Would you forgive your SO cheating on you.

[decodelighted]

I''m not gonna even pretend to know what I actually *WOULD* do ... these worst case scenarios aren''t so healthy/fun/helpful for those of us with wee anxiety disorders!

I try VERY HARD just to deal with problems I''m *actually* facing & not make up hypothetical ones to stress about!

Also -- it''s been my personal experience that people can almost NEVER accurately predict how they''ll deal with something terrible beforehand. When it comes time to MOVE OUT OF THE HOUSE ... or ... start life completely over ... or go back to work - a lotta stuff can get all justified & worked out & rationalized on away so no one''s late for soccer practice & Louis Vuittons don''t end up on ebay.

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 1/16/2007 4:36:17 PM
Author: Gypsy

Date: 1/16/2007 4:31:50 PM
Author: mtrb


And there is the rub... Men are from Mars, and women are from Venus.
Sex is entirely seperate from love for most guys. Most of us love our wives and learn how to incorporate this into sex for the benefit of our partner, but it is not inherently natural for most men. That is why men slip. I think with women the issues with the marriage go much deeper and that is when a woman slips.

Yeah. See what I don''t do... is buy this for a SECOND. And I know that my DF doesn''t buy into this either. Thank God.

me either LOL women can be just as visceral as men, even moreso when animal fertility instinct kicks in - and men can be quite affectionate and loving and rejoycing and intimate al of of those things - naturally and not just because they think they should. Just proves that some men really do grunt LOL

 

[ellaila]

Date: 1/16/2007 4:23:42 PM
Author: KristyDarling
Well, call me an unforgiving wench but it''s still a dealbreaker for me. If he doesn''t love and respect me enough to keep it in his pants, then that means there is something very wrong with the relationship. I suppose I *might* consider a reconciliation with the help of a marriage counselor, especially since we have kids and I''d really want to keep the family together if at all possible...but knowing the way I am, the damage done might be too great for me to ever fully recover from the hurt. Trust has flown out the window. For me, any extramarital sex -- regardless of how emotionally meaningless it might''ve been -- is a deliberate act and not a ''momentary insanity'' kind of mistake. That part of our relationship is so precious to me that I could never stomach the idea of him sharing that with someone else, even if he said it didn''t mean anything. It would shatter my heart to pieces.

Amen!! And even if we had a family, I think I''d still feel the same way -- maybe even more so actually because I would feel like he betrayed not just me but ALL of us. I don''t think "for better or worse" applies to cheating. To me, "for better or for worse" is dealing with the ups and downs that life throws at you that you can''t control. Cheating is controllable - it is intentional. And it is definitely a dealbreaker for me.

This is making me sad to even think about!

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 1/16/2007 5:09:19 PM
Author: ellaila

This is making me sad to even think about!

Ohhh. I''m sorry. It wasn''t meant to! I was... just mulling the converstation over, and thought I''d ask.

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 1/16/2007 4:55:30 PM
Author: decodelighted
I''m not gonna even pretend to know what I actually *WOULD* do ... these worst case scenarios aren''t so healthy/fun/helpful for those of us with wee anxiety disorders!

I try VERY HARD just to deal with problems I''m *actually* facing & not make up hypothetical ones to stress about!

Also -- it''s been my personal experience that people can almost NEVER accurately predict how they''ll deal with something terrible beforehand. When it comes time to MOVE OUT OF THE HOUSE ... or ... start life completely over ... or go back to work - a lotta stuff can get all justified & worked out & rationalized on away so no one''s late for soccer practice & Louis Vuittons don''t end up on ebay.

you know I think you nailed a lot of it here as well... if the dh cheated it would in my head make a major change in our relationship but not necessarily end it - well it couldn''t end because of the kids, but I''d find something that *I* was comfortable with even if it meant drawing a line between our home/family and our individual sex lives. Not just out of $$ convenience but out of the desire to share holidays with the kids and their father because I like him and love him. My love for him isn''t based on vows. Things change. I dunno... we are each diferent but I''m also totally different now than if you asked me this a year into marriage or while we were dating. I saw everything in black and white then.

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 1/16/2007 4:08:02 PM
Author:Gypsy
My DF and I were talking about some friends of ours (not the ''nudge nudge wink wink type of friends,'' but rather real friends) and he said this to me, ''Before I met you I always swore that I wouldn''t be able to stand being with a person who cheated on me, but that''s changed.''

