, including her financial decisions, we expressed concern and basically said no, but nicely. My husband and I then got a very threatening, insulting and very hurtful text from the person our daughter is staying with. I guess the kid gloves are off. I am more worried than ever now about my daughter.
sonnyjane
Ideal_Rock
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- Jul 13, 2008
- Messages
- 2,476
Paz
Rough_Rock
- Joined
- May 19, 2009
- Messages
- 66
House Cat- Thank you, thank you, thank you!
My husband was just diagnosed with ptsd, and bipolar disorder, just last week, after 3 years of unstable behavior on antidepressants. Our marriage has been hell for me, and everything you shared has reflected dh's struggle.
I truly appreciate your openess, as it is helping me understand some of what my husband is going through. I also can start to let go of some of the hurtful things he has said, while in the grips of pyschosis, due to your insights! Again, thank you.
To all the moms or anyone else here who loves someone with MI, you have my deepest respect and lots of love is being sent your way.
My husband was just diagnosed with ptsd, and bipolar disorder, just last week, after 3 years of unstable behavior on antidepressants. Our marriage has been hell for me, and everything you shared has reflected dh's struggle.
I truly appreciate your openess, as it is helping me understand some of what my husband is going through. I also can start to let go of some of the hurtful things he has said, while in the grips of pyschosis, due to your insights! Again, thank you.
To all the moms or anyone else here who loves someone with MI, you have my deepest respect and lots of love is being sent your way.
Q
Queenie60
Guest
Housecat: Your post has brought me to tears. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing your personal experiences. Our family is currently in trauma - this Mental Illness thread came out at just the right time for me. It's a way for me to vent without being judged. Our son is currently unraveling right before my eyes. Last night he informed Bob and I that he took 13 Xanax the previously night, attempting to kill himself - he says that we drove him to it. Personally, I don't believe that he truly attempted suicide or he would not be announcing it. He then left the house until 6 am this morning. My husband sent me a text at 8:30 am, asking me to come to the driveway to look in our sons car - there was a very large mason jar on his seat, completely out in the open, filled to the top with marijuana. I am hoping that he does not get arrested as he is obviously selling the stuff. I also hope that he does not loose his job which is the only success that he has felt since the age of 12. I am currently reaching out to NAMI with hopes that they have some type of crisis intervention or some other resources I can access. We provide psychotherapy for our son, unlimited as we have a credit card on file at the office. He refuses to take medication since when he was in boarding school they over medicated him. We are at our wits end. I am hoping that he is not using other drugs such as cocaine or anything else narcotic as I don't understand how someone can come in at 6 am and be gone from the house by 11. I left to workout this morning and when I arrived back he was already gone. His behavior is strange at best. We are close to having an apartment for him and hopefully moving away from Bob and I will give him a chance to regroup and find it in his heart to try to have a relationship with us. All I can do is pray that he takes care of himself. We will continue to provide for him but can't have him in our home as it's not healthy for either one of us.
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- Jan 11, 2006
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- Joined
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- Messages
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- Joined
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kmarla|1452696936|3975371 said:Dreamseeker, so many of the things you said reflect our experience with our daughter almost exactly. The meds, the poor sleeping habits, the wanting to be normal so much but never quite getting there. I'm just noticing in the last couple of days that for the first time in my memory I've slept through the night. My daughter would wake me up at least two or three times every night while she was roaming the house, opening and closing doors, banging around in the kitchen etc. I'm a very light sleeper. Thank you so much for sharing your story! It is comforting to know that others are walking a similar journey. We are all trying to find a way to help our children be happy and stable. I'm very curious to see these pics of your living room and AGBF's. Somehow I have a funny feeling that mine might be very similar too!
Tacori e-ring, your support and guidance to all of us here struggling is so very appreciated
Jambalaya, the support and comfort is wonderful. I agree with you!
