Just when I thought my MOB dress drama was over...

[Sabine]

You may remember that I had posted about my mom''s dress. She originally wanted a strapless satin bridesmaid dress from David''s Bridal that I really did not want her to get. Then she thought she found a dress in a lovely chocolate brown color that we both loved, but when she went back to order it, she tried it on again and did not feel comfortable in it. So she went back to looking.

Tonight I get a call from her saying that she bought a dress, but I could tell by her tone of voice that there was more to it than that. The problem is the color. She is describing it as a "light gold" but in the photos, it looks pretty close to ivory. She really loves this dress, but will totally understand if I don''t want her to wear it because it is too close to the color of my dress. I really DO NOT know what to do here. The dress looks lovely and totally appropriate for a mother of the bride, but in the pictures she sent me it looks very similar to the ivory of my dress. So what do you all think? Would it be inappropriate for the MOB to wear a dress in this shade?

Also, the dress is from Macys, is a Jessica Howard, and had the number JH8M1079 on it, but I can''t find any pics online to get other color views. So if any of you can find it, please post the link! TIA!

 

[Sabine]

Here it is with the matching jacket.

 

[Sabine]

And here is a closeup of the details. I don''t know...it looks darker than I originally thought.

 

[Gwyn]

It looks kind of pink to me, maybe just the lighting.

 

[E B]

How do YOU feel about it? I wouldn't mind, especially due to the little jacket that fits over the dress, but every bride is different.

Are you able to go see the dress? Maybe your mom can bring it over and hold it up to your dress to compare?

 

[zoebartlett]

I love it! I wouldn''t mind if I was in your position but as Ebree asked, how do you feel about it? It''s such a pretty dress!

 

[surfgirl]

Oy, Sabine, I remember that first dress well...It was a big ol hot mess. Poor you! I think perhaps your mother is trying to relive being a bride? The jacket is the only think MOB about it IMO and yeah, it''s too close to "bridal" to be appropriate for her. Do you live near enough to her to take her shopping again and this time actually ORDER/BUY the damn dress? Honestly, I feel for you but I would be pissed if my mother wore that to my wedding - I''d feel like she was trying too hard to look bridal too. Maybe that''s petty but that''s my first gut reaction looking at that dress. Tell her it has to be a certain color (I think you already did this) and be with her when she buys the dress so you know it''s a done deal. I''d have a very clear talk with her and tell her it''s adding stress to you where stress isn''t needed and to please get with the program and get an appropriate dress STAT. Good luck sweetie.

 

[Gypsy]

Honey without the jacket, that could be a bridal gown. If fact I''ll be there are lurker brides on here writing the information on that dress and waiting to hit Macy''s for that exact gown.

Of course the previous selection was a ''hot mess'' as surfgirl so eloquently put it.

This really shouldn''t be this hard. Can we sign momma up for "What not to Wear"?

I''m sorry Sabine. Can she just go to Nordstroms and ask them for their personal shopper service?

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

That is atleast as much a wedding gown as yours.
I say this with all due respect, but your mother keeps picking things that are too young and not of her position in the wedding. Is it possible she is having trouble either coming to terms with the wedding or that it means she is getting older? If either of these is the case, things aren''t going to get better until you ckear that up with her and she realizes it.
I may be totally off base in which case I appologize.

 

[door knob solitaire]

Ditto...to Surf, Gyp and Hussy...especially BIHussy...she said what I wanted to say. The age thing is still an issue. Yes it has a jacket...but you can put a jacket on a Vera Wang or Melissa Sweet....and it is still a bridal gown for a more youthful person...(in general no offense intended for any mature bride thinking or wearing a Melissa Sweet...comment only given to this particular conversation as the writer also remembers the OTHER DRESS thread.)

I don''t understand why your mommie keeps gravitating back to a strapless or thin strapped top. The style the color...not loving any part of it.

You know...a prophet is without honor in his own country...I wonder if your words insight or opinion is not what is needed. But someone of her peers etc. Is there anyone who may be willing to make a suggestion for you=covering the appropriate attire of the brides mom?...this has got to be the toughest most uncomfortable thing eva. You are going to have to get involved, be proactive, or just grin and bare it. If it makes you feel any better, we aren''t grinning.

I feel so sorry for you...this is quite a dilemma.

 

[VRBeauty]

That dress looks bridal to me!

I think Gypsy''s idea of steering her towards a personal shopper may be the key. If that''s not an option, could you suggest that she go shopping with an aunt or another friend that you trust to steer her towards more appropriate selections?

I also think you need to be real upfront with your mother on the reasons you were not happy with her earlier choices.

 

[Gypsy]

Okay. I, for some reason, am fixating on this post. I really feel bad for the position you mother is putting you in.

