"Just Barely" Pregnant PS''ers

[indecisive]

Re:

Thanks monkeyprincess! I blame the media.. just kidding. I do feel like anytime a women throws up on tv/movies she will soon discover she is pregnant though. I am trying to go with the flow even if it is somewhat against my nature!

mlk- how are you doing? Have you thought about when you will tell people?

haven- so great about your scan! I bet baby haven is gorgeous like his/her parents. Do you have any feelings about the sex?

DandiAndi- I am glad your work is easing up! I am so excited about touring the maternity floor of my hospital. I don't have any convenient excuses though. How far along were you when you told work?

Prana- I have some twinges and minor cramps and they always make me nervous. I guess it makes sense there would be those feelings with all that is going on in there though. How are you feeling now? I know what you mean about being thankful for every bit though. I told my DH that I felt like no matter what happens seeing that second line will have changed me, like losing virginity or something. I know it sounds strange but I guess I will just always feel like I am a mom from this point on, no matter what. It makes me smile.


Sorry if I missed anyone. I am still nervous about posting here because I had a scary few moments. I spotted before my BFP and then a day or two more but have not had anything since. I also had low progesterone (7.7) and was put on but since then I have had a good increase in my betas. I let myself stress eat some when I thought I was going to have a mc so i am trying to get back to normal! DH keeps telling me I am eating for two so I had to tell him I am eating for me and an orange seed. Not the same as 2! I love my little stow away so much already it is easy to be stressed but I am happy to be here!

One quick question. My parents don't know about the baby yet. My mom keeps asking me to come over but I am worried because my dad is sick right now. He has a fever, chills, cough, etc. and I am worried about catching it and that it would somehow hurt the little one. What do you guys think? I usually go see them on the weekends so I am at a loss as to what to do for an excuse without telling them.

 

[Haven]

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Indecisive--It's so great to see you in this thread! I know how scary those first several weeks are after the BFP, but I agree with MonkeyP, don't look into the lack of symptoms and let that stress you out. I had those twinges and cramps that you're talking about too, I think that's totally normal stuff. Loads and loads of sticky dust to you!!!!

I would tell my parents I wasn't feeling well or something to avoid being around my sick dad. I don't like to voluntarily spend time with sick people, anyway, pregnant or not!

You're so sweet, by the way. I totally think we're having a girl, but I have no basis for that guess! I just feel like there's a girl in there. We're waiting to find out the gender until birth, it's going to be hard to wait but totally exciting and worth it. I asked DH what he thinks we're having and he looked at me like I was crazy and said, "How am I supposed to know that?!" Ever the rational one, he is.

MLK--I hope these two weeks go by quickly for you! I remember that long wait, and I know how you feel. Sticky sticky sticky dust!

 

[indecisive]

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Haven- Thank you for the warm welcome! I hope we get a rush of imports from the TTC threads, especially some of the long term group! I have been reading about the danger of fevers in early pregnancy so there is no way I can risk that by going over. I will just have to hope they understand when I finally tell them I did it for their first grandchild.

It will be exciting no mater what with a healthy baby but I think it is exciting you have a girl feeling. My coworker really believes in the Chinese lunar calender for gender prediction and it says girl for me so we will see, provided I am lucky enough to have a sticky baby! I don't know if you ever go on Pinterest (I am on too much) but I saw the cutest thing for a daughter. The person took a picture of the little girl playing dress up in her mom's wedding dress and gave it to her on her wedding day. I think that would be a great picture with your gorgeous dress! I hope the ms is doing better.

I hope all the other JBPers are doing well and the little babies are growing and strong!

 

[Prana]

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Hello ladies and welcome and congratulations Indecisive!

I'm glad to see everyone is doing OK. Indecisive, I totally understand why you are nervous, but I hope the first few weeks fly by for you until you see your little baby. Then I hope you can enjoy the pregnancy with less nerves.

Haven-so funny you are having girl feelings! I have very strong boy feelings for myself. We are also waiting until the birth to find out what we are having. It's life's greatest mystery!

Indecisive- I've looked at several of the Chinese Lunar calendars. They ALL say I'm going to have a girl. We shall see! I don't put any stock into those for several reasons though...Can it really be that every 29 year old who conceives in April will have a girl? And isn't it the father who (mostly) determines the sex of the baby?

I put much more stock in peeing on baking soda to see if it foams/fizzles and tying my wedding rings to strings and dangling them over my wrist. Also, I think that the Ultrasound/placenta attachment theory is interesting, and strangely accurate. There's also the angle of the dangle theory that a lot of people use based off their 12ish week US. haha there's so many old wives tales and crazy theories!

