How did your partner feel about your upgrade?

[heididdl]

New poster, apologies if this is the wrong forum. I have had a crazy journey with my engagement ring. Initially, due to miscommunication between my partner and I my first engagement ring was not what I wanted. We upgraded after a few years and it was a beautiful ring, but not my "dream" ring I envisioned.

After wearing this ring for a year, I finally worked up the courage to let them know that although I couldn't express how much I appreciated their effort and time, I just wasn't happy with it. We decided I would find my dream stone and take care of it. They were very supportive so I purchased the perfect stone and I feel like it has complicated things.

We definitely have the funds and both contribute, so it's not (or shouldn't be) a money thing. I feel they are low key frustrated with my decision and say they understand but aren't happy. I'm worried about resentment and would love to hear if others have had similar experiences?

I believe OG wants to hear our stories of how our partners felt when we let them know we wanted to upgrade if it was due to dislike or DSS.

 

[Dancing Fire]

I upgraded and regretted it. Both for sentimentality and for my husband’s feelings. If I had to do it over again I would wait five years and buy a second ring.

I'd rather hurt his feeling then not to upgrade.

 

[secretagentdee]

In my experience my husband was happy to upgrade despite being a sentimental person but my problem is the continual upgrades. Diamond shrinkage is real! The way I try to explain it to my husband so he can understand is you might have all these ideas on what you want and they look great in photos but until you wear on your hand you really don’t know what’s it’s going to be like.

But after four upgrades he is becoming no so understanding and I don’t blame him to be honest. So much money gets spent on upgrading you start to question is the cost worth the upgrade. Unless you got a limitless budget then that’s a different story.

 

[jaysonsmom]

My husband is sentimental in a lot of ways, but is motto is "Happy Wife = Happy life" so I have picked my own e-ring and subsequent upgrades (3) plus all jewelry gifts for birthdays, anniversaries etc. He said he is not a mind reader, and he is not an expert in diamond stats, so he is happy for me to either send him my wish list or send him wiring instructions!

 

[Dancing Fire]

My husband is sentimental in a lot of ways, but is motto is "Happy Wife = Happy life" so I have picked my own e-ring and subsequent upgrades (3) plus all jewelry gifts for birthdays, anniversaries etc. He said he is not a mind reader, and he is not an expert in diamond stats, so he is happy for me to either send him my wish list or send him wiring instructions!

Should I send my wife a wish list?

 

[jaysonsmom]

Should I send my wife a wish list?

Why not? I sent him 2 this week

 

[AllAboardTheBlingTrain]

For my SO and I - though we may change our minds, since we’re not engaged right now - we discussed things and decided that upgrading the engagement ring is something both of us are not super keen to do, for sentimental reasons. We would both rather hang on to the e-ring and if we ever want to go bigger, buy another ring at a significant anniversary instead. So the goal is to rather go as big as we can for the e-ring now!

 

[headlight]

At this point my husband is just praying there isn’t another change!!!

 

[missy]

If you can make your partner understand how important it is to you then he will not only accept it he will embrace it.

My DH is a romantic at heart and so am I but when it comes right down to it material things are just that, things. So changing the ring/diamond etc doesn't matter. What matters is that you two understand each other and communicate and have a loving and supportive partnership. To that end if a different diamond/ring would bring you joy and you can afford it, it's all good.

Initially my DH (surprise proposal) proposed with a beautiful MRB solitaire. I didn't even get to process the ring that first day as I was so surprised at the proposal. Next day I realized the ring wasn't "me" but I really had no clue what I wanted as I never thought about it. But I told him almost immediately and at first he was taken aback. However, when I explained my feelings to him he understood and was completely on board with finding my "dream" ring.

Unfortunately it took me many years to realize what I wanted for my "dream" ring and I went through a few diamonds and rings in the interim.

But through it all my DH's motto was "if my wife is happy, I am happy" (happy wife/happy life) and I am grateful to be married to such a wonderful guy. And I feel the same. If he is happy, I am happy. That is what a successful relationship looks like. We want to make each other happy and not impose what we think that should look like. Give up that control (as the partner) and allow your spouse to choose the ring that makes their heart sing.

Original set.
MRB solitaire with MRB shared prong band.



My OEC ER and a few WBs now.



I am not done. This is not her final setting. But it is my final diamond ER.

