Greenback shower?

[Gypsy]

Date: 3/4/2008 11:11:54 PM
Author: risingsun

Date: 3/4/2008 3:00:13 PM
Author: Courtneylub
We put this on our honeymoon registry site:

''Fortunately, we have all of the toasters and European cheese graters anyone could ever need. Besides, everyone knows that the best cheese comes in a can. For that reason, we are asking those that would like to send a gift to make it the type that can go towards our honeymoon. Thanks, we love you!''

I would never come out and ask for money. I agree the invitation is tacky. If someone asks, our friends can mention our registry site or that we''d like gifts for honeymoon; ie: flip flops, hats, etc.

If I read this, I would think it was a request for money. If no one were to ask what it meant, I wouldn''t know what other way to interpret it

Yeah. I wouldn''t put that blurb anywhere. If someone asks where you are registered, just give them the link to the registry.

We registered at BBB because they do allow cash returns, and so, while we''ll be keeping quite a bit of what we registered for, some of it will be going back. And we are having our family put out that we would prefer cash.

 

[Haven]

Date: 3/4/2008 11:11:54 PM
Author: risingsun

Date: 3/4/2008 3:00:13 PM

Author: Courtneylub

We put this on our honeymoon registry site:


''Fortunately, we have all of the toasters and European cheese graters anyone could ever need. Besides, everyone knows that the best cheese comes in a can. For that reason, we are asking those that would like to send a gift to make it the type that can go towards our honeymoon. Thanks, we love you!''


I would never come out and ask for money. I agree the invitation is tacky. If someone asks, our friends can mention our registry site or that we''d like gifts for honeymoon; ie: flip flops, hats, etc.

If I read this, I would think it was a request for money. If no one were to ask what it meant, I wouldn''t know what other way to interpret it

I thought the same thing, Marian.

As for the "Greenback shower" I''ve never heard of such a thing, but it sounds like just another euphemism for "we''d like your money". Trying to dictate the types of gifts you are given is presumptuous and just plain tacky. I would decline the shower, and send a handwritten note with kind wishes.

 

[risingsun]

^^^Haven~I think having a registry is about as far as we can go toward suggesting what people might choose as wedding gifts. I often make a monetary gift, but that is my choice. No one is entitled to ask for money

 

[surfgirl]

Date: 3/5/2008 12:15:35 AM
Author: risingsun
^^^Haven~I think having a registry is about as far as we can go toward suggesting what people might choose as wedding gifts. I often make a monetary gift, but that is my choice. No one is entitled to ask for money

I couldn''t agree more marian. Also, thank you for bringing back your original avatar...now I can recognize you again!

 

[Haven]

Date: 3/5/2008 12:22:35 AM
Author: surfgirl

Date: 3/5/2008 12:15:35 AM

Author: risingsun

^^^Haven~I think having a registry is about as far as we can go toward suggesting what people might choose as wedding gifts. I often make a monetary gift, but that is my choice. No one is entitled to ask for money

I couldn''t agree more marian. Also, thank you for bringing back your original avatar...now I can recognize you again!

I am very much in agreement with you both. I even wish a teensy bit that registries resembled their original purpose--to inform guests of the couple''s chosen China pattern and linens. Now it seems like everything but (and often including) the kitchen sink is listed on a registry--I''ve even purchased a bagel slicer from a registry! I can''t even stomach the honeymoon registries that seem to be popping up now. Ah, well, the world is quickly moving around us, isn''t it?

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 3/5/2008 12:57:08 AM
Author: Haven

Date: 3/5/2008 12:22:35 AM
Author: surfgirl

Date: 3/5/2008 12:15:35 AM
Author: risingsun
^^^Haven~I think having a registry is about as far as we can go toward suggesting what people might choose as wedding gifts. I often make a monetary gift, but that is my choice. No one is entitled to ask for money

I couldn''t agree more marian. Also, thank you for bringing back your original avatar...now I can recognize you again!