AFM: 9weeks 3 days. I have good days, I have bad days. My biggest issue is mealtimes. I absolutely cannot plan meals ahead, because when it comes time to eat what I've made, I'm completely disgusted by it. But when I'm in the process of preparing it, it seems like the best thing ever! My cravings are weird too. The other day I had to have a sesame bagel with chive cream cheese. Well unfortunately, my brain would not let me rest unless I had the same thing when I got home from work. I didn't want to eat all that twice in one day, but I had no control. Luckily, after eating that twice in one day, I don't want to eat it anymore. But I really have absolutely NO CONTROL over my eating habits. One minute I'm sick because I ate too many eggs at breakfast, the next minute I'm starving and need to eat NOW! Then come dinner time, everything is disgusting so I choke something down and get ill every time I burp up the flavor. Then when I go to bed I absolutely must have cheese!

A question for those in the first trimester...how bloated were you? So far I've only gained a pound (but my weight really fluctuates a lot), but I'm really thick in the waist right now...I couldn't button my pants comfortably the other night, I feel fat, bloated and generally uncomfortable. Is this normal for 9 weeks?

What the heck is going on?!?!

 

[Haven]

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Indecisive--That dress-up photo sounds like such a wonderful gift! (And I will DEFINITELY play dress-up with my kid if she's into it. Boy or girl for that matter!) I'm on Pinterest, and it's been so hard for me not to pin any nursery or baby things. My mom and lots of friends are on Pinterest too so that would be a giveaway that we're pregnant. We're going to tell our parents tomorrow, so maybe after that I can start pinning away!

Okay, I just did two different Chinese gender prediction chart and one says boy, one says girl! The one that says girl had me punch in my birth date and the conception date and it gave me my Chinese age, which is 33 by the way. I'm totally happy with my real age of 31, thankyouverymuch chart. The thing is that I only picture myself with a boy when I think about actually having a baby in front of me, but when I think about the kiddo inside my tummy, I just feel like she's a girl. Strange, I know.

Prana--It IS one of life's great mysteries! I'm so excited for that moment when we find out. I'm like you with the food, I'll really want something, but then once it's ready I can't even think about eating it anymore. Poor DH, he's brought home a lot of foods that I refused to eat once they were in front of me.
I haven't gained any weight yet, but I am SO bloated. Depending on the morning I'm either the same exact weight, or a couple pounds down, but I am not comfortable in my jeans or nice slacks anymore. I bought some cheap cotton dresses from Target and I've been wearing those on the rare occasions that I've left the house.

AFM, this morning was another horrible morning. I was sure I was going to throw up but it never happened, and I just managed to finish a piece of toast. I cannot wait to feel better again, this MS is killing me. I keep telling myself, "Tomorrow morning I will wake up and feel good." One day that has to come true, right?!

12w4d

 

[Dandi]

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Haven, I think it translates into a 32E or something like that. And YAY for 12 weeks! My goodness where has that gone?!?!

hi indecisive! I'ts so awesome to see you here! Don't stress about the excessive CM thing hon, it's just hormones at play. I've had the same thing, it is very nervewracking for a while! I had to tell my bosses at work as soon as I found out (4 weeks) because there are a few surgical procedures I cannot participate in any more for safety reasons. I told everyone else after my 9 week scan, they'd figured it out anyway, when I was constantly avoiding joint replacements and x-ray theatres Can't hide pregnancy in an operating theatre!

Prana, OH MY GOODNESS, the bloating! Every single evening I look like I am a good 7 months pregnant, I swear! DH gets all excited becuase I have a belly he can pat and talk to, and is terribly disappointed in the morning when I've completely deflated and my tummy is flat again I've been like that since about week 8, and I'm nearly 15 weeks now and it's definitely getting a bit better.

mlk, gosh I hope these next 2 weeks fly by so you can see your bean!! I'm going private - there aren't many perks to being a nurse, but one of them is that you can pretty much choose your doctor!

amc, that is such a relief! My body has not changed shape at all apart from a potty tummy and big boobs, I don't want to get much bigger and topple forward when I walk! I was a 32D/DD to start with and am already feeling uncomfortable!

AFM, looking forward to a checkup with my OB on Wednesday which will be 15 weeks on the dot. I don't think he'll do an ultrasound but I at least hope to hear the heartbeat!

Hello hello if I have missed anyone!

14 weeks 4 days

 

[mlk]

Re:

Indecisive, welcome and congrats again. I think I am only 2 days behind you. In the lastb2 days I too have had watery cm and freaked out at the sensation thinking it was possibly blood. I have only told one person so far, a friend at work. Probably won't tell anyone else until after the nt scan as I have no family and DH has none here in Sydney. It will be a tricky thing cos there is a very weird relationship with his mother in Ireland which resulted in him not telling her about our wedding until the invitations were posted, so who knows when he will get the courage up to tell her about the baby. That will mean ghat I am really limited in who I tell in case it gets out on fb or something.

