I''m baaaaaaack!

[Deelight]

Date: 3/6/2009 4:35:02 PM
Author: Dreamgirl
Yeah, it was removed because I don''t need to be scrutinized and made a complete fool of. I''m so disappointed in all of you! Shame on you all! You should feel awful for trying to help something that doesn''t need helping.


WTF do you people not understand?


I didn''t ask for help or advice on reconsidering my relationship. I don''t need to hear about it. I don''t want to hear about it. There is NOTHING to reconsider. We are in a loving relationship that has always been amazing. We will get engaged and married when the time is right FOR US. I''m sure there are a lot of lurkers who feel the same way I do about these things with some of their relationships as well.


Some of you choose to get married after knowing each other for 6 months. Some of you who are only 23 are getting married. That''s your story, this is mine. I''m tired of justifying myself to you. That doesn''t make you any more knowledgeable about life and relationships than me. I just want to come here and be friends with everyone. And I thought I was until I see everyone has this ignorant outlook on who I am and what my relationship is. You don''t have the authority to give me this advice because I don''t give you permission to. You don''t know us, you only know what I post. Everyone who knows us IRL think we are A-M-A-Z-I-N-G together and perfect for each other...and we feel the same way. We just want to do things right in life and to us, what we are doing is right.


I''ve said this before and I''ll say it again, just because I post about a small stupid little tiff (because I''m so open) that we get into doesn''t mean I''m with the wrong guy. Just because we are trying to get our professional careers on the right track before marriage doesn''t mean I''m with the wrong guy. Just because I think about getting married and have plans for a wedding but it isn''t going to happen right at this time should mean I''m with the wrong guy. I can still be a LIW because I am waiting...because I do want that in my life when the time comes. I can still think about rings and marriage, going ring browsing, and daydreaming about my future. I don''t see anything wrong with that.


If people here don''t understand where I am coming from, or what I am saying doesn''t make sense to you, there is no need for you to come around all high and mighty telling me what you think of me and my relationship- all agreeing with one another amongst yourselves patting yourselves on the back for a job well done telling someone to reconsider things.


Why don''t all you reconsider your relationships/engagements/marriages?

You do it your way, I''ll do it mine.


I feel so awful that everyone here thinks so low of me and how I live my life, it makes me almost feel sick. I''ve been here about a year now (in a couple of weeks) and I truly thought you were all supportive of me but I was COMPLETELY wrong.


I DO NOT want to hear about this anymore. You people make ME SICK. I AM SOOOOOO DONE.

Shame on you for being so rude to people who care and are worried about you, help may not always be warranted but sometimes good friends will worry and offer advice if you don''t like it you politely decline and move on. I am sure after this you will have no offerings of advice anymore you have your wish.


And as for reconsidering my engagement should I ever have any issues and post about them on a public board I will be sure to reflect upon them.

 

[musey]

Date: 3/6/2009 8:23:35 PM
Author: Deelight
I am sure after this you will have no offerings of advice anymore you have your wish.

I think maybe I was too shortsighted... indeed, DreamGirl will get her wish you are right about that Deelight.

 

[Dreamgirl]

Date: 3/6/2009 8:21:23 PM
Author: musey
Anyway, all that is simply to say that, DG, I think many people are left wide-eyed at this whole thing. I don''t think anyone expected you to react as strongly as you did, and I know some people are still sitting there thinking ''What on earth did I do??'' If you always assume the worst, people will start developing a fear of interaction with you. No one likes to be accused of being ill-intentioned when all they wanted to do was help.

Yes but nobody here is understanding where I am coming from. I''ve gotten this a few times and I do take it to heart because that is the type of person I am. So when I get people telling me these things, it does hurt. Sorry but it''s true. Now, when I''ve said some wrong things to people I''ve appologized for it. Can''t any of you see how this makes me feel? You all just keep saying "oh well, we just want to help. We just want you to understand" How can you not understand me? It hurts to have people you surround yourself with (even on a forum) that you feel you are friends with suddenly gang up on you suggesting you reconsider your relationship when that was never the subject at hand.

