Are you emotionally attached to your ER?

[two_little_birds]

So my girlfriends and I were talking the other day, and many of us have been through different life scenarios. Would any of these impact the way you think about your ER?

SO picked out the ring but you secretly hate it. Do you ask for a new one?
You upgrade your ER, do you keep the original one? If you don't keep it, how does your SO feel about selling it? Do they even care?
It's a familiar inheritance, or passed on from generations, but you secretly hate it. Do you say anything?
Your SO cheats on you.
You cheat on your SO.
For the above two:
If you stay together, do you keep the same ring or swap it out for a new one.
If you split up, assuming it stays with the wife, do you sell it? Keep it?

So my question is, what if any, emotional ties do you have to your ER? I was really intrigued to hear the opinions of my GF's, we all had vastly different thoughts.

 

[CharmyPoo]

SO picked out the ring but you secretly hate it. Do you ask for a new one?
Depends on what the SO is like. Very individual. Mine would expect me to tell him the truth if I don't like it and we will work together to make one I like. There are no secrets.

You upgrade your ER, do you keep the original one? If you don't keep it, how does your SO feel about selling it? Do they even care?
I would keep it if finances isn't an issue. He wouldn't care what I do with it but would like to tease me and make me feel guilty because he knows I am sentimental versus practical.

It's a family inheritance, or passed on from generations, but you secretly hate it. Do you say anything?
I am always honest and something not being in your style has nothing to do with appreciation.

Your SO cheats on you. You cheat on your SO.
For the above two:
If you stay together, do you keep the same ring or swap it out for a new one.
I don't see how a new ring has to do with anything. Perhaps I don't associate the actual engagement ring as commitment and a new ring is not going to renew the commitment.

If you split up, assuming it stays with the wife, do you sell it? Keep it?
Same rules apply as in a divorce (cheating or none).

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

I upgraded my ER twice before I was married. I picked the first ER but later learned that my mall store pick wasn't so great. I paid for the subsequent upgrades with DH's blessing, he didn't care what I wore as long as there was a ring on my finger

Now I must say, I do LOVE my ring. It is the ring I was married with, along with the wedding band I found to match it. I am quite attached to it and I don't see myself ever changing it. Would I get other rings to wear, yes. Would I ever actually replace this ring, not if I don't have to. I may have to someday replace the setting if it wears out or if it gets damaged somehow, that's all I see as happening.

I don't anticipate any issues w infidelity either, I'm lucky enough to say I trust my DH more than anyone and I can confidently say he feels the same way. If I thought our marriage was in the irreparable dumps I would divorce before I would cheat. I can say though, this ring to me is a symbol of our marriage. If our marriage ends in divorce or separation I would then most likely sell it or trade it for something bigger to wear for myself.

 

[missy]

SO picked out the ring but you secretly hate it.Do you ask for a new one
We don't keep secrets from each other and this is pretty much what happened with us anyway lol.

You upgrade your ER, do you keep the original one? If you don't keep it, how does your SO feel about selling it? Do they even care?
My dh wouldn't care if I sold it to get something I would enjoy and appreciate more.

It's a family inheritance, or passed on from generations, but you secretly hate it. Do you say anything?

I would tell him exactly what I thought but if it was passed on from generations I might reset it into a pendant or something I could wear and enjoy. I wouldn't want to sell something that has been in the family for generations and generations. At the very least I would give it to a family member who would love it.

Your SO cheats on you. You cheat on your SO.
For the above two:
If you stay together, do you keep the same ring or swap it out for a new one.
I agree with Charmy. The ring doesn't symbolize our commitment to one another and if one of us cheated we would have bigger problems than the ring yanno?


If you split up, assuming it stays with the wife, do you sell it? Keep it?
Not sure. I don't think I would want to wear it if we split up because I might associate it with bittersweet memories.

 

[ame]

SO picked out the ring but you secretly hate it. Do you ask for a new one?

Wouldn't ever happen. He knows better than to surprise me. He'll NEVER not include me in such a thing. Ever.

You upgrade your ER, do you keep the original one? If you don't keep it, how does your SO feel about selling it? Do they even care?

