Anxious to get the engagement ring

[MelissaSue]

Hey girls.. Just put some new ring pics up in my engaged thread. Thought you''d like to go see!

 

[njc]

But now that I know my ring is on the way (less than 2 weeks till E-day

) I just enjoy the delicious secret we''re keeping from all our friends and family. Like when anyone asks what we''ve been up to, we have to say ''Oh, nothing much'' but he''s been designing and modeling settings and I''ve been glued to pricescope

I''m with you on the secret part! Its killing me not to tell any one, but i know it will be more fun to wait. The only place its hard is with the parents. My mom tends to be pesimistic on the situation of me and the b/f living together. Shes always like, what are you going to do if you break up, where will you live, etc. And now we have come into a situation where we are going to buy a condo and shes doing it again. I dont know how you share the tax break w/o being married, what happens if you break up, etc. i just want to go, THE RING IS ON ITS WAY... IT HAS BEEN FOR THE LAST 6 MONTHS... CHILL OUT!!! We''re just doing things a little backwards by moving in and buying something before the ring and wedding. I just feel bad for b/f because to all my family and friends it seems like the buying a condo and my friends wedding the other weekend has been the final push, but in reality its been an ongoing theme to this year.

And thats why i love this thread and being able to vent and share to you ladies who share my frustrations!!!

So on a happy note, should we go ahead and cross Reena off the list or give her the pleasure when she posts pictures for us?!?! If you dont know, go check out her "my cushion at last thread"!

And dont forget to vote!

Lines around here in the DC area are crazy, but i think its everywhere really!

 

[LaurenThePartier]

Njc, I''m in the same position as you. We just moved in together at the beginning of last month, and my parents are driving me crazy with the "what-ifs" of life. What if you break up? What if . . . what if . . . what if?!? Now we''ve made plans to spend New Year''s Eve in Las Vegas (my home town) with my parents, and my Mother asked me last night if Weston might be planning a NYE proposal - and if he was, he''d have to be a ninja about it. A super-sneaky and broke ninja, but a ninja all the same.

I know nothing about whether an engagement ring is coming before 2005 - and I truly doubt it because our short-term financial goals are still looming in front of us, so I can''t give any news one way or the other. I told Weston that I wanted to be completely surprised about any proposal plans, so the only information I''ve given him is what shape center stone I''d like - the rest is entirely up to him. I''m hoping that it''s not too far off into next year. We just celebrated my 29th birthday, and never having been married before, I''m starting to feel that internal pressure that comes solely from hitting a milestone age. Poor guy. I suppose that''s what I get for being with a man 3 years my junior.

 

[yanekie25]

WAIT A MINUTE, STOP THE PRESSES!!!!!!!!!!!!! There are other secret engaged ladies here. I am one. I have been trying to hold it secret, and not even tell anyone, even internet strangers. The ring wasn't a big deal to BF, it was really for my benefit. He actually proposed on Oct. 24th over dinner. I cried like a baby, I couldn't believe it. I asked him twice if he was sure. We have cute pics and I looked a mess, but it was totally sweet and I will remember it always. It was totally a surprise and I loved it. I think he loved it, since he knew I would say yes without the ring. Silly man, didn't he know I just want to spend the rest of my life with him. So, he is looking for ring and I should be getting it shortly. He will then propose again, in some surprise fashion I guess. It's up to him. Till then, it's our little secret and the rest of pricescope.

We call each fiance in secret every morning. It's our silly way.
Okay, breathe. I feel so good to get that out. I suck at secrets and its been hell to not tell friends or family. How are you ladies, sciencegeek and njc doing it. It hasn't been that long, and I am about to crack.

Njc, my BF and I bought a house this past Feb. My mom nearly flipped, but we knew it was right. Property lasts forever, not even the best wedding can compete. He also had this thing on things he wanted to have ready when he got married, being able to provide for his wife and future family. It was really important to him, he never lived in a house that was owned growing up. I do feel you on the grief you are getting. Hang in there.

 

[jenwill]

OK- we had our 2 year ''first date-iversary'' on Sunday (Halloween). I wasn''t really expecting anything, as I have a feeling it will be Jan/Feb time frame, but it was still a little tough to not say- HURRY UP!