Now you all know I tend to be a drama queen and blow things out of proportion at times but still....many of you have hurt me. And I feel I have a right to be hurt. So what do you all want me to do? Appologize for everyone telling me to reconsider my relationship? That makes me kind of not want to say anything to all of you with the feeling that I''m going to be scrutinized once again.

All I wanted was a little love and support and instead I got most all of you (even ones I feel CLOSE to) questioning my relationship.

How can none of you understand where I am coming from? It doesn''t make sense to me. You all know how nice and supportive I''ve been to all of you. So why are you doing this to me???

 

[Dreamgirl]

Date: 3/6/2009 8:30:55 PM
Author: musey

Date: 3/6/2009 8:23:35 PM
Author: Deelight
I am sure after this you will have no offerings of advice anymore you have your wish.

I think maybe I was too shortsighted... indeed, DreamGirl will get her wish you are right about that Deelight.

Harsh...

What do you want me to do?!?!?!?!?!? I think you are being unfair to me...

Tell me, WHAT do you want me to do??? Somehow in all this I've become the bad guy. So what do you want???? This is unbelievable.. I can't believe all of this. I don't want to be the bad guy around here. I just want to get along and have fun on here.......I don't understand.

 

[Bia]

Date: 3/6/2009 8:42:55 PM
Author: Dreamgirl

Date: 3/6/2009 8:21:23 PM

Author: musey

Anyway, all that is simply to say that, DG, I think many people are left wide-eyed at this whole thing. I don't think anyone expected you to react as strongly as you did, and I know some people are still sitting there thinking 'What on earth did I do??' If you always assume the worst, people will start developing a fear of interaction with you. No one likes to be accused of being ill-intentioned when all they wanted to do was help.

Yes but nobody here is understanding where I am coming from. I've gotten this a few times and I do take it to heart because that is the type of person I am. So when I get people telling me these things, it does hurt. Sorry but it's true. Now, when I've said some wrong things to people I've appologized for it. Can't any of you see how this makes me feel? You all just keep saying 'oh well, we just want to help. We just want you to understand' How can you not understand me? It hurts to have people you surround yourself with (even on a forum) that you feel you are friends with suddenly gang up on you suggesting you reconsider your relationship when that was never the subject at hand.


Now you all know I tend to be a drama queen and blow things out of proportion at times but still....many of you have hurt me. And I feel I have a right to be hurt. So what do you all want me to do? Appologize for everyone telling me to reconsider my relationship? That makes me kind of not want to say anything to all of you with the feeling that I'm going to be scrutinized once again.


All I wanted was a little love and support and instead I got most all of you (even ones I feel CLOSE to) questioning my relationship.


How can none of you understand where I am coming from? It doesn't make sense to me. You all know how nice and supportive I've been to all of you. So why are you doing this to me???

Dream, I may be wrong, but I feel like you're singling a few of us out. I feel like one of those people you are referring to is me. I'm not exactly sure what I said that hurt you, but please let me know so we can clear the air. My intentions in that thread were made clear, I thought anyway, but maybe not.

 

[musey]

Date: 3/6/2009 8:42:55 PM
Author: Dreamgirl
Now you all know I tend to be a drama queen and blow things out of proportion at times but still....many of you have hurt me. And I feel I have a right to be hurt. So what do you all want me to do? Appologize for everyone telling me to reconsider my relationship? That makes me kind of not want to say anything to all of you with the feeling that I''m going to be scrutinized once again.

No, that wouldn''t make any sense. Why would you apologize for something other people said?

Nobody "wants you to do" anything, other than possibly not lash out at them and respond to their efforts to help with cruel words.

All I wanted was a little love and support and instead I got most all of you (even ones I feel CLOSE to) questioning my relationship.

