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I'm so sorry BlueRoses, suspected something was up when you didn't appear Sunday or Mon.
I wish for such good things for you - you deserve good things, positive things, and good people around you.
Sometimes a relationship is just dysfunctional, and there's nothing that can really be done about it.
Perhaps time and distance can make the situation clear.
I don't really have any words of wisdom; I wish I did. *Big Hugs*

Side Note* There is no reason to vacate your spot on LIW - you're still an LIW, it's just not right situation right now. I suspect that will come in time. You're a smart, funny, beautiful, sensitive lady - and I don't know anyone doesn't want one of those in their life. You just have to find the right match - whoever that may turn out to be.

Thinking about you...

Scintillating...
 
Oh Blue! I am so proud of the way you present yourself. Gosh, I just love it. Those who know you in *real life* are absolutely blessed, of that I''m sure!

And I understand where your heart''s going, what it''s hoping. It can work out that way. I''ve seen it in two of my friends, and also in Paul''s parents. Sometimes one or the other just can''t wrap him/herself around the lifelong aspect of such a commitment and it takes seeing them *leave* for it to kick in just what that loss is, and then they figure things out.

I don''t know who Croi is, but I don''t have a doubt that however this unfolds, you''ll be stronger, more connected to who you are, what you want, what you need, and what you deserve. You''ll make it through this and oh I''m so very much hoping that he sees what a sweet spirit he''s potentially losing.

Thank you for coming back to talk to us; I was anticipating hearing from you. My mind was making up all sorts of stories, from both ends of the realm of possibilities!

Keep your head up, enjoy your departure from your town, and just know that you *fully* deserve a man *fully* able to commit to a relationship that matches your own ideals, too.

Happy thoughts and all that fun stuff, going out to you!
 
Thank you Scintillating and Fisher......those are both such lovely posts and it means a great deal. THANKS. I knew you girls would all know what had happened when I didn''t come back right away.


(Oh, Fishie, Croi is an "oldschool" LIW grad of never-ending enthusiasm and great support....her story is GREAT if you ever search the old threads. Anyway, she was in an 11-year relationship, some similarities to my sitch, and it didn''t happen. She finally left, heartbroken-even then thinking it was a temporary break, learning later he''d had a ring for a year but wasn''t "there"-- and then met the man to who she is now BLISSFULLY married.)


And at least I got my OWN sparkly during this wait, dammit!!!
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Oh Blue... I thought that perhaps you were staying away because you needed to process but everything inside me hoped and prayed that I was wrong. You know of course that I've been with my boyfriend for 11 years, and I am just trying to imagine all the things I would be going through. I know a part of you must have whispered " I've wasted so much time" but you haven't it was a wonderful experience that you both lived together. And of course you miss him now because before it was a seperation, a trial, but now it's more then that. I don't know what to say because I actually feel a physical pain for you.

I know that you are strong, and that you will get through this. We can't possibly know what is going to happen down the road, but damn it if I didn't wish that we could fast forward and see what is in store for you. But what I do know with all my heart, is that right now, at this very moment you are doing what is best for YOU. It could not possibly have continued on like this, you being who you are, and needing these things. It would have been terrible to go another 10 years and be exactly where you are now. That would really have been a disaster.

What I can say to you is that all things REALLY DO happen for a reason. That fate has plans for us that we could never imagine. I remember when I wanted med school so bad I would have given EVERYTHING. And I worried, and I cried, and fought tooth and nail, but honestly I look back on that and I really say to myself, "It was fate" and at the end of the day if it wasn't meant for me, it wouldn't have happened. And it's the same for you. If he is the man for you, he'll return, and if not, one day you will look back at this and say "Thank God I didn't stay in that relationship"

I'm sending you lots of love, postive thoughts and long distance strength. We're all here for you if you need us.
 
Blueroses your intelligence and humor and beautiful spirit always come through in your posts. You are one of my favorite people here. I know that the situation did not unfold as you had hoped, and as we had hoped, but your strength, even through your sadness and heartbreak is evident and I know there are good things in store for you. You are doing what''s best for you and that''s what''s important. I wrote this in another thread but the same goes here - I was dating a push-pull guy for awhile and I finally came to the revelation that if I''m looking out for what''s best for him, and he''s looking out for what''s best for him, then who''s looking out for what''s best for me? That answer should never be "no-one." And I''m glad to hear that you are not in that situation and you ARE doing what''s best for you, even though it sucks and it hurts.