Well, DH wouldn't care. I have nothing original anymore, except the "promise ring" he gave me that doesn't fit over my knuckle anymore. My REAL original was a disaster that ended up in a refund. The "replacement original" he reproposed with got stolen in 09, as did the band. My original wedding band from my actual wedding got sent back to the maker the Monday after the wedding. So this particular ring, if we could afford it, he wouldn't care. I love this stone though, a lot. I don't know if I'd find one in this cut again that's as amazing. So I don't know if I would trade this in or what, it would be hard to let go. If I go back to a modern ideal cut from this cut, I have an idea what I'd buy, because of my anal-retentiveness.

It's a familiar inheritance, or passed on from generations, but you secretly hate it. Do you say anything?

If it's inherited and important to his family, I don't know if I'd feel comfortable wearing it regardless of liking or hating. I'd probably say I want a different ring and save that for special occasions.

Your SO cheats on you.
You cheat on your SO.
For the above two:
If you stay together, do you keep the same ring or swap it out for a new one.
If you split up, assuming it stays with the wife, do you sell it? Keep it?

Well, I don't tolerate infidelity, that's an immediate dealbreaker that is not going to be fixed, period. Non negotiable. So if we had that scenario I'd probably sell it, but I do love this stone.

 

[two_little_birds]

SO picked out the ring but you secretly hate it. Do you ask for a new one?
Yes, but I tend to be brutally honest when it comes to my opinions. Unfortunately I have "been there, done this" with my own DH. He was very hurt after I made him return the first ER he picked out.

You upgrade your ER, do you keep the original one? If you don't keep it, how does your SO feel about selling it? Do they even care?
OK, I've been here too. My husband allowed me to upgrade for our 15th anniversary. I felt attached to my original ER so I had it set into a halo (which I love) and had every intent to wear it on my RH. But I find I don't wear it, so now I'm questioning if I should sell it. I haven't shared that thinking with my husband yet though.

It's a family inheritance, or passed on from generations, but you secretly hate it. Do you say anything?
Similar to my first answer, I think I would say something. I would rather it go to someone who appreciates it.

Your SO cheats on you. You cheat on your SO.
For the above two:
If you stay together, do you keep the same ring or swap it out for a new one.
Hmm, this is a tough one. Part of me feels the ring should reflect the promise you made to one another. Would I look at it any differently? I think I might, but I'm not sure. If we were to stay together after such an "event" I might just want a new ring. I honestly can't say for certain though.

If you split up, assuming it stays with the wife, do you sell it? Keep it?
Typically the wife gets the ring in a split. If it were me, and the divorce was ugly... yes I would sell it. If we split on amicable terms then I might hang onto it, but again I have to wonder why would I? Perhaps pass it on to my daughter?

 

[WinkHPD]

<SNIP>
Your SO cheats on you.
You cheat on your SO.
For the above two:<SNIP>

For either of the two above. RUN FORREST RUN!

There is no excuse, there is no salvage. Maybe if you had thirty years of mostly good marriage behind you, but if you are not married yet you can be sure it will happen again. Get out now while it is not complicated and does not require attorneys.

Just an old happily married man's opinion... it will be 41 years in August.

Wink

 

[TC1987]

SO picked out the ring but you secretly hate it. Do you ask for a new one?
-- Yes. Like, if a guy bought me a princess diamond, I'd just about croak unless it was, like, 2.5ct, D/E white, and spectacularly cut. If it was a mounting I could not stand, I might tolerate a simple solitaire and then change that myself later. If an elaborate Verragio or something, and it just wasn't my taste or it wasn't comfortable, has to go. If it's one of those huge bulky thick and /or wide contemporary types, I actually like those, but my fingers are so short that anything other than the 2-3mm wide and similar thickness shanks bang into my knuckle, cause severe pain, and I just can't wear them. I learned that from experience when I was married, because my 1st wedding band was a 6mm domed band with milgrain edges. I adored that ring, but had to quit wearing it within a year because was too much ring and kept banging into my knuckle.

