Find your diamond
Find your jewelry
shape
carat
color
clarity

Have you experienced sexual harassment at work? How did you handle it?

Tank you. I sat and thought last night a realized what a good life I have so far and end I feel the universe even things out, I guess.
 
Amber St. Clare said:
This thread stirred so many emotions in me. I want to confront my harasser and let him know how this have affected my life. I really don't how to deal with the anger; I even try to stalk him on Facebook but it was a long time ago and no one looked like him {don't we all}.
I still am angry an want some kind of "closure. I still feel angry that this happened and I let it happen. I want some apology ;admission that he KNEW it was wrong.
When Cuomo resigned, I felt some anger; but this thread ENRAGED me; it was the first time I've been able to articulate it.

I would like to thank everyone was so kind about my original post.
Click to expand...

i like to think kama will get him, but sometimes that takes a very long time
its not fare how things that happen such a long time ago comeback to hunt us hurting us all over again
thats a bit of what happened to my boss -
when she pushed him away all of a sudden she rememebred her father abusing her mother and she was just terrified she was going to be physically hurt
 
excuse my late updates, its been really busy at work and i have been covering extra shifts becuase its school holidays and im tired

our owner and head baker finally did something
i dont know why it took so long but our other van driver (an older man) had to push the issue for us

we got a very legal looking list of instructions of what to do if he ever shows up in any of our shops, and they were going through the formal tresspass process
this made me feel better (but remember it never happened to me ) but our boss lady has hurt feelings it took so long -like a week -to sort out a solution



on a completly different track, the new lettuce is horrible, its not grown here in our district and there isnt enough to go around with our wholesale veg supplier having to ration it between all the cafes and resturants and bakeries in town
 
Coming back with a big update and let me just preface by saying I have been mostly absent for a while because I have been through hell at this job.

I recently gave my two weeks notice and my last day was July 3rd. At the same time, our most experienced employee in the department was retiring and her last day was this past Friday, the 27th. There was nobody training with her and after she left I would have been the only clerk (part-time) trying to do my work and hers, she was a full timer. We have lost so many people in my department from when I started, we are working with a skeleton crew.

Anyways, I had changed my hours back around February March from working at night because I was being followed, stalked, whatever you want to call it by another coworker, he was coming in at night and acting weird and in general making me scared. I changed to working daytime hours because I thought it would be safer but this meant I was working with the male bakery manager who touched me last year regularly. Nothing has happened since I confronted him last year, so in my mind the problem was resolved.

Thursday the 26th, was hectic towards the end of the day, there were a lot of people in the department and there was a lot of activity. Jerry (the one who touched me) was leaving and I was working at my table and as he walked behind me he touched my waist walking by. He did it again! I couldn’t even believe it. I felt sick and stunned this was happening again but I finished the day and went in Friday morning.

Friday morning, I come in and came face to face on the stairs with the guy who was following me at night, we said nothing to each other, I stopped talking to him completely and avoided him as much as possible but as I passed him he was staring straight into my eyes. Then as I was going to clock in I started chatting with one of the produce managers and I told him in a roundabout way what happened the day before. He said everyone knows about Jerry, that he was always being inappropriate with female employees and he was surprised he has gotten away with it this long. I clocked in and went to my table to work and I’m standing there and I just feel like I can’t do this anymore. Jerry walked behind me a couple of times and I felt like I was going to be sick.

Went upstairs and texted my husband and he says “if you want to leave, just leave, we will figure it out.” Walked back downstairs and up to Jerry and the woman who was retiring and said “I can’t do this anymore, I quit” and I walked out.

I walked out. Now I’m planning to take legal action because in quitting on the spot, I forfeited my vacation pay, I believe Jerry thought he could get away with whatever he wanted for the last four days I had because I was over a barrel in his mind. He knew he had me those last days no matter what, except he was wrong.

Most importantly, I am out, away from all of it. I just wanted to come back and update, sorry this is so long. Thanks for all your support over the years and with this in particular.
 
YadaYadaYada said:
Coming back with a big update and let me just preface by saying I have been mostly absent for a while because I have been through hell at this job.

I recently gave my two weeks notice and my last day was July 3rd. At the same time, our most experienced employee in the department was retiring and her last day was this past Friday, the 27th. There was nobody training with her and after she left I would have been the only clerk (part-time) trying to do my work and hers, she was a full timer. We have lost so many people in my department from when I started, we are working with a skeleton crew.

