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Have you experienced sexual harassment at work? How did you handle it?

In case anyone was wondering how things are going, here is a little update. Prior to talking to Mr. Handsy, I nearly always worked on Saturdays and was off most Sundays. Since our conversation, I'm now off on Saturdays (when he works) and working Sundays (because he leaves at 8:30 am and I come in at 10 am). Basically , by doing this he never has to see or work with me. The only benefit is I actually get paid more to work Sunday.

He is such a freaking coward and yes based on principle and what an absolutely $hit show things have been since the other manager left, I really should leave. The only reason I'm still there is because it’s convenient, I have a lot of other stuff going on and looking for a new job is something I really don't need the stress of right now. Anyways that’s the scoop.
 
As long as working Sundays isn’t an inconvenience to you this sounds like a great outcome for you! I love never ever seeing the annoying men I work with lol
 
YadaYadaYada said:
In case anyone was wondering how things are going, here is a little update. Prior to talking to Mr. Handsy, I nearly always worked on Saturdays and was off most Sundays. Since our conversation, I'm now off on Saturdays (when he works) and working Sundays (because he leaves at 8:30 am and I come in at 10 am). Basically , by doing this he never has to see or work with me. The only benefit is I actually get paid more to work Sunday.

He is such a freaking coward and yes based on principle and what an absolutely $hit show things have been since the other manager left, I really should leave. The only reason I'm still there is because it’s convenient, I have a lot of other stuff going on and looking for a new job is something I really don't need the stress of right now. Anyways that’s the scoop.
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I take it he makes out the schedule?
So he has fixed it so he can avoid you.
Perhaps he did this cause he was afraid you'd go to management, so he's covering his a$$, so to speak.
Sounds like it is better for everyone, in the end.
I'm glad you don't have to see him anymore.
 
Funny thing is I have always preferred Saturdays because then I’m off from 2pm Saturday until Monday at 5pm, so that kind of stinks. At the same time not having to see him is almost worth it and then more money is never a bad thing. DH seems to think he can’t control himself so he is doing this to keep himself honest @Dreamer_D

@stracci2000, he makes the schedule now yes. I mean literally just don’t touch me, how hard is that? No touching, no problems but avoidance is probably the safe route for him. I did work one Saturday (the schedules are done 2 weeks ahead so it was the female manager who wrote it) since the female manager left and he barely spoke to me. He would leave me work (boxes of cookies to pan but no instructions as to how many) and I would have to ask one of the other women how many to do. Maybe he thinks barely speaking to me and the schedule change is punishment and that makes me a little sick, like you’re the one with the issue but you’re punishing me, okay buddy.
 
YadaYadaYada said:
Funny thing is I have always preferred Saturdays because then I’m off from 2pm Saturday until Monday at 5pm, so that kind of stinks. At the same time not having to see him is almost worth it and then more money is never a bad thing. DH seems to think he can’t control himself so he is doing this to keep himself honest @Dreamer_D

@stracci2000, he makes the schedule now yes. I mean literally just don’t touch me, how hard is that? No touching, no problems but avoidance is probably the safe route for him. I did work one Saturday (the schedules are done 2 weeks ahead so it was the female manager who wrote it) since the female manager left and he barely spoke to me. He would leave me work (boxes of cookies to pan but no instructions as to how many) and I would have to ask one of the other women how many to do. Maybe he thinks barely speaking to me and the schedule change is punishment and that makes me a little sick, like you’re the one with the issue but you’re punishing me, okay buddy.
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I wonder if he's embarrassed and not big enough, or litigiously too worried, to apologize.
 
Begonia said:
I wonder if he's embarrassed and not big enough, or litigiously too worried, to apologize.
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He technically apologized when I confronted him.

I didn’t pay attention to this when it happened because I had just started there but one of the other guys in the department said something about him one time. They got into a heated exchange and this guy later told me that he has a very negative opinion about women and that’s why he didn’t have any respect for him.

No, this is just straight retaliation IMO because I stood up to him, really pathetic but as long as it benefits me it’s fine for now. I just wonder if all retail environments are this dysfunctional, I never had any problems working in an office.
 
O boy, you have opened a sore, degrading subject here. Years ago {and I mean YEARS} I worked for a prestigious, international law firm in NYC. I had been laid off from another company and was living in an apartment I could barely afford; when I got this job I was thrilled.

