Young Ladies in Waiting

[sillyberry]

Date: 6/30/2010 10:00:28 AM
Author: lilyfoot

Hey, thanks for the super nice comment, RaiKai! That totally made my day

I am quite young, 21, and my husband is 24. I would actually have to agree with basically everything that you stated in your post, RaiKai. Most people as young as us aren''t truly ready to get married, and/or can''t comprehend what having a successful, long-term marriage will really take.


The second highlighted part definitely struck a cord with me - I literally cringe when I see young-LIW''s trying to ''defend'' their age. I do think that it is just solidifying the point about the level of maturity within ''young'' people.

I don''t have a dog in this fight (depending on the part of the country I''m verging on Old Maid territory), but the bolded is a pretty flattering statement. Why do you think you are more prepared and have greater comprehension of what marriage will take than other young people posting here? Or do you not think you are somehow wiser than your age group and just hope to weather the relationship storms we all face the best you can? I have read some of your posts but obviously don''t know much about you personally, so I am curious.

Anyway, there was a quote somewhere (I think it was in The Thorn Birds during a conversation between Meggie and Father Ralph after she gets her period, but I''m not 100% sure and my copy is 900 miles away so I can''t check) where the girl asks the older man if she is a woman yet. He thinks and says something like "I''ve known little girls who acted like old women and women of 60 twittering about like little girls, so I think you''re a woman when you feel like a woman."

For me, when to get married is a little like that.

 

[4ever]

I thought this thread was for young LIW to support each other?

Well that doesn’t seem to be happening.

No one needs to defend their age, maturity level, relationship or anything else.

Maybe the stats are against us and we are more likely to get divorced, so what? Should we just not get married because there is more of a chance that it won't work out? Should we all wait till our 25th birthdays because we have a slightly higher chance of "making it"? And just because a couple doesn’t get divorced doesn’t mean they are happy. Maybe people who marry after 25 are more likely to have kids and then not get a divorce "for the kids" whereas those who get married earlier wait longer to have kids so find it easier to get divorced because there are no kids involved. We don't know (unless someone wants to share a study which examines all the variables involved) so maybe it would be nice to stop using statistics as ammo against each other. I'm all up for a good discussion but I think some people are analysing people’s words and (probably unintentionally) making their discussions a bit of a personal attack.


It's only in the last few decades that getting married in your early 20's has even been considered young. In many countries it's still not considered a very young age to get married. Why is it considered so young in western countries now? What has changed? Is it just because there is more expected of us as women these days?

Anyone want to come up with some really good things about being ready to get married a bit younger than average?

 

[monarch64]

My co-worker is 19 and got married 6 months ago to her 23 year old husband. They seem very happy, and have been together for 5 years. She''s mature beyond her years, educated although not overly sophisticated or worldly, and I don''t see any reason why they shouldn''t have gotten married. I believe they are just happy living simply and it is working for them. I do find it odd that she''s never, ever spent a night alone, either without her parents home or her husband now, but that''s just me. She thinks I''m equally odd for loving my alone time and having lived on my own for a few year-long stints during my twenties, and last year for about 8 months. Whatever works for people, if they''re happy, I don''t care what age they are.

 

[Autumnovember]

Date: 6/30/2010 9:09:13 PM
Author: monarch64
My co-worker is 19 and got married 6 months ago to her 23 year old husband. They seem very happy, and have been together for 5 years. She''s mature beyond her years, educated although not overly sophisticated or worldly, and I don''t see any reason why they shouldn''t have gotten married. I believe they are just happy living simply and it is working for them. I do find it odd that she''s never, ever spent a night alone, either without her parents home or her husband now, but that''s just me. She thinks I''m equally odd for loving my alone time and having lived on my own for a few year-long stints during my twenties, and last year for about 8 months. Whatever works for people, if they''re happy, I don''t care what age they are.

