Anyone here prefer NOT to have a

[Jennifer5973]

Date: 7/5/2005 11:03:04 PM
Author: moremoremore
LOL...it''s even worse when they are your nephews and god son. They expect me to gaga and googoo. And I''m like..nice kid. Now go away. ''Do you want to hold him?'' ''No thanks''

I think that having children is wonderful for those who want them. I''m sure I''d love my own. But I''m starting to get REALLY nervous. Is it OK if I don''t have any???

Yes, it is okay. You are forgiven.

But it is a scary choice. I wonder, I''m all into being ME and doing what I want to do now, but what if I regret it when I am 50? This "choice" must occur within a finite time period... Tick Tock, Tick Tock

.... But is THAT a reason to have a kid? It is because I have the utmost rerspect for what an important and serious job raising a child is that I shy away from it. I JUSt don''t FEEL it in my heart. I could be like a lot of women I know, and just have one becasue it''s the "thing to do" after the big wedding, big house, etc. But that''s now why I do things...to "keep up"...

And guess what? I HATE baby showers. I don''t go. To ANYONE''S (of course, my husband''s side of the family is ALL ABOUT having babies--it''s a mark of achievement...it''s all about who IS pregnant, who had a baby, who WANTS to have a baby or another...no one want to hear about my ad that just ran in FORTUNE or my latest promotion). I sit there, the ONLY one who doesn''t already have a kid(s), isnt having one presently, or doesn''t just WANT one more thas anything. I can''t particpate in ANY conversations with ANYBODY there...So, now, I just send an expensive gift to whomever and make up an excuse and don''t go. My MIL knows I am lying (most of these invites come from my husband''s family) but I don''t care. My tme is too valuable to sit there for 4-5 HOURS and listen to stories about breast pumps, nursing sores

and which onesy is best for Junior.

I wish I did "feel it"...my life would be so much easier.

PS I''ll share that I had a scare several months ago....a serious scare. I remember talking to my mom on my cell driving to work and crying hysterically...I felt like it was "there" and I hated it. I kow that sounds just awful, but that''s how I felt. It scared the sh*t out of me...I just did not want to be pregnant.

 

[MissAva]

Date: 7/6/2005 3:04:54 AM
Author: Dancing Fire
i''am really surprise there''re so many PS members that don''t have kids.who''s gonna inherit all those beautiful jewelry.

I''ll have it!

 

[Jennifer5973]

Date: 7/6/2005 3:04:54 AM
Author: Dancing Fire
i''am really surprise there''re so many PS members that don''t have kids.who''s gonna inherit all those beautiful jewelry.

Charity. We are starting our wills now as part of the CFP coming/total financial planning process and I am setting up an idependent trustee who will organize a charity auction to benefit 2 specific animal rescue charities I have a fondness for. While I certainly do not have the crown jewels in my possession, I do have high-quality, substantial pieces that will at least command fair retail value at a charity auction. People go to charity auctions to support their charities, not to look for eBay-type bargains, so a substantial amount could be raised, which makes me feel really good.

If things change in my life, I may amend this arrangement, but for now, that''s how it stands.

 

[jellybean]

Right now we are choosing not to have a dog/cat b/c of our two toddlers. Whenever we go to someone''s house that has a pet they are all over it b/c they love them so much. I''m afraid any pet we get would have it''s tail pulled off! Not that my kiddies are mean; they just don''t understand being gentle yet. If they want one when they are older, then we''ll make that decision then.

As far as the decision to have kids, that it totally personal and I completely respect anyone that does not want to have them. Yet, that regret may be there in years as I have seen it personally with family members and a couple of my husband''s friends who are in their 40''s and now trying to conceive.

Too many people take kids lightly. Trust me, they are 1,000% more work then we ever imagined. Granted, my two are ages 29 months and 16 months and very active. Yes, I usually have to chose b/c taking a shower doing chores. I have almost no free time to myself. All hobbies I had prior to having kids are gone for now. I find myself some days ready to lose it, and when that happens I find myself crying on the phone to my mom. But in the end, when my daughter gives me a hug and tells me that she loves me, it just makes it all worthwhile.