I was sharing an office with an alcoholic. He started out saying the most inappropriate and disgusting things; was I on the rag, did I use tampons, I'd love to put a mirror under your desk so I can see up your skirt; grabbing me when he came in the office. You have to Remember that this was waayy before this was a subject women talked about.

He started calling me at night. I went to my boss, the controller and he promised something would be done {wink wink, nudge nudge}. Things were OK for a while, he started on me again and I still wasn't comfortable and went back to the boss. I was then assigned to a different office and soon became a supervisor. I always thought that was a pacifying ploy.

I was scared {and scarred} by the whole thing, I wasn't making a lot of money, I lived alone, and the rent was high.

Funny thing was I met my husband there, we dated {a company no no} but I didn't tell him until after I left the firm. He said had I told him before he would have kicked the shite out of him all the way down the hall.

Just writing this out and venting has made me cry all over again, but m thrilled that this subject is now out in the open and women don't have to put up with this shite anymore. {and maybe a little bit bitter.}
 
I believe you can run into these kinds of situations in any kind of workplace, though the flavour might vary. Petty abusive people weasel in all kinds of spots.

I know it sucks but I just want to support you in leaving sooner than later if it starts feeling like the balance of good-bad has tipped. My husband stayed in a toxic workplace for years longer than he should. Now that he’s in a a company he loves with a healthy workplace culture he often asks “why didn’t I leave sooner??”

Hugs.
 
That is horrific @Amber St. Clare, I’m so sorry you experienced that and also that this thread opened up a wound. Big hugs! Not trying to negate all the bad but how awesome that you met your husband there, at least there was some light in the darkness you know?

@Dreamer_D, I appreciate your support and believe me I am very strongly considering leaving. At the moment though I’m still dealing with some health issues and if I take on trying to find a new job it will be too much. I just don’t want to leave one crap situation for another or worse one, I guess that’s the pessimist in me lol! I am glad your husband found a new job he is happier with, we spend so much time at work that it shouldn’t be a source of unnecessary stress and unhappiness.
 
I understand that balance! Just listen to your gut. My husband also was afraid of going from the frying pan to the fire.
 
YadaYadaYada said:
That is horrific @Amber St. Clare, I’m so sorry you experienced that and also that this thread opened up a wound. Big hugs! Not trying to negate all the bad but how awesome that you met your husband there, at least there was some light in the darkness you know?

@Dreamer_D, I appreciate your support and believe me I am very strongly considering leaving. At the moment though I’m still dealing with some health issues and if I take on trying to find a new job it will be too much. I just don’t want to leave one crap situation for another or worse one, I guess that’s the pessimist in me lol! I am glad your husband found a new job he is happier with, we spend so much time at work that it shouldn’t be a source of unnecessary stress and unhappiness.
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Don't let this stupid guy drive you away from your job.
You stood up to him! Now let him run away with tail between the legs, not you!
 
YadaYadaYada said:
He technically apologized when I confronted him.

I didn’t pay attention to this when it happened because I had just started there but one of the other guys in the department said something about him one time. They got into a heated exchange and this guy later told me that he has a very negative opinion about women and that’s why he didn’t have any respect for him.

No, this is just straight retaliation IMO because I stood up to him, really pathetic but as long as it benefits me it’s fine for now. I just wonder if all retail environments are this dysfunctional, I never had any problems working in an office.
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I work retail food service and as far as toxicity, it's really effed up that way. Throw in a union and it's survival of the fittest, which seems to be the scummiest and sneakiest survive, sady. Needless to say, I'm on on STD. Again.
 
Begonia said:
I work retail food service and as far as toxicity, it's really effed up that way. Throw in a union and it's survival of the fittest, which seems to be the scummiest and sneakiest survive, sady. Needless to say, I'm on on STD. Again.
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Yes, I’m part of a union too, I’m not letting him chase me out but I also won’t sacrifice my mental health if it gets overwhelming. Sorry about your STD, make sure you take care of you, no job is worth losing health, mental or otherwise for.
 