Anyways, I had changed my hours back around February March from working at night because I was being followed, stalked, whatever you want to call it by another coworker, he was coming in at night and acting weird and in general making me scared. I changed to working daytime hours because I thought it would be safer but this meant I was working with the male bakery manager who touched me last year regularly. Nothing has happened since I confronted him last year, so in my mind the problem was resolved.

Thursday the 26th, was hectic towards the end of the day, there were a lot of people in the department and there was a lot of activity. Jerry (the one who touched me) was leaving and I was working at my table and as he walked behind me he touched my waist walking by. He did it again! I couldn’t even believe it. I felt sick and stunned this was happening again but I finished the day and went in Friday morning.

Friday morning, I come in and came face to face on the stairs with the guy who was following me at night, we said nothing to each other, I stopped talking to him completely and avoided him as much as possible but as I passed him he was staring straight into my eyes. Then as I was going to clock in I started chatting with one of the produce managers and I told him in a roundabout way what happened the day before. He said everyone knows about Jerry, that he was always being inappropriate with female employees and he was surprised he has gotten away with it this long. I clocked in and went to my table to work and I’m standing there and I just feel like I can’t do this anymore. Jerry walked behind me a couple of times and I felt like I was going to be sick.

Went upstairs and texted my husband and he says “if you want to leave, just leave, we will figure it out.” Walked back downstairs and up to Jerry and the woman who was retiring and said “I can’t do this anymore, I quit” and I walked out.

I walked out. Now I’m planning to take legal action because in quitting on the spot, I forfeited my vacation pay, I believe Jerry thought he could get away with whatever he wanted for the last four days I had because I was over a barrel in his mind. He knew he had me those last days no matter what, except he was wrong.

Most importantly, I am out, away from all of it. I just wanted to come back and update, sorry this is so long. Thanks for all your support over the years and with this in particular.
Click to expand...

Yada, this is awful. I hate that these people treated you this way. This Jerry guy needs to have his attitude rearranged by a good slap in the face.
I guess this isn't a union store. When I worked for the grocery store it was a union store, United Food and Commercial Workers. The union reps would have stepped in for you.

Anyway, I'm sure it's the best thing for you to get out of there with your sanity still intact.
I hope you can recover from this and move forward ❤️
 
stracci2000 said:
Yada, this is awful. I hate that these people treated you this way. This Jerry guy needs to have his attitude rearranged by a good slap in the face.
I guess this isn't a union store. When I worked for the grocery store it was a union store, United Food and Commercial Workers. The union reps would have stepped in for you.

Anyway, I'm sure it's the best thing for you to get out of there with your sanity still intact.
I hope you can recover from this and move forward ❤️
Click to expand...

I am part of the union, I did not however report it originally except to the female bakery manager and it was only after she left I found out she never reported it, never spoke to him, he had stopped but it was just coincidence apparently. Then after she left and he touched me I confronted him and told him not to do it again, that I would escalate if I needed to. Thought that was the end of it because there has been nothing inappropriate since last year, until now.

At this point, I’m not sure if involving the union or just going straight to an attorney is the best route. To be honest, I never wanted it to get here, I don’t want to sue anyone but it’s apparent that he is just a predator and is not going to stop.

To make matters worse, the two female cake decorators, women I thought were my friends, have stopped talking to me. Didn’t even reach out after I left suddenly, but they also thought I was making a big deal over nothing over the original incident. At this point I consider this job and everything associated with it just a big painful lesson that I want to leave behind.
 
Matata said:
Good for you. I hope you prevail and that the employer is held accountable to the fullest extent of the law.
Click to expand...

Thanks for your support, I plan on making him accountable, it’s not even about money. It’s just about someone finally standing up to this creep so hopefully the next employees don’t have to tolerate this for a paycheck.
 
YadaYadaYada said:
Thanks for your support, I plan on making him accountable, it’s not even about money. It’s just about someone finally standing up to this creep so hopefully the next employees don’t have to tolerate this for a paycheck.
Click to expand...
Sorry for what you have gone through. But if it’s not about the money, you will spend a lot of money on the lawyer. Please report it to the union. Let them conduct an investigation. The lawyer will probably suggest that as well. And take it from there.
 
YadaYadaYada said:
I am part of the union, I did not however report it originally except to the female bakery manager and it was only after she left I found out she never reported it, never spoke to him, he had stopped but it was just coincidence apparently. Then after she left and he touched me I confronted him and told him not to do it again, that I would escalate if I needed to. Thought that was the end of it because there has been nothing inappropriate since last year, until now.

At this point, I’m not sure if involving the union or just going straight to an attorney is the best route. To be honest, I never wanted it to get here, I don’t want to sue anyone but it’s apparent that he is just a predator and is not going to stop.