Which was a strange comment as I''ve never cheated, and neither has he... but I understood what he meant. For us, after nearly 8 years of being togetheer, our relationship is about so much more than the physical...that if it truly just a one time slip... I can see myself eventually forgiving him... provided that there was no ''I think I''m in love with her'' or (extra) humilation involved.

Without any confessions or anything like that... does anyone else understand that? Because its wierd to me, that NOW that I''m in a stable, long term, commited relationship cheating isn''t a brightline deal breaker anymore.

There was a movie, or maybe it was a book, where a middle age woman in England''s husband left her for a younger woman ... and her daughter could not understand why the mother would not accept that he was gone. She would go about her daily routine as if he could be coming home any time. And at the end, he did. We walked in and hovered by the kitchen door uncertain, until she looked at him and asked him what he wanted to eat. Relieved, he sat... she cooked and placed the meal in front of him. He looked at her and said, ''I''ve been a fool.'' She replied, ''Yes.'' and that was it.

Funny thing is... it made perfect sense to me. Anyone else?

I finally just read the last two parts of your post and YES IT MAKES PERFECT SENSE lol!!

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 1/16/2007 5:24:04 PM
Author: Cehrabehra

Date: 1/16/2007 4:08:02 PM
Author:Gypsy


There was a movie, or maybe it was a book, where a middle age woman in England''s husband left her for a younger woman ... and her daughter could not understand why the mother would not accept that he was gone. She would go about her daily routine as if he could be coming home any time. And at the end, he did. We walked in and hovered by the kitchen door uncertain, until she looked at him and asked him what he wanted to eat. Relieved, he sat... she cooked and placed the meal in front of him. He looked at her and said, ''I''ve been a fool.'' She replied, ''Yes.'' and that was it.

Funny thing is... it made perfect sense to me. Anyone else?

I finally just read the last two parts of your post and YES IT MAKES PERFECT SENSE lol!!

I know right? I was watching/reading (I get the two confused, frankly) that and it was just... logical.

You are SO certain of him. You''ve known him THAT well, for THAT long. You KNOW he''s being a complete fool, and you KNOW he''s going to come crawling back when he realizes it too. And when he does, all you are going to want to do is put it behind you. Doesn''t mean your heart didn''t break. It did. But you can dwell or move past it. And you want what you had enough to move past it.

 

[E B]

Date: 1/16/2007 5:09:19 PM
Author: ellaila

I don''t think ''for better or worse'' applies to cheating. To me, ''for better or for worse'' is dealing with the ups and downs that life throws at you that you can''t control. Cheating is controllable - it is intentional. And it is definitely a dealbreaker for me.

I completely agree. Cheating definitely doesn''t fit into the "for worse" category, IMO.

 

[KSA]

I can't believe I'm even writing this, but my FI did cheat on me once. It was at the beginning of our relationship and under some odd circumstances. I only found out about 9 months ago (he told me) and we have been working to get over it ever since. It is hard. For the most part, we have worked past it. I do trust him again --in some ways, I trust him more than I ever did before, because he knows the pain he has caused me and has really changed as a person. But, there are times it still becomes an issue. He sometimes still thinks that I cannot fully respect him, or sees himself as a bad person. I sometimes think that he should give me more credit for overcoming things with him. It's strange --it doesn't even become about the actual cheating after a while. It becomes about other things. I have read that the issues he is having with concerns over me not viewing him in the same way I used to are quite common under the circumstances. The hardest part really is the pattern of arguing that you can fall into. We definitely bicker about smaller things more than we used to. Sometimes I wonder if we can't come back from it. But, there are other times where things only feel better than ever. We have pushed back getting married to make sure we are going to make it. But I still love him and he loves me, so we keep working on it. I think that it is also possible that the cheating allowed us to dust all the "new shiny luster" off the relationship and get at the nitty-gritty earlier. So, I won't say that anyone should or should not forgive (obviously, it depends on the couple), but it is so incredibly hard either way.

I might also add that I never thought I would try and work through this with someone. I had taken a very hard stance on this before (it had happened to one of my friends). I am a tough person, and can be tough on people, but still when the time came, I found myself wanting to try.