I am very much in agreement with you both. I even wish a teensy bit that registries resembled their original purpose--to inform guests of the couple''s chosen China pattern and linens. Now it seems like everything but (and often including) the kitchen sink is listed on a registry--I''ve even purchased a bagel slicer from a registry! I can''t even stomach the honeymoon registries that seem to be popping up now. Ah, well, the world is quickly moving around us, isn''t it?

It really is quickly moving around us, much to the dismay of etiquette minded people such as ourselves. Ugh. My mom taught me well-I cringe at the thought of getting an invite like this! Or an invite with registry information in it.

I don''t even like going to a wedding or baby shower and being asked to fill out the envelope for the thank you note with my address. I''m like "You knew how to write out my address yourself when you sent me an invitation to your shower, but you can''t fill it out when you send me a thank you note?!" But I digress...sorry!

 

[ephemery1]

Date: 3/4/2008 1:06:49 PM
Author: Gypsy
The fact that there is a made up cutesy name 'Greenback Shower' does not make this any more appealing. Ick.

Seriously.... might even make it less appealing, if that's possible.

I've never heard of this either. Usually I'm pretty laidback about "etiquette" issues like this... honeymoon registries, or saying "gift cards welcome" on the registry, or having family/friends mention to people that cash is preferred because the couple is saving for something, for example. But this rubs me the wrong way. Ultimately it should be a guest's privilege to decide what they want to offer for a gift, not something mandated.

Personally, I also give a gift at the shower and money at the wedding, and I would probably turn down this shower invitation as well and send a card instead (sans "greenbacks").

ETA -- In situations where a couple might already have all the house stuff they need, I think it is appropriate to state that the couple has already accumulated enough essentials and gifts are not necessary, rather than suggest money instead. <-- But maybe in a slightly more eloquent phrase than that.

 

[Morgie44]

A friend of mine was recently invited to a shower like this, but this one was even worse IMO... Not only was it a money "shower" but the guests were asked to MAKE something out of the money to give as a gift, origami-style. YUCK!

 

[Mara]

Keepingthefaith...oh yeah if it was just an acquaintance or someone who has previously shown themselves to be ''all about the $$'' or material items or anything, I would definitely have not gone and no way would I miss a family sacrament for a shower anyway!

I am such a shower sucker I''d probably pay to get in if you needed to, I love parties with CAKE!!

 

[TravelingGal]

Even if culturally giving money is the norm (I think I posted on another thread that in some cultures, it''s expected to give cash rather than gifts), I have never hrad of actually putting something like that on an invite. And we Koreans are Kings of Tacky.

 

[Courtneylub]

Date: 3/4/2008 11:29:14 PM
Author: Haven

Date: 3/4/2008 11:11:54 PM
Author: risingsun

Date: 3/4/2008 3:00:13 PM

Author: Courtneylub

We put this on our honeymoon registry site:


''Fortunately, we have all of the toasters and European cheese graters anyone could ever need. Besides, everyone knows that the best cheese comes in a can. For that reason, we are asking those that would like to send a gift to make it the type that can go towards our honeymoon. Thanks, we love you!''


I would never come out and ask for money. I agree the invitation is tacky. If someone asks, our friends can mention our registry site or that we''d like gifts for honeymoon; ie: flip flops, hats, etc.

If I read this, I would think it was a request for money. If no one were to ask what it meant, I wouldn''t know what other way to interpret it

I thought the same thing, Marian.

As for the ''Greenback shower'' I''ve never heard of such a thing, but it sounds like just another euphemism for ''we''d like your money''. Trying to dictate the types of gifts you are given is presumptuous and just plain tacky. I would decline the shower, and send a handwritten note with kind wishes.

Ladies,

The "blurb" is ON the honeymoon registry site. We are only giving out that link when people ask where we are registered. It is not asking for money outright. It is asking for a romantic dinner ont he beach, snorkeling, etc. I''m seeing this as a very popular thing to do now...especially with older couples who are already settled.

