Anyone''s FI not into wedding planning?

[Tacori E-ring]

Am I the only one whose groom wants to "just show up"???

 

[curlygirl]

I almost wish my FI was that way! He wants to be involved in everything--well, almost everything. The only stuff he''s staying out of are the flowers and my dress. Other than that, he claims he wants to be a part of all the decisions we make. So I gave him a few small tasks to do on his own, like booking the dj, and it took him nearly 2 months to get it done! I NAGGED him every day and insisted that I would handle it myself, but he refused to give it up! He just does things in his own time. Unfortunately, our wedding is in 5 1/2 months and I''m already in a panic so I can''t afford to let him do things when he wants to. The next project that he has decided to supervise is the invitations, programs, thank you cards, menu cards--basically everything that has to be printed. He has a hang up about fonts and types of paper so he feels that he MUST be in charge of that. I''ve already started burning the fire under him about that stuff! I appreciate the fact that he wants to do things, but I just wish he was as uptight about it all as I am!!!

 

[njc]

NOPE!!! My FI was a "just show up" groom... i wanted to kill him.

I was fine with it for the most part. He was trustworthy of my decision and just didnt care enough to provide input most of the time.

Getting him to do the few things he needed to do on his own (pick tux, ask people to be GMs, etc.) was like pulling teeth though. From the get go i asked that he plan the honeymoon (because i thought he would actullay ENJOY planning that) and it took him forever. 3/4 of all my wedding stress was from him not getting his stuff done in a timely manner. Boy soon vs. Girl soon strikes again!

I asked him with about 4 weeks left if he had taken off the Friday before and he wanted to know why on earth did he need to do that... all he had to do was show up for the rehersal that night!

 

[glaucomflecken]

100% of my wedding stress probably comes from FI not helping! LOL

FI moved to Washington DC in May and I live in Ohio. We had our wedding planned but he took a job there and I stayed here until after the wedding so I have to do everything by myself. I dont have any family here either. Not that he helped at all when he was here. "Whatever you want sweetheart" and then when I do choose something its "No I dont like that!"

GRR! I''m kind of control freak about things so I''m ok with handling most of the logistics. What frustrates me is that the things I DO give him to do, like you girls have said, he procrastinates until I get so fed up I end up doing them myself. I think he does it on purpose. I guess men''s brains are not wired for weddings!

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Honestly I think he thinks he was done when he put the ring on my finger. At first I was disappointed BUT then I did think about how different our tastes are and how I can pick out everything I like.... That made me feel better. I told him he couldn''t complain about anything. We aren''t getting married til Aug 12th, 2006 so we have time and I feel like I have 1/2 if not more of the planning done (dress, location, food, RD, florist, photographers, hotel...I just need to pick out details) so I guess I don''t need his help, yet. I am long-distance planning so that is why I already have a lot done. I don''t go home too often. I just was curious what everyone else''s experiences were.


BTW njc I am a graphic designer too. Did you print your own invites.

 

[rms]

can I reply, even though we are already married?!?!

My DH participated about 5% in the planning. I did nearly everything myself. The few things I did ask him to do he did and I really appreciated it, but trust me, he totally wanted to "just show up".

I was so happy that he showed up

 

[njc]

Date: 8/18/2005 1:25:36 PM
Author: PunchNPie75

''Whatever you want sweetheart'' and then when I do choose something its ''No I dont like that!''

HA! Yes, i ran into that one a couple of times too...

Me: Do you have any ideas about transportation for us?
Him: Anything but a limo
Me: Okay, cool, thats kinda what ive been thinking... maybe an old car!
Him: Sounds great

Couple weeks later...

Me: Okay, i found this really cool London Taxi for us to ride and i took pics so you can see it... what do you think?
Him: I dont like it
Me: Okay (dissapointed)... what would you like?
Him: I''m not sure
Me: Well, this was the closest thing i could find to what we talked about, if you want to look, have at it.
Him: I''ll look into it

Couple more weeks later... getting closer to the day...

Me: Did you find anything?
Him: Never looked. How about a limo?
Me: [::thinking::] OMG I AM GOING TO WRING YOUR &%#$!* NECK!

I rented the London Taxi and as far as i know, he loved it... or at least he said so!

 

[njc]

How cool T e-ring! I priced doing it all myself, and it was going to cost just as much, if not more, so i went the lazy way. I did make everything else though... save the dates, my BM luncheon invites, direction inserts, table cards, favor/escort cards and the ceremony programs. I told one of BMs i felt i had to do all that stuff, because it was my profession!

Are you going to print your own?