Monkey, thanks for your reassurance, it's good to hear everyone's experiences.

Haven, yay for team green. We are too.

Dandy, wow almost 15 weeks seems like only yesterday you got your bfp. I too am going private, although I think DH is finding it hard to justify the money for the ob. At least my hospital stay is covered. The hospital I am going to even does high tea so I hope it lives up to it's reputation.

Prans, did you say boosting? That is about the only thing I am feeling oh and the gas in the middle of the night which seems to only hit me on the weekends when I should be resting peacefully!

Afm, nothing much happening, still no real symptoms except for soreish boobs and some bloating. No cramps or twinges, it seems like even those who had no real symptoms still had the odd cramping or twinges. I used my last digital yesterday, haven't used once since 10dpo which said pregnant 3+ which means I am 5+ weeks so I guess that is some reassurance. The last week has really dragged on though and I still have to wait another 11 days. Good thing is though the ob I picked has 4d ultrasound and does an ultrasound at every appointment.

 

[Haven]

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MLK--I had a ton of watery and eggwhitey CM very early on in this pregnancy, and it always scared me, too. It sounds like this is a common thing for early pregnancy, so it must be a good thing. I hope these 11 days go by very fast for you! How cool that your doctor does a US at every appt, that's really reassuring. I wish mine did that!

Andi--Time is moving right along for us, isn't it? I'm nervous about my boobs getting bigger, I'm a 34DDD to start, and I HATE them. Hate hate hate. I guess we'll just have to see. I haven't gotten much bigger yet, so maybe there's hope for me.

How's everyone doing? Feeling good, I hope!

We're telling our parents tonight. I'm nervous it's going to be one big festival of awkward. My sister's husband is coming too, we call him The Diffuser of Awkwardness, so that will help. He just has a way of making everything feel more comfortable. (My sister is in California.) We shall see!

 

[indecisive]

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Thanks again for the very warm welcome. I hope I am here for a while!

Prana- Thank you for the well wishes. I don't put too much stock in the calenders either but I think my coworker is so cute when she tells me how accurate it is. It was true for her 2 kiddos so I can understand the faith. DH wants a boy so he is certainly hoping it is wrong. I will have to try baking soda and my wedding ring and see if I can determine the truth . That must be hard to not be able to know what you will be able to eat. I always think too far ahead but since you are waiting to find out have you been looking at gender neutral nurseries? There are so many cute ones!

Haven- I am glad you will be able to be "out" on Pinterest soon! I don't pin any baby ideas, just browse through them. I hope telling your parents goes well. Family dynamics can make things so complicated but it is cute you BIL will help run interference. I am not going to be able to hold out as long as you. If we miscarry I will tell my mom right away and if we see a heartbeat on Thursday I will tell them on Sunday. It is just hard to make sure only certain people are there (aka people that won't broadcast it to the world).
I think the one with your lunar age would be more accurate even if it is a bad number! The suspense will be fun though. I hope the sickness goes away soon and let us know how it goes with your family!

Andi- Yeah, I can imagine it would be hard to keep it a secret in those circumstances. One of my coworkers is super intuitive and she has said some tings that make me feel like she can tell even if she doesn't know it herself. I bet once symptoms come it is really hard to hide. It is cute your DH likes the bloat. Besides that, are you in the "honeymoon stage" as far as symptoms go?

mlk- Thank you! Wow, we are close. I know what you mean about having to be careful it doesn't end up on fb. Oh, technology! I am sure it is nice to have 1 person at work to talk about. I have only told my best friend but I know if I start getting symptoms there are 2 people at work that will figure it out because they know we have been trying. I am so jealous you get an u/s ever appointment You are going to know your little one so well right from the start! Does the soreness come and go for you? Mine were not really sore yesterday but now they are back to hurting.

AFM- not much to report. I went a long time between breakfast and dinner today and I did feel some queasiness but I don't know if it is pregnancy related or not. We shall see. I was kicking myself last night because I went for soft serve frozen yogurt . I remembered the listeria risk right as I was finishing the little dish. I know a lot of people don't think it is a big deal but after trying so long for this baby I hate to think that I risked him/her even slightly. I just love the little one so much already!

I hope everyone had a good weekend. I know I took a few naps so I hope you all got some rest too!

 

[Haven]

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Indecisive--Soft serve is out? GAH! I didn't know that. I haven't eaten it much, once or twice, but man do I love it! I would have loved to tell my mom earlier but she wouldn't have been able to keep it a secret. Not even close. She's not . . . discreet. How have you been feeling? I hope that nausea stays at bay for you!