Well said. I completely agree with that

 

[Autumnovember]

Date: 6/30/2010 1:33:19 PM
Author: kagordo4

Date: 6/28/2010 12:35:31 AM

Author:paris29

I noticed when I was doing my introduction and replying to other introductions that there were quite a few young ladies in waiting so I though I would start a thread for all the young ladies in waiting or even those young ladies who are engaged. From past experience I have had a lot of people say I am too young etc, so I thought that a type of support group would be good to have for all of us.


Just some background info on me: I am 21 and so is my FF. I am about to start grad school in the fall and FF has about 2 more years before he receives his BA. We have been together 4.5 years in July and hopefully will be getting engaged by the end of the summer.

paris29,

I''m sorry, I think this thread has become a run away train from what your originally intended, and I think it''s my fault for making a sarcastic post that was taken literally.

Please accept my apology and I would really like to help move this thread to less tense waters.


So... ideally when would you guys (and by guys I mean girls : P ) want to get married? Like Summer or Fall, etc?


It doesn''t really matter for me, Florida has two seasons: Hot and Hotter. : )

I would LOVE a fall wedding. Mid september or maybe early october. Theres just something about the fall that is so magical to me for some reason. I''m in my best mood during the fall

 

[Jessie702]

I would LOVE a fall wedding, or very very early Spring........

 

[4ever]

I can''t decide on a perfect season, I guess it depends on the location.

If it were in a garden, spring would be ideal....except BF gets bad hay fever

Summer here is Chirstmas time so venues are already really busy with Christmas and New Years partys and if it were outside I''d be worried about getting burnt.I would love to have a New Years eve cocktail party/wedding but I guess venues and likely to crank up prices for New Years eve and other vendors might be difficult to contact over the holidays?

Winter would be cool as long as it is all inside because you just can''t count on the weather in winter. However, it means any of BFs friends and rellies coming over from the UK are coming from nice summer sun to crappy winter rain- not much of a holiday and maybe not worth the trip unless they like to ski.

Perhaps early Fall is the way to go? Still not reliable weatherwise with alot of showers but good for an indoor wedding.

I guess it dosn''t really matter, I''m not interested in anything overly traditional and won''t be matching wedding colours to the season or anything so if I manage to find an awsome indoor cocktail party venue then I don''t really care.

 

[Jessie702]

Date: 7/1/2010 12:17:56 AM
Author: 4ever
I can''t decide on a perfect season, I guess it depends on the location.

If it were in a garden, spring would be ideal....except BF gets bad hay fever

Summer here is Chirstmas time so venues are already really busy with Christmas and New Years partys and if it were outside I''d be worried about getting burnt.I would love to have a New Years eve cocktail party/wedding but I guess venues and likely to crank up prices for New Years eve and other vendors might be difficult to contact over the holidays?

Winter would be cool as long as it is all inside because you just can''t count on the weather in winter. However, it means any of BFs friends and rellies coming over from the UK are coming from nice summer sun to crappy winter rain- not much of a holiday and maybe not worth the trip unless they like to ski.

Perhaps early Fall is the way to go? Still not reliable weatherwise with alot of showers but good for an indoor wedding.

I guess it dosn''t really matter, I''m not interested in anything overly traditional and won''t be matching wedding colours to the season or anything so if I manage to find an awsome indoor cocktail party venue then I don''t really care.

HaHa, im all about cocktail hours...lol

 

[4ever]

Date: 7/1/2010 2:13:16 AM
Author: Jessie702
HaHa, im all about cocktail hours...lol

Well if current plans/ideas work out, our whole wedding will be one big cocktail hour

BF is super happy about this.

 

[Jessie702]

Date: 7/1/2010 2:32:54 AM
Author: 4ever

Date: 7/1/2010 2:13:16 AM
Author: Jessie702
HaHa, im all about cocktail hours...lol

Well if current plans/ideas work out, our whole wedding will be one big cocktail hour

BF is super happy about this.

man, that sounds awesome....hmmmm, cocktails

 

[yssie]

I'm not a LIW but we're young(ish!), can I hang out too?


