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Calling all the Pregnant PS''ers

Date: 10/14/2008 3:10:49 PM
Author: Independent Gal

As T'Gal indicates, losing a baby at 21 or 22 weeks is pretty awful, but I'm sure it's nowhere remotely near as awful as losing a child, and that's got to change your perspective.

At this point, I'd give a limb (or uterus) if it meant the cubs would live, but I probably wouldn't give a limb if it meant the cubs had a 5% chance of living.

No doubt that would change if they were children, and not fetuses.
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Okay, in the "gallows humor" category, I find the idea of deciding what parts of the body you would sacrifice to save a fetus/child at what stage of development quite humorous. I agree, at this point arm or uterus or leg to guarantee life, but not for a 5% chance. Being at the same stage as you, Indy, I can't help but try to imagine exactly how I would feel in your situation, and I think it would be terrible and aweful and I would cry a lot and make some kind of memorial box or jewelry and take a trip etc, but I do think I would get over it and move on, and I think you will too honey. I think we share many life views, and I just know you are resilient and will persevere.

SBDE nice belly girl! You look awesome! I cannot believe how nice and round and pronounced your belly is only 6 weeks ahead of me. I know a lot of growing happens between 20 and 26 weeks, but I am not sure I will have such a nice bump even at that point!

General baby bump comments: I have been comparing a lot of baby bumps lately and I am amazed at the wide range and variety is sizes and shapes. In my first trimester I kept eagerly awaiting my nice little cute bump like so many women have, like Blenheim for example (at only 14 weeks no less), but alas that is not for me. My bump is expanding equally from the top of my stomach until the pelvic bones, and so I have a loooong gently sloping bump that honestly looks much more like I am overweight than preggo! I think it is because I am tall and big-boned and I have strong abdominal muscles and have a leeetle exta padding on my stomach, it all conspires to keep my uterus under wraps. I can feel my uterus quite clearly, it is juuust below my belly button, and things are getting bigger, no doubt. I have the start of the linea nigra too! But seriously, how can a "large banana" sized fetus be all squished inside me without a real good bump?? To me and DH and my close friends who know what I normally look like (nice hourglass shape), I am clearly preggo. But to the rest of the world I think they only think to themselves, "Is she?? Maybe..." I have seen many women with larger stomachs than myself who are not pregnant at all
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! I am not saying this as a means of garnering lots of compliments from you guys, just commenting on what I have seen and lamenting the fact that I have not been blessed yet with the cute baby belly... I think when I am 30 weeks it will be obvious
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HA! Famous last words. I'll post some pictures tonight so you can see what I'm talking about...

20w2d
 
Mela, I love that you guys feel energy from the uterus, it is definitely more engorged in blood and there's lots of action going on in that area so all kinds of interesting things happen right from day one. It really can't be the baby movemets specifically that you feel (he/she is the size of an olive... yum!), but I totally think that you feel more energy focus and sensations even that early. And more gas
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LOL!! Where's the belly shot?
 
SBDE -- great belly shot!!!

Pandora -- SOOOOOO glad you found your e-ring!! I could use a few of those "fiding" vibes myself ;)

Kay -- wow, so you should have a baby by monday???? did i read that right? I am SO excited for you! I still hope you dialate too... don''t give up hope just yet ;)

Blen -- forgot to mention in my last post that your belly is just adorable -- oh i would love to have your frame!

Indy -- wow, I''m with the others on this one -- there''s just too big of a what-if factor to induce *unless* you yourself are at risk. I know I would save myself if my *life* was at risk b/c i have other kids, and they would have to come first. But if there''s no real concern (which i am still boggled as to why there''s a risk), I''d try to wait it out and keep praying for a miracle. The NICU at my hospital is proud of having 23-week survivors, so I keep praying your cubs might make it...

my appt today was again uneventful... marina''s still head-down, sophie''s still transverse and I''m still only 1cm. *MAYBE* a bit thinner, but as he said, "no real significant change." I thought this would be my last office visit, but he still wants to see me next tuesday. Our game-plan at this point: he still feels strongly about NOT inducing me b/c of the risks of the meds and my previous section and b/c of how distended my uterus is (he''s worried about uterus rupture, which I admit I kind of am too now that I am SO big). So the only real was to "induce" is for him to break my water, which he is willing to do as long as he can get to it (he could NOT have gotten to it today he said, but he seems hopeful about next week...). Of course, if that doesn''t kick my body into gear, then we will end up with a section. I am scheduled to go in next Wednesday morning for this, so either way, I should have babies by Wednesday PM. I can''t believe that all of these strong contractions ae doing NOTHING!!!! I''m frustrated, but excited at the same time -- I can''t wait to meet my little girls
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jen
36w 6d
 
thanks for the compliments DD, jen!