AFM, we told our families tonight. My parents, my BIL, DH's dad, and DH's brother and his two kids came over for dinner. We grilled and had a nice, relaxed dinner on our back deck. When it came time for dessert I brought out two dishes, and DH brought out a separate dish on which I placed a little tent that I made. The tent had a picture from our last ultrasound framed on each side, and then I wrote little things like "Guess what?!" and "12-18-2012!" around the frame. We both just placed the dishes on the table and stood back to watch. My mom "got it" immediately and said "OHMIG-D, OHMIG-D" and my dad, DH's brother, and our niece soon followed. It took my poor FIL and nephew a few minutes to catch on, but eventually they all stood up and we hugged all around. My sister's husband caught it on film, he knew already because we told them the minute I got my BFP.

It was . . . okay. As predicted, my mom was excited for about a minute, and then after everyone hugged and calmed down her first words were, "Well, I guess this means we're not going to Italy next summer." My sister and I JOKED that this would be the first thing she said, but when it actually happened I was kind of shocked, and to be totally honest, really hurt. (DH and I have been planning to take her to Italy for a while. She keeps postponing the trip because she has other things going on every summer.) It's just one more example of how her thoughts immediately go to herself. Instead of thinking, "Wow! I'm going to be a grandmother!" she was thinking, "Great, now this disrupts this trip we're supposed to take ONE YEAR FROM NOW." Blech.

THEN, my FIL, who really is sweet but he's old and says whatever he thinks, took a really long time telling us a story about how the last few times he's seen me he's noticed that I've gotten a little bit bigger everywhere, and how he told his GF and she saw the same thing. They didn't even think I might be pregnant, he said, they just thought perhaps I wasn't eating as healthy as usual and I was just letting myself go. I'm usually pretty happy with my body, and I'm not overweight so I understand how this might seem like an okay thing to say, but I seriously wanted to curl up in a ball and cry at that point. I'm actually impressed that I DIDN'T! Although, thinking about it right now makes me tear up a bit. I have been so uncomfortable and sedentary, but I didn't realize it was SHOWING to others.

My dad was just his usual awkward self, totally harmless but uncomfortable to be around. Our niece and nephew are really excited, so that was fun. We spend a lot of time with them, and they had fun coming up with crazy names for us to give the baby. Thank goodness my sister's husband was there, he is the best diffuser of awkwardness ever, and it was good to have another person there who is just totally on our side and supportive.

At least the little tent thing I made was super cute. I'll take a picture and share it tomorrow. I do feel better now that it's done. One less thing to worry about!

Sorry for the long story!

 

[indecisive]

Re:

Haven, I am sorry things didn't go how they should have! I can't believe you guessed exactly what your mom would say. You would think being told about the amazing, little life you are bringing to the family would have put any selfish thoughts out of her mind. I know which family members I can expect something similar from and I am not looking forward to it. My brother will have to bite his tongue to keep from blaming me for destroying the world by overpopulating it .

Despite your FIL being insensitive I am sure you look great. I think sometimes people just don't know what to say to pregnant women. I still feel so bad because I told my sil she was getting so big when she was like 7-8 months pregnant. I meant it as in look how great it is that the baby is growing but I am sure that isn't how it sounded. I can't wait to see the pictures of the tent!

Yeah, they say with soft serve there is a risk of Listeria because the machines are hard to clean completely and part of the ice cream or whatever is exposed to the air. I am just over cautious because of how long I had to try to get this BFP. It is scary though because who knows how if it will be cantaloup or tomatoes or something else. And now all I can think about wanting is cantaloupe

AFM- I went to bed early and then woke up at 2:30 and couldn't go back to sleep so I watched True Blood in the middle of the night. I hope this doesn't become a trend!

 

[Haven]

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I just finished watching True Blood!

Thank you so much for your kind words. I'm feeling extra sensitive right now, and totally disappointed that I don't have a different family. I'll get over it!

 

[mlk]

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Haven, I'm so sorry you didn't get the reaction you wished for. Sometimes parents can be so selfish and expect their children to baby them and to live their lives for the parents. I can only imagine my MIL's reaction when she finds out about the baby, it will probably go somehing like "oh but I thought you (DH) were going to give up your life in Australia and come home and live in our house and look after us until we die". Not kidding, that will be her reaction. She is so bad that she even promised DH the family home in their will (he has 5 sibilings) if he left Australia and come back to look after them. This was whilst my mother was in hospital dying. I'm sure your parents and in laws will realise that they were not enthousiastic and supportive enough and will pick up their game. BY the way, I am sure the comment from your FIL was just something he said cos he had nothing else better to say.

Indecisive, my boobs only hurt if I press them, not on their own account. Other than that nada. Still freaking out here.

