Contributing $$ towards BM dresses... Have/Will/Did you?

[Clairitek]

I have been asked to be in or already stood up in 3 wedding of close friends. One had us pay for our dresses but they were only $120 and my mother did my alterations. The second was going to pay for our dresses (wedding was canceled and rescheduled recently for date when I will be out of the country) but mostly because the majority of the wedding party was going to be in a tough situation financially. They were going to be making about twice what the 5 of us combined would be making at the time of the wedding so shelling out for our dresses wasn''t tough. The last one has not offered to pay for any of our dresses and they ones we''ve chosen are around $200. There is a chance I''d wear the dress again or that the bride would buy mine from me because she really loves the dress.

I will probably end up footing the bill for most of my two MOHs stuff. I don''t think that they will be in a position to pay for stuff (one will be working on getting her career up and running and the other will still be in school). The other 3 are all currently gainfully employed. I''m hoping that since our wedding will most likely be in my home town (the same hometown as my two MOHs) we can help out with lodging by using my parents house.

To answer your question- I think that offering to contribute some money towards the purchase of the dresses is a wonderful idea. I think that I would prefer that to a gift. The dresses you chose are beautiful!

 

[MsSassy]

Date: 12/23/2008 12:08:13 PM
Author: Haven


MsSassy--It''s interesting what you say about Asian vs. Caucasian brides, because both of the brides that had me pay for my attire AND my hair and makeup were Asian friends. I wonder if it''s a regional thing rather than an ethnic thing.

hum thats interesting, maybe it is regional then. Were they american born asian? I would think this would be more of a commonailty among asian families that have become americanized since its more of an americanized tradition (which goes along with the whole american wedding thing). Or maybe just depending on the type of asian? All of my friends are predominately vietnamese and ive noticed the that bride/groom always pay for the bridal party. i dunno. i really just think its the trend that occurs in the circle you run with

 

[Jenna51580gr]

I think you should use the $50 to do alternations or buy matching shoes for the bridemaid dress. I honestly think the dress is lovely, a little pricey and most likely won''t be able to wear again. However I think I read that you offered to pay for their hair, make-up and nails so than it is okay to choose an expensive bm dress as long as other expenses are small. I always figure that when someone asks me to be in Wedding I allocate around 500 and whatever is left over from that amount I usually add the gift I was giving them for their wedding.

 

[Gypsy]

We only had two attendants. One was FI's nephew, and we did pay for his tux rental and also got him a gift. My MOH paid for her dress, which she picked out herself and was $120 (black cocktail length dress) though, but I paid for her hair and makeup. Her makeup was also her present because I gave her money to buy whatever she wanted at Nordstroms (and they applied it for her). I was going to get her another gift, some jewelry to wear or her hotel, but she stayed with me, and wore jewelry she borrowed from a family member of mine as we ended up not having time to go shopping for accessories for her (or for anything else). She was adamant I not get her anything else.

I would take the 50 dollars and buy their jewelry, shoes, or something else. The dress is lovely, but it is pricey (I think).

 

[Nocturnius]

This is like the "cash bar: tacky or not tacky?" question.

It depends on where you live, what culture you live in, what kind of family and friends circle you have, and how much money you have.

I did not technically pay or contribute money to either of my girls' attire. I say "technically" because we had a little mishap along the way.

One bridesmaid ordered her dress right off the bat, when my colors were pink and black. However, I changed the colors to red and black, and she was unable to change the dress order. She had put down a 50% deposit on the dress, which was in pink and thus had no hope of fitting in the new scheme. She cancelled the order and I paid the 50% deposit, as I was the one who had changed the dress. I also paid the rush fee for the new dress, since had I not changed my mind, the dress would have arrived in plenty of time.

My other bridesmaid, however, chose not to order her dress until five weeks before the wedding. I did not feel that it was my responsibility to pay for the rush fee for this, as SHE decided not to order it until then (and she had to pay for DOUBLE rush).

I did not pay for their shoes, either, because they chose whatever they wanted. My sister did their hair and makeup, so they did not pay for that. I also was running all over hell and high water picking things up for them (I picked up both dresses and their shoes, and had to pay out of pocket to do so. They paid me back at the rehearsal.)

Their dresses also were only $120, however.

And if I were a bridesmaid, I would far more appreciate a personal gift from the bride ("trivial" or not) than money to pay for attire I will pitch in the back of my closet after the day is over. But that's me.

 

[Haven]

Date: 12/25/2008 10:52:29 PM
Author: MsSassy

Date: 12/23/2008 12:08:13 PM

Author: Haven

MsSassy--It''s interesting what you say about Asian vs. Caucasian brides, because both of the brides that had me pay for my attire AND my hair and makeup were Asian friends. I wonder if it''s a regional thing rather than an ethnic thing.

hum thats interesting, maybe it is regional then. Were they american born asian? I would think this would be more of a commonailty among asian families that have become americanized since its more of an americanized tradition (which goes along with the whole american wedding thing). Or maybe just depending on the type of asian? All of my friends are predominately vietnamese and ive noticed the that bride/groom always pay for the bridal party. i dunno. i really just think its the trend that occurs in the circle you run with

It is interesting how different social circles operate, isn''t it?

My friends are Filipino and Korean. We''re all a bit older than your average bride, though, and we''re all well-to-do professionals who own homes and whatnot. I wonder if it would have been different if we married younger, or didn''t have disposable income, etc. I bet my friends would have been far less extravagant in their choices had they married younger, too.

 

[MsSassy]

Date: 12/29/2008 5:03:07 PM
Author: Haven

Date: 12/25/2008 10:52:29 PM
Author: MsSassy

Date: 12/23/2008 12:08:13 PM

Author: Haven

MsSassy--It''s interesting what you say about Asian vs. Caucasian brides, because both of the brides that had me pay for my attire AND my hair and makeup were Asian friends. I wonder if it''s a regional thing rather than an ethnic thing.

hum thats interesting, maybe it is regional then. Were they american born asian? I would think this would be more of a commonailty among asian families that have become americanized since its more of an americanized tradition (which goes along with the whole american wedding thing). Or maybe just depending on the type of asian? All of my friends are predominately vietnamese and ive noticed the that bride/groom always pay for the bridal party. i dunno. i really just think its the trend that occurs in the circle you run with

It is interesting how different social circles operate, isn''t it?

My friends are Filipino and Korean. We''re all a bit older than your average bride, though, and we''re all well-to-do professionals who own homes and whatnot. I wonder if it would have been different if we married younger, or didn''t have disposable income, etc. I bet my friends would have been far less extravagant in their choices had they married younger, too.

"My friends are Filipino and Korean"- that explains it all...JK =P

we''re actually in the same boat (well depending on your def of "bit older," we''re in our late 20''s early 30''s), professionals, homeowners etc. i wasnt even aware of BM paying their way was a commonality until i came on this board. Its never been the case in my social circle.

 

[Ibiddie]

The one time I was a bridesmaid, the bride''s family bought my dress- but the only other bridesmaid was their other daughter, and they had known me for about eight years at that point. I had thought it was so nice, I decided I wanted to do the same for my BMs.