Do some really like it small?

[Aurora Borealis]

I have a <1.0 ct diamond which I''m very happy with, and I''m sure a lot of women genuinely prefer their''s small as well. But I understand what you''re asking about whether or not some women just say that. I''m on wedding forums a lot as well and on polls regarding diamond size, more often than not the ladies volunteer excuses. For example, instead of answering that their ring is .50 ct, they say their ring is .50 ct but they prefer it that way because they have small hands or something like that. I get this feeling that if they were truly happy with or prefer the size why make an excuse that''s not required? I don''t know, maybe it''s just me.

 

[schmoopy]

Wow, this is a well debated topic!

I am also asian. I was born in Seoul and adopted to my very loving and supporting parents when i was 5 months old. I was raised believing that everyone is equal no matter social status, skin color, education, whatever. I was raised to be thankful for what I have and if I had extra, to help out someone who wasn''t as fortunate. As bad as this may sound, I am SHOCKED that asian families put so much pressure on the fiance when it comes to the ring. Honestly, I had no idea this was such a big deal for the asian culture when dealing with these sort of things. From my honest opinion its the meaning behind the ring that means more than any diamond or precious metal. I know it has been said over and over, but I just wanted to reiterate that! I am engaged to a caucasian loudmouth whom I love with every bit of me and I will be sporting a ring, that in MY opinion, borders on ginormous. I would have been happy with the silver band I have been wearing for most of our dating life on my e-ring hand, but my fi comes from the side where things are the *best* and could afford the ring of my dreams. I would NEVER ever want to have him step into our new future together with a large loan looming overhead when I would rather be worrying about a home, or children''s education funds in the future. I think the ring should be a symbol of what is to come, not what you have to live up to etc. This is just my opinion, and we all know what opinions are like..........

..................and everyone''s stinks!!! LOL

I really hope things work out for you and yours! Congratulations on finding the love of your life!

 

[sjz]

Date: 3/23/2005 4:25:29 AM
Author: Aurora Borealis
I have a <1.0 ct diamond which I''m very happy with, and I''m sure a lot of women genuinely prefer their''s small as well. But I understand what you''re asking about whether or not some women just say that. I''m on wedding forums a lot as well and on polls regarding diamond size, more often than not the ladies volunteer excuses. For example, instead of answering that their ring is .50 ct, they say their ring is .50 ct but they prefer it that way because they have small hands or something like that. I get this feeling that if they were truly happy with or prefer the size why make an excuse that''s not required? I don''t know, maybe it''s just me.

I have a smaller than 1 carat diamond (.75) and I am happy with mine, too. As a matter of fact, instead of upgrading, I just purchased another diamond, and this one is even smaller...lol. But I don''t necessarily think that all people who give reasons (or volunteer excuses as you put it) are doing so because they are secretly unhappy with their rings. Especially when discussing it in a setting such as this one. The whole point of forums like this one is to discuss the issue, not just answer yes or no.

Many people are simply not comfortable with larger rings and/or stones. It truly may not suit their small hands, or their lifestyle, or their financial status, or their preferences to have a large diamond on their finger. There is nothing wrong with that. It''s no different than someone who prefers gold over platinum, or colored gems over diamonds (I know...there really ARE people out there who''d rather have a sapphire or an emerald or whatever as opposed to a diamond

).

I''m sure there are also those people who are secretly disappointed with their diamonds for whatever reason. Maybe it''s because it''s not big enough, or the wrong shape, or not quite the style they were hoping for. But they keep it to themselves and pretend to love it, and sometimes maybe even LEARN to love it, because of the meaning behind the ring.

Sometimes I think a little too much emphasis is placed on such things as size, quality, and designer settings. Especially when it comes to erings. It''s easy to get carried away when you are on a forum such as this one, where there really are some OUTRAGEOUSLY huge and gorgeous diamonds to compare to one''s own. I also know that sometimes out there in the "real world", it can be pretty comptetitive, too. I remember back in my 20''s, when myself and my contemporaries were first becoming engaged and getting married. It was pretty common practice for us to compare our rings, and gossip about how so-and-so''s diamond was bigger than someone else''s, or how so-and-so''s boyfriend could have afforded a bigger or better ring. The whole diamond envy and shrinkage syndromes usually kicks in, too...especially when your friends would get bigger diamonds, or more elaborate settings than the one you have. I suppose that''s what upgrading was created for

 

[fire&ice]

You stated that you didn''t feel comfortable & feel pressured. Seems you want to pick out your engagement ring. If you cave into your feelings now, you must be prepared to do this the rest of your life. If you can''t, I wouldn''t suggest this may be a battle worth fighting.

Good luck with whatever you choose.

I wonder if some other Asians can chime in. I thought a basic premise is that parents are to be listened to.