And, yes, we do want more...just maybe not today.

I have a girlfriend who had a baby in March and she is really having a tough time. She is the type that is obsessive-compulsive about planning things and gets bent out of shape when things don''t go her way or if a monkeywrench is thrown in her plans. She is also very much into herself (not criticizing, just a fact) and has a hard time with the amount of time a new baby takes. I had a long talk with her before she became pregnant about how much work it is. She came to my house a few times to see how it is. I wasn''t trying to talk her out of it - just giving her a reality check. Kids are a HUGE committment and I don''t think my girlfriend realized that. Granted, I didn''t realize how much work it was either but I wouldn''t change anything. Just maybe more time for a shower.

 

[fire&ice]

All creatures great and small.

We have 5 cats and two dogs. I love them all. And, I love kids too. I feel less complete without our pets. I am convinced had we not got our dog at an early age, we would probably have children. But, my furry four legged beasts are our children.

 

[Logan Sapphire]

Hmmm...I don''t want pets OR kids right now! How''s that? Technically, our condo building allows pets, and people do have small dogs and cats, but I wouldn''t feel right with the kind of larger dog that I want in our small apt. Plus pets are expensive and we are trying to get on our feet at the moment. Neither of our families live anywhere near us, so at holidays, we always have to fly and I wouldn''t take a dog/cat. When we buy a house (whenever that may be), we''ll probably get a dog, but we can''t agree on what breed! I think we''ll just go to a shelter, but we still have to argue about what kind- he likes smaller, I like bigger.

Also, I do like cats, but to be honest, I can''t deal with the whole litter box thing. They walk in their litter box and then jump all over your furniture, cabinets, counters, etc. with poopy paws. Can''t quite get over that, although they are cute as can be!

And Mine, I do understand what you mean about sometimes it seems that people are more concerned with animals than children. While it may be true here and there, Im not sure it''s true overall but that''s also good that people have their own fighting causes. Imagine if the only money raised was for children. There''d be no research or advocacy for older people and Alzheimer''s, AIDS, cancer, etc. Just because I donate to PETA or the Humane Society doesn''t mean I hope AIDS isn''t cured, and I''m sure vice versa. And people who abuse animals have a greater risk of also abusing kids- the two are correlated.

 

[hlmr]

I just wanted to add that I have a son and a dog and they are both my babies. I love them both very much and I know they love me too. I give them love, shelter, food & companionship but that''s where the similarities end.

My dog gives me love, companionship and lots of laughs!

He also puts up with my cranky moments without complaint and never gives me any attitude (well, almost never)! He is always happy to see me come home and his crazy antics always make me smile and feel happy.

A child is entirely different for me. My son is his own personality but everyday I hear my words and see my ways in him. He teaches me something new everyday and always amazes me with his knowledge. My heart breaks for his sorrows and sings for his happiness. I remind myself often that he will be with me for only a short time before he will be grown up and gone and I try to remember that when he and his friends are running through the house shooting each other and yelling at the tops of their lungs! Or when he puts his favourite song on replay for 100 times - I remember that I will ache for those days when he is gone and my house will be so neat and tidy. Of course, I will be doing other things in my life, fun things for me but I just know I will feel the nostalgia when eyeing my tidy house.

I love to see how his values are so similar to my husband''s and mine and I love that he is able to argue his points with us and know that sometimes he will be right! (That certainly was not the case when I grew up

) I love that I have been fortunate enought to contribute to tomorrow''s world with a young man who is as free of prejudice and hate as I and my husband were able to teach and model for him. Someone who is not scared to stand up for what he believes in and yet is cognizant of how his actions will effect others. I am in awe how when we can give the best of ourselves to our children, how they will in turn, do the same for the people in their life.

I was never a big fan of children growing up and they are certainly require a lot of time and energy and are not the choice for everyone. As mentioned earlier, it is to be respected when someone makes a decision for herself/himself not to have children.

I am so very proud to be able to experience being a mother and there is no doubt in my mind that it is the most important and rewarding job I will ever do in my life. There is nothing sweeter than sharing a hug and a quiet moment with your child and knowing that you are so paramount in his world and he in yours. I can honestly say I am a better person than I was before I had my son. I know too, that he will parent the way he was parented so that helps keep me on the straight and narrow when I am tempted to have a temper tantrum of my own!