 

[Courtneylub]

Even my mother, "Etiquette Queen" thinks this is ok to do.

If anyone thinks the registry is tacky, they don''t need to contribute.

Since we''re on the subject of money....

I''ve seen dozens of dollar dances. I don''t think it''s a big deal for younger couple to do. I can''t wait to see all the comments on this one.

What about envelope boxes? I''ve seen these as well.

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

Date: 3/5/2008 11:07:23 AM
Author: Courtneylub
Even my mother, ''Etiquette Queen'' thinks this is ok to do.

If anyone thinks the registry is tacky, they don''t need to contribute.

Since we''re on the subject of money....

I''ve seen dozens of dollar dances. I don''t think it''s a big deal for younger couple to do. I can''t wait to see all the comments on this one.

What about envelope boxes? I''ve seen these as well.

I am with you 100%. Maybe because I have so many friends from other cultures, but to decide one is definitively tacky because that''s how your parents did it is extremely narrowminded. At the Cyprus wedding I went to, some people brought gifts. The bride and groom were very gracious about it but their families were horrified that anyone would be so low class. The did a dollar dance type thing, but it had been done in Cyprus for generations, it would have been scandalous not too. Same thing with the Chinese and NY Jewish wedding I went to, its just different standards. In my family, we usually gove money so atleast on my side, no one will think twice about it although FI''s family may have a problem so we are setting up a registry for them.

I will say in none of the cultures was it ok to put gift info on the invite, I do think that is tacky.

 

[becoming_sadie]

I would be fine with it if it was a close friend; otherwise, not so much. Funny thing is that I usually end up spending more if I am buying a gift than if I give money.

 

[sklingem]

OK - the term "Greenback shower" is indeed very tacky. But! The idea of requesting money as a wedding gift does not seem outrageous to me. If it can help reduce the costs that can sometimes be prohibitive (I am in favor of keeping it small and simple), I don''t have any problem with that. On a side-note, a lot of people who decry asking for money as "tacky" don''t have any problems spending 30K on a huge diamond (which I think is tacky), 50K on a lavish wedding and have their parents pay for the entire thing as well when they could apparently afford to spend a huge amount of money on an engagement ring. So before talking about the ethics of requesting money, let''s all take a deep breath ...

 

[Haven]

Courtneylub--I apologize, I didn''t read your post closely enough at first and therefore didn''t realize that you already had this blurb up on your honeymoon website. Had I understood that, I wouldn''t have commented on your choice to include it. I thought that you were offering a less abrasive alternative for asking for money than what the OP had experienced.

To be clear, it is not the asking for money specifically that I find "tacky", rather it is the hosts'' presumption that they are entitled to a) assume that their guests will be giving them gifts, and then b) dictate what type of gift they are to be given.

I have the same problem with registries that include 20-pages of very small items as I do with registries that ask for money to pay for a couple''s honeymoon and celebrations titled "greenback".

It is presumptuous and gauche, in my opinion, to try to control the gifts that your guests choose to give you. A couple should not be inviting guests to their wedding to help them cover the cost of the celebration--these people are your guests, not your financial-backup plan, or your means of affording a wedding that is clearly beyond your means. If a couple is truly financially strapped, it is nobody''s responsibility but their own to repair their financial situation.

Sklingem--You seem to find the ways some people choose to spend their money (which, I must say, I don''t believe is anyone''s business but their own) as tacky, yet you don''t find it tacky for one person to try to dictate the way another person spends their money. This just seems backwards to me--if I choose to purchase a 30K diamond, that is nobody''s business. But if I ask you to give me money so I can go on a honeymoon that I couldn''t otherwise afford, then that choice becomes your business because I''m trying to dictate what you do with your finances. The latter is just plain bad manners, in my opinion.

As far as avoiding talking about the ethics of requesting money, I do believe that was the heart of the OP''s original question, so the issue is very much at home in this thread.