I wish nothing but the best for you and for you to mend well and quickly, and for you to find someone who loves and appreciates you for the magnificent woman that you are! Whether it be him coming to terms with the fact that he can''t lose you, or someone completely new, I hope it works out for the best for you.
 
And what a beautiful sparklie it is!!!! I''m really sorry!!!! You are such a terrific person and I know great things lie ahead for you. Biggest hugs, Lisa
 
Blueroses, I don''t think I ever posted earlier in this thread, but I was reading it and thinking good thoughts for you. I am so sorry that you haven''t yet found the happy ending we were all hoping for. You seem to have a lot of innate strength, and a buoyant personality that shines even through an anonymous forum. I hope they help you out through this period. That and your sense of humor!

I also understand something about committmentphobia, and I actually feel badly for him as well. I hope he continues with therapy.
 
oh blueroses, i''m so sorry
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. I ended up losing a 6 year relationship when I was in my 20''s. I was heartbroken and confused and could not ever imagine for one second there would be anyone else out there for me. Unfortuately, he wasn''t ready, didn''t want to grow up and i couldn''t make him. It took time for me to give up on the "dream" I had dreamed for so long, but eventually I did. I dated a few others and moved to a different city. No one seemed to measure up to him, until....I met who in now my hubby. he ended up being the perfect match me for and I''m so glad I didn''t settle for what I thought I wanted years ago. I don''t know if you''ll end up back together or not, but either way i know there is a happy ending out there for you with a man who will love and respect everything about you and be head over heels in love begging you to marry him with a big ol'' asscher/halo
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seriously, you are such a wonderful person and much stronger than most and I know as hard as it is right now that soon your dreams will come true
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Hi blue...

I haven''t posted before either because I''ve been taking a little break from PS (or tryint to anyway!). I have been following your thread and just wanetd to send you some hugs!..

I know it can be terrifying to think that you will be starting over at 32, but right now you have to concentrate on you....and as terrifying as it might be, it might be the healthiest thing you can do for yourself.

I hope you know that we''re all here rooting for you and will listen, cry and laugh with you!.

Big hugs,

M~
 
Blueroses,

I''m so sorry to hear this. I know that you must be feeling very sad and lost right now, but I''m sure that it will all work out in the end. Either he will realize what he missed and really want to marry you, or you''ll find the perfect man for you who just can''t wait to do so. You''re definitely strong enough to get through this. Big, big hugs.

Blenheim
 
Date: 6/21/2006 6:51:16 PM
Author: FireGoddess
Blueroses your intelligence and humor and beautiful spirit always come through in your posts. You are one of my favorite people here.
Click to expand...
DITTO & **HUGS** like I''ve never cyber-hugged before!

Girl, you are a special soul. Better believe it''s "not you", cause that is the TRUTH! I know aside from the enormous loss & grief that you''re adjusting to the "starting over at 32 concept". I have BEEN THERE (to some extent)! And one of my absolute idol/mentors divorced at 30, re-married at 35, divorced again at 46 and by 50 was married to the dream guy she''d been hoping for all her life. (Handsome Doctor/Dean of a Medical School/fellow marathon runner/travel lover/social butterfly) who finally gave her another thing she''d always wanted - kids! (Stepkids obviously!). I admire her most for her ability to reinvent herself over & over. She''s like Madonna I swear! From college homecoming queen married to a chauvanist football coach, to a world-traveling flight attendent to big city sales rep to magazine publisher to Society Wife. (Not to mention a steamy post-marriage #2 fling with a Michael Jordan look-a-like, and a certain sports car purchase along the way.) Whenever I think I''m stuck or wonder what''s next I think of her and know, sometimes NOT knowing what''s next & being able to go with the flow makes life fuller & richer than you''d ever imagine. Def def not saying you should aspire to be the next Elizabeth Taylor/J LO ... just that, when you''re fiesty and glorious and interesting and full of the kind of stuff YOU''RE MADE OF ... life has a lot in store for you, even if it''s not what you thought you''d picked out for yourself.

Will be checking in on ya & hoping you''ll reach out whenever you want to during this super difficult time!!

I have SO MUCH FAITH IN YOU. In a strange way, I think you''re CLOSER to what you really want than you were yesterday. You just don''t know it yet.
 
Blueroses,

Even though I haven''t posted on this thread before now, I have been reading it reguarlary, everyone has offered you so much support, there isn''t much to add. I admire your strength, and you must always remember that *you* are your number one priority.

There have been several of us who have left relationships of many years only to later find "the one." I know this will happen for you, and in order for that to happen, you can''t search for it, you have to be happy with yourself and your life and do the things you want, and then someday when you least expect it, the man that is better than the man of your dreams will magically appear.

