"Just Barely" Pregnant PS''ers

[amc80]

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Laughing (sympathetically) at your mom stories. My mom and I also have an...interesting...relationship. EVERY time I talk to her she asks about my weight. Keep in mind, I haven't seen her since about week 7. I send her weekly belly shots. She'll say something like "...and your doctor is okay with your weight?" every single time. Yesterday I actually called her out on it and asked why she asks that every time. Her response? "No I don't, this is the first time I've mentioned it." UMMMM NO.

 

[Haven]

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Amc--Ohhhhh, man. Is she worried that you're gaining too much or too little weight? Gah.

I'm really dreading telling both of my parents about this baby. My father is just going to make me uncomfortable, which he always does. My mother is going to make it all about her. (I would actually be willing to bet money that the FIRST thing out of her mouth after we tell her we're pregnant is going to be, "What about Italy next summer? Are you still taking me to Italy?" We are, and we still plan to do it, but just watch, it's going to be her first concern. No question.)

Anyway, I wonder if I could just not say anything and wait until I start to show. My family keeps up the pretense of propriety, maybe they wouldn't ask about my belly because it would be rude? DH says I can't do that, but it's tempting.

Thanks for listening to me ramble. Being on summer vacation has given me too much time to stew in all of these concerns. Sorry for cluttering up this thread with all my mama drama!

 

[amc80]

Re: Re:

Amc--Ohhhhh, man. Is she worried that you're gaining too much or too little weight? Gah.

Too much. It's amazing I didn't end up with an eating disorder. During one of these conversations I told her "normal" is 25-35lbs...and she said "well, I think I gained 12lbs with you." Because, you know, it is a competition and all. Oh, and thanks for not gaining enough weight...that's probably why I was 8 weeks early!

 

[Kunzite]

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Oh Haven and AMC, it sounds like there are a lot of us in the same boat! I go back and forth on whether my mom has NPD or is just plain selfish (and since I'm in no way qualified to diagnose anyone I'm sure I'll never really know) but I do find this Narcissistic Mother Dictionary to be a riot (if only in a sad, too true sort of way):

http://daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/narcissistic-mother-dictionary.html

 

[Dreamer_D]

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Becoming a mother myself has made my more sympathetic to the annoying behavior of my own mother and my MIL. I feel like I can understand how they must feel in certain situations better now. I don't like it, but I can understand some of it better. In my relationship with my mom I basically had to lay down the law and tell her: "You can no longer talk about X". For example, "You are not allowed to talk to me about food, weight, dieting, or nutrition. Ever." It was a toxic topic for her and for us. If she brought it up, I would say, "Nope, zip it." She learned. We did the same for a few other really annoying things. You can't try to control your mom, though, any more than she can (or should) control you, so in the end its a balance of accepting their annoying habits and making effort to acknowledge the good things. As a kid we can take for granted our parents a lot of the time I think. We forget about their emotional needs in the relationship and expect selflessness from them, the way we expected to always be looked after and never have to *look after* as kids. Then as we transition to an adult relationship with our parents we have to transition to a more bi-directional relationship, where we are caring of their needs and feelings in the same way they are ideally caring of our feelings. And then at the same time, we sometimes have to admit to our parents flaws and limits and accept them and stop expecting them to change things they can't. Mom is selfish? Then stop expecting her to treat you the way you would like and accept her as she is. Sometimes parents offer suport and caring in ways we don't really notice, or in ways we don't prefer. Like, maybe you want her to come over and babysit for an hour so you can take a shower. And maybe that is not how she shows her caring. Maybe she prefers to buy you some groceries and paint your baby's room. Accept the support she is offering and don't bemoan the support she does not offer, and then we are all a lot better off. Haven, that was very inconsiderate of your mom, but I am assuming it is in character. I also assume that since you have contact with her still, she is not devoid of caring and supportive behavior, right? So accept that she will always be self-centered and let GO of the dreams you have of a selfless mom, and at the same time, start noticing and accepting the type of support she DOES offer you. Little shifts like that go a long way! And after all, that is how adults have relationships: We accept our loved one's flaws and appreciate their good qualities. I am sure you are like that with your husband. Somehow, we seem to have a different set of rules for our moms.

 

[Haven]

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AMC--Oy, that's crazy. I like Dreamer's line, "We are not allowed to talk about weight, diet, etc. ever anymore." I know it's easier to talk about saying than to actually say it, though.