Parenting is an awesome responsibility but it''s well worth the ride!

Heather

 

[sjz]

My cat doesn''t use the litterbox. She goes potty outside. Even in the winter. I guess I''m lucky. The dog is a different matter, we can''t just let her out and trust her to come back on her own like we do the cat...she has to be escorted...lol. Kids are potty trained

 

[Bikergirl]

Wow - what a neat thread!

I happen to love kids and dogs, although I''ve NEVER had the desire to have my own children. I''m 30 and am still the first choice in babysitter for many people - coworkers, friends of coworkers, even my own friends (who are starting to have children). When my friends need a date night, I''m always on their "A" list of sitters. Obviously that doesn''t work out so well when we''re having a social event with all of us.....

Having said that, I''ve seen WAY too many children who aren''t disciplined enough and who are just terrors. I know that having a child takes more time, energy, and money than I can wrap my puny little brain around, and I also know that I''m pretty selfish.

I know it sounds horrible, but I''m honestly just not willing/able to put forth the effort require to have the kind of child that I would enjoy being around. I think it''s awesome that we live in a place where we can actually make choices like this - there are plenty of medical advances that prevent you from having children, and also medical advances to help you have children.

I also think it''s incredible that people are starting to take their personal situations into consideration before having children, as opposed to having them because it''s the next logical step, or because "everyone" expects you to, or because you''re the only couple on your block without kids. My parents weren''t prepared for children (or for much of anything, for that matter) and I ended up in foster care. For all of you who are worried that you will one day regret your decision not to have children - I can give you first-hand experiences that no child should ever have to go through - all because someone *didn''t* think about things before bringing another life into the world. Now, don''t get me wrong, I''m glad they made some mistakes (I sort of like being here, after all), but unless you''re prepared to take responsibility for the life you created, I think you''re making the right choice by not having kids!

Anyway....now on to pets - I have two. One is a pom who is two, and is absolutely the light of my life! She''s so well behaved, and she was actually pretty easy to train. Her attention span is like 30 seconds, which frustrated DH to no end. However, being ADHD, it''s almost like I could relate to her.

Call me crazy, but we give her lots of play time to expend energy and run amok, but we also give her plenty of discipline. She knows the difference between play time and a "serious" situation. She''s not yappy like a lot of little dogs can be (we did have to break her of that), and is just the most fun!

Our other dog is much more laid back, and is sort of DH''s dog. She''s a jack russell who we rescued. We think she''s about four. She is also very well behaved, and is much more of a cuddle bug. Our pom will follow me around the house and "help" with chores, while the jack russell and DH snooze on the sofa.

She also likes play time and definitely has the energy to keep up with our pom. Who know what trouble they get into together while DH and I are at work all day!

They have a doggie door and are free to come in/out as they please. Everyone likes them (even people who aren''t "dog people") and everyone knows they will behave when told. I''m really glad we have them!

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 7/6/2005 10:15:26 AM
Author: jellybean

As far as the decision to have kids, that it totally personal and I completely respect anyone that does not want to have them. Yet, that regret may be there in years as I have seen it personally with family members and a couple of my husband''s friends who are in their 40''s and now trying to conceive.

that''s the worst thing that can happen to a couple.IF you gonna have kids have them early in life.i wish my daughters were a few yrs older than they''re now.when you''re in your 40''s,time to think about retirerment not changing diapers. JMO

as for pets....i have a amazon blue front parrot,who talks more than i do. i have japanese koi in the backyard.does fish count as pets?.

 

[bstraszheim]

On the subject of children and pregnancy, it took me a very, very long time to understand that the correct response (even in my head!) to someone saying "I''m pregnant!" is "congratulations", and not, "are you going to have an abortion/ give it up for adoption??" I realise how awful that is, I understand it, but that is how much I don''t want to have kids. I have never wanted children and I really don''t have any affinity for them. I have one nephew, who I love and we spoil, but when he is crying and unhappy, I can''t want to hand him back. Fortunately we have not had pressure from too many people about having kids. My mother was the hardest one to get off our back and I told her flat out one day that we are not planning kids, we are not planning to someday have kids, we are planning to *never* have kids. She still checks in with me to make sure that is still the plan : ) Aah, an Italian mother! I think it was here on PS that I read someone''s retort to being pregnant/ having kids - "I didn''t know you were so interested in our sex lives!"