 

[ame]

The only things he cared about were ok''ing the tuxes, ok''ing the music choice and his ring. Other than that he couldn''t care less. The wedding was more for my family than anyone.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

njc- I just bought all the stuff to print our STD. We are going to do magnets and I got these really cool envelopes and paper.

It might be more work and money but this is how I see it, the invites I like are the really expensive more modern ones that I can easily replicate, I own my own GD business so I have a nice laser printer I can use and an account with Xpedx for cheaper paper (and I think I am going to have them cut the paper to size). I think it will be very time consuming but I have awhile. What I have envisioned is grommets, vellum, and lots of pages. I will post a pic for you whenever I get a mock-up done. Who knows, I might just take the lazy way out too.

 

[icekid]

not quite engaged yet, but I already know that my bf is going to be USELESS... even though he insists otherwise. He can''t even make a decision about anything NOW, let alone a wedding. But considering I''m in med school, I don''t know WHO is going to plan my wedding! Yet another shove toward a destination wedding..

 

[Tacori E-ring]

icekid- I did most my planning in one day. If you just set a side a day and a plan you will get things done (but you have to be desisive) We are also having it at a country club which is great b/c they do the food, cake, bar, have tables and chairs already, and a ceremony site (golf course). So it is making it really easy.

 

[glaucomflecken]

Date: 8/18/2005 1:51:52 PM
Author: ame
The only things he cared about were ok''ing the tuxes, ok''ing the music choice and his ring. Other than that he couldn''t care less. The wedding was more for my family than anyone.

Ame your words describe my fiance (and my family...) perfectly!

 

[MelissaSue]

My FI is not really that into planning, but he''s not totally useless either.
Like I posted on my other thread, the dear boy offered to go bridesmaid dress shopping with me! He took care of the church (Even though it took weeks of nagging), and he helped me pick a ceremony place.. (okay.. i really did that on my own.. but he came with me to the places.. and the one place I was thinking of he said he didn''t like, and I''m glad that he talked me out of it, because my dad might have convinced me, and I would have regretted it!)..

He''s definitely not into flowers, and my parents are taking care of most of the big reception decisions (have I mentioned how wonderful my father is, and how great it is to have a family member with connections in the restaurant business when planning a wedding?!)

I was going to put him in charge of the limo, but then I realized my sister has limo connections.. So I''m goign to have her figure that out for me.

I picked the tuxes too. lol.. He doesn''t even know who his groomsmen are goign to be yet. I think I need to make him decide, like tomorrow.

 

[JessesGrl]

My FI has come with me to the reception site everytime we need to "finalize" things, last weekend he tagged along to pick out flowers and linen colors...he did not speak but was there in body (hahah). He actually said when we went to pick out tuxex a few weeks ago that it made him "excited" about everything...My mom has been my wedding planner, I could not have done it without her!

 

[ame]

Date: 8/18/2005 1:48:46 PM
Author: njc
How cool T e-ring! I priced doing it all myself, and it was going to cost just as much, if not more, so i went the lazy way. I did make everything else though... save the dates, my BM luncheon invites, direction inserts, table cards, favor/escort cards and the ceremony programs. I told one of BMs i felt i had to do all that stuff, because it was my profession!


Are you going to print your own?

You echoed my thoughts about feeling like you betray your career and training if you send it to someone else. So I bought all the parts, I was going to go through my suppliers and they couldn't really cut me any good deals for such a small order so I got a reasonably decent deal through MyGatsby.com. I had the printed stuff done by a small-run vendor I have used a few times for other things. I forgot to say I wanted coated paper and ink (so the ink would be shiny to those who are reading that saying wha?)...my fault...and they reprinted it free. I think they turned out pretty nice frankly. I still half-assed em towards the end. I had bought brown ribbon to wrap the whole thing with and never bothered to use it and just sealed the envelopes with a label and self-mailed.

Only my designer friends knew what I cheaped on and they didn't care.

I still spent over $700 on 200 invites. And the printing was only $130 of that

 

[ame]

Date: 8/18/2005 9:47:20 PM
Author: PunchNPie75

Date: 8/18/2005 1:51:52 PM

Author: ame

The only things he cared about were ok''ing the tuxes, ok''ing the music choice and his ring. Other than that he couldn''t care less. The wedding was more for my family than anyone.

Ame your words describe my fiance (and my family...) perfectly!

God I wish my family would have just kept some of it to themselves. I had my reception at a site I did NOT want at all because my mom didn''t agree with the selection I had made. My dad paid the deposit where I wanted it because I wanted that and my mom drug him back to get the check back later that same day.

I was so angry. In fact, I still am.

That doesn''t mean the reception wasnt great, I just wanted a place that looked cool instead of some metal walled banquet hall.