Kunzite--I cannot wait to check out that link. Thank you!

Dreamer--I feel like I owe you payment for a session. Thank you.

I know that I need to be better about accepting my mom as she is and acknowledging that she has needs and feelings, regardless of how horrible I believe she's acting. I think I shared before that I over-compensated for a while after my parents divorced, and I do feel partly responsible for enabling this behavior. I put her needs and feelings before mine for two years, and then I had enough.

The interesting thing is that I came to a point at least a year ago where I realized that my father is who he is, and I needed to either accept that and keep him in my life or not. I chose to keep him in my life. I think it was easier to do with him because I sincerely believe his bad behavior is due to a mental illness and he can't help himself. With my mom, I know she can help herself because she wasn't always like this so it's harder to accept.

And you're right--my mom and I do keep in contact and she does do some nice things. I can't think of anything recent at the moment, but in my past she has done nice things. She's always been selfish, and she'd laugh and tell you today that she raised us with "benign neglect" which, if it's possible for neglect to be benign, is true. She says it often, it's one of her favorite lines. We had a lot of kind words growing up, but my parents weren't interested in going out of their way to do much for us or with us. They don't like a hassle, or going out of their way for anything, and never have.

I think you're right that I need to stop hoping for my parents to be people they are not, and have never been. I wonder if my feelings about them have been altered because I married a man with his own crazy, yet supportive and present family. And my sister A has amazing in-laws who have become a part of our family over the years. I'm actually more excited to tell my BIL's parents about this baby than I am my own, because they are going to be so, so excited. I'm thinking that for many years I functioned under the belief that my parents' behavior was normal because that's all I knew, and now I'm close with these other families who are just so different. I actually cried a couple times after seeing my BIL's parents with my sister and BIL, because the way they care for them was so obvious and touching. They have their own issues, but they really and truly care for their children in a way that makes me want to weep just thinking about it. I want to be like them with my own children. Being pregnant has made all of these things seem so much more important to me, too, so I think I'm just paying more attention to everything.

Meh. Blah. Sorry for hogging this thread again. I must say, writing this all out has been eye-opening for me, if boring for everyone else! I keep wondering if I should just start working on accepting my mom, or if I need to bring something up to try to improve our relationship. Or maybe I just need to shift my own behavior and be better and hope that some change will happen slowly over time.

 

[Prana]

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Haven you're not hogging the thread. That's what this thread is here for, to have realizations and work on becoming the best possible parent you can be. Getting it out in conversation or through writing is the most efficient and most eye opening way to do it. We are all here to help each other through our pregnancy journeys and our journey into parenthood.

 

[amc80]

Re: Re:

We forget about their emotional needs in the relationship and expect selflessness from them, the way we expected to always be looked after and never have to *look after* as kids. Then as we transition to an adult relationship with our parents we have to transition to a more bi-directional relationship, where we are caring of their needs and feelings in the same way they are ideally caring of our feelings.

I think this is about 90% of the problem I have with my mom. She wasn't exactly around a lot when I was growing up. She wasn't negligent, by any means, but I was left to be very independent after about 6th grade. Thank GOD I had a good head on my shoulders and was naturally very responsible, because I could have ended up really screwed up. She never knew what was going on in my life and didn't really care to ask. I mean all through high school she attended exactly one of my sporting events. And I did a lot of them.

Fast forward to the present. She's now trying to be overly involved in my life...while both mothering me and being my friend. But it's really hard to go from nothing to OK LET'S DO THIS ALL AT ONCE. It just doesn't make for a comfortable relationship. I know she wants to be close, but really, I don't see it ever happening. My mom is so much work to be around. She has many opinions about everything, regardless of the amount of experience she may have in the particular matter. Plus she has a really hard time realizing that my brother and I both have lives we are living. My brother and I both live in the same area. My mom is about 8 hours away. She doesn't work and my bro and I both have full time jobs. Yet she doesn't understand why we don't go visit her all the time. DH and I went on a weekend trip for my bday, and as a "travel before I'm too giant to have fun" trip. She couldn't fathom why we wouldn't spend that time visiting her. She'll come up to this area once a year or so, for an extended visit. And gets offended that we can't see her every single night.