I will be moving in with him end of Jan, and our vacation to Hawaii is Feb, and he has said it will be before Hawaii. Probably will be when getting on plane- 2 seconds before Hawaii.

He was awfully sweet hough- we had 2 anniversaries. One on Saturday because it was a leap year this year, and he felt that saturday was really our 2 year mark, andt hen on Sunday to observe the ''Halloween as first date-iversary''- so sweet.

We both are totally in the ''zone'' of being ready for this, just waiting on the darn ring! And I told him I would be Ok without one and we could get it together so it would be less pressure...waaaaaah he''s drving me crazy.

I am in Barcelona right now, missing him. Sigh.

 

[njc]

I do want to crack!!!!

Its like everyone thinks i am headed no where, but really ive got it all planned out!

He hasnt said the "magic words", but we''ve picked out august or september 2005 for possible wedding days and i think we both feel like we are already married. Its been hard keeping those details and the fact that i will have a ring in a couple weeks a secret. Family, friends, co-workers, even the loan guy we are working with just say things that make me want to go, get off my back, its coming!

Like the loan guy had to pause after i explained that me and the b/f want to buy the condo together. Just because we arent engaged or married doesnt mean we are any less committed to each other. And my mother the other night... she was going on about how she thought i should buy the condo myself and rent it to the b/f so id have a place to live no matter what. I know she is just trying to watch out for me (im sure yours are too lauren), but im not blind and i know this relationship is moving forward and im not a child. Its not like we''ve only been dating a couple months and she barely knows him (not to offend anyone that has just started dating). Shes met his parents, they exchange x-mas presents. She spends money on him like hes another son. I came as close as i ever had of spilling the details just to get her to ease up a little. I said something like, "We wanted to be married before we bought something, and we thought we would have the time to do that and keep renting for another year and then look for something to buy. This opportunity just showed up and we both feel its a good move."

But that is cute your FIANCE! proposed even without the ring! I''d say yes right now too... i would have said yes without a ring 2 years ago! And that is nice he has a plan to provide for the two of you and kids some day! The b/f is kinda like that too. Part of the long wait on the ring was he wanted to pay off all his debt (which i agreed was important) and i moved in to help lower both of our rents and in turn free up more money to help him. Its a little a$$-backwards the way we are doing things, but they make sense to me. No one else seems to be catching on though... i guess they will soon enough right?

 

[sciencegeek]

My BF quasi-proposed back in June when we were on a trip to Kauai with his family. We had taken the day to drive around the island by ourselves and at sunset we went to a beach right on the edge of the Napali coast. We hiked as far out on the rocks as we could go so we were all alone watching the sun in the clouds and mist. Very romantic. I say quasi-proposed because his words were something to the effect of:

him: "Well, if I had a ring this would be the perfect time to propose."
me: "Does this mean I should start looking for a ring?"
him: "Yes. You can start on the internet if you want."

He knew I had been somewhat hesitant to get engaged (I''ll be the first of my friends) and felt awkward about going into jewelry stores, like I didn''t belong there or something

And then there was pricescope...

 

[yanekie25]

so, right NJC. You don't know how the loan officer, the lawyer, and the rest were like. You guys aren't married. I am like yes. I almost thought of wearing a fake ring just to get the pressure off. And it doesn't stop there, anytime someone comes to work on the house, they assume you are Mrs. XXX. It's actually quite funny. On the phone, it's like is your husband there. Are you Mrs.XXX. Society is so warped. My mom baggers me to no end. I finally just stopped talking to her about it. She just sits in silent judgement. The funny thing is? Once I tell her, she won't be overly excited as she would think, it should have happend over 3 years ago. Just remember that you know what you are doing and forget the rest. BF wasn't able to get the ring, until the bonus time and we cleared off some debt from the house. His proposal was because he really wanted too when he wanted to. It was so him, which is why I loved it. The ring and the other stuff, isn't him more mee and in conversations he realized I was open too one without the ring. Granted, we are keeping it a secret until he gets it. I guess I could be sleeping on the floor with my ring. I chose to get a bed, it doesn't mean a thing nor make anything less.