 

[Mara]

Date: 1/16/2007 5:29:10 PM
Author: EBree

Date: 1/16/2007 5:09:19 PM
Author: ellaila

I don''t think ''for better or worse'' applies to cheating. To me, ''for better or for worse'' is dealing with the ups and downs that life throws at you that you can''t control. Cheating is controllable - it is intentional. And it is definitely a dealbreaker for me.

I completely agree. Cheating definitely doesn''t fit into the ''for worse'' category, IMO.

see I totally disagree. How can cheating not be a worse?! It''s one of THE worst! there''s no *definition* of for better or worse in any sort of dictionary, it''s a personal thing...

i also agree that most people don''t know how they would really deal with it til it happens to them. kind of like someone''s stance on abortion.

and i don''t agree that cheating is always controllable. sometimes life is just flat out plain out of control. sometimes people are simply not themselves. i think that realizing that your mate is not perfect in general will take you a long way in life. just my thoughts. i don''t really take a hard line on much because i think there are too many variables where people flat out can''t know how they would react in a situation. or what they would do afterwards.

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 1/16/2007 5:34:11 PM
Author: Mara

Date: 1/16/2007 5:29:10 PM
Author: EBree

Date: 1/16/2007 5:09:19 PM
Author: ellaila

I don''t think ''for better or worse'' applies to cheating. To me, ''for better or for worse'' is dealing with the ups and downs that life throws at you that you can''t control. Cheating is controllable - it is intentional. And it is definitely a dealbreaker for me.

I completely agree. Cheating definitely doesn''t fit into the ''for worse'' category, IMO.

see I totally disagree. How can cheating not be a worse?! It''s one of THE worst! there''s no *definition* of for better or worse in any sort of dictionary, it''s a personal thing...

i also agree that most people don''t know how they would really deal with it til it happens to them. kind of like someone''s stance on abortion.

and i don''t agree that cheating is always controllable. sometimes life is just flat out plain out of control. sometimes people are simply not themselves. i think that realizing that your mate is not perfect in general will take you a long way in life. just my thoughts. i don''t really take a hard line on much because i think there are too many variables where people flat out can''t know how they would react in a situation. or what they would do afterwards.

Ditto!!!!

 

[RoseAngel04]

While I agree with Mara in that ppl really don't know how they would handle this situation till it happens to them, I DO think that when a husband or wife cheats on his/her spouse they are breaking the vows they made to each other on their wedding day...in the "forsaking all others" portion of the vows.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 1/16/2007 5:34:11 PM
Author: Mara

Date: 1/16/2007 5:29:10 PM
Author: EBree

Date: 1/16/2007 5:09:19 PM
Author: ellaila

I don''t think ''for better or worse'' applies to cheating. To me, ''for better or for worse'' is dealing with the ups and downs that life throws at you that you can''t control. Cheating is controllable - it is intentional. And it is definitely a dealbreaker for me.

I completely agree. Cheating definitely doesn''t fit into the ''for worse'' category, IMO.

see I totally disagree. How can cheating not be a worse?! It''s one of THE worst! there''s no *definition* of for better or worse in any sort of dictionary, it''s a personal thing...

i also agree that most people don''t know how they would really deal with it til it happens to them. kind of like someone''s stance on abortion.

and i don''t agree that cheating is always controllable. sometimes life is just flat out plain out of control. sometimes people are simply not themselves. i think that realizing that your mate is not perfect in general will take you a long way in life. just my thoughts. i don''t really take a hard line on much because i think there are too many variables where people flat out can''t know how they would react in a situation. or what they would do afterwards.

Cheating is controllable. It is a conscious decision...and if you are not in a conscious place and you cheat, you chose to put yourself in a very precarious position.

This may sound very pessimistic and cynical, but I live my life as if I *could* cheat on my husband. Now, I really don''t THINK I could, but it''s those "uncontrollable" situations I worry about. So I am proactive and pre-emptive.

I do not go on business trips and party hard with a bunch of people because you never know what may happen...I do not get drunk when my husband is not around. I do not make any more male friends (I don''t need them anyway because TGuy is my best friend.) I especially never confide any marital discord to another guy. Intimacy can spark by the strangest things, and once it sparks, it can rage before you know it.

I can''t imagine ever cheating on TGuy, which is why I do some things thinking that I could.......strange is it sounds.