Oh! And get this. She thinks that after Christmas (we're hosting this year...or, I should say, we don't want to travel and have invited family to come this way) she will take the baby back with her...for a month or so. Because, according to her, I will want a break by then. From my FOUR month old. ::facepalm::

 

[Haven]

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Thanks, Prana. I feel very lucky to have all of you ladies to talk to.

AMC--Wow, our moms sound very similar. Mine was really hands-off too, but now she wants to be super involved. I never looked at it that way before, but it is definitely what's happening.

And ha! to your mom's Christmas plans for bringing the baby back home with her. That is STRANGE! Did she ask you if you were interested, or she just told you that is what's going to happen? OY to the vey on that plan!

 

[Dreamer_D]

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Haven and AMC, I don't have any contact with my father because of some of the processes you are talking about with your mom AMC, and because he was a neglectful parent at best. As an adult I had a reconciliation, but once I got married and had kids I found his too presumptuous in his "father" role which he did not earn. He has not met my husband or kids. I don't know if that is right, or wrong. I know it is not very cheritable or generous of me. Haven, he also has mental health issues that explain a lot about his behavior in the past. But its a choice I made for my own peace of mind. Anyways, when you have your own family your own peace of mind and your kids well being is number one.

My mom has faults but on the whole is a loving and dedicated mother. I am lucky and she is a very good grandmother. But one of my best friends has a mother that sounds a lot like your moms. It is challenging, because the reality is that unless someone has some self-awareness it is unlikely they *can* change. My suggestion is to try asking your mom, Haven, to change in a small way for you. Try something that is not too touchy. And see how she responds. Make clear your needs. If she responds, then great, you can move towards greater closeness. If she does not respond the way you like: Lesson learned. You will just have to accept that you won't have the mom you would like Limit the depth of your relationship, what you tell her, and what you expect of her to things you know she can fulfill, and don't ask her or expect her to meet your needs in ways that she can't. Sometimes people who are selfish that way are good at instumental support -- like cooking or cleaning for you, doing the laundry, those types of supports to you as amother. But they won't be good at emotional support. So don't ask for it or expect it and don't have them around when you need it

Ok, enough from me. I just know when you are going to become a mother yourself that it brings up so many parental issues. Trying to spell out the rules of your relationship with a parent, especially if it is strained, *before* the kids arrive can be really helpful. Because so much changes when the kids arrive. They take up so much energy! You won't have any left to "manage" a needy or difficult parent.

 

[Haven]

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Dreamer--I'm going to give that a try, thank you. I like the baby-step approach, and I think it might be much better than actually confronting my mom about anything. No, I'm CERTAIN it will be better.

What you wrote about people only being capable of change if they possess some self-awareness makes a lot of sense to me. There are a lot of things I need to change about myself, and my DH has been instrumental in helping me make some significant changes already. Without his insight and honest feedback, I wouldn't have been able to do it. I have wondered if my mom has become more selfish since the divorce because she doesn't have a partner to give her such feedback when she behaves irrationally. I know my husband and I are really good at keeping each other grounded. I'm pretty sure I'd be a maniac without him.

It's a good thing I have several more months to work on these things before the baby comes, eh?

 

[monkeyprincess]

Re: Re:

Amc--Ohhhhh, man. Is she worried that you're gaining too much or too little weight? Gah.

Too much. It's amazing I didn't end up with an eating disorder. During one of these conversations I told her "normal" is 25-35lbs...and she said "well, I think I gained 12lbs with you." Because, you know, it is a competition and all. Oh, and thanks for not gaining enough weight...that's probably why I was 8 weeks early!

Oh amc, sorry, but your comment made me laugh. Mothers!

Haven, I hear you. It's easy to say that we need to grow up and accept our parents' flaws, but it is a lot more complicated putting it into practice. My parents were divorced about 6-7 years ago, and in the immediate aftermath, they both really played the sympathy card, and I had a lot of guilt and felt pressure to "take care" of them. My siblings and I definitely had to play the grown-ups. It's easier now that time has passed, and they have both moved on with new relationships. But it is still far from the ideal situation. My dad is sort of living in never neverland and never took responsibility for anything that happened, and my mom still has a lot of resentment and a need be affirmed that my dad was in the wrong and that we children are all on her side. It's exhausting. They are both quite selfish as well, and seem to think more about their needs than their children's or grandchildren's. For the most part, I've learned to accept it and just realize I will never have the fairy tale parental relationship, but that doesn't mean it's easy. I think it helps a lot that I live a couple states away, so my time spent with them is on my terms.