If he changed your schedule to a less desirable schedule as a result of you objecting to his sexually harassing you, that is illegal retaliation. Before you quit, please seriously consider consulting a lawyer, reporting the situation to your union rep, and reporting it to management. You deserve a workplace free of harassment AND free of retaliation!
 
glitterata said:
If he changed your schedule to a less desirable schedule as a result of you objecting to his sexually harassing you, that is illegal retaliation. Before you quit, please seriously consider consulting a lawyer, reporting the situation to your union rep, and reporting it to management. You deserve a workplace free of harassment AND free of retaliation!
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This is not meant to be argumentative but technically isn’t the schedule change more desirable in my favor since I get paid a premium for working Sundays?

I agree that it is retaliatory, first thing I thought when I saw my schedule for the week.
 
YadaYadaYada said:
This is not meant to be argumentative but technically isn’t the schedule change more desirable in my favor since I get paid a premium for working Sundays?

I agree that it is retaliatory, first thing I thought when I saw my schedule for the week.
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No, it's less desirable TO YOU, which is what matters. And working on Sundays is less desirable to most people, which is why they pay a premium for it.
 
A strange man just hugged me and it pissed me off!
I bought an eggplant in the grocery store, and it rang up the wrong price.
I went to customer service, and the lady at the counter called the produce manager over.
I never saw this man before. Young, maybe 25 or 30 years old. He looked at me kinda funny, you know.....that creepy, skeevy look.
She tells him about the incorrect price, and how it's happened before, etc.

She gives me the refund, and suddenly he says "We made it right! I'm with the customer!" And suddenly he gives me this tight side hug!
It happened so fast, I didn't know what to do. I just pulled away from him, grabbed my receipt and left.
What's wrong with people???!!
 
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stracci2000 said:
A strange man just hugged me and it pissed me off!
I bought an eggplant in the grocery store, and it rang up the wrong price.
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First, know that I am with you on this one. I would have given that young man a few whacks with the eggplant for the unsolicited hug. Kinda like Gladys Ormphby did with her purse.


What's making me :lol-2: is that you were in possession of an eggplant (the emoji of which signifies a penis) for which you received a refund while being inappropriately touched by a self-congratulatory man. Perhaps he knew the eggplant didn't measure up. It's too much, it's just too much.
 
Matata said:
First, know that I am with you on this one. I would have given that young man a few whacks with the eggplant for the unsolicited hug. Kinda like Gladys Ormphby did with her purse.


What's making me :lol-2: is that you were in possession of an eggplant (the emoji of which signifies a penis) for which you received a refund while being inappropriately touched by a self-congratulatory man. Perhaps he knew the eggplant didn't measure up. It's too much, it's just too much.
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Ruth Buzzy and Artie Johnson!
Didn't we all love them? That hairnet!

So the eggplant was for eggplant parmesan, which is currently in the oven.
It was a nice fat Italian eggplant, with very few seeds.
That dolt had no clue about eggplants or anything they might hint at.
Just because you work in the produce section doesn't mean you know anything, that's for sure.
He was a real jagoff, a term which I know you are familiar with:lol:
 
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stracci2000 said:
Ruth Buzzy and Artie Johnson!
Didn't we all love them? That hairnet!

So the eggplant was for eggplant parmesan, which is currently in the oven.
It was a nice fat Italian eggplant, with very few seeds.
That dolt had no clue about eggplants or anything they might hint at.
Just because you work in the produce section doesn't mean you know anything, that's for sure.
He was a real jagoff, a term which I know you are familiar with:lol:
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Yuk and yikes. And the Laugh In reference was apropos.

Enjoy your EP (my fav).
 
OMG @stracci2000 I am so sorry that happened to you, people feel entitled to other people’s bodies it seems, it is a strange world to live in right now.

Of course it had to be an eggplant! Next time make chicken parm and be a decent woman! :lol:
 
YadaYadaYada said:
OMG @stracci2000 I am so sorry that happened to you, people feel entitled to other people’s bodies it seems, it is a strange world to live in right now.

Of course it had to be an eggplant! Next time make chicken parm and be a decent woman! :lol:
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I also had zucchinis in my cart, but they came up the right price......lol

But seriously, what a dumbshit.
He also took the liberty of spinning my eggplant on the counter like a football, which also made me mad. Immature and childish.

Does he touch his coworkers when he gets the chance? Is he out for a quick feel? Is he just immature and have no boundaries? Did he know I'm twice his age?
I don't know, but I will steer clear of him next time I'm in that store.
Of course I could've reported him to management, but in the moment, I just walked out.
 
