Do some really like it small?

[sjz]

Date: 3/16/2005 5

6:35 PM
Author: Momoftwo

I did not encourage him to go get a loan he can''t afford. He is an adult after all and I hope no one he has never met would have that much influence. I made the point that people get loans for cars (that are disposable) all the time. And anyone who takes the divorce rate into consideration before buying a diamond probably shouldn''t be getting married. If you look at it that way, there would be lots of things not do to, mix money, buy a home, have children, etc..... All, just in case it doesn''t work. Come on. That''s not an argument for buying a small ring.

Her saying it was ''fine'' tells me it wasn''t an enthusiastic, yes, let ''s get a small ring. I think he should find out what she really wants and there is a thing called compromise. Compromise is one of the reasons my DH and I''ve been happily married for 24 years.

Did you read his subsequent post about her family''s value system, and his budget of 4 grand? Not to mention the fact that he just got bumped down to part time in his sales job? I didn''t single you out in my post, but you are the one who told him NOT to listen to those who would encourage him to stay away from getting a loan and going into debt for a ring.

I have no way of knowing what his motives or circumstances are (and neither do you for that matter). But I wouldn''t encourage ANYONE, no matter what their circumstances financial or otherwise, to go into debt for a piece of jewelry. Not even and engagement ring. If these two people love each other enough, a bread sack twistie would be good enough for his girlfriend. If she is going to be "ashamed" or "disappointed" by what some people would consider to be a small diamond, instead of thrilled and over the moon that the man that she loves also loves her enough to ask her to spend the rest of her life with him...I''m not sure that he SHOULDN''T be considering things like broken engagements and divorce rates...

 

[Momoftwo]

I'm going to say this one more time. I DID NOT ENCOURAGE HIM TO GET A LOAN. I just made a point about one thing people do get loans for and he also mentioned wanting to get her a larger stone. Did anyone see that?? Money is a leading reason for divorce, but it's about lack of trust and compromise, not the debt itself. It usually has to do with one person spending without the other knowing. Also, it's no one's place to tell him not to do something either. Does anyone realize, he is an adult and has to make his own decisions? And it has to be about his value system, not his gf's parents. It's not really their business either how he spends his money. BTW, we have made really good financial decisions over the years, have been in some debt at one point or another and it doesn't make us terrible people. There is a difference between some debt and bankruptcy. This is not a black and white issue. There is a gray area.

 

[michela002]

$4000 is a perfectly respectable e-ring budget, it is just on the lower side of Pricescope. Lol! It does skew your perspective a little. You can get a beautiful setting (even a diamond setting) and still have money for a decent sized stone - I personally am looking for an e-ring for under $4000 and am finding RBs between .9 - 1.05 that are ideally cut, H, SI1 for about $3000-$3250, and a shared-prong setting for about $900 ...

Don''t necessarily rule out upgrading. I don''t think it''s a case of saying, "the ring you proposed to me is crap and I''m finally getting a better one thank god!" it''s just a case of saying, "we have the money now to get what we would have gotten earlier but couldn''t justify spending the money on when we were younger." Given time, you may open your mind to the idea - so consider buying from someone who lets you upgrade and get full credit back for your original stone (e.g. Whiteflash.)

But here''s the kicker - I mentioned to a friend that, despite me loving the tradition and I still want one, the whole idea of getting an engagement ring is backwards. You should get your plain wedding band when you get married, a diamond one after some anniversaries, and after 10-30 years, get your big, beautiful diamond solitaire - after you''ve have the commitment and love and worked hard at your marriage, and made it through all the rough years. Like a reward

Of course it doesn''t work like that (and I really do want the engagement ring, haha!) but the engagement ring is like a promise - "I promise to marry you and spend the rest of our lives together." The wedding ring is - "I did marry you, I made that commitment." And many years later, the upgrade, if you want one and can afford it, is the "I''m glad I made that choice, I woudln''t change it for the world, and this is us celebrating what we''ve built together."

 

[snow_happy]

stillooking--

I''m sorry for your troubles with her family...my non-asian boyfriend is going through the same thing! I know he probably won''t make as much money as me (i ended up in a more lucrative field) but I am realistic about his financial situation and the important thing, after all, is that he wants to ask me to spend the rest of his life with him. That alone means more to me than anything else.