Now pets on the other hand : ) We have 3 cats, 6 ferrets, 2 hedgehogs and our darling skunk. We take care of our animals and its a lot of work, but that is our choice. I don''t think we will have as many pets in future years, probably no more cats, but we will always have ferrets and skunks! I am not too much of a dog person, and I can''t stand being licked by dogs - If I wanted to be that close, I would walk up and lick them! But I can definitely understand the love for pets.

I wish everyone, and their pets and kids well,

Bridget

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 7/6/2005 10:15:26 AM
Author: jellybean
Right now we are choosing not to have a dog/cat b/c of our two toddlers. Whenever we go to someone''s house that has a pet they are all over it b/c they love them so much. I''m afraid any pet we get would have it''s tail pulled off! Not that my kiddies are mean; they just don''t understand being gentle yet. If they want one when they are older, then we''ll make that decision then.

JB - we have a cat and she''s held up surprisingly well to my two little boys. . .she''s NOT declawed and only has had to fight back a few times before both boys learned their lessons

lol!

 

[fire&ice]

BTW, we are 45 & 46. We have NO regrets about NOT having children. Thinking you may regret it later is not a reason to start a family. It's a question one must ask themselves; but, not a reason. Because you don't know. You may regret HAVING them. I've seen this as well.

 

[Mara]

It's still so amazing to me how much things have changed from my parents' generation...aka you just would get married and have kids and work to support your families...it's what you do! Now there are so many 'choices' people have.

My parents make jokes about how they will just have dog grandchildren....and Greg's parents are already asking us when the blessed event will happen. But wait...we have a kid, she's got 4 legs and she's hairy!

It's such a tough decision....I think I have mentioned this before but it seems like the fact that there is an actual DECISION to be made nowadays is such a change from the old days. People didn't decide whether or not to have kids, they just did! Many of our friends have ended up with kids due to 'seeing what happens' and letting 'fate' take you....because they couldn't consciously make the decision to have them. Everyone that has done this has felt blessed and been wonderful at parenting.

Chances are we will have a child or two at some point, but we just are not remotely near ready yet!!! Though I think Greg may be a bit more 'ready' than I am..he coos over cute little girls and/or babies where I am more interested in being 'auntie mara' who gives lots of presents and short visits a few times a year ..... though we do have a couple friend who has a cute little boy who is very well-behaved that I told Greg we could babysit for...they have no family closeby really so they could use some time away at times.

I have seen what kind of 'parents' we are with Portia and most of it is very good, there are some things I would need to work on like patience...but I figure I have plenty of time if we even decide to go there. I am only 30! Greg is 37 this year so he may be feeling the 'bite' a bit more than I am...but I am in no rush. EXCEPT that I do believe what DF noted, that it's better to have them younger so that you can enjoy more of your golden years later rather than be raising a child. This generation we are in now is all hodge-podge, some have kids and want more, some don't want them and don't have them, some aren't sure...some had them when they were in their 20's, some are having them in their late 30's. There's no 'normal' 2 kids and a dog families anymore. I personally like it because it shows how 'far' we have come in terms of accepting things that are different....but sometimes I think it would be EASIER if we didn't have a decision to make...if it was just required.

Then yes there are those times when I just want more dogs and to be done.

I do think about the times when we are older, aka it's all fun and games now with us two together having a blast, but what if one of us were to die younger than expected and the other is left alone.... and/or what about when we are older and we have no kids or grandkids to fill our days or to shower love on? Will we feel sad that we didn't start a real family? Or will things just go on as they do now...so hard to tell.