You may very well beat me to the finish line

sciencegeek. I do love pricescope. You ring is gorgeous BTW. I love the stone. Great choice

 

[njc]

Funny you mention the assuming we are married and saying Mr and Mrs XXXX. There is a grocery store we go to and on a regular basis they always read your name off the reciept and say thank you. Sometimes its Mr and Mrs his last name and sometimes it Mr and Mrs my last name (depending on who is paying). And at my company christmas party last year we had to have name tags or something (i cant remember!) and they gave him my last name. I am much less bothered by people assuming we are already married than them assuming why we ARENT married.

 

[sciencegeek]

We''ll be going the traditional route- we started wanting to buy a flat after paying exorbitant San Francisco rent for over a year. And we knew we wanted to get married, so might as well get engaged then start the whole real estate song and dance. I think essentially we''ve just been lazy about getting engaged because we''re in no rush. We''ve known for over 2 years that''s where we were headed, but I didn''t want to get married too young, and I''m perfectly happy with just living together for the near future. Luckily we haven''t had any parental pressure about marriage. My parents lived together for 7 years before getting married (mostly to prove my grandma wrong that there IS such a thing as commitment without marriage, but then decided to get married anyways when they wanted kids).

 

[sciencegeek]

NJC, that''s funny about him being Mr. Yourname at your Christmas party. My BF jokes that since I''m getting a PhD and not changing my name but he only has a masters we''ll be Dr. and Mrs. MyName (he''ll be Mrs. Kevin MyName)

 

[njc]

Date: 11/2/2004 3:42:52 PM
Author: sciencegeek
We'll be going the traditional route- we started wanting to buy a flat after paying exorbitant San Francisco rent for over a year. And we knew we wanted to get married, so might as well get engaged then start the whole real estate song and dance. I think essentially we've just been lazy about getting engaged because we're in no rush. We've known for over 2 years that's where we were headed, but I didn't want to get married too young, and I'm perfectly happy with just living together for the near future. Luckily we haven't had any parental pressure about marriage. My parents lived together for 7 years before getting married (mostly to prove my grandma wrong that there IS such a thing as commitment without marriage, but then decided to get married anyways when they wanted kids).

I was holding out for the more traditional plan, but then it just started to get further away, we both wanted to save up some money. We were both very comfortable in just knowing it was going to happen sometime too. I was deadset on not living together before marriage and then i realised we would both be throwing away $$$$ because one of us would always be with the other anyways. So I moved in and then after a while we both were just like, i guess we should just get it done and over with huh? So thats where we are now. Except the opportunity to buy an apartment has popped up before the "Official Big Q" so we are persuing that as well. My parents have been pretty good about the whole thing, except mom thinking our relationship is going to end tomorrow, but i know she is just looking out for me and not wishing ill upon us.

*edited to add: i love, "Dr. and Mrs. MyName (he'll be Mrs. Kevin MyName)" too funny!

 

[JCJD]

LOL!! That''s what we''ll be too! Dr. and Mrs. MyName (Should be Mr. and Dr. HisName)! Of course, I think I''ll legally take his name and hyphenate his to mine for professional purposes, so maybe it''ll be Mr. HisName and Dr. MyName-HisName..... Too complicated..... I''ll take the Dr. and Mrs!

Yanekie! I want a secret proposal!!!!! I told him he should just propose without a ring, or with a Snickers bar or something (Yay chocolate!!), but he''s stubborn about proposing with ring in hand. (stupid sweet and romantic boyfriend I have...

) The crazy boy actually WANTS to buy me a diamond!!! But his sweetness aside, I''d still rather be officially (even if it''s secretly) engaged already than wait for a ring...

We decided we''re not going to live together until we''re already engaged, so we don''t have that problem. Just jaw-dropping then left-hand gawking... Oh well...