So, has anyone else started thinking names? I brought a baby name book today and have read through the entire thing and am compeltely uninspired. I really don't think DH and I will be able to agree on two complete names (team green).

5w5d

 

[amc80]

Re: Re:

Indecisive--Soft serve is out? GAH! I didn't know that. I haven't eaten it much, once or twice, but man do I love it!

I've eaten soft serve at least 15 times since I've been pregnant...probably more. Same with deli meat. In the first and second trimesters, sandwiches were my go-to food. I never heated up the meat. Well, I did once, and it was sort of gross. The way I look at it is I've never known anyone who has gotten sick from soft serve or lunch meat. Yes, there's a risk, but it's small enough to where I'm okay with it.

 

[Haven]

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AMC--Good to know! I feel a bit better now. There was a listeria outbreak in my college caf (in hard boiled eggs and egg salad) about a month before we started trying, so that kind of freaked me out. I rarely eat in the caf, but when I do I buy the egg salad sandwiches. Not after that, of course. Now I don't eat ANYTHING from that cafeteria.

MLK--Wow, your MIL sounds manipulative. I'm sorry she's not more supportive. At least you have some distance, there! (And I am so sorry for the loss of your mother.)

Don't freak out mama, I'm sure all is well in there!

We have names picked out but we're not telling anyone until the baby comes. We chose them last summer while on vacation in Switzerland, so they were inspired by that country.

Indecisive--That makes perfect sense about why the fro yo is dangerous, because of the machines. I guess I'll have to deal with my Thin Mint ice cream.
You're right about not expecting certain things from certain people. It's funny what you say about your brother, because my husband struggled with that concern as well. His desire to father a child trumped that concern, obviously!
As for my FIL, I do look soft, I know that. I've been sick since week 5, so I haven't been moving around much and that's a big lifestyle change for me. The thing that makes me so upset is thinking about them TALKING about me looking fat after we got together. It just makes me want to sob.

Thank you for being so supportive, ladies! I did cry myself to sleep last night, because I was just feeling so awful about everything. I have felt bad about my body because I just feel so blah. DH and I were working out four times a week before the HG grounded me, so of course I feel gross from just sitting around for so long. And there's my mom, of course. Mech. Sorry for crowding up this thread with my family issues. I'm feeling unusually emotional, going to blame it on the fact that I'm pregnant and sick!

 

[Haven]

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I came here to post pictures of the little tent I made and just vented instead! Sorry. Here are the pictures. I set this on a pretty little dessert dish that my grandmother's best friend brought home from Germany for us as a wedding gift. (I should have taken pictures of it on the dish.) Anyway, here they are. The US pictures are pretty bad, DH thinks the tech purposely froze the worst images and chose to print those!


The "OMG!" was for our niece. She's 13, so, you know.

I put these little things on the corners to keep the tent bent at the right angle:

 

[monkeyprincess]

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Haven, super cute way to share the news. I'm sorry the reveal made you feel down. We had nothing but positive, complimentary responses to our news, but I will say that I still felt somewhat down after telling DH's family. There is something so special about the time you and your husband (and maybe a few trusted friends/family members) have a secret. And once it is out there, you feel kind of vulnerable and subject to other people's comments/opinions/criticisms. I don't know if I explained that well, but I just wanted to let you know that even if the reveal had gone better, you still might have felt a little down. And oh my goodness, I think it is completely normal to worry about your appearance, especially before you are obviously showing. I finally am starting to feel comfortable in my 22.5 week pregnant body. You'll get there too! Congrats again!

 

[JGator]

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Haven, sorry about your parents' reactions. If it makes you feel any better, my mom immediately started talking about our 2nd kid on the call when she found out. She suggested we start the adoption process right away since she thinks I'm too old to have another kid. My in-laws mentioned the first time they met my mom she talked to them about me catching up to my sister who has 5 kids.

 

[Dandi]

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Oh Haven, I'm sorry you feel so down after telling your families. I was so surprised at some of the reactions we got... the ones I thought would be really shocked were over the moon, and the ones I was dying to tell, some of their reactions were a bit 'meh'. I do love how you revealed your news though, you are so creative!!! I love the tiny pictures of the stork carrying the baby, that is way precious Is Bailee your doggy?

mp, how on earth did you get to 22.5 weeks already?? Have you been well? How's preparation for bub coming along? You should see our place, it's like a hurricane went through it!