I do think that the bastardization of registries to include every single item one could want has lead to this problem we have of couples feeling entitled to dictate the gifts that their guests give.

As for the dollar dances and other such traditions, I recognize and respect the traditions of various cultures, religions, and regions. In fact, I''d never send a gift to a New York couple, as I understand that "cash is king" in the Big Apple, and I''ve happily participated in several dollar dances at the weddings of my Filipino friends.

There is a difference, however, between respecting one''s particular traditions, and disrespecting (and abusing) the good will of your guests.

 

[zoebartlett]

Date: 3/5/2008 1:06:12 AM
Author: thing2of2

Date: 3/5/2008 12:57:08 AM
Author: Haven

Date: 3/5/2008 12:22:35 AM
Author: surfgirl

Date: 3/5/2008 12:15:35 AM
Author: risingsun
^^^Haven~I think having a registry is about as far as we can go toward suggesting what people might choose as wedding gifts. I often make a monetary gift, but that is my choice. No one is entitled to ask for money

I couldn''t agree more marian. Also, thank you for bringing back your original avatar...now I can recognize you again!

I am very much in agreement with you both. I even wish a teensy bit that registries resembled their original purpose--to inform guests of the couple''s chosen China pattern and linens. Now it seems like everything but (and often including) the kitchen sink is listed on a registry--I''ve even purchased a bagel slicer from a registry! I can''t even stomach the honeymoon registries that seem to be popping up now. Ah, well, the world is quickly moving around us, isn''t it?

It really is quickly moving around us, much to the dismay of etiquette minded people such as ourselves. Ugh. My mom taught me well-I cringe at the thought of getting an invite like this! Or an invite with registry information in it.

I don''t even like going to a wedding or baby shower and being asked to fill out the envelope for the thank you note with my address. I''m like ''You knew how to write out my address yourself when you sent me an invitation to your shower, but you can''t fill it out when you send me a thank you note?!'' But I digress...sorry!

This must be a new thing. I''ve only seen it at one baby shower and although I wasn''t really put off by it, I can certainly understand how it could be perceived as lazy or whatever.

 

[FireGoddess]

Never heard of it, and I think the very idea of it is extremely gauche.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I have never heard of that either! I don''t blame you for not wanting to go.

 

[enbcfsobe]

Date: 3/5/2008 5:44:01 PM
Author: Haven

I do think that the bastardization of registries to include every single item one could want has lead to this problem we have of couples feeling entitled to dictate the gifts that their guests give.

I''m with you on pretty much everything you said, but I''m a little lost on this part. I feel like guests, rather than brides, drive this trend. Guests complain that everything on the registry is too expensive or too breakable or too something. So brides put smaller items on list. At least that has been my experience for myself and among my friends. Those smaller items are included so that our friends who may not be able to afford the expensive placesettings can feel like they are part of the registry game, and often at their insistence or request. I''m not sure how this is presumptuous or rude when it is responsive to guests.
Personally, I''d rather not have a registry altogether. It is there purely for the guests'' convenience, because at the end of the day, I couldn''t care less whether people buy off of that or not, whether it''s an ice cream scoop or a set of flatware. I certainly don''t want to spend my time picking items at different price points like I''m a department store buying agent. But I have probably gotten more questions about the registry so far than about the date. I don''t necessarily want cash either, but unfortunately people aren''t interested in spending the time to pick out a gift for you themselves. This is particularly disheartening when you spend hours trying to figure out how to accommodate their lodging, entertainment, food preferences, music preferences, etc.

Ok, vent over. Just sayin''.

 

[Haven]

Date: 3/5/2008 8:51:37 PM
Author: enbcfsobe

Date: 3/5/2008 5:44:01 PM

Author: Haven


I do think that the bastardization of registries to include every single item one could want has lead to this problem we have of couples feeling entitled to dictate the gifts that their guests give.