Just turned 24, we were engaged at 22, and we'll be married this September.


My childhood 'dream age' to be married by was 27, and kids at 27 (yeah, I somehow forgot about the whole 9months required plus trying time thing

).. I couldn't dream of waiting that long now.


Actually, I almost had two childhood visions. Though I dreamt of finding 'Mr. Right' - someone whom I trust completely, who makes me feel like the most amazing person in the world, with whom I am a better person - I somehow never thought it would actually happen to me, it seemed like too much of a fairytale. I figured my reality would be an arranged marriage like everyone else in my family - makes it their job to find Mr. Right, and they apparently often get it right! Though I very much doubt FI would have been on the list of prospective suitors

So, at this point we're
young
interracial (I'm Indian, he's caucasian)
interfaith (Hindu/Jewish)
from different cultures
from different financial backgrounds (he comes from old money, my parents' generation on my side have done well for themselves after growing up without)
... the odds really are stacked, apparently

I think more important than where one comes from is how one envision one's future. If both of our 'life-plans' match in idealogy, even if not in actual practise, it's easier to compromise and work to make it work, because we're both working toward the same goals.

 

[diamondbuggy]

Yssie, I''m also indian (hindu) and my BF caucasian (christian). I love that we come from different backgrounds because we learn so much from each other about things we would never have come across otherwise. I always joked when I was younger that I never wanted to be with an indian guy because they''re all mummy''s boys!

Haha!

 

[4ever]

Date: 7/1/2010 3:06:04 AM
Author: yssie
I''m not a LIW but we''re young(ish!), can I hang out too?


Just turned 24, we were engaged at 22, and we''ll be married this September.

*Pshhh* Young-ish? 24 is totally young! You can hang

 

[lilyfoot]

Date: 7/1/2010 3:06:04 AM
Author: yssie
I''m not a LIW but we''re young(ish!), can I hang out too?


Just turned 24, we were engaged at 22, and we''ll be married this September.


My childhood ''dream age'' to be married by was 27, and kids at 27 (yeah, I somehow forgot about the whole 9months required plus trying time thing

).. I couldn''t dream of waiting that long now.


Actually, I almost had two childhood visions. Though I dreamt of finding ''Mr. Right'' - someone whom I trust completely, who makes me feel like the most amazing person in the world, with whom I am a better person - I somehow never thought it would actually happen to me, it seemed like too much of a fairytale. I figured my reality would be an arranged marriage like everyone else in my family - makes it their job to find Mr. Right, and they apparently often get it right! Though I very much doubt FI would have been on the list of prospective suitors

I am so with you on that, yssie. I thought the man of my dreams would always be just that - a dream. Until I started dating my husband

Of course he''s not "perfect", but I''ll be damned if he''s not perfect for me. And I never in a million years thought I would be married at 21 - before dating my husband, I never even wanted to get married.

 

[yssie]

db - oh, another!

4ever - hehe

lilyfoot - it''s funny how things work out! In my I''ll-find-my-own-prince-charming daydreams he was always blond and blue eyed, and that''s exactly what I wound up with

 

[paris29]

My FF and I plan on getting married in the summer. I love summer where I live, but sometimes the weather is kind of funky and you never know what your getting until the day of, hopefully it will be next summer I can''t wait. We plan on getting married the same day we meet. I''m so excited and happy we moved our wedding date up a year.

My ff is Egyptian and I''m black I love that we are from different cultures. He speaks Arabic and my dad speaks french (his first language) unfortunately he never taught me I''m in the process of learning Arabic. But at least my FF and I''s kids will be able to speak three languages including English right of the back w/ my FF teaching them Arabic and my dad French.