You upgrade your ER, do you keep the original one? If you don't keep it, how does your SO feel about selling it? Do they even care?
-- My ex might have said sell, or trade, or more likely "How about I take that diamond and have it mounted into a ring for me." I had no great personal attachment to that diamond, and it wasn't cut to modern standards, so I'd probably have been ok with it going down the road. When we divorced, I gave that diamond back to my ex, but I kept the setting and had a sim stone put in it. The only reason that I don't wear it much is that it's yellow gold and I'm not wearing YG very much.


It's a familiar inheritance, or passed on from generations, but you secretly hate it. Do you say anything?
-- If I hated it, I think that reset the stone into a setting that I get to choose is a reasonable compromise. I respect family heirlooms, but I think this is where men and their mamas have to be reasonable: You don't chain your fiance' to some fugly ring she hates and expect her to kowtow and just wear it, smile, and say nothing. If it's a partnership of equals, then it's fair for the woman to say "Sorry, I don't want to wear that. I want MY OWN ring to start this new marriage with."

Your SO cheats on you.
If you stay together, do you keep the same ring or swap it out for a new one. -- Hellno! That's the end of starter ring. LOL He cheats and gets me to agree to not divorce him and take at least half of everything: It will cost him, big time. Say hello to my brand spankin' new 3-4ct RB.
If you split up, assuming it stays with the wife, do you sell it? Keep it? -- I gave mine back, because I didn't want "his" diamond or any memories that were attached to it, honestly. My marriage was a great disappointment to me. I really worked at it but all he did was coast on my efforts and my income.

You cheat on your SO. --- I am not one to cheat. I just end it and walk away, THEN worry about finding a replacement.


So my question is, what if any, emotional ties do you have to your ER? I was really intrigued to hear the opinions of my GF's, we all had vastly different thoughts.
-- I had great emotional ties to my e-ring when I received it. I was sentimental about it, and emotionally attached to it. It was "only" a .8ct, small by PS standards, but I was very proud of it and what it symbolized. I never even desired a larger diamond the entire 9 years of marriage. But as the marriage eroded, so did my attachment to that ring. I didn't want the center stone anymore. The setting, I had chosen and paid for myself later, so it had no stigma. After the divorce, I found PS and ebay and I bought some nice big diamonds in the 8mm diameter range.

 

[Laila619]

My SO did pick out my ring and I strongly disliked it. So I did not feel any emotional attachment to it.

 

[CharmyPoo]

I just thought of another spin to this ... many women these days buy their own upgrades or changes. I bought my latest OEC on my own so there is no way I am giving it "back" in a divorce. That's my diamond and my ring .. I just happen to wear it on my ring finger but it's not really an e-ring.

 

[heididdl]

So my girlfriends and I were talking the other day, and many of us have been through different life scenarios. Would any of these impact the way you think about your ER?

SO picked out the ring but you secretly hate it. Do you ask for a new one? GGently and over time absolutely.
You upgrade your ER, do you keep the original one? If you don't keep it, how does your SO feel about selling it? Do they even care? If you have the funds yes. I made mine (which I didn't select or carefore into a pendant) and we got the new ering together
It's a familiar inheritance, or passed on from generations, but you secretly hate it. Do you say anything? My current ering was my others I wore it during every radiation treatment its gorgous and huge so no way am I getting rid of it.
Your SO cheats on you. dump him sell it buy something new
You cheat on your SO. ......hmmmmmmm
For the above two:
If you stay together, do you keep the same ring or swap it out for a new one. Not important
If you split up, assuming it stays with the wife, do you sell it? Keep it? Not sure

So my question is, what if any, emotional ties do you have to your ER? I was really intrigued to hear the opinions of my GF's, we all had vastly different thoughts.

My ering from my hubby no sentimental value but its a trillion and very unusual so I wouldn't sell it but my mom's ring yes.

 

[kenny]

No, it's just an object.
I'm attached to my SO.

 

[tyty333]

No, it's just an object.
I'm attached to my SO.

Do you expect your SO to give back the ring if there is a divorce?

 

[kenny]

No, it's just an object.
I'm attached to my SO.

Do you expect your SO to give back the ring if there is a divorce?

No.
It was a gift that means nothing to me, though it does to him.
To me it's just an object, just like the Octavia I bought for myself.

Stuff is just stuff.
I guess I'm not much for the idea of a ring symbolizing something.
The person is what matters.

