Dilemma 2 - Would you give an ACA to your SO's mom?

[Jennifer W]

My grandmother worked in a kitchen, and she lost ring after ring after ring. She took them off for things like handling pastry, or anything that involved flour. She wore her original e-ring on a chain round her neck at work, so that would make me think that pendant is a good idea here?

ETA I've worn a pendant most days for years. I haven't had a chain break yet, but I do take them off to check them over for stretched links or whatever. I think it would be ok, but no piece is 100% safe.

 

[Haven]

Kenny, I think it is so very sweet of you to want to give this stone to your SO's mom. I hope you can figure out a way to do it that doesn't ruffle any feathers.

P.S. I would TOTALLY wear a pendant with that baby outfit.

 

[Loves Vintage]

Everyday wear.
Pendants are definitely not cufflink-ish, unless perhaps the pendant is VERY LARGE.

At the risk of appearing to be a pendant-pusher, a pendant is the best choice for someone working in a kitchen. The pendant will be nicely protected at her neck. My first job was in the kitchen at a nursing home. I wouldn't have worn a ring or bracelet, or even a cheap watch there. I was constantly doing dishes, lifting heavy items, using harsh cleansers on surfaces. Lots of places for bracelets to get caught too.

 

[zoebartlett]

I love the pendant idea! It's a thoughtful gift, and one I'm sure your SO's mom would appreciate.

 

[yennyfire]

Kenny, your thoughtfulness brought tears to my eyes (and that's hard to do)! The fact that you thought enough to offer this gift and are also concerned about the feelings of everyone involved speaks volumes about you. Your family and friends are lucky to have you.

I'd go with a RHR. Less symbolic, but something she can always see and admire. I love the idea of a ring with your and SO's birthstones in it. Whatever you do, I'm sure she'll love it and the lovely sentiment behind it.

 

[slg47]

Kenny, I think it is so very sweet of you to want to give this stone to your SO's mom. I hope you can figure out a way to do it that doesn't ruffle any feathers.

P.S. I would TOTALLY wear a pendant with that baby outfit.

Haven you crack me up

I also think a pendant is a great idea! If you do a ring I would suggest a style that is not so engagement-ring-like. Maybe an etoile-style ring? what a lovely gift

 

[E B]

While a pendant is the more practical choice, I'd go RHR in this case. She'd be able to admire it more if she keeps her rings on in the kitchen, or during her time off/at home.

 

[Circe]

Now you have me wondering . . . when/how/where do women wear diamond pendants?
Is it something some gals just leave on permanently like a ring?
Are they like men's cufflinks, only worn for very formal fancy occasions like weddings or uber fancy restaurants?

Dont' chains break and lose pendants?

Keeping in mind the socio-economic status of the recipient, who works with her hands in a kitchen . . . would a ring, bracelet or pendant fit in more?

I wear my pendant pretty much 24/7. I'll take it off to clean it periodically, but that's about it - unless I change my earrings for a metal I don't normally wear, there's no reason to think twice. And that doesn't just go for my current pendant: since I was, oh, 15 or so, I've generally had some necklace that's a fixture on my person.

Now, there are some ladies who don't like to have anything around their necks, which is a personal quirk (and a pretty uncommon one, I think), but excepting that, I'd say a necklace would be the best choice for someone who works with their hands. I take my rings off when I'm cooking, cleaning, silversmithing, or bathing ... so if anything, the pendant is more permanent. Not to mention, it never needs to be resized ....

 

[wannaBMrsH]

Kenny, being latina myself, I can tell you that the first (and only) diamond I was able to buy myself is set in a pendant. I used to take it off only to clean it and to check the chain for kinks or problems. As I had it set in 18K gold bezel, I still have it and still wear it often but not everyday. I think if it was set in platinum to match my e-ring, I would wear it more often.

I think it is an incredible gift that you are offering, but I definitely think the gift should specifically come from BOTH you and your partner. My dad would think it incredibly weird if my husband bought my mother a diamond (in any setting) and even if he allowed her to wear it, it would be very odd that I had nothing to do with it. It would definitely be weirder if it was set like an e-ring. My parents don't have money either and all my dad could afford was a plain gold band when they were married 34 years ago this month. I definitely think it would be insulting to my father's pride if someone who married into the family bought his wife a diamond ring. That said, my father would be way to proud to tell us it offended him. catch-22

My husband and I visited India last year and they have incredible gold jewelry. We bought my mother a 24k gold chain with sterling silver stations and I gave it to her from the both of us. She loves it and loves that people compliment it and ask her who gave it to her. She always responds: My daughter and her husband!