Take your time to grieve, but also remember that you still have the rest of your life ahead of you. And most importantly, once you settle everything, make this a clean break, its so hard in the beginning, but it makes things so much easier as time goes on.

*hugs* We will always be here for you laugh and cry with.
 
Date: 6/21/2006 8:10:17 PM
Author: decodelighted
Date: 6/21/2006 6:51:16 PM

Author: FireGoddess

Blueroses your intelligence and humor and beautiful spirit always come through in your posts. You are one of my favorite people here!
Click to expand...

DITTO & **HUGS** like I've never cyber-hugged before!

Girl, you are a special soul.

In a strange way, I think you're CLOSER to what you really want than you were yesterday. You just don't know it yet.
Click to expand...

Ditto to all this!

Scintillating...
 
oh blueroses - I have been following your saga since you joined PS way back when, and from all the stuff that you''ve said, I know that this is the right thing to do - for YOU.

It is always the hardest to walk away from someone you love, but don''t compromise what you truly deserve in life...


Big hugs.
 
Quite simply put....I have no doubt great things will come ...because you are a great person who is staying true to herself and you deserve only the best.
 
blueroses - Your strength and courage are so admirable! I''m sure I wouldn''t be able to handle this as well as you.

About the "starting over" thing... Maybe you shouldn''t see it as starting over. When I started college three semesters ago, there was nothing is the world I wanted more than to be at the college I was attending. However, I soon saw that this wasn''t the place for me. I could have stayed; I could have convinced myself to "suck it up" and though it out, it would have been easier. And I almost did. But I stopped myself and decided that I would do what really is best for myself, and I realised that leaving this place and transferring to a local college was what I needed to to.

At first I was frustrated; I''d tell myself I''d lost two years of my life and it sucked and now I was behind everyone. And then I came to see that it hasn''t been in vain at all. I''ve seen new places, done new things, met new people. Above all, J and I wouldn''t be where we are now if I hadn''t gone. We grew up, and the experience made us stronger. They say that "what doesn''t kill us makes us stronger", right? Well, it''s true. So, instead of seeing it as "starting over" like I did at first, I see it as "moving forward". And I learned last week that I got 30 credits out of 39 for my transfer, so I should be done in two years instead of three; so it''s really just moving forward...

So, good luck moving forward, my dear blueroses, and who knows what will happen tomorrow? Maybe you have all the "credits" you need already for your dreams to finally come true. Hope this helps a little...

I wouldn''t be comfortable with taking the decision about taking you off the List. I will not do so without your expressed invitation (unless you disappear for six months, and I really hope you won''t!).
 
Blueroses, I agree with anchor, you're moving forward, not starting over. I obviously don't know what your relationship with him holds, if it will change, or if it won't, but I am confident that you will find happiness one way or another. Stay as strong as you have been and true to yourself. Many hugs and well wishes are being sent your way.
 
Ah hon. I ventured out to find out what was going on with you. I can (actually) feel your pain and partially understand some of what you are going through. I haven''t been with K for 10 years, but understand the feelings of wanting to compromise for him and realizing then you wouldn''t be happy. I have nothing much to offer you right now other than the knowledge that you have been a tremendous help to me right now. Your posts and your sotry has given me strength. Knowing that if you can/have gone through all of this so can I no matter the outcome. *HUGS*
 
Blue, I think the chapter is not finished for both of you yet. Fate has a funny way of doing things, and perhaps, like you said, maybe really "losing" you will help him find his way back, on the right terms. You seem, from all I have gotten to know here, to be a fantastically grounded, bright and warm woman, lovely inside and out. I am sure his is a great man, too, or you would not likely have spent 10 years with him. I think nothing is ever a waste and we grow and learn from all our experiences, even if it takes awhile to see how. I think, in my heart, that maybe this happened for a reason, and if you want it, I hope he comes back to you with a clean slate and really embraces ALL of the things that are important to you. Be that as it may, of course you are going to be sad and need to process that...and I agree with Fisher that those who know you in the non PS world must be very lucky indeed. I think it will all turn out the way it should...be strong now in the meantime... (((hugs))) and :) :) to you now...
 
Blue -- HUGS!!!! What is up with men?!? I''ve heard waaay too many heartbreaking stories about clueless and commitment-phobe guys who just let a wonderful woman leave. I''m SO sorry that your BF has such issues and that they''ve had such an effect on your own life. It''s just not fair. And I know your heart must be breaking in two. But you know, you gave it your all and you gave it years of your life....even went through therapy together and there''s not much more you can do than that. You didn''t give up on this guy until you knew you could give no more, and that means that you are probably making the right decision right now.

