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Have you experienced sexual harassment at work? How did you handle it?

Hope that your DH's interview goes well. So sorry to hear about this new work madness-seriously, what is wrong with these people!
 
I've been heated about this and I kept veering in to battle, which isn't what you needed- so there were many comments I left hanging. But I've been following and swearing in fury for you from my chair here. I can't help it, I spit fire.
You've handled all of this beautifully.

Best of luck to you both and I have a good feeling. Things do coalesce, and you're putting positive out there in so many ways that there is no room for this crap.

You just keep on being a good people.
I'm proud of you.
 
@junebug17, it really has been awful, I never expected taking a simple retail job would turn into this! Still it is part of the greater journey and has made me a stronger person who speaks up for herself so that is the silver lining. Thanks for your support.

@Lookinagain, you know when I thought about it, I decided I’m leaving whether he gets the new job or not. At this point my four hour shifts are mostly down to three hours (they are giving me less work but I’m also faster than I was) so when I actually looked at my contribution to the household, it’s not enough to justify the effects on my mental health. I will keep the thread updated and thanks for your support.

@stracci2000, I thought working in an office was bad but it was nothing compared to this. What is so stupid to me is if indeed I was having an affair with this 19 year old guy (completely gross anyways) why in the hell would we stand and talk in front of the store in the parking lot?! God, it just baffles me how much people care about what other people are doing this much. Anyways, thanks for the well wishes, I am getting out no matter what. I plan on telling them this week.
 
@lulu_ma, thank you for the well wishes. I have no idea what is wrong with this other manager but she was literally seething one night and confronted me as I was leaving about our parking lot conversations. Honest to God I was so disgusted with her and let her know as much. Can’t wait to get out of there!

@ItsMainelyYou, thank you, your words mean so much and are very appreciated. Honestly I should have just left months ago but I’ve been reluctant because of both the comfort of knowing the job and not wanting to have a schedule that takes me away from my family even more. Now though I have reached my personal limit, I can’t see anything redeeming about this job anymore and it’s going more harm than good at this point. Time to get out.
 
YadaYadaYada said:
@Lookinagain, you know when I thought about it, I decided I’m leaving whether he gets the new job or not.
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Good for you!

YadaYadaYada said:
I have no idea what is wrong with this other manager but she was literally seething one night and confronted me as I was leaving about our parking lot conversations.
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That's so strange, I wonder if she has some weird attraction to that person. It actually sounds like jealousy to me.

YadaYadaYada said:
Time to get out
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Totally agree! So glad that you made this decision. And please, still write the letter to the upper management. Local, but also corporate, if there is a "corporate".
 
@Lookinagain, I don’t think what’s going on with this manager is jealousy, she is 62 and this guy is 19. It seems like she may have had a personal experience with infidelity and seeing us talking once a week outside triggered her. This is just a guess but it’s the only logical explanation I’ve been able to come up with.
 
Bloody hell.
You talk to a young lad human to human and that means you're sleeping with him? How insulting. I'd like to say I'm astonished as how basic these coworkers are but honestly, I work with the same lot of folks. Muttering under breath.
Leave. As you say, the take home isn't worth your mental health and amen to going out with a bang. Blow that f*cking bridge up, I say. Sorry, bit triggered I guess. Back to you.
Dust for hubbo getting the job that pays. Both for him and to give you more options.
 
Who misconstrues kindness like that and has the audacity to be vocal in their idiocy?
See?! I hear more and I want to...anger-inside-out-walking-hhrzjjmu7i37uafz.gif

Yes, get away from there. You don't want it and you don't need it. None of this is worth the indigestion. Time to beat feet.
 
Ugh, there is something seriously wrong with that manager's head, making such an accusation.
I think you are doing well to leave.
 
@Begonia right because anytime males and females are talking that must mean more apparently, we can’t have talking for talking sake! Thanks for the support and I loved your “blow the f*cking bridge up” I am doubtful anything will change but at least the scumbag will know he finally met his match. He clearly has an issue with women, there are things he has said to my co-workers that no man with any amount of decency or respect for women would ever say.