JGator, seriously?! My goodness, the things people say in the heat of the moment! How are you travelling anyway, my love?

amc, I'm sooo glad you mentioned that, I ate deli meat last week and felt like the devil for doing so!! I just want the stuff SO bad!

mlk, high tea in hospital?? No way, that sounds awesome, and so very posh!! I get a teeny bottle of red wine with meals if I request it, but probably not a great idea if I'm breastfeeding I've worked in that hospital for 7.5 years and I have no clue if the food is any good or not!! I think paying for a consultant OB is worth every single penny, so does DH, for our peace of mind if nothing else, knowing we are in such good care. You and your bubba are so totally worth it. It's just money after all!

indecisive, I've been very lucky! Other than bloating and soreish boobs (which aren't even really that sore now) some days I wonder if I'm actually pregnant, I feel totally myself. A bit disconcerting I must say, but I consider myself very fortunate. Not long until your scan now, eeek!!! Exciting!!!

AFM, oh ladies, you should see the state of our house. One of the spare bedrooms (we have 4 but you wouldn't know it, they're full of STUFF!) is being cleared out for baby, and currently houses DH's office. The room next to it will be cleared out to put the pram, bassinet etc in when we're not using them, so we've had a big moving weekend. We have a big room at the back of the house that was originally going to be a home theatre that we never got around to, so it is now DH's new office. There are bits of furniture, boxes, books, papers EVERYWHERE!! It's a slow process I know, but I cannot stand mess or clutter, I just wish I could click my fingers and it's all done! Aieeeee!! I just want the room totally clear so I can commence the nesting phase

14 weeks 6 days

 

[Haven]

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MonkeyP--Thank you. I think you're onto something when you described how it's a let-down to bring everyone in on the secret and then open yourselves up to outside criticism and judgment. It does seem like once people know you're pregnant they feel it is okay to say or ask things that they otherwise wouldn't.
I can't believe how far along you are! So exciting!

Andi--Thanks! Yes, Bailee is our Pit Bull. We have five pets, so DH accused me of playing favorites, but Bailee is our youngest pup, and she's super involved with everything so she's kind of like our family "mascot" I guess. My little baby Bai.
I know what you mean about the unexpected reactions.
It sounds like you have a lot going on at home right now! Good luck with relocating everything. We'll have to do the same soon, and I am not looking forward to it.

JGator--Oh, man! That's pretty rough, what your mom did. Okay, I do feel better now, but sad that you went through that. I think I'm just dealing with coming to terms and really accepting the fact that my parents are who they are, and no amount of wishing will change that.

A big hello to everyone! How is everyone feeling?

 

[Prana]

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Haven, I'm sorry about your insensitive family. Your story about your FIL's comment about your weight had me shaking my head. My FIL just did the exact same thing to me the other day. I loved your tent! It's so cute! What a great way to tell everybody. I think that this incident should just be a further reminder to you and your husband to just get deeper into your own lives and your OWN new family. It's sort of your chance to undo all of your mom's issues, separate yourself from her, and just dive into your own family with your husband and new baby. Sort of like your own happy, normally functioning, healthy relationship cocoon.

Just so you know how I feel your pain, I'll tell you about my FIL. I love my FIL, but he's an alcoholic and he's incredibly socially inappropriate. Nobody ever told him that he was an idiot though, so he continues to think that he's just fine and that he's just so FUNNY! Not. The first incident happened on Memorial day. Him and my MIL had spent the day at a picnic, and he was so trashed he doesn't even remember anything about the day. But mind you, he's a functioning alcoholic, so if you didn't know him, you would never know he was drunk. This is how he went through much of his younger years, when my DH and his siblings were all children. He's gotten better in the past several years (went to AA, but 'didn't need that'), but he still has relapses to complete drunkeness. Either-who. My DH and I went to the house that day, and I was dressed as I usually am. I walked by him on the porch and he told me that I was looking 'busty'. I ignored him, then he did it again in the kitchen a few minutes later. I ignored him again, and went to sit with my MIL and watch TV for a few minutes. Well he came into that room and made sure I heard it that time, and I just looked at him, and said "EXCUSE ME?!?!?" While pulling my sweater tighter around myself. I was so disgusted by him. I was happy to know that he didn't remember anything about that day though, so I sort of just let it go. (FWIW, he's not the type of guy who would hit on me, he's just a weirdo.)