I can tell how strong you are, and even though this hurts like a mother----, it will pass and what is meant to happen will happen, whether it''s with BF or someone else. All I can say is thank goodness this happened now instead of after a wedding. And consider this -- now you can make yourself free and available to meet your "real" life partner, the man who deserves you and would die before letting a treasure like you walk away!

In the meantime, please take good care and be sure to have some good quality time alone with yourself and lots of girly time with your lady friends. Go dancing, go to a fancy afternoon tea with the girls this weekend, and buy yourself some sassy red stilettos or something! Lots of hugs to you!
 
Aw Blue...

I normally always have something to say (as evidenced by some of my posts on PS). But in your case I didn''t know what to say and just sat here with my fingers crossed tightly for you. I guess I didn''t cross them tight enough.
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I will second, third, a hundred, the sentiment here that you are a wonderful soul and a strong woman. I don''t know what the future holds, but I DO know that a smart, gorgeous woman like yourself will get what she wants and deserves. I''ll just sit here and cross my fingers and TOES AND EYES this time that you will not go through too much more pain in order to figure out what path you wish to take.

P.S. please keep us posted on your progress...I can only cross my eyes for so long. Bad for the career.
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*HUGS*
 
Oh Blue....things happen for a reason, as painful and cruel and difficult to understand as they may be at the time, but sometimes a break is in order for things to happen as they are meant to - I truly believe that. Grieve and be good to yourself and when you are ready, go on with life and see what wonderful things come of it, whether it is being reunited with your old love or finding a new one. Hugs to you - I was worried about you!
 
Im really sorry to hear that Blueroses-I was hoping the news would be of the other kind. Be strong and enjoy your break. I think it might take losing you to realise how much he wants to be with you
 
Blueroses,
I''m so sorry to hear the way things have worked out. I know you will pull through with beauty & grace and that things will eventually work out the way they were intended.

Big Hugs & know you will always find support here! Good luck on the road this summer - please be sure to check in when you can.
 
Just for old time's sake.....

Happy Birthday to you
Your poodle is blue
You're one of our favorite
L-I-W
Of course one day late, Happy 32nd Birthday Amanda!!!
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Without repeating many of the sage comments of the other PSers - I'm sorry.

It'll be a fine line finding closure on the relationship while still wondering if losing you is what he needs to win you. I know what you want(ed) and if that's what's meant to be then I hope your bud doesn't take too long to figure it out.

Either way, if fate chooses you together or apart, right now the closure is a tough time and I'm sending you as much strength that will reach the west coast as will possibly reach you. I'm glad to hear you're getting away in about a week. At least it will keep you from too much idle time. Until those next 10 days have passed, remember that I, along with many people here and many friends at home, are all pulling for you to gracefully progress to that next stage. I know you'll be fine. Here's some love to help get you there just a wee bit faster
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Oh and just to add a little humor, at least you didn't get another heart shaped silver T&Co necklace from him. (Did you?
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)
 
Blue -- I hope it''s some small comfort that "strangers" from around the world are encircling you in a cyber hug.

As mentioned, you must be in a world of hurt. We all wish we could take a little of the pain from you.

Hugs,
Jackie
 
Blue, I know it''s hard to face that something just wasn''t meant to be. Just consider this a learning experiance for your future relationships. We all learn from every experiance in life. Your soulmate is still out there waiting for you.
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Blue-
i don''t know what to say - it sucks. But I know you will get through this - and you will be an even stronger lady - and if it is meant to be it will be.

I don''t want to post my war stories - but just know that I''ve been there and my heart goes out to you. Please PLEASE stick around and keep us gals company!! You are definitely still a LIW

HUGS!!!!
 
Blue not only are you still an LIW but a very important member of PS - I know many others will agree with me! You would be so missed if you weren''t here
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Blueroses~I don''t have much of anything new to add. I was hoping you took a brief hiatus from PS to rekindle your relationship after the reunion. I''m so sorry to hear I was wrong.
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All I can do is reiterate that you are a beautiful person and you can get through this...In my opinion you have been a pillar of strength through all of this. What''s meant to be will find a way, and if your boyfriend doesn''t find his way back to you, someone spectacular will. I truly mean that. We only ''cyber'' know you but we all love you, and please stay!
Lots of love from Chicago,
Megan xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
 
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