 

[Mara]

Date: 1/16/2007 5:45:37 PM
Author: RoseAngel04
While I agree with Mara in that ppl really don''t know how they would handle this situation till it happens to them, I DO think that when a husband or wife cheats on his/her spouse they are breaking the vows they made to each other on their wedding day...in the ''forsaking all others'' portion of the vows.

lol not if you didn''t have that part of ''forsaking all others'' in the vows!!!

i agree TG re: the whole not putting yourself into a position to cheat kinda thing...i guess i just kind of think that people err, they are stupid many times..and that ideally forgiveness is the way to go. ideally!

 

[E B]

Date: 1/16/2007 5:34:11 PM
Author: Mara

>see I totally disagree. How can cheating not be a worse?! It's one of THE worst! there's no *definition* of for better or worse in any sort of dictionary, it's a personal thing...


i also agree that most people don't know how they would really deal with it til it happens to them. kind of like someone's stance on abortion.


and i don't agree that cheating is always controllable. sometimes life is just flat out plain out of control. sometimes people are simply not themselves. i think that realizing that your mate is not perfect in general will take you a long way in life. just my thoughts. i don't really take a hard line on much because i think there are too many variables where people flat out can't know how they would react in a situation. or what they would do afterwards.

Of course cheating is awful, but I'm saying for me, it isn't in the "for worse" category implying that it's something bad that we could work through.

And I'm pretty confident I know how I'd react if I found that my fiance/husband cheated on me, because even the thought infuriates me. He and I have talked about it, and he knows my stance: I'd rather him come to me and tell me he's unhappy or leave me (worst case scenario) than cheat on me.

If he can't have enough respect for me to honor our marriage by being faithful to me, I won't have enough respect for him to forgive him and work towards fixing things.

And yes, cheating is absolutely controllable. The idea that men are biologically driven to cheat makes me laugh. Puh-lease.

 

[Mara]

here''s a question that is kind of interesting for me.

for those who say ''absolutely it''s a deal breaker, no gray lines''....are you married or engaged or just dating?

for those who say ''it depends on the scenario or it''s gray lines or i''m not sure etc'' ....same thing?

and do you have kids?

i honestly think that it''s easier to say ''it''s a deal breaker'' if you are not married to someone and don''t have kids. but i tend to see more people (in my daily life too) who have more ''shades of gray'' attitudes after getting married and being with that person for years and/or also having kids.

 

[decodelighted]

I know it''s different ... but I keep thinking of those ladies & gentlemen who find out 10-15 years & a couple kids into a relationship that their life partner is actually gay.

Is your whole life a lie? Did they go into it KNOWING they were gay/lying -- or did it just reveal itself over time? Have they *acted* on their desires ... or just *wanted* to?

Sometimes even THESE relationships stay together ... in the same house ... for the kids & because the *other* parts of the relationship are good (companionship/friendship/values/financial/goals etc) Whether they negotiate an open sexual relationship to allow each other to explore -- or -- decide to submerge their sexuality entirely for a period of years ... these things DO happen!

I''d bet ANYONE would say THAT''S a dealbreaker ... yet ... sometimes it''s just NOT.

 

[KristyDarling]

I agree, TG. Cheating is ALWAYS conscious choice. If you''re "not yourself" and you''ve cheated, then you must have put your "not self" into a tempting situation where cheating was likely to occur, i.e. drunk at a convention out of town with horny coworkers and colleagues. If you are legally sane, there is ALWAYS a choice whether to cheat or not. Even if you''re stone cold drunk I would think that you would have the wherewithal to realize that you''re doing something very, very wrong. If not, then you''re probably not actually conscious...you''re probably in an alcoholic coma!

 

[fire&ice]

The thought that cheating is not controllable is simply flawed. We all make choices. Choosing to break your vow is conscious act. Perhaps it''s a need - but with certainty - not a necessity. And, that cheater has to deal with the consequences that prevails. My husband knows that it is unacceptable. Nearly all things are in one''s control. We are held accountable for our actions. That is simply what is missing in our society. Everything is less and accept, someone else''s fault or just simply O.K. under the circumstances.

Who knows how one will really react. I may have told this story before. One of my best friends good friend seemed to be rather together. Her husband was having an affair for months. She found out when she tried to gain access to *their* funds. She found a major amount of money missing. Money that went to settle an alienation of affection lawsuit filed by the women''s husband he was having an affair with. She took him back. In looking at it, he was all she knew. The thought of leaving was unbearable. Their relationship is a bit different. And, she always seems to comment on appearances. I really don''t think *I* could EVER get over this. But, who knows?