If she has stuck by your relationship despite judgement from her parents then what makes you think she will be sensitive about having a smaller diamond? In other words, she is strong and doesn''t care about what other people think/say because she loves you.... and she will love the ring size you can afford.

If I were her parents and offered to help you buy a house... then saw that you bought my daughter a huge ring that was obviously out of your budget I would be upset. I would think that the reason I''m helping you buy a house is because you didn''t have a good sense of financial responsibility. I''m NOT saying this is the case but it may be the perceived case from the parents point of view. It''s like... I''m not going to have my parents pay for my monthly apartment rent and then go buy a BMW.

Hest88 had an EXCELLENT point in that there are additional costs to owning a home (I believe MSN said expect to pay at least 1% of the cost of the home a year just in maintainence costs). WIth the price of maintaining a house you will still be paying for some of the mortgage at least right? Paying a loan for the e-ring off on top of all that probably isn''t the best idea.

Besides, I think 4K is a great budget! You can definitely find a great stone and elegant setting for that price.

 

[sjz]

Date: 3/16/2005 9:40:11 PM
Author: Momoftwo
I''m going to say this one more time. I DID NOT ENCOURAGE HIM TO GET A LOAN. I just made a point about one thing people do get loans for and he also mentioned wanting to get her a larger stone. Did anyone see that?? Money is a leading reason for divorce, but it''s about lack of trust and compromise, not the debt itself. It usually has to do with one person spending without the other knowing. Also, it''s no one''s place to tell him not to do something either. Does anyone realize, he is an adult and has to make his own decisions? And it has to be about his value system, not his gf''s parents. It''s not really their business either how he spends his money. BTW, we have made really good financial decisions over the years, have been in some debt at one point or another and it doesn''t make us terrible people. There is a difference between some debt and bankruptcy. This is not a black and white issue. There is a gray area.

Don''t get so upset! Sure people get loans for things like cars and homes. Some people go way over their heads for those things, too. But to be perfectly honest, transportation and some where to live are necessities. Diamonds aren''t. You make valid points about this being his value system that matters, not his prospective in-laws. But he does seem to care about what they think, and how his gf is going to feel about the size of her ring. It would be too bad if he causes more trouble for himself by taking out loans for a ring, especially when his financial status is in a less than optimal state. As bad as it would be to give his gf a diamond that doesn''t meet her or her family and friends'' expectations, getting himself into a financial pickle would be much worse.

The poster stated that he''s eager to be married and start a family with his gf. If you are married, then you know that the engagement is only the tip of the iceberg. If this family is causing him to feel this way about the ring, can you imagine how they are going to be about the wedding, their home (which he says they are going to provide) or any future children? How is he going to measure up in those areas if he is having so much trouble with the ring!

Personally, I think he could buy her a very nice ring on his current budget, without having to get a loan for over twice what he can already afford. If he feels that this is still inadequate in the eyes of his gf and her family, then maybe he needs to reassess the situation. He could explain to her that he can affort $4000

for a ring now, or they could hold off until he has more money to get her the ring she really desires. And hey, if she really doesn''t want to wait, but really doesn''t want to "settle" for the smaller diamond, she could also chip in some money toward the ring! I sure don''t see anything wrong with that.


BTW...nobody is judging you or your situation. I don''t know why you felt the need to defend yourself. I never said that people who get into debt are terrible people or anything of the kind. But I know from personal experience that it ain''t no fun!!!!! I''d much rather be financially secure like I am now, than struggling to make ends meet, and with too many bills to pay. I would not like to see anyone else find themselves starting an engagement or a marriage in debt if I can offer any advice or suggestions to help them out.

 

[innerkitten]

Yes some people just like small stones and some people like large stones. Everyone had different taste .