i do think every woman carries SO differently...my belly shows much more when i wear non maternity shirts (like the tank i have on in my picture) but not so much in loose maternity shirts. i totally get what you are feeling though, i was at the point where all i wanted was for my belly to start showing so that i didn't look like i had a pooch but that i was preggo.

for a long while i just looked chunky as well and then sort of popped about a month ago. before that it was almost like i had 2 little pooches, one above my belly button and one below - hang in there, you will hopefully pop soon! can't wait to see your picture tonight.
 
oh jen...you are in the home stretch now, so i can imagine how long one more week sounds but who knows, things may progress more quickly than you think!
 
Date: 10/14/2008 4:31:07 PM
Author: sbde

for a long while i just looked chunky as well and then sort of popped about a month ago. before that it was almost like i had 2 little pooches, one above my belly button and one below - hang in there, you will hopefully pop soon! can''t wait to see your picture tonight.
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That''s where I am at... the double belly! LOL! I am hoping it will go away when the uterus gets above my belly button, which should be any time now!
 
Believe me, guys, nothing would induce me to induce without serious evidence of serious impending harm! No chance! No way!

SBDE, you look fabulous, and I love your shirt. What a cheerful colour.

DD, I love the image of the floating, rising uterus. For some reason, that's one that seems kind of funny to me. And speaking of body part humor, body part math definitely has a certain something about it, doesn't it? And I agree with you. This is an event in my life, but NOT a life defining event. Not at 21 weeks. Yes, it is horrible, but it is not the end of the world. I'm kind of glad you said that, because part of me feels like maybe I'm not upset enough? I mean, I'm plenty upset. But truthfully, I don't feel like this is going to be something I never get over. Never forget about, sure. Often feel sad about, probably. But I don't think it will change me, except for making me appreciate children all the more.

I feel like everyone around me expects me to be completely devastated, whereas what I feel is more like very, very sad, but accepting. Does that make sense? Especially because there's nothing to be done about it.

Jen, tell your girls they need to come out so I have some cheerful pictures to look at!

Mela, that's awesome that you guys are bonding with the belly! Shouldn't it be graduating from embryo to fetus sometime around now? That is a cool moment. The moment of being mostly formed.
 
Date: 10/14/2008 5:25:53 PM
Author: Independent Gal
...I''m kind of glad you said that, because part of me feels like maybe I''m not upset enough? I mean, I''m plenty upset. But truthfully, I don''t feel like this is going to be something I never get over. Never forget about, sure. Often feel sad about, probably. But I don''t think it will change me, except for making me appreciate children all the more.

I feel like everyone around me expects me to be completely devastated, whereas what I feel is more like very, very sad, but accepting. Does that make sense? Especially because there''s nothing to be done about it...
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I think it makes totaly sense. Obviously, I can''t know what I would feel in your place, I can only imagine it, and given that I am also 20 weeks it makes it perhaps easier to imagine than I could when I was not pregnant. And when I try to imagine it, I think it would feel *for me* kind of like you are describing. I too think there is no use railing against the inevitable. But everyone is different and everybpdy responds so differently to terrible experiences. One thing you may find interesting is that research suggests that people overestimate both how happy positive events will make them and how unhappy negative events will make them. Basically, we have a tremendous "psychological immune system" that helps us to cope and heal after terrible things happen to us. Most of the time we are totally unaware of the functioning of this system (a phenomenon called immune neglect) and that''s why we tend to think we will be more affected by negative events than we actually are. Of course, individuals also very in how emotionally labile they are, and how reactive they are to specific events, and also in how strong their psychological immune systems are, so there is a wide range in emotional reactions to horrible experiences in life. From what you have written regarding your philosophies about life and crappy times and coping with negative events, it sounds like you are a somewhat zen type, with a strong psychological immune system, so your boat isn''t being rocked as hard as someone else''s may be. But all experiences and feelings are valid. Your feelings of sadness will change from day to day and moment to moment. Other people around you are probably taking the safe route and assuming you are extremely upset, so that they treat you with the right amount of care and consideration, and they are also showing their affection and concern for you with the depths of their own emotions. Feel whatever you want and try not to feel guilty, that''s what the grief counsellor will say to you.
 
DD, what would PS be without you, you fountain of knowledge and wisdom you?
 