AGBF, you sound like a pretty amazing person. Thank you again for sharing your story and the support you are giving everyone
I had a very productive talk with the facilitator at CMHA. My primary concern was to have a contingency plan in place for our daughter so that if her current situation fell apart she would have a safe place to be. That is now in place. I have step by step instructions of where to send her, what forms we can fill out in advance on her behalf for CMHA, and crisis numbers for her and us. This is such a huge relief for my husband and I. I will find a way to make sure my daughter has this info in her wallet in case of emergency. We'll keep it in ours as well. Our secondary concern was support for ourselves. I received information about a different support group that, like the f2 support group, is tailor made for parents in our situation and I will follow up with this group. The facilitator did confirm that the wait list for intake for counselling is years long (2-3 at the moment) as is the wait list for intake to apply for supportive housing. If you're homeless though, they can make things happen so that you've got a place to live, even if the extra support isn't in place. By the way, the "intake" process is just completing the application. Then you sit on a new wait list, also years long
Glad you are actually getting some sleep!!! I probably seriously would have lost my mind way before now if we had not thought of making him a room upstairs in the detached garage. My sleep was disturbed for sooo many years as our son would make food in the middle of the night and that kind of thing. Lots of similarities. One of the problems here is that housing for people like our son, if you could even access it, would put him right in an unsafe area around people who might not be a good influence. He needs people who are very stable and who do not drink or use drugs. Finding young men for friends who do not drink is not easy. So that is one issue to research regarding housing. That was even a problem with the low cost place we found for him that he could afford with his small SSI check.
It was our dining rooms (AGBF)..both very traditional, formal antique reproduction furniture, probably oriental rugs...I forget some of the details!
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Sorry for all these catch-up posts in a row.
Housecat...thank you so much for sharing your experiences. In a way it is encouraging to hear someone functioning as well as you sound. As scary as ECT sounds, I came to the conclusion before that I would pretty much be willing to try anything. Did you feel like that really helped? Did you have any memory loss from it? We haven't really pursued it because after trying psychiatrists who weren't all that helpful, our son went back to the family doctor for meds and that doctor obviously doesn't feel comfortable prescribing ECT.
Ironically, last year at our daughter's college, there was a play (musical, actually) called "Next to Normal" and we went. The main character had bipolar. It showed how the whole family was affected by the condition of the person with MI. It was somewhat painful to watch, but in a way it was a reminder that we are not alone in this struggle. The character had ECT, and your mentioning it is what made me think of the play.
You'd better believe it is scary to say to others that our son has Asperger's and bipolar (we don't go down the whole list as two things is enough). Lots of bad associations with that. I honestly believe that meds or the combination of meds or weaning off meds can result in some bad things happening.
kmarla..ugh, yes, association with wrong people has put our son in a lot of danger before. We had to basically go move him out of a shared living arrangement once because of other people who could have potentially gotten him in trouble. I hope your daughter will get out of there if things become unsafe for her.
Paz...bless your heart. I am so sorry for your pain, and I hope your husband's condition will improve with whatever help he can access.
Queenie The self-medicating years were the absolute worst for us. I didn't know whether he'd end up dead or in jail. And he wouldn't have been able to handle jail, so that was almost my bigger fear, as weird as that may sound to people who don't understand. I know this also may sound crazy, but I almost think marijuana (in its natural form and preferably legally prescribed) might be helpful to an extent, as compared with almost any other substance (and some of the prescription meds which may be dangerous long term).
Housecat...thank you so much for sharing your experiences. In a way it is encouraging to hear someone functioning as well as you sound. As scary as ECT sounds, I came to the conclusion before that I would pretty much be willing to try anything. Did you feel like that really helped? Did you have any memory loss from it? We haven't really pursued it because after trying psychiatrists who weren't all that helpful, our son went back to the family doctor for meds and that doctor obviously doesn't feel comfortable prescribing ECT.
Ironically, last year at our daughter's college, there was a play (musical, actually) called "Next to Normal" and we went. The main character had bipolar. It showed how the whole family was affected by the condition of the person with MI. It was somewhat painful to watch, but in a way it was a reminder that we are not alone in this struggle. The character had ECT, and your mentioning it is what made me think of the play.
You'd better believe it is scary to say to others that our son has Asperger's and bipolar (we don't go down the whole list as two things is enough). Lots of bad associations with that. I honestly believe that meds or the combination of meds or weaning off meds can result in some bad things happening.
kmarla..ugh, yes, association with wrong people has put our son in a lot of danger before. We had to basically go move him out of a shared living arrangement once because of other people who could have potentially gotten him in trouble. I hope your daughter will get out of there if things become unsafe for her.
Paz...bless your heart. I am so sorry for your pain, and I hope your husband's condition will improve with whatever help he can access.