 

[stilllookin]

Momo, I do understand your point. I was thinking along the same lines...I just won't buy the new car I need and get her a gorgeous ring that she will forever be happy with. I am careful with my finances and have excellent credit. At the same time, SJZ has a good point too! Thanks to all who posted and many of you made good points about my future in laws probably not being too happy if they knew I was incurring a debt because of the ring. I don't have any revolving credit though, I pay my CC off every month, own my car and don't have any outstanding college loans (one positive about dropping out!!!)
I appreciate all the links you guys posted. But, and I know I'll get clobbered for this one, I feel like I'm in a no win situation. I know she doesn't like lower color clarity diamonds. I have to say I noticed that it's kind of an asian thing..buying the best quality?? So do I buy a smaller diamond with better color or clarity or just go for a bigger H,I - SI clarity?? I don't mind the lower color/clarity..I've been convinced since I've discovered pricescope. But I'll die if her mom thinks I'm nuts for buying a SI.
I called BBB and told them I'm not interested. the stone was a G, VS1...they were so snobby anyway.

 

[snow_happy]

Hi!

Are you involving your gf in the process at all? I thought I wanted a higher color until I went to a jewelry store, saw the stones mounted and couldn''t see a color difference. So a bigger stone in lower color that I couldn''t tell the difference anyways for the same price? heck yeah! My friend''s gf however ONLY wants a D even though she can''t tell the color difference either so it''s a matter of opinion.

 

[sjz]

Date: 3/17/2005 12:27:35 AM
Author: stilllookin
Momo, I do understand your point. I was thinking along the same lines...I just won''t buy the new car I need and get her a gorgeous ring that she will forever be happy with. I am careful with my finances and have excellent credit. At the same time, SJZ has a good point too! Thanks to all who posted and many of you made good points about my future in laws probably not being too happy if they knew I was incurring a debt because of the ring. I don''t have any revolving credit though, I pay my CC off every month, own my car and don''t have any outstanding college loans (one positive about dropping out!!!)
I appreciate all the links you guys posted. But, and I know I''ll get clobbered for this one, I feel like I''m in a no win situation. I know she doesn''t like lower color clarity diamonds. I have to say I noticed that it''s kind of an asian thing..buying the best quality?? So do I buy a smaller diamond with better color or clarity or just go for a bigger H,I - SI clarity?? I don''t mind the lower color/clarity..I''ve been convinced since I''ve discovered pricescope. But I''ll die if her mom thinks I''m nuts for buying a SI.
I called BBB and told them I''m not interested. the stone was a G, VS1...they were so snobby anyway.

Hey still-looking, I agree with snowhappy...I would ask your gf her opinion. I''m sure you want to surprise her and everything, but she might appreciate being able to guide you on this purchase. I recently bought a .53 carat diamond from WhiteFlash just because I wanted one...lol. It is one of their Hearts and Arrows diamonds and it''s GORGEOUS! And I barely spent over $1000 for the stone. They have so many stones in just about every price range, size, color and quality combo you can think of! So do the other vendors you can access on the forum. I really think you should look around, and maybe ask your gf to look with you at the diamonds. You can totally surprise her with the setting, or the time and location of the proposal, or the way in which you propose or something.

I am pretty sure you can find a really nice sized and good quality stone that''s not going to cause you to go way over what you''ve stated you can afford. Go look in the SHOW ME THE RING thread if you haven''t already and see all the beautiful rings that other pricescopers have. It will inspire you. Especially look at the thread for diamonds under one carat. There are some real beauties in there (mine included

 

[fire&ice]

In general, an h/si1 stone is nice quality. H is still in the near colorless range & many Si in this size are eye clean.

You are going to have to compromise somewhere. The appearance of a diamond many times not reflected on the specs on paper. She wears the diamond - not the paper.

Stick w/ your budget of 4k. Put the stone in a simple solitaire.

 

[appletini]

I haven''t read the latest on here, so I''m just going to but in with some "smaller" diamond comments.

Last night I was at dinner with my BF and his friends and their wives and fiancees (I''m the lucky GF). I was looking at all of their rings (but trying not to stare) and dreaming of my future e-ring. And of all the diamonds, the best looking one was the smallest...it was maybe .5-.75 cts (she is teeny tiny, so I''m guessing her ring size is smaller than a 4, b/c its perfect on her), but it was so white and sparkled like crazy. The other girls diamonds, were closer to the size I want 1-1.5 cts, but didn''t have that bright sparkle that the smaller one did. I thought maybe it was the setting or the color or the cut quality that made the difference, but I certainly wasn''t going to ask.

