Discrimination at FedEx - apparently not a policy, but still a problematic incident

[Circe]

I''m generally pretty easy-going, but for the first time in my life, I actually want someone fired. Or, at least, severely reprimanded.

My husband generously decided to use a bit of the signing bonus from his new job to buy me a six-month anniversary/new chapter of our lives present - a Signed Pieces eternity band. We were quite happy that it would be delivered in time for his trip abroad. The FedEx tracking page gave a fairly general delivery time or "before 7," so I called to ask if they might be able to give me a tighter window, and that''s when the fun started ....

The agent asked me my name in passing, and I absently replied that I was Circe, but the package was addressed to my husband (let''s call him Odysseus). She said, "You don''t share a name with your husband, ma''am?" Well, no ... but I have the sender''s info., tracking number, delivery address, and I''m just asking for a more specific time of delivery, so ... what''s the problem? Well, the problem appeared to be that she disapproved of my keeping my name. When I pointed out that if I hadn''t specifically brought the difference to her attention, it wouldn''t have been a problem, she went into full on Ma''am-mode, inserting it in every other sentence: then she suggested that I consider being "normal." Yeah. Direct quotation: "Well, MA''AM, we can''t give that information out, MA''AM, because you don''t share a last name with your husband. MA''AM." Another direct quotation. "Maybe you should think about changing your last name, or hyphenating, or something." Because, obviously, the problem here isn''t an antiquated policy that I''m pretty sure FedEx doesn''t even have (I''ve inquired about, and signed for, packages for friends and roommates in the past with no problems): the problem is my weirdness. Which, in this day and age, isn''t really all that weird .... And then when I requested to speak to a manager to discuss this policy - not my specific case, but the policy - with a final "Ma''am," she hung up on me.

Oh, it gets better. Apparently, someone at FedEx arranged for the package to be held at their shipping center instead of being delivered today, in time for him to leave on his trip. We seem to have untangled it sufficiently to have it delivered in the near future, but I''m really very disappointed that he won''t be able to give it to me in person, and I''m furious that this woman apparently went out of her way to "punish" me for not conforming to her worldview. Unfortunately, I didn''t catch her name, so making a direct complaint is going to be tricky (though I am planning to see if there''s any way to track my number through the system based on the time of the call). Everybody else I''ve spoken to at FedEx has been very nice, and the Customer Advocate who I spoke to assured me that it was *not* their policy to discrimate against their customers on the basis of their beliefs ... but that doesn''t really mitigate how I''m feeling now. Aside from my own emotional reaction, I''d bet that this kind of crap discourages a lot of women from following their personal preferences.

In short: ugh.

 

[neatfreak]

That is horrid. I hope you got her name! I cannot believe she would say something like that.

As for the package being held for pickup, I know many jewelers are now being required to do this by their insurance companies. So it might have been Signed Pieces who requested this, not FedEx? Might be worth asking about. Mark @ ERD had to send my package for pickup this last time because he isn't allowed to deliver to home addresses anymore.

 

[VegasAngel]

Oh my goodness, that is terrible. I wish you would have asked to speak to a manager while she was on the line. Hopefully their system, whatever they use, logged her name, employee number or something.

 

[strmrdr]

actually that is partly a policy and holding the package is a policy too.

You triggered a theft/fraud alert and it was held at the station.

There was a scam going on for a while of people calling and having packages paid for with stolen credit card rerouted to another address and or getting the delivery time and intercepting it.
On some delivery options even if you are the addressee in person with ID at the terminal they wont give you any information.

While her comments were uncalled for not giving the information and holding the package is policy.

 

[strmrdr]

btw if they are willing to they can track down who it was based on your telephone number.
It is stored in the system using caller id.
Asking you name was required as part of the order look up screen.
At that point the different name may even have automaticaly triggered the alert without the phone rep doing anything but enter it.

 

[Circe]

Thanks for the support, guys.

Neatfreak - Man, do I wish. If it were SP policy, I wouldn't be feeling quite so singled out by this.

VegasAngel - Thanks. The thing is, I did, twice - she refused to connect me to a supervisor, and then hung up on me.

strmdr - Actually, that's not the case. My husband and I have both talked to them, and there are no alerts on our file at all - it was changed as a preference. Just, you know, not *our* preference. This is coming straight from an agent, a supervisor, and, just for good measure, a Customer Advocate.