 

[flopkins]

Date: 8/18/2005 1:35:44 PM
Author: njc

Date: 8/18/2005 1:25:36 PM

Author: PunchNPie75


''Whatever you want sweetheart'' and then when I do choose something its ''No I dont like that!''

HA! Yes, i ran into that one a couple of times too...


Me: Do you have any ideas about transportation for us?

Him: Anything but a limo

Me: Okay, cool, thats kinda what ive been thinking... maybe an old car!

Him: Sounds great


Couple weeks later...


Me: Okay, i found this really cool London Taxi for us to ride and i took pics so you can see it... what do you think?

Him: I dont like it

Me: Okay (dissapointed)... what would you like?

Him: I''m not sure

Me: Well, this was the closest thing i could find to what we talked about, if you want to look, have at it.

Him: I''ll look into it


Couple more weeks later... getting closer to the day...


Me: Did you find anything?

Him: Never looked. How about a limo?

Me: [::thinking::] OMG I AM GOING TO WRING YOUR &%#$!* NECK!

I rented the London Taxi and as far as i know, he loved it... or at least he said so!

Oh my goodness.... this could totally be my FI and I... at least on a few occasions. I have been continually surprised at how much FI wants to participate in the decision making... since in ''normal'' life he''s very lassiez faire about everything... but all of a sudden, when it comes to wedding related stuff, he''s suddenly very opinionated! I still don''t get it. I''ll show him a bunch of choices kind of thinking he won''t care, and he''ll suddenly pipe up, oh, I don''t like that one... !! But it''s been good for the most part, except when (like above) he doesn''t like ANY of the choices, and then does squat about it. Sigh... Thankfully those times are few and far between...

Although whenever he DOES do part of the planning on his own, he makes it a point to tell me that ''it''s not supposed to be his job''... WTF?!!

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Ame, I know. Plus if you are like me I am so picky when it somes to any kind of printed design. I have seen some HORRIBLE ones out there. I guess someone must like it. Keep in mind I have a little under a year so I can be ambitious now. Talk to me in 8 months.
I think it is great that some of you Fis allowed themselves to be "dragged" by you. My fi has not even SEEN out reception site. I asked him if he wanted to go last time we visited my parents. He said "no, that''s okay" !!!! I understand weddings are for the bride but he doesn''t even want to SEE it. I also mentioned one day how this will be the happiest day of our lives (until kids) and he looked at me like I was crazy. So he is totally out of the loop and I am not even going to ask for his opinion anymore. I am glad both our moms are into wedding planing otherwise I really would just elope.

 

[njc]

Date: 8/19/2005 1:01:57 PM
Author: Tacori E-ring

Keep in mind I have a little under a year so I can be ambitious now. Talk to me in 8 months.

I think having the time is key... so get to work!

I basicly had 6 months, so time was always against me.

Ame - I half-assed my stuff towards the end too. I was just so tight on time and what comforted me was knowing that at least my half-assed stuff looked 5000000 times better than most peoples sincere effort.

I have a friend getting married next weekend and her inserts were basicly Xerox copies of a Word file (not to offend anyone that has done/will do that). Mine at least coordinated with my invites and matched everything else!

 

[lmurden]

My fiance isn''t into planning either. What I do is show him my ideas and he gives me his back and that is it. What I decided to is to let him pick the food for the reception (he loves to eat

) and pick two of three layers of our wedding cake. I think that is the best that I can get out of him.

 

[ame]

I had my printed stuff done in December or late November. I figured it was worth it to just do it then. I did however wait WAY too long to order the pocketfolds,etc from mygatsby and I called pestering begging them to send it early. heh. I spent all night Friday cutting my maps and directions down and all day on a Saturday at my parent''s house stuffing all of the pocketfolks and taping the actual invite into the pocketfold. I think I sent them all on Monday from work. I gave them a month to RSVP and then spent 2 weeks pestering folks. We STILL had folks we couldn''t tackle and said well you are welcome to the party but come after dinner. We ended up about 40 people below our minimum so we had a ton of meals for those who don''t grasp the concept of RSVP, mostly my mom''s family.

 

[Angel7]

Date: 8/18/2005 2:00:04 PM
Author: icekid
not quite engaged yet, but I already know that my bf is going to be USELESS... even though he insists otherwise. He can''t even make a decision about anything NOW, let alone a wedding. But considering I''m in med school, I don''t know WHO is going to plan my wedding! Yet another shove toward a destination wedding..

I TOTALLY agree with you. I''m not quite engaged yet but he can''t even help me decide where we should go to eat or what we should rent at Blockbuster! USELESS...perfect word icekid!