Prana, is today the big day? Can't wait to hear how it goes. Hope everyone else is hanging in there!

 

[Prana]

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we had our scan this morning! We ended up having a transvag, which surprised me but I was happy with because they are usually clearer. We saw the blueberry, saw the heartbeat, then heard the heartbeat loud and clear! 156 beats per minute. My husband was priceless. When she inserted the probe and we saw him (or her), he goes "It looks like that already?" Then when we heard the heartbeat, he was floored again. I'll never forget his face. It was priceless.

we are measuring spot on at 7 weeks 1 day!



You can see the yolk sac all the way to the left, and our blueberry right smack dab in the middle.

 

[Haven]

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Prana! What a great scan! I'm so excited you got to see the heartbeat, too. Oh, I'm so happy for you.

MP--Wow, our family situations sound very similar. My parents only divorced three years ago, but the way you describe your parents applies to mine, too. Ah, well. It is what it is! I am going to practice patience, and small changes, and the other things that Dreamer and everyone on here taught me.

How's everyone doing? My nausea is actually a bit milder today. I have an appt tomorrow, so I'm hoping they'll do another US so we can see if everything's okay.

 

[amc80]

Re: Re:

And ha! to your mom's Christmas plans for bringing the baby back home with her. That is STRANGE! Did she ask you if you were interested, or she just told you that is what's going to happen? OY to the vey on that plan!

No, she just assumed I would be ready for a break by then! I told her yes, perhaps a night out so DH and I can grab dinner or something...

Ahh, prana, congrats!!

 

[JGator]

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Yay Prana! Nice photo of your adorable baby! Glad to hear your husband was so amazed.

I had an appt today to get blood drawn to check for spina bifida. I was hoping for an ultrasound, but my doctor was all excited to tell me I get an ultrasound at my next appt at 20 weeks. So, I did get to hear the heart beat with the doctor's doppler. But, I can do that at home with my doppler (she doesn't know that though). Oh well, next appt is June 22nd - 4 weeks from tomorrow. Also, I was told to be careful with my weight - I gained 6 pounds in one month!

 

[monkeyprincess]

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Prana, wonderful news! You must be feeling so relieved to see and hear one healthy little heartbeat. Life really is a miracle.

JGator, I hear you on the appointment thing. If you already have a doppler at home, the non-ultrasound appointments are pretty much nonevents. Oh, and I'm thinking I'll get the same weight lecture. I think I've already gained about 5 pounds since my appointment three weeks ago. Hopefully it all balances out!

 

[Dandi]

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Hello beautiful mammas-to-be! I haven't got anything of value to contribute to the parent relationship advice in this thread, so I thought I'd share my 12 week scans with you all instead!

One of the girls at work suggested that Percy would be a great name (I'm not a fan at all but it makes a cute nickname ) so baby is now known as Percy! It was jumping around like a flea, heartbeat is 167bpm, and everything looks normal, the sonographer was lovely and laughed at me when I puffed up with pride when he told me Percy is 'perfect'! My Down's/Trisomy 21 odds came back as 1:2500, and Trisomy 18 as 1:85,000. Thems is good odds!

Prana!! Your bubba bean is WAY cute! Isn't seeing that heartbeat just the greatest thing ever?!

Haven, how are you feeling, hon? I hope that nausea isn't giving you too much grief!!
Hello mp, amc, JGator, Dani and anyone else I may have missed!

 

[dani13]

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YAY Prana & Dandi for your gorgeous scans!!! So happy for you both!!!

Dandi- You got some great shots at your nuchal....I had my anatomy scan last week and we tried to get some close up shots of the babe's face, but him/her had both hands up completely covering up so that we could barely see anything!!! LOL, the doc said the baby's hands were like an "X" across the face!! Gotta laugh, of course that would be my kid!!!

Hi to everyone else!!!

 

[mayerling]

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Congrats, Prana and Dandi!

 

[monkeyprincess]

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Dandi, yay for awesome results! And such detailed pictures! Congratulations.

Oh, and Dandi and JGator, it's time for you to move on over to the other thread!

 

[BrightSpot]

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Prana & Dandi, congrats on great scans! So happy for you guys!