 

[ursulawrite]

Date: 7/6/2005 9:25:50 AM
Author: Jennifer5973

Date: 7/5/2005 11:03:04 PM
Author: moremoremore
LOL...it''s even worse when they are your nephews and god son. They expect me to gaga and googoo. And I''m like..nice kid. Now go away. ''Do you want to hold him?'' ''No thanks''

I think that having children is wonderful for those who want them. I''m sure I''d love my own. But I''m starting to get REALLY nervous. Is it OK if I don''t have any???

Yes, it is okay. You are forgiven.

But it is a scary choice. I wonder, I''m all into being ME and doing what I want to do now, but what if I regret it when I am 50? This ''choice'' must occur within a finite time period... Tick Tock, Tick Tock

.... But is THAT a reason to have a kid? It is because I have the utmost rerspect for what an important and serious job raising a child is that I shy away from it. I JUSt don''t FEEL it in my heart. I could be like a lot of women I know, and just have one becasue it''s the ''thing to do'' after the big wedding, big house, etc. But that''s now why I do things...to ''keep up''...

And guess what? I HATE baby showers. I don''t go. To ANYONE''S (of course, my husband''s side of the family is ALL ABOUT having babies--it''s a mark of achievement...it''s all about who IS pregnant, who had a baby, who WANTS to have a baby or another...no one want to hear about my ad that just ran in FORTUNE or my latest promotion). I sit there, the ONLY one who doesn''t already have a kid(s), isnt having one presently, or doesn''t just WANT one more thas anything. I can''t particpate in ANY conversations with ANYBODY there...So, now, I just send an expensive gift to whomever and make up an excuse and don''t go. My MIL knows I am lying (most of these invites come from my husband''s family) but I don''t care. My tme is too valuable to sit there for 4-5 HOURS and listen to stories about breast pumps, nursing sores

and which onesy is best for Junior.

I wish I did ''feel it''...my life would be so much easier.

PS I''ll share that I had a scare several months ago....a serious scare. I remember talking to my mom on my cell driving to work and crying hysterically...I felt like it was ''there'' and I hated it. I kow that sounds just awful, but that''s how I felt. It scared the sh*t out of me...I just did not want to be pregnant.

Gee whizz, it''s nice to know that there are other women out there who feel the same thing.

 

[Bikergirl]

Date: 7/6/2005 4:08:49 PM
Author: ursulawrite

Date: 7/6/2005 9:25:50 AM
Author: Jennifer5973

Date: 7/5/2005 11:03:04 PM
Author: moremoremore
LOL...it''s even worse when they are your nephews and god son. They expect me to gaga and googoo. And I''m like..nice kid. Now go away. ''Do you want to hold him?'' ''No thanks''

I think that having children is wonderful for those who want them. I''m sure I''d love my own. But I''m starting to get REALLY nervous. Is it OK if I don''t have any???

Yes, it is okay. You are forgiven.

But it is a scary choice. I wonder, I''m all into being ME and doing what I want to do now, but what if I regret it when I am 50? This ''choice'' must occur within a finite time period... Tick Tock, Tick Tock

.... But is THAT a reason to have a kid? It is because I have the utmost rerspect for what an important and serious job raising a child is that I shy away from it. I JUSt don''t FEEL it in my heart. I could be like a lot of women I know, and just have one becasue it''s the ''thing to do'' after the big wedding, big house, etc. But that''s now why I do things...to ''keep up''...

And guess what? I HATE baby showers. I don''t go. To ANYONE''S (of course, my husband''s side of the family is ALL ABOUT having babies--it''s a mark of achievement...it''s all about who IS pregnant, who had a baby, who WANTS to have a baby or another...no one want to hear about my ad that just ran in FORTUNE or my latest promotion). I sit there, the ONLY one who doesn''t already have a kid(s), isnt having one presently, or doesn''t just WANT one more thas anything. I can''t particpate in ANY conversations with ANYBODY there...So, now, I just send an expensive gift to whomever and make up an excuse and don''t go. My MIL knows I am lying (most of these invites come from my husband''s family) but I don''t care. My tme is too valuable to sit there for 4-5 HOURS and listen to stories about breast pumps, nursing sores

and which onesy is best for Junior.

I wish I did ''feel it''...my life would be so much easier.