Since the BF and I will be choosing a stone in a few weeks, this phenomenon made me realize how important all the other aspects were together. I''d love to have close to 1.5 with out breaking the budget, and will be going lower on color in order to that, but then I thought, I could go as low as 1.15 and up in color and get an H&A. Plus Mara has inspired me, that I can always upgrade later.

 

[Christy42]

Hey Stilllookin,

Here''s my .02....I think most young people starting out don''t get huge rocks. So don''t get caught up in what other prople have or say. A lot of people criticize because of envy or other insecurities.
I, of course had a much smaller ring size back then and a smaller diamond looked great on me. Now, after almost 18 years of marriage my size seven requires a larger stone.

As far as buying your ring on credit, please understand that I am not encouraging you to do that, but I really don''t know a lot of people that were able to buy e-rings and wedding rings with some bling early on without using at least some credit. The only rings paid for with cash were plain gold bands with intentions of upgrades later. Just be realistic about what you can pay back if you choose to go that route. I think $4,000.00 is wonderful. I think my set cost $900.00. It was delivered on a dinosaur''s back too.

My first set was vintage looking and I believe 1/2 carat total weight for the e-ring and the band. The set had a lot of bling though because it was several diamonds, not just one big one. That lowered the price. I picked it out and I loved it. If it still fit me now I would wear it.

The great thing about not racing to the end of the road when you first get started is she''ll have upgrades to look forward to and her taste may (and probably will) change by then. And lots of money left for nice RHR''s for Christmas and other holidays. Then she can keep the original, not feel the need to trade up and get what suits her then. Trust me, right now it''s about love and marriage. Later it will be more about a bigger rock to celebrate lasting love. Good luck with your decision. I''m sure she''ll love whatever you choose.

 

[valeria101]

Well, if high grades are an issue, just burn the cert

There's no way to tell without the paper
If there were, who would bother with the lab reports anyway !

 

[Hest88]

Stilllookin, *I''m* Asian, and believe me I understand the sparkling white, D, IF, huge carat size thing. But I also know Asian parents, and if you weren''t born into money they expect you to know how to save up some someday you will have enough money to support your wife and children in luxury. Her parents will expect you to be hardworking and not stupid about your money. They will expect you to be frugal, and to invest for the future.

Your GF may want a large ring, but she''s choosing to marry you. That means she''s choosing to forego the huge rock, the large house, and the fancy car---for now. You do her an injustice by assuming she''d want you to buy a ring you can''t afford, and if she is the type of person who would want that ring anyway then you shouldn''t be marrying her.

 

[sjz]

Date: 3/17/2005 11:14:14 AM
Author: Christy42
Hey Stilllookin,

Here''s my .02....I think most young people starting out don''t get huge rocks. So don''t get caught up in what other prople have or say. A lot of people criticize because of envy or other insecurities.
I, of course had a much smaller ring size back then and a smaller diamond looked great on me. Now, after almost 18 years of marriage my size seven requires a larger stone.

As far as buying your ring on credit, please understand that I am not encouraging you to do that, but I really don''t know a lot of people that were able to buy e-rings and wedding rings with some bling early on without using at least some credit. The only rings paid for with cash were plain gold bands with intentions of upgrades later. Just be realistic about what you can pay back if you choose to go that route. I think $4,000.00 is wonderful. I think my set cost $900.00. It was delivered on a dinosaur''s back too.

My first set was vintage looking and I believe 1/2 carat total weight for the e-ring and the band. The set had a lot of bling though because it was several diamonds, not just one big one. That lowered the price. I picked it out and I loved it. If it still fit me now I would wear it.

The great thing about not racing to the end of the road when you first get started is she''ll have upgrades to look forward to and her taste may (and probably will) change by then. And lots of money left for nice RHR''s for Christmas and other holidays. Then she can keep the original, not feel the need to trade up and get what suits her then. Trust me, right now it''s about love and marriage. Later it will be more about a bigger rock to celebrate lasting love. Good luck with your decision. I''m sure she''ll love whatever you choose.

You make a very good point about tastes changing over time. I''m on my 4th (5th??) remount, and I''ve have a couple of different diamonds over the years. Styles change, and tastes change, along with financial situations. When I first got married, marquise solitaires and ring guards were the thing. Not quite so much anymore, though...lol. Now the pendulum seems to have swung more toward round brilliants, and elegant square shapes like asshers and radiants. And much more elaborate settings. Yellow gold was the going thing when I got engaged, and now white gold and platinum are much more popular. And that''s all been in less than 15 years.