 

[strmrdr]

Date: 5/6/2008 3:51:14 PM
Author: Circe


strmdr - Actually, that''s not the case. My husband and I have both talked to them, and there are no alerts on our file at all - it was changed as a preference. Just, you know, not *our* preference. This is coming straight from an agent, a supervisor, and, just for good measure, a Customer Advocate.

wow then they need to track her down.
I am actualy suprised it didnt trigger an alert...
wierd...

 

[Circe]

I guess her disapproval outweighed her professionalism? On, well, multiple counts. I do, though, really appreciate the rational explanations - finding one would make me feel a lot better, because as matters stand, I''m just disappointed/flabbergasted by the pettiness.

 

[strmrdr]

Date: 5/6/2008 3:59:52 PM
Author: Circe
I guess her disapproval outweighed her professionalism? On, well, multiple counts. I do, though, really appreciate the rational explanations - finding one would make me feel a lot better, because as matters stand, I'm just disappointed/flabbergasted by the pettiness.

How I know about the policy is that at my former job I called about a package for the business that was in my bosses name and it triggered the theft/fraud alert and we had to pick it up at the terminal
As I was reading your story and leaving out the rude stuff I was like uhuh that's what happened to me.

They tracked down the phone rep by the calling phone number on a complaint about a rep using a racial slur to one of our clients at my old job so they can do it if they really want to.

 

[VegasAngel]

Date: 5/6/2008 3:51:14 PM
Author: Circe
Thanks for the support, guys.

Neatfreak - Man, do I wish. If it were SP policy, I wouldn't be feeling quite so singled out by this.

VegasAngel - Thanks. The thing is, I did, twice - she refused to connect me to a supervisor, and then hung up on me.

strmdr - Actually, that's not the case. My husband and I have both talked to them, and there are no alerts on our file at all - it was changed as a preference. Just, you know, not *our* preference. This is coming straight from an agent, a supervisor, and, just for good measure, a Customer Advocate.

Oh heck no, the fact that she hung up on you means she knows she was out of line. I would have been furious. There is definitely a way for Fedex to find out who you spoke to, there has to be. If there wasnt, no one at FedEx would be accountable for anything.

 

[ajl]

I hope you (calmly) pursue this with FedEx. I understand about the need for theft control
BUT she was completely out of line.

 

[FrekeChild]

I want her fired too.

 

[Circe]

Date: 5/6/2008 4:09:17 PM
Author: VegasAngel

Date: 5/6/2008 3:51:14 PM

Oh heck no, the fact that she hung up on you means she knows she was out of line. I would have been furious. There is definitely a way for Fedex to find out who you spoke to, there has to be. If there wasnt, no one at FedEx would be accountable for anything.

Exactly. This is all happening at exactly the wrong time for me to pursue it immediately - the husband literally just left, in 5 minutes I have to leave to do a guest lecture for a friend''s class, and I have deadlines coming up, but I''m definitely going to follow up on this: generally, I''d write it off as a case of karma a''coming, but given that she literally added injury to insult by taking the time to alter the file ... yeah, no. And strm, aj!, totally with you on theft control - I''ve had cc companies call me to to verify spending and appreciated it immensely, and I''ve been pretty patient with bureaucracy in general over the course of my lifetime (I have, at various times: been simultaneously an American citizen and an illegal alien, causing my pay to be withheld for six months while Immigration updated their 20 year old records; had university housing attempt to evict me for not paying rent for the address 20 blocks south of me that they''ve had me recorded as occupying; and had a library attempt to stick me with fines to the tune of $5000 bucks because of a glitch in their system), but this is the first time I''ve ever felt it to be the result of malice, as opposed to incompetence.

The awful part is, I feel like the whole thing is tainted because of this SNAFU: I know it''s irrational, but this is *not* what I want to be thinking of every time I see the ring (assuming they actually managed to eventually deliver it). The hubs pointed out that, no matter how it comes about, it is fundamentally something that he got because he wanted to make me happy, which does and will make me happy ... but right now, I''m trying to find a symbolic interpretation that doesn''t make me grit my teeth. An eternity of fighting the patriarchy ... together?

[insert rueful smile here, as I don''t think they make a smiley for that, yet]

 

[gwendolyn]

People need to just mind their own stupid business. Sheesh.

Don''t worry about the ring. I''ll bet anything you guys grumble a bit as you pick it up and open it up, but once you see it, you''ll forget all about that petty woman and you''ll just think of how lucky the two of you are that you have each other, regardless of what your last names are.

 

[MoonWater]

Oh my stars! My blood started boiling as I read this post! Are you bleeping kidding me?!?!?! I would hunt her down!!!