 

[partgypsy]

Gosh, I am so sorry. It sounds like you are between a rock and a hard place. My first generation father eventually came around to my husband, but that was also because we sided together about our relationship/marriage decisions, and we went it on our own financially. The in laws helping you with a house complicates things tremendously. It seems like you and your girlfriend will either have to stand together and go it alone (and risk alienating her family), or be willing to accept this kind of interference with your relationship, really, from now on. I don''t think it is possible to say you don''t want their interference and yet accept money from them at the same time. Golly, I feel for you.

 

[MINE!!]

Hey,

I just had to say a little something. But it is only my .02 cents.

I am coming up on my 2nd marriage and there are many things that I learned from my first that I am going to avoid this time. But the number 1 thing that I have decided from the beginning was that I was NOT going to marry his family. He is the man I love. He is the one that I want to spend the rest of my life with. He is the one that I want to tell me that he loves me. He is the one that I want to see at the end of the day and first in the morning. He is the one who matters when it come sto being happy, not mother-in-law, not father-in-law and not nosey brother and sister-in-law or overbearing aunty-in-law. These are not the people that I said yes to, they are not the people that I want to be with, he is. I will smile at them, respect them and they will learn to love me as their son has, or they will just have to learn to deal with it.

I wish you luck and many years of happiness with your love. The most important people in this whole thing is you and your love. The rest will have to join the ride, or get off the train.

 

[JCJD]

Avoiding the sticky side of this thread cause I can''t offer better advice...

I LOVE my 3/8 ct diamond (see avatar!!). It''s perfect for my hand and my lifestyle. But to be honest, I am so ready to be married to my wonderful fiance, I wouldn''t have cared if he''d given me a .00001 ct diamond or this honker below just so long as I have him for the rest of our lives!

 

[KrWz]

Just curious how things worked out for this guy. Hope things worked out ok.

 

[slagathor]

I''ll just chime in... I feel worlds apart from most of the posters I read on PS. When looking at stones with my girlfriend we both agreed that sub 1 carat stones were more flattering to her hand. A 75 pointer just "looked" right. I wonder how many others like us there are out there? See "in praise of smaller stones" https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/in-praise-of-smaller-diamonds.15946/ for some beautifully understated designs with little rocks.

I decided the money I would save over a 1+ carat stone could be put into a very lovely custom setting, with a couple of extra smaller stones as a hidden feature to boot. I was also able to get a much higher quality stone for the sacrafice (sic) in size. For me, it''s about putting something unique and wonderful together for my girl. She doesn''t want a doorknob and neither do I. Nom sayn?

 

[Scott99999]

As a man, I regularly see women on the train with huge diamonds on their finger -- and if I'm close enough, it's usually in some less-than-spectacular setting (the classic story of people with tons of money and zero taste).

My first thought is that some guy who is way overpaid is trying very hard to either: a) show off; or b) make up for some inadequacy. There's some point at which you're beyond romance and in the territory of "status symbol."

Conversely, I've seen some women with small diamonds. My first thought is that she was probably young when she got engaged, and maybe married her sweetheart. Maybe they were in college, or grad school, or just didn't have enough means to sink all their money into a big diamond.

The latter always strikes me as more sincere.

My girlfriend's ring (coming) isn't huge, and it isn't small, but I worked hard to make it special. I think it's the total package -- what did your fiance do to make the whole experience a special one? There are certain artistic considerations in jewelry (proportion, brilliance, etc...), but it's all about sincerity...

When strangers look at the ring, they might not realize that I went the extra mile to make it special for her, because it's not huge and flashy -- -- but she will. And hopefully she'll see it as a symbol of her love, and not a commodity.

 

[sjz]

Date: 5/15/2005 11:34:41 PM
Author: Scott99999
As a man, I regularly see women on the train with huge diamonds on their finger -- and if I''m close enough, it''s usually in some less-than-spectacular setting (the classic story of people with tons of money and zero taste).

My first thought is that some guy who is way overpaid is trying very hard to either: a) show off; or b) make up for some inadequacy. There''s some point at which you''re beyond romance and in the territory of ''status symbol.''

Conversely, I''ve seen some women with small diamonds. My first thought is that she was probably young when she got engaged, and maybe married her sweetheart. Maybe they were in college, or grad school, or just didn''t have enough means to sink all their money into a big diamond.

The latter always strikes me as more sincere.

My girlfriend''s ring (coming) isn''t huge, and it isn''t small, but I worked hard to make it special. I think it''s the total package -- what did your fiance do to make the whole experience a special one? There are certain artistic considerations in jewelry (proportion, brilliance, etc...), but it''s all about sincerity...

When strangers look at the ring, they might not realize that I went the extra mile to make it special for her, because it''s not huge and flashy -- -- but she will. And hopefully she''ll see it as a symbol of her love, and not a commodity.

That''s very sweet, Scott. Your girlfriend is a very lucky woman to have such a thoughtful guy loving her!