It took me a weekand a half to go back to the house. I usually visit every couple of days or so. So I felt prepared enough to go back on Saturday. He was his usual self, probably had been drinking (you can tell be how obnoxious he is how much he's been drinking). So we were there for a while with no problems, but then he came into the room and said, "So, what are you up to?" I was confused by what he meant, so I said, "Just watching TV...". To which he replied, "No, your weight.".... I got immediately pissed off and I said, "I actually haven't gained anything..." But he just kept going with it, and I can't remember what he was saying, I just remember responding "Please don't comment on my body, it's not appropriate", to which he said something else I can't remember because I was so livid, to which I replied, "It's not a question you ask people! I struggled with and eating disorder my entire life and I'm petrified of what's going to happen! It's not appropriate for you to be commenting on my body!" To which he replied "well I didn't know that, and it seems like you've recovered somewhat now." I told him it's not something that people who suffer from typically discuss with others." He got sort of offended, but I don't care. My MIL and my DH witnessed the whole thing and they supported my reaction 100%. Unfortunately, they are both victims of an alcoholic husband/father, so they've learned to completely turn him off and not react. That is their defense mechanism against him. I, on the other hand, have put up with him and ignored his revolting behaviors for years and years, but I just lost it in that moment. It's going to take a long time for me to go back there. Not because I'm worried about seeing him necessarily, but because I don't feel comfortable knowing that he is checking out the changes in my body. It makes me sick to the very core of myself because of some very deep seated issues I have with food, weight gain and body image. I'm going to be healthy for my baby, even if that means gaining 100 pounds. But the second I know that someone is watching my body, it's all over for me and that person, whether I'm pregnant or not.

In his defense though (No, I'm not defending him in the least, just trying to figure out where he's coming from), he loves me a lot and cares for me, and that is his way of being involved with the pregnancy. He's just so socially inappropriate and nobody has ever put him in his place and told him he's WRONG that everything he says is just completely F'd up in major ways. He's completely clueless and stupid. And he's been a great success at completely isolating his entire family. They all sort of despise him in one way or another. It's really sad.

Either who, sorry for the novel, I just wanted to let you know that I feel your pain on those comments that people don't realize are totally offensive and possibly harmful.

In happy news, we had another US yesterday, our baby was waving and kicking it's little feet, and stretching it's back out. Heartbeat was 174. We got to watch it for a while. I saw some defined toes and fingers. It looks like Marvin from Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy with its big 'ol head and little legs and arms.

 

[Haven]

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Prana--Thank you. I think you're right, and I like the idea of creating our own little insular, functional family.

And WOW, your FIL sounds really, really difficult to deal with. Mine doesn't even hold a candle to yours, to be honest. I'm so sorry you have to face him every time you see your DH's parents. I would be so uncomfortable with all of the things he's said to you, I'm impressed that you managed to go back there at all. My FIL is just older and at that stage in life where he says whatever comes into his mind, but he's harmless and I love him.

I have learned that it's sometimes easier for children to deal with their parents than it is for those of us who marry into families to deal with our in-laws. My husband's family does so many things that drive me nuts, but my husband just laughs them all off because he's used to them.

I think it's wonderful that you confronted your FIL and told him a bit about your struggle with eating disorders. Even if he doesn't remember the interaction! I'm surprised at myself and how uncomfortable I am with my slightly changed body already, to be honest. I've never carried weight in my stomach, if I gain it goes to my arms and face usually, so I'm so uncomfortable with this belly bloat. If we carried babies in our arms I think I'd cope with it much better! (Okay, bizarre mental picture--preggo women with giant biceps or something. ) I totally understand what you mean when you say you are done once you know someone is paying attention to your body and how it's changing. That makes me very uncomfortable, too. The thought of my FIL and his girlfriend looking at me and talking about how I'm looking heavier just makes me want to curl up in a ball and cry.

Well, a lot of things make me cry lately. Like when I thought DH ate the last of my Rice Krispie Treats, or when I forgot to record True Blood so I had to wait until midnight to watch in On Demand the night it premiered. So . . . maybe I can't really judge the severity of the situation based on my emotional reactions at the moment.

I hope you can find a way to cope with your FIL's behavior. I commend you for putting up with it for so long.

ETA: I LOVE that picture of Marvin! Adorable.

 

[amc80]

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Well, a lot of things make me cry lately. Like when I thought DH ate the last of my Rice Krispie Treats, or when I forgot to record True Blood so I had to wait until midnight to watch in On Demand the night it premiered. So . . . maybe I can't really judge the severity of the situation based on my emotional reactions at the moment.

I cry at ridiculous stuff these days. I swear, some days I'm crying without really knowing what I'm crying about. Last night I was crying because I couldn't get comfortable when I was trying to sleep.

Oh, we watched Act of Valor and I was sobbing at the end. Sobbing. Don't watch that one while pregnant.