My recommendation is also for a pendant and most importantly that the gift come from the two of you. For example, if the gift comes from only you, no matter how many times you say it's hers to keep, our culture dictates that she has to return the gift if you and your SO break up. I hope that makes sense...

 

[kenny]

Would a 16" standard chain be right?
She is rather a large woman, more to love.

(She's going to kill me if she ever sees this thread.)

 

[Jennifer W]

Kenny, unless you have a very slender neck, 16' may be a little short to be comfortable. It depends where you like a pendant to sit, but I prefer 18 or even 20 inches. One option is to get a slider pendant, so you can have a jump-ring at sixteen and eighteen (or twenty) inches and she can wear it at the most comfortable length.

 

[HopeDream]

If she's deeply religious, would she like the diamond set at the centre of a cross pendant? Just a thought.
I'm sure she'll love the diamond! You're so kind!

I echo Jennifer in that 18 or 20 inches would be better.

 

[Circe]

I think 16" might be a little short: my mom is an abundant woman, and she likes hers at 20" to be comfortable around her neck ... though that's a little too short for her to be able to see/admire. I'd vote for 22" is you want her to be able to see it herself, maybe with a jump stations at 19" and 16" (jump station is a little additional ring you can hook the clap through to make the length adjustable).

 

[Circe]

If she's deeply religious, would she like the diamond set at the centre of a cross pendant? Just a thought.
I'm sure she'll love the diamond! You're so kind!

I echo Jennifer in that 18 or 20 inches would be better.

Oh, this is a good idea, if you're comfortable with it.

 

[Amys Bling]

love the pendant idea- I am a small girl-lady-female, haha, sounds weird to say "woman" since i'm 27 but feel 21 lol. Besides the point, I am quite small and wear a 16 inch chain and at times I think it's too short, so I would go with 18 or 20inch.

 

[luv2sparkle]

I love the pendant idea. She wouldn't have to worry about taking it off when she was working. You can get a strong enough chain so breakage wouldn't be a worry. Can't wait to see what you come up with and hear how much she loves it!

 

[Dreamer_D]

Does she wear necklaces? Does she like her neck?

I don't wear necklaces and would not want a pendant becuase I don't like to draw attention to my neck and cleavage.

Can you somehow find out how she feels?

I would love a RHR from my son & son-in-law... I assume you would present the gift as coming from both you and your SO? She can wear in on her RH in an etoile style setting. I would prefer a ring MUCH more than a necklace. So you need to find out what you think she would prefer.

 

[Dreamer_D]

If she's deeply religious, would she like the diamond set at the centre of a cross pendant? Just a thought.
I'm sure she'll love the diamond! You're so kind!

I echo Jennifer in that 18 or 20 inches would be better.

Oh, this is a good idea, if you're comfortable with it.

Actually, this appeals to me a lot for a religious woman. I am not personally religious, but respect others' devotion, and would give such a gift if the occassion arose.

 

[shihtzulover]

This is such a great idea, and I'm sure that she will truly cherish your gift forever. If I were in her shoes, I would probably want either a RHR or a pendant. Would it be possible to maybe gift her with just the diamond and ask her what type of jewelry piece that she would like to set it in, or would it just be much more symbolic and special if it were already a completed project?

 

[kenny]

Here's the whole shebang.
There were also three gourmet chocolate bars; I have no idea where they went.
Thanks so much to Whiteflash.

Next year be sure to got to the PS GTG guys and galz.



The diamond came in a really classy magnetic presentation case.
It looks like the diamond is floating in midair.



It is a beautiful diamond in ANY lighting.

 

[lbbaber]

Beautiful stone, You are a very sweet man Kenny. Your partner is lucky to have you!

I was thinking ring UNTIL you mentioned that she works in a kitchen. Pendant is best. I wear my pendant ALL THE TIME so I have a bezel pendant...it keeps it safer and is beautiful.

And to add, I did the same thing with my 1st ering-a 1ct E Vs1 in a platinum setting with tapered baguettes. I gave it to a sister that would NEVER be able to afford an ering. Long story short, her SOB husband took it from her and pawned it It maks me sick just thinking about it!!

 

[maplefemme]

Kenny this is really so thoughtful of you and really wonderful, it's really heartwarming.