You have to understand how this sounds, right? You wanted love and support... what you got was a few people genuinely concerned for your situation trying to help you out with a little bit of outside perspective. That''s exactly what I''m looking for when I want "love and support." What are you looking for? I''m not being snarky, I''m honestly asking. Because if what you mean by that is that you want short responses that line up with your own opinion just to be "nice," then that''s something that PSers should know (though we''re finding it out on our own).

How can none of you understand where I am coming from? It doesn''t make sense to me. You all know how nice and supportive I''ve been to all of you. So why are you doing this to me???

You say this quite often, and maybe either (A) I don''t hang out in LIW often enough to see it, and/or (B) our definitions of "nice and supportive" don''t line up (see above for part of that).

Additionally, no one "doing" anything to you. They are observing your situation, reading your posts, and responding in an honest, heartfelt and calm manner. The upset here is coming from you, not others. It is within your own control to view the situation calmly, and react accordingly. You don''t have to be upset/sick/whatever else over this.

 

[Deelight]

Date: 3/6/2009 8:42:55 PM
Author: Dreamgirl

Date: 3/6/2009 8:21:23 PM

Author: musey

Anyway, all that is simply to say that, DG, I think many people are left wide-eyed at this whole thing. I don''t think anyone expected you to react as strongly as you did, and I know some people are still sitting there thinking ''What on earth did I do??'' If you always assume the worst, people will start developing a fear of interaction with you. No one likes to be accused of being ill-intentioned when all they wanted to do was help.

Yes but nobody here is understanding where I am coming from. I''ve gotten this a few times and I do take it to heart because that is the type of person I am. So when I get people telling me these things, it does hurt. Sorry but it''s true. Now, when I''ve said some wrong things to people I''ve appologized for it. Can''t any of you see how this makes me feel? You all just keep saying ''oh well, we just want to help. We just want you to understand'' How can you not understand me? It hurts to have people you surround yourself with (even on a forum) that you feel you are friends with suddenly gang up on you suggesting you reconsider your relationship when that was never the subject at hand.


Now you all know I tend to be a drama queen and blow things out of proportion at times but still....many of you have hurt me. And I feel I have a right to be hurt. So what do you all want me to do? Appologize for everyone telling me to reconsider my relationship? That makes me kind of not want to say anything to all of you with the feeling that I''m going to be scrutinized once again.


All I wanted was a little love and support and instead I got most all of you (even ones I feel CLOSE to) questioning my relationship.


How can none of you understand where I am coming from? It doesn''t make sense to me. You all know how nice and supportive I''ve been to all of you. So why are you doing this to me???

Date: 3/6/2009 8:43:52 PM
Author: Dreamgirl

Date: 3/6/2009 8:30:55 PM

Author: musey

Date: 3/6/2009 8:23:35 PM

Author: Deelight

I am sure after this you will have no offerings of advice anymore you have your wish.

I think maybe I was too shortsighted... indeed, DreamGirl will get her wish you are right about that Deelight.

Harsh...


What do you want me to do?!?!?!?!?!? I think you are being unfair to me...

Tell me, WHAT do you want me to do??? Somehow in all this I''ve become the bad guy. So what do you want???? This is unbelievable.. I can''t believe all of this. I don''t want to be the bad guy around here. I just want to get along and have fun on here.......I don''t understand.

No one is should have to tell you to do anything Dreamgirl, you are not a child and we are not your parents/teachers, you need to find what is right inside yourself not from others.


And as for the last comment being harsh I don’t think it is – people offer advice you blow up so why would we offer anything else to be treated like that.

 

[Dreamgirl]

Because Bia. You KNOW I''ve got so much going on right now. I come back for support and now I''m getting all of this and it''s just upsetting me. I honestly don''t understand what I did to anyone and I just feel so terrible about this. It HURTS....

I truly feel like you guys are my friends. And I''m hurt that I''m getting these reactions. Nobody seems to be understanding where I''m coming from...

 

[purrfectpear]

If you are sincere in asking, then you could start by stopping the drama. For real.

No one can "hurt" you with words. YOU can hurt yourself. It's the internet, not your BFF or sorority sister telling you your butt looks big.