 

[yanekie25]

Sciencegeek, I totally understand your point. The sad part is basically, most of my "ring fund" went to the house and stuff, but like njc, I knew it was coming and I felt no rush. But the outward pressure is so intense and then I got hooked on looking at weddings and rings. I was bursting at the seems. JCJD, I am sure it would be special. I realized every guy is different about these things. Some want to do it all and are really into the shopping and the picking, others want some input but ultimately want to do the traditional, and others my BF are totally out there and basically feel the whole thing is scam for the diamond industry. The other day he was like, if we are being traditional, shouldn''t your family give me a dowry for marrying you??

I am curious where the whole diamond ring came from. I don''t think its anywhere in the Bible. Something to think about, not that I need to give BF anymore ammo. I would have liked the whole surprise and traditional, but ultimately its not about me, but about what he wants to do, but I am happy getting two proposals. I just think that he must really love me to propose to me twice, right.

 

[njc]

Date: 11/3/2004 9:58:46 AM
Author: yanekie25
I am curious where the whole diamond ring came from.

Well, this was a fun little morning project. Seems there are a couple theories, but the earliest engagement ring may have come from the greeks and their betrothal rings. This site has a good bit of the info all in one place (except their De Beers date is wrong). There is mention of Fede rings and Claddagh rings. The first recorded diamond engagement ring was given in 1477 by Archduke Maximillian of Hamburg to Mary of Burgandy.

"By this date, engagement rings of various types were probably fairly common, while diamond engagement rings were not. The popularity of engagement rings in general, may be a result of Pope Innocent III's order (in the 12th century) that a wedding ring be included in the wedding ceremony. This is the same Pope who also decreed that weddings had to be held in a church."

This apparently started the trend for royalty and other wealthy people. The Victorian Era saw a lot of diamond engagement rings (check out Fay Cullen if you want to see some...LOVE that site!). In 1886 Tiffany & Co. introduced a six prong solitaire Victorian Diamond Engagement Ring.

But the real story of why most give diamonds now a days lies here...
In 1947 a maiden lady copywriter at N.W. Ayer working on De Beers ad campaigns, Frances Gerety, created the most durable advertising slogan in history: A diamond is forever. Within three years of creating the 'diamonds are forever' slogan, an estimated 80 percent of wedding engagements in America were consecrated with diamond rings. Gerety herself never wed, but she had wed a concept to diamonds. (Kinda sucks for her!)

And the American RadioWorks has a HUGE story on diamonds here. They even mention DirtCheapDiamonds towards the end of the article and how the internet has changed diamond shopping!

***My intention wasnt to hurt or offend anyone by finding this info. Yanekie just got me thinking, why do we give diamonds! Guess it just proves once again we can be controled by advertising and fashion trends! MOOOOO!

 

[yanekie25]

Thanks njc. Very interesting. I am reading up the links now. You think Ayer''s family gets royalties from that slogan. If they did, they would be very wealthy.

 

[njc]

The weekend is almost here! Any one feel this weekend might be it?!!?

 

[sciencegeek]

Not me

But now I do know exactly when it''s going to be, barring any further setbacks.

 

[njc]

Thats exciting! Hopefully not too far off????

 

[yanekie25]

I going to look at some cushions tonight and hopefully finalize the stone choice. The setting is still up in the air.

 

[sciencegeek]

It''ll be soon, I don''t want to say the actual day lest I jinx it

Of course I''ll post as soon as it''s in my hot little hands

 

[MelissaSue]

NJC -- It HAS to be your weekend!!!!!!!!!! It just has to be!

 

[JCJD]

I just hope it''s SOMEBODY''S weekend!! Come on boys!!! Get movin''!!!

(tick...tock.......tick...tock.....)

 

[njc]

Nah... i have at least another week if they stick to the four weeks from ordering plan they gave the b/f. And im not sure it will come in on time either. I seem to read on here a lot that it takes a little longer than they always say. Last night the b/f did say he was going to call and check today, but said if it was ready i wouldnt get it today.

I reminded him he couldnt tease me and there wasnt anywhere in our apartment to hide it! But im doing good. Knowing its getting made is comforting.

But we are going to go look at some townhouses this weekend, so that could be interesting. Maybe if we avoid the b/f & g/f words, we wont get too many strange stares! I have been wearing that little silver ring i posted a pic of to warm-up the finger and hopefully warding off some strange looks. Is it a wedding band or just a ring? I dont know....