PS I''ll share that I had a scare several months ago....a serious scare. I remember talking to my mom on my cell driving to work and crying hysterically...I felt like it was ''there'' and I hated it. I kow that sounds just awful, but that''s how I felt. It scared the sh*t out of me...I just did not want to be pregnant.

Gee whizz, it''s nice to know that there are other women out there who feel the same thing.

Yes, I sometimes feel like I''m in the vast minority, as well.

But I have specific reasons for not wanting kids of my own, and I really don''t see those reasons changing as I get older. Sometimes I think people want me to justify my decision - like it will directly affect them one way or the other, right?

I have had the concerns about getting older, my life changing, what if DH is gone long before me (I''m one of the couples with a significant age difference - he''s 16 years older). But then I think of how incredibly full my life is right now.....why on earth would I expect that to change just because I''m 40 instead of 30? Or 60 instead of 40? What, I can''t have a social life after a certain age? I''ll suddenly become an invalid and require care 24-7? Well guess what - even if that''s the case, I''ve made accomodations! DH and I both have disability policies that have long-term/hospice care coverage, as well. My life is certainly not empty because I don''t have children, and I really don''t see any reason for that to change.

 

[heart prongs]

Wow...this is interesting and timely for me. My husband and I are both 37...will have been married a year this August, and we''re going on the "baby-making vacation" to Captiva Island to celebrate our first anniversary next month. By the way, we have a dog, a 110 lb. Akita named Bailey....I like him better than I like most people.

Why am I sooooo terrified???????????????????????????????????????????????

We are both on the same page with this one. We like kids who belong to us -- like our 7 nieces and nephews, and we feel as though we''ll be good parents...I guess I just wish that I was younger (he can clearly make babies forever -- I probably have like 2 fertile eggs left!)...because we''re just now able to really enjoy our lives together. My husband got a great new job 8 months ago and before that he was in school -- so naturally, we struggled a bit financially. Now that we''re able to do all the things we want to do (and we really do like nice things) we have to start thinking about a family! I just wish I were 30...you''re lucky Mara!

I see so many of my close friends having all sorts of fertility issues and it makes me very concerned -- and we haven''t even tried yet! My husband (who is a DNA scientist, mind you!) thinks for some reason that it''ll happen right away -- has he seen my birth certificate with the year 1967 on it??!!).

It''s just so much to think about! And it really freaks me out...I''ve just never had that overwhelming need to have babies! But, in my mind, I''ve always pictured us with with children...does that make any sense?! It''s going to be such a huge life change. It''s going to be very strange, and I admit that this sounds selfish, when our lives are no longer about just the two of us!

This kid we plan to create best be very, very cute and be very well-behaved!!!

klr

 

[MissAva]

It is heartbreaking to me when I see couples who cannto concieve. They say now that if you are unsure to get your eggs forswn at 27 since that is the age when there is the first increase with birth defects, also even though it is not as dramatic sperm does have an increased risk past a certain age but it is much later in life. If I have children I will have them by 30 or not at all. I dont know that I could handle having a special needs child. I work with them and they are the good side of man but I just dont think I could do it. Also if I were to have children I would want to be able to have a hope of enjoying my grandkids and being the fun Nana on the block. Thats just me though.

 

[jaysonsmom]

I''ve had 2 dogs, 2 cats, and now 2 kids. I had the cats and dogs before I was married because I am an animal lover, but now I''m with my husband who is extremely allergic to cat and dog fur (so he claims), we only have the 2 furless human kids, and I''m VERY happy with my furless babies, they fill my "pet" void becauase I can bathe them, feed them, groom them, and exercise them! The best part is that they can come with me on vacations, and can sit with me in the passenger compartment of the plane

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 7/6/2005 3:37:09 PM
Author: Mara


Then yes there are those times when I just want more dogs and to be done.

I do think about the times when we are older, aka it''s all fun and games now with us two together having a blast, but what if one of us were to die younger than expected and the other is left alone.... and/or what about when we are older and we have no kids or grandkids to fill our days or to shower love on? Will we feel sad that we didn''t start a real family? Or will things just go on as they do now...so hard to tell.

yep,by that time it''s too late.can''t turn back the clock.i never regret having two kids.sure, it would of been fun hanging out with friends or go any where any time we want, instead of stay home changing diapers.