Queenie The self-medicating years were the absolute worst for us. I didn't know whether he'd end up dead or in jail. And he wouldn't have been able to handle jail, so that was almost my bigger fear, as weird as that may sound to people who don't understand. I know this also may sound crazy, but I almost think marijuana (in its natural form and preferably legally prescribed) might be helpful to an extent, as compared with almost any other substance (and some of the prescription meds which may be dangerous long term).
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sonnyjane|1452715284|3975553 said:
Thank you Sonnyjane. We know it was the right thing to do but we're paying a heavy price. Apart from the threatening texts, I found out this morning that she's been texting our friends and possibly family making allegations that we cleaned out her bank account etc. She doesn't realize that the bank can track which card was used. It's very hurtful.
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Paz, thank you so much for your words of support. They mean a lot. I am so sorry that you have been dealing with a partner with mental illness. (((Hugs)))
Jambalaya, thank you for the dust. I don't think the worst is over yet and I can really use it right now!
Diamondseeker, we are very concerned that the people she's staying with have criminal backgrounds. This is based on what the woman told my husband about herself. The part of town our daughter is staying in is very sketchy and I constantly worry about her safety. Her very recent actions are now making us concerned about our safety. She brought this person to our house. We will be having the locks changed just in case. Just for your info, your dining room sounds just like my dining room, even down to the oriental rug!
Queenie60, I am so sorry that your family is going through this crisis right now. Sometimes we can't do much to help except offer words, but please know I am thinking of you and sending lots of dust your way!!
Jambalaya, thank you for the dust. I don't think the worst is over yet and I can really use it right now!
Diamondseeker, we are very concerned that the people she's staying with have criminal backgrounds. This is based on what the woman told my husband about herself. The part of town our daughter is staying in is very sketchy and I constantly worry about her safety. Her very recent actions are now making us concerned about our safety. She brought this person to our house. We will be having the locks changed just in case. Just for your info, your dining room sounds just like my dining room, even down to the oriental rug!
Queenie60, I am so sorry that your family is going through this crisis right now. Sometimes we can't do much to help except offer words, but please know I am thinking of you and sending lots of dust your way!!
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- 2,385
I've been following this thread and wishing I could offer some helpful suggestions.
Unfortunately, I have none.
Mental health issues can have such a life-changing impact on individuals and their loved ones.
I know saying that is an understatement.
As a mother, it is heart-breaking to read what some of you are dealing with in regard to your children.
I know that even family and friends don't always understand the reality of mental health issues.
Their reactions can create feelings of isolation and being alone in the struggles.
Know that there are people who understand and care.
Ensure your safety as much as possible while trying to protect your loved one.
Tragically, mental health issues can sometimes result in violent behaviour.
My heart goes out to you.
Hugs
Unfortunately, I have none.
Mental health issues can have such a life-changing impact on individuals and their loved ones.
I know saying that is an understatement.
As a mother, it is heart-breaking to read what some of you are dealing with in regard to your children.
I know that even family and friends don't always understand the reality of mental health issues.
Their reactions can create feelings of isolation and being alone in the struggles.
Know that there are people who understand and care.
Ensure your safety as much as possible while trying to protect your loved one.
Tragically, mental health issues can sometimes result in violent behaviour.
My heart goes out to you.
Hugs
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- Jan 11, 2006
- Messages
- 58,559
kmarla|1452715037|3975549 said:
Oh crap. I just knew it was headed that way. I had PTSD and major depression from spouse abuse before I got a divorce. At one point, I was going suicidal and I committed myself voluntarily to the psych ward at the local hospital because I didn't know any better. I can honestly say that I have never ever met scarier people than I met in that "public" psych ward. I later found out that middle and upper class people go to a different private facility in a nearby city just to avoid the "rough crowd" winds up at that local hospital. Some of those people, a good many apparently, judging by what was said in group, had criminal records and had been in/out of hospitals and psych wards at least 8 times. Some, I am dead certain, were faking their "voices" in order to get a disability check. They were making phone calls to people outside about getting Harley parts or buying/selling this or that, and then a RN or tech would walk through and they'd put on their mentally ill act again. I got myself as soon as possible, and then went to outpatient meetings for a couple of weeks before deciding I was still in with the wrong crowd and I'd do better to just go to the gym instead. This is why I am remain skeptical about some of the "mentally ill." Grifters might be a more apppropriate label.
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Queenie60,
I wish I could do more than offer understanding. However, I know that having someone understand a situation is important and does help. Try to stay strong but recognize that you are human.