Date: 10/14/2008 6:36:39 PM
Author: Independent Gal
DD, what would PS be without you, you fountain of knowledge and wisdom you?
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Wow, thanks, and also Ha! I am showing this comment to my husband, I have been telling him about my fount of knowledge and widom for years and he doesn''t seem to accept it yet
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Hi ladies! I never made it over to this thread before I had my baby (who is now almost 8 months old--time flies) but I wandered over here because sometimes I miss being pregnant (sounds perverse, right?)
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Anyway, I''m a little sad that I missed out on such a supportive, positive environment.

Indy--your strength is amazing. You sound like such a positive person and I am truly amazed at your attitude and acceptance about the situation. I agree that this will be a time that you never forget and shed an occasional tear over, but it will not define you. You will go on and be an even more fabulous mother because of this experience.

NF--I was never on bed rest, but I''ve found that learning something new keeps the boredom at bay. I''ve learned to use photoshop and illustrator and the other adobe programs during boring periods at work. I also learned to crochet and made a baby blanket.

And just to contribute to the general morale, here is a picture of the light of my life
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CIMG1725.jpg
 
Thanks for all of the belly/knitting compliments!

DD, I''m 5''10.5", so I was expecting to carry like it sounds like you are. Most tall women I talk to say that their belly gains a little bit all over and that it''s not that obvious to most people until pretty late. I have a friend (my height) who''s due in December and says that she could still hide it if she wanted to. (I haven''t seen her in person for years, so I can''t judge that for myself.) But all of my extra belly is pretty low. I''m looking forward to seeing your picture.

The speculation at work today is twin boys. Apparently, I look too big to be 14w5d and carrying a singleton. (One woman guessed I was 20 weeks along.) And I''m feeling too good to be carrying a girl. We''ll see. My fundal height is where it should be, by the way.

Hubby''s finally willing to start talking about names. I don''t think that we''re going to commit to anything until after the birth. I mean, committing to just one boys name and one girls name. It''s a surprise, so we wouldn''t commit to a single name. He''s agreed to Henry, Charles, and Vivian as possiblities. But not my beloved Beatrice or Virginia.

MissPinky - how adorable!

Sbde - cute belly!

Jen - hope you have your girls soon! Have you tried sex, castor oil, all of that stuff? And of course, baking?

Indy - I really admire your attitude about everything. I hope you get answers to those questions - I was wondering that as well. I''d be inclined to wait, just in case they have a chance.

Lisa - Olivia is adorable.
 
Blen If it''s any reassurance that you aren''t having twin boys, I am having twin boys and felt HORRIBLE for the first 14 weeks or so.
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I dunno if anyone''s around at this hour, but i thought i''d take my chances and hopefully get a second opinion... contrax have really picked up since this afternoon (maybe b/c of the exam?) and for a while i had a bad attitude about it since none of the others have made any progress, but now i can''t ignore
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Since 7:47, they have been 3 minutes apart, with only a couple 4 minute exceptions. Probably more regular than any i ever had in *real* labor, honestly. And yes, they hurt like hell (and A LOT more than earlier). Soooooooo.... do I go to L&D and hope we''re onto something, or ride it out for a while longer (these aren''t the kind i''ll be able to sleep through)? Opinions? I feel silly for asking, but i just am having a hard time trusting my own judgement right now -- plus i do not have the highest pain threshold in the world...what would you do? (ps my water''s never broken before, so i can''t count on that as a sign)
thanks in advance!
jen
 
Date: 10/14/2008 10:33:33 PM
Author: sk8rjen
I dunno if anyone's around at this hour, but i thought i'd take my chances and hopefully get a second opinion... contrax have really picked up since this afternoon (maybe b/c of the exam?) and for a while i had a bad attitude about it since none of the others have made any progress, but now i can't ignore
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Since 7:47, they have been 3 minutes apart, with only a couple 4 minute exceptions. Probably more regular than any i ever had in *real* labor, honestly. And yes, they hurt like hell (and A LOT more than earlier). Soooooooo.... do I go to L&D and hope we're onto something, or ride it out for a while longer (these aren't the kind i'll be able to sleep through)? Opinions? I feel silly for asking, but i just am having a hard time trusting my own judgement right now -- plus i do not have the highest pain threshold in the world...what would you do? (ps my water's never broken before, so i can't count on that as a sign)

thanks in advance!

jen
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Ohhhh I think you should go! I went when my contractions were 2-3 minutes apart consistently for 2 hours. My water hadn't broken yet and my daughter was born 5 hours later. Good luck! Hopefully we'll see your beautiful babies soon
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ETA: At the very least, call the L&D triage unit and get their opinion.
 
I''m here Jen!!! Lol, I am always here!