For all those in interracial relationships were your parents supportive. My dad is from another country but both my parents were very supportive of my relationship with my FF. They feel like he is their son and he is treated as part of the family. However, my FF comes from a family were everyone has arranged marriages, so his parents were not thrilled when they meet me, which was extremely unfortunate because for the first year they barely spoke to me or even acknowledged me and were judging me without even knowing me. Now I really feel that they love me and consider me family but it was a long process. Anyone else have a similar experience.

It seems a lot of us our students. what is everyone''s major? Mine is Psychology. I want to open my own private practice.

 

[yssie]

Date: 7/1/2010 8:55:18 PM
Author: paris29
My FF and I plan on getting married in the summer. I love summer where I live, but sometimes the weather is kind of funky and you never know what your getting until the day of, hopefully it will be next summer I can''t wait. We plan on getting married the same day we meet. I''m so excited and happy we moved our wedding date up a year.

My ff is Egyptian and I''m black I love that we are from different cultures. He speaks Arabic and my dad speaks french (his first language) unfortunately he never taught me I''m in the process of learning Arabic. But at least my FF and I''s kids will be able to speak three languages including English right of the back w/ my FF teaching them Arabic and my dad French.

For all those in interracial relationships were your parents supportive. My dad is from another country but both my parents were very supportive of my relationship with my FF. They feel like he is their son and he is treated as part of the family. However, my FF comes from a family were everyone has arranged marriages, so his parents were not thrilled when they meet me, which was extremely unfortunate because for the first year they barely spoke to me or even acknowledged me and were judging me without even knowing me. Now I really feel that they love me and consider me family but it was a long process. Anyone else have a similar experience.

It seems a lot of us our students. what is everyone''s major? Mine is Psychology. I want to open my own private practice.

I''m very lucky.

My parents (no siblings) are very supportive - they love FI, and while they might have originally preferred I marry a Brahmin b/c that would''ve been easier in some respects, after meeting FI and seeing how happy he makes me they treat him like a second son

FI''s family (all Jewish) immediate and extended, doesn''t care at all. My FMIL told me that when her cousin was planning to marry a Catholic woman and had concerns about the family taking objection to this, her grandfather said "after everything they had been through, senselessly persecuted in the Holocaust for religion and race, why would they ever treat another person or group that way?"
That really struck me - what an amazingly enlightened, healthy way to move forward!

I imagine there are members of my extended family who would much rather I stay within caste and culture, and continue the tradition of the arranged marriage - much like your FI''s family, I suppose, but noone has said as such to me so I''m not going to bother worrying about it. I''m sorry you had to deal with open animosity, that''s such a hurtful, ultimately pointless reason to disapprove of someone

I''m very glad to hear that things are better for you now!

 

[Indylady]

My SO and I have quite a few inter''s between the two of us as well. Sadly, with the way our inter''s are, people from my background and people from his background rarely marry. Heck, they rarely trust each other, rarely become friends, and seriously, rarely do they ever marry.

Its been rocky to say the least.

But it drives me. So for that, I am very, very thankful. It gives me something to fight for and to live for, gives me sense of purpose, and makes me work so much harder. It breaks me down, but it makes me proud as well.

 

[paris29]

Yssie

That comment by your FMIL’s grandfather ( hope that’s right) is absolutely amazing. I read it and instantly I thought wow I wish everyone could have a similar point of view. I never really understood how people, who had been stereotyped, disrespected, beaten etc for their culture or ethnicity could then pass judgment on others.




Thank you I am really glad that things turned around. From the beginning I showed them respect and was so kind and nice to them and it was extremely hurtful and emotionally painful to have someone disapprove of me without even knowing me. I have to say I have become accustomed to people judging me based off if stereotypes, beliefs, etc but it was extremely difficult to see the parents of the man I love on a daily basis and know they didn’t approve of me. I quickly learned that while I wished his parents would come to like/love me and see me as family what was most important was my FF and I’s love for each other and our relationship. My advice would be to any other person experiencing a similar situation is to take a deep breath, give them some time and if they don’t come around remember you are not in a relationship with his/her parents you are in a relationship with your SO and at the end of the day that is all that matters.