Stop the madness yourself. Stop whining "you hurt me". Stop letting other people define whether you are happy today or like yourself. Just stop. No apology needed. Just don't feed into it and let it die. I know I speak for myself (and I strongly suspect others also) when I say no one would love anything more than to see an end to this self flagellation and whining.

 

[princesss]

Date: 3/6/2009 8:55:12 PM
Author: Dreamgirl
Because Bia. You KNOW I''ve got so much going on right now. I come back for support and now I''m getting all of this and it''s just upsetting me. I honestly don''t understand what I did to anyone and I just feel so terrible about this. It HURTS....


I truly feel like you guys are my friends. And I''m hurt that I''m getting these reactions. Nobody seems to be understanding where I''m coming from...

You''re hurt that people cared enough to open up and really try to help? That''s what friends do.

Listen to PP. She''s said it the best.

 

[musey]

Date: 3/6/2009 8:43:52 PM
Author: Dreamgirl

Date: 3/6/2009 8:30:55 PM
Author: musey

Date: 3/6/2009 8:23:35 PM
Author: Deelight
I am sure after this you will have no offerings of advice anymore you have your wish.

I think maybe I was too shortsighted... indeed, DreamGirl will get her wish you are right about that Deelight.

Harsh...

What do you want me to do?!?!?!?!?!? I think you are being unfair to me...

Tell me, WHAT do you want me to do??? Somehow in all this I've become the bad guy. So what do you want???? This is unbelievable.. I can't believe all of this. I don't want to be the bad guy around here. I just want to get along and have fun on here.......I don't understand.

Okay, since you are asking, I will tell you. This is the situation as I see it:

1. A few posters noticed a pattern that can be a red flag, and pointed it out to you because they were concerned for your wellbeing.

2. Instead of calmly telling them that they have misinterpreted the situation, you immediately lashed out at them, and followed up with progressively more cruel personal digs.

3. They explained to you that they only posted because they wanted to help, and apologized for causing you upset.

4. You ignored their explanations and apologies, said a few choice words, and had your thread deleted.


No one wants you to do anything, I'd venture to bet that the vast majority of the strangers on PS don't care what you do... I can tell you what kind of reaction people would have found to be appropriate, though: "Okay you guys, I realize I massively overreacted and that no one was out to get me. I do appreciate that you want to help, but I don't feel comfortable having my relationship scrutinized. I'd appreciate in the future if you keep your advice to yourselves."

If you want to apologize for anything, let it be for completely disregarding others' feelings in your effort to defend yourself.


This coming from the woman who "got married at 23" from your previous post.

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

Date: 3/6/2009 8:43:52 PM
Author: Dreamgirl

Date: 3/6/2009 8:30:55 PM

Author: musey

Date: 3/6/2009 8:23:35 PM

Author: Deelight

I am sure after this you will have no offerings of advice anymore you have your wish.

I think maybe I was too shortsighted... indeed, DreamGirl will get her wish you are right about that Deelight.

Harsh...


What do you want me to do?!?!?!?!?!? I think you are being unfair to me...

Tell me, WHAT do you want me to do??? Somehow in all this I''ve become the bad guy. So what do you want???? This is unbelievable.. I can''t believe all of this. I don''t want to be the bad guy around here. I just want to get along and have fun on here.......I don''t understand.

DG, I think you need to take a step back and breathe. You''re not a bad guy. You have, however, given people a certain impression - one that I think was reasonable for them to make based on your posts although it may not be entirely accurate - and people have tried to connect with you and talk with based on that impression of what you are like, and what your relationship is like, etc. Don''t see this as a personal attack (not just my post, I mean everyone''s posts that have tried to give you advice).