Anyway...I personally would go based on what you''ve said (esp. the hurting more than earlier) and the fact that twin deliveries are riskier, so I''d rather go and have the babes on monitors, get the epi, etc. You''ve had a few kids before and I haven''t so take that with a grain of salt, but at the same time this labor could progress fast because it isn''t your first...

And a big YAYYYYYYYYYYYYY in case this is it!!!!!
 
My first instinct is to say stay at home as long as you can, since rates of intervention are lower the less time a woman spends in the hospital (go figure
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), but NF may be right about not taking chances with twins... maybe a happy medium
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...wait another hour or so? Are you still able to laugh and smile and make jokes? That was my midwife's rule of thumb: When it gets too bad to be "happy" then it's active labour! LOL! How far are you from the hospital? If it's only a short distance, I'd be even more inclined to stay home...

Can't wait for an update!!

ETA this is a rough time to start active labour... after a full day without sleep... so go easy on yourself in that case and get whatever rest you can!
 
Thanks guys! It''s easy to sit here and second guess -- esp since i had a check up today. They''re still going strong, and even w/2 convincing false labors so far, these are worse than those, so i guess that''s a good sign. I''m just past the 2 hour mark, so maybe i''ll watch tv for a few more and then decide.... my mom is only a couple of minutes away (to come take cae of the boys) and the hospital was a 15 mintue drive this morning (seems closer actually), so very close... and as far as laughing/joking, not *during* these contrax, are you kidding? ;) In between, yes, but it''s cuz i feel like i should know this stuff by now!
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jen
 
Date: 10/14/2008 10:57:15 PM
Author: sk8rjen
Thanks guys! It''s easy to sit here and second guess -- esp since i had a check up today. They''re still going strong, and even w/2 convincing false labors so far, these are worse than those, so i guess that''s a good sign. I''m just past the 2 hour mark, so maybe i''ll watch tv for a few more and then decide.... my mom is only a couple of minutes away (to come take cae of the boys) and the hospital was a 15 mintue drive this morning (seems closer actually), so very close... and as far as laughing/joking, not *during* these contrax, are you kidding? ;) In between, yes, but it''s cuz i feel like i should know this stuff by now!
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jen
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Hmmm... I think you are still too happy for it to be FULL ON active labour
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LOL!! Sounds like it will happen sometime in the next little bit though, how exciting! Can''t wait for an update!
 
Indy,
I just wanted to let you know how very sorry I am. I''ve kept you, your husband and your baby boys in my prayers everyday! I believe in miracles and you have gone beyond expectations so who knows what the future will hold? With the advances in medical science it is possible that 22 weekers could survive. It won''t be an easy road but nothing worth fighting for ever is. As far as risk of infection because of being dilated, I was dilated 2.5 cm for 6 weeks before being induced at 42 weeks and 1 day with my 1st son and my doctors never mentioned a risk of infection. Same thing with my 2nd son. Maybe your doctors think they''re helping you by inducing so it will be over?
Hang in there Indy, I''m pulling for you and those babies!
 
Nothing would make me happier than to be in agonizing labor pain right now, DD!
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I mean, I''m 52" around, can you imagine???! That said, contrax are now jumping back and forth between 3 and *2* minutes, not the othe way around. So far so good...
jen
 
OK, my mom is here and I''m leaving... guess it won''t hurt to go get checked out... still going strong...

jen
(CROSS YOUR FINGERS!!!!!)
 
Just popping in to say-

Blenheim: LOVE your baby name choices! If we have a boy, we're naming him Henry. Charles is also a classic- I love the nickname Charlie.
 
GO JEN GO! Hope this is the real deal for you darling!
 
Go jen go! Crossing my fingers for you! Can''t wait for an update and hope you''re holding your girls soon!
 
Ooh Jen! Hope to see you on the mommy thread soon!!!
 
Indy, when I was at L&D at 4 cm dilated and not in active labor, my MW and nurse said that it''s possible for a woman to walk around weeks at 4 cm dilated. It''s not common but can happen. It''s my understanding that unless your water is broken, there''s no risk of infection. I''m still hoping for a miracle for you so I would hold off inducing.
 
Indy,

I''m still praying, girl! And I hope your Dr. visit today shows no changes in your dilation.

Keep on taking care of yourself; you''ve done a remarkable job thus far!!

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Jen,

Yay! Baby time is here!

52 inches is a lot of baby, they''re bound to be healthy little things!!

Can''t wait for your news, sweetie!!

And when you are able to post, please tell us just how in love your boys are with these precious girls. I''ve been thinking about the boys and how much fun they''ll have with little sisters to protect (and sometimes torment, but that''s all part of the big brother role, so my brother tells me).

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Yay Jen! I hope this is really it for you.
 
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