There is certainly something to be said for having upgrades and remounts and the like to look forward to. And I do also understand the sentimentality issue. If a guy doesn''t break the bank with the first diamond, there is no reason to ever have to use it as a "trade-in" when upgrade time comes along. A diamond that originally cost only 4-5K could easily always be a keeper, and a few years down the road in the marriage, when financial properity is in full bloom...a nice anniversary, birthday, or Christmas diamond will ALWAYS be appreciated by the wife.

That''s one of the reasons I bought the WF diamond recently. With future upgrading in mind

. I really want to keep my ering stone of .75 carats, because I''ve become very attatched to the little fellow over the years.

. But someday, if and when I decide I want a bigger stone, I can always trade-up the WF stone and STILL keep my old ering. I like to keep all my options open, and not drive my hubby crazy trying to pay off my credit cards...lol.

 

[Christy42]

Thanks sjz!

Btw, how do you quote someone like you did me with the blue box? I''ve been afraid to ask for fear of seeming a bit challenged, so to speak. I''ve tried briefly to figure it out unsuccessfully.

 

[chrono]

When you hit the reply button, there are two buttons on the top right side. The first one is the "Attach File" and the second is "Quote". Click on "quote" and it will quote the message you are replying to in a blue box. Just type your reply under the quote.

 

[Christy42]

Date: 3/17/2005 11:59

9 AM
Author: Chrono
When you hit the reply button, there are two buttons on the top right side. The first one is the ''Attach File'' and the second is ''Quote''. Click on ''quote'' and it will quote the message you are replying to in a blue box. Just type your reply under the quote.

I did it! Thanks Chrono, now I do feel stupid. (and slightly challenged) I should have known it was something right there in front of me.

Oops...

 

[fire&ice]

; I really want to keep my ering stone of .75 carats, because I''ve become very attatched to the little fellow over the years.

.

Me too! In fact when we reset the little bugger I insisted on keeping the same head!

 

[allycat0303]

Stilllooking!

Well, I''m a 25 year old asian girl dating a white guy (parents originally hesitant) but now are all for it. For my parents (who are very successful) the most important thing is that my boyfriend works hard, and has a good job, and that he is thinking about our financial future. They love the fact that he''s almost ready to buy a house (at 26) paid off the college loan and all WITHOUT the help of his parents.

That being said, I feel that there are people in my extended family that would *talk* if I recieved a 0.5 carat diamond. I don''t think my parents would care but may suffer *SOME* embarrassment by the subsequent backlash by other family members. It might be stupid, but it is reality right? Of course, I want a 1.6 carat ring in a Leon setting. But neither of us is willing to go into debt for this, basically he has been saving up for three years. He has a ring fund, and a house downpayment fund. He will be purchasing the house next summer and my ring the year after that. And I am buying the ring setting with my own money. I mean seriously, why would my boyfriend have to pay for a Leon setting? And it''s not as if anyone in my family is going to inquire who paid for what part of my ring. Everybody is happy, and we haven''t gone into debt for the ring.

That being said, if I was on a budget, I would buy an H color, S1 (or even S12) clarity ring and burn the cert (as Valaria said

) she probably won''t be able to tell, and I can''t see her asking. I would try to get the best that I could with my budget, if I found something I wanted that was a bit over (maybe $1000) more, I''d hold off, cut corners for a few months and save up for the extra money. And all this might not even be important. Ask her what she wants. My sister is asian dating asian, she''s a future MD, boyfriend is a computer scientist. She looks/ acts like a girl that would like a lot of ring but she told me specifically, "Ally don''t let him buy me anything over 0.8 carats. I like wearing dangly earrings and I don''t want to look like a Christmas tree." So there you go. She might not even want it, and when it''s the girl you want to spend the rest of your life with you shouldn''t be afraid of discussing it with her or compromising!

Good Luck!

 

[fire&ice]

Date: 3/17/2005 1

8:49 PM
Author: allycat0303

That being said, I feel that there are people in my extended family that would *talk* if I recieved a 0.5 carat diamond. I don''t think my parents would care but may suffer *SOME* embarrassment by the subsequent backlash by other family members. It might be stupid, but it is reality right?