Diamondseeker2006,
Despite the seriousness of this issue, your post made me laugh! Although some people might find this odd, I have wished for boredom! But I guess everyone on this thread would understand the desire for 'boredom'; calm, routine, no drama or stress. A bad day means you broke a nail.
I'm also a planner but found life taking 180 degree turns that weren't addressed in my Plan A or Plan B. Sometimes my 'Worse Case Scenario' looked pretty good compared to reality.
But there can be unexpected joys in life and blessings even during a storm. Not always. But sometimes.
And although we may at times be hurt with the reactions of those we thought close, we can also be surprised and strengthened by support and care from unexpected sources.
I sincerely hope that each of you can find some peace and joy despite the difficult circumstances.
Hugs
I wish I could do more than offer understanding. However, I know that having someone understand a situation is important and does help. Try to stay strong but recognize that you are human.
Diamondseeker2006,
Despite the seriousness of this issue, your post made me laugh! Although some people might find this odd, I have wished for boredom! But I guess everyone on this thread would understand the desire for 'boredom'; calm, routine, no drama or stress. A bad day means you broke a nail.
I'm also a planner but found life taking 180 degree turns that weren't addressed in my Plan A or Plan B. Sometimes my 'Worse Case Scenario' looked pretty good compared to reality.
But there can be unexpected joys in life and blessings even during a storm. Not always. But sometimes.
And although we may at times be hurt with the reactions of those we thought close, we can also be surprised and strengthened by support and care from unexpected sources.
I sincerely hope that each of you can find some peace and joy despite the difficult circumstances.
Hugs
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- Feb 22, 2009
- Messages
- 4,602
Thank you everyone for your kind words. I really want to reply to you in more detail, and I will, but....somehow, our children must be cosmically linked...
My step son called yesterday asking for some "dad time." I knew that didn't mean anything good. He didn't want to come into the house because he didn't want my 10 year old to see him. He said he was in bad shape. When he arrived, my husband met him outside. My son needed to use the bathroom and asked if our neighbors would mind if he used our bushes. My husband told him to go inside and use our restroom. My husband has the worst sense of smell. I, on the other hand have a bionic sense of smell and even smell things that arent there (it's a trauma thing.) The smell of stink, cigarettes, and booze followed him. He came out, hugged my youngest, hugged me and slurred how much he loved me, turned around and there was a bottle in his pocket. He left. I texted my husband that he had an open container in his pocket.
They talked for hours, my son told him he can't control his drinking, he's full of regrets about all the horrible things he did when he was a kid, he misses his daughter, he's been suicidal, can't stop the pot. My husband hugs him reinforces the love and recommends meetings...says he will help him to go.
Husband tells me thing and I am shocked that he didn't take him to the ER for inpatient treatment. My step son's biggest obstacle in getting well has always been his biological parent's denial about his true condition or the severity of it. This boy hasn't been ok for years but my husband will say to me from time to time that he thinks he's ok. As he's being arrested for bar brawls, can't control drinking, never seeing his daughter, weighing 2 pounds, never bathing.
We get in touch with him and suggest inpatient rehab and he likes the idea. He asks how to get there, we say to either call mental health in the morning or to go to the ER. He said his roommates want him to go to the ER tonight. He Went to the ER and that is the last we heard. WE have no idea where he is at this point. My daughter called the ER and he isn't there. I am praying he is in the hospital and not back at his house, which is next door to his mother, who smokes pot with him and is very toxic to his wellbeing.
My body went electric the moment I smelled him. I wish I could just be detached and normal and rational about him, but when I see that level of psychic pain in a child that I love, my body just overloads.
My step son called yesterday asking for some "dad time." I knew that didn't mean anything good. He didn't want to come into the house because he didn't want my 10 year old to see him. He said he was in bad shape. When he arrived, my husband met him outside. My son needed to use the bathroom and asked if our neighbors would mind if he used our bushes. My husband told him to go inside and use our restroom. My husband has the worst sense of smell. I, on the other hand have a bionic sense of smell and even smell things that arent there (it's a trauma thing.) The smell of stink, cigarettes, and booze followed him. He came out, hugged my youngest, hugged me and slurred how much he loved me, turned around and there was a bottle in his pocket. He left. I texted my husband that he had an open container in his pocket.
They talked for hours, my son told him he can't control his drinking, he's full of regrets about all the horrible things he did when he was a kid, he misses his daughter, he's been suicidal, can't stop the pot. My husband hugs him reinforces the love and recommends meetings...says he will help him to go.