 

[MillieLou]

We want to make each other happy and not impose what we think that should look like. Give up that control (as the partner) and allow your spouse to choose the ring that makes their heart sing.

 

[Mreader]

@missy you have have been saying this is not your final setting for years now . You are seriously one of the most patient bling-lovers I have encountered. I look forward to seeing your final setting

 

[Mreader]

As for upgrades, it can be hard. I kept my original e-ring but I still "upgraded" with an OEC when I realized that I loved old cuts in rings way more than MRBs and that is what I currently wear as my e-ring. I would like to have a larger OEC one day. My husband gets exasperated, he does. I can understand why because from his view I am not satisfied with what I have and am looking for the next best thing. This is partly true and PS has had that affect on me! I don't have any solid advice but in the end as others say hopefully he is happy that you are happy. Just make sure that you are happy

 

[missy]

@missy you have have been saying this is not your final setting for years now . You are seriously one of the most patient bling-lovers I have encountered. I look forward to seeing your final setting

With your permission I am sharing what you wrote with my DH. He thinks I am very impatient.
Actually the word he used was impulsive and then when I pointed out the opposite is true he changed it to "impatient"

 

[seaurchin]

I think an expensive e-ring upgrade is the kind of thing that brings up a mix of underlying strengths and shortcomings that a couple has. A partner who is intolerant of their spouse's desires is lacking something they should be bringing to the table imo. And a partner who disregards the family's more pressing needs for their own wants is also lacking. It would be fun to read a book of e-ring upgrade case studies lol.

 

[mwilliamanderson]

I think an expensive e-ring upgrade is the kind of thing that brings up a mix of underlying strengths and shortcomings that a couple has. A partner who is intolerant of their spouse's desires is lacking something they should be bringing to the table imo. And a partner who disregards the family's more pressing needs for their own wants is also lacking. It would be fun to read a book of e-ring upgrade case studies lol.

I love this idea! All I ever needed to know in life I learned in kindergarten on Pricescope.

 

[swingtime]

Engagement rings tend to be loaded with emotion, for both giver & receiver. My DH put a ton of thought and love into the selection. For me, it’s the only item I wear every single day. Of course, DH wears his band every day (actually, he hasn’t taken it off in 25 years), but it’s just not the same.
I recently upgraded my ering. After going to school on PS, I have greater appreciation for my original stone, but I really, really wanted something a little bigger (went from 1 carat to 1.62). I honestly didn’t know how DH would react, but he was totally supportive. I did emphasize - sincerely- what a great job he’d done with the original.
Have you explained to your DH why it’s important to you to upgrade again? Have you asked him why he’s not comfortable with this upgrade?

 

[Cerulean]

With your permission I am sharing what you wrote with my DH. He thinks I am very impatient.
Actually the word he used was impulsive and then when I pointed out the opposite is true he changed it to "impatient"

You strike me as one of the least impulsive people on PS!!! Wonder what that says about the rest of us…LOL

 

[Mreader]

With your permission I am sharing what you wrote with my DH. He thinks I am very impatient.
Actually the word he used was impulsive and then when I pointed out the opposite is true he changed it to "impatient"

Share away! And yes patient and not impulsive at least compared to other PSers. For example 2 year wait for your OEC, also knowing it's not the final setting yet still haven't found said setting. Most of us would have just changed it 5 times until we settled on what we wanted . You also seem to have fewer purchases than many of us - but I could be wrong - I've only been active since Nov so perhaps I missed some of your aquisitions...the only thing I know of recently is your fab earrings

 

[FL_runner]

My husband was excited when I picked out a new “engagement” ring and helped me choose it! When we were engaged almost 20 years ago he picked out a very pretty and modest preloved solitaire (definitely less than a carat but no very so not sure of the details) and I picked out a little preloved channel set diamond band from a different local jeweler that had a few visibly wonky diamonds It was perfect for us at the time as we had just graduated and I have always loved vintage clothes and jewelry.

My husband had surprised me with a beautiful and bling anniversary band a few years ago and my original engagement ring didn’t match well, so I was just wearing my anniversary band. Last year I decided to pick out a nicely matched “upgrade” engagement ring and he was very supportive. I did keep my original set, and paid for the new ring myself. I still love my original rings but it’s great having a set that’s more “bling tastic!” I will say that by PS standards my main stone is very reasonable-1.4 ct- but DSS has not set in and it’s been a year!