I respectfully ask - why is this reality? I see this as a prevailing theme learned from this board. I am not Asian; nor, am I near a large Asian community - so no exposure.

Also, are there differences within the different Asian cultures (i.e. Korean, Chinese, etc.) regarding this issue?

 

[ForteKitty]

Date: 3/17/2005 1:20:12 PM
Author: fire&ice

Date: 3/17/2005 1

8:49 PM
Author: allycat0303

That being said, I feel that there are people in my extended family that would *talk* if I recieved a 0.5 carat diamond. I don't think my parents would care but may suffer *SOME* embarrassment by the subsequent backlash by other family members. It might be stupid, but it is reality right?

I respectfully ask - why is this reality? I see this as a prevailing theme learned from this board. I am not Asian; nor, am I near a large Asian community - so no exposure.

Also, are there differences within the different Asian cultures (i.e. Korean, Chinese, etc.) regarding this issue?

Conservative Asian families expect the males to be able to *take care* of their family, and that's one way of showing her family he's able to. In addition, most will expect him to have a house by the time they're married. Not saying it's right, but that's what i've seen w/ my friends. I'm Chinese, and my family doesn't give a rats a$$ what I get as an engagement ring, but I have found my family to be a minority, in more ways than one.

edited to add: I think Asian parents expect too much in general. Violin & Piano Lessons starting at age 5, tutoring after school, and any major other than Computers, Engineering, or Medicine is frowned upon. And this is in the U.S. Overseas are even more intense.

 

[Christy42]

Date: 3/17/2005 1:20:12 PM
Author: fire&ice

Date: 3/17/2005 1

8:49 PM
Author: allycat0303

That being said, I feel that there are people in my extended family that would *talk* if I recieved a 0.5 carat diamond. I don''t think my parents would care but may suffer *SOME* embarrassment by the subsequent backlash by other family members. It might be stupid, but it is reality right?

I respectfully ask - why is this reality? I see this as a prevailing theme learned from this board. I am not Asian; nor, am I near a large Asian community - so no exposure.

Also, are there differences within the different Asian cultures (i.e. Korean, Chinese, etc.) regarding this issue?

I wonder this too. I too am not Asian so I have no sources of info but my jeweler is Asian and she, not her parents, is practically chomping at the bit because her guy only bought her a carat. She almost broke up with him. My extended family and my parents couldn''t have cared less if I had gotten a diamond at all. They just wanted me to marry the right guy for the right reasons.

With all due respect, poor guy, he''s got a ring fund and a house fund and schooled himself with no help, that''s an awful lot of pressure right off the bat. "He''s a great guy but his diamond fund isn''t big enough, psss, psss..." Lol......I hope your parents would tell them to myob....

 

[fire&ice]

Interesting Fortekitty - thanks. One more question - why the high quality stones - same reason?

 

[allycat0303]

Oh I didn't want to make a controversial post. I have found that in my family (Viet culture) it's not about what is actually going on, but what others think. They really do expect (as Forte Kitty) aid too much. And as an Asian girl dating a white guy, I can tell you that whatever they expect from a potential husband to be, the expectation is even GREATER if he is white. The mentality goes to say, that if you are going out of your culture, then he had better have A LOT to offer. Again, I don't agree with any of this BULL POOPY, but that's the way it is.

The ring (at least in my end of Viet culture) symbolizes a lot of things. First of all in strict traditional Vietnamese, it is was the mother in law that purchased it so the size has certain implications primarily that the husband's family has respect for your family, and that the mother in law is accepting you into her family. In addition, it shows that the husband (or his family) can take care of you. In addition, if you had a small ring, the implication could be made about you (if you are dating a white guy that is)

that he got you pregnent and had to marry you so he couldn't be bothered with a big ring. It is complete insanity, but there you go. It's the same with the wedding. I want a small wedding. My parents have informed me that this is impossible because their friends would gossip that I had to run away to get married because I got pregnant. Not that I care in the least, but my parents care. Since I love and respect them, I'm going to have the obligatory circus wedding to prove that any future child I have would be legitmate

.