I honestly think that you''re overreacting to this situation. Other LIWs in the past have gotten similar advice, and others probably will in the future. When you''re posting on a board that''s devoted pretty much entirely to relationships and how those relationships are progressing to engagement and marriage, you can''t avoid this kind of stuff. I don''t think anyone here just got together and said, "Hey we want to pick on DG today." I totally understand that you find this hurtful. I would feel the same, and I would feel just as defensive and angry, thinking "who are these people to think they know enough about my relationship to judge me?" But you know what, you put out the information that led to this. You''ve talked about your relationship, good and bad, your frustration with your BF finding the perfect job, your love of Tiffanys, your emotional state concerning whether you want to get married or not, which does seem to change depending on the day. If you put out this kind of info, you''re going to get reactions, and they''re not always going to be "yeah your relationship is perfect, you go girl."

So to all of this advice, unwanted maybe but not said in malice, and said with the intention of trying to be helpful because we care about our fellow LIWs, you overreacted. You lashed out at the ladies who wanted to help, and like another poster said, you could''ve just said, "you''re wrong about my relationship. We''re fine." Instead, you''ve tried to get your dig in at them to get them back. And when people try to come back and talk with you, you fall back on how no one understands you and why is everyone making you out to be a bad guy. DG, I like you and I hope you know that I''m NOT saying this out of malice or anything like that, because you and I have never had problems before. But it is a mark of maturity that you are able to take other people''s criticism, whether you feel they are right or not, and respond to them as an adult. NOT by flipping out. Maybe you don''t want to have a conversation and that''s fine and that''s your decision to make. But when people are coming and trying to explain why they have said what they said, and you respond the way you did, by proverbially stomping your foot and saying NO ONE understands, it isn''t helping the conversation the posters are trying to have with you.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

PP said it perfectly-put your big girl pants on and grow up. Seriously.

Hudson Hawk-over and out.

 

[Dreamgirl]

You know his Grandmother is in the hospital right now and we dont know if she will make it....right? Because I did mention that the other day. Maybe that's why I'm a little over emotional. Yet, I'm still getting the same reaction from everyone at the moment...which is hurting me. I don't know what to say for that.


SORRY you are all right and I'm completely wrong.....I'll reconsider my loving and perfect relationship...

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 3/6/2009 8:43:52 PM
Author: Dreamgirl

Date: 3/6/2009 8:30:55 PM

Author: musey

Date: 3/6/2009 8:23:35 PM

Author: Deelight

I am sure after this you will have no offerings of advice anymore you have your wish.

I think maybe I was too shortsighted... indeed, DreamGirl will get her wish you are right about that Deelight.

Harsh...

What do you want me to do?!?!?!?!?!? I think you are being unfair to me...

Tell me, WHAT do you want me to do??? Somehow in all this I''ve become the bad guy. So what do you want???? This is unbelievable.. I can''t believe all of this. I don''t want to be the bad guy around here. I just want to get along and have fun on here.......I don''t understand.

I''ll assume you are seriously asking and answer you. Here''s what I want you to do:

1. Lose the victim mentality.

2. Stop being so sensitive. If you know you''re an oversensitive "drama queen," why don''t you stop being one? Being a drama queen is not going to do you any good on PS or in real life.

3. Stop attacking people who are genuinely trying to help you.

4. Stop sharing every single detail about your relationship if you don''t want anyone to comment on it.

Honestly, your responses here have blown my mind. I can''t believe the way you''re talking to your fellow PSers. If you are truly secure and happy in your relationship, I don''t see why you feel the need to aggressively lash out at anyone who gently questions your relationship with the intention of helping you.

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 3/6/2009 9:22:33 PM
Author: Dreamgirl
You know his Grandmother is in the hospital right now and we dont know if she will make it....right? Because I did mention that the other day. Maybe that's why I'm a little over emotional. Yet, I'm still getting the same reaction from everyone at the moment...which is hurting me. I don't know what to say for that.

SORRY you are all right and I'm completely wrong.....I'll reconsider my loving and perfect relationship...

I am very sorry about your boyfriend's grandmother. However, I don't think that excuses your behavior here.

 

[musey]

I feel the same way as Thing2 ^

I do feel for your situation, yes it's terrible, but perhaps your heightened emotional state is a reason to take a break from whatever upsets you (like the last thread, and this one), rather than take out your frustrations on well-meaning PSers.