 

[movie zombie]

i, too, do not share my hubby''s last name: and i''ve NEVER encountered a situation with fedex or anyone else for that matter like you''ve described. HUNT HER DOWN!

movie zombie

 

[rainydaze]

yikes!!

 

[scarleta]

Circe it was horrible especially that she did not let you speak to the manager to discuss your concerns.She may have been new or perhaps received no proper training to do her job properly.To even suggest to you to consider being normal is very rude indeed.So sorry you had to be put in this terrible situation.
Please don''t let it spoil your day and a wonderful gift..

 

[Circe]

Date: 5/6/2008 4:57:59 PM
Author: gwendolyn
People need to just mind their own stupid business. Sheesh.

Don't worry about the ring. I'll bet anything you guys grumble a bit as you pick it up and open it up, but once you see it, you'll forget all about that petty woman and you'll just think of how lucky the two of you are that you have each other, regardless of what your last names are.

Heheheh - very true. My perfect world is full of non-judgmentalism. This one? Weeeeeeeeell ....

Thank you for the support, all of you, and thanks Gwendolyn and Scarleta for the good thoughts re: togetherness: the thing that makes this sting is that Odysseus (the name is now frighteningly appropriate) just took a job in Houston, and we're going back to long distance as of today. He's away for 2 weeks to see family (no vacation time in the first year), back for 4 days at the end of the month, off for a 3 week training course, back for two weeks to move me closer to the university, and after that, I only see him on weekends. I'm definitely very lucky to have him ... but the mushy "new chapter" thing in the first post was in reference to that. The anniversary was fabulous regardless of gifts: just, symbolically, it really would have been lovely to have had him here to give it to me as a gift, as opposed to opening it up by my lonesome.

 

[iheartscience]

That is beyond rude and obnoxious. I would absolutely have her tracked down. A lot of call center places record their calls, so FedEx might be able to listen to her. So offensive. Get her fired!

 

[Independent Gal]

Wow. That would seriously SERIOUSLY piss me off.

 

[Dee*Jay]

Circe, that''s terrible! And I do totally know where you''re coming from. I also didn''t change my name, and although I''ve never had anyone treat me quite like the Fed Ex people, I do encounter some "passive resistance." For instance, a lot of people who KNOW that I kept my last name insist on sending us mail addressed to Mr. and Mrs. John Smith, or when it''s to me alone it comes to Susie Smith. I just want to scream, OK, people, ONE MORE TIME, *my*name*ain''t*smith.

When we tried to convert my husband''s membership to a "family plan" at our local gym they did make us bring in a copy of our ORIGINAL marriage license though. They said that a lot of people try to scam them by saying they are married to get the reduced rate so with different last names that is their policy. Sheesh.

 

[ajl]

I get a lot of the same passive resistance as Dee*Jay. As if changing my name was something I forgot to do and maybe their calling me "Mrs. Smith" will jog my memory. "Ooops I knew I forgot something and it was changing my name." I had someone even try and hyphenate it for me once. And I had one friend tell me she did it out of sheer laziness- she just didn''t want to spend the extra time filling out the envelope correctly. At least the laziness I can understand!

 

[Dee*Jay]

Date: 5/7/2008 12:51:37 PM
Author: ajl
I get a lot of the same passive resistance as Dee*Jay. As if changing my name was something I forgot to do and maybe their calling me ''Mrs. Smith'' will jog my memory. ''Ooops I knew I forgot something and it was changing my name.'' I had someone even try and hyphenate it for me once. And I had one friend tell me she did it out of sheer laziness- she just didn''t want to spend the extra time filling out the envelope correctly. At least the laziness I can understand!

LOL! [Slaps self on forehead} I *knew* there was something I''ve been meaning to do for the past decade or so!

 

[Octavia]

Grr. I would say this is unbelievable, but given some of my past experiences with FedEx, it''s par for course. I normally try not to complain about the people working in call centers, but I swear FedEx found a few of theirs under a rock somewhere...

 

[jcrow]

MG.

 

[ladypirate]

FedEx is awful! I spoke with them re: delivery of a package yesterday and they said that because no one would be at the address to get said package on any of the days they were trying to deliver it (because we, you know, work and apparently it needs to be signed for in person), we have to pick it up at the FedEx place. FORTY MILES AWAY. O.O Are you kidding me? I never want to order anything through FedEx again.

 

[Circe]

Date: 5/7/2008 12:51:37 PM
Author: ajl
I had someone even try and hyphenate it for me once.