My opinion only applies to me.

 

[CharmyPoo]

Stuff is just stuff.
I guess I'm not much for the idea of a ring symbolizing something.
The person is what matters.

My opinion only applies to me.

There was a point in my life where I thought it mattered .. and how much effort he put into picking out material things mattered. But as you grow up, you appreciate more and more all the special things the person does for you on a daily basis ... that's what matters. Knowing exactly what I want to eat or what mood I would be in or how to cheer me up (or piss me off when he wants to).

 

[vinjewels]

SO picked out the ring but you secretly hate it. Do you ask for a new one?
I probably would wait until a big anniversary and suggest an upgrade.
You upgrade your ER, do you keep the original one? If you don't keep it, how does your SO feel about selling it? Do they even care?
Not sure what I would do. I was attached to my original one (it had family diamonds in it), but it was lost/stolen. So I probably would have not even wanted an upgrade. Maybe a RHR and keep the ER where it is. So keep it.
It's a familiar inheritance, or passed on from generations, but you secretly hate it. Do you say anything?
Yep. We designed the ring together, so DH would have probably checked in to see if I even liked it before he would have proposed.
Your SO cheats on you.
You cheat on your SO.
For the above two:
If you stay together, do you keep the same ring or swap it out for a new one.
Keep it
If you split up, assuming it stays with the wife, do you sell it? Keep it?
Sell it and get a boob job or some other self indulgent improvement.

 

[tyty333]

No, it's just an object.
I'm attached to my SO.

Do you expect your SO to give back the ring if there is a divorce?

No.
It was a gift that means nothing to me, though it does to him.
To me it's just an object, just like the Octavia I bought for myself.

Stuff is just stuff.
I guess I'm not much for the idea of a ring symbolizing something.
The person is what matters.

My opinion only applies to me.

I think you have a very healthy outlook...I just thought you might be more attached to your stones because I figured you're the one
into diamonds and not your SO.

 

[kenny]

I think you have a very healthy outlook...I just thought you might be more attached to your stones because I figured you're the one
into diamonds and not your SO.

Oh I love both Octavia rings so I guess you could say I'm attached to them.
But the symbolism thing is not for me.

They are out of this world fantastic but I make no connection between them and our relationship.
I realize many, if not most, people do see their E and W-rings as symbols and that's groovy … for them.

 

[lambskin]

Love my ER and we both were involved in picking the stone. It was made by a family friend who has since died. I would never upgrade if given the chance, rather I would get a new bigger stone and setting. Now to answer the hypotheticals: Once married the ring belongs to the women as the ring is consideration for the promise to marry. This age old contract law. Now If I was the cheater and the stone belonged to my husband's family side, I would give back the stone (keep the setting) as it should stay in his family. This would appease some guilt.

 

[Roxy]

SO picked out the ring but you secretly hate it. Do you ask for a new one?

Thankfully DH insisted on my input so I loved my ER from day one. If he HAD picked one out without caring about my input and I hated it, it wouldn't have been a "secret" (LOL ) and I definitely would have gotten one I loved.

The question would have become whether I'd want to marry a man who didn't care enough to get my input on something that was so special for both of us ....

You upgrade your ER, do you keep the original one? If you don't keep it, how does your SO feel about selling it? Do they even care?

Yes, I kept my original one and even got another oval because I loved the look of my original so much.

It's a familiar inheritance, or passed on from generations, but you secretly hate it. Do you say anything?

If I felt uncomfortable about an heirloom, I wouldn't wear it as an Ering, but would wear it as something else just as special. I always felt torn for Kate Middleton having to wear Diana's Ering ... what an honor to be asked to wear it, but what a burden to feel as though you have to.

Your SO cheats on you. You cheat on your SO.
For the above two:
If you stay together, do you keep the same ring or swap it out for a new one. If you split up, assuming it stays with the wife, do you sell it? Keep it?

If DH cheats on me and we stay together it's because I don't know that he's cheated, so I'm still on cloud nine .