 

[indecisive]

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Haven- How funny we were watching True Blood close to the same time. I watched season 1-4 on DVD so I am not used to having to deal with the cliffhanger endings! Your baby tent it so cute! I love how you included Bailee. Our little dog, Grace, is our child. I am trying to snuggle with her a lot lately to make up for less snuggles she may get if we are up with a baby. I can understand why your fil's comments are hurting. Not only are the hormones going but this bloat is terrible, and I am not even close to as far along as you are. I have to eat small meals or my pants feel snug and all that sounds good is carbs and cheese. Not good! I bet when you are able to be more active when the ms leaves (hopefully soon) you will feel so much better.

mlk- Ugh, your MIL sounds so difficult! I guess it is good that she lives far away. I am so sorry about your mom as well. Such a hard situation without an insensitive MIL. I think my soreness sounds the same as you. I do have bloat and some slight nausea but that is it for me as far as symptoms, besides peeing a lot. It is hard for me to know if the peeing and nausea are symptoms for me though because I am drinking a ton and I just have a sensitive stomach in general. When I get busy I could even forget I am knocked up. How are you doing?

amc- Yeah, I am being way more strict than is probably necessary. My degree is in Biology, specializing in micro, so I studied listeria and some of the other bugs a lot. Maybe that is why I am paranoid! Pre-preggo I actually drank unpasteurized milk for the health benefits but with the little one I am so cautious ETA- I lurk in the other thread and your baby scowling picture is the cutest! That is one of the best 4g pics I have seen.

Andi- I am glad you have had a smooth pregnancy! It makes me feel like there is some hope for me. My lack of a lot of symptoms still makes me nervous so it is good to see you are doing well and don't have all the severe symptoms. It must feel good to start making plans for the nursery!!

Prana- Wow, you are way more tough than me. I know I could not handle your FIL. I am sure it does make it easier that he cares about you but still. That is cute that your little one looks like Marvin. We love that movie! I can just picture the little baby say "oh, whats the use" or something melancholy about the lack of mental stimulation in your uterus.

AFM- Just getting through until Thursday. I have some slight nausea but I am pretty sensitive as far as my tummy usually so it is hard to tell. I am just so nervous about seeing the heartbeat! My best friend is flying in on Sunday so I hope to have a picture of the little bean healthy and growing. I hope everyone is going well!

 

[indecisive]

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Sorry for the grammar mistakes and typos. It looks like my brain turned off before I did last night

 

[Prana]

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Haven Yeah I've actually read books on codependency to learn how to better communicate with my DH. My husband doesn't realize that he's codependent, but he and his entire immediate family are, all secondary to my FIL's drinking. They have all come to terms with him and accept him for what he is, as do I, but I'm also not them and will not sit by passively while he does and says stupid stuff. I mean, most of the time I do just ignore him until he goes away, but when it comes to me, I will defend myself and let him know that his behavior is unacceptable. He definitely remembers that conversation. He wasn't that drunk. It was the busty conversation he doesn't remember, which I'm glad about because to me, that one was worse. I feel bad for my MIL though because I won't go over there for a while. But she'll miss me and come see me . He knows that I'm angry with him when I don't come around, which makes me feel bad, but I can't deal with him sometimes.

I LOL'd at your Rice Krispie Treat story. I have a whole cabinet full that we don't eat if you want them . I bought them before I was pregnant and used to eat one a week. Now, I want pretty much nothing to do with sugar, which is for me. I could live off of sugar at baseline. And your arm comment too. Big baby biceps!

My FIL, he is who he is. We all have our methods for dealing with him, I love him despite his stupidity and ignorance, but I do need to take a break from his presence for a while. Because I know the next time I see him, he'll say something else stupid.

Indecisive "Life? Don't talk to me about life!" My DH and I love that movie too! I find Marvin to be so endearing. Even though he's so depressed and has an exceptionally large mind. As for my FIL, as I've said above, we all have our ways of coping with him. I just need a break from him now.

Good luck with your ultrasound! do you plan on telling your friend?

 

[amc80]

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ETA- I lurk in the other thread and your baby scowling picture is the cutest! That is one of the best 4g pics I have seen.

Aww, thank you! It only took three tries to get this kid to really uncover his face. Brat.

 

[indecisive]

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Prana- I keep picturing your little baby coming out sounding like Alan Rickman! So cute! Glad you are getting a little break from your FIL. If we do see a heartbeat tomorrow I am going to tell my parents and 2 of my Aunts on Sunday. Then I will tell 2 of my coworkers I am close with on Monday. I do feel like they already can tell but it would be nice to be out in the open! I was rereading your post and melted at the part where you saw fingers and toes!! How precious on your little Marvin!

AMC- He is already making you work for it. Cute!


Well, I am so nervous about tomorrow. DH says he is feeling so confident but I am just so scared. Thank you all for the dust and good thoughts. I appreciate it!

 

[Prana]

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Indecisive I love Alan Rickman and Marvin, so this baby is a winner all around in my eyes!!

And trust your husbands intuition...it's eerie how in tune they really are to us. I've heard multiple stories of husbands knowing their wives were pregnant before their wives knew...my own DH being one of them! Believe me, I know that you're nervous. But hopefully everything is perfect tomorrow and then you can relax a little and really have fun being pregnant!

 

[Dandi]

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Good luck indecisive!!!