Oh, that''s just *lovely* ... Anne Fadiman has a great essay about "Ms." that''s in the same vein - she''s not "Miss" Fadiman because she''s married, she''s not "Mrs." Fadiman because her husband''s name is Colt, and she''s not any variety of Colt because, well, she made the *choice* to keep her name. So, she goes with "Ms." ... when the rest of the world lets her. It is such a weird thing, too, when others *choose* to call you by the wrong name, and then act as though it''s funny - haha, you''re Mrs. Odysseus! Like, seriously? Is the "joke" here meant to be, "whether you like it or not?" Or does this mean I get to start calling them by whatever appellation amuses me at the moment? Because, y''know, from "Mr. Whiskerpants" on down the line, there are some funny options out there ....*

Good news, though, in the all''s-well-that-ends-well vein: when I got home from work, I groaned when I saw the tell-tale FedEx sticker hanging from the door, telling me I could pick the package up at my leisure, because I''d *specified* that if they couldn''t deliver it on Tuesday, they should just wait until Thursday, given the fact that I''d be, y''know, working on Wednesday. (LadyPirate, I so feel your pain on this one: I wonder, is it a holdover from the days when the default family model always had one partner at home? ''Cause, if so, much like the policy on names, it *really* needs to be adjusted - the first delivery company to take that into account and provide an evening option is going to make BANK.) But, luckily, they redelivered today, and oh, it is GORGEOUS. I still wish my husband could have been here to open it with me ... but, hey. HE got it in the first place: I can be v. happy with him, and it, and still want to bop FedEx. Thanks for all the advice and support, ladies!

*I blogged about a similar issue, and a friend mentioned in passing that it was a running joke with her finance that this was what they would call their daughter. I ask no questions .....

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 5/6/2008 10:46:26 PM
Author: Circe

Date: 5/6/2008 4:57:59 PM

Author: gwendolyn

People need to just mind their own stupid business. Sheesh.

Don''t worry about the ring. I''ll bet anything you guys grumble a bit as you pick it up and open it up, but once you see it, you''ll forget all about that petty woman and you''ll just think of how lucky the two of you are that you have each other, regardless of what your last names are.

Heheheh - very true. My perfect world is full of non-judgmentalism. This one? Weeeeeeeeell ....


Thank you for the support, all of you, and thanks Gwendolyn and Scarleta for the good thoughts re: togetherness: the thing that makes this sting is that Odysseus (the name is now frighteningly appropriate) just took a job in Houston, and we''re going back to long distance as of today. He''s away for 2 weeks to see family (no vacation time in the first year), back for 4 days at the end of the month, off for a 3 week training course, back for two weeks to move me closer to the university, and after that, I only see him on weekends. I''m definitely very lucky to have him ... but the mushy ''new chapter'' thing in the first post was in reference to that. The anniversary was fabulous regardless of gifts: just, symbolically, it really would have been lovely to have had him here to give it to me as a gift, as opposed to opening it up by my lonesome.

*big big hugs* Long-distance is awful, darlin''. You say you''re going ''back'' to it, so you''ve done it before? I''m sorry. It is so hard. How long will you be long-distance?

 

[ljmorgan]

When I married my husband last January I was sooo torn on whether to change my name. I kept my maiden name for a year, and actually took his last name just two months ago the week before he left for Afghanistan. Two weeks before I actually went and decided I would hyphenate, so when I showed back up at the DMV they must have thought I was a schizo! Anyway, that year was a total pain! We had utilities under our names, and it was a pain to call about the other''s account, even identifying ourselves as a spouse. Plus airline fiascos, shipping situations, etc. I totally agree that there should be an easier way to deal with this, because let''s be honest, people choose so many things when marrying and how they want to use their names! I do of course understand that it''s a liability issue for them -- they can''t just give anyone your account details over the phone, and they can''t let anyone of the opposite sex claiming to be your spouse pick up your package -- I get it. Honestly for that first year we were married, I kept a copy of our marriage certificate in my purse, which smoothed things over in most cases. I had tons of people call me by my husband''s last name during that time, but it never upset me. I only originally wanted to keep my maiden name because I was attached to it.

Is it a pain? Yes. Is there a reason for it? Yes. Should companies come up with a way to accommodate families in which members have different names? Yes!

Circe I don''t think you faced company discrimination, but you definitely faced a very, very rude employee. It is absolutely unacceptable for an employee to act that way, no matter how they feel about any situation. I hope that you take the necessary steps to have her reprimanded appropriately!