I''m with you on pretty much everything you said, but I''m a little lost on this part. I feel like guests, rather than brides, drive this trend. Guests complain that everything on the registry is too expensive or too breakable or too something. So brides put smaller items on list. At least that has been my experience for myself and among my friends. Those smaller items are included so that our friends who may not be able to afford the expensive placesettings can feel like they are part of the registry game, and often at their insistence or request. I''m not sure how this is presumptuous or rude when it is responsive to guests.

Personally, I''d rather not have a registry altogether. It is there purely for the guests'' convenience, because at the end of the day, I couldn''t care less whether people buy off of that or not, whether it''s an ice cream scoop or a set of flatware. I certainly don''t want to spend my time picking items at different price points like I''m a department store buying agent. But I have probably gotten more questions about the registry so far than about the date. I don''t necessarily want cash either, but unfortunately people aren''t interested in spending the time to pick out a gift for you themselves. This is particularly disheartening when you spend hours trying to figure out how to accommodate their lodging, entertainment, food preferences, music preferences, etc.


Ok, vent over. Just sayin''.

That''s a really interesting perspective, enbcfsobe, I never saw the registry in that light. My experience has been pretty much the opposite of how you view tings--I''ve heard countless othwerise well-mannered brides complain about guests who (GASP!) dared to purchase an item that was not on the registry. One friend actually said "Great. Now I have to take this set of hand-potted dishes to whatever little art gallery it came from and argue with some saleswoman about getting a refund." Her aunt purchased this gorgeous set of dishes for them, she wrote a lovely letter stating how she searched to find a set that was uniquely "them", and all this bride could do was complain because she hadn''t chosen the gift herself and placed it on the registry.

As for guests complaining about items on the registry, I just don''t understand that--you don''t HAVE to purchase off the registry. (Aaah, now herein lies the rub--if guests purchase off-registry, will the bride complain? Yet if the bride only lists a limited number of items on the registry, will the guests gripe?)

Anyway, most of my family members take pride in finding unique gifts that hold some special meaning for the recipient, so we''re definitely not a registry-only family.

(I love your screen name, by the way--I always hear that song in my head when I see you on the forums!)

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

Date: 3/5/2008 8:51:37 PM
Author: enbcfsobe

Date: 3/5/2008 5:44:01 PM
Author: Haven

I do think that the bastardization of registries to include every single item one could want has lead to this problem we have of couples feeling entitled to dictate the gifts that their guests give.

I''m with you on pretty much everything you said, but I''m a little lost on this part. I feel like guests, rather than brides, drive this trend. Guests complain that everything on the registry is too expensive or too breakable or too something. So brides put smaller items on list. At least that has been my experience for myself and among my friends. Those smaller items are included so that our friends who may not be able to afford the expensive placesettings can feel like they are part of the registry game, and often at their insistence or request. I''m not sure how this is presumptuous or rude when it is responsive to guests.
Personally, I''d rather not have a registry altogether. It is there purely for the guests'' convenience, because at the end of the day, I couldn''t care less whether people buy off of that or not, whether it''s an ice cream scoop or a set of flatware. I certainly don''t want to spend my time picking items at different price points like I''m a department store buying agent. But I have probably gotten more questions about the registry so far than about the date. I don''t necessarily want cash either, but unfortunately people aren''t interested in spending the time to pick out a gift for you themselves. This is particularly disheartening when you spend hours trying to figure out how to accommodate their lodging, entertainment, food preferences, music preferences, etc.

Ok, vent over. Just sayin''.

See, I have the opposite immpression. I personally would be mortified to spend a lot of money on a gift I thought the couple might like only to have them hate it or not need it. I can''t think of anything I would find more embarassing as a guest. That''s why I love registries, because of you went to all the trouble to add it, you probably actually want it. I know its the thought that counts, but I have had some gifts so atrocious it truely made me question the thought in the first place.