Hi to all the other lovely mamas!

 

[Prana]

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Thank you everyone! We are beyond elated. We feel so beyond lucky and blessed. And so in love already

Dandi I love your 12 week scan! Such detail! That's so crazy that you can see everything so clearly. Especially with those 3D scans. I'm glad you have such low risks also!

I mentioned that in my US pic the yolk sac was all the way to the left, it's actually all the way to the right, then the baby is smack dab in the middle, to the left of the yolk sac. I was so excited I said it wrong haha.

In happy news, my best friends had their baby on Tuesday and I absolutely cannot get enough of him! He is just beautiful. And HUGE! 8lb 16oz! But I could just hold him and stare all day long.

 

[dani13]

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Haha, Prana, I was going to point that out but figured, "eh, why bother?" No harm done. LOL

 

[Haven]

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Andi--What great US pics and results!!!! I can't believe Percy looks like a baby already! They move so quickly from the bean stage to the baby stage, wow. I'm so excited for you, lady!

Prana--Oh, I got all teary hearing you talk about your little bean. Congrats to your friend on her baby! 8 lbs 16 oz--isn't that really 9 lbs?!
That is a big baby. I was 9 lbs 8 oz at birth, and I've always been nervous I'm going to have a giant baby, myself, but now that I'm pregnant I'll just be thrilled to have any baby, huge or not!

Hi, Bright! Still thinking of you often.

Dani--Haha, maybe the hands over the face are an early sign of personality?

JGator--That's a bummer about the no US. I hope the next four weeks go by quickly for you!

AMC--The only thing I can say about your mom's "offer" is OY TO THE VEY! Seriously, I have no real words. At least she wants to help, right?

I love reading all these great updates! How is everyone feeling?

I'm okay. Still a bit nauseous even on Zofran, but it is definitely better. I think the pills make me dizzy though, so I'm scared to drive while taking them. But I'm very grateful for any relief!

Other than that, I'm just wasting away my summer break over here. I thought we had an appt this morning, but it's really for next Friday, so I have to wait until then to get my next US. Excited and anxious, as usual!

 

[Dandi]

Re:

Thanks Haven! Oh my gosh I hear you on the big baby thing, my older brothers were both 8lbs plus, I was nearly 10lbs, and my younger brother was 11lbs 2 oz !!!!!!! EEK. I'm terrified!! Plus my mum is the size of a pea, she's tiny, and had all natural, drug free labours. Hopefully the whole hereditary thing just forgets about itself
Prana, I know, isn't it cool? And I didn't even know I was going to get a 3D scan on the day, the doctor just flicked over to it and there it was! So amazing. And yay for your friend and her beeeeeeg baby boy!!!

Thankyou Bright, you're such a sweetie! Much love to you, hon.

Thanks mp!! How many weeks for you now????

Thankyou mayerling! We are so besotted! DH was totally glued to the u/s machine screen!

Thanks heaps Dani! OH that is so cute, you sounds like you have a right little monkey in there!!

Hello to everyone else!

So today we went to visit friends who sent me a text asking us to visit. When we got there they had a lightly used, immaculate Beema pram with all the attachments (I had budgeted $500 for one anyway!), a bouncer and a bassinette sitting in the lounge, all stuff I really want, all in fantastic condition, and insisted we take them for nothing. I was so mortified, they flatly refused to take any money for the loot! They are getting married in a few months, so I will be doing their wedding cupcake tree in return. No worries!! So there are three things I can tick off my list, yippee!!

 

[mlk]

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Hi ladies, mind if I cautiously dip my toes in?

I just got a positive digi at 10dpo (after seeing a faint line on a wondfo at 8dpo) and assume I am 3 weeks and 3 days. Must have an early implanter on my hands.

Anyway, DH has been so pessimistic that something will go wrong, so it feels nice to actually speak (well kin of) to others about it since I am forbidden on telling anyone in real life!

Many of you I know from the TTC thread but hi to everyone else

Now I have to work out what I am doing about an OB and hospital asap. I am in one of the most hotly contested areas for private hospitals and OBs in Sydney and they book out immediately. Don't even know where to start.

Hope this bean sticks so I can join you all for good.

 

[JGator]

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Dandi, beautiful baby! Love the 3D pictures. Great news on the baby loot. I think your beautiful cupcakes are a very fair trade, though!