I mean, she obviously KNOWS that's not an appropriate gown for her to wear to her daughter's wedding (now her OWN wedding is another issue) because she was hestiant when she called and TOLD you you could veto it. So she KNOWS it's not an appropriate gown, and is putting you in the position of policing her wardobe. Making YOU be the bad guy.

Honestly? If it were me I wouldn't have even approached that gown in the store. I would have looked at it and thought: no white or ivory or champagne, not even gonna look at it twice and I'm certainly NOT going to try it on.

I've been to other people's weddings. Been dress shopping. SEEN lovely ivory or white or champage dresses and you know what? I've looked away. And I'm not the MOTHER OF THE BRIDE.

So, yeah. I have to agree with IBH that it's either age issues, or an issue with accepting her role and it's just not okay. It's not okay to put your daughter in the position of being the bad guy when YOU KNOW the dress is innapropriate. I'm really upset for you!

*Stepping off my soap box*

 

[bee*]

I totally agree with surfgirl and the others who have said that the dress is as much a bridal gown as yours. The only thing that makes it look MOB is the jacket. If you feel ok for her to wear it then that''s the main thing but personally I wouldn''t be happy.

 

[zoebartlett]

I keep coming back to look at this dress. On second (or fifth) glance, yes, I now have to agree with the others. If it were in another color, I''d say fabulous, but ivory IS a little too bridal, especially with the detailing on the top. Does it by any chance come in another color?

The other thing is that the coordinating jacket doesn''t seem to match the style of the dress itself. The jacket takes away from the pretty detailing of the dress. It could look great in person but now I''m not so sure I love it.

 

[tenfour]

i''ll be the black sheep here. i won''t argue about the colour of the dress because it is tough to see in the pictures.
what i strongly disagree with is the ''not age appropriate'' statements. maybe there have been other posts where sabine''s mom has been pictured, so i apologize if i am not seeing something other people have seen. the dress is a long gown and while it is strapless, the top isn''t exactly low cut or revealing of anything other than shoulders and arms. there are probably some very fit women sabine''s mother''s age who would look fantastic. anyway, i don''t think it''s a very ''young'' dress at all.

 

[Independent Gal]

Oh, Sabine, so sorry!

I think the personal shopper idea is great.

 

[isaku5]

Well, just my .02....As a former MOB, I was in a lovely bridal boutique looking for appropriate MOB dresses. I spotted an ivory/cream creation and since DD wasn''t with me I tried it on "just for fun?" It looked fabulous, way better than anything else I''d seen or tried. The saleslady, of course, was oohhing and ahhing and saying that DD would love it on me

. I wasn''t sure about that although DD had never mentioned that I shouldn''t/couldn''t wear ivory.In fact, when I had asked her earlier about what I should wear, she said, "Get whatever you want".

Just to be sure, though, I phoned her the next day and told her about the dresses I had tried on including the gorgeous ivory one. There was a short pause from her end, and then she whispered, Don''t go there, Mom.

In actual fact, I had no intention of buying anything that could be considered "bridal", but I was just being a brat (my turn!).

 

[iheartscience]

Oh man...yeah, that''s definitely too bridal. I second the suggestion to send her to a personal shopper. It can''t be *that* hard to find something age-appropriate that doesn''t look completely bridal.

 

[Sabine]

Thanks everyone...looks like mom and I will be having another fun heart to heart about her dress. I really wouldn''t have a problem with the dress if it was a different color, but I agree that in that color it looks very bridal. I''ll be calling around trying to see if I can find the same style in a different color for her, but I''m guessing we''ll be starting over with the whole process.

Unfortunately, my mom and I live 4 hours apart, and I wasn''t planning on a trip home until mid-march, so she will have to continue looking on her own. Also, she lives in the South Hills of Pittsburgh. We have no Bloomingdales. We have no Nordstroms. I can''t think of ANYWHERE that has a personal shopper option as the biggest dpt. store is Macy''s and that woman said that color was absolutely appropriate for a MOB. I can''t even think of anywhere to have her look that we haven''t already looked, and she would not feel comfortable buying online without trying it on first. So if any of you have ideas on where to look in the Pittsburgh area, please help or else it looks like she might have to go back to David''s Bridal

.

 

[surfgirl]

Sabine, instead of going to her, can she come to you, if you have better shopping options where you live? Make a weekend out of it (get drunk if you have to?!?)? Seriously any Nordies or Bloomies will have options a plenty. In fact, have you looked online at both those stores online options? Maybe you can select a few options, let her buy/ship them, try on and decide which one? Another option. If you're anywhere outside Pittsburgh, aren't there decent shopping options INSIDE the actual city of Pittsburgh? Seriously, you've gotta have some other options there...I would suggest though, that next time you go shopping, take her to one of the following stores - Nordies, Bloomies, Saks, Neiman's - and call ahead and speak with their personal shopper. Explain exactly what's going on, give them her size and let them pull or bring in from other stores, all the inventory that they can so when you go, she has plenty to try on. If you go in cold, you might find they're light on inventory in that dept, or in her size or whatever. But if you use the personal shopper, and give them a few weeks notice, they can pull things for you from other stores if they dont have in stock in your mom's size. I'd do that at a few stores, and go around and see what they have. I know it's a headache but clearly there seems to be underlying issues here so you will have to take control of this yourself...Chin up girlie!