 

[paris29]

"But it drives me. So for that, I am very, very thankful. It gives me something to fight for and to live for, gives me sense of purpose, and makes me work so much harder. It breaks me down, but it makes me proud as well."-Indy lady absolutely brilliant statement I agree that even though it can be hard to deal with, it can defiantly make your relationship stronger.

 

[diamondbuggy]

I''m very lucky. My family has accepted my BF 100%. They treat him like a son. Race really isn''t an issue for them. I suspect that some of my extended familly would have preferred I date an indian but no one has ever said anything to me or my parents. They''re probably gossiping behind my back though!

But they''re all nice to the BF so I don''t really care.

His family has mostly accepted me. Actually, it is only his one grandmother that has an issue. She doesn''t even greet me when I see her at family functions. She just pretends I don''t exist basically. It''s not nice and it hurts that someone can treat you like that based solely on your race. I''ve been with my BF for about 8.5 years now and it just gets worse everytime I see her. My BF''s parents defend her actions by saying she''s from that generation that grew up with apartheid and stuff and there''s nothing anyone can say or do to make her act differently. But I still feel it''s not a good enough excuse in my book. Lots of other people have grown to accept all races. It''s just not right to treat someone like that. Anyway, I''m just venting! Everyone else treats me like family so thats all that matters, right?

 

[kagordo4]

Re:

My FF and I plan on getting married in the summer. I love summer where I live, but sometimes the weather is kind of funky and you never know what your getting until the day of, hopefully it will be next summer I can''t wait. We plan on getting married the same day we meet. I''m so excited and happy we moved our wedding date up a year.

My ff is Egyptian and I''m black I love that we are from different cultures. He speaks Arabic and my dad speaks french (his first language) unfortunately he never taught me I''m in the process of learning Arabic. But at least my FF and I''s kids will be able to speak three languages including English right of the back w/ my FF teaching them Arabic and my dad French.

For all those in interracial relationships were your parents supportive. My dad is from another country but both my parents were very supportive of my relationship with my FF. They feel like he is their son and he is treated as part of the family. However, my FF comes from a family were everyone has arranged marriages, so his parents were not thrilled when they meet me, which was extremely unfortunate because for the first year they barely spoke to me or even acknowledged me and were judging me without even knowing me. Now I really feel that they love me and consider me family but it was a long process. Anyone else have a similar experience.

It seems a lot of us our students. what is everyone''s major? Mine is Psychology. I want to open my own private practice.

My post yesterday seems to have been lost in the transfer.

So long story short: I'm caucasian, and SO is hispanic. He is a first generation American, and his family is from the Dominicain Republic. His immediate family is great they love me as much as I love them. But his extended family hates our relationship, they try to push his cousins (one being 15, I think) on to him, a 24 year old man. They can't fathom why he might be interested in someone outside of their culture and ethnicity. Oh but they aren't biased to what type of Hispanic woman he would date. If I were Mexican (like his brother-in-law) or Columbian, or whatever they would be elated. I, however, am just about as pasty as they come. Since I don't speak Spanish they talk about me, while I'm in the room (once again not his immediate family, they stand up for me.) They also have some really mean nick name for me, it means something like white cow? I'm not a big girl so I don't get it. Whatever.

My mom is a hippy and loves Anthony dearly. But one of my mom's sisters is a nutter a makes all these grossly inappropriate race comments, like asking if Anthony's family have a house cleaning business. Yep. way to go Aunt Crazy.

Our children with Speak three languages too, Paris. I'm about 75% French, so I will teach my children French. SO will teach them Spanish. Hopefully me too. I would like to understand when my future family is insulting me : ) lol.

I'm a French, biology, and Research studies major with minors in music performance and bio physics ( yuck).

 

[kagordo4]

Re:

Anyone want to come up with some really good things about being ready to get married a bit younger than average?