I agree JCJD, someones gotta go!... BOYS GET A MOVIN!!!

 

[yanekie25]

I really do hope its someone''s weekend. I second. Boys get moving!!!!

I have some sad reports.

I have been officially removed from the ring shopping/picking process. After looking at stones last night, BF and I got into an argument (not even important what it was about), but it just proves I don''t have the emotional togetherness to handle this without going crazy and putting undue pressure and expectations for him. Not to mention, my emotions just run wild and I become this blabbering fool. So, he rightfully, decided it was best for me not to know anything anymore. It will happen when it happens. Now, I just hate not knowing, so I am going to be driving myself more crazy. Dang, I wish I didn''t care so much about the darn thing. If he would have done this 6 months ago, when I wasn''t even thinking about it. All would be well. I realize knowing that it is coming, so you are thinking about it nonstop is just thew worse.

Sorry, I had to vent to someone. I am feeling so frustrated.

 

[ChooChoo]

If it's not this weekend for me, I FIRMLY reserve the right to break something. Preferably something of his. I'm talking cologne bottles or something, not bones (yet

)

 

[ChooChoo]

Yanekie, I feel your pain! We''ve had this push and pull EVERY step of the way - before shopping, during shopping, stopped while the ring was being made, and have had it again for the last month since he''s been sitting on my beautiful ring and not giving it to me!

 

[tlmd]

Yankie - My BF and I came to the same decision last night! I was getting crazy ever since I picked out the setting and everything became more real. I through myself into diamond research and shopping and became the crazy girl again! He finally took all the print outs of the diamonds I was talking about and said he was taking care of it. He wants to surprise me and he can''t do it when I pick out everything. Plus I needed to relax! It''s hard for me to give up the control, but now I guess the proposal will be more fun and more of a surprise. I am now at his mercy. I''m not very good at that!

 

[yanekie25]

Choo, I don''t think I could know its there. I would absolutely go crazy. I say through something small first.

tlmd, that is funny. We or should I say him, came to it this morning. I guess I thought I could know about it, but deep down I don''t. I want it to come from him, and I hated feeling like I was making him get something because I like it. He needs to like it, and not just because I like it, but I do need to like it. Get it.

We ended up in a huge circular argument, where I basically said and unsaid the same thing. I realized I am not rational when it comes to this thing, too much emotions. Now, not knowing won''t help, nor being on this website all day every day. I feel like an addict going through withdrawal, but I know eventual I will just relax about it. I have to get a hobby in the mean time.

 

[njc]

Poor Choo Choo! I hope you dont have to resort to violence! I know i would feel the same way though!

Yanekie - Funny you say that you didnt want to make him get something just because you liked it. When i was looking at settings i kept asking b/f if he liked it and he would shrug his shoulders or say something like, its your ring. I would always reply it is mine, but you are giving it to me and you need to like it too! He eventually started giving a *little* input. I find knitting a fun hobby! You will adjust soon enough to knowing nothing... i have, not to say it was easy though. At least he has an idea of what you like and would want right? Has he bought you anything in the past? Did you like it?

For the most part im comfortable with him picking everything out. He has an excellent track record of jewelry purchases for me and he knows the settings i like. The only reason i wish i was involved would be to distribute the budget in a way to get the most bang for our buck and because i know he didnt educate himself very well. Sure i like the $1500 Tacori setting, but would love a simple $150 one just as well. And as far as the diamond, i am just worried that he is paying for weight you cant see. I tried several times to get him to look on here at the educational stuff and he just shrugged it off, i sent him a couple of sample ideals from superbcert and emphasized about how some stores sell 1 ct diamonds that have the measurements and looks of 0.8 cts. I asked him a couple days ago if he ever looked up *anything* and he said no. Im kinda shocked, he is the kind of guy that educates and compares EVERYTHING (TVs, video games, cars, etc) to get the best deal and product. So he was at the mercy of the hopefully knowledgable sales person... he just keeps telling me, "it really is a nice stone". And im sure it is... im just worried about its cut quality and the hole in his pocket.