Husband tells me thing and I am shocked that he didn't take him to the ER for inpatient treatment. My step son's biggest obstacle in getting well has always been his biological parent's denial about his true condition or the severity of it. This boy hasn't been ok for years but my husband will say to me from time to time that he thinks he's ok.
As he's being arrested for bar brawls, can't control drinking, never seeing his daughter, weighing 2 pounds, never bathing. We get in touch with him and suggest inpatient rehab and he likes the idea. He asks how to get there, we say to either call mental health in the morning or to go to the ER. He said his roommates want him to go to the ER tonight. He Went to the ER and that is the last we heard. WE have no idea where he is at this point. My daughter called the ER and he isn't there. I am praying he is in the hospital and not back at his house, which is next door to his mother, who smokes pot with him and is very toxic to his wellbeing.
My body went electric the moment I smelled him. I wish I could just be detached and normal and rational about him, but when I see that level of psychic pain in a child that I love, my body just overloads.
Q
Queenie60
Guest
Housecat: My husband too, is in denial most of the time. He just wants everything to be okay. During this latest episode, he has finally agreed that we need to move our son out of our home in the most gentle way we can. Luckily we can continue to help him financially. That is one blessing we have. I couldn't imagine what would happen if he had to fend for himself financially. I'm hoping we can iron this out sometime soon. I wish you luck with your stepson.
Tacori E-ring
Super_Ideal_Rock
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diamondseeker2006|1452749846|3975805 said:
House Cat wrote that our children must be cosmically linked. My best friend and I have often thought that about our two children. I certainly have a feeling of kinship with the women in this group now!
Since this is Pricescope, I hope you ladies will not mind a minor threadjack. diamondseeker and I were once in a thread in which we discussed sterling flatware and holloware. In the course of the thread we discovered that our dining rooms-the furniture sets and the rooms and even our Christmas china-was similar enough to get other people contributing to the thread confused about whose photos were whose!
I found the old thread and the photos, so I thought I'd share them here. Silly and fluffy, but I hope OK.
Deb
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I remembered discussing china and silverware, but I had totally forgotten posting all that stuff! lol! Someone must have asked how those candelabra (that I never use) come apart! I can't imagine why I posted that many pictures of them!
Housecat...I hope and pray that your son is getting help. It sounds like he knows he needs it which is the necessary factor to begin to move in the right direction. Alcohol and drug abuse/addiction is a tough, tough thing to deal with and overcome.
Regarding husbands...my son has always confided more in me. I guess I am the mom and just have more patience and compassion, or he thinks that anyway. My husband is busy and works a LOT, so part of it is that I have been more available. I do not think my husband has understood our son through the years, especially earlier. I think now that we have diagnoses and years of history, my husband now really understands that our son is disabled. My background is special ed., so it was all easier for me to figure out and understand. I think extended family for a long time just thought he was lazy or an alcoholic or something. It really, really helped when we were able to say, he is diagnosed with bipolar and is trying medications but it is very hard to get him to feeling well. Then the Asperger's explained the rest. No one in the extended family ever talks about it as they don't know what to say. Our son was always miserable going to extended family events, so it was a relief for all when we understood that and told him he didn't have to go. He couldn't take the noise level and so many people in one place for holidays and that kind of thing.
Housecat...I hope and pray that your son is getting help. It sounds like he knows he needs it which is the necessary factor to begin to move in the right direction. Alcohol and drug abuse/addiction is a tough, tough thing to deal with and overcome.
Regarding husbands...my son has always confided more in me. I guess I am the mom and just have more patience and compassion, or he thinks that anyway. My husband is busy and works a LOT, so part of it is that I have been more available. I do not think my husband has understood our son through the years, especially earlier. I think now that we have diagnoses and years of history, my husband now really understands that our son is disabled. My background is special ed., so it was all easier for me to figure out and understand. I think extended family for a long time just thought he was lazy or an alcoholic or something. It really, really helped when we were able to say, he is diagnosed with bipolar and is trying medications but it is very hard to get him to feeling well. Then the Asperger's explained the rest. No one in the extended family ever talks about it as they don't know what to say. Our son was always miserable going to extended family events, so it was a relief for all when we understood that and told him he didn't have to go. He couldn't take the noise level and so many people in one place for holidays and that kind of thing.
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