More physical time with your husband : P

 

[Indylady]

Re:

My co-worker is 19 and got married 6 months ago to her 23 year old husband.  They seem very happy, and have been together for 5 years.  She''s mature beyond her years, educated although not overly sophisticated or worldly, and I don''t see any reason why they shouldn''t have gotten married.  I believe they are just happy living simply and it is working for them.  I do find it odd that she''s never, ever spent a night alone, either without her parents home or her husband now, but that''s just me.  She thinks I''m equally odd for loving my alone time and having lived on my own for a few year-long stints during my twenties, and last year for about 8 months.  Whatever works for people, if they''re happy, I don''t care what age they are.

I think that would be hard not to have ever spent a night alone. There's something really beautiful about being on your own. Once in a while, when my apartment would be quiet, I'd listen to 90's music, like Meet Virginia and She's So High, make a cup of coffee and take it outside and smoke a cigarette. There's just something romantic and empowering about having a nice night with just yourself.

 

[princesss]

Re: Re:

My co-worker is 19 and got married 6 months ago to her 23 year old husband.  They seem very happy, and have been together for 5 years.  She''s mature beyond her years, educated although not overly sophisticated or worldly, and I don''t see any reason why they shouldn''t have gotten married.  I believe they are just happy living simply and it is working for them.  I do find it odd that she''s never, ever spent a night alone, either without her parents home or her husband now, but that''s just me.  She thinks I''m equally odd for loving my alone time and having lived on my own for a few year-long stints during my twenties, and last year for about 8 months.  Whatever works for people, if they''re happy, I don''t care what age they are.

I think that would be hard not to have ever spent a night alone. There's something really beautiful about being on your own. Once in a while, when my apartment would be quiet, I'd listen to 90's music, like Meet Virginia and She's So High, make a cup of coffee and take it outside and smoke a cigarette. There's just something romantic and empowering about having a nice night with just yourself.

OMG. Now I want to go listen to those songs. Dangit.

 

[paris29]

Hey ladies, hope everyone had a good 4th of July. I was out with my mom today and decided to stop by Jared to look at e-rings and wedding band. i found my perfect setting and band. Anyone had experience with Jared?

How many of you ladies are involved in picking out your ring?

 

[4ever]

How many of you ladies are involved in picking out your ring?

I helped pick out mine, no way BF was going to have all that jewllery shopping fun without me!

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

When I was young I always thought of 27 as my perfect age to start being serious, I thought that was the age I would meet the right man get engaged and married.

When I was 15 I started dating a guy I had been hanging out with during lunch for most of the school year. We were friends and quickly became part of each others lives. He was a year older and when it was time to go to college he chose a local school so we could stay together. The next year I did the same. We always talked about our future and planned to be together. After we had been together just over three years, at ages 18 and 19, we made our commitment to each other and got engaged. No one was really shocked as they knew we were very serious but we got tons of negative reactions and comments from people. Even though we were engaged we both decided to wait until we had finished school to get married.

We chose our wedding date the day we got engaged, our anniversary but four years down the road. We got married on that date, I was 22 and he was 23. He had finished school and I was 1 year into my grad program. We had been together 7 years at that point. Now we have two wedding anniversaries and nine years together under our belt and we couldn't be happier!

We knew we wanted to be with each other and we're glad we didn't take the criticism we got from other people to heart. We knew that what we were doing was right for us.

Anyway, I just wanted to share a story of a couple that got engaged/married at a young age and are still happy that we did.

Good luck ladies!

 

[kagordo4]

I think that is a beautiful and touching story, Asscherhalo_lover

 

[paris29]

Asscherhalo_lover- Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. It is so great to hear from someone who married young and has a successful marriage. Do you have any advice for us LIW.

How many of you are planning to have a small or a big wedding. FF and I want to have a smaller wedding. About 20 or less. There is absolutely gorgeous venue near us. Hopefully it will be available for our wedding date. I can't believe we are getting married in a little over a year. I'm so excited. Anyone else starting planning.