This:

Date: 3/6/2009 9:22:33 PM
Author: Dreamgirl
SORRY you are all right and I'm completely wrong.....I'll reconsider my loving and perfect relationship...

Shows me that you have indeed gained nothing from this 'conversation.' A sarcastic apology doesn't help anything as far as the impression you give off (if that's indeed what you're concerned with, as you say).

 

[Lauren8211]

Ok I need to chime in because I feel like maybe you thought I was questioning your relationship and I was not either. If you feel like I was, I''m truly sorry, I never have questioned your relationship, ever. As far as I can tell you guys ARE happy. My only point was to say that if a BUNCH of people see something, I think the best thing to do is take 5 minutes, think about it, and if you truly believe it does not apply to you, then disregard it.

PS is a supportive place, I''ve gotten some great advice here. When I first came to PS, I used to get really defensive too. It hurts to have people challenge you, but if you let them, it makes YOU stronger. The ability to be challenged and stand your ground and not lose it emotionally is a great thing. If I hadn''t learned to let in some stuff I didn''t want to hear, I would have missed a lot of great advice. I know its strange to say this, but I''ve actually changed from when I started PS. I''ve become a better person.


I do consider you a friend, and one of my best PS buds. For sure I want you to be happy, and I don''t want people to attack you! I know you''re having a rough time right now, and I wish this hadn''t happened when it did. I know you need support, and I will try my best to give it to you in whatever way you need it.

I don''t know what else to say except that I really do support your relationship, and if something I said made you feel bad, I''m sorry.

I''m going to let this go now, unless you''d like to talk to me specifically. I care about you, (more than I probably should for an e-friend!

) and no matter whether I disagree with you or not, you''re still my friend!

(((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))

 

[Deelight]

Date: 3/6/2009 9:29:20 PM
Author: musey
I feel the same way as Thing2 ^


I do feel for your situation, yes it''s terrible, but perhaps your heightened emotional state is a reason to take a break from whatever upsets you (like the last thread, and this one), rather than take out your frustrations on well-meaning PSers.



This:

Date: 3/6/2009 9:22:33 PM

Author: Dreamgirl

SORRY you are all right and I''m completely wrong.....I''ll reconsider my loving and perfect relationship...

Shows me that you have indeed gained nothing from this ''conversation.'' A sarcastic apology doesn''t help anything as far as the impression you give off (if that''s indeed what you''re concerned with, as you say).

Double ditto to both these ladies

 

[Bia]

Dream, I agree with whoever said, maybe taking a couple of days to think this over is a good idea. Maybe then you'll see that we weren't judging you. I know I was absolutely NOT coming from that place, and seriously Dream, knowing what you know about me, why would I?

I'm not going to keep repeating myself (but I have, so I will stop now) because it doesn't help obviously. Just know that you are my friend (e-friend and otherwise) and I too will continue to be here for you.

 

[prettylnpink419]

I''ve stayed out of this whole convo but I feel the need to jump in. I am mostly a lurker but I come to the LIW forum to hear all of the great engagement stories and to see that I am not alone in my LIWitis. It is honestly really depressing and discouraging to come on here and see all of this drama. It''s been going on for 2 days now.

Did anyone ever think that maybe DreamGirl deleted the original thread in an effort to let this topic drop and to move on from it? Instead everyone carried the topic to multiple other threads, including this one. It is really unfortunate. I honestly feel for dreamgirl. I personally know what it is like to be going through a lot at one time and to feel like you can handle it and are doing okay and then finally...the last straw...you hear something negative or sad or presumptive about you or your loved ones and that''s just it, you can''t take it anymore and all of your pent up aggression and disappointment comes out...especially when it is from someone you thought you could trust to just let you vent without judgement.

Personally for me, LIW has been a place for me to occasionally vent to the fellow posters here without the fear of judgement associated with venting to family and real-world friends. If I felt like people were judging me for my posts, I''d be hurt too. I''d feel then like I truly had no where to go without being judged.