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Alright, if everything goes right this week, I will be giving my two weeks notice. DH is going for an interview Wednesday where he will be making significantly more money if he gets the job. This would be life changing for us and would enable me to quit and try to figure out my next move.

Up until now I have only stayed because I don’t want to move into another retail job because it means I would be working every Saturday and Sunday. At least where I am now, because my schedule was changed after I confronted my manager, I have every other weekend off.

Things have only gotten worse, including one of the managers in another department being absolutely nasty to me because she thinks I’m having an affair with a guy in another department, all because she has seen us talking in the parking lot after work. So on top of my scumbag manager, now I have this whole other issue. Obviously, nothing is going on, he is two years older than our oldest son and is not close with his parents so he asks me for advice and we talk about school and work etc.

I plan on writing a detailed letter when I give my notice to the store manager about my manager and what is going on and about this other manager. It won’t change anything but it will give me some closure on this whole nightmare.

Thank you for all who have read this thread and offered support and encouragement, I really appreciate everyone who has taken the time to contribute to this thread.
 
YadaYadaYada said:
Alright, if everything goes right this week, I will be giving my two weeks notice. DH is going for an interview Wednesday where he will be making significantly more money if he gets the job. This would be life changing for us and would enable me to quit and try to figure out my next move.

Up until now I have only stayed because I don’t want to move into another retail job because it means I would be working every Saturday and Sunday. At least where I am now, because my schedule was changed after I confronted my manager, I have every other weekend off.

Things have only gotten worse, including one of the managers in another department being absolutely nasty to me because she thinks I’m having an affair with a guy in another department, all because she has seen us talking in the parking lot after work. So on top of my scumbag manager, now I have this whole other issue. Obviously, nothing is going on, he is two years older than our oldest son and is not close with his parents so he asks me for advice and we talk about school and work etc.

I plan on writing a detailed letter when I give my notice to the store manager about my manager and what is going on and about this other manager. It won’t change anything but it will give me some closure on this whole nightmare.

Thank you for all who have read this thread and offered support and encouragement, I really appreciate everyone who has taken the time to contribute to this thread.
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I hate that you are still dealing with all this. Fingers crossed your hubby gets the job and you find a new place that brings you peace and appreciates/values you. Life has way too much stress and struggles alone to have this kind of crud on top of it.
 
Oh no!! What the heck?! Wishing your DH and all the luck with the interview! Hope he gets the job and you’re able to find something (or not) that doesn’t tax your mental health. :pray: That’s not right or healthy for you. Good luck to the Hubby!
 
That is absolutely terrible. Sending so much positive energy for your husband's interview! I hope you'll be able to put this behind you soon!
 
@lavenderdragonfly23, thank you, I can’t really ask for anyone to feel badly for me because I have chosen to stay in this toxic situation. Everything happens for a reason though and I have learned a lot from this so I’m trying to view it through that lens.

@Slickk, thank you for your support. I would like to work in some capacity and if he gets this job it would give him more freedom (time and money) for me to feel comfortable finding something that is a better fit. For a while I stuck with this job because I rationalized that not working would be worse for me me mentally but that is not the case anymore.

@newtojewels, yes it really has been awful and so I haven’t been here much. Honestly I dealt with the manager and because I never see him, it became a non-issue. However having people confront me directly about their beliefs that I am a cheater and probably spreading malicious rumors about me, no that is too much. I tried not to care but when you aren’t doing anything wrong and get treated as if you are, it slowly eats at you. Thank you for the support.
 
Oh gosh, @YadaYadaYada, I'm so sorry that things have gone from bad to worse. How awful to have to deal with such ugly and false accusations. I'll be hoping your dh gets the new job so you can just get out of there and put all of this behind you.
 
Best of luck to your husband at the interview. And that you can leave this toxic situation. I think writing the detailed letter will get it off of your chest, as well as make upper management think about the environment in the work place. At least it should. Spreading rumors about other employees that are unfounded and based on speculation is unacceptable and that manager should be spoken to. Keep us posted, and again, good luck.
 
Unfortunately, working with other people always seems to come to this. Gossip and backstabbing gets to be a problem. People only see what they want to see, and they delight in spreading rumors. Good riddance to the whole store!
Good luck to hubby, and I hope you get something else you like much better❤️
 
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