 

[enbcfsobe]

thx, Haven it is a good reminder for me, too.
i''m glad i was able to give a different perspective. maybe it''s just me. i understand the concern brazen, but i also feel like if you don''t know me or my FI well enough to get something at least one of us would like, why are you at my wedding at all?? i like prezzies and all, and think it would be bad form for someone not to bring anything at all (even if it is an IOU or homemade craft or something like that), but i just don''t get all tied up in it. for my bat mitzvah, i got some things that seemed atrocious at the time -- jewelery way too sophistacated for a 13-year old, a heavy-duty duffel bag -- but are things that i appreciated so much later on in life as i realized their value, both from the practical and monetary perspectives. i guess i''ve learned that you can''t dismiss a gift just because it isn''t what you expected or wanted. i''ve also learned that some of the things i want, i need to buy for myself if i want them to be just so. anyway, enough rambling. back to trying to bill more hours...

 

[hannah]

Tacky.

My girlfriend got a baby shower invitation that stated that there was going to be a ''money tree'' at the entrance of the hall (where guests could hang their money).

A co-worker received an wedding invitation and the little insert said "We''re registered at Bank of America" and their bank account number listed underneath!

I have no problem giving money as a gift. Just don''t tell me what to give you, you know what I mean?

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Definitely tacky. I think gift registries are wonderful. Return the stuff for refunds if you want cash. But I can''t ever see it being proper to ask for money. Ever.

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

wow this has gone off in all kinds of directions!!! i work in a registry, a large nation-wide one at that, so i had my own input ideas when it came to my own registries.

flat out asking for money is a little weird to me, especially at a shower! showers are for presents, but, i don''t think there is anything wrong with including where you have registered on a shower invitation. it makes your guests lives easier. i can''t even recall how many times someone has come to me to shop off a registry and they had an invitation in an envelope and about 5 different little registry cards fell out...what a pita! and then you print the brides registry and there are about 5 things which are all over 100 and then the poor person looks heartbroken.

i don''t think there''s anything wrong with printing registry information on a shower invite, less paper, less stuff to loose. along with that, a registry is a wishlist. if you think you want it or need it, register for it. you never know who might want to get it for you and you are always better off registering for to much than to little. people get beyond pissed when there''s nothing left to choose from.

aside from that, what''s wrong with a honeymoon registry? i mean, i could see it being an issue if it was the only registry, not to many gifts to open there, but i have one as a supplement to my two in-store registries for people who would rather do something different. what''s wrong with giving people options? and as far as the gift card thing goes, i have seen plenty of registry shoppers get frustrated and then wonder if it would be ok to just buy a giftcard, it is so much easier for them if you just say a gift card is ok. i put it as a sidenote on my wedding website with the links to my registries, it just says that "gift cards are always welcome". if people take it the wrong way, oh well, you can''t please everyone.

 

[Future Mrs Polka Dot]

Date: 3/5/2008 4:00:33 PM
Author: sklingem
On a side-note, a lot of people who decry asking for money as ''tacky'' don''t have any problems spending 30K on a huge diamond (which I think is tacky), 50K on a lavish wedding and have their parents pay for the entire thing as well when they could apparently afford to spend a huge amount of money on an engagement ring.

Sorry, but I don''t really see how either of these is tacky. Being financially well off and choosing to buy a large diamond ring, or finance a lavish wedding for one''s children, doesn''t strike me as tacky. Why is it tacky that someone''s parents would pay for their wedding, regardless of the size of the bride''s ring?

 

[Lynnie]

I agree with most of you that blatently asking for cash is tacky, rude and overall unappealing.
I am getting married in april 09, and would NEVER think to put these things in my invites.. although I do prefer cash as a gift (We''re paying for the wedding ourselves). We''ve been together 8 years, lived together for 6, so we pretty much have all the household items we need.
So I figured I''d just register for china at Macy''s, and a few oddball things at Target.
If the people you''re inviting really KNOW you and love you and understand your financial/hardship/whatever you want to call it situation, they should not have to be TOLD to give money. Sure, maybe Great-aunt Elva will hand-knit not-so-stunning chartreuse and burnt-orange matching sweaters for the two of you, but that''s better than hurting her feelings!
Can you guess?? I would''ve turned down the invitation, too!

