Who is typically invited to your shower?

[zoebartlett]

My FMIL and her daughters are throwing me one shower and my mom''s friend is giving me another one (they''re in different areas of my state). My FMIL asked me to let her know who I wanted to invite to her shower. At first, I wasn''t going to add anyone to the guest list, knowing that my FI''s family would be there. Then I thought more about it and I decided to invite a few of my FI''s friends'' wives (5 of them). I''ve only met them either once or just a handful of times. I definitely would not consider them friends (yet?) but I was under the impression that any female in the immediate area of where the shower is being held is invited (considering they''ll be invited to the wedding). I spoke to my mom and she thought that I was wrong to do that. The way my mom phrased it was "Zoe, are they friends of yours? No. There''s no need to invite them." Oops. It''s done now -- I''ve already given my FMIL names and addresses of these girls. I''m wondering though -- do you think they''ll think it''s odd that they got a random shower invitation for someone they don''t really know? Getting invited to someone''s wedding is one thing (you might not know the bride but you know the groom -- that kind of thing), but this may be different.

I''m curious as to what proper etiquette is regarding showers.

 

[mimzy]

i''m really not sure what the proper etiquette is, and i''m curious to know the answers, because i''ll be facing that question soon myself.

from my extremely limited experience with showers, i think that most brides invite only closest family and friends or EVERYONE that''s invited to the wedding (girl-wise). these women probably won''t find it strange (unless their social circle has different customs maybe?) and will probably be touched. if you are worried about it being strange, you could always invite them over or out to lunch in the name of getting to know them better maybe? also, it might help, if it isn''t too late, to add a couple more people to the invite list, so it isn''t just family and them. otherwise just explain to them that you don''t have a lot of friends in the area.....or maybe let them know that they will also be invited to the one that your mom is throwing and that they are welcome to attend the one that is more convenient for them....which will most likely be the one your FMIL is throwing, and then they will just likely assume that everyone else is going to the other. that all seems sort of elaborate......and i probably overthought it way too much, but i figured i''d throw it all out there just in case you were really worried! (which i''m sure you have no reason to be

)

 

[diamondfan]

To me, you can have some overlap, but if distance is an issue that makes it tough. For your mom''s friend, it would likely be mostly your mom''s circle of friends. For you FMIL, it could be some of her friends who are in her life, and then the tough part is deciding on who, in your own circle of pals and family gets invited to which one. You could always invite the core group to both, let them know two gifts are not allowed, and let them see which one works better for them.

 

[zoebartlett]

Thanks for your thoughts Mimzy and DF. I used to live closer to my FILs when I was in grad school, and I do have two friends still in that relative area. I was thinking of either just inviting them to the shower that my FMIL is giving (since it''s closer than the other one will be) or giving them the choice of which one they''d like to attend. All of my other friends and coworkers we''re inviting live closer to this area of our state, so I''m going to ask my mom''s friend to include them at her shower. It could be sort of awkward to invite only two friends to my FMIL''s shower but it would be more convenient for them.

As far as my FI''s friends'' wives go, I do like the idea of maybe hanging out with them before hand, as sort of an ice breaker. It''s not something I''d ever really do without my FI there but I can get over that. We are very different and I know we''re not ever going to be close (we just lead very different lifestyles). Since they''re married to guys my FI sees or talks with (very occasionally, I might add), we''re all going to reconnect over the years at some point. I know this invitation will be completely out of the blue for them but hopefully they''ll see it as a thoughtful gesture.

I''m sorry if this all sounds confusing. It''s not really but maybe I''m making it that way. My rambling probably doesn''t help.