Oh yes. And what Forte Kitty said is true. My parents said: Marry one of the following in this ORDER a) Doctor b) Dentist c) Pharmacist d) Engineer. Anything else is really frowned upon. So far my sister is in a little bit of trouble with the computer scientist

 

[sjz]

This whole asian perspective on things is fascinating! My parents really couldn''t have cared less what kind of ring I got, or even if I got a ring. They were more concerned that my future hubby was still poor resident and that he was a Polish boy from Chicago whose parents didn''t even speak good english...lol. I grew up in a small town downstate and came from a farming family. They were afraid that I was marrying someone who was too different. Don''t get me wrong, they liked my husband from day one, and thought he was a great guy. But they figured his background and mine weren''t going to mesh well. I think his family felt the same way initially, too. We proved them all wrong, though...

Financially speaking, I was better off than he was when we got engaged. I already had a house, and a paid off car, plus some money in savings. I was working at the hospital making decent money. He was still a resident, with student loans, car loans, and credit card bills up the wazoo. I most likely would have thought he was insane if he''d spent any more money than he did on the 1/3 carat diamond he proposed with. I''m betting even that ring was stretching his budget.

 

[fire&ice]

Date: 3/17/2005 1:52:25 PM
Author: allycat0303
. Not that I care in the least, but my parents care. Since I love and respect them, I''m going to have the obligatory circus wedding to prove that any future child I have would be legitmate

.

And, I admire you for that. Thanks for your post. No controversary - just curiousity. And, I don''t find it insane - most traditions are based on something logical.

Another curious question - how much of this "tradition/views" will be carried over into your family/generation? I don''t mean to hijack stilllooking thread - but I hope we are all learning a bit here.

 

[ForteKitty]

Date: 3/17/2005 1:39:33 PM
Author: fire&ice
Interesting Fortekitty - thanks. One more question - why the high quality stones - same reason?

Pretty much. It''s all about quality...( in other words, how much you can afford.

) Quite annoying, actually. It''s kinda like, oh, my son graduated from Harvard/Princeton/Yale. Does it matter that he''s getting paid the same amount as someone who graduated from UCLA? Nope, as long as they have that name. And they''ll throw it around too.

On the other hand, I noticed that most of my Asian friends have impeccable eyes for color. They can spot color in G instantly, face up. I can too, but the G doesn''t bother me. However, it bothers my best friend a lot... drives her absolutely crazy to see any hint of color.


Disclaimer: I know i bought my mom a dvvs2, but it was more for myself than anything else. I feel like she deserves the best my money can buy, so I got it. Not to impress other people! In fact, she doesn''t even remember the specs!

 

[Christy42]

Date: 3/17/2005 2

8:51 PM
Author: fire&ice

Date: 3/17/2005 1:52:25 PM
Author: allycat0303
. Not that I care in the least, but my parents care. Since I love and respect them, I''m going to have the obligatory circus wedding to prove that any future child I have would be legitmate

.

And, I admire you for that. Thanks for your post. No controversary - just curiousity. And, I don''t find it insane - most traditions are based on something logical.

Another curious question - how much of this ''tradition/views'' will be carried over into your family/generation? I don''t mean to hijack stilllooking thread - but I hope we are all learning a bit here.

I totally understand now. If he can afford to get the rock, he can afford to take care of you and he wants too, not because he had too. I get it now. I didn''t mean to imply any controversial issues either, just curiousity. This is interesting how different cultures expect more from another culture to prove themselves worthy. I''d never thought about that but I suppose my parents would have expected the same thing if I had married someone of a different culture. I guess we are all more alike than we realize when you get right down to it.

I also admire you for that too. I did the same thing as far as the big wedding. I just wanted to marry him and have a big party with all of my friends. My mother insisted on inviting the entire county and making my engagement and wedding the big news of the town. Like you, I accommodated her. I didn''t plan on getting married again so I thought I''d better let her have her moment to shine.

I am curious as well about the tradition carrying into your family. And I didn''t mean to hijack this thread either. Sorry....

 

[moolman]

I change my recommendation, stay within your budget and get a small diamond, don''t get one with a loan.

She''s willing to marry you even though you are not Korean, which her family isn''t totally thrilled with, she knows you dropped out of school. And still she wants to marry you, don''t worry, she doesn''t care about the size of the diamond or what her family thinks.