@pearlsngems thank you for the support, I am baffled but not surprised, the whole store is just a cauldron of toxicity.
 
@Calliecake, so true, if there is one thing for sure I’m not a quitter, I’ve stuck it out with this place for way too long. I’m giving my notice Thursday and DH interviews for this new job tomorrow. These are exciting times.

The friendship with this much younger guy although unconventional has been mutually beneficial. He gets the wisdom of someone 25 years older than him and I get the younger perspective and insight from someone of our older son’s generation. I have to say that I am so glad I’m Gen X!
 
something really yucky happened at work this wee

not to me but to our lady manager and two others ladies - all in their 60's

so first some backstory
so at work (bakery shop) we make our own sandwiches rather than get them from the actual bakery, our other shop and the wee shop at the bakery also makes their own sandwhiches
we get this awsome lettuce,grown locally, its fancy green ruffeled and buttercrunch, especially in the winter it makes a sandwhich look a million dollars with all this lovely green
we buy a lot of lettuce as we make a lot of sandwhiches,filled rolls, wraps, pannies etc and they are fresh every day
so all three shops seem to get their lettuce from different suppliers .... probably not cost effective but we love the lettuce that we get

anyway (im getting to the point) the man who grows our lettuce is really sick and is winding up his growing opperation, he is just selling out the last of the produce as it matures
he has an older man -who is his friend, help him out part time including deliveries
so for like the last 2 months he's been saying their wont be much more lettuce - we can order twice a week
anyway its delivered way before i get to work as i do close,
we open at 6.30 but the ladies are their earlier
its not unusual to get deliveries before we open -coke etc
anyway i have only met the lettuce guy once as he is gone by the time i arrive, but i hear all about the joking and friendly -completly innocent hillerioty that goes on -i must just add while work is being done

well i got to work on friday and my boss wasnt there -she had gone home sick = or it turns out terrible destreessed because something had happened
the lettuce man had gone to give her good buy (lettuce has run out) hug
but he grabbed her behind and tried to kiss her on the mouth

this man is married as is my boss
anyway she hadnt said anything but he had tried it on last week and she had been worrying about it all week and had asked our own bakery van driver to please hang around till after the lettuce was delivered -she had told him what happened the week before and he said she must tell the lettuce man that his behavour was completly unexceptable
anyway the van driver wasnt around when the lettuce arrived

anyway yesterday (sat) the other lady who doesnt work weekends but does opens 3 days a week called in for a chat- she never does that on a saturday
she was very tearful looking -she lives on her own and wanted someone to talk to
turns out the lettuce man had done the same thing to her last week also
then she said that the other lady -who has only recently started had the same thing happen to her also -last week
tried to kiss on mouth and grabbed thier bottoms

Gary said this is extreamly dangerouse behavour, and should be reported to the police
with the fish and chip shop next door still closed after the fire and the chemist on the other side all staffed by woman and quite out of ear shot -not that they would be open that early anyway , we are quite alone till the customers start arriving

anyway all 3 ladies seem to feel quilty that it happened to the other two also
i dont know all the inns and outs but everyone is very upset
 
pearlsngems said:
That is terrible, @Daisys and Diamonds. I hope it is reported to police.
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i hope so too
to do it to all three of them over the course of a week takes it to a whole different level in my book
turns out the shop that is run by our owner's young daughter (who is maybe 22 -23 ish) changed their lettuce supplier last year because they all found him too creepy
 
Daisys and Diamonds said:
i hope so too
to do it to all three of them over the course of a week takes it to a whole different level in my book
turns out the shop that is run by our owner's young daughter (who is maybe 22 -23 ish) changed their lettuce supplier last year because they all found him too creepy
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He needs to be reported or the behavior will never stop/change. Is there security camera footage?
 