 

[motownmama]

My DH picked out my ER on his own. I'm 100% emotionally attached to it (not more than I am to him). I was devastated when I lost my wedding band a decade ago, but because we/I had chosen it I was sad but not S sentimental, which is odd bc it was inscribed/blessed : "with this ring I thee wed,". For years I had dreams about finding it and even write to the owners of the house we owned when it went missing. It was very important to me to wear my ER for the births of our 4 kids , my mom's funeral etc. When I had an operation following a 2nd trimester miscarriage I wouldn't take off my rings so they were taped with surgical tape to my finger. It's just me. What other people do or don't doesn't affect me. I have my moms 2.25 tcw and I do wear it sometimes, but I never consider it MY own engagement ring. Now as many know, after I lost my WB I've gotten an average of 2 bands/stackers per year, plus I have my moms bands, so I'm not holding myself up as some uber disciplined martyr or saint. I'm just as sentimental fool about my ER. He'd been through the ringer and yet was brave enough to plan a totally surprise proposal. Lotffrs of "love you forever," but we'd never said the M word and got married within a few months.

 

[two_little_birds]

If you split up, assuming it stays with the wife, do you sell it? Keep it?
Sell it and get a boob job or some other self indulgent improvement.

Bhahahaha

 

[diamondseeker2006]

My original rings have sentimental value, but I value cut and quality more now (plus platinum), so I no longer wear my original set which is in yellow gold.


SO picked out the ring but you secretly hate it. Do you ask for a new one?

We were only 21, but we went to look together, so he knew exactly what I wanted. If I had hated it, I don't know what I would have done! But plain solitaires were the norm back then, so it would have been an unlikely scenario.

You upgrade your ER, do you keep the original one? If you don't keep it, how does your SO feel about selling it? Do they even care?

I wanted to switch to white metals, and my husband suggested I keep the original rings as they were and get a new set for our anniversary. Thus began my upgrade journey! I still have my original set but have not worn them since.

It's a familiar inheritance, or passed on from generations, but you secretly hate it. Do you say anything?

I'd try to get a new anniversary ring and occasionally wear the heirloom on my right hand. I wouldn't sell or take apart an heirloom ring unless it was damaged or just too ugly for anyone else to ever wear.

Your SO cheats on you.
You cheat on your SO.
For the above two:
If you stay together, do you keep the same ring or swap it out for a new one.
If you split up, assuming it stays with the wife, do you sell it? Keep it?

Rings would not enter into the equation. If the couple splits up, the ring is hers to do whatever she wants. She has no obligation to give it back to him unless they are just engaged. I might give it to a child to use as an e-ring. I have seen that be done multiple times in my circle, and in fact, that is what Prince William did!

 

[Roxy]

You upgrade your ER, do you keep the original one? If you don't keep it, how does your SO feel about selling it? Do they even care?

I wanted to switch to white metals, and my husband suggested I keep the original rings as they were and get a new set for our anniversary. Thus began my upgrade journey! I still have my original set but have not worn them since.

DS, I know what you're saying about wanting to switch to white metal (platinum specifically), that's what started my journey as well. I still have my yellow gold set and it looks so dated it's hilarious, but it also tugs at my heart a bit when I know what DH put into it at the time .

While the types of metal have changed over time, solitaires (w/ or w/out sidestones) are still the main look in my circle of friends/family/co-workers/etc. I have to come to PS to get my halo (and other fancy settings) fix for the day (thank goodness for PS ).

 

[Dreamer_D]

SO picked out the ring but you secretly hate it. Do you ask for a new one?

My DH did pick out my e-ring and while I did not hate it it was not what I was imagining so I was not crazy about it. I did get a new one. I kept my original ring.

You upgrade your ER, do you keep the original one? If you don't keep it, how does your SO feel about selling it? Do they even care?

My husband was a little sensitive about my e-ring changes in the start. He was sad that he had not gotten me something that made me happy. The fact was that we simple could not afford what I wanted when we got engaged. But he got used to it. He likes me to wear a ring, he does not care anymore what it looks like. That said, he was very against me selling my 1.66ct MRB back in 2011. But, now he really loves my current ring that I got in 2012. He would not like me to sell it because it is essentially irreplacable. I still have my original e-ring, I feel sentimental about it and will keep it always, although I don't wear it. It's a sapphire.

It's a familiar inheritance, or passed on from generations, but you secretly hate it. Do you say anything?