To make matters worse, the two female cake decorators, women I thought were my friends, have stopped talking to me. Didn’t even reach out after I left suddenly, but they also thought I was making a big deal over nothing over the original incident. At this point I consider this job and everything associated with it just a big painful lesson that I want to leave behind.
Click to expand...

I'm glad for you that you're finally out of that toxic environment. You deserve better. Everyone does.

Keep in mind, it is possible the other employees have been told not to interact with you, especially if management thinks you might be of a mind to take legal action. I have been given such instructions before. Just a possibility.
 
I'm sorry that you found yourself in this situation and I'm glad you walked out. I agree that you should still contact the Union. It can't hurt and perhaps they will still try to help. Also, you say you "forfeited" your vacation pay. I'm not sure what state you live in but if your vacation time is "vested" I'm not sure that walking out can take that away from you. In my state, any vested time has to be paid out when someone leaves, no matter the reason. The Union person should know the answer to this. The other question I have is whether you state has something like a Commission against Discrimination. I'm in MA and our Commission Against Discrimination also deals with sexual harassment in the workplace. You could check into that for your state and see if you can file a complaint there. You shouldn't need a lawyer for that and it shouldn't cost anything.
Best of luck. I'm glad that you are out of the stressful situation. Your mental well-being is the most important thing, not the job.
 
@nala, while it is not about the money, it is about sending a message, he has gotten away with this for years, so my concern is will the union just give him a slap on the wrist? The company has no incentive then to make appropriate changes to keep employees safe. It’s a business, they don’t care about people, they care about money (speaking of this business not generalizing). I hope I’m not coming across with an attitude, not my intent, this is all very fresh, I appreciate your post and advice.

@lala646, I didn’t consider that, it’s a good possibility. Thanks for weighing in.

@Lookinagain, I will ask the union rep about my vacation pay, it can’t hurt. Someone I spoke about this to mentioned that there is a commission in CT that handles complaints against employers including situations like this, I will look into it. Thanks for your post.
 
YadaYadaYada said:
@nala, while it is not about the money, it is about sending a message, he has gotten away with this for years, so my concern is will the union just give him a slap on the wrist? The company has no incentive then to make appropriate changes to keep employees safe. It’s a business, they don’t care about people, they care about money (speaking of this business not generalizing). I hope I’m not coming across with an attitude, not my intent, this is all very fresh, I appreciate your post and advice.

@lala646, I didn’t consider that, it’s a good possibility. Thanks for weighing in.

@Lookinagain, I will ask the union rep about my vacation pay, it can’t hurt. Someone I spoke about this to mentioned that there is a commission in CT that handles complaints against employers including situations like this, I will look into it. Thanks for your post.
Click to expand...

If there is a published vacation policy for your employer, that may control so I would hope that you can access that. If you can, please make a copy of it.
 
@YadaYadaYada, I’m sorry you are still dealing with this. You did the right thing and you should be very proud of yourself. Did you document everything as it was happening with dates and details?
Always keep a copy of everything you document even if you give the documentation to HR or a union.

I’m sorry I don't know enough about unions to offer much advice on how to go forward.
 
I am so sorry you have had to walk this road. I’m very proud of you for addressing the issues, you have done everything you could have. I went through this 20 years ago, like you, I was touched, witnessed him touching himself while staring at me countless times, verbally harassed and stalked outside of work. It took multiple complaints to my office manager, who told me, “boys will be boys”… months later, she finally talked to the doctor - I could see them both laughing hysterically throughout the meeting; she told him it was me who reported him. Shortly after this he began stalking me outside of the office. I reached out to a lawyer, demanded FMLA, and started the fight.

The best thing you can do is make sure you have support. I wasn’t in a union when I was sexually harassed at work. The BEST thing I did was to get a lawyer. Get someone who will look out for YOUR best interests. When something like this happens the first reaction by the employer is to sweep it under the rug. Do not let them do this.

It is very important to hold them responsible not only for yourself, but for the current employees and the next woman that walks in the door.

The coworkers who aren’t talking to you… likely your employer instructed everyone not to speak to you. This is exactly what happened to me, your employer is taking measures to protect themselves.

The fight will likely be the hardest part of all this, but I promise you, it is worth the fight. Even my own parents begged me not to fight, they criticized and ridiculed me for standing up for myself.

Fight. Please, do not walk away.
 
Last edited:
In my union, for an employee to manager situation, we are instructed to file report of the offense to Human Resources and if they do not pursue it, we can then file a grievance and our union rep helps us through the process. We also have free lawyers, so maybe you do too.
 