 

[RoseAngel04]

Date: 1/16/2007 5:50:33 PM
Author: Mara

Date: 1/16/2007 5:45:37 PM
Author: RoseAngel04
While I agree with Mara in that ppl really don''t know how they would handle this situation till it happens to them, I DO think that when a husband or wife cheats on his/her spouse they are breaking the vows they made to each other on their wedding day...in the ''forsaking all others'' portion of the vows.

lol not if you didn''t have that part of ''forsaking all others'' in the vows!!!

i agree TG re: the whole not putting yourself into a position to cheat kinda thing...i guess i just kind of think that people err, they are stupid many times..and that ideally forgiveness is the way to go. ideally!

If a couple decides to not include "forsaking all others" in their vows then than that may be an indicator on their views on cheating within their marriage!!

ditto everyone who said cheating is controllable.

 

[KimberlyH]

I''m a shades of grey voter, the circumstances would play a large role in the decision I made to stay or go. I am newly married and tend to have more traditional ideas about the institution of marriage.

 

[Mara]

Date: 1/16/2007 6:00:12 PM
Author: RoseAngel04

Date: 1/16/2007 5:50:33 PM
Author: Mara

Date: 1/16/2007 5:45:37 PM
Author: RoseAngel04
While I agree with Mara in that ppl really don't know how they would handle this situation till it happens to them, I DO think that when a husband or wife cheats on his/her spouse they are breaking the vows they made to each other on their wedding day...in the 'forsaking all others' portion of the vows.

lol not if you didn't have that part of 'forsaking all others' in the vows!!!

i agree TG re: the whole not putting yourself into a position to cheat kinda thing...i guess i just kind of think that people err, they are stupid many times..and that ideally forgiveness is the way to go. ideally!

If a couple decides to not include 'forsaking all others' in their vows then than that may be an indicator on their views on cheating within their marriage!!

ditto everyone who said cheating is controllable.

i don't think that we had forsaking all others (can't recall) but it doesn't mean that we are more or less likely to cheat! please.

ditto whoever else said that they told their mate to tell them if they were unhappy enough to consider cheating. i would much rather that we had a heart to heart about what the whole thing was REALLY about, before anything ever got to that point.

 

[fire&ice]

I have been married for 20+ years & feel stronger about the dealbreaking NOW more than ever. There is so much history that would be kicked to the curb. We have worked together on many things &, like any marriage, for better for worse.

 

[IrishAngel7982]

I don't believe cheating counts as 'for worse.' 'For worse' means if you aren't happy in the relationship, you make your feelings known and you work at it. You don't go elsewhere, you certainly don't cheat. No, I'm not married and don't have children yet...that adds so much more stress to the situation in how you go about it, but I could never trust him ever again. I would absolutely be torn as to what to do when children were in the picture but until then, one slip and I'm gone. It is a CHOICE, and if he chose to go down that road and disrespect me and our marriage, I would choose to go the opposite direction.

 

[RoseAngel04]

Date: 1/16/2007 6:03:18 PM
Author: Mara

Date: 1/16/2007 6:00:12 PM
Author: RoseAngel04

Date: 1/16/2007 5:50:33 PM
Author: Mara

Date: 1/16/2007 5:45:37 PM
Author: RoseAngel04
While I agree with Mara in that ppl really don''t know how they would handle this situation till it happens to them, I DO think that when a husband or wife cheats on his/her spouse they are breaking the vows they made to each other on their wedding day...in the ''forsaking all others'' portion of the vows.

lol not if you didn''t have that part of ''forsaking all others'' in the vows!!!

i agree TG re: the whole not putting yourself into a position to cheat kinda thing...i guess i just kind of think that people err, they are stupid many times..and that ideally forgiveness is the way to go. ideally!

If a couple decides to not include ''forsaking all others'' in their vows then than that may be an indicator on their views on cheating within their marriage!!

ditto everyone who said cheating is controllable.

i don''t think that we had forsaking all others (can''t recall) but it doesn''t mean that we are more or less likely to cheat! please.

Not what I was saying at all...sorry if that''s the way you or any others took it. Just an observation of if a couple specifically asks for the forsaking all others portion to be taken out they may be more likely to forgive if the situation were to arise in their own marriage.