Yes, I would.

Your SO cheats on you.
You cheat on your SO.
If you stay together, do you keep the same ring or swap it out for a new one.
If you split up, assuming it stays with the wife, do you sell it? Keep it?

It's hard to imagine what I would feel in these situations. If we split, I think I would reset my diamond and wear it on my RH. But I have no idea what I would do if we stayed together. My ring is a symbol of my marriage, but was not a gift from my husband, so that makes it a little different than if I associated the ring with my husband and his youthful love that had since faded or changed.

 

[Dancing Fire]

[quote="TC1987|1393806058|3626084

You cheat on your SO. --- I am not one to cheat. I just end it and walk away, THEN worry about finding a replacement.

[/quote]
Always have a "replacement" in line before you walk away...

 

[Gypsy]

SO picked out the ring but you secretly hate it. Do you ask for a new one?
Um. SO didn't pick it out. I did. And I did that to avoid this exact senario. I believe in being direct. So yes, if for some reason my Dh had ignored my wishes I would have said something. But MOSTLY because he would have ignored my preferences and that would have been a red flag. Not because of the ring.
You upgrade your ER, do you keep the original one? If you don't keep it, how does your SO feel about selling it? Do they even care?
My DH is EXTREMELY attached to my ring. And I have agreed never to upgrade as a result. And selling it is out of the question.
It's a familiar inheritance, or passed on from generations, but you secretly hate it. Do you say anything? I would have said something from the get go. I was offered my MIL's ring and I declined it as it didn't suit my tastes.
Your SO cheats on you.WTH does that have to do with the ring. The relationship and the ring are ... not related really
You cheat on your SO.Why would I do that. And again, nothing to do with JEWELRY
For the above two:
If you stay together, do you keep the same ring or swap it out for a new one.No. Why?
If you split up, assuming it stays with the wife, do you sell it? Keep it? I do whatever I want with it. It's mine . I have no idea what I would want to do however, as I am not in that sitatiuon

So my question is, what if any, emotional ties do you have to your ER? I was really intrigued to hear the opinions of my GF's, we all had vastly different thoughts.

 

[gregchang35]

I chose my ring, and it really isnt an E ring.... I LOVE diamonds and have always wanted to have diamond rings, so now i have it. I have now developed a hankering for the Octavia, so i can be persuaded to 'lose' the solitaire.....

I learned after 2 breakin's that jewellry and such like are only material things and i do not hold any sentiment to the rings apart from the fact that they are rings that i love/ enjoy wearing.

Cheating= end of r/ship.
if r//ship ended, i would still wear the rings as i got the rings because i love the rings. It didnt signify E- ring or anything.

 

[artdecolover71]

Attached to my man, my lover, my best friend- I am 40 and been together since we are teenagers. I was not emotionally attached to my ring because I didn't ever want a round and so 20 years later, I sold it (at his suggestion bc he knew my feelings). We are now in the process of designing a ring together, when I was young I thought it was so romantic to be surprised. Two resets later, it was still a round (lol) and I still wanted it to be a different shape. Maybe I will be more attached to this one because it has been so special each step of the way, but I'm not sure.

 

[Tourmaline]

SO picked out the ring but you secretly hate it. Do you ask for a new one?
We tackled that one before we got engaged. It was an argument, but I won, and I got to pick it out. I picked an emerald cut, because I'd had round diamonds before and I wanted something totally new to me. After a couple of years, I regretted the choice (wished I had a round diamond), but my husband was against selling it.

You upgrade your ER, do you keep the original one? If you don't keep it, how does your SO feel about selling it? Do they even care?
Somehow, my husband changed his position over time and eventually suggested trading in the original ring toward a new one. Yay!

It's a familiar inheritance, or passed on from generations, but you secretly hate it. Do you say anything?
This didn't happen, so it's hard to comment.

Your SO cheats on you.
This would rattle my whole world and the ring wouldn't matter at all anymore.

You cheat on your SO.
Nope.

For the above two:
If you stay together, do you keep the same ring or swap it out for a new one.
New one, probably.

If you split up, assuming it stays with the wife, do you sell it? Keep it?
Give it to my daughter.