Calliecake said:
@YadaYadaYada, I’m sorry you are still dealing with this. You did the right thing and you should be very proud of yourself. Did you document everything as it was happening with dates and details?
Always keep a copy of everything you document even if you give the documentation to HR or a union.

I’m sorry I don't know enough about unions to offer much advice on how to go forward.
Click to expand...

I do have details of the first incident as well as this one. We have cameras as well throughout the bakery. Thanks so much for your advice and support.
 
lavenderdragonfly23 said:
I am so sorry you have had to walk this road. I’m very proud of you for addressing the issues, you have done everything you could have. I went through this 20 years ago, like you, I was touched, witnessed him touching himself while staring at me countless times, verbally harassed and stalked outside of work. It took multiple complaints to my office manager, who told me, “boys will be boys”… months later, she finally talked to the doctor - I could see them both laughing hysterically throughout the meeting; she told him it was me who reported him. Shortly after this he began stalking me outside of the office. I reached out to a lawyer, demanded FMLA, and started the fight.

The best thing you can do is make sure you have support. I wasn’t in a union when I was sexually harassed at work. The BEST thing I did was to get a lawyer. Get someone who will look out for YOUR best interests. When something like this happens the first reaction by the employer is to sweep it under the rug. Do not let them do this.

It is very important to hold them responsible not only for yourself, but for the current employees and the next woman that walks in the door.

The coworkers who aren’t talking to you… likely your employer instructed everyone not to speak to you. This is exactly what happened to me, your employer is taking measures to protect themselves.

The fight will likely be the hardest part of all this, but I promise you, it is worth the fight. Even my own parents begged me not to fight, they criticized and ridiculed me for standing up for myself.

Fight. Please, do not walk away.
Click to expand...

So sorry you had to experience that.

My husband was encouraging me to talk to HR but I told him there is no way, they are looking out for the company, not me. Thankfully I’ve gotten a lot of helpful advice here and I have a lot of support at home. I’m not going to let him get away with it.
 
YadaYadaYada said:
Coming back with a big update and let me just preface by saying I have been mostly absent for a while because I have been through hell at this job.

I recently gave my two weeks notice and my last day was July 3rd. At the same time, our most experienced employee in the department was retiring and her last day was this past Friday, the 27th. There was nobody training with her and after she left I would have been the only clerk (part-time) trying to do my work and hers, she was a full timer. We have lost so many people in my department from when I started, we are working with a skeleton crew.

Anyways, I had changed my hours back around February March from working at night because I was being followed, stalked, whatever you want to call it by another coworker, he was coming in at night and acting weird and in general making me scared. I changed to working daytime hours because I thought it would be safer but this meant I was working with the male bakery manager who touched me last year regularly. Nothing has happened since I confronted him last year, so in my mind the problem was resolved.

Thursday the 26th, was hectic towards the end of the day, there were a lot of people in the department and there was a lot of activity. Jerry (the one who touched me) was leaving and I was working at my table and as he walked behind me he touched my waist walking by. He did it again! I couldn’t even believe it. I felt sick and stunned this was happening again but I finished the day and went in Friday morning.

Friday morning, I come in and came face to face on the stairs with the guy who was following me at night, we said nothing to each other, I stopped talking to him completely and avoided him as much as possible but as I passed him he was staring straight into my eyes. Then as I was going to clock in I started chatting with one of the produce managers and I told him in a roundabout way what happened the day before. He said everyone knows about Jerry, that he was always being inappropriate with female employees and he was surprised he has gotten away with it this long. I clocked in and went to my table to work and I’m standing there and I just feel like I can’t do this anymore. Jerry walked behind me a couple of times and I felt like I was going to be sick.

Went upstairs and texted my husband and he says “if you want to leave, just leave, we will figure it out.” Walked back downstairs and up to Jerry and the woman who was retiring and said “I can’t do this anymore, I quit” and I walked out.

I walked out. Now I’m planning to take legal action because in quitting on the spot, I forfeited my vacation pay, I believe Jerry thought he could get away with whatever he wanted for the last four days I had because I was over a barrel in his mind. He knew he had me those last days no matter what, except he was wrong.

Most importantly, I am out, away from all of it. I just wanted to come back and update, sorry this is so long. Thanks for all your support over the years and with this in particular.
Click to expand...

im so glad you are out of that toxic enviroment
it was unsafe
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
GET 3 FREE HCA RESULTS JOIN THE FORUM. ASK FOR HELP
Jewelry Blog
PriceScope-Concierge-Ad
Find prime cuts.
Top