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 1/16/2007 5:55:48 PM
Author: KristyDarling
I agree, TG. Cheating is ALWAYS conscious choice. If you're 'not yourself' and you've cheated, then you must have put your 'not self' into a tempting situation where cheating was likely to occur, i.e. drunk at a convention out of town with horny coworkers and colleagues. If you are legally sane, there is ALWAYS a choice whether to cheat or not. Even if you're stone cold drunk I would think that you would have the wherewithal to realize that you're doing something very, very wrong. If not, then you're probably not actually conscious...you're probably in an alcoholic coma!

I have to disagree. I've been diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety issues... trust me, there are plenty of times when I 'wasn't myself' and I didn't put myself into that situation in anyway. I was in a car accident. A bad one, and that was the result. It affected every aspect of my life and trust me there were times I would considered doing things I would normally never do to either FEEL SOMETHING or to FEEL NOTHING that I absolutely would not do when I am well, 'me.' Things happen, that are the 'worse' of life... and those things make us act like something other than ourselves. I know people who have been laid off of very good, lucrative jobs (through no fault of their own), or lost money in the stock market (enron, 9/11) who were like totally different people after, than before. These are shades of grey.

ETA: These aren't excuses. All I am saying is that both chemically/physiologically, and psychologically people react in completely different ways to things. Sometimes something that has no real impact on one person... has a completely different impact on another.

 

[decodelighted]

Again ... this is a little off-topic but I thought it was interesting: as of this year 51% of women are living w/o a spouse. The first time in recorded history that the # has been so high.

The article mentioned women waiting ''til later in life to marry ... never marrying ... divorce ... single mothers ... women living longer than their spouses ... not being so eager to RE-marry ... and, I''d assume, less stigma about being single/gay/single parent.

Here''s one version of the artice

So - if there''s anyone who''s currently considering leaving ... at least you''re in the MAJORITY?

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 1/16/2007 5:53:13 PM
Author: Mara
here''s a question that is kind of interesting for me.

for those who say ''absolutely it''s a deal breaker, no gray lines''....are you married or engaged or just dating?

for those who say ''it depends on the scenario or it''s gray lines or i''m not sure etc'' ....same thing?

and do you have kids?

i honestly think that it''s easier to say ''it''s a deal breaker'' if you are not married to someone and don''t have kids. but i tend to see more people (in my daily life too) who have more ''shades of gray'' attitudes after getting married and being with that person for years and/or also having kids.

OK, I''ll play...

There is a shade of gray for me...a very dark dark charcoal grey and black. That''s about it. And that dark gray is only because I don''t know what I would really do.

Yes, married, no kids. I am not sure if kids would change anything for me. Kids are very much in tune to things when something is wrong, and growing up in a family where I could tell my mom and dad would be better off without each other, I am not sure I want to do that to my kids.

Yes, people can make all sorts of mistakes in a marriage. I think I could bounce back from most of them. I''m just being very honest when I say I don''t thnk I could bounce back from cheating. The emotional betrayal would rock my core and seriously damage the foundation of our relationship. The myriad of gut wrenching feelings I have just THINKING about it are not there when I think of other "mistakes"....like alcohol abuse, or gambling your savings away, or gosh...what else is bad...emotional neglect? I am not saying these things aren''t horrible, but I don''t feel that punch in the gut like I do with cheating. The only other thing that would make the hair on the back of my neck rise is domestic violence.

 

[KristyDarling]

Date: 1/16/2007 6:04:05 PM
Author: fire&ice
I have been married for 20+ years & feel stronger about the dealbreaking NOW more than ever. There is so much history that would be kicked to the curb. We have worked together on many things &, like any marriage, for better for worse.

That''s exactly how I think I''ll feel when I get to that point in my marriage 15 years from now. By then, we will have invested SOOO much heart, work, sweat, and tears into the relationship. If DH derails it all by cheating on me at that point, I think it would hurt even more then it would''ve earlier in the marriage. Kids or not, financial partnership or not.....after 20 years of being each other''s best friends I think I would be even less likely to tolerate infidelity at that point. Because if after 20 years of building a foundation he were only to knock it all down...what on earth would I have to look forward to? Nothing, only fear, pain, and mistrust.

That''s just me, though.

And how true that I have no idea how I''d respond if it really were to happen to me....I''m just guessing, but I think I know myself fairly well and.....I''m a very boring and predictable person!

 

[Mara]

hehe what about if you are a trophy wife?

http://www.abcnews.go.com/International/story?id=2798536&page=1