canuk-gal said:
That is sad. But two people meeting this person--where possible--would help. And/Or cell phone on video. This is outrageous. I am seething.
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the space behind the counters is quite narrow -its L shaped, behind the creams cabinet is the counter and till, which are in front of the buns and bread, behind the sandwhich cabinet and pie warmer is the sandwhich making bench,opposite a big fridge, and a long bench, everything out front is glass so you can see right through
with a small room behind with the sinks and the back door
one would have been serving, putting the fresh creams away and heating pies while the other is making sandwhiches all the while vissible to the customers out the front (except it was before we opened)
i cant belave he had the balls to do that bascially in the same room with the other lady he had done it to last week

its monday today (my day off) i ment to ring to see how they are but its too late now as they will be busy
 
Calliecake said:
@Daisys and Diamonds, Please don’t go anywhere near this man. The fact that he is so bold that he did this to three women in a week is scary as hell. Who knows what he is capable of.
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thank you but its ok, im still at home in bed when he comes into work - but hopefully he will never come near the place ever again as we will have a new lettuce supplier

but yes Gary says he is dangerouse and as you say who knows what he is capable of
 
@Daisys and Diamonds, I just wanted to offer support for the situation with this creepy psycho lettuce guy, he is obviously a predator and does these things because he can get away with it. He should be reported to the police and I hope the his victims decide to go this route after you talk to them.
 
YadaYadaYada said:
@Daisys and Diamonds, I just wanted to offer support for the situation with this creepy psycho lettuce guy, he is obviously a predator and does these things because he can get away with it. He should be reported to the police and I hope the his victims decide to go this route after you talk to them.
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this is what Gary says too
he said what if he does it to children
also we have a lot of sharp knives at work ....my lady boss mentioned that today too
 
Daisys and Diamonds said:
yes, i will talk to the ladies tomorrow, one of our nice customers is a policemen, he lives over the road from work actually
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I would also urge this, it sounds like escalation to me, that many women in a short period who could compare notes? That's odd- he would think about this- and he's doing it anyway betting on shock and shame to keep them quiet. The scary thing is he'll move on to another position and assault more people. Now he's had practice. He needs to be on police radar, before he feels bold enough to do more somewhere else.
 
Daisys and Diamonds said:
yes, i will talk to the ladies tomorrow, one of our nice customers is a policemen, he lives over the road from work actually
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I'm sorry this is happening to your coworkers. Please try to convince them to go to the police. Even if nothing happens legally now, they need to create a history of his abuse. When he does it again, and you can bet he probably will, those reports will help the next woman who reports him.

Is the abuser the sick grower or the man who helps out with deliveries? I've got to wonder if this escalation in abuse is because he thinks he will never see you all again and get off scot-free.
 
Austina said:
I’m so sorry you’re going through this @YadaYadaYada The others have given you excellent advice and I hope you managed to tell this creep to keep his hands off, or else.

Unfortunately, there probably aren’t many of us who haven’t experienced in one situation or another.
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Unfortunately that last point you make is true, even for us men. There's a lot of good advice here that I don't need to repeat, even if the way I handled my situations was different.

Mind you, back then I was 210lb with 17 inch biceps and trained in both BJJ and kickboxing. I'm typically non-confrontational but I am also not afraid of directly confronting someone for something if I feel I need to as I am confident enough in my abilities if things are to end up physical. I don't recommend it for anyone who feels they may have their safety in jeopardy.
 
This thread stirred so many emotions in me. I want to confront my harasser and let him know how this have affected my life. I really don't how to deal with the anger; I even try to stalk him on Facebook but it was a long time ago and no one looked like him {don't we all}.
I still am angry an want some kind of "closure. I still feel angry that this happened and I let it happen. I want some apology ;admission that he KNEW it was wrong.
When Cuomo resigned, I felt some anger; but this thread ENRAGED me; it was the first time I've been able to articulate it.

I would like to thank everyone was so kind about my original post.
 
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