 

[Fancygems]

I upgraded and regretted it. Both for sentimentality and for my husband’s feelings. If I had to do it over again I would wait five years and buy a second ring.

This is my experience as well with my husband.

 

[Dancing Fire]

He said he is not a mind reader, and he is not an expert in diamond stats, so he is happy for me to either send him my wish list or send him wiring instructions!

Send him a "must have" list! instead ...

 

[itskcc]

I've been through several rings. My original was lost and we were both so sad over that. It was a beautiful ring and my husband was so proud that he chose it all by himself at like 25 years old. When we went to replace it, I went a totally different route. A year or so later, I confessed I didn't love the replacement ring as much as I thought. Luckily, he confessed that he didn't either. We traded that stone in but I was paralyzed by the choices so I just threw stone #3 in a solitaire setting and wore that for a few years until I figured out what I wanted. My current ring is stone #3 in a new setting (setting #4) that we designed. (Mostly me, but with some input from him too) My husband doesn't quite get why I feel compelled to switch things up but the deal we have made is this - whenever there's a new ring coming, he gets to pick it up from the jeweler or open the package and see it first. Then he gets to give me the ring. This way it's fun for him too in some way and he gets to propose. Again. Even if it's just in our living room!

 

[GuitarGirl22]

In my experience my husband was happy to upgrade despite being a sentimental person but my problem is the continual upgrades. Diamond shrinkage is real! The way I try to explain it to my husband so he can understand is you might have all these ideas on what you want and they look great in photos but until you wear on your hand you really don’t know what’s it’s going to be like.

But after four upgrades he is becoming no so understanding and I don’t blame him to be honest. So much money gets spent on upgrading you start to question is the cost worth the upgrade. Unless you got a limitless budget then that’s a different story.

Joining in here, new at posting. My hubby was so NOT in support of upgrading. Wasn’t the money, was the sentiment. At our 20th we came so close, but ended up resetting it. I wasn’t thrilled but he was just so hurt it seemed. I felt I settled a bit, but with COVID, all my priorities have changed and I’m so glad we kept the original diamond which is about a 1.20 carat pear. I wear it every day and am so glad I didn’t trade it in for something bigger!

 

[Emerald_Isle13]

My husband is very sentimental about my original ring so I kept it. It also would not have been worth much for a trade in. He didn’t know anything about buying diamonds and neither did I. Everyone we knew went to large chain stores at the mall to buy their rings. It was 2002 before online retailers were as well known. He purchased mine at a Littman jewelers a 1.51 ct princess cut I1 clarity J color. Luckily the inclusion blends really well and it noticeable unless you really study it. I told him I wanted an 1 ct emerald cut but said princess would be 2nd choice. I think he felt the larger diamond would make up for not getting the emerald cut which was not be found at the mall. Everyone I knew had round then and I wanted something different. We had only just started talking about rings for a couple months so I was not expecting it when he gave it to me. In hind sight I would have rather shopped together.

He wasn’t bothered that I wanted another ring since he knows how much I love jewelry and I don’t buy often. I’m definitely more about quality over quantity. At 10 years I purchased a ring with a 1.5 ct radiant center 3 stone halo I fell for when I went with my brother for SIL’s engagement ring. The store has a 110% upgrade policy and you only pay the difference so no double the price requirement. For our 15yr I went back and traded in for a 2.16 ct radiant that I have in a solitaire. I started saving for a setting but I’ve decided rather than that I’m saving to finally get the emerald cut I wanted. I don’t want to pay for a setting until I know I’m done upgrading.

In the end I’m really happy I held onto the original ring. I used to not feel sentimental about it and only held onto it for him but in 2017 he was diagnosed with an advance stage of colon cancer. Now every year we have is a milestone for us so I know I would have regretted not keeping it.

 

[Ceilimom]

I think we are long lost sisters!

I recently obtained a 2nd ering set and he asked me, "I thought you were done upgrading." Me, "This isn't an upgrade; it's a whole different set, duh!"

Triplets or quadruplets.....

 

[Ceilimom]

My husband is sentimental in a lot of ways, but is motto is "Happy Wife = Happy life" so I have picked my own e-ring and subsequent upgrades (3) plus all jewelry gifts for birthdays, anniversaries etc. He said he is not a mind reader, and he is not an expert in diamond stats, so he is happy for me to either send him my wish list or send him wiring instructions!

Does your husband offer spousal webinars?????