I'd say if you do a pendant that at least 18" - to 20" would be best, 16" is not likely going to fit her. Also if it were 20" she could pick it up and look at it whilst it's on if she wanted to
It's really a stunning stone!

PS> On a side note: your photography is beyond STUNNING, you have a real gift! Could you not do an album in the gallery of all of your diamond pictures, I think it would be incredible!!!

 

[Italiahaircolor]

I think it's wonderful. Giving something like that to someone who will appreciate it is an amazing thing to do.

I like the idea of giving her a ring...but may make it more of a "mothers ring"...you've been with your SO for sometime now, so what about using your birthstone and his as side stone for the ring?

 

[iheartscience]

What a nice thing to do, kenny! If I were you I would ask her what she would prefer. It sounds like a necklace might be the most practical, but if she's always dreamed of a diamond ring of her own, she might prefer that.

Either way, I'm sure she's going to be thrilled!

ETA, WOW, what a gorgeous diamond and presentation box! I'm definitely going to try to come next year and win my own ACA!

 

[Miss Sparkly]

Would a 16" standard chain be right?
She is rather a large woman, more to love.

(She's going to kill me if she ever sees this thread.)

Most larger women I have met, including myself, need 20 to 22 inch chains

 

[tyty333]

Kenny...thought I would put my vote in...I have a BGD .46 in a long pendant (long enough to flip it up and look at it) and I'm
strongly considering moving it to a ring because I really cant enjoy it. If you have very little nice jewelry than I would think
you would want to see it easily and often(ring, ring, ring).

 

[wildcat03]

Another vote for pendant. Parents gave me one for my 21st birthday and I have worn it 300 days/year since. I take it off every couple months to check the chain and take it to the jeweler once a year to have the prongs checked. Other than that, I wear it constantly.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

My first thought was pendant, too. If you go with a ring, just don't get a solitaire. You'd need to know her right hand ring size which might mess up the surprise if she doesn't normally wear a right hand ring. And she definitely should not wear it while cooking. I really think the pendant idea makes more sense. Perhaps a milgrain bezel like mine would be nice! I do think that size stone is better for a pendant than a ring unless you add more stones for the ring.

As many others have said, the ring needs to be from both of you. You two can even tell her that Kenny won the diamond and the two of you bought the setting as a gift for her. That way they don't have to feel like you have given too extravagant of a gift.

 

[kenny]

It will certainly be from both of us.
Actually I thought that went without saying since we've been a couple over 10 years.
Also I'll just tell her the truth that I won it and thought of her.

I see now there are very good arguments for both ring and for pendant, and many people will have a strong preference for one over the other.
Before this thread I had only considered a ring.
Now I'm leaning heavily towards a pendant, but I think we'll give it to her loose in that cool presentation case on her birthday in a couple months and include pics of choices of how we can set it.
All things considered I think letting her decide, though it will have less WOW factor than a finished piece, is best.
Or, maybe well tell her or show her now so the finished piece will be ready for her B-day.

I'll get her an ultrasonic too.
I can't bear the thought of being responsiblie for there being a dirty ACA out there in the world somewhere.
(I'm such a control freak.)

Thanks everyone for helping me examine this from many perspectives.
PS is the perfect forum for that.
Lucky me.

 

[Trekkie]

It will certainly be from both of us.
Actually I thought that went without saying since we've been a couple over 10 years.
Also I'll just tell her the truth that I won it and thought of her.

I see now there are very good arguments for both ring and for pendant, and many people will have a strong preference for one over the other.
Before this thread I had only considered a ring.
Now I'm leaning heavily towards a pendant, but I think we'll give it to her loose in that cool presentation case on her birthday in a couple months and include pics of choices of how we can set it.
All things considered I think letting her decide, though it will have less WOW factor than a finished piece, is best.
Or, maybe well tell her or show her now so the finished piece will be ready for her B-day.

I'll get her an ultrasonic too.
I can't bear the thought of being responsiblie for there being a dirty ACA out there in the world somewhere.
(I'm such a control freak.)

Thanks everyone for helping me examine this from many perspectives.
PS is the perfect forum for that.
Lucky me.

Great idea, Kenny. Even the pictures on their own would be a great gift. You are such a great photographer.

I would like to make a suggestion though: bezel settings.

They're much safer than prongs, you don't have to worry about her forgetting to have the prongs checked, dinging it and losing that beautiful ACA! Besides, it's an ACA, a bezel wouldn't affect light performance.

I look forward to the 'Design ideas requested - how to set my MIL's ACA' thread in RT!