MLK, welcome! Good luck finding a great OB and hospital. Are there any ladies on the other threads from Sydney who can give you a recommendation. I know there are some Aussies like Pancake, but I am not sure if she's from Sydney.

Haven, glad you are feeling a bit better if not 100% yet. We may try to train over to Brugges if we have time. I have been to Brussels, Brugges, and Antwerp in the past, but it's been about 15 years or more. On my last trip, I visited a friend who was working in Brussels, and he paid up an outstanding college football debt with a case of Belgian beers. At that time, I was able to pack a duffle bag with beers wrapped in socks and carry it on the plane for the trip home.

We are leaving today to visit my DH's parents in Europe. We'll be with them for about 8 days and then off to Brussels for 2 1/2 days. My MIL will be cooking up a storm. She's a great cook and loves to cook all my DH's favorites when he comes home. My in-laws are Indian and vegetarian, but I still think I will come out of there weighing more than I do today. I think I'll head over to the big girl thread when I get back from vacation. But I will still see be checking in on you lovely ladies.

16 weeks 6 days

 

[Prana]

Re: Re:

Andi--What great US pics and results!!!! I can't believe Percy looks like a baby already! They move so quickly from the bean stage to the baby stage, wow. I'm so excited for you, lady!

Prana--Oh, I got all teary hearing you talk about your little bean. Congrats to your friend on her baby! 8 lbs 16 oz--isn't that really 9 lbs?!
That is a big baby. I was 9 lbs 8 oz at birth, and I've always been nervous I'm going to have a giant baby, myself, but now that I'm pregnant I'll just be thrilled to have any baby, huge or not!

Hi, Bright! Still thinking of you often.

Dani--Haha, maybe the hands over the face are an early sign of personality?

JGator--That's a bummer about the no US. I hope the next four weeks go by quickly for you!

AMC--The only thing I can say about your mom's "offer" is OY TO THE VEY! Seriously, I have no real words. At least she wants to help, right?

I love reading all these great updates! How is everyone feeling?

I'm okay. Still a bit nauseous even on Zofran, but it is definitely better. I think the pills make me dizzy though, so I'm scared to drive while taking them. But I'm very grateful for any relief!

Other than that, I'm just wasting away my summer break over here. I thought we had an appt this morning, but it's really for next Friday, so I have to wait until then to get my next US. Excited and anxious, as usual!

No, I said it wrong again. 8lb 13oz. Geez, I hope I don't make a med error at work. My brain seems to be a little....off.

 

[Prana]

Re:

Haven I'm glad the zofran is helping you a bit. Hopefully you'll be over this nausea stuff soon. I'm thinking baby size might be hereditary, but I certainly hope not! I was 8lb 6oz at birth, my DH was only 7lb 8oz. I'm hoping we have a healthy, but not overly huge little bundle.

Dandi Wow, way to go on all that awesome stuff! You have some great friends! Now you can use that $ you had set aside for other things

Mlk Congratulations and welcome! I definitely felt funny posting here right away, because it's so very new, but that's what this thread is here for! You must be so excited! I peed on sticks (the cheap wondfo's) twice a day up until my 7 week 1 day US. I'm still peeing on sticks, but was able to forgo yesterday (because my nausea and general malaise told me I was def pregnant ), but I peed on one this AM. I like seeing the test line get darker and darker . Once I saw and heard the heartbeat at my US, my nervousness decreased a pretty good amount. Tell your DH to just enjoy it, if he can. It's natural to be nervous but don't let it affect you.

JGator have fun on your trip! We'll miss you in JBP, but I can't wait to join you over there in the big girl thread!

AFM: Yesterday was BAD. I was sick all day long and couldn't fall asleep to take a nap. Food made everything worse, but I had to eat! So far I've never felt like that, and today, I'm back to normal.

About once a week, usually on day 2 or 3 of the week, I wake up to cramps and then the next day I don't feel as good as I usually do. I'm wondering if my body is feeling little growth spurts or my uterus stretching and then reacting to the increase in hormones? I don't know. That's my only theory. Today, I'm disgusted by my house so I've been cleaning all day. Getting ready to shampoo the carpets in the bedrooms. My big huge stinkin' dog makes everything so dirty. I want to rip up the carpets and put down hardwood, but alas, $ should be going elsewhere right now.

Glad everyone is doing OK!