I think this topic has seriously been beat to death and it is no longer constructive for anyone, at least in my opinion. Can''t we all just move on and get along? I miss the fun threads about the suspicious activity of our SO''s, and about ring shopping excursions, etc. Of course things can''t always be happy and exciting but seriously, we should stick together instead of fighting?

I personally feel somewhat intimidated to even post anything about my situation anymore, I don''t want people to jump all over it and make assumptions based on one specific convo I''ve had with my BF or one situation, etc. It is really unfortunate to think that all of this drama is probably going to discourage extremely helpful and encouraging posters like DreamGirl and many others from posting or helping others down the road.

For the sake of DreamGirl, every other poster involved, and the overall LIW forum, can''t we just let this drop?

 

[musey]

Date: 3/6/2009 10:40:15 PM
Author: prettylnpink419
Did anyone ever think that maybe DreamGirl deleted the original thread in an effort to let this topic drop and to move on from it? Instead everyone carried the topic to multiple other threads, including this one.

One small (but very important) correction: DreamGirl herself is the one who "carried the topic into multiple other threads." I sincerely doubt that anyone else would have brought it up again if she hadn't initiated it. Obviously she still needed some explanation/closure on the subject, or she would have dropped it.

Personally for me, LIW has been a place for me to occasionally vent to the fellow posters here without the fear of judgement associated with venting to family and real-world friends. If I felt like people were judging me for my posts, I'd be hurt too. I'd feel then like I truly had no where to go without being judged.

I think this topic has seriously been beat to death and it is no longer constructive for anyone, at least in my opinion. Can't we all just move on and get along? I miss the fun threads about the suspicious activity of our SO's, and about ring shopping excursions, etc. Of course things can't always be happy and exciting but seriously, we should stick together instead of fighting?

I agree, it would be great if things could be discussed, understood, then dropped. The issue here is that DreamGirl (whether she realizes it or not) is the one perpetuating it, by bringing the issue into other threads and continuously ignoring what explanations/clarification people offer to her. People post "this is why we're reacting this way," and she responds with "why are you reacting this way?!" That's what keeps this topic going... the fact that people feel that she is not absorbing/understanding what they are telling her.

Not one person judged her until she reacted harshly to what should have been helpful posts. The issue that people are currently reacting to is nothing to do with her personal life, but simply the cruel words that she threw at many people who were simply showing concern for her well-being.

I personally feel somewhat intimidated to even post anything about my situation anymore, I don't want people to jump all over it and make assumptions based on one specific convo I've had with my BF or one situation, etc. It is really unfortunate to think that all of this drama is probably going to discourage extremely helpful and encouraging posters like DreamGirl and many others from posting or helping others down the road.

Again, this depends solely on your definition of "helpful" and "encouraging." If you mean just posting one-sentence responses along the lines of "bummer, hope your situation improves" or "hey, that's great that your boyfriend is willing to meet your deadline!" then no, I don't think you can expect to find exclusively that type of "helpful and encouraging" here, unless you say "Hey guys, I don't want any scrutiny in this thread, thanks" and generally people are respectful of that.

The posters in the other thread (which I was not one of, for the record) were simply trying to be helpful by encouraging her to consider the way she's communicated about her relationship on PS. One simple "I think you guys have completely misunderstood me, I thank you for your concern but I am very happy in my relationship" perhaps (but not necessarily) accompanied by a clarification of her feelings on the matter would have precipitated no more than "Dreamgirl, I'm sorry for making incorrect assumptions. I'm glad to hear that you're happy."

It could really have been that simple. I'm not trying to keep beating a dead horse, honestly, as I think (hope?) Dreamgirl understands what people were (and weren't) reacting to at this point. But since you posted with these concerns, I figured I'd address them as best I could.