 

[qtiekiki]

My Fi isn''t really into planning either, but he did called the dj, goes with me to check out venues, photographer, etc (basically whenever I tell him to go) and is helping with boxing the favors. I guess he knows that I am more particular and picky, so he lets me call the shot. I think it''s a guy thing. They are just not into the whole planning; they rather get it over with.

 

[gingerBcookie]

my fi''s not totally intoit, but if i ask him to do something, he''ll do it with only minmal nagging

he has been very helpful lately since i''ve strated back into rotaions and have been much busier with school --> such a sweetie.

BUT, my firend''s husband, talk about a GROOMZILLA! He was VERY active, which is fine, great even for bides who want that, but he did things like veto the bm dresses --> very cute afer six dresses that both the bride and all us bms liked, and we ended up with the most HEINOUS frumpy bags that he ok''ed. the day befoer the wedding, i think he felt as though the bride was getting too much attention and made a HUUUUUGE deal about how the vests of the tuxes he ordered were wrong

, meaning they were the right color, but the pattern was just slightly off. made the MoH drive all over town to find the right ones.

seriously, you couldn''t even see the pattern unless you were three inches away from his chest.

but the MOST ANNOYING thing, is that he keeps bugging ME AND MY FIANCE about how come my fiance isn''t more involved. why am i being such bridezilla b*tch that i won''t let the groom have a say. grrrr!

p!ssed me off!
1)just cuz he''s an analretentive groom doesn''t mean everyone is or wants to be (my fiance is about as laid back as i am detail oriented)
2)i ALWAYS ask my honey before i make a decision, he honestly doesn''t care. he wants to give me MY dream wedding and if i would please stop bugging him with nonsensical stuff like which favor do you like more, it would be HIS dream wedding

3)who is he to judge how we work our relationship and how we work things out?

ugh.

 

[rfath]

I''m sure my fiance would have been content to let me make all the decisions if I had wanted to, but I really wanted his input.. What I did was research every vendor, come up with a short list of two or three choices, and ask him for his help to decide between or among them. I don''t think he minded this method, but I had to laugh when he confessed to someone that he found wedding planning to be fun. Don''t think he quite grasped how much work it took on my part to get it down to a few choices for him to see!

 

[Tacori E-ring]

rfath- that is a good idea but I don''t know. He doesn''t even care to see the location!!! The only thing he seems to care about is picking a picture for our save the dates (he is like a girl when it comes to making sure it is a good picture of him!)

 

[elephant]

My fiance actually said: Good thing you''re doing such a good job and being proactive about this because otherwise, all we would have is a wedding. And I was like: hmmmm, tempting....

 

[heart prongs]

Hee hee...this brings back some funny memories, along with some ridiculous arguments...

First, he was helpful...to the extent I let him be...but he pretty much knew that it was my gig!

We registered together and I should have listened to him...we got some really nice stuff that didn't really need...I have yet to greet him at the door with a martini or a glass of champagne waiting for him in those fancy glasses that I said I had to have. He was far more practical in the registering process than I! We also chose photographer and DJ together. I did flowers and cake with my mom.

Invitations...When I finally got the names of people invited on his side of the family (see below) he insisted that his cousin's real name was "Rusty" ... I'm like, "You can't put f'ing Rusty in f'ing calligraphy"...grrr... (His name was George, thank you very nuch)

Guest list -- This is where I nearly lost it...

Sweet, newly engaged me...September 2003: "Hun, how many people do you expect from your side of the family?"

Him...same day: "I'm not sure hun, but I'll get a list from my mother?"

Me...October "So, did you get the list from your mother?"
Him...

Me...November "You know we need that list from your mother"
Him...

Me...December "What are you waiting for, Christmas, to get that list from your mother?"

Him...

Passive Aggressive Me...January "I can't find that list I asked you to get ages ago from your mother; do you know where it went?"

Him...

Me...in February, six months from wedding and starting to freak and whine...a lot!!!: You know, there's not even going to be a wedding if you don't get that f'ing list from your mother?"

Him..."Here's the stupid list, and you know, you don't have to talk to me like I'm one of your students!"
Me..."Are you calling our wedding stupid?!"

...but just happy I got the list

All in all, he was a big help...he made the CD favors, which came out awesome and which we still get tons of compliments on...he did what I asked him to do, but, like all guys -- he's not into "wedding crap" -- so to speak. He did love the day though...and at our rehearsal brunch, he made a toast to me in front of everyone, thanking me for all that I did over the past year to make create what was going to be a beautiful wedding." Awwwww

klr

prongs

 

[MelissaSue]

heart prongs, are you married to my fiance? I''ve been waiting 8 months for the guest list from his mother!! I could kill them both at this point!