 

[DiamondLover23]

It is nice to hear from other women who are sure they don''t want any kids.
I feel so abnormal around my friends and coworkers!

I am 26 so I hear "you''ll change your mind" all the time. I am so sick of hearing that!
But I have always felt this way, my fiance doesn''t want kids, and I truly don''t belive we will have any.

I too helped with my younger siblings and therefore see how much work is involved....and I just don''t want tantrums, etc. part of my adult life. And forget bad behavior as being the reason: I don''t even like spending time with well-behaved children!
I know that sounds harsh but I have nothing against other people having them.

My dogs are my babies!

 

[sjz]

I swore I wasn't going to put in my two cents, but I can't help myself...

I've read a lot of posts where people compare their pets to children. I have both pets and kids. I love my pets and I love my kids. But it is NOT the same. I don't think that anyone should think that they can substitue the love you give and receive from a pet for the kind of bonds you would have with children. I'm not saying that anyone who doesn't truly want kids should have them. Not at all. I don't think less of anyone who makes the choice not to have children. And I sure don't think less of someone who doesn't want pets. But the kind of love you have for a pet is not even close to how you love a child. It's all love, but it's very different IMO.

As far as not feeling anything for other people's children, and assuming that because you aren't a "kid lover" you shouldn't have kids of your own...don't assume that at all! I was very young when I had my first, and it wasn't under the ideal circumstances (bad marriage, unplanned pregnancy). I was very conflicted when I found out that I was going to have a child. I wasn't sure that I was ready, hadn't even thought about having kids, wasn't really even positive I LIKED kids, etc..but ending the pregnancy was never an option for me. I can tell you, the first time I felt that baby move inside of me, I was totally in love! And I can't even begin to describe the surge of love I felt when they placed that baby in my arms for the first time! Nothing could compare, except the second and third time they placed a child in my arms for the first time.

Now, I had experienced the love of a pet many times before that, and I know well that melting feeling you can have in your heart when you look into the big brown eyes of a dog, or feel the soft purring furball of a kitty in your lap. I've lost my heart to a fair share of furkids in my life, but it still didn't compare to the way I feel about my kids. I also know the sadness and loss you can feel when you loose a pet or have to have it put down. But I know that my life would be completely over as I know it if I were to loose one of my children. I know because it's happened.

I've probably ticked a few people off by now, so I'll shut up. I probably should have stuck to my original thoughts and not posted my feelings, but I felt like I needed to say it after reading some of the other posts. Hope I didn't make anyone too mad.

 

[Kaleigh]

I already added to this thread, but after spending my vacation with my SIL and her newly adopted baby, I thought I would recap some thoughts. Carrie really never thought she wanted kids. She had mine to play with and her sister has 2, so she was happy to play Auntie. Fast forward like 8 years and she changed her mind. Getting pregnant was almost impossible for them and they tried in-vitro, but nothing worked. They lucked out with a great adoption agency and adopted a baby that was born to 2 college students that weren''t ready to become parents. They werer chosen by the couple and were there for the birth. He is just the most precious baby and I am so glad they got to become parents. We never thought it would happen, but are so glad things worked out. Just thought I''d share this story.

 

[nancy26]

We have one kitten named Chloe she is a cute little tabby cat that gets into everyting. Right now I am trying to get her to use our one year old Boxer''s doggie doors but she is still a little small to go through them. Our Boxer is named Belle and she is the cutest fawn and white girl ever. We do not have children and I dont really ever want any. Our pets love us unconditionally, they never disappoint us, and we dont have to put them through college. All of our friends have children and the more I am around them the more I realize they are not for me. Bottom line I LOVE our pets and would not trade them for anything in the world.

 

[AGBF]

Date: 7/6/2005 4:30:48 PM
Author: Matatora
It is heartbreaking to me when I see couples who cannto concieve.

I was heartbroken when we were trying to conceive and, each month, I realized we had not. I had wanted a baby with blue eyes (like yours). My husband has blue eyes and so does my mother. Mine are hazel/green, but I knew we had a good shot at having a blue-eyed baby.