 

[LabRatPhD]

I have refrained from posting until now, but I have been following this thread (and the one that was deleted). I know I haven''t been on PS too long but I am shocked at what has been going on. Dream, I know you have a lot going on based on what you''ve posted (and trust me, I can relate b/c my SO''s grandmother has one month to live due to cancer and his father was recently diagnosed with Parkinson''s Disease), but I really think lashing-out the way you did was not fair to the ladies who took time out to post their thoughts. Unsolicited or not, I think they really were trying to give valuable advice that maybe should be taken to heart, even if just for a minute. No relationship is perfect and I think sometimes we all need to take some time to make sure we are on the right bearings.

Some of the things you''ve posted have made me react very similarly to many of the ladies here. Like I said, I haven''t been here as long but I have done Tiffany searches for my own research purposes and threads involving your relationship have popped up. I can see where people feel confused by the disparity between the things you say and what your actions are. At the same time, if you are confident in your relationship, then it doesn''t matter what we think. I do think you could have been nicer to the ladies who were trying to help and I agree that situations going on in your life do not warrant the behavior you''ve shown, as others have mentioned.

I really enjoy you being around, Dream, and I appreciate how welcoming you were when I joined. I hope you can take some time to cool off. You have family issues going on and I think you should be with your family and support your SO during this difficult time. Maybe PS is not the best place for you right now. I really hope you can come back when things are more stable and know that PSers really care about you and want to see you happy.

 

[Bliss]

I haven't followed the thread in question, but I did want to chime in and offer Dreamgirl support. I really appreciate her enthusiasm, kind heart and sincerity on these boards. She seems funny, intelligent and passionate. Sure, like Anne of Green Gables, passion can get some people into some hot water from time to time... But I think we've all been in situations where family members are ill, there's a lot of stress, PMS hormones are kicking up and there is ensuing temporary lunacy. (Not saying there was any on your part, DG! Love ya!)

I am almost certain that in a few days, this will blow over and our Dreamgirl will even look back and shake her head and say, "What was I thinking to get so worked up over all this?" But it happens to us all. I think more experienced PSers who have been through it maybe know tomorrow's another day and everyone forgives and forgets quite easily. It's a compassionate site, after all.

(((HUGS)))

Love ya, DG! Now you're *really* a part of PS!

One outburst isn't a big deal. If you can grow from this, even laugh at yourself later... You'll be the bigger person for it. We've all been there, too.

 

[Sharon101]

Date: 3/6/2009 8:55:12 PM
Author: Dreamgirl
Because Bia. You KNOW I''ve got so much going on right now. I come back for support and now I''m getting all of this and it''s just upsetting me. I honestly don''t understand what I did to anyone and I just feel so terrible about this. It HURTS....

I truly feel like you guys are my friends. And I''m hurt that I''m getting these reactions. Nobody seems to be understanding where I''m coming from...

I think you are better to just keep the conversation about rings and stuff like that.

I dont think you are mature enough, or strong enough to talk about real issues.

If you just want people to say pretty things and to hold your hand and nodin agreement at every word you say....maybe you should say something like.....Im very fragile and dont want any advice unless its frivilous and happy and doesnt get me to look at myself or my relationship or suggest I might need to change an area of my life.

And btw, its very babyish to announce that you are going to leave, make a big hoo har about it and actually never leave.

Maybe you should appologise for being an attension seeker who needs to yype the word `me` all the time.

 

[gwendolyn]

Whoa, obviously I''ve missed something, as this seems to have come from nowhere.

I''d ask what''s going on, but I honestly feel a bit scared of getting verbally smacked. I hope whatever happened gets resolved so things can get back to normal.

 

[sammyj]

This reminds of the time when a new poster came on here and called all of the PS ladies ''swine.'' The only difference was that she was new and didn''t understand the helpful, positive and caring nature of the forum. A verbal smacking (in the words of gwen) coming from a veteran poster seems so much worse

.

DG, if you feel like you''re interacting with disappointing, shameful, high and mighty people who enjoy gang bashing on PS (which is SO FAR from the truth), then maybe this is the wrong place for you.