ETA:
1. Just chalk this up to experience and put in your book of what not to do to your future DD or FDIL!

2. I told you in your previous thread that at my sister's wedding, my mother acted like she was the star of the show, showing up with a ballgown type dress (it was an evening formal wedding but still...

)...the bodice was WHITE LACE (like wedding gown lace!) and the ballgown skirting was this heinous floral pattern of white, greens and blues with irridescent sequins scattered here and there. I was appalled. I have no clue what my sister thought, I've never asked her. It was probably one of many battles she chose not to have with our mother but still, I just feel ANY lace isn't quite right on a MOB dress. It's not necessary, really. Unless it's black lace maybe...I dont know. Clearly I have an issue here, dont I?!

 

[LegacyGirl]

I''m sorry but I have to laugh at this! I have no idea how I would handle this at all. Look at the bright side I just watched one of those Bridzillla/Whose Wedding Is It Anyway type shows and they showed the future mother-in-law had picked out a WEDDING DRESS to wear at the wedding. An actual wedding dress!! It was one of the ones in an ivory color that comes with sort of like a jacket... it was insane. The bride (who was quite trashy IMHO) was cursing and screaming "f this f that f that b I''m going to kill her." You see... the FMIL had switched out the dresses.. the bride had picked one for her to wear (or approved it... I don''t remember which) then she goes and changes it and shows up at the church with this new actual wedding dress. Oh it was so funny. At least you didn''t have to deal with that mess!

HUGS!! You''ll get through this!

 

[cara]

Oh sabine you can''t save people from themselves. If it will upset *YOU* if your mother looks foolish in her ivory dress then you should raise it with her. If you think you can ignore it, I''d just let it go at this point. You tried. Other people will know who''s who. (Nick Galifianakis for The Washington Post below).

 

[mercoledi]

Psst.. I think this is it- JH bolero dress

If it's really gold, it might not be terrible? But really, that Jasmine dress was perfect

...

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 2/10/2008 2:41:59 PM
Author: mercoledi
Psst.. I think this is it- JH bolero dress


If it''s really gold, it might not be terrible? But really, that Jasmine dress was perfect

...

That one''s blue! Maybe she can get it in blue from the Dillard''s website! The style is still pretty bridal, but in blue it really wouldn''t be bad.

 

[door knob solitaire]

Isabel...you left us hanging...what happened after she whispered don't go there...did you...what did you end up with?

Cara...you knocked one over center field fence with that comic!

Great find!

Mercoledi...that does look great in blue! I stand corrected, I think the color is the problem? If it were a complimentary color to the wedding and the dress the mom already liked...would that be a comprise to make "US ALL" happy?

Forgive me Sabine...you are no longer in this one alone! You are going to have to make us all happy. And there you thought you only had your mom to contend with. Sorry.

 

[mercoledi]

It's hard to tell how gold the gold really is, if it isn't too ivory-y and is 3/4 length, it might be OK.

Maybe you can tempt her with other options?
This is beautiful in chocolate
As is this
Gold MOB appropriate


ETA: I totally agree, it's much, much better in blue. Maybe you can call her local Macy's and see if they have the blue to exchange for?

 

[Sabine]

Oh mercoledie, I think you just saved me! That is the dress in blue! And that blue would totally complement the wedding colors! And even though we don''t have a Dillards anywhere in Pitts. either, since she already knows it fits, she should NOT have a problem ordering it...so wish me luck in getting her to take back the gold and get the blue!

 

[mercoledi]

Hooray! Happy to help! Are your colors brown and blue? If they are that will be perfect.

(it also comes in petite)

(Now can you please tell my husband that on-line shopping is a valuable skill?

)

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 2/10/2008 4:13:15 PM
Author: Sabine
Oh mercoledie, I think you just saved me! That is the dress in blue! And that blue would totally complement the wedding colors! And even though we don''t have a Dillards anywhere in Pitts. either, since she already knows it fits, she should NOT have a problem ordering it...so wish me luck in getting her to take back the gold and get the blue!

She MUST get the blue! No reason not to, especially since it matches your colors! Keep us posted!

 

[door knob solitaire]

Date: 2/10/2008 4:22:01 PM
Author: mercoledi
Hooray! Happy to help! Are your colors brown and blue? If they are that will be perfect.

(it also comes in petite)

(Now can you please tell my husband that on-line shopping is a valuable skill?

)

Honey...just show his this thread...the emotion the interest...and then your rescue skillls...you missed your calling!