 

[Pandora II]

Date: 3/5/2008 11:19:02 PM
Author: Future Mrs Polka Dot

Date: 3/5/2008 4:00:33 PM
Author: sklingem
On a side-note, a lot of people who decry asking for money as ''tacky'' don''t have any problems spending 30K on a huge diamond (which I think is tacky), 50K on a lavish wedding and have their parents pay for the entire thing as well when they could apparently afford to spend a huge amount of money on an engagement ring.

Sorry, but I don''t really see how either of these is tacky. Being financially well off and choosing to buy a large diamond ring, or finance a lavish wedding for one''s children, doesn''t strike me as tacky. Why is it tacky that someone''s parents would pay for their wedding, regardless of the size of the bride''s ring?

I''m with you here Mrs Polka Dot.

FI and I spent very little on my e-ring compared with a lot on PS and with what we could have afforded, but it was what I felt happy with. If a couple choose to spend $30k... just make sure you post the pics up here!

My parents are paying for my wedding because my father feels that it is part of his responsibility as the father of the bride - if it was up to me, we would be eloping. I don''t know anyone who expects their parents to fund a wedding. You may have noticed on PS that most of us are trying to cut our budgets down as cleverly and as much as we can.

For me the whole gift thing is a bit like a dinner party - if guests choose to bring a bottle of wine, or flowers or whatever, then that is a lovely gesture but not expected. I certainly wouldn''t expect them to give me money.

Personally I feel uncomfortable about having a registry at all - but most of our friends prefer the convenience of buying online and not hunting for something. I am putting lots of cheaper items on as I don''t want people to feel they have to spend $x.

I understand that some cultures have traditions of giving money, or of having dollar dances. If that is the case I wouldn''t see it as tacky for them - but I would still give a physical gift as that is my cultures tradition.

On the whole, I do think dollar dances are a supremely tacky idea.

 

[Gypsy]

I see registries as a convenience to both sides... the bride and the groom and the guests as well.

Even my closests friends would have trouble picking out a china pattern that would suit both of us... heck some of them can''t pick china/crystal/flatware, etc for THEMSELVES without angst. LOL. So it helps them to know what our tastes are. Even my own mother has trouble chosing gifts for me and includes a gift reciept whenever she gets me a gift. As a guest at weddings I LOVE a well thought out (price points etc) registry. I don''t see it as laziness on my part to use the registry, and I have bought off registry as well, but generally... its a nice feeling to go on the website and see what the couple wants and KNOW that I''m getting them something they like.

As a bride, I love the fact that IF people want to get me a gift, they have the option to get me something that I obviously like and will appreciate.

Also like Lynnie, we have been together for a long time and have many household items already. Many of the things I''m registering for are ''upgrades'' to what I have now. And yes, I made every effort to make sure there are a PLETHORA of gifts under 100, and under 50 dollars as well. Don''t get me wrong I have 3 items over 500, and several over a 100, but the majority is under 100, and much of that is under 50.

As for the whole cash issue. I would have MUCH preferred to register for a honeymoon or furniture-- or heck, flat out ask for cash. But in my family and in John''s family that isn''t done. SO... Bed, Bath and Beyond, and putting the word out about cash is the limits of what I can do. John''s family gives gifts at showers and cash at weddings anyway, so it''s not a huge issue. But with my family... you WILL get 3 dozen ugly EXPENSIVE vases and platters if you don''t register.

My uncle got married 4 years ago, and they regretted not registering because they got a ton of pricey, but useless gifts and had to go out and purchase all the stuff they should have just registered for anyway.

Courtney... I thought you had included that on your invites to your shower or on your wedding website or something. I didn''t know it was IN the honeymoon website link.