When we couldn't conceive I decided I wanted to adopt a beautiful Korean baby like the ones I had seen other couples adopt. When I called some agencies, however, I found that Korea was "closed" as a source of adoption. I was told we could adopt from Latin America.

I was skeptical about a baby from Latin America. I had seen Korean babies. A South American baby? So I attended some socials wihout (and later with) my husband (who was very unenthusiastic about adopting!).

I fell in love with the beautiful Indian girls from Bolivia with the round faces, huge eyes, and the straight black hair! I felt they were the most beautiful children I had ever seen! I wanted an Indian baby!

So we put in all our paperwork and when the call came, I flew to Colombia alone. (My husband was in Italy and would have to join me from there.)

I went to the home of Ximena Lleras Puga, daughter of a former President of Colombia...sans husband...rather than to the orphanage. My daughter's foster mother put my daughter into my arms. I couldn't believe how beautiful she was! By far the most beautiful baby on earth. Fair skin. Straight brown hair. Blue eyes. Seven weeks old and perfect.

I thanked God then, and I have ever since, that we were unable to conceive .

Deb, who went on to adopt her yellow Lab when he was two. I came to realize that no creatures enter our family except through adoption .

 

[sjz]

Date: 7/6/2005 11:18:43 PM
Author: AGBF

Date: 7/6/2005 4:30:48 PM
Author: Matatora
It is heartbreaking to me when I see couples who cannto concieve.

I was heartbroken when we were trying to conceive and, each month, I realized we had not. I had wanted a baby with blue eyes (like yours). My husband has blue eyes and so does my mother. Mine are hazel/green, but I knew we had a good shot at having a blue-eyed baby.

When we couldn''t conceive I decided I wanted to adopt a beautiful Korean baby like the ones I had seen other couples adopt. When I called some agencies, however, I found that Korea was ''closed'' as a source of adoption. I was told we could adopt from Latin America.

I was skeptical about a baby from Latin America. I had seen Korean babies. A South American baby? So I attended some socials wihout (and later with) my husband (who was very unenthusiastic about adopting!).

I fell in love with the beautiful Indian girls from Bolivia with the round faces, huge eyes, and the straight black hair! I felt they were the most beautiful children I had ever seen! I wanted an Indian baby!

So we put in all our paperwork and when the call came, I flew to Colombia alone. (My husband was in Italy and would have to join me from there.)

I went to the home of Ximena Lleras Puga, daughter of a former President of Colombia...sans husband...and her foster mother put my daughter into my arms. i couldn''t believe how beautiful she was! By far the most beautiful baby on earth. Fair skin. Straight brown hair. Blue eyes. seven weeks old and perfect.

I thanked God then, and I have ever since, that we were unable to conceive .

Deb, who went on to adopt her yellow Lab when he was two. I came to realize that no creatures enter our family except through adoption .

That is a beautiful story! It brought tears to my eyes.

 

[MissAva]

I am so glad that you were able to find a healthy baby girl, she is blessed to have you.

 

[AGBF]

I''m not sure how this will come out. It is from a xeroed copy of a photo! I am not sure how old my daughter was in this photo, but definitely school age.

 

[Mara]

Date: 7/6/2005 11:03:11 PM
Author: sjz

I''ve read a lot of posts where people compare their pets to children. I have both pets and kids. I love my pets and I love my kids. But it is NOT the same. I don''t think that anyone should think that they can substitue the love you give and receive from a pet for the kind of bonds you would have with children. I''m not saying that anyone who doesn''t truly want kids should have them. Not at all. I don''t think less of anyone who makes the choice not to have children. And I sure don''t think less of someone who doesn''t want pets. But the kind of love you have for a pet is not even close to how you love a child. It''s all love, but it''s very different IMO.

I was waiting for someone with kids to say this...

I don''t know that anyone is comparing the love from or of a pet to one of an actual child...nor is anyone ''substituting''...some people just don''t want kids and others are not sure. But they are sure they adore their pets....

 

[MissAva]

AGBF- oh she is such a little lady and looks so cute in her outfit.